Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 128 - Unusually Fond of Makral

Episode Date: January 29, 2018

Julian has a cold, Ricky has been smoking too much dope, and Bubbles is glued to kitty videos on the latest episode of the podcash! Who will win Kitty of the Week? Why does Ricky want to eat Puffer Fish? And WHAT is a frost-bitten-cancer-pony-penis?! Episode 128 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Where's the other one, boys? Where's the other one, boys? Where's the other button? What are the button, bubs? You accusing me of stealing? Where's the other one? It's right back there. There you go.

Fuck. This one's busted. I like to have them all right there. What are you doing with the buttons? Why? All right, what the fuck is going on here? I don't know. I don't have a fucking clue. I just want to hurry up and get this done. Me too.

Why? I don't know. I'm fucking edgy today. Why are you so edgy? Just, I hung over and people are pissing me off. Okay. Well, I'm gonna just take my time then. You're not taking your time.

Listen to me. I'm sick, bubs. I'm fucking sick. I got a headache. Sick of what? I got a bad fucking cold, man. Yeah? Real bad. There's that K flu going around. See, the best thing for that is to ream something down your throat.

Something tubular. Ricky, we know what you're trying to say. And no, that's not going to happen. Okay. All right, let's get this fucking thing going. What's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is episode 100 and...

Don't know, don't know, don't have a clue. Oh my fuck. 28? 128. I think it is. Fuck, now you're pissing me off. Go fuck yourself then. Maybe I won't. What's the date today? Do you know that? Nope.

I know it's July. I mean, no, it's not July. It's January. It's January. I can figure this out. Who gives a fuck? Who really gives a fuck? It's the end of January. Getting there. 26. 26th.

I think. Okay. It's either the 25th, the 26th, or the 27th. Congratulations. It's in that range. So tell everybody what you've been doing for the last two days, Ricky. Uh, I don't really remember. Drinking.

Yes. Well, fuck. Okay, I thought there was something else. Drinking. Smoking dope. Yep. Just like most days. Did I do something different other than that?

No. I'm just, the amount you've ingested is a bit much. I should fucking maybe slow it down a little bit. How much weed do you think you smoked in the last two days, Ricky? Just weed? Or everything? Okay, how much weed have you smoked? Start with weed? Not that much.

Okay. Not that much to you? 10, 15 grams, maybe. Okay, how much oil? Bullshit! Okay, 20. Bullshit! How much oil? You had a fucking ounce of weed.

And I had at least some joints left, maybe. Oil. How much oil? Half a fiver. Bullshit. There's still some left in that fucking fiver. You can go look at it. How... No, that's a... How much hash?

I didn't really smoke a lot of hash this weekend. Four or five grams, maybe. Bullshit. You're so full of shit, man. 20 grams you smoked. I didn't think I smoked that much, but whatever. Yeah. It's a weekend.

It's not, though. It was. Last weekend was, yeah. Right. It just didn't really end. And now it's the weekend again. Perfect. It's time to crank it up, isn't it?

I'm going to have to get some more supplies, I guess. I just, I think you should gear down a little bit. I didn't drink that much, though. Well, of course. Well, a quart. A quart a day. Is that a lot? It's quite a bit. That's not a lot.

Julian drinks a 40 a day. If you'd... Ricky, a quart a day. In three days, you drank three quarts, an ounce of weed, 20 grams of hash, and two fibers of oil. Like, does that seem excessive to you for a couple days? Depends who you ask, I guess.

Some people might think it's normal. Some people might think it's not. Who's fucked? Some people think it's healthy. Why am I fucked? You shouldn't be... You should be setting an example. It's healthy now.

I don't have to smoke. Not drinking a 40 a day would be a good start. That's why they legalize it, bubs. It's for health. I drink throughout the day, okay? So I'm not working on, like, a crazy buzz on like he is. I drink it for different reasons, man. All right, whatever.

All right, whatever. What have you been up to? Clean living. Clean living. Clean living, whatever. All right, whatever. What have you been up to? Clean living. Clean living. Clean living, baby. No alcohol or drugs going in this fella. You've been making those fruity little shakes and stuff, too. They're not fruity.

I thought you put fruit in them. Oh, yeah, there's fruit in them. And vegetables. You've got that big fucking bag of cucumbers. Yeah. How many cucumbers do you drink a day? Because that's what you're doing with them, isn't it? I don't know. And vegetables. You've got the big fucking bag of cucumbers. Yeah. How many cucumbers do you drink a day? Because that's what you're doing with them, isn't it?

I don't know. I'll ask your mom. That was real funny. Get it? No, I get it. Do you? Get it? I think I get it.

I was watching that fucking crazy, it was like an alligator-python death duel. Did you guys see that shit at the golf course? That was fucked. What? Yeah, man, this big fucking crazy python and alligator went at it. Where? Good scrap, right on the fucking golf course. What golf course?

Down in Florida. Oh, I thought you just happened around here. I was gonna say, there's no alligators around here. The alligator fucking won, but it was close. The alligator beat the python? Yeah, he bit his fucking head. It was right in his mouth. Oh, yeah.

But the fucking python, or maybe it was a boa. I don't remember. It was wrapped right the fuck around him. It was probably a boa, man. He almost had him? Oh, he was wrapped right the fuck around him. I thought he was going to win. The alligator was like, nice try, bud.

Chomped right on his fucking head. Bye-bye. Oh, yeah. Once he shot him by the head, that's it for him. Because he's got no arms, right? He can't defend himself with his arms. The shitty part is he can't really have a rematch once you're dead. No, he just can't.

That's a good one. I wonder what else would be a good little fucking tango. Tango? Like a tiger and a... I don't know. Tiger and a bear. That would be fucking awesome. That would be a fucking crazy match. Yeah, a tiger would win. I don't know, man. A bear's fucking big and strong too.

It depends on how big each one is, I guess. I mean, not like a koala bear. It'd have to be like a fucking grizzly or... Grizzly bear and a tiger? That would be... I wouldn't want to see that. What about a raccoon and a wolf? What about a hyena and Mike Tyson? Think Mike Tyson could beat a hyena?

No, man. He'd have one fucking chance. Yeah. He'd have to fucking make it a good one. But if he'd connect it, if Tyson connected with him in the jaw. Fucking break him right now. Yeah, but those things are pretty fast, man.

They'd be coming in and they'd go nip, nip, nip, nip, and they'd fucking back away. Tyson's pretty fast, too. Maybe back in the day. Okay, in his prime Mike Tyson versus a sort of older hyena. They should have a video game like that. Maybe. What about Bruce Lee against a hyena back when he was alive? Oh, Bruce Lee'd fucking destroy a hyena.

You think? Yes, he's so quick. Hyena wouldn't have a chance. What would you rather fight, an alligator or a python to the death? I wouldn't fight either one of them. No, but if you had to, if you were on one of those game shows. Hmm. That'd be a tough one.

I don't know if we should start one. I'd watch the shit out of that. Some dude has to fight a python or a shark. Okay, today on you're definitely going to die at some point. Well, there was that buddy, that crazy fucker that has that bear suit. Remember that dude? Oh, yes. They were letting these fucking logs come at him.

Nailing him. He'd go flying. Are you talking about when I built my bear suit? Yeah, you kind of did the same thing, but I mean, he spent millions of dollars on his. You spent... Mine was just as good, I thought. 20 bucks? Mine was just as good.

I had, you know, the ribs from that barrel on my chest. I would have fought a bear with that thing on, but you guys wouldn't let me. Speaking of deadly shit, do you know what the fucking deadliest cat in the world is? It's not what you fucking think. He weighs less than five pounds. Who, Orange Thunder?

No, he's called the Blackfooted Cat. The Blackfooted Cat? He is a motherfucker. Cute as fuck, but man, he is deadly little fucker. What are you talking about, Ricky? 60% of his strikes, every fucking time. Kills whatever the fuck he's prancing or pouncing on. You mean mice and stuff?

Like birds and whatever the fuck he's prancing or pouncing on. You mean mice and stuff? Like birds and whatever the fuck. Okay, I thought you meant... I thought he would take down a cheetah or something, this little fucker. This is not a chance. You should fucking look into those, they're cool. Oh, I know what that is, but I thought you were saying he kills people.

I wish I was a black-footed cat sometimes. Looking all cute, but fucking don't fuck with me. Ricky. Black-footed cat. You're never going to be a cat. Speaking of cats, Kitty of the Week videos. Oh, not this again, man. Oh, my fuck. Speaking of fucking pissing me off.

What? You don't want to see my Kitty of the Week videos? I don't mind seeing them, but a lot of people can't even see this shit. You can't hear them, right? You can't hear how cute they are. It doesn't work that way. Well, people can still, that gives them an incentive. Well, at least describe the fucking things.

Oh, I'll describe them. Who's your finalist today? Well, this cock sucker. How many of these are worth? You've got like fucking 15. There's a few. Look at this cock sucker. Watch this guy.

He reaches up for the hand. Get your fucking hand down here and pat me. Nice. See that? Yeah, that's kind of cute. See that? That was adorable. He's like, fuck you, you're patting me.

Right now. That was a decent one. Which one's this now? I forget. Look at this cocksucker. He opens the drawer. Give me my treats. That was a decent one. Which one's this now? I forget. Look at this cocksucker. He opens the drawer. Give me my treats. That was smirk. Give me my fucking treats. I know they're in here.

That's a smirk fucking cat. Oh, you don't got to tell me. These are all contenders for the Super Cats cat show. How come all your cats are dumb compared to that cat? Ricky, have you ever seen some of my trained kitties? This cocksucker here, he's great. Watch this. What is his name, Bailey?

Bailey, yeah. Oh, he gets in the box, right? Yep. Stepping from strength to strength here. But then guess what? Here, I'll skip ahead a little bit because it takes me a minute. Watch this.

Now she's not going to do anything. Watch this, I'm just in the box here takes a minute. Watch this. Now she's not going to do anything. Watch this. I'm just in the box here. Hi, sweetie. But you know what I think I might do? Here you go. I'm spying that bag over there. Well, look at me.

Get in the bag. All right. Maybe I might. Oh, she's hiding. She jumped in the bag. Whoop-dee-shit. Successful. Successful box to bag transfer.

Wow. That's amazing. That's awesome, boys. Yeah, it's something. Well, I mean, he's having a good time. Let's see. Oh, yeah, look at this guy. How the fuck does he move that slow?

It's a slow-motion camera. He's catching trees. Or he's fucking with bubbles. Look. Huh? See that? That's a weird one. Okay he's catching trees or he's fucking with bubbles. Look. See that? That was a weird one. Okay. What cat wouldn't do that?

Grabbed it right out of the air. Not all cats can do that, Julian. Fuck. What happened? I fucking went too far. Something happened. That's a few. We can come back and... So who wins? Well, there's lots more. There can come back and... So who wins? Well, there's lots more. There's lots more to check.

Fuck! Look at this guy here. Look at this guy. Do you like cheeseburgers? Huh? Cheeseburger kitty. Oh, my God, you're so... That's a good kitty for Randy to have.

Look, it eats a fucking cheeseburger. You should not feed your kitties cheeseburgers, just for the record. I guess if you starve your cat long enough, it'll eat anything. Well, Ricky, I don't think they were starving it. They look pretty skinny. Look at this guy here. What's this guy doing? Oh, doing some this one's not. This guy does not know how to do belly work on a kitty.

No. Clearly, this isn't. No, he's not liking it. The cat doesn't look really that impressed. No, the cat's like, fuck off, would you? No, that's not how you do belly work. Well, his fucking hand's coming a little bit too close to the private areas, right? Maybe he's like, what are you trying to do?

Well, you don't just get on the belly and then shake the fuck out of the cat. That's not belly work. She probably thinks he's going to stick his fingers in him or something, man. That'd be pissed off, too. Well, that guy from last week getting his nipple licked probably would. Okay, here we are. Oh, look at this guy. This one's called My Cat is a Dick.

Watch this. Sees a bottle of water. Fuck you, I'm tipping that over and drinking it. Well, he must not be getting enough water. Doesn't give a fuck. Look. It's spring water. Doesn't like the fucking tap water. That's right, he wants good quality water. Should always give you kiddies.

All right, we almost done there, boss? Well, there's a few here that I think are good. Holy fuck, man. This one's pretty good. Fuck. Look at this guy. He's fucking... Look how tired this kitty is.

He looks like he's drugged. Better not be drugged. He could be all fucked up on catnip, though. Look at him. Oh, yeah, he's drugged. Then watch, he wakes up. Oh, what the fuck at him. Oh, yeah, he's drugged. Then watch, he wakes up, oh, what the fuck, I'm out.

No, he's just tired. He might have been playing. You know, he might have been playing outside, chasing mice or whatever. He's tuckered out. Great video, Bubs. White sand is actually fish shit. What?

Yeah, I was reading this thing that, you know, everyone goes in the white sand. Oh, white sandy beach, so beautiful. It's fish shit. No, it isn't, man. These fucking fish, they chew up coral, dead coral on the reef, and they shit it out, and then it washes up. Fish shit. Next time you're on a white sand beach, you're laying in fish shit.

Are you sure about that, man? Ricky, it's ground up rocks and stuff. It's fish shit, bud. All of it. I think so. Is. White. There's no way. Sand. Don't make me look stupid, Julian. Fish. Shit. Just let people believe it. It probably has fish shit mixed in with it.

I would think all sand probably would. Beach sand. Beaches made of fish poop. He's just being a fish poop. That's right. Okay. What? He's not right, is he? Is it the puffer fish? Some little fucking fish.

It's a parrot fish. Parrot fish. That's him. It ingests the coral's calcium carbon and poop owed up to 800 pounds of sand each year. One fish. One fish? That is fucked.

800 pounds of sand is quite a bit. It's not that much. It's bigger than this table. That's a lot of fucking sand. You're looking at the fish? It's like, you know, small fish. 800 pounds of it. How many pounds do you create?

Why would you even think of something like that? You shit sand? No, man. I've seen you shit sand. No, I haven't. What are you talking about? Black sand. Black sand.

Ricky. That's a good band name, Black Sand. I might start a band called Black Sand. All right, there's a picture of the pear fish, man. But all the sand is not made of that. Look at the chompers on that cocksucker. What a nice-looking fish. He's got a little goatee and shit.

He's handsome. Imagine being a nice-looking fish. He looks like Julian. He doesn't look like me. You fuck, Julian. Julian fish. He doesn't bust. If Julian was in Finding Nemo, that's what he'd look like.

Except he'd have big muscular fins. Did you pick a winner? Um, there's about 30 more here to watch. Oh my fuck, we can't do that right now, man. No? You're gonna have to watch them and pick a winner on your own. Well, I don't know, what do you guys think?

I mean. Bobs, I don't care. You know what, the best one there is the fucking cat that opened the drawer like that just pulled it open just wait smart that's smart man watch this one watch this one this kitty can catch wow jesus grabbed it right out of here these paws are like watch this super reflex watch this one did he get it?

Got it right in his mouth. He should fucking play baseball. All right, that one's pretty cool, too. Should he win? That's pretty good. I've never seen a cat do that before. All right, whatever you think, man. I don't care.

Really, bud. Well, let's just recap. We've got... Pull my hand down and give me rubs. We've got... Kitty opens the drawer. Which I thought was pretty cool. To get his treats out. We've got jumping from the box to the bag. And then if you watch the whole two-minute clip, he jumps back, which is pretty impressive. Then we've got cat fucking with

bubbles. Then we've got cat catching treats in slow motion. Then we've got cat catching treats slow motion then we've got kitty knocks over water bottle that's fucking decent and what else we got belly work and kitty all fucked up on his back i think it's down to i mean this is very exciting I think it's down to Kitty opens drawer and Kitty pulls hand down. And Kitty catches treats. Flip a fucking coin. It's hard, boys. Flip a coin. Moving on.

Moving on, man. Moving on. It's a tie. Okay, I'm going to say Kitty of the week this week, just based on sheer talent, is Kitty opening the drawer. Kitty opening the drawer, getting his treats out. That's what I thought. Excuse me. He's pretty decent.

I don't know, though. Let me just think about this. Bob, you picked the winner. You can't go back now. Fucking renege. One catch in the treats. They're all excellent anyway. Well, there could only be one, right?

Send in your submissions for next week. To what? I forget. Swearinat.com. Blog.swearinat.com slash kitty. Blob? Blog, Ricky. Do you know what a fucking blog is? Not a clue. Is it like a log? It's a blog. B slash kitty. Blob? Blog, Ricky. Do you know what a fucking blog is?

Not a clue. Is it like a log? It's a blog. B-log. Fuck's sakes. It's a B-log. Tell me something. Why haven't they been able to come up with a cure for the fucking cold?

Huh? Because there's thousands of strains of the fucking cold. But there's got to be something they could do, man. This is fucked. There's over a thousand strains of the common cold. You never catch the same cold twice. Did you know that? So if you have a cold over, like, 1,200 times, no more colds.

You've had them all. Collect the whole sack. That must be why I don't get sick. Got them all. Ricky, you haven't had 1,200 colds. I've had over 1,000 for sure. No, you haven't. Ricky, you get a couple colds a year, and you're only fucking, you know...

Well... You're not 500 years old. I don't know. You haven't had 1,200 colds in the past. Let's talk about this tomorrow. Okay. Looking forward to it. All right.

Can I join in the conversation? That's going to be a great conversation. Wow. What time would you like to get together, Ricky? Should we have some espressos and some biscotti? I would say early afternoon. Maybe some form of a lunch. All right.

Here, Ricky, pull my finger. Are you going to fart? No, it's just I need to crack my knuckle. Oh. There we go. That was kind of weird. Weird? I needed my knuckle cracked.

That was a weird one. Do you usually ask people to pull things on you? Like, just go up to some guy, say, hey, can you pull on this? Hey, pull my ass. Don't ask your mother, though. You're getting the mother's jokes, eh? You guys hear about that fuck up at the funeral home? That was a bad one. No, man. The mother's jokes, eh? You guys hear about that fuck-up at the funeral home? That was a bad one.

No, man. What happened at the funeral home? Funeral hole? Is it a funeral hole or a funeral... It's a funeral home, Ricky. Okay, that's what I thought. It's not a funeral hole. Well, they put you in a hole, so it makes sense.

That's the burial hole, it's called. The funeral home. Like, why are they called the funeral home? Because it's usually a funeral home. It's call it the funeral home because it's usually a funeral home He's usually in a fucking home a house, but they don't do that anymore. It's in a funeral fucking building Well, there's still lots of funeral homes around I Don't think this should call it at home unless there's fucking creepy anyway, no matter where they put it Well anyway, this one fucked up pretty bad.

The fucking relatives went up to their, what do you call it? Their dead person? Yeah, what is that called? The deceased? Yeah, I know, I know, but when you go up to see... Yeah, is that what it is? It's a wake. You go up and say your goodbyes.

Well, it's the wrong body in her clothes. I'm not trying to laugh. It's just a big fuck-up. That's, what? So wait, the funeral home put the wrong clothes on the wrong person? They put the right clothes on the wrong body. And rolled it into the room with the family. Yeah.

So then they said, that's not her. Oh, my God. So they went back and got another body, put the clothes on that, rolled it, still the wrong body. So then... They need some inventory control. Here's the worst part. It gets worse? Oh, majorly worse. They cremated the real body.

Oh, man. So the family didn't get to say goodbye to their loved one. Ooh. Well, they can still say goodbye to the fucking ashes. That's what people do. It's not quite the same, Julian. Well, it's a pretty big fuck-up. You go to a wake and there's like an urn there with the ashes in it, you still say, Yeah, but those people asked for that to happen.

Well... You don't go to a funeral expecting to see your fucking... But guess what? They're fucking dead, so who cares? What are they going to do? Come back and haunt you? But some people like to say goodbye it'd be nice to be able to you know shake the person take out a fucking picture and put it

on the urn say see you later so you don't think this fuck up is that big of a deal then i think i agree rick you know what huge i think it's probably a good thing because now they can sue the fucking funeral home for millions of dollars. I would be suing them. Totally fuck up. You know, if you died and that happened, I'm suing. Can you imagine the conversation when Buddy's got to come out when he realizes, um, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, could we speak to you just for one moment?

I don't want to tell you that. Um, there's been a little bit of a mix-up, and we burned Charlie. We incinerated him into ashes. Here he is. Oops. Here he is, though. He's looking great. And we're gonna throw in the urn for free. Beautiful urn. Look at that urn.

Oh, I'd be saying, fucking lawyer up, motherfucker. Yeah. I am suing you for $20. Oh, I can feel my mental trauma developing. See, that might be a good scam. That's a great fucking scam. Julian, don't start cooking bodies. Well, just for people that know, you know,

if someone dies, I guess a family member that's dead, we could go switch roles. So how would you run this fucking scam? You'd have to break into the funeral home at night, switch the bodies. Yeah. You'd have to know the people. You'd have to know the family. you'd have to know the family and

split the money with them exactly i'm going to break into the funeral home and the funeral home is going to accidentally incinerate your loved one and then together we'll sue them and split the money live happily happily ever after i see just it makes me jealous how good your brain works sometimes julian thank you oh you think that's a good idea it's a fucking great idea i never Fuck. I see. It makes me jealous how good your brain works sometimes, Julian. Thank you. Oh, you think that's a good idea? That's a fucking great idea. I would never have thought of that.

People are going to start doing it more often, man. Wait and see. There'll be stories coming up next week. People are making millions. Guess what? If you get caught breaking into the funeral home, you know what they're going to accuse you of doing? What?

Doing it with the daddies. What do they call daddies what do they call that yeah what do they call that what doing it with a daddy yeah i don't know it's something people are right some people are tripping as well as i can hear him whisper but i can't really hear what he's saying necrophilia necrophilia there'scrophilia. Necrophilia. There's some sick fucks out there that are big time into it. Yeah. Necromancer. The Necromancer.

Necromancer. The Necromancer. Jesus Christ. Creepy. Oh, hey, do you guys want to play Name That Sound? We could, I guess. Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Remember how fun that was?

Did I win? Lots of fun. Okay, here's one. Don't look, don't look. I'm not looking. Here, I'll get my ring back here so that you can't. Bob, so we're not going to fucking look. You're going to look.

You're fucking cheating. I would. Constantly cheating. I didn't hear anything. This way. I'm trying to make it work. Oh, it's fucking up on me. Was that it?

No, just wait, Ricky. Here, let me try this one. You son of a whore. Why is it saying it can't be previewed? Oh, my fuck. Just wait. I'm getting annoyed again. Just wait. I'll just download it. Ah!

Oh, here's another good idea. German schools use sand-filled vests to calm down hyperactive children. Sand-filled what? That you fucking put a weighted fucking vest on these kids, like ADHD or whatever. Yeah. It compresses. Chill some out, man.

That sounded like Phil Collins. That did sound like Phil Collins. It was Phil Collins. No, it wasn't, was it? That's Phil when he shot nebulized mackerel juice on me. Nobody else can fucking... Jesus. Nobody else can fucking belch like that.

Fuck, man, he could belch. Remember Phil when he used to rip those fucking... All right, we both got that one. The smell, man. Batting 1,000. Yeah, you can just smell the mackerel. Jesus, it used to be awful. Fuck, he liked mackerel.

He did. He was unusually fond of mackerel. Mackerel and onions, man. And bacon. And bacon. Oh, yeah, he used to get hurt. He used to say the smell of bacon was sexual. It was a sexual thing for him, yeah, he used to get hurt. He used to say the smell of bacon was sexual. It was a sexual thing for him.

Yeah, he used to get... Remember, he used to get a rat whenever there'd be bacon cooking. I think that's pretty normal, isn't it? That's not normal, man. My computer is completely fucked up. Are you waking up every morning to watch Phil make bacon there, bubs?

No. Bullshit. What the fuck are you doing, hiding? I'm trying to figure out. I got really messed up here. Just wait. There we go. Fuck.

Okay, now let's see if this one will play for me. I hope it does quickly. Here, you're going to know what this one is, I bet, Ricky. Okay. I bet Ricky's going to know what this one is, I bet, Ricky. Okay. I bet Ricky's gonna know what this one is. Give me some love. Come on, baby. Pops, you've got four seconds before I punch you in the fucking head.

It's not open. Two, one. Ricky, don't punch me. Here, open. Fuck. Boop. Was that it? It was a beep.

Wait, just wait. Oh, man. Come on, baby. Man ruptures his throat by stifling a strong sneeze. See, I do that. Don't do it again. I gotta fucking wash myself. You fucking blew his throat apart.

Oh, fuck's sakes. That's not what I want. That's a little ACDC throat apart. Oh, fuck's sakes. That's not what I want. That's a little ACDC, bud. Oh, yeah. Oh, bud. You know what that is. That's ACDC. That's not what I was trying to play, though.

Clearly. All right, let's play a new game. This sucks, man. One that works. This way, it's just not working. Fuck's sucks, man. One that works. Just wait. It's just not working. Fuck's sakes. I got my computer all fucked up. You guys just talk amongst yourselves.

Did you hear about that fucking guy that he only ate raw fish or some shit, or he was a sushi fanatic, and he got a fucking little worm popped out of his eyes? No. Yeah, a five-footer. A five-foot tapeworm. That's a huge worm. No shit. Five-foot tapeworm hanging That's a huge worm. No shit. Five-foot tapeworm hanging out of his hair.

What the fuck would you do with that thing now? Well, same thing I had to do with mine. What did you do? You gotta kill it. Because they fuck with you. Remember the fucking thing I had? I was eating my pepperoni. Yeah, but with tapeworms, can't you just like fucking rip it in half?

It'll just keep going. I think it makes more then. Ricky. You probably still have a tape wire, man. I had to get rid of the fucking thing. It was eating everything I was eating. Ricky, let's... Started stealing my joints?

Yes, it did. Oh, what is going on here? I don't even know how to work this. I give up on that. Can't work my computer. I don't really have much left else to talk about. One thing was a beautiful story out of Maine. What? This, all these people, they raised money to restore a frostbitten cancer pony penis. A what?

This 15-year-old pony, he has cancer. Nice little fella. He's got cancer. He's got cancer. He's got cancer. He's got cancer. He's got cancer. He's got cancer. cancer pony penis. A what? This 15-year-old pony, he has cancer. Nice little fella. And he,

his penis had a bit of cancer on it and then it got frostbitten. What? It's true. And then part of it snapped off during an examination. So rather than eucalyzing him, they raised some money, and they're going to restore his penis.

What the fuck, man? Are you kidding me? I think it's a beautiful story. They're going to restore his penis. Yep, to mint condition. Just hang on. Walk me through this again. He's a donkey.

Pony. And that doesn't make sense, because I thought a pony was a baby horse. This one's 15. Something's not adding up. And it had cock cancer. Yeah, I think it just says general cancer. General cancer or general cancer? I don't know.

Cancer or something. Part of his penis had a bit of cancer, I think. Just a little bit of cancer. Then he was left in these really cold temperatures. Got a frostbitten cock. And then when they went to examine it, part of it just snapped off. Like you'd break a piece of ice off, I guess. So rather than eucanize him, they're restoring his penis.

They raised four grand. It's a beautiful story. Here's a question for you. Save the pony's life and his penis. This beloved fucking pony that had cancer that everybody cared about, why the fuck did he leave a fucking pony with cancer out in the cold to get frostbite? It must have been one of those sudden cold winds that blow in. No, man, they don't give a fuck.

Those people are all fucked. Yeah, you shouldn't be leaving your pony out. Put a bullet in the fucking pony's head, man. That's the modem. It's early internet. It's the internet. It's probably C-3PO taking a shit or something like that. It's a big wind at the end.

RTDT? I know I know that robot. And then listen to this. It's a fucking messy one. You think that's R2-D2 having a shit? It's a robot doing something. It's not a fucking robot. He had it. That's the old dial-up internet. Remember that?

Oh, like I'm supposed to fucking know what that is. Well, most people do, Ricky. I mean, most people our age. Young people wouldn't have a fucking clue what that sound is. When you used to take the telephone and put it in the modem and it would do it by sound. That was decent back then. Alright, is that it? Well, let me just see if I can find one more. Oh, that was where I was thinking of puffer fish.

Where? Dolphins get high by chewing on puffer fish. What in the fuck are you talking about? I knew that dolphins got high. I fucking knew it from early on. What are you talking about? They chew on puffer fish. It makes them high as fuck.

That's why. Clearly, it makes sense. Why would a dolphin otherwise just jump out of the water, do a little fucking corkscrewing? They're fucking high. Chasing boats. Oh, look at that fucking boat thing in there. I'm going to go jump through that fucking thing.

Baked. I've got to go get some hands on some puffer fish and see what it does to you. No, Ricky, you will die if you chew on them. It's poisonous. Well, how do they not die? I don't know. Puffer fish nerve toxins.

Yeah, but Ricky, they're not in every ocean, are they? Oh, listen, they're carefully chewing and passing them around. That's cool. Like a toke. Just like a joint. Is this real? Dolph, it's my new favorite animal.

So he chews on it just enough to get high, and then he passes it to his buddy? Yep. Then they go swimming and do lots of tricks, showing off. See, because if they chew it, if they eat the thing, they die. I'm telling you, you can't eat a puffer fish. They just chew it, get the... So they just get a little juice out of them, just like I'm...

Ooh, there, I'm baked. Oh, fuck, this is on camera somewhere. I got to go, man. I'm watching the shit out of this. I got to get a dolphin. This will be the next fucking thing. I got to get a dolphin. You'll be trying to either buy a dolphin or you'll be chewing on fucking puffer fish.

Can you keep a dolphin in an aquarium? No, man. Like a mini one? No, it'd have to be a huge one like Marineland. Marineland? I have boys. Fuck off, bubs. Marineland. Next time you want to get on a plane, this is a piece of advice for people out there.

Everyone loves Marineland. Incorrect. Everyone fucking hates Marineland because they're a bunch of torturous cocksuckers and they shouldn't, they should just let the animals go. Marine Land might send out a fucking band of people to kill you now. Marine Land can suck it. Alright, you could be dead by 8am. Whatever. Marine Land snipers. Oh yeah, I'm fucking scared that

fucking dolphin snipers are going to come after me. Next time you get on a plane and you don't want to pay for baggage, you just wear all your clothes? Doesn't work. Well, this guy tried it. It almost worked. Doesn't work? They won't let you on the plane because you're too bundled up, you look like a big sausage, and they think you've got bombs on you.

Or drugs. Or drugs, or they think you're fucked in the head and you're gonna go crazy on the plane. Did you ever say the word bomb in an airport for fun before? Ricky... You don't say things like that in an airport, man. You sarcastically said it that one time and you fucking... How many hours were you in the thing? It was a while. Missed the fucking flight. That sucked.

Were you on that? Were you there? Yes, I was there. It was that little Simon game that I had. I put it in the thing and the guy goes, watch this, Rick goes, it's a ball. Very stupid thing to say. Fuck. I thought it was ridiculous to, you know.

People are fucking dumb. Why can't you say the word ball? You know what, I gotta go. I gotta get some straight rum or something in me and, you know, try to get rid of this fucking gold. Alright, Julian. Since there's no fucking cure. How about a paralyzer? I'd fuck with some paralyzers. Paralyzers are good, man.

Paralyzers with some vitamin C. Okay, so, next week can we do something more fun? If I'm feeling better, we're going to be fucking celebrating, believe me. We've got to have more Kitty of the Weeks. Nope. Blog.SquareNet.com slash kitty. Fuck Jesus. Send in your kitty videos.

Lots of kitty videos. Go to fucking TrailerPrepBoys.com and get some merch, right? Buy some merch, please. Oh, you're just... I need some fucking cold medicine. I need money. I think vitamin D12, isn't it? You're supposed to take?

D12 is not a vitamin, Ricky. B12. No, not that one. Vitamin D. One of the Ds. And C. I think it's D11 or D12. My God, he's got his own set of vitamins.

B12 is from bingo. Hmm. All right. Out of here. That's a jack rap. What's that mean? That's what they say when you're done. That's a jack rap?

That's a they say. When you're done. That's a jack rap? That's a jack rap.