Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 13 - Helium Hotbox Dope & Liquor Pizza Laser Party

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

Julian is desperate to make some scrilla - can he make money flexing his sexy muscles online? Ricky's got some f**ked facts, Bubbles sings Kenny Rogers, and Ricky reads a bedtime story that is definitely NOT for kids!!

Boys! What, Puss? Come on, I'm fuckin' lacquered. Just thinkin', man, I'm thinkin' here. About what? Just, uh, online. That's what I'm thinkin' about. Fuckin' online shit. You know, you you can sell. Well, I'm on the liquor, and I want to do this now. Do you know how to make a website, right? Just something simple?

Obviously. Throw some shit up that you can sell? I've made some of the best ones you've ever been a part of. Because that's what we've got to do. For what? To sell. People are making money. They buy shit, like, real cheap, and they jack it up a bit and fucking sell it.

Oh, that's a new concept, is it? You come up with that? It's called capitalism. If we fucking, who cares? Like this. See these things here? You fucking make like a mask with that that looks like these ear things? Money.

You're so fucked. You're fucked. Just keep drinking, bubs. I am? Keep drinking. Ricky! You get drunk every day, bud. Wake him up.

Ricky! He's awake. What? Come on! Perk after dark. It's not dark anymore, so... And we're in the park, so... What are you laughing about?

I was just reading Moe's book. The fuck is this thing? It's a fucking vacuum cleaner. It's part of the vacuum cleaner. It's the little portable guy. Why? You're not making a... How old is this thing? Is this like fucking antique shit? Yes. It's full of mold. Betcha we could sell that, man.

For what? Like 25 bucks. Why are you... People are fucked. They're like the tree hugger people and shit. This is what they buy. Why are you on a big selling spree? How much are you making these days, huh? I gotta take this fucking thing off. Ricky, don't be yelling. That's when the particles blast.

I know. I've been trying to practice because it's driving me nuts that we've got to wear these everywhere now. I fucking hate it. I know, but when you get angry and start yelling, that's when you blast the particles out of yourself. You're blasting the corona all over the place. Fuck. Would you put down his

fucking stairspan? You're not selling any of my shit. You know what? Go to your own trailer. We could have a yard sale. Yeah, for me. We go find a nice house where there's nobody home. I'm doing a six-legged table out of that, so don't fuck around. Okay, well there's fucking... I can take half then. No.

No, I mean... There's two six-legged tables. Obviously. Fuck. Boys. I need money. Well, I mean, you're sitting on the biggest ass that anybody, any of us have. What, his ass?

Those big muscles. Yeah, Bob's, fuck off. You know what I mean? You start selling that body online. Selling my body online? On a chat cam. Shut up, man. Holy fuck.

If you, if I could set up a website where fellas were paying you money to flex, would you do it? Schlong dangler. No, I wouldn't fucking do it. You wouldn't flex online. You don't even know who's watching you. It's just guys sending

you coins. I just want to go to a bar and not wear one of these. We're at a bar. We're at Ricky's bar right now. I'm drinking at Ricky's bar. Like, going to a strip club and strippers wearing masks? Yeah, no shit. It's just not the same.

Strippers don't wear masks, do they? Yeah, they do, man. Where? Well... They... Bob's, come on. Come on, just saying. Whoo!

I love Mommy so much, she's my favorite cutie. And tonight, I would like a piece of that booty. What is this, Ricky? Don't ask for milk or help with your socks, because nobody likes a cock block. What the fuck is this, Ricky? Nobody likes a cock block. It's like a cat's block.

It's fucking great. Mo loves it. Where did you get this? Some of the pictures are wicked. Like look at these frogs teeing off on each other. Where is it? You don't want to fucking be reading shit like this to Mo, man. Gimme that.

Frogs are doing it. Rick, you don't fucking read shit like this to Mo, man. He's too young. What's Mo saying about this? Huh? About what? About two fucking frogs teeing off on each other. I just said the daddy frog's hugging mommy frog.

He doesn't know that there's cocks inside her. Because nobody likes a cock block. So what does he say? Grampy, what's a cock block? Just when somebody's blocking you from hugging your girl. Jesus. The train's leaving the station. It's about to go down.

Fuck. What does that mean? Someone's going down. My ticket is stamped for a trip to pound town. Fuck. What does that mean? Someone's going down. My ticket is stamped for a trip to Pound Town. Rick, man. Fuck, you think... Come on. That's fucked.

Ricky. I don't understand where you even got it. You didn't get it at... Here, give it back. Your job is to sleep like the heaviest rock. Darling, nobody

likes a cock block. You're like the squirrels trying to team up. The squirrels are doing anal. Oh, is that the one where... Ricky, man. ...talking about blowing me. That's not a book for kids, Ricky, obviously. Daddy worked all day long.

He's tired and lonely. There's a small, small, small chance that your mother might blow me. So what does Mo say about that? What does a blow, what does that mean, Randy? He knows what a blow is. God, he's six now. And he knows what a blow job is.

Didn't you? No. No, man. Did you? Probably. I don't know. Frankie, you can't. Oh, my God.

Okay. Did we say at the beginning, welcome, all that? I can't know. Ricky, you can't... Oh my God. Okay. Did we say in the beginning welcome, all that? I can't remember. I don't think we did. Welcome to Perk After Dark. I'm your host, Bobble Strabak. Oh, we got some OMG facts here. Oh baby. In 75% of American households, the women manage the money and pay the bills.

Yeah, and that's probably the way it should be because they're fucking smarter than us. Yep. Right? If you had a smart lady that was managing your affairs and your money, you'd probably be rich. Well, you'd have to find a- You guys blow it on drugs and booze. I wouldn't say blow it.

I think that's a very good thing to purchase. Do you know how hard it is to fucking find a woman like that that doesn't care about going to jail for a week or two if she had to? Very difficult. Well, I'm not saying you need to find a criminal girlfriend. I'm saying find one- Well, I'm not saying you need to find a criminal girlfriend. I'm saying find one who doesn't go to jail that says,

hey, instead of investing your money in criminal activity, why don't we get a RRSP or whatever the fuck they're called. Did you read his profile

on the dating site? I mean, he's not going to meet anybody great. I didn't even know you were on a dating site. Which one are you on? He likes to meet anybody great. I didn't even know you were on a dating site. Which one are you on? He likes to take long walks. I didn't say that.

He likes to hold hands. No, no. He wants to meet someone who wants to hold hands in public. I said I like to fucking mix up a drink and go for a walk every now and then. And I don't mind holding hands if I'm with the right woman. He likes big dogs. Big dogs? I said with the right woman. He likes big dogs. If they... I said, if you have a dog, I like dogs.

I'm stud into snakes and fucking reptiles. He likes to eat at fancy restaurants. You did not say that in your profile. I do. What happens if she says, yeah, let's go to... The fancy French place? Then I'll fucking go and I'll try something on there. Then the bill comes and it's $600 and the waiter goes like that.

Then what happens? Then you figure it out real quick. And you say, run! I say, no. Yeah, got to go to the bathroom, clean up, wash our hands before we leave, and then I'll meet you up front. I do the same thing, and then I go up front a little while later,

and there we go, good date. Why? Nothing. But I, obviously I wouldn't let that fucking happen, Bob, so I'm not gonna go somewhere and eat 600 bucks worth of food. He said he'd like to spend his retirement on the water. He's gonna buy a boat. I'm not gonna go somewhere and eat 600 bucks worth of food. He said he'd like to spend his retirement on the water.

He's gonna buy a boat. Yes I am. I'm gonna buy a houseboat. What? A houseboat. Did you see the fucking houseboats in like BC? Check those fuckers out. Why don't we take this trailer and put pontoons under it? I like it. Keep going.

Put pontoons. Ricky, you get old pontoon boats that people throw away. You cut the pontoons off them. Put about 50 pontoons under this. Drop her in the water. And if you go out far enough, Ricky, there's no laws that can touch you. Put a big 250. You're your own country, basically, right?

Twin 250s on the back. That'd be wicked. See? Twin 250s. You want to go downtown and eat? We get in the trailer. What would you do with the frame? You'd have to spray it with what? I mean, there's that rubber shit that you see on TV, the guy that sprays the door.

Flex seal. Yeah, but you'd want what? Fiberglass or some kind of a shit? No, flex seal would be fine. So just get a bunch of flex seal under the trailer. Flex tape. Use flex tape, flex No, flex seal would be fine. So just get a bunch of flex seal under the trailer. Flex tape. Use flex tape, flex seal,

flex spray, flex paint, and flex whatever else they make. We're going to have to have a folding down step. It's the only thing. Draw a bridge. That's easy, man. That's fucking easy.

Very easy. I could put a draw bridge on, no problem, Ricky. You basically just take the hinges off the door and put them at the bottom. What do we use as pontoons? Pontoons. We could steal them off people's wharfs. People have those docks, the floating dock things.

Just go cut all the docks off the lake. Suck me off real slow. This is not true. What? Maybe I'm missing something. If you were able to put Saturn in water, it would float. Really?

Is that true? Well, it must be, Ricky, if it's in there. How? They don't mean like a Saturn, the automobile. No, they mean the planet. Saturn, probably. You'd need a pretty big cup of water. No, well, you would. You'd never get a, you know, thing big.

You would on some big planet with an ocean. How would it float, though? Is it made out of fiberglass? No, it would have gases inside it. Gases that are acting as buoyant, lighter-than-air gases. Right? You know, like if you have a ball this big and you shoot helium into it, she's going to float.

She's going to talk funny, too. How do you talk when you have helium in you? Up. No, but can you have helium in you? Up. No, but can you do it? Remember? Remember last time we did it? What, you were singing? No.

You don't? No, what happened? You were doing the chipmunks, remember? You were singing the Billy Joel stuff? Oh, yeah. I don't remember. I forget how the words go though. You were singing um, what's Billy Joel's biggest song?

Ricky was singing it and strutting around. You may be right. That was it. You may be crazy. But I just may be a little bit you're looking for. Turn out the lights. Don't try to say. I'm just a little bit crazy.

I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. I'm just a little bit crazy. Maybe a lunatic you're looking for. Turn out the lights. Don't try to save me. Yep, belly jaw.

I wonder if belly jaw... I wish we had some helium. I wish we did, too. We should have a helium party. We should. We should have one. We should do one of these with lots of helium. A helium hotbox party. It's got a nice ring to it.

A helium hotbox laser party. And dope. I've got lasers. Dope, liquor, helium, hotbox, laser party. Let's make up the cards. We can order some fucking pizza, too. All right, that's fucked up. What's that?

I didn't expect that to be real. A helium hotbox, dope and liquor, pizza laser party. Who wouldn't go to that? Oh, fuck, I'm all over it. I'd fuck it, yeah. When can we have it? Soon. A retired California high school teacher admitted that he taught for 17 years while being...

I-li-terate. Illiterate. Illiterate. What does that mean? That's kind of... Who was illiterate? A high school teacher? Yeah, taught for 17 years. Taught for 17 years and he's illiterate.

Does that mean he can't see? No, he got blind. Illiterate, he can't... What is illiterate? Can't mean he can't see? No, he's blind. Illiterate, he can't. What is illiterate? Can't read and write? Yeah. Wow. Or is it just can't read?

I think it's just can't read. That is dumb. Well, the writing isn't going to be that great if he can't fucking read. So how do you get to be getting a teacher? Like, how would you do the testing? I don't know. Fucking ABC answers, multiple choice choice is that what it is get away with it man what a you know what that's a good point and become teachers boys

oh sassy the average american eats about 200 sandwiches per year. 200 sandwiches? Does that include subs? Submarine sandwich, yeah, it does. I think it would. I can believe it, man. 200, that's like one every couple days. Wish we had a fucking sub right now. The sales of Shawarmae skyrocketed soon after the release of Marvel's

The Avengers. What the fuck is a shawarma? Shawarma? What? What is that? You gotta read that, Bob. I have no idea

what the fuck he's talking about. Usually you can figure it out. Sales of shawarma skyrocketed soon after the release of Marvel's The Avengers. They had shawarmas in there? I don't know. So these shawarmas in there? I don't know.

So there's these shawarmas. There must have been a scene where they're fucking pigging out, man, on shawarmas. Tasmania has the cleanest air in the inhabited world. Wow. Who does? Tasmania. Tasmania, because the devil's down there

scaring people, keeping them in their houses. What's the deal on the Tasmanian devil? I want to learn something better than he does. It's an animal, right? Tasmanian devil? Yeah, I think it's just a... It's like a crazy fucking rodent type thing? I think it's a sex movie.

Mother does. The Tasmanian devil! Get it? No, man. Look it up. See what a Tasmanian... He spins around a fucking... No, man. Look it up. See what a cashman he is. He spins around a fucking... No, that's the cartoon guy.

This is how shitty of a thief you are, Julian. The greatest amount stolen from a bank is 71.3 million bucks. I thought it'd be a lot more than that. That's a fucking pretty good haul. Pull my finger. No. Oh, my fuck off. That can't be true, though.

This can't be true. The highest wave on record is 1,719 feet high. Holy fuck. What the fuck? Bullshit. Bullfucking shit. That's what this, unless it's the highest wave. When did that happen?

Holy fuck. Look it up on your fucking brain box. Show-off box. Highest wave. How many feet? 1,720. 1,700

foot wave? How many foot in the store? 10? Yeah, 10. The Q104, the old Q104 built in 17 stories. Yeah, a 10. What's that, like 100? The Q104, the old Q104. 170. 170 stories high. Yeah, man. No.

That can't be fucking possible. How many stories? No, more than 17, man. Way more. Oh, yeah. It's like 170. 170 stories, Rick. Holy fuck.

100 feet high. 1958, Alaska. How many feet? The Toya Bay. 100 feet high 1958 Alaska how many feet? the Toya Bay 100 feet man so they're fucking this is bullshit no this is OMG

oh that book that's the highest wave ever recorded when it fucking hit the shore man it snapped trees 1,700 feet upslope. What the fuck is he doing up there? Randy's got that fucking... He rented a loader thing. He doesn't know how to work it.

He can't fucking use the thing. He knocked down a telephone pole. Listen to him out there. What a fucking idiot. What's he trying to do with that thing anyway? He knocked down a telephone pole. Listen to him out there. He's a fucking idiot. Crashing around. What's he trying to do with that thing anyway? He said he's digging a hole to fix the sewer or something. Listen to him.

Crashing around. Yeah. Boys, I'm just... Just what? Just like zoning right out... How many days straight have you been drunk? I only started drinking this morning, but I think I'm high again. What did I eat now that probably had weed in it?

I don't remember making anything with weed this time. Could have been leftovers. Leftovers? Unless you had some of the popcorn with the weed butter on it. Every fucking time. I forgot about that. You couldn't see. You could pretty much see the little green flecks in it.

And there's a taste to it, man. It just doesn't taste like fucking butter, man. It's delicious. So am I again. Well, it looks that way. Great. Yeah, I'm hot too. It's nice. So's all mine again. Well, it looks that way. Great. Yeah, I'm hot too. It's nice. It's all mine, man.

There was a brewery in Alberta called Hell's Basement, and they recently named a beer product, Hoo-Roo Hoo-Roo. And in Kiwi, in Dagenus community, means pubic hair. What? What was the name of it?

Huru Huru? Huru Huru. Huru Huru. That means pubic hair. Yeah, it's a weird thing to name your beer. Ice cold Huroroo hooroo. You should go shave your hooroo hooroo. Yeah?

It's getting a bit mangled. That isn't, this is considered a beard, not pubes. Face pubes. I guess you can call them face pubes, but that's the same thing. Fucking Moe didn't want me to get rid of the beard. Face pubes. I guess you can call them face pubes, but that's the same thing. Fucking Mo didn't want me to get rid of the beard. He wants me to, he says my hair looks good long. I hate it.

It's fucked. I don't know what to tell you, man. God, that fucked. It's pretty fucked. Are you kidding me? This guy bought a fucking brand new Porsche down in Florida with a check he printed on a home computer. Are you kidding me? $139,000. You kidding me? 139 grand. And you can do that? You can do it.

Problem is, they got a picture of him with the car, leaving, boom. He got fucked. Because he's dumb. I might have a nap, boy. Right here, sitting up. Oh yeah? Yeah, right out of her. Right out of her now. I have a nap, boy. It's right here. Sitting up. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, right out of her. Right out of her now. Okay, we need to get a printer. Oh, fuck, yeah. What are we talking about? This is a weird one. This woman was in her kitchen. She sees this van pull up. A fucking guy jumps out and starts shitting in the garden.

What? Yeah. An Amazon delivery driver. There's a lot of fucking... What kind of drugs is he on? Do we know? I think he just had the shits, and he had no choice but to jump out. But she was pissed and called the cops. Oh, did you see that video that was on the Internet yesterday?

No. There's a guy, I don't know if they're in Russia or where they are, but it's just, they're filming the street, and this naked guy's walking down the street right in the middle. Cars are missing him. And then this one car pulls up, and he's standing there with his hands on his hips, back naked.

And the guy tries to go around him, but he's too close already, and the guy won't budge so he gets out and he walks up and he fucking cranks him what just cranks him out cold naked guy laying in the street on his back put him to sleep and then he just got his cards all the way so when you put into the search thing naked guys walking around the street that That's what came up first, or was there other things? No, I think I typed in... Typed in what? No, I didn't type in anything.

It just popped up. It just popped up. Okay. Naked guys walking around. Right now, type in naked guy knocked out with one punch. Maybe. So did you... That's what...

Okay. Naked guy knocked out with one punch. Naked guy knockout punch. Maybe. So did you... That's what... That's how... Okay. Naked guy knocked out with one punch. Naked guy knockout punch. So you search naked guys and punching. Is there any other naked fucking videos that you like? No, it just popped up. It was on the Twitter machine. And you're just going like this.

And then there it was. I wasn't searching for it. But it's probably online. Naked guy knocked out. I'm a lot more high than I thought I was. I'm Ricky. I'm telling you. I don't know.

I can barely fucking keep together after four or five seconds. I can't remember what I was saying. What the fuck's wrong with my TV? Oh, I was watching a space documentary. That's when I started. That's when I ate the popcorn. There's a video, bubs. I was getting ready to not see it.

How naked is he? Yeah, that's it. Did you, you probably thought, you had the one there where he wasn't blurred out at that, right? Oh, was he blurred out? Yeah, the one I had, he wasn't blurred out. Here we go, answer my question.

Watch this, so watch this now. So yeah, the guy, the car's pulling up and he's just standing. Watch this. So watch this now. So yeah, the guy, the car's pulling up and he's just standing there like this. Yeah, and now the guy tries

to go around it but can't. So, and the post said this is just a regular day in Russia or wherever. Wow.

He fucking, he stopped the wrong dude obviously because that guy fucking nailed him. That guy was a boxer or something, I'd say. Yeah, he got him right on the fucking chin. Anyway, I think don't walk around naked blocking cars, for sure.

Yeah. In that country. Well, it's Friday, August the 21st. It is? Somebody's birthday that you loved. I did? Yep. Friday, August 21st.

August 21st. Bionic Man. Close. Lee Majors? Close. Spider-Man. Are you fucking kidding me? No.

Bionic Man. Roy Schneider? Roy Schneider? Roy Schneider? He started a chicken franchise. The Colonel? Kenny Rogers. Kenny Rogers! He's dead, huh?

Yeah, Kenny passed away. That's what I thought. Why are you laughing? I thought you'd remember that he died. I totally forgot, man. Kenny Rogers just died not long ago. It was in March, wasn't it? Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, I was... Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I guess it's... I guess it's okay that you didn't know that. Hello! Oh no, sorry, that's not even... Kenny Rogers! That was Lionel Richie. Not even similar. They do look alike. No, they don't, Richie. Not that I like, man.

Kenny Rogers and Lionel Richie don't look alike. They don't even sound alike. They don't sound anything alike. It seems something. Maybe it's a nose or eyes. I don't know. Kenny Rogers doesn't look like Lionel Richie. Kenny Rogers can't dance on the ceiling, that's for sure.

No. You got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Do you think he did... Know when to get your shoulder going up and down. Do you think he knew what he was doing with the ladies? Kenny? Oh, Kenny did some... Kenny did some dirty stuff.

The ladies liked Kenny, didn't they? After the Gambler, he could probably... Oh, man. Take his pick. He was in that movie, too, right? The only male woman in the world. Yeah. I don't think Kenny was dating fellas, Ricky.

Oh. Kenny Rogers. Island's in the stream. Yeah. That is what we are. No one in between. How can we be home? Speaking of banging.

Sail away with me. Sexy Julian. And we rely on each other. Ha ha. Jesus. For fuck's sakes, man. Jesus. Who do you think has the world record for banging?

Kenny Rogers. He could, I guess. But somebody else's birthday to this. What do you mean? Doing, like, how many bangs in a row? Most partners. Oh, fuck. There's all kinds of...

Fuck. Scott Bale. Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt Chamberlain. It's his birthday today. Wilt Chamberlain, right. Wasn't he, like, 20,000? Something like that. Thatilt Chamberlain. Wilt Chamberlain. It's his birthday today. Wilt Chamberlain, right? Wasn't he like 20,000? Something like that.

That's what he said. But then when they did the math, it was like, Wilt. That had to be three, four, five a day, wasn't it? You would have had to bang four or five times a day for like, you know, many years. It's also Insane Bolt's birthday, the fast guy. Insane Bolt. He's fast. I think he just had a daughter and he named her Lightning or something. Lightning Bolt.

Lightning's a cool fucking handle. I think, look up Usain Bolt's daughter. He just had a baby and he named it something like that. It might have been Lightning or it might have been steel bolt. No. Steel bolt? It was something to do with a bolt. I believe her name's Lightning.

I get it now. It's a play on bolt. What did you think it was? I didn't know what you meant. Lightning bolt. I get it now. You didn't get it. No.

How do you not get that right away? Okay, using the bolt starter. Here we go. Did she just shoot right out when she was born? He took this one up even a notch higher than what you said. Is it even crazier than what you said? Olympia lightning bolt. Oh, right, Olympia.

She's like fucking right up there with the gods. She better hope she's not slow. Or was it Olympian? No, Olympia. Because he wants her to go to the Olympics, so Olympia, lightning bolt. I think that's fantastic. That's a great fucking name.

She's too good to be lazy. She's not going to be lazy. Which is a good thing. Don't look at me like that. She's lazy. She can probably already run faster than you and me put together. Imagine, she's got the, you know, he's like unbelievably fast and she's got the, she's younger, first of all,

although her legs wouldn't be nearly as long, I don't imagine. Doesn't she just got born? Yeah, so her legs, she wouldn't be that fast yet. No, but you never know. I bet you she's going to be fast. She's got great genetics, man. She's got the bolt. She's got the fucking genetics.

Bolt characteristics. I wish I could run that fast. Me too. I could be running all over town. Just zapping around town. Did you know there was a fucking tornado in Manitoba last week? I heard that. What the fuck?

A couple of people got killed. Yes, that sucks. Yeah, that's awful. I'm not supposed to get fucking to where he is. No, man. And there was a earthquake in North Carolina. What the fuck is going on? That's not supposed to happen, is it?

Not really. Not very common. Okay, boys. Fuck you, mask. Fuck you. Who wants to go down to the pier? I'm going fishing mackerel. Who wants to come? I'm going to wear my fucking mask.

You want to go fishing mackerel? Do I have to wear this fucking thing? Nope. No masks? No masks. I'm in. Can we bring liquor and dope? Yes, sir.

Mackerel fishing. Woo! We're going to get some lobsters and we're going to fucking hang out in front of the carnival that's there right now. A little fare, a little sell some. That's it. Tricking money for the week. I'm just going macro fishing. Well, we're selling whatever you catch.

Fine. Macro. Yep.