Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 121 - Smokin’ Doctors

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

Julian signed a bong deal for the Boys and Ricky does some quality control testing with the help of some hash… er, chocolate.  PLUS:  The Boys bust out an old nickname that infuriates Bubbles! Epi...sode 121 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.
Starting point is 00:00:26 And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Okay, Julian, let's get this baby rolling. I am fucking excited. Just going to get her going. All right, okay. I'm excited. What's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Episode 121. It's Friday, December 8th. Yes. Check that shit out. Yes, Ricky. Ricky. All right, December 8th. I'm excited because it's getting close to Christmas.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Ricky. Ricky. What's he doing? He's sleeping. He's got the eyeballs on these thinking he's gonna trick me. Ricky, wake up! Ricky! Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Ricky. I'm good. Just tell me when you guys are ready. Tell me when you guys are ready. Tell me when you guys are ready. We're doing it. We're ready. All right, let's do it. Ricky.
Starting point is 00:01:31 This is going to be a lot of fun. I know you're fucked up, but come on. That's going to be a good podcast. I'm feeling it. It's getting close to Christmas. Let's do this. All right, let's do it. What do you want to do? Don't know.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Oh, I got to open this to officially start it. Fuck, here we go. Let's just, you know, you must have some Christmas stuff. Christmas stuff? To talk about. Mm, mm-hmm. Yes, I do, actually. Bongs.
Starting point is 00:02:02 We're selling bongs. Check that out When did that come about we've been saw something I've been working on man What food saw this for a long time? Oh, have we well now we're gonna promote glass bombs Perfect pretty cool. And you put you on it. Oh, yeah That's pretty nice. That is nice. A little surprise for you here, Rick. Is that one with Ricky on it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:31 And one with me on it. Yeah, you're going to give them for 20 bucks each? What do you mean? I don't even get a free fucking bomb. No, you've got to pay for the bomb. You're not going to, you know, we're not going to profit from it or anything. Decent. Mine's shaped like a beaker. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:02:47 That's pretty cool. That is cool. Listen. Glass. Real glass. Those are... So I should make some money off that, shouldn't I? Well, yeah, we're going to get into that. We just got to wait for the year end and all that shit. You know, the fiscal year.
Starting point is 00:03:02 I don't know when the fucking ends are... The fiscal year? Well, yeah, I don't know when the fucking ends or... The fiscal year. Well, yeah, I don't know when it starts, but once we get to the end of it, that's when we check out the inventory, we find out how much money we made off them, and then we find out how much you make off of it. So it's gonna take a while.
Starting point is 00:03:16 So you don't know how much you've made yet, and I don't even get a say. No, we gotta sell them first, okay? You gotta sell them. You gotta sell some. And that's a brand new company, I suppose. Well, yeah. It's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:28 It's kind of brand new. All overseen by Julian, with no input from us. You'll get some money, eventually. I promise you that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just buy some fucking bombs, please. Just rolling in from the other things you've sold with my face on it.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Well, it's the fiscal year, man. And then we gotta figure out the fucking profit margins and all that shit. It's a lot of fucking work. A lot of accounting. Profit margins. Fiscal year. What are you, on the business website, are you? Downloading big words? Pops, it's business. It's what I know.
Starting point is 00:03:58 It's what I am. Business. Okay, yeah. Okay, Dragon's Den. Well, you'll be happy when you get a check. Whatever you say. Awesome. Whatever you say. What's that, Ricky? I'm just thirsty, boys. Just go about your business. Don't pay attention to Ricky. Well, you owe me 20 bucks for that, by the way.
Starting point is 00:04:14 I already paid you. I think you didn't pay me. Yeah, I did too. I just paid you cash. Okay, all right. You guys are fucking doing this to me. That's 40 bucks. You're not charging me 20 bucks for something that you're illegally selling with my picture on it.
Starting point is 00:04:29 I paid 20 bucks for mine. Well. To who? To the company. If I'm going to pay 20 bucks for something, I know that I need to know that it works, right? Oh, I thought you needed a bottle of water because you had a headache or something. I do. But then I decided to fix the headache a different way.
Starting point is 00:04:50 All right, this is good. Make sure we get a good close shot of him doing this. What kind of suction? Yeah, look at him trying to make a commercial for free. Oh, it's a nice bong, though, isn't it, Rick? It looks all right, but does it work good? What kind of suction does she have? We're going to see here in a second, aren't we?
Starting point is 00:05:07 Better than his mom? I highly doubt that. Can you just turn the bong a little bit so your face... Suck a basketball through a garden hose. Is that the expression? What am I doing? Just turn the bong a bit so we can read it. I'm not doing a fucking commercial here.
Starting point is 00:05:23 I'm trying to get rid of a headache. Piece of shit. All right, so buy this bong. It's good for headaches. Well, is it? We don't know that yet. We'll see in a second. All right. You're just gonna smoke hash right on the podcast. It's not hash. It's, uh, chocolate. It's chocolate. He's smoking chocolate.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Oh, yeah, look at that. Yep. Ah, perfect. Okay, now pull the thing out and fucking huff her. Nice. How'd it work? I owe you 20 bucks. Okay, good. There you go.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Approved by Ricky. I'll try to get it to you by... I don't know. End of the fiscal year, maybe, Ricky. Get it to him now. Depending on the IRO and the TBS and all those different types of things, yeah. What the fuck is he talking about? Depending on the IRO. TBS and all those different types of things, yeah. What the fuck is he talking about? And on the IRO.
Starting point is 00:06:28 On the IRO, okay. The investment return of. All right, I'll get the money from you. I'm not worried about it. TPD. Or TBD. What's TBD? To be determined.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Oh, my God, man. Okay, boys, check this out. I got some stuff here that I think you might be... Headache is gone. I'm feeling great. There you go, Ricky. Because of the ball. Fuck, these are good balls. Wow, I got stuff here I didn't even know I had.
Starting point is 00:06:57 What is all this shit? Go, go. Give me something. Cartoon characters you didn't know were based on real people. We went through some of these, didn't we? Yeah, we did. When? Yeah, we did, man.
Starting point is 00:07:08 The last podcast. Maybe we didn't get some good. All of them. I don't think we did. Well, how are we going to remember which ones we did get? Good question. I don't think we did any, did we? I heard a voice come from over here that said he erased them, the ones we talked about.
Starting point is 00:07:24 There you go. Why the fuck would you erase the shit we shot? So we don't fucking repeat it. Oh, off there. I thought you fucking did some clippity-clip in the editing room, you stone bastard. No, this is all fresh ones. Okay, good, good, good. But I don't remember doing any last week.
Starting point is 00:07:39 How baked were we? We were pretty baked. Name one that we did. I don't remember. Pocahontas. What? Who was that? Well, yeah. Well, Ricky, that's based on real. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:55 That wasn't a big fucking surprise to anybody. No, these are like ones that are based on real. Oh, so we already did this. Well, we didn't do those ones. What is this, the first one? You guys are fucking this shit up. Milhouse, he's based off the dude off the Wonder Years. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:11 That's that guy. Paul Pfeiffer. Mr. Mango. No, that's not Mango. Mr. Magoo was based on comedian W.C. Fields. I thought he was based on you. Like an older version of you. Mr. Mag W.C. Fields. I thought he was based on you. Who? Like an older version of you.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Mr. Magoo. Yeah. Go fuck yourself. People used to tease him, call him Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo was out long before me, before I was ever around. Fuck Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo can go pound sand up the eye of his cock. You want to fuck Mr. Magoo, do you? That's quite an image.
Starting point is 00:08:52 You're an arsehole, Ricky. Arsehole. All right, is there anything else, sir? I can't even, like... I don't know. Now you fucking ruined my whole day. That's what you did. Dennis the Menace, he was based on who? Dennis the Menace was based on his unruly son. Dennis. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:14 That's amazing. Isn't that something? Ursula in The Little Mermaid was modeled after 1970s drag queen Divine. Who? Divine? Devine? I don't know how the fuck do you say it. Divine, yeah. What about her? Ursula. Ursula in The Little Mermaid.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Or The Littlest Mermaid. Oh, yeah, I could have told you that just by looking at her. Ursula's the big, you know, she comes out and she's... kind of strange looking. Okay, so this is done. That was great. So that second, it's all destroyed now. That was something else. I was all excited about that.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Well, here, you can... We did these as well, so you may as well go through those again. I'm guessing the ones we did are erased. Not from the fucking video, dumbass. We did some of these, too. So, um, I got nothing there. Well, let's just stop. We're done.
Starting point is 00:10:14 No, I'm excited. We're done. No, we're not done, Ricky. We're not done. Do movie facts that sound like they're fake? We did those, too. What the fuck did we have them on the table for? Because I didn't realize that we did them.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Because I was drinking and doing... Speaking of drinking and doing weird things, I forgot I... I got wasted last night and I started finding all these weird fucking things. Jesus, look at all this shit. At least I was prepared and you're not. What is it? Just some fucking fun things to know. Over 600 patients catch fire every year during medical surgery. What? I didn't know that. Is
Starting point is 00:10:52 that real? I don't know. It must be. It was on the worldly pipe. 600 patients catch fire? That's fucked up. Must be electrical fires, is it? How would they catch fire? Smoking? No, it's patients, Ricky. You think the doctor's in there fucking smoking while he's operating? It's all those fucking machines, I'm telling you. They're not probably designed right. But how does the patient catch on fire?
Starting point is 00:11:20 So when they're talking about when they're catching on fire, they're using one of those lasers or something, maybe, and they cut, and then boom, a little flame comes up. Maybe that's what they're talking about when they're catching off, they're using one of those lasers or something, maybe, and they cut, and then boom, a little flame comes up. Maybe that's what they're talking about. Not like totally your whole body's on fire. Well, I don't know, because you can light Doritos on fire. So if you're, you know, a little overweight or whatever, it might just go up like a fucking drum of gas. The fat tissue just goes right up.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Yeah. Tricky. It could be gas that's coming out of gas. The fat tissue just goes right up. Yeah. Tricky. It could be gases coming out of people. You know what I mean? You cut somebody open and a big, you know, bunch of trap farts comes out of them. Well, and in certain countries, doctors are still allowed to smoke.
Starting point is 00:12:00 So, you know, if you're smoking and one of the ashes drips on the blanket, well, they'll operate on somebody. They're allowed to smoke. Ricky. Yeah. There's no fucking way that's happening. What?
Starting point is 00:12:09 You name the country. Canada has strict, strict regulations on that sort of stuff. Is it where doctors smoke cigarettes while they're operating on people? I think just some of the, you know, not quite as on-the-go countries. Not quite as developed as they like to say. Smoking cigarettes during operation. You can smoke on planes while you're doctoring. You can still smoke on planes in some airlines.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Okay, name that country, and that's the country with the smoking doctors. And the smoking nurses. Maybe back in the 70s I could see that happening. Because everybody smoked back then. I don't think anybody that was a serious doctor would light up a goddamn cigarette while they're operating. Probably one of the cheaper doctors. Yeah, like a back alley kind of doctor.
Starting point is 00:12:52 He's like, I'm going to work for less money because I can still smoke. A back... Someone like Sam Losko, you could see him smoking while fucking doing some kind of surgery. You guys are fucked. Or maybe just hot knives or a little fucking pipe and then you know something hot gets on a blanket oh so now doctors are doing blades while they're operating i was a doctor i would or just like this you know and then all of a sudden you drop this on something that's hot and
Starting point is 00:13:17 so if you were a doctor you'd have a bong in the operating room just rubbing alcohol light on fire yes there you go. So there's lots of fucking flamey shit around. Could even just be a spark from a... a sparker thing or a flint. Frankie fuck's sakes. What else is here? That was one of the better ones, I think.
Starting point is 00:13:43 Teddy bears are responsible for the death of more people annually than real bears. Look at that. Wow. I don't know if they mean like the movie Ted, or if they mean like kids are eating them and choking on the fucking things. Kids are fucking eating them, man. Kids are eating their button eyes. That's what it is. And they did have that bear that had the arms that automatically go like this to hug you, and you had to move them back, and I think kids were getting strangled by the fucking things.
Starting point is 00:14:10 That was... No, man. That... You mean the bear that was... They're at Canadian Tire right now. You walk in and they... They're fucking inflatable, man. They're not gonna strangle you. It's a bad design.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Oh, man. They're not gonna strangle you. It's a bad design. So you think that they have such a spring-loaded arm that they're gonna clomp you and you're not gonna be able to get out of it? Well, if you're a little kid with not much strength and it goes around your neck, all of a sudden you're seeing... Well, that would be a terrible design flaw.
Starting point is 00:14:40 I find it hard to believe that didn't get passed. No, man. In inspections. That's not a problem with those things. What? Male clownfish eat damaged or abnormal eggs, which means Nemo would have never been born. It's a bullshit movie.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Nemo would have never been born. Where the fuck did you get these things, man? I got them from Ricky. I know. I'm asking him. Oh. They're fucked. I was on a site that says,
Starting point is 00:15:10 we'll get you learned. So Nemo, the whole premise of the movie's fucked. Bullshit. I'm never watching it again. Well, Ricky, it doesn't mean you don't have to watch it. They could have tweaked it slightly, that he get mangled after he was born. They could, yeah. How would that he get mangled after he was born. They could, yeah. How would Nemo get mangled, though?
Starting point is 00:15:34 Well, maybe he got a little fucking something wrapped around his little fin and it didn't grow full up. Made it mini-fin. That's not bad. What? He could have got one of those plastic beer things on his fin. Or a twist tie. A twist tie, a bread tie on his fin, and it didn't grow. Or he put it on because he thought it was cool, like a little bracelet, and then it grew enough
Starting point is 00:15:53 that he couldn't get the fucking thing off, and then it wouldn't grow anymore. You know what, that would've made- It's buffs, it's fucking- That would've made fucking Finding Nemo a little more accurate. Yeah, well, why don't you fucking get ahold of Disney and tell them the fucking finding Nemo a little more accurate. Why don't you fucking get a hold of Disney and tell them the backstory of Nemo. Let's call them right now on speakerphone.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Let's go for it, Rick. I wish we had a speakerphone. Let's see you try to get a hold of some of Walt Disney. We could try to call Walt Disney. Look up the number. Are you serious? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, look them up.
Starting point is 00:16:20 I'm going to call Disney. You guys are fucked. Tell them they made an error in their script. Walt Disney phone number. You should get the studio number. Holy fuck, listen to this one, boys. In 1888, hailstones the size of oranges killed 230 people in India.
Starting point is 00:16:43 That would suck. That would suck. But I mean, I wonder if they mean the little oranges or the big fucking nasal oranges. Hmm. I would imagine, Ricky, if it's killing people, I would think it's a big... It's called a navel orange, not a nasal orange. I knew it was some part of the body.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Yeah. That would fucking hurt. And they're probably coming down. They've got to be doing 20 kilometers an hour. Pale? Rick, you know it's coming down at terminal velocity, probably. It's coming down fast. Coming down fast.
Starting point is 00:17:22 And it's hard, isn't it? Very hard. It's an ice ball, Ricky. So you imagine somebody, you know, you're up 20, 30,000 feet and you're whipping ice balls down on people. That'd be fucking awesome. Well, I mean, not for the people getting hit, but for the people throwing. That's not really the point. Did you find Disney's hotline?
Starting point is 00:17:43 You just kept getting right there. Do they have a hotline, a complaint line? No, man, they don't. Disney Studios. Fuck, come on. I've got it on Disney Studios. You've got to email these fucking guys. Fuck that.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Just... Fuck. Gracie, once a tech gets a taste of your scent, it will actively try to hunt you down. What the fuck? Ticks are bastards, man. I fucking hate those things. How does it taste your scent?
Starting point is 00:18:08 Yeah, I know. I've had ticks on me before. I don't know how it tastes your scent. It can taste with its nose. That does seem weird, but once it gets a sniff of you... You're fucking done. Get them on. You gotta take, like, a little mini crowbar and hook it on, then do a circular thing, and then...
Starting point is 00:18:24 Yeah. Yeah. Or else the head gets stuck in there. Oh, I've removed them from kitties, believe me. They suck. I know how to do the tech twister. It's not as bad as those little bot fucking flies you were showing us. That was gross, man. Oh, bot flies.
Starting point is 00:18:38 Don't even talk about those fucking things. Dirty little fuckers. Did I show you any of the videos? Yes, I just threw up. That fucking dog that had like 1,500 squeezing like zits. Fucking little maggots coming out. Botflies, and you know what they do? So it takes about 40 days for it to turn into a big maggot in your skin,
Starting point is 00:19:00 and they put Vaseline over the hole, and it starts to suffocate, so it comes up trying to find air and it wiggles its head out, gone. Grab them with pinchers and you pull them out. But it's right down in your skin. Why are we talking about this right now? I don't know. Stir it with ticks.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Ticks, oh yeah, ticks. I think I got a little bit high just off your... hash. Smoke, Ricky. In Japan, the family of somebody who commits suicide by jumping in front of a train must pay a disruption fee. Must be a lot of people doing that, Doc. Way to fucking boot you in the nuts even harder.
Starting point is 00:19:47 That's terrible. Your fucking child commits suicide and then you gotta pay for it? Fuck. Terrible. I wouldn't have even read, I should have pre-read that one.
Starting point is 00:19:54 That's awful. That's horrible. Hurtless. Awful. It's probably the government's fault that the fucking person jumped in front of the train
Starting point is 00:20:02 in the first place. Well, here's one you would find interesting, Ricky. If removed from the body, a person's intestines could be used to climb down from a third floor of a building. I think that is important to know, because if you're stuck in a fire or whatever, somebody's got to go. You don't have any rope. I think they just mean the length. I don't think they mean it would hold. Why don't they just say it's fucking long as three stories?
Starting point is 00:20:35 It says they could be used to climb down. I think they would rip, wouldn't they? Intestines aren't going to hold. There's only one way to find out. Ricky, we're not running an experiment with somebody's intestines. We could put them back in. No, you couldn't. Once they're out, they're fucking out by...
Starting point is 00:20:54 They're exposed. During the siege, 1870 siege of Paris, almost every animal in the city was consumed, including dogs, cats, rats, wolves, and an elephant. How fucked up is that? That's like the fucking Walking Dead shit. It was what? Right there.
Starting point is 00:21:10 We're just eating everything. They eat every animal, man. Oh, I thought you meant the fire consumed them. No, people were eating everything, man. I bet you people ate humans back then, too. Dogs, cats, rats, wolves, and an elephant. Who was the lucky guy that got the elephant? He was eating like a king, that guy.
Starting point is 00:21:29 You think an elephant's good eating? If you're starving. If you're starving and the choice is a fucking rat kebab or a big fucking dirty elephant. Cutting big steaks out of them. Man, that's fucked up. What would you eat on the list, Ricky, if you had to pick one? That's a... fuck. I don't really want to eat any of these fucking things. No, I'm saying if you had to. What does an elephant taste like? Let's check this out. Yeah, I
Starting point is 00:21:59 don't know about an elephant, but I can't imagine a dog or a cat or a rat or a wolf tastes very good. Although they do eat dogs somewhere. They eat dogs, I think, in a few places. So maybe a dog, I guess. Apparently an elephant tastes like spam. It's like slightly jelly-ish and coarse and fucking unpleasant. Weird. All right, cancel the elephant off the list.
Starting point is 00:22:32 No, that's a lot of... Try a dog. Are you serious? What does a dog taste like? Yep. Oh, boys, don't find that out. I don't want to know what a dog tastes like. Would you rather search cat?
Starting point is 00:22:43 We're going to search that next. Fucking watch your mouth. Okay. Okay, braised dog, eaten cooked like a clay pot. Braised dog? Threw some garlic and chilies in it. God. Do you think back in the siege
Starting point is 00:22:57 they were cooking with garlic and chilies? It's a cross between beef and mutton. What the fuck's a mutton? It's a sheep or something, isn't it? This rat could use some cumin. What is it, soy sauce? You got a good meal. So dogs are good.
Starting point is 00:23:14 This rat could use some coriander with this rat would be nice. Maybe check cats. Yeah, no, we're definitely checking cats. Don't even type it in. I'll fucking belt you one. C-A-T. Return. I will belt you one.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Okay. Don't tell people they're delicious. Cat dog. They probably taste like a rabbit. Ricky, they don't taste like a rabbit. Why is it... Okay. It's funny if they taste like something really fucked.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Fish. Oh, my God. Similar to a fucking cat and smooth like rabbit meat. There you go. So it tastes like chicken and it's like a rabbit meat. That's bullshit. They're not good tasting, so don't even get a fucking idea in your head. They eat a lot of cats in fucking China and Peru.
Starting point is 00:24:05 So, bubs? We should go visiting. If there's some shit going down, we can eat your cats. And we'll be fucking saved. You ever been smashed with a glass bong? No, I haven't, bubs. A face? Because you're about to be.
Starting point is 00:24:19 I took a bite out of one once. Ricky, you did not take a bite out of a cat. No, a bong. A glass bone. Oh, I remember when you did that, you'd fucking cut the inside of your mouth almost in half. Tried to hide it and say you didn't cut yourself. What does penguin meat taste like?
Starting point is 00:24:39 What do you think? Want to check it? Ask your mom. That's pretty nice. Get it? Get it? I don't know. Ask your joke. Okay. God sakes. Something along those lines. All right. I can't imagine a penguin would taste great. I would think it would be.
Starting point is 00:25:18 It is all muscle, isn't it? You'd probably want to serve it chilled. Fuck off. Get it? Chilled? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Antarctica. Yeah, that's funny. Is that there in South America? I can't find to serve it chilled. Fuck off. Get it? Chilled? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Antarctica. Yeah, that's funny.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Is that there in South America? I can't find it, man. It's... this computer's fucking... Penguins aren't in fucking South America, Ricky. Something down there. Pretty far. Antarctica. Is that what it's called?
Starting point is 00:25:40 That's at the very bottom, the big ice. And what's the one at the North Pole? That's the Arctic. And the other one's an ant. Arctic. Antarctica. Oh, fuck. I forgot to tell you a video I saw.
Starting point is 00:25:59 I wonder, can I show it to you? Is that the one where the Navy guys build the big penis? No, I saw that one too. That was cool. Did you see that, Julian? No. A couple of Navy pilots took a jet up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:10 And you know, they can turn on the smoke when they're doing their things. They drew great big cock and balls in the sky with the jet.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Did they get in shit? Yes, they did. Well, it said they got in trouble. Who knows? I doubt they got in much trouble. I would think they did, Ricky.
Starting point is 00:26:24 They probably got a fucking medal. I would think they did, Ricky. Probably got a fucking medal. I would think they did, because they're using taxpayer dollars for that fuel. And they're supposed to be doing, you know, training. I don't think that's real training. That's not fucking easy to do. I was impressed. Be that, yeah. That could be considered training, man. I'd want a medal if it was me. All right. And when you look at the picture, I don't know how they did the balls. They had to pull like...
Starting point is 00:26:47 Oh, that'd be some serious Gs. Was it like an erect one? It was pointing, yeah. Okay, so they were pulling some serious Gs going up, right? Based on the size of the shaft compared to the balls, I would say it was erect. All right. That's how you deduce that? Well.
Starting point is 00:27:04 Just, I mean, to do the balls, though. They had to be pulling nine or ten Gs, I would think. Oh, yeah, man. What was the video you were talking about? Oh, I just saw it. These guys. What the fuck are you... What the fuck are you watching?
Starting point is 00:27:21 Is that chainsaw porn? What's that? It's a couple of firefighters with no shirts on. No, it's not. I was looking up what does cat meat taste like, and this came up. Cat food? Cat meat. Get that the fuck off of there.
Starting point is 00:27:36 No video I saw. These two guys built a scale model of the solar system. Built it to scale. So they built the universe. No, they built it to scale, Ricky. So the sun is a meter and a half big. Okay. Okay?
Starting point is 00:27:56 That makes the Earth the size of a marble. All right. Okay, so you got the sun, you got Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars. It goes right out to Neptune. All right. Okay, so you got the sun, you got Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars. It goes right out to Neptune. But to build the scale, with the Earth being the size of a marble, guess how big it is? Bigger than this table. How big is the sun?
Starting point is 00:28:18 You saying? The sun's a meter and a half, so it's about that big, the sun. All right. And it's just our solar system, just to the edge of Neptune. All right. How big of a space do you think they needed to build that? A hockey rink. That's a good guess. Football field.
Starting point is 00:28:36 That's a good guess. That's what people would think. So picture it. The Earth's as big as a marble. Yeah, right. The sun's as big as a meter and a half. To build, this just tells you how much empty space there is in space. To build the scale model of the solar system took seven miles.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Seven fucking miles. Seven miles. What the fuck are you talking about? Because there's never been a scale model built where you can... So what building's seven miles long? It's not in a building. They did it in the Nevada desert, Ricky. What? That's fucking... You're not going to hike through a desert to see the model.
Starting point is 00:29:14 No, but you could... They shot it from up on a mountain, and you can look down and you can see. But I'm just trying to tell you, there's the size of the Earth. A marble. Yeah. Right?
Starting point is 00:29:24 Or a ball. A ball, whatever, but they used a marble. Yeah. Right? Or a ball. A ball, whatever. But they used a marble, and they put it on a little stand. Nut. And it's, the whole thing is seven miles. Is there anything else in there?
Starting point is 00:29:35 Like any asteroids? Black holes? No, because they'd be too small. What about our moon? The moon was about the size of a, the moon was about the size of a... like a push pin. With the round thing. A booger.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Look, if the Earth was this big, right? Size of a marble. And the moon was just like this big, how far apart do you think they are? Uh... A couple miles? No, Ricky. The whole thing's seven miles.
Starting point is 00:30:08 But if the Earth's this big and the moon is, like, this big, they're about... Are they that... No, they're not that far. About that far apart. No, they're not. Yeah. No, they're not. It's pretty close. It's real close.
Starting point is 00:30:19 But that's still... People, when you see a picture of the Earth with the moon going around it, you know, the moon's always right next to the Earth. But it's not. It's way the fuck out here. Now, this is all based on the fact that they're saying the Earth isn't flat. Oh, my God, Ricky. So did they make money off this? Is that what it's all about? No, they weren't trying to make money. They just built it.
Starting point is 00:30:42 It was only visited? No, no, it just got built temporarily to film it. It's not still there. Why go through all the trouble? Why not just do the calculations and say, if you wanted to build a fucking full scale CGI, man. Because people, it's cooler to see it. So you guys are giving these guys shit for actually going out.
Starting point is 00:31:00 Well, it's seven fucking miles. You're not going to see it. Or put it in a fucking place you can go and see it, besides a desert where you might fucking die of starvation. Or what is it? seven fucking miles. You're not gonna see it. Or put it in a fucking place you can go and see it, because besides the desert where you might fucking die of starvation, or what is it, not wateration, whatever they say it is. Oh, my God. Dehydration. The point of doing it is because nobody's ever been able to look at the Earth
Starting point is 00:31:20 in perspective to where the sun is from out here, except for 25 people. Really impressive. There's only been 25 people in history who have seen the Earth, the full Earth, with their own two eyes. What do you mean? 25.
Starting point is 00:31:35 I don't get it. There's only been 25 people have got in spaceships that went far enough away from the Earth that you could see the whole ball. Who were they? You mean 25, like... Astronauts. Okay. But we've seen pictures of it.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Yeah, but I mean, the people on the space station, you know, people that go up on those flights, the people that did the Mercury and stuff, they never got far enough away to see the whole Earth. Okay. I'm talking about Apollo mission. Monkeys. No, people.
Starting point is 00:32:07 How many monkeys? There wouldn't have been any monkeys, Ricky. That's what I'm saying. They just put monkeys into a shallow orbit. Nobody's ever gone far enough to see, so they built the model so that you could stand back and, oh, there's the fucking Earth, and there's how far away the sun is.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Wow. If you're a monkey, you'd be pretty pissed off and disappointed. It's like, okay, there's the fucking Earth, and there's how far away the sun is. Wow. If you're a monkey, you'd be pretty pissed off and disappointed. It's like, okay, that's it. I want to go further. Oh, my fuck, man. Are we done? I guess we should just wrap it up after that comment.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Starting to. So you're gonna go see this fucking goddamn thing? No, it up after that comment. Starting to. So you're gonna go see this fucking god damn thing? No, it's not there anymore. They just built it for a few hours. Oh my god. See this sounds more fucked by the second. It sounds totally lame, man. I'm gonna, we're gonna put a link up for the fucking video so that people can see it. Alright, I'm gonna have to see it.
Starting point is 00:33:00 It's decent. Right now you can take like Google Map, put pins down to where you know the same fucking thing. Boom, you've got it. I know but that's... That's what? There's lots of things like that. But you're not, then you don't understand how big the fucking things are. You can't...
Starting point is 00:33:16 Well you just explained it to us. You guys are fucked. You guys are fucked. Why? It's a big waste of money, man. Why are we fucked? It's not a waste of money. Two guys did it.
Starting point is 00:33:24 It's a huge waste of money. It probably we fucked? It's not a waste of money. Two guys did it. It's a huge waste of money. It probably didn't cost them anything. What, they had to buy some marbles and a fucking... I'd say it was a couple of dudes that live at home with their parents. They're fucking bored. They're probably on drugs. And they said, hmm, how can we keep ourselves busy and not have to work for the next fucking two years? Let's go build a dumb fucking model of the universe.
Starting point is 00:33:45 They had 36 hours to do it. They did it in 36 hours. But they had to think about it. They had to measure out. And they didn't just set it up. What they did was they had all the orbits traced out, right? And then they drove a car with a light on it around the orbit in, like, stop motion or whatever
Starting point is 00:34:05 so that you can stand there and you can see the fucking orbits. Is it flat? Well, yes. Ricky, they couldn't go seven miles up to build the fucking thing in 3-D. That'd be a lot harder. Yeah. But you know what? How do you know it's fucking accurate?
Starting point is 00:34:23 Like, did somebody check their fucking calculations and their measurements? Or did they just say, they presented it and said, this is the fucking deal? I'd like to go down there with a goddamn something that measures shit. You'd like to go down and check their math, would you? I'm calling bullshit. No, it's not bullshit. They did it. It shows the distances. I don't know. I mean, you can check it if you bullshit. They did it. It shows the distances. Seven miles. I don't know. I mean, you can check it if you want to get into it.
Starting point is 00:34:47 It shows the distances. It seems too far to me. But does it show, like, how high it would be? Like, the sun's just way up there and the Earth's there? Or is it just flat, the whole fucking thing? It's flat. Lame. See, that's fucking lame.
Starting point is 00:35:00 Lame? It should be 3D. That's right. Oh, my God, you guys are so fucked. Then I'd be impressed. I might build my own scale model. Why don't you, they could build one with balloons that would actually be up, you could look at up in the sky. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Okay, that makes sense. No, but you couldn't, Ricky, because the Earth is the size of a marble. If you make the Earth bigger, the fucking distance gets greater. That's lame, man. Well, maybe you could make it at least twice the size. So it's 14 miles long now. Yep. And that makes the Earth twice the size of a marble.
Starting point is 00:35:33 And you're going to put it up three and a half miles in the air as a fucking balloon, and you're not going to see shit. And you're just going to go, oh, I guess it's up there. Wow, this didn't really accomplish fucking anything. It'd be a lot better. And how do people go visit and look at it?
Starting point is 00:35:52 Well, you give them a fucking telescope. You rent a bus, okay? First stop, Earth. Here we are, right there. Next stop, we're going to go to the, you know, sun. Yeah, but it's three and a half miles in the fucking air. And it's that big. Helicopter tours.
Starting point is 00:36:06 I don't know. You can make money off it, man, with like a tour. People like you would go pay to see this. Helicopter tours. Why not? If you had the money, if you were rich and you could, you know, afford to get in a helicopter and do a tour. Universe. It's like a 3D thing.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Better. So you have a one centimeter balloon on a string. Three and a half miles in the air. And you're going to fly up to that in a helicopter. Maybe. You'd have to have radar and shit. You'd think it was pretty cool, though, wouldn't you? If they could do it.
Starting point is 00:36:40 You guys are fucked. That's terrible. They didn't. Oh, my God. I don't know. Whatever, Bubs. I stopped listening to you like fucking three minutes ago. People can watch the video themselves and see how fucking cool it is.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Okay. So? I have somebody coming in for the next podcast. Oh, yeah? I didn't tell you, Gus. Special guest. Really? Heavy duty? Pretty fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Nobody you guys have ever met. What, another astronaut besides Chris? No, I... no. Who else do you have crushes on? A musician? No, this is somebody from a field, a different field altogether. You won't believe it. You wait.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Scientist. Nope. The guy that built the model of the planet system. No, Ricky, I don't have him coming in. I might bet we should build our own scale model. No, I don't want anything to do with it, man. Go for it. Where could we find a road that's seven miles straight stretch? Where did Eminem grow up? That one was eight miles.
Starting point is 00:37:50 All right, let's end this. All right. Sign off. Okay, tune in next week. Big gas coming. You guys want to go to the Legion, play some bingo and get drunk? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Put your hands in, boys. Why? What's the trick here? Put them in. Are you tricking us?
Starting point is 00:38:11 No, I'm gonna do a chair to go to the Legion. We're just, we go to the Legion all the fucking time. Why don't we need a chair? Come on. One, two, three, Legion! Let's do it.

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