Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 120 - Julian’s Christmas Store

Episode Date: December 4, 2017

It’s December and that means it’s time for the Boys to start thinking about their greasy Christmas schemes.  Julian discusses his own version of Amazon, Ricky defends Flat Earthers, and Bubbles sizes up his chances on Shark Tank! Episode 120 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Pops, I don't get it. Like, you say we can't eat during the podcast. No. Make your final.

No, but what are these things? What do you do with these things? They're for looks. To create the illusion. To eat. To create the illusion that we're having a party. But we're all business. Today.

This goddamn tease is what it is. Get your chewing over with. It's almost done. Or I'll set Moon Bear over with. All right, it's almost done. Or I'll set Moonbear on you. All right, let's start it. Let's do it. Want to start it? What's up, fuckers?

This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now. Episode number 120. Two years. You got it right. Two years of podcasts. It's December 1st. This0. Two years. You got it right. Two years of the podcast. It's December 1st. This is a big day.

It is a big day. What happens on December 1st? Christmas stealing begins. Well, yeah, I was just waiting for that. Officially. There, now she's my spy. Freedom. 35.

Drink the dream. Nice. Alright, so tomorrow's the grand opening on my Christmas store. Been working hard getting that going. Don't have quite enough inventory yet, so it's gonna be a lot of late nights put in the next 25 days. Stealing Christmas decorations. What's that? I'm not stealing.

How old are you now, Julian? I forget. Still in junior high? It's Robin Hood sort of shit. Yeah. See, I sell, the stuff I sell, like those big blow up, what are those, Disney things? Yeah, people can't, people in the park can't afford that shit, so, you know. They sell them in the stores for 65 bucks.

I sell them in the park for 25, 30. Depends on what you got. Maybe, you know, some earrings or whatever. Barter system. The rich people can afford two of them anyway. So, I'm making good. Yep. It's balancing out society.

Rich people can afford two of them, so that makes it right? Because you're only stealing one? Because rich people are assholes. If they were nice, they would buy two of them and keep one and donate one. But no, just got to show off because I'm rich. How do you know they didn't buy four, keep two, and donate two? There's no way, man.

There's no way. That wouldn't even make sense. No, it's a huge competition between, you know, people on subdivisions. They get all these blow-up things now. They have them on the fucking, on the roof of their house. They've done a new study, apparently, that if you have something stolen from you, it means next year you buy stuff

and you donate shit. Makes you kinder. Show me your data, Ricky. Where'd that come from? I read it in, I think it was a newspaper or one of those types of... Sure, you're reading peer-reviewed journals all the time.

Studies about stealing. In the scientific stealing journal. Psychologically studies of theft. Yeah, and you can't tell me you don't shop at my store and buy shit. I've bought a few things there. There's a lot of good fucking deals. Anyway. You should have a website.

I hear those do well. Oh yeah, I was just gonna get into that. Bubz, you gotta make me a website. There he goes. Here we go. Amazon. Amazon 2. I need it done by tomorrow. Julian Bezos. Amazon 2. Hey, delivery. Free delivery. That's what I'm gonna start doing.

I do, Kyle, if I get from Amazon. Ricky, do you know how much money was made online on Monday? What was Monday? It was, what's it called? There's Black Friday and then there's... Robot Monday. No, what's it called? Cyborg Monday. Cyber Monday. Cyber Monday.

Six and a half billion dollars was spent online on Monday alone. Is that a lot? Yeah, Ricky. Six and a half billion. From where, though? People online buying stuff, mostly Amazon, probably. Mostly, it was mostly Amazon. I think it was like over 50% or something.

I knew we should have started one of those. We're going to start it this year. We're going was like over 50% or something. I knew we should have started one of those. We're gonna start it this year. We're gonna do free delivery. With my store. And I know you're laughing about that, but it could turn into something. Like a franchise. So you're gonna start an Amazon-like website, dealing in stolen goods with free shipping? Basically, yeah. Yeah, but see, Amazon has to pay for all their shit.

So we could outdo them. Our stuff costs us nothing. Just shipping. Yeah, we get the overhead. We've got the beep with the overhead. Boys, think about what you're saying. Say somebody orders a fucking... Hey, I want a new chest sack. Okay. Go get one. Chest implants?

No, a chest sack, Ricky. Chest, you know. Oh, yes. The game. Somebody, you couldn't fulfill the orders, Julian. Why not? Because if billions of people are ordering shit, what, are you going to go steal every item they order? We just have to sell what we get.

So you might have to say one available You hire people to do it For you So your search window on What's your site going to be called? Julian's Christmas Store Well that's just like Amazon Alright

What's a good name then? Jungle Jungle.com To compete with Amazon But you're dealing in stolen goods. Right. Exactly. Oh, my God. Jungle.com's not going to be available.

I'll tell you right now. Amazon-ish. Dot com. No, you can't. Well, maybe it can be close to Amazon. Amazon hot.com. No, you can't. Well, maybe it can be close to Amazon. Amazonhot.com. Amazon, too. That's a good one.

Jewels. Amazon Jewel. You guys are fucked. You're not starting an Amazon website. All right, we'll see. I'm going to start small. I'll get to it one of these days. Speaking of cocks and things that look like them,

Julian was, uh... I caught him looking at some pretty funny pictures of things that look like cocks. You didn't catch me looking at it. Chipper fucking sent me this link. I opened it up, boom. It's a bunch of things that look like cocks. You've got it right there. That's not a bunch of things that look like, you've got it right there.

That's not a cock. That dog, look at the dog's head. He's got a fur cock on his face. What does that look like? Oh my God, he's got a fur cock on his forehead. He's got a fur cock on his forehead. I thought it was just a picture of a dog. He didn't catch me fucking looking at the shit.

Jesus. That's Mickey Mouse, isn't it? That's Mickey Mouse, but what does it look like? Well, somebody just, I don't think that's an official Disney image. Anybody could do that. No, I think you can buy that. Now that, I mean there, that's weird. It's a rat cock. That's weird.

Is there any way like Chipper can throw pictures up? Or is he probably already doing it? I would say it's already happening. It's already happening. Okay. So it was Chipper that was really obsessed with the dogs. Chipper sent me the link. He said, check this out.

That's a weird one. Look at that. You know Bubz is going to like it. Male, female. Well, it's supposed to be a baby, but it looks like he's holding a giant. Okay. Did somebody draw a pothole on the top of his head? Or was that there?

No, I think that's... It's really the pothole that makes it look like... Instead of a baby, it's a cock. That's what it looks like. Jesus, Murphy. What the hell is that all about? What is that, a candle? Who took that picture?

They should realize. Get that out of her hands. What is that all about? What is that, a candle? Who took that picture? They should realize. Get that out of her hands. Oh yeah, look at that. What is that? She's kissing a little parakeet. Oh yeah, a woman kissing a parakeet. It looks like there's a cog laying on her lips. It's kind of hot, huh?

It does look... The parakeet does have a bit of a nobular head, doesn't he? Kinda looks like he's just laying there. Jesus Murphy, I wouldn't buy that. What the fuck is that? It's a wizard nose. Plastic wizard nose.

Nope. That's a cock. I wouldn't be wearing that on my face for Halloween. People would be calling you dick face. It's just somebody with chin balls. All right. That was great. Wasn't that exciting? That was great.

Very exciting. Oh, God. All right. Let's get off these pictures. What is all this shit? See, people are doing work now. We get stuff here. This is cool. Yeah, but is it worth fucking talking about? Documents.

Movie facts that sound fake but are completely true. Oh, there we go. That's kind of cool. There we go. So we're like an actual news show now where we get documents handed to us. We should start a news show, boys. A news show? A news show.

Well, this could be the entertainment section of it, right here. Hi, welcome to Sunnyvale News. I'm your anchor, Bubbles. I'm gonna... My partner, Julian, who's handling the entertainment portion of the show. What do you got for me, Julian? All right, I don't know if you know this, Bubbs,

but you know the movie Alien, where the fucking alien pups are the chest? Yes. They didn't tell the people that was going to fucking happen. So they're just like acting along. The bull. So it was real reactions. They didn't tell who. Freaked the shit out of the man.

One person passed out. What if somebody fucking died? That would have been great. They didn't tell who. The person that had it coming out of them must have known. Yeah, that Veronica chick. Cartwright. Scared the fuck out of her.

But the guy who popped out of it, he had to know what was going to happen, didn't he? He had to rig that up without him knowing unless they did it while he was sleeping. It was a puppet or something, wasn't it? No, it was prostrate out of his chest, so they would have had to tell him it was happening unless they rigged it up while he was sleeping. Pops, they probably just used the fucking gun.

He probably didn't care. It killed him. No, it would have killed him. He was dead afterwards anyway. Killed him. No, it would have... He was dead afterwards anyway. Chris Farley. He was originally cast to play Shrek. I knew that. I got halfway through it and then boom.

He didn't look a little bit like Shrek. Yeah, they replaced him with... No, he was just gonna do his voice. Oh, it wasn't like a play. He wasn't gonna play Shrek in live action, I don't believe. It would have been good. No, he recorded part of the film before his untimely death. Man, I wish you could hear some of that. Yeah, that would be cool. I bet you we can. Yeah, are you just going to make a call

and get the tapes? I don't fucking know. We'll call somebody. This is a weird one. What? While filming Roadhouse, Patrick Swayze claims he took most of his inspiration from Julian from the Sunnyvale trailer park. Wow. Real funny. I didn't know that. Swayze was actually influenced by him, not the other way around.

Whatever, man. That's not there. So it was a two-way street. Yes. You guys are fucked. Okay. All right. What other fun facts do we have? James Cameron took a staple gun to anybody that pulled out a phone on the set of Avatar.

Yeah, I bet she got punched in the fucking jaw a couple times too. Bill Murray, he was almost cast to play Han Solo in Star Wars. And almost Forrest Gump. What do you think of that? Would have been fucking weird. Bill Murray as Han Solo? That's kind of weird. As a funny Han Solo.

I don't know if Bill Murray would have been any good as Han Solo. But what kind of weird. There's a funny Han Solo. I don't know if Bill Murray would have been any good as Han Solo. I mean, he's... But what about Forrest Gump? I think I would like to see that movie.

He could have did Forrest Gump, no problem. Ron Hanks did a pretty good job. But yeah, it would have been a different movie.

It would totally... Yeah. I don't know. I'm a big fan of Bill Murray, man. I think he would have fucking kicked ass. Not as Han Solo. No, not as Han Solo, man. Because he would have been...

Bill Murray's just too funny to play Han Solo. He can't help it. Nowhere near as good looking. Well, that's subjective. All right. These are great guys. I think they're pretty good. They're pretty good.

I was Sylvester Stallone. He wanted to make the fight scene rocky, as real as possible. The one with Dolph in it. So he told Dolph, all right, give it to me. Really punch me. So Dolph Lundgren and then Stallone spent a week in the ICU after a blow to the chest. So Lundgren can fucking throw down. He can throw down.

Aw. I think he's just saving his face. Or saving grace. What do you call it when you're... I think Lundgren fucking teed off on him on purpose. Said, fuck you, you're an asshole. Teed off on him? You know, hit him, not banged him. Tee off on him. You know,

hit him, not banged him. Might have banged him, who knows, but I meant punched him. Dolph Lundgren didn't bang Sebastian Stallone, man. How do you know?

Come on, guys. He could have. If he wanted to, he could. Probably. I'm tracking. I don't know. I don't know.

Dolph's a big, we met that guy in an elevator, Dolph Lundgren. Yeah. You met him in an elevator? Well, he was on an elevator. That's weird. He was there.

Hey, Dolph, meet me in the elevator. He said, if I wanted to have you, I could. He says that to a lot of people, I guess. Ricky, nobody knows if Dolph Lundgren says that to people. Don't start rumors. Maybe it's a different Dolph Lundgren says that to people. Don't start rumors. Maybe it's a different Dolph. Oh, yeah, there's tons of people around named Dolph Lundgren who are huge and sexy. Really?

You think you're attracted to him? No. It's okay, man. You think he's huge and sexy, it's all right. He's probably a nice guy. Confident in my sexuality. Enough to say sexy. It's alright. He's probably a nice guy. Confident in my sexuality. Enough to say that, that's all. I know we've argued about this before, about the Earth being flat.

But finally, some of these guys that have been teaching me how real it is, one of them is gonna fucking prove it once and for all. Oh, is this the guy who's gonna launch himself in the rocket? He's gonna launch himself in a homemade rocket, and he's gonna prove he's to launch himself in the rocket? He's going to launch himself in a homemade rocket. And he's going to prove he's going to take, for the first time, real pictures of the Earth.

And finally, the rest of the world will know that the Earth is flat. You know what he's going to actually do, Ricky? He's going to kill himself on camera. He's going to come down and become as flat as a pancake. He's going to prove that things are flat. Him, in a fucking shit rocket that he built, he doesn't even... Did you see his other rockets? No. He's not going to live, Ricky.

He sounds like a pretty smart guy. He's out of his goddamn mind. That's what he is. I believe the rocket, he stands up in it like Steve Austin. Remember he used to get the $6 million man? Yeah. Rocket, and Steve he stands up in it like Steve Austin. Remember he used to get the $6 million man? Yeah. Rocket, and Steve was just standing in it, I believe. This guy's doing the same thing.

He's not like sitting in a capsule. What? What if it is flat? It's not. Can you prove it? Well, yeah. There's lots of ways to prove it. Who knows?

He might launch himself and get hurt, but either way, he's going to have a fun ride. Yeah. I don't know. Look, I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch the fucking crazy bastard launch himself. But there's a lot of people that think the world is fucking flat. Like, is there any chance at all that it could be flat, Bob? No.

Like, none? Zero. You have it, everybody. No, zero. Well, a lot of people in the world think your mother's flat, so... Pardon me? What did you say? But nobody knows, do they?

What did he say? He said... Is this my mother? Yes. He said she's flat. I don't know who she is. I've never met the woman. Well, she's probably not even alive right now, so you're never gonna meet her, so...

Yeah, she probably is flat right now. Skeleton. Skeletons aren't flat. Well, just... Bob's fucked off. There's no bones and breasts, is there? No, Ricky. Oh, there's...

Okay. Cashew. Cashew. Oh, and the other... Did you hear about the man who had a giant eel, rammed up his ass? Nope, didn't hear about that one. Yeah. Julian, you never told me that happened, do you? Fuck you, Cubs.

I guess he had to have it removed because it started getting loose inside of him. It was causing some major problems. It started getting loose in him? What do you mean? It got up too far or something and fucked some shit up, so they had to have surgery and get it out. He wouldn't admit how it happened or why it happened, but they did remove it. That was real. He put an eel up his arse and it got away. He said some other people may have done it. He was drunk. Oh, man. No way. He said some other people may have done it. He was drunk. Oh, man, no way.

Well, you thought of doing that to fucking Corey before. And Trevor. Didn't you do it to Trevor? No, he said he would, but he never actually had a eel. We did go eel fishing. We just didn't catch anything. You went fishing for one? Yeah, and he said he was going to pull one up Trevor's ass.

I didn't. That was a joke. Well, it almost happened. People would wonder what would happen, so... Jesus, Murphy, that would not be fun. Nope. I can't imagine, you know, having an eel and just going, Hmm, I wonder.

Wonder what's farther up here. I don't know what I... Let's just do this. Snag a lap. And as the eel, I guess you just keep going, trying to find a way out. Hell yeah. You'd be trying to get to the other end of whatever. I don't believe eels have a reverse. No. I don't believe they can back up.

They only have forward. Never really thought of that before, Bubs. Absolutely. You just have a forward gear. They only have forward. Never really thought of that before, Bubs. What's that? You just have a forward gear. No, and you can't get turned around in there. There's no way you're turning around. No, not if you're a giant eel.

What the fuck was that noise? It's just my computer, Ricky. Telling me the battery's dying. You know the cartoon Aladdin? Guess who his face was modeled after? Your favorite actor of all fucking times. Whose favorite actor? Yours.

Billy Bob Thornton. Nope, different one. Aladdin wasn't modeled after Billy Bob. There's no way. Nope. Your other favorite. My other favorite actor, Jack Nicholson. Nope.

One more guess. Vin Diesel. No. I don't like fucking Vin Diesel. Doesn't look like Vin Diesel, man. Vin Diesel. No. I don't like fucking Vin Diesel. Doesn't look like Vin Diesel, man. Come on. Aladdin. I like Jack Nicholson, Billy Bob Thornton. Those are two of my favorites. Tom Hanks. There's no way. Close. Close to Tom Hanks? Tom Hanks' son.

No. He's good actor too. Tom Cruise. Tom Cru- I don't like Tom. That's why you like Aladdin so much. Oh yeah, I'm a big Tom Cruise fan. Huge Tom Cruise fan. Yeah, oh I love Tom Cruise.

Fucking lunatic Scientology weirdo. You used to like him. Used to like him a lot. Back in the day. Used to slide across the floor with the mic and shit. Remember when you signed up for the Air Force? Try to be a fighter pilot? Always wanted to buy a fucking...

I like Top Gun, big deal. You always wanted to buy a 900 Ninja? I like Top Gun because I'm into fighter jets and I like Kelly McGillis. And you were into Tom Cruise. I didn't like Tom Cruise. Oh man, you used to dress like him, talk like him. Tom Cruise can go fuck himself with the Scientology Bible. What would have happened if you would have got into the Air Force?

It would have changed things. I would have been... Remember I went with you and I was on mushrooms? I probably would have flew in the Gulf War, dropping bombs. Precision guided ammunition. You were on mushrooms, Ricky? Yeah, they were like, wow. That's probably why I didn't get in. Do you do these a lot? Yeah. You're not supposed to lie to them. Any other drugs you do? Yeah. Lots.

That's probably why I didn't get in. I went there with you and they were probably like, well if he's on mushrooms, this guy probably... Well, I'm sure there was other reasons why he didn't get in. Bub's just wasn't his fault. I don't know what they would be. I mean, I... Yeah, I wonder what... Passed the test and... 2020. Yeah. 2020.

That's one of the things. What do you mean 2020? Nothing. Let's just get on to the next one. 2020 what? Barbara Walsh's 2020? No, man. Or referencing my eyesight 2020? Not talking about it, buddy. You're talking about it right now. Not me. Well, you guys can both take a big fucking hydraulic sock, because that had nothing to do with it. Oh, Archie was based on Mickey Rooney.

Oh, and Ariel from Little Mermaid was based on Alyssa Milano. Really? That's weird, because... Irene Bedard? Alyssa Milano's not part fish. As far as I know, Ariel is. Isn't she? She's a... well, you know. She's a mermaid.

Yeah. She's amphibious. What? Amphibious. She can live in water or land. No? Who? Who's he talking about? Ariel. Fuck.

The mermaid. The little mermaid. Mermaids don't exist, dude. Sure they don't. Irene Bedard. That's who Pocahontas was based on. Really? Yeah. That's who Badaard, that's who Pocahontas was based on. Really? Yeah.

Eric Hartman was based on Archie Bunker. Oh, she did a voice too. Did you mention that one? Eric Hartman was based on Archie Bunker. Archie Bunker, man. That kind of makes sense. It should, because that's where it came from, right? Hmm.

Yeah. Guess so, Ricky. Let's go eel fishing. I don't want to go eel fishing. I fucking hate eels. Slimy, long bastards. All right, are we done yet? I've got a lot of Christmas shit to take care of. A lot of stealing to do, do you?

It's not stealing. Oh, Ricky, how about this? How about this news story? All right, bring it on. Try to freak me out. A man in Iowa led police on a high-speed chase after refusing to pull over for a traffic stop. Okay? All right.

He refuses to pull over. High-speed chase starts. Yep. Guess what he was... Guess why he was taken off. He was naked. No. He just committed a robbery.

No. Way stupider. Oh, he's dumb. Yeah, super dumb. He was smoking a joint. No. He took off running and got chased by the cops because it was on his bucket list. Running or in a car?

In a car. What's this guy? I don't know how old he was, but he always wanted to get chased by the cops. And a high-speed chase, it was on his bucket list. That's awesome. I don't know if it is, Ricky. I respect that. I mean, it is that. It is fun.

It is kind of cool. Ricky, you endanger people's lives. Yeah. I see I'm going to convince you of anything. Endanger people's lives, innocent civilians, the police. Same as going on a roller coaster. Kind of. That's nothing like going on a roller coaster.

Or bungee jumping. Going on a high-speed chase and endangering innocent people's lives is the same as going on a roller coaster. You go on a roller coaster, you are taking your life into your hands. Your life? I'm talking about other people. What if there's, you know, an old lady going down the street with her groceries, and you're in a high-speed chase and you lose control and you fucking crash into her? What if the same old lady's going down the street

with her groceries and while you're on the roller coaster you make some move and the fucking car flies off the roller coaster and crushes her? Same thing. Why is she buying groceries at the amusement park? Maybe they had a sale.

Right there. Maybe she's got a fucking bag full of like, you know, souvenirs and shit for her kids. Yeah, Cotton Canyon shit. Boys. What? It's possible. It's... Okay, so you think those are the same, do you? A high speed fucking chase through a residential neighborhood. No, you don't.

Like, you've got to, if you're going to do a high-speed chase, you've got to be smart about it. You don't go right through a fucking city, you know, through red lights and shit. You can slow down at the lights, motor through. Oh, well, oh, so a high-speed chase, you're just obeying the traffic laws, are you? Well, you try to, man. You don't be a dick about it. I mean, sometimes when you chase, I'll stop at the odd stop sign or I'll stop at a red light, make sure it's clear. You get ahead, man. You can do that.

You don't want to break too many laws. You could get into a lot of trouble. Just so you know, most people don't do that in high-speed chases. I watch the fucking news. They're trying to get away. They're going through people's yards. They'll do anything. Okay, but I do agree with that guy that everybody should do it once. Just to try it.

Hey, maybe we can set up something that people can actually do that. Yeah. Ooh, a high-speed chase simulator. Kinda. But like, you know, out in the country a bit. We could start a business. Just get a cop car and... Go down some dirt roads and shit. Alright, go. We're gonna chase you, see if we can get you. Jump a creek kind of thing, like Duke's Ass. Oh my God, you guys are fucked.

We'll pay big bucks for that, man. We'd have to build our own roads, probably. You guys are fucked. Oh, you know what I saw on Shark Tank, though? What? I'm gonna go on Shark Tank. This guy invented this fucking thing. You get towed.

Okay, you know what? You know when you're water skiing. You're on skis getting towed behind a boat, right? This guy invented a fucking wing, a flying wing. And you get towed behind an airplane. What? In the air and you're flying on a fucking wing. I don't understand.

Have fun doing that, man. I'm going to do it. Fuck that. It's just like water skiing in the air, Ricky. But how? You're on a thing. He built this thing. You strap your feet into it and it's got...

So it's a hovercraft. Kind of. What if you wipe out? I don't know. I've heard... You wipe out the thing don't know. I've heard hitting... You wipe out the thing, fucking, you're just like all over the place, man. I've heard hitting the air 60 miles an hour, same as hitting concrete. Hitting the air?

Yeah. No, man. No, Ricky, you're misunderstanding. It's a flying wing and you're getting towed behind a plane. So how fast are you going? Plane speed. So you need oxygen. I don't know. I don't know, Ricky.

How high up are you? I don't know any of these details. I just saw it on Shark Tank. He was trying to get Richard Branson to buy in and he told him to go fuck himself. Really? Yup. Sounds really fucked. I'm gonna go on Shark Tank, I think. I think Richard Branson would... I could get into a business with Richard Branson.

What kind of business would you go on Shark Tank? I've got all kinds of inventions in my shed that I could bring in there. All kinds of inventions. Nobody's ever seen my folding glass. Your what? My folding glass, my camping glass that folds up. Yeah, they have those, though. They're out, man.

They've been out for fucking years. Coleman's been making them since the 80s. What? Maybe not. I invented that fucking thing. No, you're fucking, you know. Collapsible glass. I invented that fucking thing. No, you're fucking, you know. Collapsible glass. Collapsible, man.

No, mine folds up into four wings, four pieces. Folds flat. And it's real glass? They've been using, like, buffalo sacks as glasses. It does the same fucking thing. Who with? Way back, you know, the pioneers and shit, man. Buffalo sacks?

Used to fill up a buffalo fucking nut sack. They'd take the shit out of furs, fill it up with water, they'd get something to hold around their water. Don't look at me that way, man. It's true. What in the fuck are you talking about? I invented a folding glass. I'm not talking about sucking off buffalo nuts.

Who's talking about sucking off buffalo nuts? You're talking about putting a buffalo nuts. Who's talking about sucking off buffalo nuts? You're talking about putting a buffalo sack up to your lips. For water, yeah. Doing whatever to it. Probably licking it. And they used to put like... How would you know it was clean shit?

How would you know it was totally clean? It's not like stainless steel. It's boiling water and shit. Oh, so you're going to boil the sack. To clean it, I guess. I don't fucking know. I wasn't someone that used one of these. The sack's going water and shit. Oh, so you're going to boil the sack? To clean it, I guess. I don't fucking know. I wasn't someone that used one of these. The sack's going to break down at boiling temperatures.

I don't... You clean it. You use fucking sand. I don't know, man. You do something with it. Clean out the bull sack with sand. All right, you take your collapsible fucking glass and go and shark. That's just one of the things.

I'll come up with something better than that, but I'm just saying. A high-speed chase simulator thing, that's for real. That's the way to go. I bet you I could get all five sharks. All five sharks. You'd get them all, huh? I would. I'd get Lori on for sure.

She'd get me on QVC. I'd get Laurie on for sure. She'd get me on QVC. I'd get Robert. Robert would be right on there. Mark Cuban. Guaranteed Mark Cuban's gonna love what I have to say. Kevin O'Leary, he might be a bit of a hard sell. That'd be like nice class. You use it what, once a year, if that? Take your kids camping, use it once maybe? Well, I wouldn't pitch that one to those guys. Damon.

Damon might dig it. Anyway, you'll mark my fucking words if I'm not on Shark Tank this year. Can't wait. Do you want to make a bet? Yeah, I'm willing to make a bet here. A hundred bucks. No, not betting you. Because it's not going to happen.

Because you'll actively try to make it not happen. Ruin my dreams like you always do. What do you mean? I always ruin your dreams. What are you talking about? Always ruining. Always stepping on my dreams. Like what?

What dreams? You can't do that, Bubbles. All right, if you're going to Shark Tank, Julian and Jacob will make out. I'm not going to make out with Jacob. You have to, it's part of the bet. Who says? Ricky just made me the bet. You're not gonna go in Shark Tank.

I'll take that bet, Ricky. There. Have fun. Have fun knackin' with Jacob. I'll help him. All right, is that it? Can we go? I got it. Yes, you can go and start stealing your fucking decorations. All right, where should we start?

I said we go down to the Mic Mac mall, wait in the parking lot for shoppers to come out with a load of presents. They put them in their trunk and they go back in the mall. Easy pickings. Perfect. Unbelievable. And we're going to siphon some gas later on tonight. Merry fucking Christmas to us.