Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 124 - For Old Enzymes

Episode Date: January 1, 2018

Randy was on last week’s podcash but SMOKEY is here this week!  The Boys talk about their Christmas gifts, their New Year’s Resolutions, and Ricky talks about introducing himself to food.  PLUS: Find out where YOU can meet Smokey on New Year’s Eve!   Episode 124 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's old dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Okay, boys. Here we are. Let's get her going. All right. Fuck, bubs. First up, I'd like to apologize for the last podcast. I was fucked. Fucked.

You were pretty fucked up, Ricky. I'm feeling good this time because I'm getting rested up for New Year's Eve. Well, you're not. You don't have fucking six grams of mushrooms in you. That was a bad idea. Trying to deal with fucking Christmas lights and boys. I've got to apologize too. I was a little bit cranky last one.

You were a dick. Super dick. But I'm happy now. Let's just fucking get this going, boys. Some people would say cranky. Some people would say I'm ultra dick. I'd say I was being grinchy. I wasn't being grinchy. I was just being a bit of a dick. Okay, let's get this party started.

What are you going, hooking? What's happening here? I'm here. I thought this would be a great opportunity just to say hi to all the folks out there and tell them that I'm gonna be out behind the Legion on the 30th and the 31st, so... You're back to being smoky. At what time? I just, I like to party. Anyone likes to party? Julian's wondering what time.

Out behind the Legion. Randy, Randy, tell the people what time you're going to be there. Julian might come and visit you. He's wondering what time. I'm not going to come visit him. 10 o'clock at night. 10 o'clock at night.

Randy. Just so you know, we've got no money. I'm not talking to you, Ricky. I'm talking to the radius. So you're basically doing an ad for prostitution. 10 bucks, two Dairy Queen coupons, a man's got to eat? What are you going to eat? Dairy Queen.

Who said you could be here, first of all, and promote your prostitution? Yeah, I didn't know this was going to be a regular fucking thing. Well, I knew you were not, bro. Christmas just ended. You know this was going to be a regular fucking thing. Christmas just ended, you know, let's just all try to get along this year. Let's go into the new year getting along. So you're okay with this? Him on here saying, I'm going to be hawking behind the Legion on New

Year's Eve. Well, it's not, you know, I mean, he's got to do what he's got to do, I guess, you know. Why are you bumbling your words? I'm not bumbling my fucking words. Thanks, Julian. What's going on, I guess, you know? Why are you bumbling your words? I'm not bumbling my fucking words. Thanks, Julian. Hey, just to say, what's going on, fuckers? Just wait one second.

This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now. This is episode 124. And it's brought to you by Smokey's Prostitution. Yeah, gonna be down at the Legion on the 30th and 31st, everybody. And you're okay with this. 10 o'clock at night. Starting. Julian, did you get that? No, that's good.

Was that good, Julian? I hope you guys have a happy New Year's. Julian, I'm gonna ask you right fucking out. Right out here on the air. Are you taking a cut of what he makes? What do you mean by a cut? Oh my fuck. You're taking a cut of what he makes? What do you mean by a cut? Oh, my fuck.

You're taking a cut of anything he makes hooking. And that's why you let him on here advertising. So you're Randy's pimp. I'm not Randy's pimp. Randy's pimp. No, I'm just taking a, you know, a bit of a percentage. You're Randy's pimp. December 30th, down behind the Legion.

December 31st, 10 p.m. on. How do you pay Julian? In money or other things? Ricky, you just ruined it. I get money. Unbelievable. Well, this is great, guys. I'm going to have a good New Year's.

You know what else is great? This fucking shirt that Bubbles gave me for Christmas. Thank you, buddy. You're welcome. Look at that shirt, boys. I feel like Depper Dan. Look at that. I bought it for him. Motorcycles on buddy. You're welcome. Look at that sure feel like stepper Dan. Look inside I bought it for him motorcycles on it. I'm gonna buy a motorcycle now like an old old tight motorcycles all the time Like evil Knievel style, but it's like you will never own a motorcycle. You would totally kill yourself

Guess what? I'll say boys. This doesn't officially start. Oh, yeah Nice yeah, baby. Cheers. Guess what else I got, boys? I got my fucking electric blankets. We're going to see who's going to be shoveling this winter and who's not for a cheap electric driveway. I'm putting her in. What?

Four electric blankets. I'm going to plug them all in. No shoveling for this cat this year. What? You got four electric blankets. Gonna plug them all in. No shoveling for this cat this year. Ricky, you can electrocute yourself for freak's sakes. You're gonna lay electric blankets on the driveway. Fuck them right I am. Heated driveway.

But then you can't use the driveway. Why? Because you'll ruin the blankets. No, you roll them up once the snow's done, unplug them, and wait till the next one. It's not a completely fucked idea. It's not. You know what?

People are actually going to start doing it, I bet, because he said that. But it is fucked. It's not a completely fucked idea. It's an experiment. Make sure. I'll let you know how it works. You plug into one of those plugs with the safety that flicks on and off.

An XGI. Yeah, one of those. Plug into that because then if it gets electrocutable, the switch will go out and you won't burn stuff down. It's called a circuit breaker, Randy. People fucking already know about it. It's also called a power bear. Yeah, it's pretty basic, Randy.

You don't really got to tell people. But thank you for the safety tip, Randy. Yeah, thanks, Randy. I'm really glad you're here today. Thanks a lot, guys. Randy's safety tips. I care a lot for... What other safety tips do you have, Randy?

Well, sometimes when you turn on the stove, afterwards, the stove is still hot, so it's best just to leave the pot on there, because you're not gonna touch a pot, right? Like the handle, you always touch the handle so you won't burn yourself. Gee, that's brilliant, Randy. What a life hack.

What a life hack there. Leave the pot on the burner. So you don't press your hand on the burner. That's right. And, and, if you're going to clean the grill of your barbecue, don't use one of those brushes because the brushes with the little wires, wire brush,

sometimes they fall out and they get in your burger and you eat it and it can, I think it goes right through your whole system and tears a hole right through you. But you use tinfoil. Just a little tinfoil and shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

And then what if a big chunk of tin foil rips off, goes in your burger, you eat it, it gets wedged on your fucking filling, and next thing you know, you're in the emergency room. That's never happened. Well, I've never heard of a barbecue thing going in somebody and ripping them right through either. Did that happen to you?

No, it didn't happen to me. I just heard it on the radio or something. I had one go right through my tongue. Kind of sucked. So it does happen. When did that happen, Ricky? I don't remember that. A couple years back. You had a piece of a barbecue brush go through your tongue. Right through. Yeah, I could feel both ends.

Maybe I dreamt that. I can't remember now. Hmm. I don't remember that. I think you dreamt that, Ricky, because I think I would remember if you fucking skewered your tongue. What did you get for Christmas, Randy? Anything gas powered? No, I didn't get anything gas powered. No, but I did get a new spatula and a box of good Angus burgers, so I'm pretty happy with that.

What is an Angus burger? Angus, the farmer. He has good cows. Really good cows. Angus has cows. A lot of farmers named Angus. I don't think that's what that means, but... Bubs, I want to thank you for the 60-ouncer you bought me. Thank you, buddy. Oh, you're welcome. I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for the pint you gave me, which... No problem, bud. ...suspiciously looked like it was poured out of the 66er I gave you. I saw you filling up a pint. I wasn't filling up a pint. It was in a pop bottle, a Pepsi bottle. How did the liquor get in there? Oh, because I broke the bottle and then I had to put it in something else.

So you broke the bottle but the liquid magically stayed in its liquid form. It didn't... Yeah, it did. I had to use a strainer in case there was glass bits and shit. Smart thinking, Julian. That's really smart. And then I lost some liquor that way,

so I topped it up and did it. Well, thank you. It's the thought that counts, so thank you for the pint of liquor. You're welcome. Re-gift. Even though he gave you a 60-ouncer and a...

Well, the audience probably can't tell, but it's a new T-shirt and a... Well, the audience probably can't tell, but it's a new T-shirt. Yeah, thanks, bubs. Yeah, new black T-shirt. Your chest looks good in that, Julian. Fuck off, Randy. Thanks anyway, man.

Well, you're welcome. It was Christmas. It was a very nice Christmas. You're welcome. All right. What are you guys doing for New Year's? You got a party? I'm not doing what you're doing, I know that.

I'm gonna try not to get as fucked up as I've been for most of Christmas, but yes, I'm gonna party. That's why I'm sort of taking it easy for the next couple days, and then fucking New Year's Eve, holy fuck! Yeah, we're having this sort of like a tailgate party for New Year's. That almost made me want to flip this fucking table. No, Ricky, don't flip the table. I'm excited. I'm excited. You could flip a chair. I got a quart of rum, a quart of bourbon... A quart of vodka.

...and 17 different types of smokeables and edibles. And a quart of vodka. That's good. That means you won't be a dick like you were last year. Randy, so help me fuck. The edibles will bring you down, Ricky. You said, you know what, my resolution this year is to try to get along with you so that things are more peaceful.

Okay, we'll try. Stress will kill you. But this is not a good way to start that, dickface. Well, just remember to do the edibles because when you get on that hard liquor, you turn into an asshole. Yeah, well, I hope you show up. You do, man.

Yeah, fuck you guys. You got to pace yourself just a little bit. I'm not saying stick to a crazy base. Dick is as dick does, dickhead. Look, just leave him alone. He has his drinking figured out, and you have your drinking figured out. As long as no one's a dick to me, I'm not a dick to anybody else, sir. I don't know if I believe that, Ricky.

I mean, I've seen you start fights. Big time. Only if it was needed to be started. Hmm. Which means something dickish happened before that, probably. Okay, maybe. I've come down to tell you to stop doing things, and it's my job, and you just get in a fight with me.

Because it's stupid. Oh, wow, I shot a fucking gun off. But you can't do that, Ricky. It's the park, there's kids. Oh, my God, I'm lighting off fireworks at fucking 11 p.m. Ooh. Oh, my God, sorry I started a fucking fire in the street. But, Ricky, you can't.

You're shooting them fucking horizontally. You can't just shoot fireworks into people's yards. You can. It doesn't really do anything. Yeah, it could start a fire. Could is the key word. Didn't is a better word. So fuck off. I don't know.

Ricky, maybe for the new year, you should try to be not as dumb. A bit smarter. Try to up the smart thing a little bit. Even if you could make your New Year's resolution, I won't shoot fireworks horizontally. That would be a big step for me, because that scares me. I've got gas cans laying around, and you're fucking drunk blasting off fireworks. Shoot them up. That's where people want to see them. It's so fucking lame.

Yeah, but then I get a complaint about fireworks going off. All right, fine. That's one of my New Year's things. Okay, let's hear it. Let's hear you say, I, Ricky, will not fire fireworks off horizontally. I will not fire off fireworks horizontally that I buy. This is going to be a wait. Does he even know what that means?

See the caveat he put at the end, that I buy? All he's got to do now to get around that is steal a bunch. And then he didn't break his promise. You know what? I'm going to try to get no complaints for 2018. There we go. That's all I can do is try. That's a good goal, man.

Thanks, buddy. That would be big, but I believe it when I see it. You guys want to hear some New Year's Eve facts? Oh, do I? Not really. Well, you're going to, so fuck you. I want to hear some facts. I hope they're good, at least.

Well, this one I think you'll like, Ricky. When you're having your New Year's meal, lobster... Which one? Oh, your dinner. New Year's. If you're having food on New Year's. New Year's Eve dinner or New Year's Day? Oh, you mean like the big thing on New Year's Day. I get it.

Either one. For fuck's sakes, it applies. Lobster and chicken are considered bad luck. Do you know why? No. Because lobsters can move backwards and chickens can scratch in reverse. So it is thought these foods could bring a reversal of fortune. What in the fuck? Talk amongst yourselves.

What about a crab that moves sideways? What is that? So, fuck. Talk amongst yourselves. What about a crab that moves sideways? That's a good point. Crab legs are good. Randy, you never ate a fucking crab leg in your life unless it was deep fried and put on top of a burger. What does he mean a chicken can scratch in reverse? What the fuck does that mean? I think he can... Too late to moonwalk. That's what they're saying.

I think. Yeah, he'd be like the moonwalk. That's what they're saying. Yeah, he'd be like a moonwalker. So what's scratch though? You know. But how's that in reverse? Like behind? I don't fucking, I fucking hate chickens now. They back up and they're backing up. I'll never eat another chicken again.

I could use a bucket of chicken. Bucket of chicken would go down real good right now. Anyway, whoever came up with that, fuck them. If you ever get backed up, all you gotta do is eat a bucket of chicken. I would never say, oh, fuck it, better not eat a lobster that goes in fucking reverse. Bucket of chicken goes right out your ass. Might reverse my fortunes. Fuck off.

Oh, boy. Randy, what are you going on about fucking buckets of chicken? He's talking about buckets of chicken. Oh, you're talking about chicken scratching backwards. We should start eating cheetah for New Year's dinner, I guess, because you fucking go fast ahead. You can't, because it's an endangered species. Ricky, you can't eat a fucking cheetah for New Year's dinner.

You could if you lived in a different place where cheetahs lived. Well, I would have a problem with that. Why would you want to eat a cheetah? Because it goes fast in front, forward. So that's opposite of a fucking stupid lobster, a reverse-scratched chicken fuck. I don't know, if you could go backwards and then change time, be like that movie. Fuck. Be like that movie.

Fuck. Boys, in Italy, people wear red underwear on New Year's Day to bring good luck all year long. The tradition dates back to medieval times. Red underwear. We got to do that this year. What does medieval mean? I don't wear red, bubs. That's not going to happen.

June, you could wear red one day. I'm not wearing red. In their underwear. Nobody will see them. Yeah? June, you could wear red one day. I'm not wearing red. And they're underwear. Nobody will see them. Yeah? Well, except for Randy. So when the evil times, they started out as sorta evil, and then they got like medieval,

and then they got fucking crazy evil. Is that how it works? No, Ricky, medieval is like a time period. Back, you know, I forget when, really. It was a long time ago. Long time ago, when knights were roaming around, jabbing each other with the big pole. Robin Hood. So, Julian, are you going to start wearing red underwear on New Year's Day?

No, I'm not going to wear red. There's this one color I will not wear, this red. I like red underwear. Red underwear are nice. Are you going to wear any underwear? I'm going to have underwear on. I don't. You don't have underwear on? I,'t. You don't have underwear on?

I, no, I didn't have any clean ones. So I just, I'm doing laundry right now, but I'm commando right now. Oh, feels, feels good I bet. What was that little ooh that just came out of your fucking body? Commando is... You said I'm not wearing any underwear and he, oh. He did not. He did so. I didn't hear that. Well, it's when you're not wearing underwear.

That's what you do. I heard if you don't wear underwear a lot, that you get a really saggy bag. It's true, I think. Gravity. Boys, that's not true. You should have a bag bra or a bag hammock or something so you didn't have to.

Ball hammock. Yeah. Yeah. Ball should have a bag bra or a bag hammock or something so you didn't have to... Paul Hammock. Yeah. Yeah. Paul Hammock. Bag bra. Bag bra. It's got a ring to it.

Well, there you go, Ricky. Let's send you down to Shark Tank so you can pitch bag bra to Mark Cuban and Robert Herjavec. Lori Grenier. Barbara Corcoran. What did you get for fucking Christmas? Who, me? Yeah. None of your business. None of your business.

So you got the little gift that Julian and I gave you. Good. How was she? Ricky, that's not true. No? What? Bob's man. Ricky, that's not true. No? What? Bob's man. That you... Everything good?

Yeah, everything's fine. All right, buddy. You know? Like, that's... There's nothing happened. It's just that you haven't talked about it at all. Like, you know, we're like, oh, fuck. Didn't thank us. Didn't really say anything about it. Because nothing... I don't even know what you're talking about.

That's why. Okay. What am I, I don't know what we're even talking about. All right, that's cool. We'll figure this out. I spent Christmas Eve by myself. Okay. I watched Spider-Man in my shed.

I guess, would you like to spend it the same way next year is all we need to know. Or should we change it up? Same kind of Christmas next year? Hmm? What the fuck is this? Wasn't too bad. Here, Randy, take a bite of this. No.

The fuck is it? I think it's a granola bear, but I don't know. It's a bridge. But I don't know. It's a bridge. Black-eyed peas, ham, and cabbage are considered good luck if you eat them on New Year's Eve or day because it's believed they will bring you money. Which one is...

So guess who was going to have a big black-eyed pea, ham, and cabbage dinner? Don't like any of that shit, man. Which ones are they? The singer? No, Ricky, the singer is named after the actual pea. There is black-eyed peas. I thought Ham was the singer. Ham? No, they're talking about Ham. It's not a person. Not the black-eyed peas, the rap group, Ricky. And the cabbage was also a singer? Is that what you're saying?

Who is? No, there's no singer. No, I'm talking to him. Okay, I obviously got something fucked up here. was also a singer? Is that what you're saying? Who is? No. There's no singer. No, I'm talking to him. OK, I obviously got something fucked up here. So what was the thing again that I was supposed to be listening to? Holy fuck, Ricky. Black Eyed Peas, Ham, and Cabbage.

Did you think that was a rap group? I did. No, he thought it was the Black Eyed Peas. So what is a Black Eyed Peas? Ham was the lead singer, and Cabbage was someone else. Peas don't have fucking eyes, for one thing. So I'm confused. Actually, I'm confused, too.

Because you're dumb, Randy. The black-eyed peas, Ricky, are a rap group. Black-eyed peas are actual peas. They have fucking eyes? They don't have eyes. They're just called black-eyed peas. I think they have got a little dot on them or something, like an olive. That's fucked.

Potatoes have those too, right? So black-eyed peas are a real thing. How come I've never met one? Oh my fuck. Well, you couldn't, you can't meet food, Ricky. At the grocery store you can. Hmm. Have you ever, what have you met at the grocery store? All kinds of food.

You've met it? Yeah. Like, introduced yourself? Just, you see it, they see you, I guess. They don't see you. There's no way they can see you. Unless they're just like lobsters in a lobster tank, looking out. Ricky, have you ever introduced yourself to, like, a cabbage like a cabbage or a pile of grapes or anything?

I've said, hey, how you doing? You talk to... It's good to talk to plants, guys. They say it makes them grow better. You talk to them. I've said, hey, how you doing? People talk to plants. Or like, wow, look at you guys.

And you're talking to a bunch of radishes or something? Like you don't, like, that's not normal, man. No, it's not. Hey, look at you guys. Walking all red. I'm going to eat you. Holy fuck, check you guys out. Yeah, I see shit like that to different types of foods.

I talk to food too, all the time. Like, I call cheeseburgers babies. Hey baby, I'm gonna eat ya. Okay, that's fucking weird. Are you fucking kidding me? It's no weirder than you introducing yourself to grapes, Ricky. Oh, darling. Nom, nom, nom.

He's talking dirty to fucking cheeseburgers. That's a little bit weird, man. More... They're just... Okay, they're both fucked. Delicious. Well, this is coming from a man that also said, hey, don't you guys find the smell of bacon erotic?

I do. I know. You said that, but that's weird. I think that's what causes morning erections. The smell of bacon, Coach? Yeah. No, it's weird. I think that's what causes morning erections. The smell of bacon cooked? Yeah. No, it's not. I don't know.

I'm not really sure about that one. It's not bacon smell that gives you wood in the morning. You tell me every time that you've smelled bacon you don't have wood. Okay, I'll tell you right now. Bacon does not make me have wood. Usually it's a piss boner, isn't it, in the morning? Isn't that what they call it?

Yeah, there's a piss boner. Come on, bacon. Bacon boner. You guys are fucked. Both of you. So if you had to piss really bad and you had bacon cooking, you'd be off the charts. Yeah. Good to know.

Auld lang syne. Auld lang syne, you know what it means? No. Time goes by. Makes sense. Did you know that, Rainn? Do you even know what auld lang syne is? I always thought it had to do with your digestion.

Auld enzymes is what I thought it was. I didn't know. Old enzymes. Yeah. It's not old enzymes. That's what I thought it was too, Ricky. What is it? You thought the song was about your enzymes. Yeah.

You know, in the new year you get newer ones because you change your diet a bit. Like I'm going to stop eating doubles and I I'm gonna go to singles in the new year. Just to cut back a little. So that should, you should get new enzymes out of that. Yeah. Oh my God. I heard that if you eat a burger with lettuce instead of a bun that you lose weight.

Really? That's what it said on something I read. Yeah, good luck fucking wrestling the bun out of Randy's hand. Yeah, there's no way that's happening. The buns are so nice. You like your buns, don't you bud? Oh boy. The Times Square New Year's Eve ball was first dropped in 1907 after there was a fireworks

ban. See, there was a fireworks ban because fucking crazy people were blasting fireworks off in Times Square. Horizontal. The original ball weighed 700 pounds and it featured 125-watt bulbs. Much different to the ball we know today. That's amazing. That is a fantastic fact.

I wish they would drop it. That's what they should do. Drop the fucking thing and let it explode. I'd go down there to see that. Drop the fucking thing and let it explode. I'd go down there to see that. Drop it where? Into the crowd? Well, have an area kind of roped off, maybe. And just drop a big electrical ball from the top of it. Oh, fuck, imagine the destruction and the sound it would make.

Fucking amazing. It would be pretty cool. But why would people want to do that on New Year's Eve? Go and almost get killed by a 700-pound electric ball? Just to see it would be a spectacle. Hmm. It's like when they drop those giant pumpkins from the fucking crane. I love that.

That's one of my favorite days of the year. I love seeing shit get fucked up. You see it like it's normal, and then it's not at all. It's fucked up. It's cool. I agree. I like seeing shit getting fucked over, too. It's like car accidents.

I love seeing fucking a good car accident. Ricky. As long as no one gets fucking killed. Or shooting a television or something. The old ones are good. It's cool. The two is cool. Shooting the shit out of stuff.

You've got to shoot the shit out of stuff, man, soon. I... Look. Cutting trees down with shotguns. Well, okay, Ricky, maybe we'll have a... Maybe we'll put something together. Where we shoot some stuff. I've got some ideas for that. All right. Nice. Let's do that.

I'll call Reggie. What else you got? Well, let's see. Nothing too exciting, really. The tradition to kiss at midnight. That's not a recent invention. According to old English and German folklore, the first person you come across in the new year could set the tone for the next 12 months.

What does that mean? So you just kiss the first person you see after midnight? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. the first person you come across in the new year could set the tone for the next 12 months. What does that mean? So you just kiss the first person you see after midnight? Well, not, not, not these times. No, you just can't do,

you just can't go up and kiss somebody, Matt. So I'm going to have to kiss one of you guys. Is that what you're saying? No, you're not going to, that's going to set the tone for the new year, kissing us. Would it ever. I'll be down at the Legion, New Year's Eve, and if you want a party, I'll give you a kiss. Yeah, I bet you will.

Randy Jesus, Murphy. Where, like, okay, so you're down at the Legion and somebody rolls up, and, hey, I want a party. Where do you go? Well, a party can go on anywhere. There's lots of different places to check out. I'll give a little scenic tour around the Legion. It's nice. Show some different spots.

What's your favorite kind of backseat? Ones without garbage. Well that makes a nice image in my mind, Randy. Make sure you clean up your cars before you head down to see Randy. Well there's a dumpster behind the Legion. That's a beautiful image to conjure up. Randy in an old garbage filled backseat, earning his keep. What's the keep? Holy fuck, 48 pigs were used to film Babe.

Good movie. Yeah, you were in that movie, weren't you? No, I wasn't in that movie, but it was a good movie. Pigs are cute. Boys, do you know why we're the tradition of firecrackers and noisemakers on New Year's came from? No, but I'm going to guess Mexico. Okay. What's the theory there, Ricky?

I think they make a lot of that shit there, don't they? I don't mean where was it made. I mean, why do people do it? Oh, fuck, I don't know. Why do people use noisemakers? Same reason we fire guns off and shit. It's just to fucking say, all right. To ensure a year of good luck,

firecrackers and noisemakers became tradition in order to scare away any remaining evil spirits and to ensure a brand new start. See? So you're making noise to scare away the evil spirits. There you go, Randy. So there's nothing wrong with firing a fucking handgun off at midnight.

It's getting rid of evil shit. You'll be down doing your thing anyway, so. Yeah, Randy will be firing off his own guns down there. That's probably what gives you the good enzymes. Because you scare the old ones away. Start new. Well, that's pretty fucked up. Why? 76% of all recorded serial killers in the 20th century were from the United States. How many? 76%, it says. Of serial killers? Yeah.

Of the whole world? Of recorded, so there's probably a lot of people, but they just don't... Yeah, there's serial killers all over the place that don't get reported so yeah like cannibals cannibals are serial killers and they eat people and they don't get recorded so those guys are probably at least the other 24 percent what cannibal what cannibals are you talking about the cannibals over over there over where well they're they're like... They're just like... Aren't they a tribe of cannibals?

What the fuck are you talking about, Randy? They're serial killers, are they? Well, I would think so. They kill you and eat you. Oh, my God. This is fucked, too, and I think this is what happened to me. What? On average, 12 newborn babies are given to the wrong parents daily, worldwide.

What? 12. There's no fucking way. 12 a day are given to the wrong parents. I guarantee I was. Why do you think that? I just think I was just so much more above my parents' level that... That must have been from smarter parents. I don't know, Rick. I don't know about that, man.

I don't know. I mean, you know, everything seems to add up to me. You kinda, you look a lot like Tammy, and you've got the intelligence of your dad So I think it's right on the money button No, I'm serious, man He always said that I was a lot smarter than he was at that age Yeah, well That's really fucked up This is really weird

In the original The Little Mermaid, the prince ends up marrying somebody else and the mermaid kills herself. What? In the original The Little Mermaid, the prince ends up marrying somebody else and the mermaid kills herself. That can't be right.

You wouldn't really want to show that to kids, probably. I don't believe Ariel would do that. And the original Little Mermaid, when did the original Little Mermaid come out? What are they talking about here? Google it. Maybe it was the script. I can't fucking Google Little Mermaid shit, man. Just Google the Little Mermaid.

Mermaids aren't all what they're cracked up to be. Like, you ever see the ones in the Pirates of the Caribbean? They are scary. They drown you in. Well, those aren't real mermaids, Randy. Those are make-believe ones. What comes up when you hit the Little Mermaid, Julian? Okay, it was published in 18... Go to images. I'm not gonna go to... Why do I want images?

For no reason. Okay, the tale was published back in 1837. Oh, okay. Sorry, totally, that did happen. They used to tell kids stories back then where people were getting murdered. All the time. And then his head got chopped off, kids. Go eat your biscuits. Or the fire. And then his head got chopped off, kids. Go eat your biscuits.

Or the fire. Did they really? Back then they didn't give a fuck, Randy. There was no... There was no, you know, worry about that. Yeah, back then kids were meant to be seen and not heard, right? Whatever the fuck that means. Okay, I've had enough of him.

Brandy, you gotta go. Alright, I'll see anybody at the Legion who wants to party December 30th and 31st, 10 o'clock. Thanks, Julian. Bring lots of cash. You are actually his fucking pam. Tips are welcome. Happy New Year, guys. All right, have fun at the Legion, bud.

You're just like Snuggie Bear. What if he wants to give me some money? Like, I'm taking it. I know, but you're letting him use our thing to advertise his prostitution. Not many people watch this fucking thing, so what does it matter, huh? It might be illegal. Thousands of people watch this fucking thing, so what does it matter, huh? It might be illegal.

Thousands of people watch this thing. Okay, well maybe it's a good thing then for me, okay? Never really thought about it. You know how many people have fucking downloaded this fucking thing? How many? Millions. No way. Yeah, so now...

So what, people might fly in from all over the world to go to the fucking Legion to get shit going with Randy? No. That would be awesome. All right. You guys are unbelievable. Okay, boys. It's officially... It's officially 48 hours to New Year's.

All right. So are we gonna opt the liquor intake now? Let's opt the liquor. Let's do it. I'm we going to up the liquor intake now? Let's up the liquor. Let's do it. I'm pumped up for 2000 and what is it? 18, Ricky. Fuck, is it really? That's a lot of years gone.

Yeah. You don't know what fucking year it is for real. I thought it was that, but I didn't know for sure. I knew it was 17 or 18. Like most people say, what day is it today? Oh, it's two. He does it with years. It's because I don't write- Fuck, what year is it again? Oh, it's two... He does it with years. It's because I don't write...

Fuck, what year is it again? Oh, fuck. It's because I don't write checks. That's how people usually remember. Oh, my fuck, Ricky. Or reading the newspaper. Don't do that. Doing anything in society that involves the date. Yeah, not me.

Look at your phone. I know the major times. Like I know about Canada Day. That's good. There's drinking dope involved. Easter. More dope involved. I usually forget Valentine's, which is not good.

Because there's not really any dope involved. Maybe that's what it is. You're right. You're on a dope calendar. Easter, you hide your little hash eggs everywhere. So you know that's what it is, you're right. Dope. You're on a dope calendar. Easter, you hide your little hash eggs everywhere. So you know that's coming. Canada Day, that's just a free-for-all, a lecker and dope. St. Paddy's Day, same thing. You guys gonna make a New Year resolutions?

I have a New Year's resolution. What is it? Well, you're not allowed to say or it doesn't come true. I think that's the way that works. I think so. I thought that was a wish when you blow out your candles. Yeah, maybe it is. Maybe you are allowed to have New Year's resolution out loud.

What's yours, Julian? I just make more money trying to get my shit together, man. Oh, there's a big fight. Trying to get in shape. What a sacrifice. What a sacrifice. What a sacrifice you're making. Hey, at least I got something to work for. I'm going to try to not shoot fireworks horizontally that I buy.

Why don't you try to clean up this fucking garbage mess? I will. So we can party for years. I'll get her cleaned up. Don't worry. That's my job. I'm gonna try not to get too fucked up. Don't worry. That's my job. And I'm trying not... I'm going to try not to get too fucked up where I'm, like, passing out and shit. That's not going to happen. Ricky, that's going to happen on New Year's,

so that's not a good resolution. You're setting yourself up to fail after midnight on New Year's. All right. Well, I'm going to make sure that after I do get wasted on New Year's Eve, I'm not going to drink anymore before we do this again next week. I'll be 100% ready and focused.

Okay. Okay, Ricky, whatever you say. There's his New Year's resolution. He's after New Year's Eve. He's going to stop drinking, and he's going gonna be fresh for the next thing. See how that goes. Right on. Happy holidays.

I hope everybody's having a good time like me. And we'll see you in... Oh, and don't fucking drink and drive. Unless you're not going that far. No, Ricky, no. It doesn't matter how far you're going. No drinking and driving. And don't leave your animals outside on New Year's.

People get, you know, they put them out to pee and then they get drinking and they forget about them and they freeze to death. And don't pass out with your deep fryer going. That's good advice. Good advice too. Don't pass out with your deep fryer going. Just get shit-faced and have fun. That's what it's all about. Shit-faced and have fun, exactly. Don't think you can drive.

We'll see you in 2018. Yep, next time. Hey, Ricky, I'll see you next year. See you next year. Well, you're going to see me before that. Yeah, I'll just say. See you guys in a little bit. All right, have a good workout.