Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 137 - Good Burger, Randy!

Episode Date: March 29, 2018

Bubbles is away with the sh*ts so Randy "Bubbandy" is here, and he's brought some healthy treats... NOT! The Boys talk about their upcoming April tour, the latest UFO sighting, and whether Randy should attend porn school. PLUS: Trailer Park Boys Season 12 is unleashed to Netflix! Episode 137 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. This is cool. This is nice. What is that smell? Is that you with the fucking what's in this bag? It's like greasy smelling. Well, I'll get to the stuff in the bags in a minute, Julian. Not greasy. It's just fucking stinky.

Where's Bubz anyway? Okay, as you all know, Bubz isn't here, obviously. We've got this fucking guy. Bubz has the shits. He's... He's around here, but I don't think we're going to see him. He's not doing good. I hate it when you have the shits. He's around here, but I don't think we're going to see him. He's not doing good. I hate it when you have the shits. No, he was trying to go on some cleanse thing before the big tour,

and it fucked him. Oh, man, I wear tighty-whities, and if I get the shits, it makes marks. What's up with this cleanse tour? Like, what the fuck is he? I don't know. He's trying to get healthy before he's doing a tour. Hey, being healthy is good. Nothing's wrong with it. He's trying to get healthy before he's going on tour. Hey, being healthy is good. Nothing's wrong with...

I'm trying to get healthier, too. I can't believe we're going on tour. It's going to be good. I don't... I'm not happy you're coming, Julian. I think that's fucked. I think you're wrong. I think it's a bad idea,

and we're probably going to just fight a lot, and it's going to be a goddamn nightmare. Okay, we'll get into that in a second. I'm going to start this up, all right? What's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. It's coming at you right now. This is episode 130-fucking...

Seven. It says 137. Oh, look at Randy go. March 30th. We're almost done with this fucking month, thank God. And we've got him with us today. Yeah, that's right. Rubbles. Rubbles, that's right Rubbles

Rubbles? You can be Rubbles I'm Randy You're Rubbles today, bud Rubbles, that's good Not Rubbles I get it Sounds like Bernie Rubble

He's on the Flintstones I like the Flintstones Or it could be Bandy Bernie's dumb Bandy Why are you guys making fun of me? Bandy Hey, Bandy

Listen Sounds good, man Guys, I just wanted to say Bandy. Why are you guys making fun of me? Bandy. Hey, but Bandy. Listen. Sounds good, man. Guys, I just wanted to say I want this tour to be fun. I want to have a good time. I'm going to work hard. Then don't come, and it will be fun. Listen, Julian's paying me. He's paying me pretty good.

I'm going to make the beds and make coffee in the morning. I've got to clean the toilet and do the vacuuming. Oatmeal. Oatmeal in the morning for breakfast. And I'm helping load the gear in. I'm going to want things done for me, too, if you're coming on this tour. Well, we can talk about that.

No, no, okay, let's get into it right now. What do you want done, Ricky? I'm going to need the odd meal made for me. No problem. I'll need, you know, maybe some joint rolling. Help with that. That's easy. You can heat up my hot knives for me.

I don't know if there's an actual stove element. I'm getting older. I'm getting sore sometimes. I might need a little massage. Strictly upper body. I think all those things can be done. That sounds fair. Wait, you'd want a massage from Randy?

Just my back. I give a good shoulder massage, Julian. You're not going to be touching me. I don't want a massage from you. You sometimes need muscles. Get the fuck, Randy. No touching. You'll probably get a little sore.

Okay, what's up with these bags? Okay, that's what I'm excited to tell you, but we were talking about... I'm trying to get healthier too, Julian. I know... I'm trying to get healthier, too, Julian. I know that you are trying to get healthier, or you are very healthy, so I got you some chicken from the king. Chicken from the king. Chicken's better for you, folks, apparently.

It's leaner and high in protein, so I got you... And it's deep-fried. Yeah. It's a deep-fried chicken. That's not good for you, man. You can't eat anything that's deep fried, for fuck's sake. Just because it's chicken doesn't mean it's healthy, man. It's deep fried. But it's chicken.

I got us burgers. It used to be chicken. It may not even have been chicken. It's some fucking type of something encrusted and then put in a deep fryer. I wouldn't really think it's healthy. You eat chicken fingers, for freak's sakes. Those are healthy. It's the same chickens.

All right? I don't think so. Listen, and I'm healthier because I'm cutting a bit down on the bun because the bun is what adds the weight, I guess. So I got double burgers, double cheeseburgers. You actually brought me a fucking burger. Yeah, I got all these. Well, some of them are my personal burgers, but you and I...

You know what, Randy? I'm impressed. You know how to fucking... You know how to bury the sword. Or try to, anyway. I've never buried a sword, ever. You've probably buried your sword. All right, I just want to make something clear. We're going on tour to make money.

So you've got to come up with some ways of making money while we're on tour, all right? What? Can you do that? You've got to make some money. And not by selling your smelly body. Well, no, wait, I was going to get into that, because if he does want to do that, and, you know, make a few dollars off it.

That's what I said. Less bun, more meat, high protein. And these are grilled so most of the grease comes out of it so you don't have to worry about it. Not bad. Flame broiled. Not bad. Okay, let's get into some shit here. What do we have? What's this? Not bad. Flame broiled. Not bad.

Okay, let's get into some shit here. What do we have? What's this? Take it over, Randy. You want to do this? You want to be in this podcast? Do something? Take it over? Is there any condiments on this? Yeah, man. You got some, uh...

Look, there's pickle, a little ketchup. Some mustard. What do you do? How do you rent it? What Some mustard. What do you do? How do you rent it? What's the... What are you doing? What's all these dates you guys got going here of different... People were born on this day. This is who got fucking born today.

Who got born? Vincent Van Gogh? That's fucking cool. 1853? Fuck. I should have did some painting today. So how do you introduce it? Do you go, all right, everybody, here's some famous people

that you may or may not know that were born today. Then you gotta cheers them, maybe. Take a bite of your burgers. All right. Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent Van Gogh, you're very talented and... Try not to chew too loud, people get pissed off. Burgers don't crunch.

All right. I hear a helicopter sucker. Who's up next? Hope it doesn't fall on us. It's hard to... In 1926... We don't care about him. Ingvar Kamprad?

Swedish businessman? Oh, fuck. Founder of IKEA. He's a big one. Founder of IKEA. This is a big day. Holy fuck. Eric Clapton?

March 30th is a big fucking day for birthdays. You know what? He died this year. MC Hammer. Didn't you have pants that were like MC Hammer ones? Yeah, I did. You know, like... They wore a bow.

Yeah, that poor... That poor sweet IKEA guy, he did die this year. How'd he die? Take a bite of your burger for him. Okay. I'll take a bite of mine. Smart fucking man. Those are so good.

Tracy Chapman. MC Hammer? Julian should have wore your pants. That's what I just said. Those weren't my pants. And they're gone. You look pretty good in those pants. Fuck off.

I must say. Tracy Chapman, whatever whatever the fuck out what happened to her I don't know what actually does a good tune she had just fucking awesome did a couple good albums the car was fast right yeah yeah owner what kind she probably had an eight-cylinder yeah she's. I think she just got too high. She smoked a lot of weed. Yeah. Did she? Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah. She just stopped singing because she was just too high. Maybe that was different Tracy. I don't know if I'm certain, man. I'm pretty sure she's still playing and shit. I'd like to go see her. We have a lot in common. I have a fucking clue, man.

And Piers Morgan, is he the guy that's on the friggin' 007? Chicago Times, we're on. Piers Morgan's on... Just the music and stuff. He's, he's, wasn't... How many different people have played 007? Uh, there was... James Bond.

Roger Moore. Roger Moore. But is that who this is, Piers Morgan? Wasn't he that guy? No, man, he wasn't the fucking James Bond, you idiot. Pretty sure Piers... He was the guy at the talk show. He was on that America's Got Talent or whatever it was.

He was a judge. That's Piers Morgan. That's who? Piers Morgan, isn't it? Oh, was it? I don't fucking know. Don't know. Anyway, I like... I think he's a news person.

I like James Bond movies. All right. Good burger, bud. See? I did the right thing. Chicken burger. Celine Dion. Oh, beautiful.

This is... Fuck, man. I don't think there's ever been more... She's from Quebec. Canadian. Well-known people born on one day in the year ever. Boy, she's beautiful. Nora Jones?

She's beautiful? Yeah, I think so you'd like Jones or Celine Dion or Tracy Chapman They should have a concert. That'd be a nice one. We really train wrecked there. Yeah, yeah, what happened? Who the fuck do you think this beautiful Celine Dion? Yeah, really if you had the chance to go out with her, you know, I would definitely cook her. You like the older French-Canadian singers? French-Canadians are very sexy. Would you settle down with Celine Dion if you could? Like, relationship?

Settle down? There's one problem with that. Do you have a man? I'm just trying to figure you out, Randy. She's not a man. Well, I know, but what is the deal here, Randy? There's nothing wrong with either sex, actually. No, we're not saying that.

We're just saying, what do you prefer? Wieners or caves? Guys, this is like a deep, deep question. I mean, it depends on how you feel. I'm kind of jealous. So every person you look at could be beautiful. Mm-mm. Oh.

Sam the caveman is hideous. Okay, so you wouldn't... What about Cyrus? Would you take something from Cyrus? No, because he has a bad personality. What if he was a nice guy? No, he's mean. I've never looked at Cyrus in those ways.

Not like you, Julian. I mean, you are handsome. Don't touch me. What about Sarah? Sarah? Sarah's Handsome. Sarah? Sarah's so beautiful. I talked to Sarah once and she didn't feel the same way.

Would you go out with her if you could? What about me? Anyway, I don't want to talk anymore about my relationships. That's my own private business. So let's look at another... Oh, look, Miss Fame. Who's Miss Fame? Oh, yes, Miss Fameeme. Who's Miss Feme? Oh, yes, Miss Feme!

American drag queen model. Whoa, what was that? Man. What a sexual noise. Of course. Miss Feme. Born in California. California's got it, everybody.

But we're going to be down that way. Can't wait. Like, next week. We should try to find her. Okay. I'm just... Yeah, we could. You're a different kind of person to figure out, Randy.

I gotta tell you. But that was... Guys, I'm telling you, there's a lot of very cool people born today. This is a hell of a day. I think we should get drunk. Let's do it. We should have fucking played Jeopardy. Jeopardy?

Yeah, I would have kicked the shit out of Randy. Okay. You got anything? What do you want to talk about? Well... Rubble? Don't call me Rubble. I'm Randy. Bubba Andy?

I was just thinking about some of the chores that I got to do because now that finally we're getting into the springtime season I got to clean out my barbecue because all the grease kind of goes down and there's a pan that goes on underneath and it filled

up and I got to change that pan. It kind of overflowed. That's really exciting. Real exciting. But, guys, I didn't know we were going to do this today. I just came to give you guys some lunch. Well, thank you. And say I want to have a good tour, you know?

And now here I am hosting podcast number 137. I think it's going pretty freaking good. You know, it's not, actually. So you're excited about the tour, and you have nothing to talk about, so... But I didn't know I was supposed to prepare anything. Do you guys try to talk about stuff that's funny? I brought a few things. Like, this was supposed to be for Bubbles to talk about.

That is a cat that was credited with rescuing a Pennsylvania couple from a fire. I've heard that. I've heard pets can... I don't know. They come and wake you up and stuff. I guess it drove the fire truck to the fire and it got the fucking hose going on its own.

Pets don't drive fire trucks, Ricky. Maybe I dreamt that part. No, all it did was alert the owners. It just meowed a lot. Well, it saved their lives. They probably didn't have smoke detectors. They're probably drunk. People are supposed to change the batteries and that every year when the time changes.

Otherwise, they won't friggin' work and you'll die. Cat came flying in the room and said, you guys gotta get the fuck out now. He did not. Yeah. That's not possible, though. You can't believe everything you read, Ricky. It doesn't... It's not always true.

Okay. Well, this was true. This would suck. This fucking poor woman. I'd like to talk to this person, actually, because I feel bad. Fuck. She got busted. DUI.

Going to her wedding. She's the bride. No. Yeah, Arizona. She's the bride. No. Yeah, Arizona. She's involved in a three-car wreck. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I'd like to find out what happened there. I wonder if she still got married or if he came to jail maybe and they got married at jail. No, I don't think that would have happened, man.

I'd like to get an update because there wasn't really much about it. How much booze did she have in her? Didn't really say much. Just said that she got taken away in handcuffs, arrested for DUI. You had arrested at a wedding once, didn't you? I wasn't the fucking bride. Obviously. I was the best man, which wasn't a good thing either, but...

Yeah. Oh, and I was also arrested at my wedding. That didn't happen. I was arrested as well, so... Anyway, that would suck. I hope that everything worked out and they still got married. Hopefully the husband wasn't a dick and said,

Oh, you got busted for DUI. We're done. Shit happens. Randy, has this ever happened to you? You go to eat something, then you realize, you know, you're digging in. It has expired. It's no good. You shouldn't be eating it. Does that happen to you?

No. I fucking one time had one of those milk things. Yeah, okay, I did the same thing. It's just, I was cold and I was hot, and I just started fucking chugging the milk, and then a big chunk of some shit went down my throat and I realized the fucking stuff was sour. Oh my God. I did that before I hung over at Herve.

He's back when I was 17. Large milk. Fucking gross. Ice cold. It was awesome. I have had some burgers. Hangover. And then, pfft.

Burgers were light. It was just like ice cream hit me in the face. Ugh. Fuck. I was going to throw up. Burgers suck too long. That's what happened to me. And don't eat grey bacon.

If you buy burgers from any fast food establishment, it's best to freeze them. Don't leave them too many in your fridge because it doesn't work. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying that it's just better like you can just take a frozen

burger, you just heat it up, flip it over a couple times, and then that works. Then your food doesn't go bad. Does your entire fucking life revolve around burgers, penises, and barbecues? Or is there more to your life? Like, how many cheeseburgers are in your fucking freezer and your fridge right now? in your fucking freezer and your fridge right now? I bet you I've got probably 40, 40 cheeseburgers in the freezer. In the freezer?

Yeah. All the same type, different types? All the same. All right. What about the fridge? Do you make your burgers, or do you buy them pre-made? Well, it depends on the store-bought

or if you just make them by hand and when they go on sale at different restaurants you go and you freeze them do you do you wrap them before you freeze them just freeze them in these little wrappers well i put them in in bags ziploc bags no store bags you can just wrap them and tie it on and chuck them in. Fascinating. You don't need that expensive zipper shit. Okay, back to my story. Randy, okay, you're talking about shit too long.

This one family, they got the cereal, they all sit around and start eating it. Expired 1997. That's some fucking old shit. What was it? Cereal, man. Did they eat it?

Quaker. Oats and honey. Did they, yeah. Oh, yeah, no. The father, I guess, ate the whole thing and was like, hey, tastes a little bit different. But the rest of the family were just, basically they just gagged like Monty Python style.

It might have been better. Stuff, sometimes it ages, right? And it gets better with age. Yeah, like cheese. Well, you have booze. But not cereal. Cheese. Who knows? Maybe we should try it.

Put a couple boxes away for ten years. Why would you do that? Would never last. It tastes better. What would be your... If you had to save four cereals that you could eat in ten years and you wanted to age them nicely, what would they be? Bran flake, no, raisin bran.

Mm. Maybe some honeycomb. All right. Sugar crisp. Alphabets. I bet you they'd crumble and then you wouldn't even be able to read them. Alpha dust. Yeah, it's just dust. Dust cereal with milk. Might be good. Be very sweet I

imagine. Here Randy, I'm gonna give you a story and see how you do with it. Okay. Says here... This is a good one. This would freak you the fuck out if you were a pilot. What the fuck is that? Wow that's quite the you the fuck out if you were a pilot. What the fuck is that? Wow, that's quite the heading. That's what the pilot really said. Mysterious object captured flying across Atlantic Ocean baffles U.S. Navy pilots. That was a couple weeks ago. Holy frick.

This is fucked up. All right. Some fucking UFO shit. I told you, the aliens are here, boys. Video footage has caught the moment a mysterious object flies across the Atlantic Ocean. In the video shot off the East Coast in 2015. Wow, it's so long ago.

And we're just hearing about this. The pilot can be heard getting excited about spotting the unidentified object as it speeds through the ocean. It was going through the ocean? It was going through the ocean. That's what it says here, is it speeds through the ocean.

You can't believe everything you're freaking reading. Christopher Mellon, an advisor at To The Stars Academy of Arts and Science, wrote in the Washington Post that the footage proved that it is time to set aside taboos regarding UFOs. I've heard a lot of people say it because I think there are UFOs, right?

Of course there are. Check it out. At one point, the camera manages to clearly capture the object. Look at that. It's like a TIE fighter. Looks like a TIE fighter off Star Wars. See?

See? They knew. You know what I think it is? I didn't know that they could travel in time. I've been thinking a lot about this shit, boys. Time travelers. I just knew what it was, like time travel. Well, it's going to eventually happen, isn't it?

I wish Bubbles was here because he'd be able to fill us in on it, but at some point that's going to happen, and boom, they're going to come back and they're going to be like, fuck, I'm going to really fucking freak people out. I'm going to come back in a TIE fighter. Don't you have to get into a black hole or some weird space bomb shit? That's what they're saying. So why can't it be, I mean, in the future, yeah, it's happened,

and people are coming back. So there's people here? It's fucking me up. So it's not just aliens anymore, buddy. I think it's humans. All the billionaires or fucking time travelers came back and knew what to do. Exactly. I guess the video here was captured by a camera on board a U.S. Navy jet flying at 25,000 feet.

And the pilot could be heard excitedly shouting, Whoa, got it! Before laughing. The pilot then adds, What the fuck is that? The conversation then begins with the pilot and the weapons officer. The officer says, oh my gosh, dude. And the pilot adds, look at that flying.

Look at that flying? Yeah. So it's flying. The weapons officer just calls the pilot, dude. Look at that, they're flying. He's probably a surfer, I imagine. Great story. See, how did I do with that one?

What do you think, guys? It was all right. It could have been a lot better. You could have made it more exciting. Go, holy fuck, you wouldn't believe me. What the fuck is that? Excuse me. That's better? Nice. That burger fucking did it to me. Yeah the fuck is that? Excuse me. That's better? Nice.

That burger fucking did it to me. Yeah, I know. It's good. Okay, and there's going to be a lot of drinking during this tour, so I know sometimes people fuck around and dare each other to do shit, like eat shit, you know what I mean, like bugs or worms. You ate a worm one time. Gross. But this one chick down in Australia, she was left quadriplegic after swallowing a garden snail as a dare.

She ate the snail. Boom. She's fucked. Why? Don't know, man. Cut off her hair? There's the chemicals inside this fucking thing. Really?

A little fucking snail? A little snail, man. Fucked her? Yeah. We got to find out what kind of snail it was. No, she should have cooked it. You could use it as a weapon. You got to kill the germs on snails.

You've heard of the escargots? Escargot, yeah. What about them? Well, they're cooked, right? Some butter. They're good. They're yummy. Yeah, that's weird.

Fucking snail. You can't infect it with something called rat lung worm. Fucking gross. Yeah, that's weird. Fucking snail. You can't infect it with something called rat lung worm. Fucking gross. Yeah, exactly. A rat lung worm? Yep. It was in the snail? I mean, as much as I don't, you're not really my friend, Randy,

I don't want you to turn into a quad, so no eating shit on tour. That's fucked. No, no, no. Like that, bugs and shit. You got to cook them. Next thing, the Russians will be doing that to people. Feeding them snails. Yeah.

Well, there's like worms in tequila, but that's different because the liquor takes care of the worms. It's not a rat throat worm, is it, Randy? Corporate man feels he wears high heels to work because they make him feel empowered. Check this dude out. He does not give a fuck. I bet Randy's impressed with that shit.

I bet he gets a lot of attention. Well, that guy. I can't see his feet, so it's kind of pointless. Oh, yeah, there we go. Ladies' shoes are very, very nice, I must say. It is hard. Have you ever put the heels on? He's fucking embracing it, too. I was a man-whore, everybody, and when you wear pumps and stuff, It is hard. Have you ever put the heels on? He's fucking embracing it, too.

I was a man-whore, everybody. And when you wear pumps and stuff, it's hard. So how do you walk in those fucking things? You have to practice. Like, your feet are wide, right? I look good in a red dress and a nice pair of shoes. No, you don't. You don't.

That's not what a lot of people said. They liked me. Well, that's good. I'm glad some people liked you, Randy. You're just not my type. You're not my type either, Ricky. Who is your type? Check this fucking guy out.

Can you do that, Randy? That's the biggest fucking... You just freaking... Get his book of records right there. Oh. Here he goes. Check this dude out. Three.

He did it. Two, one. Take off. What the? He must be grunting like that. All right, get her going, dude. Man, he's like a... He's got it going.

It's like a trampoline size. That's a big fucking hula. If you got hit in the face with that frigging thing, it would kill you. Hula hoop. Wow, this guy is cool. Hula hoop. Ricky hula.

Wow. All right, this is, wow. Just going to do something like that and get in the world. Just fucking blow me away. That's the best thing I've seen yet today. Shut, Randy. What? Shut that off!

That was actually doing it. Piece of paper. Piece of paper weighs a few grams. Jesus Christ. That is what you call quality. Well, these are really interesting to do, guys, I must say. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, it's great. I'm kind of glad I came by.

I like these fucking cocksuckers. Wanted to freak people out, scuba divers, so they put a statue of a life-size statue of Jason. Jason? You know, the Halloween halloween cocks guy with the fucking knife no yeah put a life-size statue of him underwater no they didn't come up to that little cocksucker how did it go the fucking every time you see him you go you could die what if he died what do you know what i'm saying you You're underwater, you see Jason, you shit yourself, you puke and you're... stuff and you drown.

Maybe they... yeah, I never thought about that. I guess they could get sued. You probably know. It's a lake. Lakes aren't deep, are they? Lake... lakes can be very deep. No, it's not ocean. Yes, or the Loch Ness Monster, that lake's... The Great Lakes, man, they're deep. No, but it's real deep. It's dark water.

It's like... They're not deep. They're just big. What, the Loch Ness? The lakes. Oh. The Great Lakes. They're big.

Holy fuck. Tell me you got something fucking fascinating. Recycled land fuel meat gives junk food a whole new meaning. This is down in the Philippines. Recycled land rover? Landfill meat, man. Oh. They go into the landfill and find some fucking meat.

That looks pretty good. Of course it looks good to you. What in the? They're just cooking it out. But it's called peg peg. And it's just dirty old fucking junk. Yeah, I don't like it. Landfill meat, man. It's a peg peg. And it's just dirty old fucking junk. Yeah, I know. Landfilled meat, man.

It's disgusting. People are living off this stuff, though, man. The amount of food waste in the world is fucked. Wish they could find something to do with it. So this is what you guys do? It's usually a hell of a lot more fun when you're not here. Like you guys just sit here, though, the entire time? Well, normally we have the real Bubbles here,

and he's a fuck of a lot smarter than you, so he has opinions on shit. Why don't you guys play some games and stuff? We usually do play some games, but... We knew you'd be too dumb to play, so... I'm not dumb. I'm good at games. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What's your go-to game? Tic-tac-toe. Tic-tac-toe. Tic-tac-toe. Well you can play any, there's always a place to make- That's hours of fun, eh? Tic-tac-toe? No, it's just, it's pretty fast. Andy, you're so stupid. Okay, this is a nice one.

What is this one, Ricky? What was that? Of course Quebec has a school for pornsters. Oh! Ha, Quebec. Told you about the French Canadians. Yep. How does a school work exactly, I wonder? I guess for a low, low price of $149,

you can learn how to be a porn star. You might even get a job too. I should do it. I could do some porn. Randy, no one wants to see you in porn. Maybe there are some people that do it. I could do some porn. Randy, no one wants to see you in porn. Maybe there are some people who would like to. How does $149 make you a star, though? They teach you how to do it.

It says Quebec Porn Studios, Pegas Productions is offering classes for male porn stars. I'm male, according to this paper. So I wonder if it's male or female instructors. porn stars. I'm male, according to this paper. So, I wonder if it's male or female instructors. I guess they started the school because they're having a hard time finding good actors for its movies.

The class is an opportunity for the studio to find stars who can endure the rigors of performing for the cameras. I can perform for cameras. We're in front of cameras. You've done porn, Ricky. Don't you have to have a big wang, though?

Didn't you do that Love Bone one or whatever the fuck frig it was? We didn't get through it. But it wasn't because of me. I was fully functional. No, you were thinking about somebody else. You couldn't do it. Well, I didn't want to cheat on Lucy. There, I said it.

You shouldn't have fucking said you're going to do a porn then. All right. So if you're thinking of signing up in hopes of getting some action, stop right there. Oh, yeah, some people just want to get laid. But the class consists of both a theatrical, I've done plays, and practical session. But the latter is performed with underwear on. I always wear underwear. They're always clean, pretty much.

Basically, the students simulate changing, challenging positions. I used to do yoga. I can do that. They accepted ten people in their first class. It'd be a tough fucking role as a teacher. I guess they're looking for larger than average penises. There you go. But nothing too big.

Well, that's me. It's, well, it's... I'm pretty sure this place... The problem with a huge penis is that it can be tough to stay hard. That's true. I've tried several. And so let's say we need to film for an hour. A person with a large penis can have a lot of difficulty with that. I'm sure they're not going to slam the door on some guy with a fucking huge wang.

They're going to say, come on in, let's see what happens here. That's why they have fluffers and stuff, to keep it going. You know a lot about this shit, man. I've been around, Julian. Have you ever been a fluffer? I don't want to talk about that, Ricky. Has Smokey ever been a fluffer? Definitely, yes.

Okay, is that it? Montreal's considered the poor capital of Canada. Of course they are. Where did this one come from? I think Julian... He should do this one. No, go for it, Randy. All right.

You're doing good. I like your last one. I'm doing all right, okay, go for it, Randy. Alright. You're doing good. I'm doing alright, okay. This is great, everybody. Moose jaw man falls down chimney trying to elude police. Sword in hand. What? He had a sword

in his hand. Was it his sword? Like his penis? He falls down a chimney like Santa Claus. That's Moose Jaw Saskatchewan, everybody. He falls down a chimney. A Claus. That's Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, everybody. He falls down a chimney. A man is in custody after throwing bricks at police from a rooftop in Moose Jaw. That sounds like something you'd do.

Then falling down the chimney into the building's furnace. That would suck. Where's the sword come in? Was it winter? Jeez, it was on a Saturday. It would suck where's the sword come in was it winter jeez it was on a Saturday it was sucks I tried to talk the man down

but instead he threw bricks at the officers he must have had some anger I like this guy he's got balls then the police

negotiator showed up I wonder if it was like that movie that's who I'd like to be I'd like to be a fucking police negotiator. Where are you going? I wouldn't need one of those fucking news and mind games.

Like, bud, fuck off. Just fuck off, all right? Look at the money you're wasting here. Just get the fuck off the ledge. Fuck. Just tell him to get the fuck off the ledge. That's going to get him off the ledge. Just come down here.

We'll smoke a fucking joint. You're dealing with people that got problems. Look at this shit. You know what? If you brought up cheeseburgers with you, if you happen to have some cheeseburgers, have a cheeseburger. That would get anybody off a ledge.

Anyway, the police negotiator showed up. The man tried to get off the building by climbing into the chimney. That's a weird movie. Watch too many Santa Claus movies. That's fucked. He fell down the chimney about 15 meters into a furnace. 15 meters.

That's a bad fucking fall. That's a lot. That's higher. That's 30 feet or more. But he couldn't get out, and he called for help. Once the firefighters got there, got him free, the man who was found with the sword, he must have just had it on him and fell down the chimney.

He was charged with mischief and assaulting a police officer. That's a... Who jumps down a fucking chimney? Why? Maybe he thought he could do that thing where you just hold your... No, but that's going to get... You're now, like, in a fireplace. The cops are just going to come in and grab you.

Maybe he jumped in the chimney and took the sword to try to hit the sides and slow him down. Best way to get him out, turn the fucking furnace on and see what happens. I wonder what kind of sword. Do you think it was like a Japanese sword? A fucking sword.

When you're getting stabbed with a sword, you're fucking trying to find out what the make is. Do you think it was like something like from Game of Thrones? Yeah, it's what it was. Who fucking knows, Randy? It's a goddamn sword. It's a fucking exact replica of that sword from Game of Thrones. You fucking idiot.

Way into the details, man. This has been fun, everybody. Yeah, can't wait to go on tour. It's going to be fun. We're not going to fight, okay? Where are we starting? I don't even remember. Edmonton? In Calgary?

Calgary, I think, man. Good old Alberta. Then we head down the west coast of... the Union States? The United States. All the way down right to Texas, man. And I think, you know, we're gonna get drunk for all these peoples that got born today,

but most importantly, what else happens today? I think, you know, we're going to get drunk for all these peoples that got born today. But most importantly, what else happens today? What? What do you mean what? You forgot, didn't you? Well, it's March 30th. What does that mean? It's the end of the month?

The new fucking season starts today. Today? All right, the new season starts today. Check that out. Maybe go to trailerpertboys.com and buy some shit. Go to Netflix. Fucking binge watch it. Let us know what you fucking think.

And then buy some shit. Comment and then buy some shit. You can comment how dumb Randy is. Don't say I'm dumb. Because I'm not. And we'll see some of you fuckers soon on the touring. Alright. Cheers. That's it. I'm out I'm dumb, because I'm not. And we'll see some of you fuckers soon on the touring. All right.

Cheers, that's it. I'm out of here. Make sure you fucking shower, Randy. Stick, man.