Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 136 - A Man's Gotta Eat

Episode Date: March 23, 2018

Gutzilla's in da house - Randy Bobandy joins today's podcast! They phone the 'King' and attempt to get free cheeseburgers - by name-dropping celebs! And Ricky has a greasy confession about what he does at Bulk Barn... Episode 135 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Rickey's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. I hope you got some shit to talk about, man. I have everything. There's not a lot that went down on this fucking day. There's all kinds of stuff to talk about. Where in the fuck is he? Is he coming? Because I'm not waiting any longer.

I'm officially starting this right now. No, just a second. I'm starting it. Here it goes. All right. Yeah. That starts her. Okay, what's going on?

On your way. Podcast. I thought I's going on? On your way, podcast. I thought I was going to do the intro here, man. I'm doing the intro this week. Welcome to the official Trailer Park Boys podcast, number 136. It's cash, podcast. It's cash when I say it. It's Cash Podcast. It's Cast when I say it.

The official podcast, number 136, coming at you live from Ricky's Kitchen. I'm your host, Bubbles. And my co-host, Julian. I've got nothing to do with this. And Ricky, who's fucking passed out drunk. Show's yours, bud. Go for it. You want to be like that? You want to take it over?

Take it over. Show us yours. The show is yours. You said Show's yours, bud. Go for it. You want to be like that? You want to take it over? Take it over. Show is yours. The show is yours. You said show is yours, bud. I didn't say show is yours. Weiner competition or something. What the fuck would a weiner competition entail now?

Hey, guys. Speaking of weiner competitions. Julian, check it out. I brought some burgers. For us? Yeah. I brought some burgers. Put the fucking things out. Let's go. All right.

Don't touch me. Right on. I got some burgers. I just want us to get along better, Bubbles, you know? Put the fucking burgers out. Burgers? Do I get... Shit.

I got a shit ton of burgers. Here. Jesus. I'm starving. What are they? Just little Burger King burgers? They're King, yeah. Cheese, I couldn't get any frigging fries

because I couldn't afford it. Oh yeah? I'll fuck with a couple burgers, thanks, right? I miss the deal they used to have, you know, the two for a deal. Two burgers, two fries, $2.22. I don't know why they don't bring that deal back. They'll bring it back, just calm down.

You're interrupting the fucking podcast. It's called inflation, man. Things go up in price, okay? They just can't keep it going on for ten years. Welcome to the podcast number one. I'm 36. Oh, look who fucking decided to show up. Brought you a cheeseburger, Ricky. Let's have some fun today.

Jesus, man, what, do they have a big sale on or something? No, they don't have a friggin' sale on these. Okay, just wait. Before we get talking about burgers, I want to show you something. One of the things that's been going on on the internet. This is amazing. What is it? So you know

Kim Jong-un, right? Yes. The little fella there? Crazy guy from North Korea? I don't know if he is crazy. I think he might be an alright fella. Well, I'm sure he's got a fucking couple screws loose, Ricky. I think he's misunderstood. I bet you he puts on one hell of a crazy. I think he might be an alright fella. Well, I'm sure he's got a fucking couple screws loose, Ricky. I think he's misunderstood. I bet she puts on one hell of a party.

I bet she doesn't. Well, I know what she does. You think Kim Jong-un knows how to party? Guarantee you, man. He should change his name. He's got a lot of power, that dude. How many guys do you know named Kim? If it was Jong Kim.

I like him. That'd sound better. You like Kim Jong-un. He's an evil dictator, Ricky. And he's going to try to blow up the world. I don't think he will. That was a great movie. He's just having fun. Playing around.

Well, anyway. Best picture of him went up on the internet. Thanks for the burger, Randy. It's actually fucking tasty. It's helping me hung over-ness. He's actually... The people over there are starving. You know that, right, Ricky?

No, they're not. He doesn't even feed his people. So to try to... They look happy. He put up this picture on the internet where he's standing in front of, look at all the potatoes, and he says, hey, look at all the food we got. It's all fake news that people are starving. But it's clearly photoshopped.

Look. He's not standing there. How do you know? Because you can tell he's cut right out, Ricky. Let me see. He's cut out. Hmm. Randy.

His shadow should be behind him there. Randy, here's the question. Would you take some from him or what? No, I wouldn't. All right, so if you put down a fucking bag of burgers, would you get some shit going? So they fake, are they fake potatoes? Julian, I don't do things like that. They might be real potatoes, but look, people started, you know, the internet went crazy. They started fucking with them. That's Mr. Potato Head.

They started, look, photoshopping them into everything. Look at that. There's, you know. Put them in the... He's a gangster, I think. Oh, they put the little guy riding on his shoulders. They put him in a... Is that Mini-Me? Another place. Oh, they put him on the Goodfellas poster. Nice.

So, check this out. I did one of Randy. Look. Here, put it on the screen. Fuck Randy. He's doing Kim Jong at the Kang. That's cool. He'd probably get free friggin' cheeseburgers and fries and shakes and everything, for freak's sakes. Why would he get free stuff?

He's a celebrity, isn't he? They'd probably kick him out of the place, I would think. Why don't you get free fucking burgers from some place? That's it, yeah? Friggin' that's a great idea. I don't know why. I like cheeseburgers more than friggin' anybody. There he is in L.A. Noire.

You could get free burgers probably, Randy. They give them to people. You know Jay Baruchel? Yeah. He gets free burgers from Burger King. Gets a little Burger King card. But he's skinny. Yeah, he's skinny, but he still eats a fuck ton of burgers.

Believe me. You could get free burgers. Why don't you call them up and say, I'm Randy, give me free burgers. You think that would do it? Well, it doesn't hurt to fucking try. All right. What kind of a burger, if you worked at Burger King,

what kind of a burger would you make? Probably a triple, triple burger. Why don't they have a triple burger? Look up the Burger King fucking head office for me. Okay, just a second. Sometimes burger joints are different around the world. Like, in Japan, I think the king puts

seaweed on their burger. Seaweed? Bull fucking shit. Yeah, it's the dried out stuff. Why? They use it as lettuce? It tastes like salt, I think. Seaweed makes it a salty burger. It's called kale, isn't it? Kale's not fucking seaweed. What's it called? There i think seaweed makes it a salty burger it's called kale isn't it

kale's not fucking what's it called there's another name for it other than seaweed kelp douse or something kelp dulls help dolls dolls we're in australia yeah that's right and uh burger kings's is called... Burger King's is not called the Burger King's. It was something Jack's, remember? It was weird. It looked like it. It was the same logo, but it wasn't Burger King. It was like Johnny Jack's. It was actually, I think it might have been good, gooder than the... Terry Jack's or Lonnie Jack's.

What's it called over in England? Burger King, I believe. I don't know if it's called Burger King. You got a number for me Jacks. What's it called over in England? Burger King, I believe. I don't know if it's called Burger King. You got a number for me? Yeah. What is it? One.

Yeah. 305. Okay. 378. It's not even toll free. Okay. 3000. This is the head office, buddy.

This is the headquarters. That's bullshit. Hey, Randy, you know what you're gonna say to them? Gotta have a fucking toll free number. Fucking assholes. You wanna talk about, first what you're gonna say to them? Gotta have a fucking toll-free number. Fucking assholes. You wanna talk about... First thing you're gonna talk about is why is there no toll-free number? An account, a free account.

You're gonna ask them. How come there's no toll-free number? Barbecue Corporation, I can help you. Hi, how you doing? My name's... My name's Randy. I'm from Sunnyvale Trailer Park. And I was just wondering

if there's a way that I could possibly get, like, free cheeseburger cards or something? Because I eat a lot of cheeseburgers and I love the King. Okay, give me one second. Say you're on TV. I'm on TV. You fucked it up, see? You fucked it up already.

You gotta tell them you're on the TV, man. You just can't be someone wandering around. You just can't be some random fucking lunatic calling, wanting three burgers. Thank you for calling the DART line. The who line? Please press 1. The what hotline?

See? Listen. Please press 2. For technical support, please press three. Technical support? Hang on. Let's see. I don't know what one was, so we'll try that. Excuse me. Tell them you're on the TV, Randy,

and you're looking for free burgers. What part of the RBM is not available? See? They fussed her, man. This is what happens. They're like, okay, crazy person. And then put you to certain things. Call the other one back and say you forgot to mention you were on TV.

Yep. Good idea. You got the redial going? Yeah, I got it, bud. Guys, if I get some free burgers, like lots of free burgers, I'll give you guys some free burgers. We will definitely be getting free food. It's fucking March 23rd already?

Yes, Ricky. So St. Patrick's Day was almost a week ago. Yeah. Yeah? Holy fuck. And you've been drunk every fucking day. American Corporation, can I help you? Hey, sorry. I was just talking to you've been drunk every fucking day. American Corporation, how can I help you? Hey, sorry, I was just talking to you before.

It's Randy again. I forgot to tell you that I'm on TV, and I eat a lot of cheeseburgers. I mentioned the King, and the 2-4 deal is awesome. Two burgers, two fries, $2.22. So if you could put me in contact with somebody who might be able to help me out,

that'd be great. Okay, I'll try my best. I'll transfer you to the person. What happened to the line? It was a menu or something. It went to technical support. It was a menu? Yeah.

Okay, I'll transfer you to the next one, okay? I'm very sorry. That's okay. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. This is great. I wonder where she is from.

We got the beach before... Randy, you're talking to Burger King right now. That's pretty cool. He's a kid. He's head of office. Oh. Thank you for calling our employee awareness hotline. Employee awareness hotline?

What the fuck does that mean? You're not an employee. I should maybe become an employee. I can cook some really good cheeseburgers. That's not a bad idea. I need to have another one, man. I'm fucking starving. Joan Crawford was born on this day. Hi, Monica. How you doing? My name's Randy. Oh, I'm great. I'm great. My name's Randy, and I'm on TV, and I eat cheeseburgers. There's a lot of cheeseburgers from the king. Take Trailer Park Boys.

I'm on the Trailer Park Boys. It's a show, and I even have cheeseburger picnics, all kinds of stuff. I'm just wondering if there is a way to get some free cheeseburgers. A card. One of the cards. A card. I've seen some people have some cards. How come you guys don't make a triple burger?

Just let them finish, Ricky. Did you say Burger King? Yes, Burger King. Okay. Make it show me. Yeah. I can certainly put in a request for you. Oh, that'd be awesome.

Excellent. I'm sorry. You know what? We actually don't take Burger King calls anymore. I'm so sorry. a request for you. Oh, that'd be awesome. Yes, excellent. You know what? We actually don't take Burger King calls anymore. I'm so sorry. They've switched services. Who's this?

I do have that other guest relations number for you. Okay, thank you. Here, write it down. So who do you work for? Which company are you taking calls for

if it's not Burger King? We, uh, I think we do Popeye's now. Popeye's? Popeye's? They've got good chicken. They've got a good... I like going to Canada.

We do a couple of other companies as well, but it's mostly, like, the chicken places. Do you give out, um... Do you give out, like, you know... Free chickens? Do you give out cards to people for free food if they're on the TV? Okay.

Okay, we'll try that. What's that number now? That sounds fantastic. All right, it is 866. 866. It's all free. Makes sense. Yeah. 394.

394. 294. 2493. 2493. Okay, just in case we talk to these people and things don't go great, do you have the headquarters off the other number you were talking about? The one that, the upper management one?

No, that's for her. That's for Papa. No, no. Oh. No. Okay. I have, well, I have a corporate company population, but I think that's different than a branch.

Maybe that's... We'll take it. I think that number two... Okay, we'll try it. I'm not sure exactly who you're going to reach. That's okay. We like just calling people. You're one of the nicest people we've ever spoken to.

Yeah, you're good at your job. It's worth a shot. Yeah. Okay, let's see. So that one is 305. 305. That sounds familiar. 37A. 37A.

37A. Yep. We are solving problems. 3535. Okay. So zip right on. For those of you listening, trying to get a hold of Burger King. Thank you very much.

You're so welcome. I hope you enjoyed your day. You too. Oh, boy, you too. See you later. Thank you. We're solving problems for Burger King. They have the wrong fucking number on their website. What too. Oh, boy, you too. See you later. Thank you. We're solving problems for Burger King. They have the wrong fucking number on their website.

Nice lady, though, huh? They have Popeye's customer service number. And we also know now that Burger King doesn't even handle their own fucking customer service. They hired another company to deal with it. And they haven't updated their fucking website. Burger King. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? You're shitting the bed here.

Bring back the 2-4 deal. Two burgers, two fries. He wants you to start making a triple burger. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? You're shitting the bed here. Bring back the 2-4 deal. Two burgers, two fries. He wants you to start making a triple burger. Okay, what do we got? We're gonna go right to the headquarters. No, no, no, let's try this one first. If you wanna go, if you wanna get, you go right to the...

Fuck it, Popeye! These are the bottom feeders of the company, okay? They're gonna say no. Who's Wiener Von Brain? Wiener Von Braun? Wiener Von Braun? He was born today. Werner Von Braun. Oh, my God.

No, it's back to the W. It's Werner. That was, remember the movie? Yes. The one that made me cry? Yes. The rocket movie. That was a sad movie.

What's a sad movie? October. October Sky. Yeah. It was a sad movie? October Sky. It was a beautiful movie about a rocketeer. I love Laura Dern. I know you do. You pulled your pants down.

I can't believe she died of cancer. Who did? She's alive. Such a nice lady. She's alive, you dumbass. It was just the actress. She was at the Oscars the other night, for fuck's sakes. She died in the movie, Ricky.

I know. She was playing a fucking character. Laura Dern didn't actually die. That's how fucking rumors get started, right there. Right there. Right? Next thing you know, big newsflash. Laura Dern passed away from cancer.

Hey, Chaka Khan. Tell it to me. I can't see you. Chaka Khan got brought in today. Rex Tillerson. Rex Tillerson? Yeah. Dirty cocksucker.

What the hell? One, 305. Louie Anderson. He's a funny man. 378? Yep, 3535. You got to fucking talk. You need the right lingo. Louie Anderson, he's on the show, and he's a funny man. 378? Yep, 3535. You got to fucking talk. You need the right lingo.

Louie Anderson, he's on the show, and he's a funny guy. Louie Anderson? Yeah. He's on that show with the Zach fella. Buckets. Baskets. That's called. Baskets.

He plays his mother, but he didn't change his voice. He just talks in his regular voice. And it's awesome. It's very funny. Okay, who's doing the talk? Okay, you've got to remember to talk. Catherine Keener. It's gonna be Randy.

But you've got to do this. You've got to mention celebrity account, okay? Celebrity endorsement. Celebrity account. That's what you want. That's what you're looking for. You're looking for a celebrity account. And you will go with any restaurant that will do this for you,

because obviously there's a bunch of them. What's a hymen? That is... Ricky with... A hymen? Ricky. I think I know what it is. Well, there's a Misty Hymen was born today.

What is a hymen? Misty Hymen. How is it spelled, Ricky? H-Y-M-A-N. Oh, that's different. What are you thinking of? A hymen. You don't know what one of those, Ricky? I know what a hymen maneuver is when you're choking.

No, that's the hind lick. The hind lick? No, it's not either of those. It's not the hymen maneuver. When you're choking, that would not be appropriate the hind lick is then you just get it's it's not the hind leg randy you don't bend the person over and lick their arse when they're fucking choking you seriously don't know what a hymen is me yes why should i okay think of it this way you're building a house right there's no door

on it yet so they put like a vapor barrier thing on it. If you want to get in, you got to go right through it and maybe, you know, bust through it. That is what it is, but it's not really that. What the fuck are you talking about? That's all. I'm not getting into any of the details. What are you talking about, Reynolds, Julian?

Vapor barrier. It's a vapor barrier, right? It's like a vapor barrier. To protect the house from what? Dicks. Dicks. Exactly. It's a vapor barrier to protect your house from dicks.

Yeah. But you are the only dick allowed in there? Oh, is that the thing that gets... Oh, I get it. Yeah, now you get it. And the maneuver you're talking about is called the Heimlich. Heim, not Heimd. It's not an arse-licking thing.

All right. Okay, we cleared that all up. So a misty hymen would be... Well, that's a different spelling of hymen, Ricky. So it wouldn't be a solid hymen, it's just a mist. Yeah, no, it wouldn't. It's... no. What does misty hymen do, does say she's a swimmer or he could be a he i guess

misty is not a he usually can you google misty hyman see what that person does but spell hyman correctly because there could be two of them there could be one that's a porn star. Misty High... Highman. She's got a husband, and she also has a baby. Okay, Misty Highman. Alright, she's... Is there any... Is there any images? That's kind of like having a name like... It sounded like a porn star.

Jill Uterus, or... The 200 meter butterfly. That was one of her specialties. I bet it was. That's an unfortunate name, really. Yeah. You know? I met a girl, her last name was Hoare. Yeah, H-O-A-R-E. Yeah.

Yeah. And they sort of pronounce it Hoare, like Hoare. Her last name was Derv. That's French. Hoare Derv. Your ear baked out of your fucking mind. But that would be like being called, you know, Gladys Valva or something. She's cutie.

Gold medal winner here. Do we have anything on our bodies that gets that done to us? Guess what then? Where the vapor barrier gets blown through? No. No, Ricky. No. And it never gets put back together, right? No, it's not like Humpty Dumpty, Ricky.

Just a one-time fucking... Just like a... Enjoy it while you got it. Ricky. Jesus Murphy. Are we gonna call about the cheeseburgers? Just, yes, we are, Randy. Oh yeah, I forgot that. Celebrity account, you want a card.

It's like a credit card. Okay, here we go. Jay Baruchel, mention... Did we though? Mmm, I don't know that it is. ...pk.com forward slash contact us, or to speak to a live representative, call 1-866-394-2493

During our regular business hours Monday through Friday 9am to 5pm You missed it. 866-394-29... Thank you for calling... 3924 was the last part. Your feedback is important to us. It's not actually because we can't fucking get a hold of you! She's talking. Just wait, she's repeating it.

Excuse me. What's that? 1866-394-2493. That's the other number. We already called that one. No, we didn't call it. That's the fucking one I said to call. But no, Julian won't listen to bottles.

If you want to get something done, you got to talk to the right people. See, getting free food is a lot harder than it is. What is it? 1-866- 394. What's this fucking half a burger with the spikes? 2493. I had a couple of bites of that burger.

2493. Man, you didn't really get many burgers. Julian ate most of them for free, see. I ate three. One fucking burger. Da- most of them for free, see? I ate three. One fucking burger. Da-da! Fucking suck my burger. Thank you for calling the Burger King Guest Relations.

Hello! If you are calling about a digital or e-gift card, press 1. If you are calling about a traditional plastic BK crown card, press 2. For all other comments or interest, do press 1. You want a BK crown card, I bet. Press 3. You want to talk to the supervisor immediately, okay? When you get to this person... Can you talk to the supervisor?

Can you talk to the supervisor? Oh, fuck off, you are. It means you got one fucking person working. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!...comment on our website at www.vk.com and click on the contact us link. You may also continue to host the next available agent.

We might be having a fucking day. Let's talk about some other shit. We'll talk about other stuff. ...may be recorded for quality and training purposes. Yeah, yeah. Hey, did you hear about the woman in Australia that found... Oh, fuck. Oh, we got hear about the woman in Australia that found... Oh, fuck. Oh, we got a soundtrack for the podcast.

I guess that's all good. All right, should we write down some key things for him to say? Did you hear about the woman in Australia? She found a message in a bottle from 1886. Yeah, that's right. Holy shit. That's a fucking cool one. Well, you know what, Ricky? What did it say? It was German. It maybe isn't even from then, because there's a fucking cool one. Well, you know what, Ricky? What did it say? That was German. It maybe isn't even from then,

because there's a time traveler that's on the Internet. A real one? Oh, fuck, yeah. Hi, how are you doing? I'm good. How about you today? Awesome. I'm really good. My name is Randy. I'm from Sunnyvale Trailer Park. I'm really good. My name is Randy. I'm from Sunnyvale, Charlotte Park.

I'm on the TV, and I'm wondering if I can get a Burger King account card for free cheeseburgers. Right, guys? Who do you talk to? I hear a clicking. Burger King account card. Well, he's looking. Basically, what he's trying to tell you is he's a celebrity on the TV, and he would like to have an endorsement deal.

An endorsement deal with the Burger King. And ask him when the sale's coming back. Okay. But what is the issue related to that thing? Like, why are you asking for account card? Well, because his character, that he is on the TV... I love cheeseburgers. I eat a ton of cheeseburgers.

He just is drilling burgers into you. He's got a, he doesn't wear a shirt. Burger King burgers. And he's got great big giant belly on him, and he eats Burger King burgers, like, nonstop. And I love the 2-4 deal. Two burgers, two fries, 222. She doesn't need to know.

Who are we talking to? He can eat the burgers nonstop. He eats, he eats. Oh,stop. He eats, he eats. Oh, yes. That's why he eats. Yes, he promotes your burgers like you wouldn't believe. He's eating them on the TV all the time. And we were just thinking, hey, maybe Burger King

would like to give Randy a crown card or whatever. Oh, OK. Who are we speaking with? So just for the promotion, you were asking for the account card, is that correct? Yeah, like just, you know, he would like to have any type of deal he could have with the Burger King people. I like onion rings too, onion rings are awesome. Coupons. Lots of coupons. We have a, okay...

Maybe you can provide me the concerned person's name and phone number so that I'll put the report and they will contact you. One other thing to put on file, Jay Baruchel. We know him, he's got one of these cards. And he doesn't even talk about cheeseburgers on TV. No, he doesn't. He did the train, you drag, movie. Find out who we're speaking with and where they are. Is there an email address?

Is there an email address that we could... Can you provide me your... Your what? Can you provide me your... Your what? Can you provide me the first name? Yes. Yes, Randy. Okay, how you spell it?

R-A-N-D-Y. Is there multiple spellings? All right, and what's the last name? Trevor. T-R-E-V-O-R. Okay. I thought it was lady. T-R-E-V-O-R, and, yeah. I thought it was Lee. A-O-E-V-O-R.

And what's your contact number? Um, let me see here. Yeah. Contact number is... Okay, I'll repeat. Your first name is Randy, R-A-N-D-Y. Your last name is Trevor, T-R-E-V-O-R. Yes.

And your contact information is... Yeah. Is that correct? Yes, and if you just put on the file there that he's on a TV show... I got it. This is even better. Do you have the Internet there? Yes.

Can you punch in on Google? Yes, I will do. Please just do this. I will definitely put everything on my report. Oh, great. Okay, but this is really important because you can send this link to the upper management. Just punch in to Google,

Randy and then the word cheeseburger. Okay. And that's it. Yeah, just put in the word trailer park boys. No, Randy and cheeseburger. That's all you need to know. Okay. Who are we talking with today, please? Ricky.

Okay, would you like to provide me the email as well? I don't have email. Yes, you can email Randy at... Randy at... So it's... Yeah. At gmail.com. At gmail.com. I didn't know I had that. Where is she from? At gmail.com. Is that correct?

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.com. Is that correct? Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Okay, and did you call here before as well, or is this the first time you're calling on this number? This is the first time,

and if you just add those words there, trailer park boys, on the file, the people are going to know who Randy is, believe me. Maybe send the link to upper management. All right. In the file. Which company is this we're talking with? Burger King.

It's not Burger King. It's Burger King. It is Burger King. I don't know. It is. Yes, definitely. Is there anything else you want me to add to this report? Just, you know...

Do you want me to put any location for that? Worldwide. Worldwide. The card should be accepted worldwide. Where are your headquarters located? Okay. Worst case scenario, North America and the UK. That'll do.

Oh, this is awesome. Okay, is there anything else you want me to add to this report? No, I think that's, I think that's probably got it. That's fantastic. Thank you for your help. Okay, no. That's fantastic. Thank you for your help Thank you Thank you Free burgers I want I didn't even know I had 50% of anything you might be getting I'll give you guys

I'll give you guys a couple burgers if I get some for free. For sure. You said you could eat the rest of that one. Boys, my fucking mind is racing right now. What we could do with that fucking card, the money we could make. Julian, it's my card. We could make a shit ton of fucking money. How? Just go to different locations?

Big orders go to different locations. No, we're not doing that, Julian. You sell them. We're not doing that. Go to the high schools and you sell them for two bucks each. A buck each. That's taking advantage of the king. We will get 20 cheeseburgers a day for free.

I'm saying we could probably make five, six hundred bucks a day. Maybe ten orders of rings. The old man said something about freeze drying them. Good idea. Just freeze them. You're not freeze drying burgers. That's to send them to space, for fuck's sakes. I think this is going to work, boys.

There's a time traveler, boys, that's on the internet. A real one? Back to the future. He's from 2030, he says. I've got to meet this guy. But there's an interview where he talks to himself from 2070. And you know what it actually is? It's just an interview with two crazy people.

What are you saying? There's two of them? It's him from 2030. Yeah. Talking to him from 2070 and they say they have a chip in their wrist that keeps paradoxes from happening. That guy, Noah. Is that the guy you're talking about? His name's Noah.

Yeah, he's fucked. Is he old though? He doesn't look like he's that much. Do they look the same? Well, their faces are blurred, but one guy's about 280 pounds heavier than the other guy. So he must have did well. Over the 15 years, he put away a lot of fucking... See, I don't believe any of that shit. He said there's going to be, like,

a fucking World War fucking happening in 2020. Oh, I believe it. He said there's going to be a huge earthquake in 2022. I believe it. But you know what? The guy from 2070 is wearing an old fucking lumberjack shirt he bought at fucking Value Village. And his hands are small.

The other guy's got these long like Jacob fingers. He's got these little- Well, why don't they just take the fucking fingerprints? Fingerprints. There you go. They should check their wieners. Well, everybody's getting bigger in the future. The wiener never changes.

People are getting taller. Their feet are getting bigger in the future. The wiener never changes. People are getting taller, their feet are getting bigger, and their hands... Well, the guy from the future future, his hands shrunk then, because they're only little... He's got little... That happens when you're really old, you start to shrink.

He's got little GT Hobbit-lasked pork fingers. Okay, well, thanks for telling us about that, bubs. Okay, so, I mean, those two, we should keep a... So at the end of the video I watched, they're gonna do a DNA test to prove that it's the same person. I can't wait. Oh, I'll be watching that one. All right, we gotta get this Noah guy on the phone with us.

What the fuck's DNA gonna prove? We do. We need to track him down. Let's track him down. Excuse me. His name is Noah? Noah. The guy that His name is Noah? Noah. The guy that built the Arks? Yeah, he's just exactly like him.

He's exactly like him, Ricky. Neither one's real. Okay. Ozzy Osbourne. Oh, I like that story. Did you see that story? No. This guy in Newfoundland, pizza delivery guy.

And he had all his CDs and everything in his car. He's delivering pizzas. He goes up to the door. Somebody steals his fucking car. No. We used to do that all the time. It's a fucking good one.

Yeah, but... You order a pizza. You don't even really want the pizza. You order it to your neighbor, and the pizza guy goes in and takes his car, and free car for the night. Ricky. So, anyway, they gave his car back the next day but all his CDs were gone. So he said, you know, on the internet or whatever, fucking lost my Ozzy collection, lost all

my stuff. Next thing you know, he gets two packages, one from Zach Wilde and one from Ozzy Osbourne with all the CDs, all kinds of t-shirts, all kinds of... No way. That's pretty fucking nice. That's awesome, Woody. Really nice. So you know what? I was thinking... What? Why don't we just say that we had this great big collection of stuff that got stolen...

Let's do it. ...and see if they sent us... That and Kiss. Yeah. Kiss, they might fucking do something. Quiet Riot. And Quiet Riot. Quiet Riot.

Quiet Riot will try it. Quiet Riot. So Rudy Sarzo is going to send us. We're not going to take it. No, that was a different. That was Twisted Sisters. Dee Snider. Yes.

Dee Snider. Dee. I thought Dee was a girl's name. No, his name's Dee. Just the letter? D-E-E. D-E-E. Dee. Like B, but name's D. Just the letter? D-E-E. D-E-E, D.

Like B, but with a D. Yes, thank you, Randy, for poisoning me. How many fucking people do you know named B? Fuck. B-E-E, like bumblebee. Some girls. B. MacArthur. B. Arthur is spelled B-E-A, not B-E-E.

So B-E-E's cool, B-E-A is not B-E-E. So B.E. is cool, B.E.A is girls? Well, T is spelled that way, too. What? There's a point, yeah, T-E-E, T-E-A. T-E-A. That's drink and that's T in golf, T. And T, T the rapper, T, that's it. They're all nouns, because they're people and things.

So who gives a fuck if they're nouns, Randy? Randy, what grade do you have? What grade do you have? I got grade 11. You don't have grade 11? I'm one ahead of Ricky. Five. Bullshit.

I got grade 11. You got your grade five, Randy. That's not true. Well, you must have went to grade six without anybody knowing. Oh, man. If you give me grade 11 test on something, I could pass it.

I know it. I think I fucked my mic over, bubs. That mic hasn't been plugged in for weeks, Ricky. Wow, she's really not working like she wants to. You broke it, finally. Test. All right, are we done here? I just told him it's not plugged in and he's still testing it. Uh, what else did we have to get, uh, talked about?

Um, oh, yeah! Listen to this one. A woman, she found a bloody tooth in a bag of cashews. Ugh. And it wasn't hers. Yeah. Must have been an animal tooth. That was of cashews. Ugh. And it wasn't hers. Yeah. Must have been an animal tooth.

That was probably from the bulk burn. What? People leave all kinds of shit walking by. It's just a little garbage can. What are you talking about? Don't throw stuff in the bins. Nobody fucking... I didn't say it was a self-bagged bag of cashews, but what are you talking about?

So if she went to the bulk barn and scooped out some cashews and put them in a bag, she should expect to have a tooth in there? You're in the grocery store, your tooth fucking comes out. What are you gonna do with it? You gotta get rid of it. No, I'd throw it in the cashews, in the bulk section. You throw stuff in all the different containers?

I'm not saying I do it all the time, but one time I, no, I don't know. What did you put in there? What have you thrown in the fucking bulk in? What else have you done in those containers? Cigarette butt. Ricky, you threw cigarette butts in the bulk shoes.

It's not like the fucking grocery store leaves garbage cans laying all around. They should, but they're like... Actually, they kind of do. Why are you smoking in the grocery store? I forgot you can't do that anymore. You used to be able to. Those were the days. Yeah. Oh, man.

Fuck. They've really ruined so much. Somebody goes and scoops out cashews and there's an old cigarette butt in there. That's not cool, man. You don't eat it. What do you do with it? Well, Ricky, you don't want to eat the cashews

either once they've been- People wouldn't buy the whole thing, yeah. Okay, maybe I won't try to do that ever again. Why don't you start a... You should have your own bucket in the bulk section, and you should just have it full of bots. People just go get a scoop of bots. That's a fucking good idea.

I was joking, Ricky. You should talk to that lady that was collecting the million bots. Get into business together. Great business idea, bud. Great business idea. Butts. Who in the fuck would want a scoop of butts? Bulk food butts.

Bulk butts. They might be good. They might be cheap. I don't know. No one would fucking buy them but you. If I would, then someone might. I don't know. Ah, big scoop of dirty old butts.

Then you take them up to the counter, you write the little number on the tag, and you set them might. I don't know. Big scoop of dirty old butts. Then you take them up to the counter, you write the little number on the tag, and you set them down. They're like, price check, I can't remember. What are the bulk butts worth? I think it'd be so big, it's all you'd have to sell. One item. So people could, like, just take their ass

So a whole store just called bulk butts? Bulk butts. And that's the whole store. Oh, God, that's disgusting. This is, here's the Belvedere butts in this bucket. You know what, the only place... You'll get a lot of traffic just from the name, because people might think it's something else.

No, you wouldn't, man. Oh, my God, yeah. You know what, the only places I would ever work would actually be in jail. If you had a bulk butt section in jail... Done. ...people would be fucking smoking. Well, yeah, it would work in jail.

That actually, that's a, that's actually not a bad idea. That's a terrible idea. You yeah, I would work in jail. That's actually not a bad idea. That's a terrible idea. You're not allowed to smoke in jail. That's why it'd be a great fucking idea, dickweed. There, I went through all my stuff. Yeah, I didn't have much.

When are we gonna find out from the king if I get that card? Check your email. I don't have the email. I have the email. We'll get the card for you, okay? Okay, I'll check with you every hour then. Come by any time with your free burger card. Ricky, Randy.

Okay, Randy, you can go now. Thanks, guys. Listen, this has been excellent. Oh, yeah, there's the other thing, though. Today's March 23rd. You guys remember what's happening tomorrow night. Oh, yeah, big show. Tomorrow night. Big show. Bubbles night. Oh, yeah, big show. Tomorrow night.

Big show. Bubbles and the Shit Rockers, first show happening tomorrow night. Sniggly Wigglies, Argyle Street, Halifax. Sniggly Wigglies, beer and booze concretery on Argyle Street in Halifax, Nova Scotia. If you're in town, it's the place to be, baby. All right, that was good. Thanks, guys. I'll check in a bit. Hey, we're going on tour soon,

and you fucking better not be an asshole. I'm not gonna be. Look, we're eating burgers. We might even have a free friggin' cart. We're going to a lot of good places. Don't touch me, Randy. Better not be a dick. Well... Good talk, boys. Good talk.

Go back to sleep, Ricky. Love you guys. Finish my burger. Tune in next week. No idea what's gonna happen. 007 007 007

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