Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 127 - Million-Pound Cumulus Cloud

Episode Date: January 22, 2018

The Boys discuss what they would do if a ballistic missile was heading for Sunnyvale.  Julian has a new business plan involving Cory and Jacob, Ricky has some jokes, and Bubbles reviews the entries in his Kitty of the Week contest! Episode 127 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. In the black corner, weighing in at 240 pounds of pure sinewy muscle, Julian. Bucks. And in this corner, weighing in at, I don't know, of dope smoking muscle. Ricky. Chicken grease. Ricky. Okay, boys. What? What's happening?

Let's get this going. Let's get the show on the road. I'm very excited. It is Friday. Glad you're excited. January 19. Is it all ready? Yep.

Yeah, and it's, we're midway through fucking January. I don't have anything on the go right now. Starting to get a little worried, pissed off. What do you mean you don't have anything on the go? Well, I thought I'd have some kind of a business. Women already talk about work. Or men. All right, no, no, I'll get into, I've got a deal,

like, business proposal for you, Bob, so that I want to get into. But first, let's do this. What's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. Episode 127. It's Friday, January.

What? What is it, January? 19. 19. Okay, Bob, so like I was saying, you know, I need to borrow... Okay, hit me with your business deal there. I need to borrow 1,500 bucks, bud. From who?

From you. From who? From you. From what? From Ricky. I don't have $1,500 to loan you. But if you come up with $1,500, I'm guaranteeing you it'll be, I'll probably be able to double what you paid me. What is it? In two weeks.

I'm going to have. Actually, one week. So a 200% return? Actually, you know what? I'm going to bump it up to... You're going to get more than that. I'm going to... How about times 10?

15 grand. So I loan you 1,500 bucks, and in two weeks, you give me 15 grand. Two weeks, you will get 15 grand. All right, I'm in. I'll do it. You want to get in? Just Ricky.

All right, I need to get the money by today. I'm going to have about 1,900 bucks tomorrow. Okay. I'm selling some things. Okay, well, you give me the 19, you're going to get $19,000 in two weeks. Yes! We're going to be rich! Fucking right we're going to be rich.

Well, thanks for thinking of me, Julian. All right, I need the 1,500 bucks. That's the startup cash to buy two plane tickets, one way to Dubai. Okay? the $1,500. That's the startup cash to get to buy two plane tickets one way to Dubai. Okay? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I've got two employees that are already there, ready to go. I think they'll be able to do a great job once they're there. But once they are there, they're going to make up to $75,000 a week.

Who, Corey and Jacob? Corey and Jacob. How? Doing what? Hooking? Professional begging. That's the big thing in Dubai now. Are you out of your fucking mind? No, I'm telling you, man, these people are making 75 fucking grand a month. You want me to give you 1,500 bucks to send Corey and Jacob to Dubai to beg on the streets,

and we're going to make 75 grand a week? Yeah. How do you become a professional Dubai-er? You just look like you're totally fucked up. You know stuff that's going on in Dubai. You can get arrested. A guy bumped into a fella at a bar. And he's in jail because he bumped into his hip.

There's a girl in jail right now because she witnessed a fight. Her friends got in a fight and she witnessed it. Get the fuck in jail. She's in jail. Corey and Jacob will wind up in jail in about four seconds after touching down. How much does it cost to get them out? You don't get out. I'm not giving you $1,500 to send those two dickheads on a fucking vacation.

But there's lots of people. You just got to be spartan when you're over there. You got to beg for a while, move your location. Okay, how about this thing? You just said you gotta be smart when you're over there, and then you're sending the dumb guys. You did say professional, which they are not. They're too dumb. Okay. I don't think that's the biggest

problem with this. You send them over there, make your first $75,000, then I'll give you the $1,500 when it's proven. No, no, no, no. Startup capital, buddy. That's what it's called. I need $1,000, then I'll give you the $1,500 when it's proven. No, no, no. Startup capital, buddy. That's what it's called. I need $1,500 like for a flight that's leaving next Tuesday. Fuck. I don't know about this.

I'm telling you, man. Are you even considering this, Ricky? It's a big return. It's a big return. It's a fucking terrible idea. It's a great idea. You know what we could do? We could even do this. Check this out. Give them a cell phone. FaceTime.

We could even, like, strap it to their body. We'll be the lookout. They won't know how to configure the Internet. They won't be able to get on the Internet. So there's the problem with that, right out of the gate. All right. This is a terrible idea. I don't know.

I'm still going to work on it, man. Corey and Jacob, professional beggars in Dubai. We'll talk about it tonight when we're fucked up. That's when you make your best business decisions. All right, let's do it then. You guys are fucked. No, we're not. We might be.

All right, so what's on the go then? What do you got on the go? Okay, last week I called for some kiddie videos. Yeah. From a kiddie of the week contest. Apparently you didn't make it clear enough. I got some fucking doozies though. Yeah?

I got some doozies. Well, I don't think some people understood what the fuck they were supposed to do. No, some people didn't. I got some real fucked up ones here I'm going to show you, but I got some doozies. Okay? All right. I got some real fucked up ones here I'm going to show you, but I got some doozies. Okay? First one I want to show you. Holy fuck.

Well, no, I won't show you that one first because I think it's going to be my winner. Maybe I'll show you the fucked up ones first. All right. Okay, this guy here. You showed me one that was fucked. This guy clearly did not understand what the contest was because this is... What the fuck is that? That's a dog. That is a still picture

of his dog. And he's got some kind of Japanese rap music playing and he's got bubbles going up. I mean, I get how some people do get confused with that. They're both three letters.

Dog, cat. No, they were doing that to piss you off, bubs. Well, I don't know if they were just being fucked or what. I'm telling you, man, no one's throwing a dog up unless they want to piss you off. There's a lot of stupid people out there. Okay, now this one, I'm not understanding how this lady got this so fucked up, but she must have thought when I said kitty of the week, I was spelling it with Ds, like I'm looking for, you know.

That's definitely not a cat. No, this is like an infant. Is it a real baby or a pretend baby? She's just changing its clothes and its diapers and stuff, and then watch this. Now I'm just doing Paris and Sophia's hair just really quickly because I brushed it the other day. What the fuck is that?

She must have thought you meant kitty like a kid. Or... Who the fuck knows? So I'm just doing their hair. So is that a doll or is that a real kitty? I don't have a fucking clue. It's gross. Whatever it is, man. It looks like a little zombie. Get it off! It looks like a zombie baby.

It's freaking me out. That can't be real. I don't know, but whoever that lady is, she needs some fucking... She needs some counseling or something. Serious counseling.

She needs some help. Maybe not. I'm pretty sure she's dealing with doll babies there and treating them like as if they're alive. They could be alive.

I hope not, because that thing looks like it crawled out of the sewer yeah that wasn't a really good looking this one i'm not sure what this one is you know what they say but ugly babies though they usually grow up to be models who says that read it somewhere you read somewhere that ugly babies grow up to be marked it just had a bunch of these models, and then it had baby pictures, and they were fucked looking, but then they turned into... It's like the ugly duckling, right?

Is that what you're saying? Yep. The ugly duckling, did that grow up to be something? It sure did, something beautiful. What did it grow up to be? A duck. No, it's a swan. It's a swan.

The ugly duck. Remember how the cocksucker, the ducks were like, fuck, this baby's ugly. And they didn't want to fucking keep it. It's like, this duck looks fucked. And they booted him the fuck out of the family, didn't they? And then he grew up. Yeah, and he wasn't a duck. He was a fucking swan.

That's what it was. Then he went back and killed the fucking duck family. They didn't kill it, man. Ricky. That's a kid's book. You know what? I think we should have a new segment on this show where Ricky explains nursery rhymes. Let's do it.

They do mean a lot more than most people think they mean. So what does that whole ugly duckling thing mean, Ricky? What's the moral of that? The moral of it is the fucking duck should have treated the goddamn thing better, even if it was ugly. And because they didn't, he grew up to be a bigger, better swan than a duck and fucked them over. So that's what happens.

If you fuck with people, you get fucked over backly. That's what the ugly duckling's about? If you fuck with people, you get fucked over backly. Yeah, that's... All right, check this out. I think you could all learn a lot from that. Check this out.

Why? If you're blind and someone's reading Humpty Dumpty to you, you would not have a fuck... Like, any idea it was a fucking egg, dude. Nowhere in that fucking thing does it say he's an egg. What's... Do you know how Humpty Dumpty goes, Ricky? Humpty Dumpty... Uh Ricky? Humpty Dumpty...

uh, got up on a wall. Humpty Dumpty fell. And got busted up, and you could never put him back together again. Something like that, yeah. Something like that. I think the original one rhymes, if I'm not mistaken. And what do you think that one's all about? That's tricky.

It's probably pretty deep. I mean, you could just look at it, if you put something over the wall and it falls, it's gonna get broke. Or if you jump off a wall, you might die. Or don't fuck something over that you can't put back together. Very nice, very deep. Pretty deep. I've had lots of stone time to think about this shit.

Okay, so I'm gonna make this a new segment. Every week I'm gonna ask Ricky about a nursery rhyme. What it means. Good idea, man. Okay, look at this, more kiddie videos. All right, let's go out with the kiddie videos. I don't know what one this is. Oh, Jesus!

What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Is that a guy or a girl? This is a fella. That's a dude. And the cat's... Why do people do shit like this, man? What the fuck is that all about?

Cat's trying to get some milk out of him. What? So you let your cat suck on your nipple? No, this is not me, Ricky. This is somebody else. Have you ever tried this soap, Bubz? Somebody has. Oh, this has happened to me when I've been sleeping. No question. How does it feel? It's weird.

You feel like you're getting milked? It's weird as fuck. That is something. That is... This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. But I'm not going to stop. You sure that's a dude? What the fuck is this cat doing? It's sucking on your nipple. You're sucking on your nipple, you jackass. Yeah, that's a weird one. He's not the winner. All right, what else you got? He's not the winner. No. So those are the weird ones I got. Now some of these, some of these are decent.

Look at this little cocksucker. Look what he's doing. Explain it to people who can't see this, man. They're gonna see it. He's playing our, that's our, you know, our video game, our app game. He's playing it on the iPad. Wow, that app game. He's playing it on the iPad. Wow, that's fun. Pretty smart kitty.

Fucking right he's smart. I couldn't even figure that thing out. What level's he on? Can't tell. Looks like he's on level 11. Wish I was on level 11 right now. Well, you could get there, Ricky. So that's a good one.

That was a cont's a good one. That was a contender for number one. Okay. Forget what this one is. This one's... Oh, it's a polydactyl. I have two kitties. A what?

That's Maddie. She's a bitch. But this is NeNe. NeNe is also known as Oliver, and he has eight toes. All that cocksucker's got eight toes. Every single one of his toes is a polydact toes. You say Nene's also known as Oliver? How do you make that jump? Thanks, folks. Bye.

I don't know. He's got two names for it. I've got several names for all of my kitties. They don't need to be connected. How about one name? You must confuse the fuck out of a cat because they're so dumb. Oh, yeah, cats are dumb, are they, Ricky? I don't think so, bud. So why would you have two names for one cat?

Or a bunch of cats? Just whatever your mood is. I've called kitties different names. All right, I guess it's okay then. Fuck. I've had probably 40 names for Vince. 40? He's had 40 names.

That's not fair, man. So that one should give a cat 40 names. Kitty, he's got eight toes on every foot. Here, watch these two cocksuckers. Look at these two boxing. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Look at them.

See that? Is it a fun box or is it a fun box? Oh, yeah, they're just playing. Okay. Now watch this. Watch this. This guy goes to leave, yeah, they're just playing. Okay. Now, watch this song. Watch this. This guy goes to leave. Watch, he goes to leave.

And this guy goes, now, fuck you, gives it to him. Fucking gives it to him. Nice. Is that the winner? No. Fuck. That was pretty good, though.

That was decent. That was entertaining. I watched that one about 40, 50 times. Now, watch this one. This is the winner. This cocksucker's so tired. Watch how tired this guy is. Is he alive?

Oh, yeah, he's alive. He's just sleeping. Watch. He's sleeping upside down. The guy's pulling his tongue out. He is pulling his tongue a little bit. He's not pulling too hard. He looks like he's banged up on hash. He's drugged. Yeah, he's drugged. He's not his tongue out. He is pulling his tongue a little bit. He's not pulling too hard. He looks like he's banged up on hash.

He's drugged. Yeah, he's drugged. He's not drugged. That cat is definitely drugged. Cats don't get that tired. He's tired. He might have had a long day. Oh.

That is pretty fucked. He's pulling on a little hard there. I don't think he should pull it quite so hard, but... That's who you're giving it to, is it? I think that's the one right there. What do they win? Bubbles. Oh, I never thought of that. No, I thought you did.

You got to fly them in or something? No, Ricky, no. I'm doing this every week. I can't be fucking flying people from all over the world just because they sent me a kitty video. Just say you won. Maybe the winner has to send you the cat. That's... I mean, if they were willing to, that's not a bad idea.

The winner, I get to keep the cat. You can't do that, Bubs. That way you get to pick the best of the best for kitties. I don't know who that's from. Doesn't say. Anyway, that's the winner. What the fuck is this? Blog.SwearNet.com slash...

Kitey? Kitty, Ricky. Oh, yeah, so... This is where you send your videos. Blog.SwearNet.com slash Kitty. Right there. Or they can put it on the screen with the real graphics instead of this.

Blog.SwearNet.com, er... Blog.SwearNet.com slash kitty. That's where you send your videos into me and I pick kitty of the week and maybe you win something, maybe you don't. Who fucking knows? If I can track down who this was, maybe I'll send them something

or they can send me that sleeping kitty with the loose tongue. Do you know it takes two years to grow a pineapple? I don't know if I knew that or not. Pretty fucked. That's a long time. I was reading some really fucked up shit that freaked me out. Two years? Two years.

That sounds awful. It's a long time. That doesn't sound right, man. That sounds fishy, Ricky. A typical cumulus cloud weighs about 1.1 million pounds, which makes them... How does it not fall out of the sky and kill everybody? Hmm.

It's a cumulus cloud. Cumulus, cumulus? I wouldn't want to be under a million-pound cumulus cloud. No, that would be... Yeah, that could get messy. That wouldn't be good. That would not be good. Peter North, maybe.

Especially with thunder and lightning, we'd be really fucked. Peter North is the weatherman. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just don't understand how it stays up there if it weighs that much. Well, because, Ricky, it's... I mean, that's a good... He's got a good question.

He's got a good question. It is a good question, and it gets into science and fucking, you know, weights and things like that. Maybe it's the moon. So what do you think makes up the two... It's spread out over such an area, Ricky. Yeah, so what do you think makes up all that weight It's spread out over such an area, Ricky. So what do you think makes up all that weight? It's vapor, even though it's...

But you were telling them, man. No, I mean, but what they're saying, Ricky, is if you talk all the water that thing's holding and put it together in a tank, it would weigh that. But the state that it's in is vapor, so it's lighter than air, so it's hanging up there. All right. But if you condensed her all into a thing,

it would be a million pounds of water. See, that makes sense. I was thinking it was the moon was pulling it up, but I guess, yeah, that's too stupid. No. Yeah, that's a good point, though. When you read the fucking thing weighs a million pounds, you're like, well, how...

So some things, the way they're written, fuck you over. Yes. Totally. I have another fun fact, if you'd like to hear it. Can't waste... This one's about concrete. Okay. Interesting.

Between the years 2011 and 2013, how many years is that? 2011, 2002 years, Ricky. China used more cement than the U.S. did in the entire 20th century. That's fucked up. Jesus, is that true? Apparently. That's a lot. Hang the fuck on.

That's a lot of concrete. That's a lot of... Hang the fuck on! That's a lot of concrete. In two years, they used more concrete than the US used in the 20th century. That's a lot of concrete when you think about New York City and Golden Gate Bridge. It's hard to believe, huh? That's a lot. That's... I'm finding that hard to believe, but... Me too, man.

But is that? If that's true, holy fuck, they're going through some pile of concrete. What are they... We should buy stocks in concrete. Chinese concrete. That's the future. Oh, yeah, I've got one more.

See, I got fucked up reading this shit last night I couldn't sleep you know globes yeah how they have the world on yeah cool huh mm-hmm is that it no oh that's what it was you know the South America's that's what do they call that it the South Americas? Mm-hmm. What do they call that? South America. And there's North America, right? Yeah. South America, almost the entire fucking thing, is east of Florida.

What? Yeah. I always thought it was way the fuck over, you know, here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. No, it's fucking over here. Yeah, you got North America here. Yep. Right? And she comes down, and Texas is here.

And then everything kind of swoops over. I thought it swooped the other way. No, because it comes like this, and Texas comes down, and then you go into Mexico, and, you know, Costa Rica, Belize, down to Panama, Central America, and then it gets big again into South America, and it's all over here. Yeah, totally fucked me up.

You didn't know that? I fucking must not have paid attention enough in school, maybe. Well, that's not that interesting. Now, the concrete thing, that's... That's still fucking you up, is it? That's still fucking me up. More concrete than the U.S. U.S. Two years.

But there's quite a few people over there. So the 20th century. Yep. That was a big one. That was a big one. So that's 1900 to 2000. Yeah. A hundred and something years.

If you're thinking about all the highways and overpasses and all that shit, that's a lot of fucking... That's pretty much every bit of concrete they used in the whole century. What the fuck are they doing? They're building shit, obviously. Like, buildings, roads. They must be making the whole city just concrete, nothing else. They're making everything out of concrete. Yep.

Clothes. Houses. Cars. Countertops. Boats. Shoes. I don't think they're making boats out of it, Ricky. Concrete boats.

I don't know. It making boats out of it, Ricky. Concrete boats. I don't know. It's no different than steel. It's just a different type of material. Well, you could make a concrete boat. You could make it more solid. You could. Yeah, you could. Just it's the opposite of a pool. But it, no, it's more than that, man.

If you took a swimming pool and flipped it upside down and then flipped it back up right on the ocean, it might float. Yeah, I'd say it would float. Boys, it depends on how thick the fucking concrete is. Well, I know, of course. You couldn't just throw a fucking swimming pool in the ocean. Okay, if you were to build, like, a big concrete ark, right?

Yeah. Throw that motherfucker in the ocean,, if you were to build, like, a big concrete ark, right? Yeah. Throw that motherfucker in the ocean. I bet you it'll float. A concrete ark. Yeah. We should build one. Oh, yeah, that's what we should do.

Build a fucking concrete ark. That would be very beneficial to humanity. You can buy concrete, you know. I know that, Ricky. So we could build one. Why would we do that? Just to be the first. Be rich.

What would make us rich if we owned a concrete ark? People would come from all over the fucking world to see that. Well, unless it's been already done, you know. Let me see if it's in here. Are you really searching this as a possibility that we're gonna build one? While he's searching that, you could talk about other shit Okay, what about that car that flew in the second story of that fucking bill? That's fun trying to kill himself or was just a fuck-up drunk or what the fuck was I don't know

But he almost hit a bus and launched square if the quick. Here, if the people haven't seen it, roll the fucking thing. It's fucked. Did you see that? Okay, so either he fucked up and he thought he was on a road that didn't end. Unless maybe his accelerator's stuck. Because he didn't seem to slow down. Or maybe he was just going for a world record, which he must have got. I don't think he was going for...

Crazy. Here's the possibilities. Accelerator's stuck. Yeah. That's a distinct possibility. Yeah. Wasted. Wasted and didn't realize he wasn't on the freeway and that the road fucking ended.

Trying to kill himself. Or trying to kill himself. Or getting, you know... Unless... Getting... Maybe someone he didn't like lived in that second floor. So you're saying that some dude was getting a blowjob while he was cruising down the road and...

It's possible. I hope not. Because something could have got ripped off. I mean, I guess I should have just said he was distracted. He wasn't necessarily getting that. He could have been on his phone. You know, texting. Holy fuck, I'm in a house. That was a bad fuck-up.

That was a... I can't believe the distance he got. No, it's insane. It's fucking cool. I'd like to try it. If he had a car that he didn't give a fuck about. Here, pretend you're the bus driver, Ricky. What do you think the bus driver's reaction was? Pretend you're him.

He's the guy that almost hit him? Yeah. So he'd be just driving along and then he'd just... And then he would probably just go off the road and kill everyone on the bus. He didn't, though. He just kept going. He's a professional. I'm not. He probably didn't even flinch. I bet you he flinched. It should be more like this.

Do it. Oh, yeah. Wow. I doubt that was his reaction either, Ricky. I like the first one. He may not have even Ricky. I liked the first one. You may not have even noticed. I liked the first one. It looked like you were stroking him. Then there was that missile fucking scare in Hawaii. Yeah, that was a big fuck up.

Okay, that was a big fuck up. They say they pushed the wrong button. I find that fucking hard to believe and here's why. I don't believe that a system where you're going to send out a fucking message that hey you're about to get blown up with a nuclear weapon i don't believe it's one button there's got to be like you know when you go to delete your files or whatever it says are you sure yeah it's good you go yes definitely there's got to be at least one level on there where you're

okay i'm about to tell everybody that they're going to die in 15 minutes i'm sure there's a thing that pops up and says are you sure that you want to send this man like if i was writing the program that did that it would have about four of those it It would say, are you sure? And then you go, yes. Are you really fucking sure? Are you really fucking sure? Yes. Okay, listen to what I'm saying. Are you fucking positive this is what you want to say because you're about to scare the fucking nuts off millions of people?

Are you sure? Unless it's just a button like this. And the guy trips and he's like, oh, fuck, I hit the button. Now we're fucked. That's basically what they're saying. I know, but I'm saying there's no way that they would have that set up. It could be old technology. Anyway, it was a big fuck up because people were probably pissing their pants.

I would have been, oh. What would you do if you get a fucking little alert on your phone that says, you got 31 minutes, bud? No, it was 15. All right. What would you do if you get a fucking little alert on your phone that says, you got 31 minutes, bud? No, it was 15. And it lasted for 38 before they told them, oh, it's a fuck up. So you think you've got the official message that went out said, uh, um, missiles are going to impact within minutes, it said.

So that's what you heard heard so that could really fuck people because we've talked about this before right like if you're like 75 80 and you're like fuck it you know i've never tried something like heroin or something yeah i'm about to die here we go all right you know what everybody should have one of those kits a nuclear kit? Just in case it's coming. With crazy drugs? Crazy drugs. All kinds of drugs. Favorite food. And, you know, phone or video camera. Well, they would have been all busted out if, you know, last week.

If that was the case. That's what you think they should have, isn't it? Yeah. A drug kit. Well, not a drug kit. All the drugs you wish you had done for your life. And then find someone that wants to do them with you, and maybe you guys can have a little parting kiss or something

when you're all fucked up before the bomb hits. I know what you're saying, Ricky. Do some drugs you've always wanted to do and then bang. Do some banging? And eating. And drinking. You don't want to be fucking starving. You've got 15 minutes.

How are you going to, what, are you going to meet someone online? Hey. We got 15 minutes. Somebody meet me at fucking McDonald's? Who wants to do heroin? Let's go. I guarantee you there was a lot of banging going on in that 15 minutes. I probably was.

People just would have started banging like crazy. But it could have been a fucking horror show. Because, you know, you know, what's his face there? It was on the golf course. What if he was like, oh, they launched, did they? Well, fuck them. Give me the football. Here, dook, dook, dook, dook.

Launch. Thankfully. And then he had it launched. And then the little fella with the hair, the little Korean fella, he would have been like, oh, you're launching at me, are you? Fuck you, bud. Launch. And then they're both launching,

and it was all because some fucking dummy fucking pushed the wrong button. It could have been a horse shot. That person get fired? I would think. They got at least reprimanded. What does that mean? They should have got at least, you know, a warning.

Yeah, time to go home. I just feel bad. Stay home for this week. I feel bad for the people with kids. You imagine if you've got kids and it's like, okay, kids, everybody in the car, we're going for a drive. Yeah, if you have kids, it would suck. You're gonna die, kids.

It wouldn't be so bad without kids, but you got kids, that's a fuck around. Well, what are you going to do? Pile them in the car and tell them you're going to Disneyland and you just wait for the fucking flash? All right, so if that had been us, what would you have done with your cats? Well, I'd probably... Kill them?

Ricky. Down in the old manhole? So they'd have to suffer? I wonder if anybody did that. What? I'm going to die in 15 minutes and maybe just kill myself right fucking now. Well, that's the danger. Somebody's got to...

That's the danger. Some people fucking think that way, man. And then after you're dead, what do you do? You can't be undead. No, you can't be. Unless you're Jesus. Yeah, but... That's questionable, Ricky.

There's questionable science going on there. I probably, what I would have done, I probably would have slathered myself in cat food and just let them pile on. And I would have just been in a pile of kitties and just waited to be incinerated. So you used the kitties as protection? No, no, there's no protection.

We all would have been incinerated together in a big fluff ball. That's pretty nice. That's probably what I would have done. That's the best way to go, bud. What would you have done, Julian? I just would have started fucking guzzling booze like crazy. Would have went over to the aristocrat. Some, you know, lap dances and stuff.

That's about it. You think when the... Maybe get a steak? When the warning's happening, you think people are... They're still in there stripping, trying to make a buck? Fuck yeah. Still serving steaks? Well, not everybody's looking at their phones when they're in a strip club, man.

You're not allowed to take the phones out. So you wouldn't bother telling the strippers that they're about to die? You would just be... Oh, I'd tell them. I'd say, you're going to die in 15 minutes, check that out. Better put on some magic here. Let's get some shit going. Strip like it's the last time you're gonna strip in your life.

But you'd see some fireworks then. Like what? Just crazy shit that you never thought was possible. From a stripper? I don't know how their bodies work, but there must be some crazy shit we've never seen. Like what do you imagine, Ricky? Stuff shooting out or I don't know.

Like sparks? Who knows? What's he talking about? Sparks out of what? You know, friction. He's just talking about that if a stripper, a lady, knew that it was, she would all of a sudden reveal things she could do that nobody knows about, like shooting sparks out of things. What the fuck are you talking about, man?

Ricky. She was just flying this out that she could shoot sparks out of her? Well, he's thinking that once every... He's basically saying that... If you were stripping, and you knew you were gonna die in 10 minutes, it was the last strip these people were gonna see, wouldn't you try to put on a good show, Julian? Well, of course you'd wanna put on a good show, but...

What would you do? Would you try to shoot you've never done before? Actually, I wouldn't wanna put a good show on. I'd go out and do what I said. But, Ricky, you're insinuating that they've hidden this talent their whole lives, that they can shoot sparks out of things and they would just reveal it. There's gotta be something we don't know about.

What the fuck? Ricky. All right, maybe not. I don't know. What would you do, bubs? Oh, yeah, you'd get covered in cats and blown up. Yeah. That's probably the way I'd go out. Covered in cat food. Covered in cat food, getting... What about cat nip?

Oh, yeah. That's the way to get her going for them. Cover myself in cat food and then just dump nip. Just roll and nip. I'd be like a big, wet, cat foodie nip fog. How would you keep them from rolling around in your unit area? Wouldn't matter at that point. See, that's kind of weird.

Wouldn't matter. You'd want them twisting around and rolling. I'd just be like a big, like a big salt lick. Nip log. Cat food nip log. I'd be just rolling around, getting nipped at. This kind of sounds like fun. I should run a test.

With a nip suit? Well, just, you know, maybe. Maybe I don't need to be in imminent danger to try that. Just watch yourself, man, when you're doing it, because you might end up liking it too much. Like people fall in love with their cars and start banging their cars. That kind of shit could happen. That's not going to happen.

I mean, if I was doing it as a test, I would cover. What part would you cover first? Well, obviously. The ween-ween? But if you had ten minutes, the ween-ween wouldn't get covered up. That's what you're trying to say. But practicing, you're gonna cover it up because you might like it too much.

If there was a missile coming, I wouldn't necessarily take the time to find a special cover. Would you say that to the cats? Missiles coming. Is that what would happen? Well, they wouldn't know. They would not. They would just see that I was covering cat food

and nip and that's all they'd be worried about. I don't know, man. Sounds pretty tough. Okay, so I'd leave my underwear on then. Okay, but what? You're going to take it off? Are you serious? Wow. I okay what you're gonna take it off are you serious wow i was thinking you're like fully dressed yeah man and they're moving around there naked but you're naked pups it's a whole different fucking ball game yeah i would stay dressed i never thought of that you would get naked but if you're gonna be naked you should do catnip and tuna oil or something okay Okay, would it be like

the canned stuff or the little pellets of... It'd be the canned stuff, wouldn't it? Rub it all over. Yes, the canned stuff is what I meant. Tuna. You wanna rub tuna all over your naked body and have cats lick it off and play in it. No, I would

be dressed, I suppose. No, you wouldn't be. Okay, now you're just fucking with me. Okay, boys, let's wear something out. One more time. Should we end with some jokes? Yes. I've got some fucking doozies.

Oh, yeah. Here, just wait. Let me say this one more time before you start your jokes. Blog.SwearNet.com slash kitty. Send me your quick kitty videos. And no babies. No zombie babies. That was fucked up.

No nipple-sucking kitties. No dogs. Fuck dogs. Kitty videos. Okay, Ricky, hit me with some gold. I gotta admit, these aren't my jokes. Corey was on a fucking fire last night. He came over, me and Jacob were drinking,

got a little high. I mean, I gotta admit, they're not as funny today as they were last night. Oh man, he had me on the floor. I was fucking done. All right, let's go. You should be good. Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Why? Too many cheetahs. Ricky? What's the next one? Just wait. Why is that so funny? Oh, fuck. Because it's cheetahs, but it's spelled different.

It means, you know what I mean? Fucking great. Oh, I. It's cheetahs, but it's spelled different. It means, you know what I mean? Fucking great. Oh, I love that joke. This is a good one, too. All right, you ready for this? Let's go. What's it going to get you guys? Oh, yeah, I bet.

This is great. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? What? What? Hey, Robin, get in the car. What? What? Hey Robin, get in the car. See? That one wasn't funny at all, man. Explain that one to me, Rick,

because there's not even a play on words. Because that's what he would say, it's not funny, but you think it's gonna be funny because it's supposed to be a joke. It's fucking great. Yeah, Corey made that one up, did he? This one's good, too. That was the best one, I think, but this one's not bad.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months. Oh, my fuck. Is that it? Why is that one so funny, Ricky? Explain it to me. I don't get it. Well, they would've ripped the calendar in half, right? But it sounds like they went to jail. So good.

Okay, is that it? That's all I got for now, yeah. Good. Oh man, those were something else. Those were great jokes, Ricky. Okay, Bob, so found this site. You can actually make a boat out of concrete, Ricky, okay? Fuck off.

Actually, during World War II, the states, they fucking made 24 fucking ships made out of concrete. Then they found out they all sank. No, they used them, man. They were actually blowing shit up. So there you go. Concrete boat. So much for getting rich building a concrete ark.

It's already been done. No, they just built ships. Thank fuck. Thank fuck we're not building a concrete ark. All right, we're done. I got to go. All right. Tune in next week when more stuff happens.