Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 139 - Friday the 13th

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

The Boys have survived Friday the 13th before, will they get through today's podcast? They discuss their favourite movies (OTHER than Dirty Dancing), who got bornt today, and why sliced ketchup is an awesome idea. Also: Bubbles want YOUR questions and suggestions for the podcast! Listen to his instructions, then send 'em to [e-mail]! Episode 139 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Me and Julio fucked in school, yeah What the fuck are these things? Rangalos What are they? What are they made out of? Potato rings They're Rolos Rolos are made of chocolate, Ricky

Rangalos are potato crisps Potato crisps, but then they just make them They compress them into a ring somehow. They probably make them on rods, big rod, and a blade comes in and chops them into those. What does aloes mean? Ring-o-loes. It is a ring. Why would they have to add anything else?

Just rings. Many rings. Many rings. That's a good point, Ricky. I don't know what the L-O's part is. Ring-a-Los. Fucking good when you're big, though. I know that. Ring-a-Los. Are you spooked, bubs?

I am spooked. Friday the 13th? Don't want to eat one of these even in case I choke. Friday the 13th. Bad luck day. We've been here before. We survived it. I know. I think kiddies, I want to say right now, black kiddies get a bad fucking rap on this day. Yeah, what's the deal? Where did that originate,

that whole fucking... I thought that was Halloween. Yeah, that is Halloween, man. Ma, Friday the 13th, ooh. Opal blamed everything on black kiddies all the time. There was a movie about it. I forget what it was called. Friday the 13th, right? Friday the 13th. One, two, three. Right. Wow. How could you forget what the movie about Friday the 13th was called?

Because I kept thinking about that other one. It's about another holiday. Halloween? Yes. Thank you. Brain, not brain. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. movie about Friday the 13th with called? Because I kept thinking about that other one. It's about another holiday. Halloween? Yes. Thank you. Brain not working great today. Today? Holy fuck, man. What other movies do you like, Reggie?

That you can't remember? Well, you know what? It's funny because somebody wrote a little letter and they were asking about that type of a question uh this is from matt question for you three maybe it'll happen to sneak its way onto that beautiful podcast you've got going what is your favorite non-action movie of all the time? Julian, I'll assume your answer is Dirty Dancing. Ricky and Bubbles, what about you guys? Favorite non-action movie of all time?

It's a tough one. No, it's not that tough. I'll tell you right now. I don't know many movies that don't have any action. I was just talking like a drama, a comedy? Non-action. Non-action, so? No action.

No action. Something lame. What would Smokey and the Bandit be classified as? Come on. Is that an action movie? That's action. Yeah, that's why I couldn't say that. Stunts and shit.

No, it had the trucking in it. Convoy? No, that's an action movie. When Harry Met Sally. See, that's kind of, you like that movie. They were getting had the trucking in it. Convoy? No, that's an action movie. When Harry Met Sally. See, that's kind of... You liked that movie. They were getting... He was getting some action.

Mm-hmm. You cried during that movie. That's an action movie. Here's mine. What? Slingblade. That's a good one. Okay.

It ain't got no gas in it. Remember that? Yeah. Red fried potatoes. Yeah. What you got to eat in there? I like those two Bolin movies. Big Lebowski?

That was one. There was another one, too. Kingpin. Kingpin. Munster, yes. Kingpin. Those were two good movies. Yeah.

One Flew Over the Cocoa's Nest. Good movie. Yeah, that was a great movie. I'd pick that one. It was about an hour too long, but it was good. Shawshank Redemption. Pretty good. Yeah.

Shawshank. Yeah, that was great. How many times did we watch Shawshank? It was great, but it wasn't true. Green Mile. How many times did we watch that in our jammies? Yeah, Eminem was good in that. Hmm. That was 8 Mile, Ricky.

8 Mile, man. The other one. Green Mile, the guy that could suck the bugs out of people. Oh, he had a pet... hamster? No, different movie. I forget. He had a mouse. He had a mouse. And then that dickhead stomped on him. He was a big, big fella. He was. I think that poor fella passed away.

Yeah, he's gone. What a shame. Great big fella. Michael Duncan. Michael Duncan. Where did that come from? Where'd you pull that? See, sometimes... See, it's the brain.

It works, man. Sometimes. It's like a frog catching flies. Sometimes you get the fly, and you can pull it out and get it. Other times, you're sticking that down, and it's just not coming. It's like a frog catching flies. Sometimes you get the fly, and you can pull it out and get it. Other times you're sticking that tongue out, and it's just not coming. It's there, but you can't pull her out. He just said, sometimes you're sticking that tongue out, and it's just not coming. So if anybody just tuned in right at that moment, they wouldn't know what the fuck he was talking about.

Anyway, that's what we got for you, Matt, for answers, I guess. Julian is going to stick with Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing was not my favorite fucking movie, boys. Oh, no? No. What is it? I don't fucking know what... I like action movies, okay?

Well, this said favorite non-action movie. Besides your favorite rom-coms that you're always watching. The what? You know you like a good rom-coms that you're always watching. The what? You know you like a good rom-com. I don't know, man. I like that. The romantic comedy he needs. The Big Lebowski.

I like that one. All right. Okay, that's it. All right, let's get into something. Well, it's April 13th. Did you do the fucking introduction yet? No, I didn't. Oh, great.

What? Go ahead, and didn't. Oh, great. What? Go ahead and then I'll do my thing. What's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is fucking April 13th, episode 139. Podcast. Go to the merch store, buy some shit.

Decent. One of these days we're going to get paid for that, I promise. Is there any more of those Roll-Oleos? Yeah, man. Boys, I don't want you chewing Ring-a-Lots. Okay. Here, bud. Wow, what's that one?

Give us one. You give me one half. It's not even one, it's a C. It's a cock ring. Cock ring for Kermit the Frog. Let's see who was born today. Who got born in April 30th. Oh, just wait.

Okay, fuck. God damn it. I want to introduce a new segment. 139 episodes. Yep. I don't think once have we ever asked people if there's anything they wanted to see or if they had any questions or comments.

I don't think we've ever done it. Something they want us to talk about, like a subject. Yeah. Questions. All right. So here's what I was thinking. Or body parts they might want to see. I already gave out Corey's email.

Yeah, you did. CoreyRandyTreverson at gmail.com. Hit us up. They can put it up on the screen. CoreyRandy Treverson. At Gmail, if anybody has any particular things, like ideas, for things they want us to do or things they want us to talk about. Games.

Games. Liquors. We'll take all the suggestions. I will. And I'll go through them. Just to give back to the people. That's what I'm doing. What if somebody asks us to play spin the bottle?

Well, we don't have to do everything they ask. I'm just saying. They're throwing out ideas. Somebody might say, yeah, why don't you grab Ricky's wiener? And obviously I'm not doing that. Again. Let's see who got born today. 1570s. Is that really that long ago?

That was a long time ago. Guy Fawkes. Who? Who's he, Fawkes? He was convicted in a gunpowder plot to blow up the British Parliament. So? I don't know why that's here. In the 1500s?

Thomas Jefferson, he was a pretty famous fellow. Yes, he owned a laundromat. He was born in Albemarle County, Virginia. Yeah. Oh, this is... Butch Cassidy. The real Butch Cassidy. Robert Leroy Parker.

American Desperado. Desperado. He was born in Beaver, weren't we all? Utah. Ricky, it's a place. Beaver, Utah. Died in 1908. Died in 1908.

1964, Canadian actress Caroline Ray. Nice. Nice. Okay. 1972, Mike Kennedy, NHL left winger for the Dallas Stars. Born in Vancouver, Canada. All right. Wow. That was amazing.

Not as good as the last one, I don't think. Well, that's because it's April 13th. Friday the 13th, people get scared to be born on that day. So there's not many borns. Not many borns. Not many borns. Not too many borns. All right, check this out. I got something really cool here, boys. You know when you take a chick out on a date and you're...

No. You're getting your food at the drive-through, you park, you're getting all your shit out to eat, and boom, catch up all over the fucking place, right? You feel like a dick. I don't know. There's something they've got coming out now, and it's ketchup slices. No more fucking ketchup all over your cock and balls. What is that shit?

That looks fucked. Sliced ketchup. Yeah. What do you do with it? You put it on like a piece like a cheese what about french fries you can't dip into that he's got you there dickhead you make a french fry sandwich with it how's that oh that'd be lovely and as if that's not going to melt all over your fingers. It looks disgusting. Well, they obviously had to add chemicals to it to make it into a slice. Well, yeah, they probably did, but I'm just saying it's probably going to do well. Yeah, could I get a double cheeseburger, two slices of cheese, two slices of ketchup, please?

Next thing you know, they'll have sliced mayo. Inconvenient, no mess, eight-portion bag. Wow. That sounds fucked to me. Yeah, what if they start making, you know, sliced everything? Sliced bread, sliced lettuce, sliced onions. Where does it stop? Then it'll just be everything sliced.

It's stupid. We should open a restaurant called Slice. And everything, Ricky, is a square the exact same size. There's your bread slice. It's a square. There's your cheese. There's your burger. There's your ketchup.

There's your mayo. There's your lettuce. There's your onion. There's your top bun. And it just looks like a brick. You know, out of Minecraft or something. I like it. I'd eat it.

Slice. I'd be into that. And then you could eat it with a fork and knife like a piece of tiramisu. Okay. But it would be easy. You just fucking got to eat this as fast as I possibly can. It's like a block. No mess, no crumbs.

Yeah, it's like a food brick. It's like a food block. Could I have a food block, please? You thought my car was fucked driving around the town? This severely burnt-out car spot driving on the Chinese roads. Look at this fucking thing. Holy fuck. It's driving around. I love it.

Jesus, Murphy. He had a bad fire. Yeah, that's a bad one. That is a bad fire. I wonder how the fuck it still works. Is there more? That is a bad fire. I wonder how the fuck it still works. Mm-hmm. Is there more? He's gonna...

Oh, holy fuck! Jesus, Murphy! Holy fuck! He's having a fucking horrible day with that one. Look at that. There's more. Look at the air sign of it, Ricky? I fucked.

Okay, I didn't know it was that fucking bad. That's way worse than my girl. Yeah, she's burned out pretty good. That's fucked. You're fucked. You're fucked. All right, we got some more stories here. Not really.

That was a great segue. That's it. We're done. We're dead? Done. Oh, my fuck. Now, this is ridiculous. China's smallest mountain is less than one meter high.

All it is is a fucking boulder. That's a mountain. It's not a fucking mountain. People are coming to see this fucking mountain. Believe me. They're coming in by the thousands. What's it called? Mount fucking stupid. Okay, it is...

Mount stupid. Come see Mount Stupid, everybody. Jing San, the smallest mountain in the country. It's not a fucking mountain. It's like two feet high. It's a rock. It's a fucking rock, but people are coming here, man, to fucking see this.

Somebody probably saw Jesus' face in it or something. No, it's just a fucking boulder, bud. What in the fuck is this? What? South Korea's penis. Oh, I thought it said penis shark. Penis shark.

It's a penis park. Draws an Olympic crowd. Penis park? Oh, I saw that on the news. It's just a whole bunch of statues, but people have great big wings. See, it's not as cool now. I thought it said penis shark. I thought it was a shark with...

What would a penis shark do? Be scared to death of it. I don't know. Would he be shaped like one? Or would he just bite at yours? When you're swimming, that's what he aims for. That would be a bad

predator to deal with. He's swimming around going... It's the only one thing I like to eat. Oh, man. Do you ever hear of this guy named Nyland down in the States? Chris Nyland? No, no, no. He's a guy that fucking, he rescues cats from trees, man.

He's 64, retired. He spent two days trying to get the fucking thing out of the tree. Now he's doing it. He bought all kinds of gear. Look at this fucking guy. Look at the technique. What the fuck's he doing? Yeah, that got your interest, huh. What the fuck's he doing? Yeah, that got you interested.

What the fuck's going on here? You're fucking up. What's going on? Wow, he's using a fucking can of food. That's original. That broke the ice. No, no, no. Wait till you see this fucking thing he's got on the go. See?

He's getting his little bag out. A little bit too quick for that. With? He's got him little bag out. With? No, no, look. Look, he's got a glove inside the bag. Okay. See? See what he's doing? Here we go.

There. Does that feel better? Does that feel better? Then what's he do? Grabs the thing by the neck and hauls the bag over it. Say hello. Okay. Everything's cool.

That's a pretty good technique. He's very gentle. You approve, bubs? He's very gentle. He's very gentle. He's very gentle. He's betrayed you. See? You know what?

We've got to get a hold of people like this, man. Love to talk to that guy. Talk to this guy. Here's another fucked up cat story, bubs. He did great, actually. I'm very proud of him. It's a good one. Because that kitty, he was up about fucking...

He was up there, man. ...over 100 feet. This guy doesn't fuck around. That guy is risking his life. Lost cat returns home 14 years after hurricane. Yeah, I don't doubt it. Because cats are smart. That's a long time.

Yeah, it is. 14 fucking years. Jesus, I've had kitties go missing before, but not for that long. A Florida man whose cat disappeared in the aftermath of a 2014 hurricane has been reunited with his beloved pet 14 years later. How does he know? The cat was found in Australia late last week. Officials discovered he had a microchip

It was the same kitty Holy fuck that's cool 14 fucking years later I'd guess who we found Decent That is one of the Best stories I've heard Okay we should throw

If anybody out there knows this Randall Kolb He's in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Baton Rouge. We've got to talk to this guy. We've got to make this happen, man. I would like to talk to him. This is a great guy.

Saving cats. I would like to talk to him. I'd like to have another beer. I'd like to do it. What? I didn't really need to see this headline today. What's that? End of the world?

Question mark? Voicemail. Link to Stephen Hawking. Warns of April alien takeover. Stephen Hawking? Could be. Stephen Hawking said there's aliens coming? Just wait now.

That's better. That's not good. End of the world. Voicemail linked to Stephen Hawking. Warns of April alien. Oh, now. Fucking hold on. Stephen Hawking, if he's saying it, I fucking listen.

Fear and paranoia sparked many, many claims. Could be a clue to what happened to MH370 What? The truth about aliens and the date of the end of the world The code is said to be in the NATO Phonetic alphabet And has been translated as S-Danger-SOS It is dire for you to evacuate

Be cautious, they are not human 04-293-3964-2300 SOS-Danger-SOS So shit could be going down at any time now. Others have since received a longer version of the message. Extended version said, this is not a test, this is not a joke. Over the past several years, we've been wanting to send an automated voice message to people who understand and are not afraid.

What's this got to do with fucking Stephen Hawking? What newspaper was this in? Oh, the fucking, Hawking. What newspaper was this in? Oh, the fucking... The Express. Whatever. Stephen Hawking wouldn't have said that. Wouldn't say that. All right.

Sorry, bubs. I'm glad that... So not to worry about aliens? Well, I still worry about them, but not because they say it in that paper. I still believe... This, but not because they say it in that paper. I still believe, you know... This would be kind of frustrating. Dead man balking.

What the fuck does that mean? What? Dead man what? What does balking mean? Balking. B-A-L-K-I-N-G, balking? Yeah, instead of banking, it has an L. No, instead of walking, it has a B. Dead man walking would be the term.

Wouldn't make sense, though. That's what they say to people, death row inmates, when they're walking to get the... Get electrocuted. Go to the land of the deadies. They say, dead man walking. This guy's about to be fucked. Anyway. What's this about to be fucked. Anyway.

What's this got to do with it? The court rejected a Romanian man's claim that he is, in fact, alive. They're like, no, you're not, bud. You're dead. And then what does he write back saying? No, I'm alive. He just doesn't understand why they won't believe him. He's alive.

Is he talking to them in person? I can't read it. It's too small. He can't be. He must be talking to them by the internet. Oh, his wife? He went away and his wife had officially registered him as dead. So they're just being precks.

I ain't no too late, bud. You already just declared yourself dead, so that's it. You fucked up. You're dead now. You guys want to play a round of Jeopardy? Oh, fuck. Is this going to be scary? Why would it be scary, Ricky?

Because it's Friday the fucking 13th. No, I didn't even think of that. There's nothing scary about Jeopardy. But I think we should have a game. Because it's very... Let's have a game. Very enjoyable. This game was played 25 years ago today.

This round. Here was the category. No, that's not it. Nope. 1993. Fuck. This game was played in April 1993. Get it going. The categories are 1951.

Don't like it. Sports. Oh, fuck. Food and drink. Science. Guinness records. And Esperanto. What does that mean?

Don't know. Don't care. Don't pick it. Okay. Food and drink. 200. Let's go to Espinato for... Espinato?

Esperanto for 100. Esperanto for one... What the fuck? What is that? For 100. This fried breakfast meat is a lardo. Don't know, man. Why'd you push the button?

I don't know. I was going to say fucking lardo. That's what you were going to say? No, I know. What is it? Bacon, breakfast meat, sausage, bacon, ham? This fried breakfast meat is Lardo, and the category is Esperanto, so it must be... Italiano.

What is salami? Don't fuck with me. No, it was bacon. That's what I said. No. Yes. You didn't nod. I said bacon. Way too late. You were fucking... No, it was bacon. That's what I said. No. Yes. You said not. I said bacon.

Way too late. You were like, bacon, sausage, and... I said bacon, and then I said fucking sausage, and... You didn't say, what is bacon? You said,

I was going to say... What is bacon? What is bacon? Got it. Moving on. Okay. 100 for me. Okay, I don't...

Get out of that category. I hate it. Yeah, you shouldn't have picked that category, man. That was confusing. You were leading with 100, Julian. What category? I don't fucking think so.

You don't get to look. Food and drink. Food and drink for 100. The answer is English breakfast and Irish breakfast are types of this. What is tea, motherfucker? Goddamn, fuck this game. Tea. Julian goes into the league.

200 points he has. $200, I mean. 200 bucks. Which category? Let's go food and drink, buddy. 200. Food and drink for 200. Oh, and it's a liquor question.

It's the kind of liquor you need to make a Highland Cooler. Oh, fuck. A Highland Cooler. Too fancy for both of you guys. Think about it. Highland. What do they make in the Highland? What is Scotch? Oh, fuck. Do you just have to name one or...? You don't need...

Scotch! Boom! Ricky ties it. Ties it for $200 each. I... Scotch! Boom! Ricky ties it. Ties it for $200 each. Ricky, which category? Sports, baby. For $100. Sports.

In the recent battle of the sexes... This is 25 years ago now. In the recent battle of the sexes, Jimmy Connors beat this player for about one million. Who did Jimmy Connors beat 25 years ago?

Oh, I'm... Jesus Christ. Who is Billie Jean King? No. Who is Martina... Oh, fuck. ...Avratilova?

Ricky got it. No, you... Are you serious? Right there. Martina Navratilova. Good job, Ricky. Ricky's beating Julian. 300 to 200.

Let's go for another one. Come back, kid. Just watch that movie. 300 to 200. Ricky, it's your choice. What are the choices again, please, Alex? I knew that wasn't it. 1951.

Nope. Sports, food and drink, science, Guinness records, or Esperanto? Science. Oh, fuck. For 100? Why are you laughing, Ricky? This is not good. Because you don't know anything about science?

Nothing. I know about fire. Science. For 100. Found in woody structures such as straw and corn cobs. Oh, fuck. Xylose is a form of this sweet substance. What is sugar?

Ricky! What is glucose? Ricky. Sugar. Science, man. sweet substance. What is sugar? Ricky! What is glucose? Ricky! Sugar! Science, man! Science. Are you fucking kidding me? 400?

200? We do tell them the fucking answer. I didn't tell them that. Bullshit! It said sweet. So it's either a person or sugar. Okay. There's a scientific brain at work.

That's it. There's the science man. Ricky, keep going. What other categories haven't we done? That's all, well, 1951, haven't done that one. Guinness records, haven't done that one. Let's try a Guinness record. Guinness records for 100.

With over 7,400 feet of track, the Beast at Kings Island is the longest one of these in the U.S. What is a fucking roller coaster? Oh my fuck, that's it too. Roller coaster! Oh baby. Ricky is destroying the wind. I am getting fucking hammered tonight. Let's go for a 900. Hammered.

Let's go for it. All for nothing. Destroying. All for nothing. This is an all or nothing? Yeah. Well he gets to pick. What category? Science. No, not science. Okay, this is a winner takes all.

Are we in agreement? I don't know. It doesn't seem that fair. Let's play one more then, Ricky, before we decide. To see if you can just keep kicking his ass. That's cool. All right. Bring it. Let's cool. All right.

Bring it. Let's talk about food and drink. What do we have in that one? Food and drink, we would be on to question for 200. I'm in. Oh, no, sorry, it would be for 300. All right, Biggie, it's going to be a tough one. 300.

This color flannel is in the name of a hash that's perennially popular in New England. That's not hashish, Ricky. Can I please? What is corned beef hash? This color of flannel. Oh, fuck. I don't fucking know. The color of flannel?

This color of flannel is in the name of a hash That's perennially popular in New England The tartan hash What is blue? Blue England clam chowder What is a tartan? What is a tartan chowder? Blue! Ricky!

Bull fucking shit! Ricky! Bullshit! He got it! You told him I didn't tell him I knew about New England's Okay They're blue chowders Ricky is fucking big You told him. I didn't tell him. I knew about New England's.

Okay. Their blue chowders. Ricky is fucking beating it. What's in it? 600 to 200. It's just my day, kid. One more. One more, Ricky. Try to get drunk.

I'll let him pick. Okay. He fucking sucks at everything. Fuck you. Sports, asshole. Sports. That was to him, not you. Sports for what? 400.

Sports for 400. With a seven-year contract worth an estimated $42 million, Mario Lemieux is now the highest-paid payer in this sport. Hockey. Where's my hockey? Ricky, he was in first.

Tied. Bull-fucking-shit. My buzzer was fucking not right. Doesn't matter. We both said it at the same time. No, but he rang in long before you. There we go. Okay, we need a tiebreaker. Fuck. We need a tiebreaker.

Unstoppable. I need to buy some lottery tickets tonight. Get a good one. Um... Fuck off. I want a new buzzer. This one's the... you know, whatever you call that. Come on, Bubs. Time's ticking. Fuck. You need new buzzers, man. Okay, we're gonna go to... we're gonna go to Guinness Records. All right. here we go.

Is this a winner takes all? I don't fucking care. Okay. I'm gonna win anyway. Okay. Let's go food and drink 500. Or let's go for what the Daily Double was back then, which is science for 800.

Do you want to do it? Let's do it. Formed by bacterial fermentation, it's the acid that makes sour milk sour. Think about what kind of... What is lactic acid? Holy fuck No, he didn't He did not get that right

Ricky Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not joking These drugs, man Lactic acid I thought that was like in your body when you work it out and shit It is But it's in sour milk

I remember Lact There's another lact word, ose. Lactose. Yes, and then so. That's milk sugar. I think. Holy fuck, Rick, you just put on a clinic. I need to get some lottery tickets. You just put on a clinic.

Well, actually I won because I said loser takes all, now winner takes all. Or it said something like that, you go back. I didn't agree to it. Winner takes all. Oh, so you won that match. I did win it because I was trying to lose. I should have went on Jeopardy back then.

You could have been. Before I got dumb. Ricky, you would have been awful young to be on Jeopardy 25 years ago, wouldn't you? I don't remember. All right, that's it. I'm done. You want to go bowling?

I'll go bowling. I'll go bowling. You want to go bowling? Yep. Five bucks a game. Five bucks a game. I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Lactic fucking acid.

Wish I had some acid. You're not doing acid and going bowling, Ricky. Sorry. Good times, especially at that glow-in-the-dark bowling alley. Let's go play laser tag. Done.