Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 122 - All the Way from LA, Mike Rowe

Episode Date: December 18, 2017

Emmy-award winning comedy writer Mike Rowe joins the podcash to share some stories about Rodney Dangerfield, Andy Kaufman, Donald Trump, and others.  PLUS: Learn Mike’s joke that got cut from the Justin Bieber roast for being too greasy! Episode 122 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Liquorman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. I wish we can't do this, yeah? We're going to have to do this. Listen to the fucking rain. Listen to the fucking rain. It's raining horse cocks. It's raining like a horse's slutty brother's father's mother.

What? All right, let's just, we got to, I guess it's not going to stop, so. All right, let's just deal with it. It is raining. All right, we ready to do this? Yeah. All right, what's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast.

It's coming at you right now. This is, gentlemen, episode 122. What's the date? December 15th, motherfucker. Wow, you're on it today. I'm on it today. Me too, me too. I'm ready for this one. Except I forgot my fucking lighter. Julian lighter, let's go. Wow, you're on it today. I'm on it today. Me too, me too. I'm ready for this one.

Except I forgot my fucking lighter. Julian lighter, let's go. What, Ricky? What? No, you can't. Smoke dope. We have a guest. We have a guest on today and he doesn't smoke dope. I know we have a guest. I know who the guest is and I'm pretty excited about it.

I actually prepared some shit. Well, he doesn't smoke dope, so do you think it's nice to be blowing dope smoke now? I didn't read about that anywhere. Well, Pops, usually when someone comes into your home, you can do whatever you want. You don't change for people. I know, but Jesus, a little consideration. The man doesn't smoke dope, he's gonna be blowing

dope smoke in his face. Well, we're just gonna blow it that way. All right, I can hold off for 24 minutes, maybe. Where's my lighter? Okay, and no popcorn. Wow. Look. People have been still complaining about the sound. So look what I brought, boys.

The softest, nicest cheese you can get. Right there. The quietest of all snacks. That shit is disgusting. We're going to have a nice piece of cheese. What's that cheese with that fucked up stuff covering it? I don't like that shit. Ricky, it's just...

The stuff in the middle, what is it? What the fuck is that shit? It's just rind. They call it rind. What is a rind? I don't know, but you can eat it. Here, Ricky, snack on that. There we go, look at that. Just cut it like a pizza.

Oh, yeah, try that on. Besides, nice piece of cheese. There you go. Beautiful. All right. How do people eat that, man? That looks disgusting. Have you ever had it? I've had it a few times. Bree's one of the nicest of all the cheeses. I believe. The middle of it's good. Tastes like butter.

That smells like ass though, doesn't it? No, it smells like feet. The rind's got some fucked up shit on it though, man. Get that the fuck away from me, bud. Just try it. I swear to fuck. Try it. I don't want to try it, man.

Come on, bud. Get the fucking thing out of my face. Look, Julian's not so tough when he's faced with cheese. Get the fuck stuff fucking around. Do you want that all over your fucking laptop? It's going to fall. It's going to fall. That falls on my laptop. Do you ever want to beat the fuck out of Julian, dress up as a piece of cheese?

Beat the fuck out of him. All right, let's get this going. Are we going to bring a special guest that you have a crush on, obviously, in here now? I don't have a crush on him, but... Sounds like you do. Very exciting. All right, well, get it going then. All right.

Our guest today, all the way from Los Angeles, California, very excited. Bring him out. Mike Rowe is here, everybody. There he is. Hey, what's going on? Hey, don't get up. I wasn't going to.

That's right. Thanks for having me. This is pretty great. This is pretty awesome. This is awesome. Mike Rowe is here. Do you eat cheese? Would you like a piece of brie? No. Wow. It smells like skunk took a shit, and then ate it, and then took a shit again.

That's right. It smells like ass. No, no. I'm driving ass. All right. Whoo! It is a weird cheese. All right. All the way from Los Angeles. It's good to be here. I was driving by.

I figured, you know, I have a microphone already. I might as well just come right in and sit down with the guys. Well, you can't. I always keep one clipped just in case. So, is it true you really don't do drugs? I don't, I don't do drugs. I haven't done drugs. I mean, first of all, I mean, does it look like I have any self-control? I mean, my concern is what if I like it? Then I'm fucked. You probably would like it.

It might mellow you out a little bit, actually. Chill you right out? Well, what happened, too, in grammar school, they would show us these movies that would scare us, these weird, fucked-up movies. Oh, yeah. Like Grave for Madness?

Well, it's hosted by Sonny Bono. What happens if you do too many drugs? It'd be like one kid has a hit of marijuana for the rest of his life. He's just fucked he's like It's the music is what's flipping about It's you know, they use that and You've got like some shit in that cheese like edibles, no, he didn't need that and porno movies, I think. What the fuck was that? Did you cut, like, some shit in that cheese? Like, edible shit?

No, he didn't eat any of it. Oh, he didn't? Okay. No. Yeah, those movies did scare the fuck out of me. I mean, it didn't scare me enough to not try it, but they were weird. It probably freaked you out so much, it's like, this is so fucked, I gotta do drugs to get over it. Oh, exactly.

In Sunnyvale, people were watching that video. Everyone's laughing, going, Holy fuck, now that's taking booze up to another level. So everybody tried that. And there's always that thing where the kid, like, there's like an oven or like a stove, and he just, like, he's so high, he just puts his hand on the fire. Yeah, he's done that a few times.

I've done that. Yeah, especially with a blowtorch. You forget to talk. Oh, yeah, fuck, especially with a blowtorch. You forget to talk. Oh, yeah, fuck, it's a blowtorch. Oh, yeah, I burn myself. So we should tell people, you know, for people that don't know who you are, we should tell them what, you know, who you are and what you do.

I think everybody knows who he is. So, like, what's the dirtiest job you think you've ever done? Oh, I'm not that micro. I'm not the dirty jobs guy. Oh, okay. I was going to say, because you do look a little different. Yeah, I'm, uh...

Oh, my God. So you're not the guy on Dirty Jobs, somebody's got to do it, or the host of a podcast, the way I heard it? No. Different guy. Ricky, that's a different guy. Okay, well, I wasn't Ricky, that's a different fucking...

Okay, well, I wasn't sure. There's a bunch of them. Are you the author of the dark fantasy fiction series? Ricky. Is that Mike Rowe? No. Oh, my fuck. So you are the international...

You don't even know who it is. ...international journalist who lived in Beirut, Havana, Geneva... Does he look like he lived in fucking Beirut? ...and Paris? It's not. No. Uh, should I... Well, shit, I feel like a bit of an idiot.

I had all this stuff prepared, but I guess that's not gonna be relevant. Ricky's a fucking comedian and a writer and all kinds of shit. He's worked on fucking Family Guy. Fuck off. He wrote episodes for Family Guy, Futurama. Holy shit. Fuck off. He wrote episodes for Family Guy, Futurama. Holy shit. Yeah, I was on Futurama for about seven seasons.

So you're like way cooler than these other Mike Rowe dicks. I wish, or at least I wish I was as rich as Dirty Jobs Mike Rowe. Is he rich? You make a lot of money putting your hand up a donkey's ass or whatever. I hope you do. Yeah, hopefully, yeah. Yeah, I did stand-up comedy for, hey, I'm getting a Canadian accent already. Did you hear that?

I did stand-up comedy in New York for 10 years in the 80s. Wow. Back in the day. So you know all the New York funny people. Yeah. When I was a kid, when I started, I was 19, I actually got to work with Andy Kaufman. Holy shit.

I refereed some wrestling matches. Holy fuck. I played- Are you kidding me? I played drums for his Elvis thing. That was, I mean, that was great. I mean, I was just kind of off the bus from Connecticut. What was he like to hang out with? Was he as bizarre as they make him out to be?

He did play, he did stay in character the whole time he would just hang out at the club. Like when he hurt his neck, he didn't really hurt his neck, but he would show up with the neck brace. Wow. But there was a great moment where for me, he actually confided

in me and broke character for one second and I thought that was really cool. Wow. What did he do? He went on Letterman, and he said that he was fired from Taxi and that he needs a job and he has no money. He was unshaven and, like, sniveling, and he asked people on hits for money,

and he started throwing money down to the stage. And then security had to take him off, you know, and stuff like that. And then I saw him the next night, and he's like, they really believed it. They thought I was in trouble. So I felt that was like a nice moment. Yeah, that's cool. Nice. I just saw the documentary about Jim Carrey when he was playing Andy Kaufman, and he wouldn't, it fucked him up.

He wouldn't come out of character. He was either Andy or Tony Clifton. And he went almost crazy, I think. Though I kind of question it, because if you watch the documentary, you'll see this guy Bob Zamuda with him a lot of the time. And Bob Zamuda was Andy Kaufman's guy. Yeah, he was the other Tony Clifton.

Yeah. Right? And he was the one who set up a lot of those stunts with Andy because Bob Zmuda wrote for this guy named, his name is Wexler, I forget his first name, but he wrote the movie Joe, he wrote Saturday Night Fever, and this guy was nuts. Wow, wow.

And Bob Zmuda was his assistant. And part of the job was when this guy would write movies and he would need to write a scene like in an art gallery or something, he would, instead of figuring out how to write it, he would go to an art gallery and Bob Zmuda would go with him with a tape recorder and then he would instigate trouble. Like he would get the artist and go, what the fuck is this shit? This art sucks. And create an argument and create this chaos. Bob Zmuda would record it for him and then go back and transcribe it.

And then that would be the beginning of the writing of the scene. So that's what Zmuda kind of brought to Andy Kaufman. It's great. You just start these fights and shit and just create this havoc. So Andy Kaufman, he wasn't nuts? He was. Because I've always thought maybe he was a little off his rocker. He had a childlike innocence to him.

But you know when he went on TV down in Memphis and he was shooting off people, like, it's amazing he didn't get killed. I know. I know. So he was just doing that to rile people up. Just to get a reaction. Yeah. Decent. That's pretty cool. I never met anybody that to rile people up. Just to get a reaction. Yeah. Decent. That's pretty cool.

I never met anybody that knew Andy Kaufman before. I used to write jokes for Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, he was awesome. Decent. When I was a kid, I kinda knew I wanted to be a writer when I started stand-up, and I used to watch Rodney on The Tonight Show, and I figured, maybe I can write those jokes.

This is how long ago it was. I had my mom's manual typewriter, and I just wrote a couple pages of jokes, and I found out, like, when he went on The Tonight Show, he talked about, you know, I have this club in New York called Dangerfields, and then he talked about how he used to go by the name of Jack Roy.

So then I sent the pages to Dangerfields in New York. I sent them to Jack Roy and not thinking anything. And I'm 16 years old. I'm still living in Connecticut. And then one day the phone rings and my mom is like, Mike, there's a Rodney on the phone for you. I'm like, what the? Holy fuck. I'm like, hello?

Rodney Dangerfield, call Jack. They're like, yeah. And he goes, hey, my ass, Rodney, how you doing? You okay? You all right? How are you? And I go, what the? And he goes, yeah, I got your jokes. They're okay. They're like, yeah. And he goes, hey, my ass, Rodney, how you doing? You okay? You all right? How you doing? And I go, what the? And he goes, yeah, I got your jokes.

They're okay. They're all right. And he talked to me for like 20 minutes and was encouraging. That's really cool. And then cut to like a year later, I moved to New York. One year. How old? I'm 19 or 18.

Decent. I'm in Dangerfield's dressing room, and he's wearing a robe. It's me and this other guy, and we're pitching jokes to him, and he's pacing. And he turns around, and he starts peeing in the sink. Don't give me a toilet in here. I've got to pee in the sink. I'm like, oh, I guess I'm in show business. He's done that before.

Perky pisses in the sink all the time. That sink. He's pissed in that sink. Not recently. Rodney Dangerfield. Wow, man. I always wanted to meet him. Yeah, he was kind of fun, interesting. He always walked around in his robe with nothing on underneath.

Walked around his club. I've heard that. I've heard that. And he used to just let her fling the breeze. Well, he's done that, you know, over the years. He's had the robe with nothing on. Yeah. Yeah, yes.

I, uh... So you did the stand-up scene for robo with nothing on. Yeah. Yeah, yes. So you did the stand-up scene for a while in Newark? Yeah. Probably 80 to 90. Holy fuck. This is nice. It's raining horsecocks. It was supposed to be snowing

this time of the year. We got fucking rain, which is probably better. You're fucking right it's better. It's a lot better, unless it's right before Christmas. Is it going to

fuck up the trailers and shit, or is it like... There's a few trailers that will be leaking, but this one's going to be... My shed's leaking like a whore right now. Oh, yeah. I got to get the rope patched. I was raised in a trailer park, too. I mean, this was kind of nice, you know. Where at?

What trailer park? In Connecticut. I forget the name of it. But I always loved, like, the idea of a trailer, living in a trailer. Oh, yeah, man. Like if your house catches on fire, you can drive it to the fire station. Exactly. Sounds like something Ricky would say.

Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm going to go on a date tonight. Can I borrow the house? Yeah. So you're not the dirty jobs guy. At least we figured that out. Well, not yet. Have you ever done a dirty job, though? Well, I think today could be an example of that. Could be.

Well, you're not getting paid, so it's not, you know, technically a job. Good point, Julian. I had a lot of shitty jobs as a teenager. Used to clean toilets and shit like that. That's a shitty job. And I didn't get the money that the other micro got for that, but whatever. You know. So I downloaded, look at this, I downloaded your thing.

Need some help reading that, Bubs? No, I can read it just fine. All kinds of roasts, Comedy Central roasts. Yes. That you were a part of. Those are so much fun. I mean, you can write for celebrities to call other celebrities assholes. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Decent. Comedy Central roast of Justin Bieber.

Yes. You wrote some Bieber jokes. Yes. Do you remember? What do, do I remember any of those? I do remember I worked on the Trump roasts. Donald Trump. Donald Trump roasts.

It was kind of odd. I remember... When was that? Was he the president already? No, no. He was just Donald Trump then. I did write a joke for Snoop. He said, Trump is thinking of running for president.

Why not? It's not the first time he threw a black family out of their home. Oh yeah, yeah, I heard that one. I remember that. I saw that joke. You wrote that joke? I wrote that joke. Snoop Dogg fucking throwing it down. I do remember in that roast, the way it opened was there was a golf cart,

a Cadillac golf cart that would bring Trump to the stage through the audience. And it had two women in bikinis throwing real money. They had like $300 in cash and they're throwing it in the audience. And that would be his entrance.

Making a raise. Did that happen or you just wrote it that way? That's what happened. I didn't write that part. Oh my God. And I do remember like when we did a rehearsal of it, he asked to have one of the girls, cute girls fired

cause she wasn't cute enough. Wow. Greasy. That is greasy. Is that inside scoop? Am I gonna get in trouble for that? Well, you tell me. We're from Canada, so I don't think anybody... You're from America, so...

You might have Donald Trump tweeting at you. Thousands of stories, I'm sure. Donald Trump might tweet something at you and say, fuck you. I guess a story like that at this point is kinda quaint. Did you meet him? Like, do you know him? I don't know him. He wouldn't remember me. But he would give us notes like we got all the stuff from their people that would say, you know, he lives in a, you know, 30,000 square foot apartment and whatever. And then we write a joke about his 30,000 square foot apartment.

And then Trump's notes would be like, make it 80,000 square feet. That's how he would adjust it. Oh, my God. Fake news. Fake news. That's right. That is fake news. He was making fake news. So you're from America. What's it like, you know, down there with him as the president? Are people digging him, or is it all fake news,

or what's going on there? There's a lot of weeping. Yeah. A lot of people staying in their homes. A lot of despair. It's not great. There's a lot of denial, I guess. Yeah.

We're trying to get through it. I think now would be a time if I ever were to start smoking pot. Hey, we've got lots here, man. There's lots here. Yeah, we can hook you up. Do you think there will ever be another Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump? Or probably not now, I suppose. No.

He probably wouldn't allow it anymore. I really feel like part of the reason he wanted to be president was in the dinner where Obama did those jokes with the press dinner. Obama did those jokes to Trump. Oh, yeah, he hammered him. Yeah, it was good. I think that's part of the reason why Trump wanted to be president. He's like... Just to unravel all of his things that he did.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Obama fucking hammered him. Right on. Teasing him. What about this one? Comedy Central Roast of Rob Law. I saw that one. That was hilarious. People were just fucking giving it to him. Yeah, the weird thing was Ann Coulter was on that one.

Yeah. Oh, and the, yes, and the fella from Saturday Night Live, the funny fella. And he was just... he basically called her... he wasn't even joking. David Spade? Was it David Spade? I don't know. No, um, what's his name? He's kind of a... he kind of looks like...

Oh, fuck, I'm baked. I can't remember his name. Um... He kind of looks like Steve Buscemi, but it's not him. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know who you're talking about. You know who I mean? Yeah, yeah. What's his name?

Pete. Pete something. Oh, Pete, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pete Davidson? Pete Davidson. Yeah, him. He just fucking gave it to her. He wasn't even joking. He basically just said, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. Did you say that too?

What? Who did you say that to? Ann Coulter. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it was interesting to me that the, like when you shoot those things and then go into post-production and it doesn't go well,

a lot of times the producer will know to cut to the audience to do shots of people laughing anyway. But it was weird to me that when she was on, you cut to the audience and if you ever saw it, everybody's just blank, like they're watching a car crash. It was crazy. So, I mean, all those comedy roasts,

I mean, the jokes get pretty serious. Like, does anybody actually get really offended or is everybody usually laughing? Because, I mean, they said some things on that one that I couldn't even fucking believe. or is everybody usually laughing? Because, I mean, they said some things on that one that I couldn't even fucking believe. They know ahead of time what's happening. Do they get to know all the jokes?

No, no, everything has to be a surprise to everybody. Oh, my God. Go fuck away. I can't believe how some of the jokes are vicious. They're really cautious to make sure, because part of what makes it work is the surprise of the jokes are vicious. They're really cautious to make sure, because part of what makes it work is the surprise of the jokes. So here's another inside story that people should know.

Like when Roseanne, we did the Roseanne one. When they were doing rehearsal, no one's supposed to be around to listen to the jokes. But Roseanne's boyfriend was on the phone with Roseanne telling her the jokes the whole time. And we had to shut him down like three times. Greasy. What are you doing, man?

You can't. That's greasy. That's greasy. That is greasy. Put that on your TMZ. Roseanne. I didn't see that one. Now, I do remember a joke I wrote about Justin Bieber that they didn't want to do because

it was too harsh. But he had this pet monkey. I don't know if you know this. He had a real pet monkey. Who did? Justin Bieber. He had a monkey? Oh yeah, I know he had a monkey, yeah. And he just abandoned it at one point. He just got rid of it.

Yeah, he couldn't take it home. He couldn't bring it back to the country or something, so he left it somewhere. And I said he abandoned it because it got too big and mean to suck his dick. That's pretty harsh. I banned it because it got too big and mean to suck his dick. It's a little... That's pretty hard. Geez, they wouldn't use that one. I can't imagine why they wouldn't put that on TV. They should have. That's awesome.

There was another joke I wrote about Sarah Palin. I don't know if you know Jeff Ross. I met Jeff Ross. He's the bald fella, comedian. Yeah, he said, it was about him, he said, somebody said, oh, the joke was, fuck, what was it? Oh, Sarah Palin doesn't like Jeff Ross because it reminds her of what Trig's going to look like when he grows up. And I convinced, I forget to do the comic, I convinced him to do it.

He's like, I don't know if I want to do it. It's kind of rough. I go, don't worry, we'll pull it in post if it goes bad. And then he did the joke and it went bad

and they kept it in the show. And then all of a sudden Sarah Palin is demanding an apology. It cost a whole uproar. And you wrote that one? Yeah, it was, Wayne Brady, Wayne Brady did it. So you caused whole uproar. And you wrote that one? Yeah, it was Wayne Brady.

Wayne Brady did it. So you caused an uproar, basically. That's the beauty of the roast. You get to hide behind the, you know. Decent. Decent. What other ones did you do? William Shatner. Yeah, Shatner was my first one. I don't remember.

Did you get to meet him? Yeah. Captain Kirk, boys. You met Captain Kirk. Yeah, that'd be was my first one. I don't remember. Did you get to meet him? Yeah. Captain Kirk, boys. You met Captain Kirk. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool to meet him. My one joke I remember from that, because Farrah Fawcett was on the show, and I had a joke. I used to have a poster of Farrah Fawcett on my wall

when I was little. So did I. Did you? Well, yeah, you stole my poster. Well, yeah, it was the red bathing suit with the... Yes. Those things. And Cheryl Teague's.

I had a Cheryl Teague's poster. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, that was a nice one. Probably had some wear and tear on that. I bet. You know, I've looked at it before. Looked at it, stared at it.

I said Farrah Fawcett's here tonight for a special reason. She lives under the stage. How'd that go over? That was over well. Jesus, Murphy. Farrah Fawcett. Did she pass away? Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Long time ago, man. Shouldn't be laughing then, I guess. That is a funny joke, Jesus. Long time ago, man. Shouldn't be laughing now, I guess. That is funny joke, though. Where did you start out writing after Rodney Dangerfield? There was a bunch of shows in New York, cable shows, that had stand-ups mostly, and they would do wraparound stuff. So there was a show called Caroline's Comedy Hour.

Yes! Yeah, I remember that. Carol Leifer was the host. She did the first season and it kept kind of changing. Uh, Rich Jenny, uh, I don't know if people know Rich Jenny, uh, Colin Quinn. Yeah, Colin Quinn, he was on Saturday Night Live. He was the news guy for a season or two. Uh, and then I worked on a show called Remote Control. I don't know if people remember Remote Control.

I remember Remote Control. So I started with Sandler and Dennis Leary. Adam Sandler. What's he like? He's great. I haven't seen him in a long time, but I did a documentary a couple years ago about the improv, the 50th anniversary.

Sandler narrated it and we got to hang out and he reminded me of a bit of mine that I forgot about and it was this how long ago it was but it was Chewbacca on password so it's like he's given the clue it's like I think it doesn't go on. Get it? Just gotta get it. Pass? Get it? Yeah, he and Chewbacca can't talk.

He can't talk. I got it, Bubs. Worst game ever to put him on. Get it? I get it. I do get it. Did you ever meet Chewbacca? No, I don't know.

Chewbacca isn't a living thing. He's a character, man. I mean, yeah, I know. The guy that's inside the suit, that's what you're talking about? Well, maybe it's a suit, maybe it's not. It's never been proven. Oh, come on, Pops. It's never been proven. It's been proven. Never been proven.

Don't get into this shit. There's no actual documented fact that there's somebody in a suit. It could be a trained Sam Squamish. Go on that site, IMDB. I don't believe any of that. Punch it in. It's a guy. Fake news.

Fake news. Fake news. Chewbacca roast would be great if they roasted Chewbacca. What would you, what would, give me a joke you'd write for the Chewbacca ropes. How about, here's the thought, get a razor. I don't know. You know, actually you know we've got a lot of- Get it because he covered in hair. We could give him some material because we, you know, jokes that we do to Randy, basically the same thing. Oh. Yeah? Hairy, big. What jokes do you have for that? Men and women. What? What jokes do you have for that? Like bad, men and women. What?

What jokes do you have for... Oh fuck, I don't know man. That's because you're not a comedy writer. Let's go. Chewbacca eats cheeseburgers probably, right? I don't think Chewbacca would enjoy a cheeseburger. Look at all the fucking stuff you've done. I can't believe it. I know, I feel like an idiot.

All these people you've met and shit they've done. Okay, so you worked on Family Guy. Yes. Let's hear about that for fuck's sakes. Family Guy was fun. There was so many writers, it's kind of crazy. Part of the job was, there'd be days where Seth would just pick three writers,

kind of break up the room into groups of three. And then for the whole day, you'd go, like, he'd go through the script and go, okay, they're in a church. So write a joke about, you know, hey, I'm in a church. I haven't been this religious since. And then the three of you. Oh, for the flashbacks. Yeah, for the cutaway. So if you spend the whole day, you have to come up with three.

Like, I haven't been this religious since, you know, Mr. T fucked Mr. Coffee. Did you write any flashbacks? Mr. T fucked Mr. Coffee. I don't know. Did I write any? Yeah, yeah. I can't see if I can remember any. It was so long ago.

There was the Rodney King kids party where there was the Rodney King kids party where there was the Rodney King pinata. Yes, I remember that one. I remember that one. I'm trying to think what else. So like what? So we would spend the whole day, like we had to just come up with three

until we're there. So we start at 10 and until six o'clock we had to write three jokes. And at the end of the day, you go to the room and you pitch them to Seth out loud, and then he would pick the one that he likes, and that's the one that goes to the show. Pitching jokes to Seth MacFarlane.

Cool. Really cool. Yeah. So what would, like, name an episode, what would be your favorite episode that you wrote? The one where they started a rat pack, where Stewie... Yes, I remember that one. And Frank Jr. was in the rat pack.

Stewie was singing. Yeah, and they started fighting and getting drunk and beating the shit out of people in town. And was that actually Frank Sinatra Jr.? Yes. It was? And he came in and did the DVD commentary. Decent.

Yeah, that was cool. Decent. Yeah, that was cool. Decent. Fucking family guy. I wish I had one of these stories. You've got lots of stories too, Ricky. All kinds of stuff on here. The Futurama, obviously that was one of the longest ones, wasn't it, that you worked on? Yeah, yeah.

It's because I keep getting fired. Anyway. Yeah, I's cuz I keep getting fired anyway but Yeah, I know the feeling No, you don't you've never done fucking job before I had a few jobs never had a job and I got fired What did you ever have a job start my own company? Oh, you worked at the shopping mall there look at the moment car fired from that What are the jobs did you pump gas for a bit when I was 15.

Got fired from that. No, you didn't. You were stealing gas. No, you were stealing gas, Ricky. You weren't employed. I was a waiter. Waiter where? You weren't a waiter.

You were hanging out at the restaurant fucking stealing plates pretending you were a waiter. I worked for a painting company for a bit. No. Again, stealing paint. Again, stealing paint. From construction sites. And I had a landscaping business. No. No, you sold, what, that was a, no.

You stole like an acre of fucking sod. That doesn't mean you're a landscaper. I guess technically there's income, but not legally. Maybe that's how he's. No, it's not a. How's our jobs, Ricky? Jesus, Murphy. Futurama, what was that like?

That was one of my favorite jobs. And it was a lot of fun. And it was kind of cool because I didn't go to college. And I somehow ended up in a room with Harvard nerds. So that was cool. And shows I work on, a lot of the times, like room discussion would be talking about episodes of shows and crazy shit and sports. But this, they would stop the room and have discussions of like the perpetual motion machine or something like that. Yeah, be a little fucked.

So that was cool, and I got to win an Emmy there and got a bunch of nominations from that. You won an Emmy? Yes. That's fucking cool. Holy shit. nominations from that. You won an Emmy? Yes. That's fucking cool. Oh, shit. An Emmy Award. I mean, that was fun. Did you go to the Emmy Awards?

Yeah, yeah. And I went up on stage and it was cool and great. No way. I'd like to go to one of those award shows. Have you ever been to, like, the Oscars? I haven't been to the Oscars. Or the Grammys? No.

The Emmys, though? The Emmys. Yeah. Or the Grammy's? Uh, no. The Emmy's though? The Emmy's, yeah. You won one. You won a fucking Emmy. I've never won an Emmy. And you never will. I've just been drunk and high most of my life and you've done so much. So when you went to the Emmy's, was there like a big after party? Yes. Where you're hobnobbing with the stars? Yes, I got to meet Bob Newhart.

That was one of my idols. He's sick. Bob Newhart. Bob Newhart. I had like kind of these four or five like idols that I wanted to meet. And my favorite was meeting Albert Brooks. Yeah, Albert Brooks.

But this was during the strike. We had in America the Writers Guild strike that went on for like 100 days. But Albert Brooks was during the strike. We had in America the Writers Guild strike that went on for like 100 days. But Albert Brooks was in the strike line with us. And he was like right in front of me. And I was like excited to be that close to him and maybe figure out if I could have a conversation with him. I was actually kind of nervous about it because he's one of my heroes. But part of the thing that was going on during the strike is that the talent agencies would show up every day

with food trucks, that one day there'd be a barbecue truck and then a pizza truck, and they were feeding the writers. And so at one point there was an agency, some small agency, and a guy had a plastic bag from like the supermarket, and he was handing out little boxes of raisins, you know, with the sticker. Yeah, sun The sticker made with the sticker from the agency and that was like his contribution so it there was a moment where we're circling around and the guys handing out these little boxes and it gives it to other Brooks and

He looks at the box and then he turns around to me and this was great because he just goes into this rant of like So what do I do? I call my agent I go. HelloAA it's Albert how are you how you doing look this guy gave me raisins you never gave me raisins so I'm leaving you I'm going to another agency I just this crazy rant so that was kind of cool was he joking he was joking I was just went into this joking ran he didn't know me just I just have me behind him and he just goes into this. Nice. Who do you think is the most famous person you ever met?

Besides you guys. You know, that's a good question. Who? I don't know. Andy Kaufman, Adam Sandler, Rodney Dangerfield,

Bob Newherd. Robin Williams. Robin Williams. Robin Williams. Decent. Yeah. I got nothing. What about De Niro? Never met De Niro.

See, he's really cool. Yeah. That would have been real cool. Julian's got a major crush on De Niro. I don't have a crush on De Niro. You do. I just like all of his movies. Oh, you do.

Respect. No, you pretend you're him a lot. No, I don't. Did you ever meet anybody from, like, Saturday Night Live? Yeah, I used to work on Saturday Night Live. I just worked freelance on the weekend update when Dennis Miller was doing it. Nice. He was, I think, he was one of the best news guys ever on there.

Yeah, it's never really been the same since. And Norm MacDonald. Norm was great. Norm was the best news guy, I think. He used to fucking just give it to OJ. Didn't give a fuck. Norm was hilarious. Didn't give a fuck.

Didn't he lose, he got fired over that, didn't he? Yeah, pretty much. I think so. He was giving it to OJ and they warned him to stop and then he came out and did the lucky stabbing glove joke. Yeah. He said that O.J. said in court when they took the glove, he goes, hey, hey, careful with that. That's my lucky stabbing glove.

Yeah, that got him fired, I believe. That got him fired. We met Norma Donald one time. Didn't we, boys? Yeah, he thought we were a boy band or something. He thought we were. No, he thought we were Soundgarden. Soundgarden.

Oh, that's much better than a boy band. We was at a festival, and he said, hey, Soundgarden. And I was like, no. No, I didn't Soundgarden. And then he was trying to check into the wrong hotel. He was trying to check in, and they were like, we don't have a reservation. Yeah, you do, he said. You have my reservation. Then they figured out he was supposed to be at a hotel down the road. So he said, well, can you just call them and check me in? They're like, no, we don't do that.

They don't fuck up. One of the fun things about just doing the freelance for the news, because I wasn't really on staff, but I got to go to the show every Saturday and be on the stage. Wow. And the Pogues, you know the Pogues? Yes. They were on. Dirty old town, dirty old town.

And they were so blasted and wasted that it looked like they couldn't do the live show. They do a dress rehearsal and they record it. So there was a point where they thought they had to just lift the rehearsal one and put it in the show. No, they could do it. So at one point, in the show, there was a fake commercial about a bar drinking songs. And then the lead singer for the Pogues is, I forget his name. Anyway, I saw him in the dark wander to the set of that bar and he's going into the fake bottles and he's looking and sampling to see

if they're real. There's a liquor in there. What a boy. He was a fucking heavy drinker. Big time. Heavy drinker. Yeah. But he functioned that way, which is, you know, got up and played every show. Dirty old town, dirty old town. Do you guys celebrate Christmas in Canada?

That sounds dumb. Yes. What the fuck do you mean? Like, of course we celebrate Christmas here. Christmas and we have a holiday right after Christmas, Boxing Day, which I don't think you guys have. No. And I don't know what the fuck the deal is with Boxing Day.

Bobbs, do you know? Boxing Day? It's where you put all the boxes away that the presents came in, I believe. I thought it was you go get drunk and get in a fight. Well, you just, it's not boxing, like fighting boxing, Ricky. You go and get drunk.

You box up everything, you know, all your ornaments. You put them back in boxes and put them in the garage. Oh, I thought my first guess was at midnight they throw a boxer from a building. Like a boxer dog? Like a person. I don't know. Oh, a boxer. I've never heard of it.

I can't believe all the stuff you've done. Paranormal Action Squad, two broke girls. Breckleberry, Brickleberry. Brickleberry was, Brickleberry's really cool and dirty. I think trailer park boys fans would like Brickleberry. What's that on? Where do people see that one? It's on Netflix.

Well, check that out. Yeah. I gotta watch that. And we just finished, the guys I did Brickleberry with, we just finished a new, I don't know if I can talk about it yet. I better not bring it up. Too late. Too late.

There's working on another show that's kind of like Brickleberry, so keep an eye on that. Martin Short Show. Martin Short was a blast because I loved SCTV. He's a fucking great Canadian. We met him one day. We did meet Martin Short. He said hi and I was freaked out because it was like talking to Ed Grimley. And you smacked his ass, which is awkward.

I didn't smack his ass. You smacked his ass. I didn't smack his ass. I was trying to do my bow tie and my hand slipped and went down. No, man. I didn't do it on purpose. He made a little sound effect. He made a little chirping sound.

Was there a lawsuit or is it? No, no. I just, I mean, he wasn't, he just turned around and said, did you smack my ass? I said, sorry, Mr. Short. I didn't mean to. What was fun about that show is he would bring the people he worked with on SCTV to do sketches as their characters. And then they would hang out with us at lunch, and then we're sitting with Edith Prickley or, you know. Decent. So that was cool.

Decent. That is decent. So, I mean, you worked on a lot of animated stuff. Do you think you could ever get somebody to make a cartoon of us? Imagine if we had a cartoon. Who the fuck would want to watch that? People might like a cartoon of us. No. That's stupid.

Think about it. I could make some calls. You know, why don't you? Just see, hey, I met these guys that would be funny in funny cartoons. Is it true that cartoons don't age? They don't age? Like, you know.

That depends on the guy drawing the fucking thing. They can go back in age, Ricky. You can do whatever you want. What do you mean you heard that? That's what I've heard. People say cartoons are cool because you don't age. Like Daffy Duck has been the same age the whole time. So maybe I do want to be a cartoon.

Ricky, do you know where cartoons come from? The people, I don't know. If you think about it, you know, Daffy Duck is probably the most underrated black actor of all cartoons, if you were to consider that? I don't know if he's a black actor. He's a duck. He's a duck.

With black fur. I mean, he could be. Maybe he is black. That would be decent. He's a black duck. That's a good way to look at it. Imagine if Daffy Duck was like a gangster. Like a gangster rapper.

Daffy D? You mean when he's not acting? When he's not acting, rapper. Daffy D? Daffy D? You mean when he's not acting? When he's not acting, yeah. Daffy D. Hard as fuck, like if he had a piece. Well, why don't you pitch that idea to Walt Disney? Maybe that's a cartoon I'll do instead. Daffy Duck's not from Walt Disney.

Or Looney Tunes. He's a Looney Tune. Can you do Daffy Duck's voice? I can't. You do, like I've heard you do, sound effects, haven't I? Yeah, I... You could really freak Ricky out if you did some weird stuff. What was that?

I could do... This is the sound of the rock group Chicago. All right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'd fucking love that. I've done that in my act so many times. I'm surprised I didn't have to pay those guys royalties. Did they ever hear you do it? Yes. I worked at MTV, and Peter Satira was a guest on the show. And he was backstage in the green room, and he's holding his little daughter, I think,

a little baby and stuff like that. And then one of the other writers goes, hey, Mike does an impression of the band. What are you doing, man? No, Mike does the thing. Do the impression. I'm like something this close to him, like doing the thing. And he's like looking at me like I'm gonna stab him next. Did you? I did it. Did you stab him though? No. I should have if you heard some of his

latest records. Anyway no I said it out of love. Out of love I said it. Get it? I get it Bob's I get it. I don't know that you do. I was kind of thinking about something else okay? He was thinking about DeNiro.? I don't think you get many jobs. He was thinking about DeNiro. You want to go? We should go get some liquor drinks, boys. No, actually, you know what I was thinking about, Michael Rowe? This guy's sucking up to you the entire fucking podcast. Who is?

Basically looking for a fucking job. Not letting us talk about shit that we had prepared. Yeah, that's true. Now, you had all that prepared. I had this prepared. Look at this. Look at this chick. Angelina Jolie. This is what she wants to be. Cosmetic surgery. That's something we could have talked about.

Jesus Murphy. Right? I've got a bunch of other things prepared. This guy, he got arrested for stealing 120 TV sets in four months from hotels, which would have been a great idea for us. That was an awesome idea. But no, look, you had to take over the fucking show. And where did he end up?

The L.A. writer trying to get a fucking job. I wasn't sucking up. Well, that's what I'm... You have a guest on you. You're supposed to talk to the guest. Well, maybe you should let us talk a little bit as well, okay? Oh, fuck. You had...

You got a fucking mouth. You could have piped up. Well, no, I was just letting you do your thing, okay? You could have piped up. And I apologized to everybody. Oh, look at you. It's pretty apparent you were sucking up. Should I go? No, it's okay, man. I mean and I apologize to everybody. Oh Should I go no, it's okay. I mean, I guess we're all gonna go

Don't fuck how how you can fucking embarrass me. I've been sitting here left doing nothing the entire podcast What do people look for your new show when it comes out? Well, it's on Netflix. Okay, I can't say the name of it yet Well, that doesn't really help idea Any idea when it's coming out? You know there's about 20,000 shows on there, right? I know. I know. Is it animated? Yes. It's a cartoon. And when's it coming out? October of 2018.

Okay, so we gotta wait a while for that baby. It takes forever. Cartoons take forever. Well, because they have to draw them. Frame by frame. He doesn't understand that, I guarantee you. He doesn't know what I mean. Well, I had a good time. But I really need to go smoke something. Yeah, so what? We should go have liquor drinks.

Somewhere. Let's go to a bar, boys. We never get to hang out with people like that. Well, you're just going to be yab, yab, yab the whole fuckin' time anyway. You're just gonna fuckin' hog the floor. Oh, so I'm in trouble because I ask too many questions. You know what? I may have known, what, 23 people you were talking about? I don't know fuckin' Hollywood stars or TV stars.

Well, I do. I can't even participate. I do. Donald Trump, that's about the only one you had to say. I haven't done anything in my life. Look at all the stuff he's done. Yeah. Thanks, bubs. Every time we have guests on, you fucking ignore them.

Well, maybe you should fucking... I was prepared for this today, okay? Sorry we weren't talking about Patrick. Have you ever met Patrick Swayze? Oh, nice. No. What about Arnold Schwarzenegger? You ever meet him? Oh, you're gonna go there, are you? No. What about Tony Danza? Uh, I worked with Tony Danza. Oh, look! Julian!

One of your idols. He met one of your idols. Sylvester Stallone? No, I haven't met Sylvester Stallone. Clint Eastwood? No. You guys just keep it up, alright? Oh, look, Julian. Oh, yeah! Is this my fault?

No, I don't think... We need to get this figured out for next fucking week, too. What? We can't just have these fucked up cheeses, because they're soft and don't make sound. Cheese is the new snack on the show, because it's quiet. The quietest of all the snacks.

Well, it's been a pleasure, man. Thanks for making me feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. Yes, thank you for coming on. Thank you. I didn't mean to answer all the questions. No, no, that was good. I guess it's not too late to change my life. So I guess you're sort of an inspiration.

Tune in next week when we probably have another guest and I'm not even gonna ask them anything. I'm gonna let fucking... Mr. Muscles fucking talk to them. See how he does. Fucking bullshit.