Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 130 - Gooses Are Smart

Episode Date: February 8, 2018

The Boys discuss Elon Musk’s flamethrower, Ricky figures he’d be a great air traffic controller, and Bubbles picks his Kitty of the Week. PLUS: It’s the debut of Julian’s “Muscle Person of the Week” contest, and Julian is NOT happy! Episode 130 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. We rolling? We roll on? Oh, man. Why is it the only thing that fixes a fucking hangover is more liquor? Science, Ricky. But it's also a weed over, man. We smoked way, way too much dope this week. And a brownie over.

Fucking Super Bowl. It's not a weed. It's still a hangover. But it's a weed over, man. But it's not called a liquor over. The Super Bowl party needs to end. It's been, what, five weeks? I'm declaring the Super Bowl party ending right now. It needs to. Five fucking days is a lot.

Because we've got to move into the Valentine's party. Oh, fuck. When does that start? It's coming up, and I've got my valentines all ready to go. Who are you giving the valentines to this year? None of your beeswax. Who is it, Bob's? Come on. None of your beeswax.

What's your name? There's some ladies down at the Legion. You've got a fancy haircut going on, too. Is that for valentines? I might have did that for valentines. So much fucking going all out. I cut my own hair, but I missed a big chunk back here. I can feel it. Feel that chunk, Ricky? I can feel it. Feel that chunk, Ricky? I can see it.

Somebody needs to cut that off. I'll take care of it. Yeah, I'll fucking deal with that right after the show. Anything to get you laid, buddy. That's what I say. I don't cut my hair to do that. I cut my hair to be presentable. Resentable?

Presentable, Ricky, to present a good image. Presentable. Presentable. Like you're a to present a good image. Presentable. Presentable. Like you're a present. Yeah. Present for somebody. Hmm. All right.

Some lucky lady. Wrap me up and undo me. So what's going down next week? Oh, I don't know. Once I give up my Valentine's, we'll see. Fucking love Valentine's Day. OK, we do another podcast next week. When's Valentine's? Before it or after it?

It's a date. We need a calendar. Valentine's. What day is today? The 9th? February 16th is Valentine's this year, isn't it? No, it's always the 14th. So it'll be in between this one and the next one.

Okay, so next podcast is all about him and what he did with his lady friend. Every detail of your day. No, it's not. Yes, it is, man. It is not. Can't wait. Okay, welcome. Can't wait.

Welcome to the podcast. All right, want me to get this going? See if you can. All right, what's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. Episode 130. It is February the 9th. February 9th.

Here we go. Suck it, bubs. Episode 130. February 9th. For people that speak English. Ricky, you're hammered. There's a silent R. Never heard of a silent R.

I guess it is, though. There's lots of silent Rs. Really? Yes. And silent Ps as well. Lots of silent Ps. Silent Ps? Silent P, yeah.

Pneumonia? Pneumonia. Silent? There's a P. You know how to spell pneumonia, Ricky? No. It starts with a P. That's fucked.

Why? Dumb. Just to fuck people up. You've got to have words that people can't spell. Let's throw a fucking P in there for no goddamn reason. Fuck off. It is a good point. Why the fuck is there a P on there?

At this point, can't we just change it so that it sounds and spells normally? Why isn't it just spelled N-E-W-monia? There you go. New-monia. Then everybody in the world could spell it. I can answer my own question, Ricky. It's because the etymology of the word comes from another language,

where the P and the N... Um, same as wedness day? Okay, fuck off. How'd they make that happen? What? Wedness day. Oh, D, you mean. Yeah, the D.

There's no D in there. There shouldn't be. It's a silent D. Is that what it is? There's all kinds of fuckery in that word. Wednesday. Wed-niz-day. It should be W-H-E-N-S-D-A-Y.

W-E-N-S-D-A-Y. Wednesday. It kind of makes sense when you think about it. Why have all these extra letters you don't need? Another one. In this day and age. Another one, weather and weather. There's an H, W-H.

Well, that's to distinguish between two completely different meanings. I get that. No, but it was W-E-T-H-E-R and W-E-A-T-H-E-R. Well, yeah, you don't need the H. You don't need the H. You don't need the H. What the fuck's the H there for? Well, some people do pronounce it. Whether or not you believe it.

I'd like to fucking find out how many trees have been killed for wasted letters. There's got to be a statistic out there somewhere. There's got to be. You mean for the extra printing it takes? Yeah. I don't...

You add up all those extra letters. Watch this, watch this. Ricky, there's silent... You've seen... There's silent numbers, too, which is weird. Yeah. How does that work? There's, you know, like, words that have numbers in them that are silent.

Like, uh... Like, you know, the word popcorn? Yeah. Popcorn is actually spelled P-O-P-C-O-R-N, sex. And the sex is silent. What's the six for? It's just in there. But it's silent. Fuck. I don't remember ever seeing that.

Maybe you don't see it either. Maybe it's silent and you don't see it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Maybe you don't see it either. Maybe it's silent and you don't see it. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's a silent, invisible sex. And that Orville guy, he created the word popcorn. Just to fuck with you a little more.

Yeah, he's a funny guy, man, that Orville guy. Orville Reddencock. Yeah. He created the word popcorn with the six letters. Slammed his bird in a drawer by accident. That was a different guy. accident changed his name to orville red and cocker he makes cock corn ricky ricky you smell like liquor i wrote a word here and i don't know what it means flame huh that's it no other note just wrote flame? Flame, yeah. Think about it. Fucking drugs.

Why would you have written that? Oh! Were you burning something? No, it was about that flamethrower. Oh, man. What flamethrower? Oh, Elon Musk's flamethrower? Whatever the fuck his name is.

Yeah, that thing's cool. He builds all kinds of crazy shit. Rockets and electric things. Yeah, he built that. And he digs holes. He does dig holes. Tunnels. He's got a that. And he digs holes. He does dig holes, tunnels. He's got a company called the Boring Company now. Which means two different things, doesn't it?

Yeah, I mean, I think he did it as a joke. You know, it's the Boring Company and they bore holes in the earth, but then it's like a play on words. Oh, our company's boring. It's boring because it's so fucking small to him. It's like couch potatoes. Is that your stomach?

That's my stomach. The only thing that's been getting in there is liquor, brownies, and smoke. Smoke doesn't go in your stomach, Ricky. Well, probably with you it does because you swallow your smoke. I have seen him smoke a whole cigarette in church and takes a drag swallows it and the smoke never comes out of them it just stays in there oh yeah and gets absorbed through osmosis or something these fucking flamethrowers i gotta get one though just for light and fire it's sold out he sold every one of them and you're not getting one

anyway you'd be a fucking nightmare with one of those things. One of the people that don't know, maybe we can put up a picture of the Elon Musk. For people that don't know, Elon Musk is the guy that owns Tesla. Or no, not Cobra. Boring. Tesla and SpaceX. He builds rockets that go up

and deliver stuff to the space station. He owns the Tesla car company and the power company. Isn't he sending one of his cars to Mars? Yes, I believe he is. Now he sells flamethrowers. First he said, if I could sell 50,000 hats, I'll fucking start selling flamethrowers. I think maybe he was joking, but the guy doesn't fuck around.

He's like, all right, I said it, so fuck it. Sold out of the hats, next thing you know, he's selling flamethrowers, and he sold everyone else. I just think it's a dangerous item. You know, it'd be fine with me, I'm responsible, but there'd be people out there that probably wouldn't use it properly and burn someone's fucking eyes out and shit. I don't know, it's scary.

Point out your gas tank. You believe you are responsible with fire, do you, Ricky? Big time. I use chainsaws. Maybe we could cut a little montage together of Ricky's fire mishaps. Yeah, you're fucked with fire, man. But with that, you wouldn't be. It's just a trigger.

I'm good with guns. Very safe. Trigger fire. Yeah, I'm glad. Fuck, that was driving me crazy. Flame, flame. And I was thinking, fuck, flame. Flame.

Match. Lighter. An old flame. Blow torch. Hot knives. No. It was a flame thrower. I forgot the word thrower.

That's all I would have needed and I would have remembered. Yeah, that's the amazing thing about notes. If you just put all the words you're thinking, they're very helpful at a later date. All right, let's get things going. Have we started yet? We have started, yes.

Okay. We have started, Ricky. Okay. We have started, Ricky. Where should we go from here? Well, I know one thing we could do. What? I got more kitty videos. Oh, fuck! Don't tell me. Kitty of the week, boys.

Oh, fuck. It's just the videos are just flying in. People love the kitties. Can I just go through them quickly? Very quickly. I cut them. It's less than a minute, boys. You've got 60 seconds.

Okay, watch this. That's a good one. Oh, that's God. Can't see it. Watch. He's fucking with the dog. Watch this. Chases him over.

Now watch this. Whack, whack, whack, whack. Look at the speed. He's just like Mike Tyson. Such a quick arm on him. Lee. Moxie obviously found the catnip after mom gave him some yesterday. Oh yeah, this guy here, he's right into the nip.

He's right into the nip, look. Look at him eating the nip, licking it. Am I likeicking it? Oh yeah, okay See him? There he is Look at these two Look at these two cleaning each other That's decent

How is that licking? Listen, listen boys Oh, he's purring like a motherfucker Wonderful bubs Listen to that kitty engine. That's a kitty engine right there. He's liking the little dugs. He's loving the dugs.

Oh, yeah, look. That's a little cocksucker running the show. What is that? That's like a llama or alpaca. Alpaca. Look, he's chased him away. Watch this. Oh, yeah. Just going gonna come under the door.

Jesus Christ. See that? Kitty sucked his gut in. Look at this guy, Ricky. He's my favorite. Kitty with a joint. Kitty with a joint in his mouth. He's picked up a joint, look. He better not light it, but... Look at this guy, fucking around with that.

It's a cat playing with a toy. Yeah, but look at him. Decent. Hey? Yeah. That's awesome. Decent kitty, look, rolling around with that. Look at this guy, eating a weed leaf.

Chewing it up. Loving it. He's getting his CBD. He's getting all his nutrients. He's on a plant-based diet. All right, who's the winner? I think... There's nothing amazing about any of those videos.

Like, nothing that just went, whoa. I think Kitty, number four, with the purring. Kitty and... Yeah, the curdy-purdy. What is he? the purring. Kitty engine. Join them out. Yeah, the curdy purdy. What is he? The purring cat. All your cats can do that. Yeah, but don't you think that was decent?

That was just a cat fucking purring. There was like nothing. Wow, look at that. It's a cat purring. But did you hear the amount of purring coming out of him? They put a fucking mic up to it. For a little kitty, that was a lot of purring. All right, so that's the winner?

What does he win? I think number four was the winner. Valentine's Day with bubbles. All expenses paid. No, Ricky, they just win kitty of the week. All right. You didn't love that? Bob, I see that every day when I go over to your fucking shed.

Cats do all that shit. Did they send any videos for Julian's sex contest or whatever it was? Oh, yeah. Here, you're not digging the kitty videos? The what? Not digging the kitty videos? You have a sex contest?

A sex contest. What the fuck is going on here? Here, do you remember I asked people to send in their bodybuilding videos? Oh, gosh. Nobody's... How hard are you right now, Julian?

Are you kidding me? Look at the arse on him. Look at... Wow. Look, Julian. He's Look at the arse on him. Look at... Wow. Look, Julian. He's flexing his arse for you. I don't want to look, man. I don't get it.

Like, oh, great. Oh, yeah, look, Julian's getting excited. I'm getting excited. How come you don't go in these competitions? Would you fuck off? Julian's getting excited. I can feel the table lifting. Yeah, yeah, you can...

You should start tanning more, too, like these guys. Look, Julian. I wonder if like these guys. Look, Julian. I wonder if they bleach anything. Look, just wait. Look, there they all are. All five of them. Yeah. Good for them.

What are these muscles here called, Julian? I don't... Pups, just turn it off. He pretends like he doesn't know all the muscles. I'm not into all this shit, man. I work out just to get stronger. I wonder if they work better. Work their birds out.

Not to get on stage like that. Yeah, but you're getting turned on. I'm not getting turned on. What type of oil do you think he used? I don't know. Ask your mom, because she's probably in the back there oiling everybody up.

Is that like a... Grabbing cocks and balls. Is that like a coconut-based oil he's using, or would that be avocado oil? I don't have a fucking clue, bubs. Look how this idiot walks. These guys are unusually fucked. Look at this guy, look.

Is that just how he is? What are those wings? No, those are his arms, Ricky. They don't even go down as far as his waist. He's got too many muscles. Oh, that is fucked up. Yep. All right, okay, that's enough. even go down as far as his waist. He's got too many muscles. Oh, that is fucked up. Alright, okay, that's enough.

You know, they've been doing this for a long, like Arnold Schwarzenegger used to do this. Oh, I know, I know. You got the posters all over your wall. We should swap one of their heads with Julian's head. That's funny. You're not going to do that, Jeff. Fuck off.

Oh, a still image of the finale might be good with Julian right there. Yeah. All right, that's enough. Let's get that out. Let's talk about some... Why? Is it too distracting? It's not distracting.

It's just stupid. Can't you just have a conversation with this plane on you? Thinking I enjoy the stuff. I don't watch that stuff, okay? Just long enough to... Just long enough to what? Get a bath. Bobs.

Ricky. You guys are fucked. I don't listen to that. Some creepy noises. It's as windy as fuck. It's raining. What's going on with this winter, man? If you don't want to talk

about half-naked muscle men, what do you want to talk about? Ricky? Firefighters? No, there's a way I thought... Okay, there's this ice cream they make now. It's 500 times hotter than Tabasco sauce. I think we should take, get this shit,

get a big bowl of it, give it to Randy, kind of set him up and get him to eat it. Do it. Order it right now. Because it would fuck. It's 1.5 million units on the Scoville scale. It's 1.5 million Scoville units. Yes. And it's ice cream.

It's ice cream. Is that hot? You could fuck someone up with this shit. 1.5 million Scoville units is hot, Ricky. It's very hot. We should have like an ice cream eating contest. You against Brandy. Ten, like ten bucks, five bucks. Let's do it. Right on the show. We should have, like, an ice cream eating contest. You against Brandy. Ten, like, ten bucks, five bucks. Let's do it. Right on the show.

We should do it. It would be fucking awesome. We could kill him, though. He could die. Not that bad. He could just get fucked up for a little while, which is probably... So that's a lot of heat, boys. A million and a half Scoville units.

I wonder if it's as hot coming out as it is going in. I think commercial pepper spray is not that much. If you shot it in your mouth, it wouldn't even be that much. Boys, we're talking about Randy. Who gives a fuck? Not me. Well, boy, you don't want him to get hurt. He's not going to get hurt eating ice cream, man.

He could get chemical burns on his throat and it seals out. Next thing you know, that's it. It's ice cream. All right, order the fucking ice cream. Moving on. So we're doing that? Yes, we are. I don't see why not. Let's do it. We'll dumb it down a little bit, maybe. Maybe. How do you dumb down hot ice cream, Ricky? Yeah, other ice cream. You know what, we'll

throw a strawberry in it or something. What canc as out hot? Cold? See, it's not that hot. It's ice cream. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like a heater and an air conditioner fighting. No one's going to win. It's even.

OK. Did you ever think about going to a place called Siberia? Siberia? Yeah, would you want to go there? I would like to see Siberia. I'd like to see the tigers. Okay. Well, there's a place called Koshlandia in Siberia.

Yeah. It's the whimsical land of cats. What does that mean? But he's got this fucking firm. Speak English. Like a beautiful land of cats, you know. Geez. He says he's got like fucking firm. Speak English. Like a beautiful land of cats, you know. He says he's got like a million of them. What's a windus?

In Siberia. Siberia, motherfuckers. How many cats? Like a million. No. I find it hard to believe he's got a million kitties. Look at those cocksuckers. They're a nice looking bunch.

Those are nice. A million of those motherfuckers running around. Can't be a million. If he's got a million kittdies, I'm going there for sure. That's what he's saying, man. You should go, bubs. Let's start a Kickstarter. Pack your bags.

It's far, Ricky. It's over by Russia. Siberia, that's where they exile people to if they're, you know, hey, you're going to spend the rest of your life in Siberia. It's not that far if you take the bullet train. Which bullet train? I don't fucking know. There's gotta be a bullet train that goes there, isn't there?

To Siberia. It's not a popular destination. No, man, it's as cold as fuck. Ice Highway? Might be an ice highway. What are you talking about? They have ice highways now. Yeah, ice road truckers.

I've seen some show that show. Ice truckers. Yeah, Ricky, that's not in Siberia. They probably have the same thing over there. Ice road truckers, Siberia. I've never seen that show. You'd be fucked doing that up there, man. I'm telling you.

There's not much up there. Ice road truckers, Chernobyl. So is that all that, man. I'm telling you. There's not much up there. Ice road truckers Chernobyl. So is that all that's in there is a million cats? Nothing else? That's it, man. You go there, you visit them, then you leave, and then... Genghis Khan is probably still there. I think he was... had something to do with Siberia.

There's tigers, too. I know. I love fucking tigers. Say that again You like what I love tigers Hey, so funny I Said I love fucking tigers. You love fucking tigers. I don't mean I fuck them I said fucking there wasn't supposed to be a What's it called?

Well, here's another animal you might like. You didn't mean to use it as a verb. That's what I said. Check out this motherfucker. His name is Pig Castle. Pig Castle. He's a painting pig. He's not very good, though.

He just goes up and down. They sell for thousands of fucking dollars. Why? It's a shitty pig. He's not very good, though. He just goes up and down. They sell for thousands of fucking dollars. Why? It's a shitty pig. Don't know, man. He paints, they sell. Because it's an original pig castle, that's why. That's fucked.

Pig castle, that's adorable. You can't even, what is it? What's it supposed to be? It's a moneymaker. That's what, it's a moneymaking pig. It's an abstract, Ricky. He paints abstracts. He doesn't do portraits.

What's this fucking pig made in his life? I want to make a shit of painting better. Paying up to 2,000 bucks a painting? Are you fucking kidding me? We could die. I have kitties that can paint. Well, there you go. What the fuck are we doing here? A cat castle. Cat castle. Kitty castle. That's a good idea, man. Kitty Castle. Let's get some paint today and get that going. It's not bad. Two thousand bucks a painting, are you kidding me? So that pig's rich?

Well, the owners are rich. Who, I'm... The pig could be rich. You don't know who... Yeah, you don't know if he's giving the money to the owners. Might be spending it all on himself. What, do you think the pig has a bank account that he goes in with his little card? He paints. So he goes up with his little snout and puts his fucking card in. Well, he paints.

He obviously unscrews the paints and mixes them up and gets the brushes out. Don't get him fucking thinking that way. He's gonna believe it. A lot of pigs can walk on two legs. Upright like a human. What? Oh, that's been proven for years. No fucking way.

Well, I don't know. I'm pretty sure. Who proved that one, Ricky? I thought a bunch of farmers were talking about it. No, you saw it in a fucking kid's book, man. A little pig playing the fucking little pipe. It could have been a cartoon. Now that I think about it, it might have been a cartoon. It something now that i think about it it might have been a card it was a cartoon dummy but you said it was proven years ago i don't know man i might have fucked something up there did you hear about the

goose that fucking knocked out the hunter no is this a joke it sounds like a joke if it's not there's no punchline. This fucking guy blew a goose out of the sky, and a fucking thing came down, hit him in the head, and knocked him out. Fucked his head all up. What? Was he shooting straight up at the goose?

No, he must have been incoming. Just must have timed it perfectly. The goose probably wasn't totally dead, and he was just like fucking almost dead, but it still aimed for the guy's fucking head and said, fuck you. I think the goose wins. I'm proud of that goose.

So you think the goose kamikaze you? Big time. I'm gonna die in four seconds, so I may as well try to take that cocksucker that shot me out with me. You think the goose has the brain capacity to think that all out in English? Gooses are smart.

Hmm. There's a T-shirt. Gooses are smart. I'd have a T-shirt if I ever saw one. That There's a T-shirt. Gooses are smart. T-shirt if I ever saw one. That's a good T-shirt. Gooses are smart with Ricky's face. Ricky, February 9th, 2018. Yeah, you know how they do quotes of people, you know?

Gooses are smart. Fear not what your country can do, John F. Kennedy. We gotta do that. Gooses are smart, Ricky. I like it. I like it too. They Kennedy. We gotta do that. Gooses are smart, Ricky. I like it. I like it, too. They are. They can almost talk. I think we should start a whole

quotes website. Fake quotes. Let's do it, man. They fucking hiss like cobras, too, and bite you. They're very bitey. What are? Gooses. Oh, I've been attacked by a goose or two in my day. Believe me, when I'm hauling shopping carts, I come face-to-face with a lot of Gooses. Oh, I've been attacked by a goose or two in my day. Believe me, hauling shopping carts,

I come face to face with a lot of gooses. Are they protective over their shopping carts? They're protective over different things. I fought a goose once. It was pretty intense. I hit one in the head, but it fucking snapped me pretty good. No, I fought one. I had to get my arms up and fight him. Did he back you?

He was hissing, like you said, and he was coming at me. I had to give him one. You fought a goose. Well, I gave him one, you know, I gave him a right hook on the beak, right off the beak. There's different groups out there that would fucking come after you, man, for that and try to put you in jail for punching a goose.

You know that. You just can't. I didn't actually punch a goose then. Okay. And I didn't punch a rooster out of the air when he tried to get me with his clackers. And a rooster. I got attacked by a rooster and he was jumping up and he was trying to get me with his heel clackers.

And I did not clock him right out of the air. Was that what happened to your nipple? No, that was a different incident. Was that a different bird? That was a different bird. That was a seagull. Did something to your nipple? That was a seagull that bit my nipple off.

Are you sure? It was a seagull. Seagull bit my nipple off. I just remember you fell asleep with some french fries on your shirtless chest. That's not true, Ricky. And they came down and started pecking at it. I passed out eating some McDonald's french fries, but I was not shirtless. I thought you were tanning.

I was not tanning. I don't tan. Are you missing half of your nipple? The part that comes out? I'm missing a part of it, yeah. I know there's some scarring in the circle that's around it. You said it was going to grow back, but it obviously didn't. I thought it might. I thought regeneration might be an option.

They're saying McDonald's french fries, speaking of those, can cure baldness. Nice. What? I guess there's some chemical in of those, cure baldness. Nice. What? I guess there's some chemical in fries that cures baldness. French fries. McDonald's french fries. McDonald's, just them.

I won't, just their fries. Who the fuck said that? They add some chemical to them, the fucking thing, so when you put them in the fat, it doesn't flare up or bubble up. That same chemical, I guess, cures baldness. So keep eating those fucking things, they're healthy. Good for you.

I know there's an awful lot of bald people that eat McDonald's french fries. They didn't probably, I don't know if they eat them in time, maybe. How many do you need to eat to grow your hair back? I didn't get that far, but it's coming. You said it cures baldness, which means it regrows your hair back. I didn't get that far. But it's coming. You said it cures baldness, which means it regrows your hair.

It's correct, sir. It's the first time they've ever been able to make hair... Forget what they're called. Things rejuvenate, generate. McDonald's french fries. It's not really the french fries. It's a chemical that's in them. You know how smart people from Japan are?

They figured it out. Not everybody from Japan is smart. Name one person that's dumb from Japan. Ping Lu, that works down at the grocery store. He's, I don't think he's from Japan. He is from Japan, he's from Tokyo. I thought he was Korean. No, he's from Tokyo, And how smart is he now?

He's like a Korean. Other than Ping Lan, most people are pretty fucking smart. This is a problem that I'm pissed off about. You can no longer... Remember how you can buy fucking synthetic urine at truck stops for your piss test? They're trying to make that illegal. What the fuck is wrong with people? You can't cheat on a goddamn piss test anymore.

It's ridiculous. You can buy synthetic piss at truck stops? Yeah, what are you, fucking born in a burn? Do you know about this? I don't know anything about this, but obviously... Well, you're the piss master. I'm not. That was... I don't even want to get into that shit, man. It was a stupid idea.

Yours was real, which is fucked, but... But you think if you're gonna... I mean, it's stupid that some companies don't let you fucking do drugs anyway. That's fucked. But if you're gonna just do it, like, why the fuck can't you buy fake piss to pass your test? It's stupid. So you think

you should be allowed to cheat? Yes. If a company's going to say you can't fucking work here if you do drugs, fuck them. That's dumb. I'm not happy about those companies. I kind of agree. If you're, like, smoking a bit of weed or hash or something...

Fuck off. You know, at home after work... Well, it depends on the company, doesn't it? It probably makes you a better worker. Depends on the company. Or it could slow you down, if you can think of it that way. Okay, air traffic controllers, Ricky. Should they be allowed to be baked out of their minds?

Fucking right. I'd do the shit out of that job. I'd look at that screen, bait, and go, this is easy. All right, bud, you fucking stay there. You keep coming. Yo, slow the fuck down. Get a little lower. Yes, fuck, it'd be great.

That's the reason so many plane crashes, probably because they're not big. Oh, my God. Can you imagine being on a fucking Airbus 380 coming over from England? He's in the tower. He's in the tower. There's no fucking way.

And I wouldn't be doing stupid nerd talk either. You know, I'd have my own terms. That would be very helpful. That would a sudden air traffic controller doesn't use the proper lingo yo flight 3 2 1 from London how you doing there dude they don't have time to make conversation do next podcast we should have like a screen where he's trying to be the air traffic controller I I've done it in my mind. Well, let's get it going. If I'm going to do it, I want somewhere busy.

What's the busiest airport there is? Give me that one. Chicago, Atlanta, Heathrow, JFK, LAX. Let's do that then. We'll get him to smoke a big joint and then throw the screen up and get him to direct planes in. Okay. You know what I could do? I could hook up.

There's a fucking game you can play on the VR where you're actually doing air traffic control. Oh, there we go, man. All right. Because you know what? Or we could just go to the Allfax airport and fucking have at her. Sometimes you do get into the zone when you're stoned

and be like, boom. Do you need a... I got this. ...certificate or license or anything to be one of them? To be an air traffic controller? Yeah. Ricky, you got to go to fucking air traffic control school. There's no fucking school for that.

You're just talking to planes. Oh, my fuck. Okay, you're going to see how easy it is when we do this. Ricky, oh, my God. We'll try to do it next one. Okay, so here's how you use your phone. Here's how you put on your headset. Here's how you look at a screen.

And here's a button to talk. I can't wait to see this go down. What else can the school teach you? They can teach you. Oh, my God, Ricky. You need to know everything about what's happening in the air. You need to know how to guide planes. Hostage situations, shit like that.

You've got to be able to deal with that shit. But that's like a rarity. You need to be able to know how to line planes up to land and keep distances between them and keep everything organized so that nobody... But really, all you've got to do is get one and say, okay, you're coming in first. The rest of you guys just follow his lead and do what he does.

Yeah. Okay, we're coming in first. The rest of you guys just follow his lead and do what he does. Yeah. Okay, we'll see. Ricky, you would kill about a thousand people in about 14 seconds. You'd have planes landing on top of each other, fucking jets running out of fuel because they don't know where they're going. I bet I'd go in and blow people away. They'd be like, holy fuck, no one's ever landed that many planes that fast perfectly. Pilots would be like, who the fuck is this guy?

We want to land here every day. They want to land there just because the air traffic controller was so great. No, man. I'd try to have video, too, so the pilot could see me. See that I'm friendly. That wouldn't be distracting at all. Like FaceTiming with the guy kind of thing. Yeah, FaceTime.

Make it real personal. It's like an experience. You're not just landing at this airport. It's a fucking landing experience. Yeah, that's what he needs to do when he's lined up for final approach and he's got his fucking massive checklist and 400 people's

lives are in his hands. He wants to be on FaceTime with you. They don't even land anymore, do they? I thought that was all computers. Computers can assist landing, yes, greatly, but I mean, if there's an emergency, buddy needs to take over and fucking deal with that. All right.

I don't know anything about flying. I can land a fucking space shuttle. As we've all seen. I can land some things. Land yourself in jail. That's a pretty good one, I guess. That's a good one. All right, are we done?

You should go to Paris for Valentine's Day. They just opened up a new place there that you might enjoy. Who? Who, me? Yeah. What is it? It's a sex doll brothel. You'd like that, eh, buddy?

First one in the world just opened. Sex doll brothel. I'm not sure how it works or who's in charge of cleanup. So what is it? Sex doll brothel. Not sure how it works or who's in charge of clean-up, but... So what is it? It's like a brothel, but there's no... It's just dolls? Yep. It's easy. Oh, my God, that's horrible. It'd be pretty easy to pick up in there.

Oh, my God, that's awful. That is a weird one. It just doesn't sound right. I wonder what it costs. I don't know, Ricky, but I'm not interested. I don't know, but if I was into them, I'd be buying my own and staying in a home. Like, I wouldn't be going out and...

No, but I think the point there probably is the variety. Sounds like you're a bit of a professional at this thing. No, I'm not a professional, but what you're describing is then you have the same one every day with the brothel type setting. So you'd like to have a different, you'd like a selection then if you're going in there. I'm just saying that's probably the... You'd like to pick one out, maybe someone different each week? A different toy? Doll?

Well, if that was your thing, I would think that would be one of the attractions. Hey, do you have any Asian ladies? Pups. What? I'm just saying that. I'm guessing that's what the attraction is. Okay. All right.

Nothing weird about that. I'm not the one that started a brothel with dolls in it. Maybe we should. I have no interest in that. Yeah, okay, we believe you, bud. Anyway, it was just a thought. You didn't get a date for Valentine's. Go to Paris.

I'm not going to Paris. Not at all. I plan on having a good Valentine's. What's described the perfect date for you, the perfect girl? Oh, just somebody, you know, fun to hang out with. From where? Doesn't matter. Okay.

Romantic? I am very romantic. I would like to get in a rowboat and go out into the pond. Okay. Eat some chocolate. So she can't be afraid of water? I would like to get in a rowboat and go out into the pond. Okay. Eat some chocolate. So she can't be afraid of water? Well, no, you wouldn't want to put her out there if she's scared of water, Rick.

That wouldn't be a very good day. Does she have to like cats? I'd bring out my banjo or a guitar, and we'd float around in the rowboat and eat some chocolates, and I'd play some songs. Maybe feed the muskrats. Take your clothes off, maybe? No, I'd play some songs. Maybe feed the muskrats. Take your clothes off maybe? No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't take my clothes off out in the middle of the pond in a rowboat. Feed the geese? Feeding the geese. That's after the date.

When he takes her home and shakes her hand. No, that is not. So there's going to be some smooching going on. No, I don't know. Maybe. I wouldn't be against the idea of doing some smooching. Are you the kind of guy that tries to play any baseball on the first date, get to some bases? If she has her own glove, I would play some baseball. I've got a glove. Okay. Take her down to the mound there, down to the ball field. Down to the mound?

Down to the ball field. I thought that was code with a glove on. Not code. I'm talking about taking her to play some fucking baseball. Girls like to play baseball. Okay. Sometimes. What's your perfect date other than taking home those five men on the stage that are oiled up? Real funny, Bubbs.

Seeing who's got the bigger lats. I'm going to go to the Aristocrat and hang out there for the night. Yeah, see if that's not romantic. Some Valentine's Day cards and... There's nothing romantic about that. You're going to hand out Valentine's cards at the strip club. Yep. Some of the girls I know.

Will you be mine? Yeah, sure I will, for 200 bucks. Well, we'll see. I'll have a better time than you. It's not my idea of a perfect date, but I know what's going to happen with me. Because it fucking happens pretty much every time. What? I'm going to go out with Susan.

We're going to have a nice fucking dinner somewhere. We're going to get in a massive fucking fight. And you're going to bang. Over something stupid. And then we're going to have a massive fucking fight. Then you're gonna bang. Over something stupid, and then we're gonna have incredible makeup bang. Could be worse, could be better. I just don't know why we constantly have to fight. I don't think it's always my fault. She's got a bit of a temper.

I don't think it's your fault either, Ricky. Yes, she does have a bit of a... Some people say she might be a bit crazy. A bit? Some people say that? be a bit crazy. A bit? Some people say that? I've heard rumors. Well, I say she is crazy, 100%. In the sack?

Let's just end this. We'll talk more about relationships next week. Okay? Let's do that. Valentine's podcast. Dear Julian. Oh, next podcast. I got a guest lined up, boys. Valentine's podcast. Dear Julian. Valentine's. Oh, next podcast. I got a guest lined up, boys.

Who is it? Not telling. Is it good or bad? It's good. I think you're gonna be impressed. What's her name? It's not a lady. Not a lady at all.

Long hair, though. Kind of like a lady. Let me guess. It's a cat lover. I believe he enjoys kitties. Can't wait, bubs. What does he do for a living? I'm not telling you that. I might give it away.

Fuck. Jesus. Farties. Farties for a living. Okay. You just wait. Is he the kind of guy that when he has to fart, he holds it in or he lets her rip? I don't know.

That'll be the first question you can ask him. All right. Okay, tune in next week when Ricky embarrasses the guest. I'm