Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 14 - Banging Billy Beaver

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Ronnie Thunder's been a bad kitty, Ricky's speaking Français and Bubbles is after Julian's muscles... what the f**k have the Boys been smoking this week?! Also: Breaking Badder, sh**ty facts, and the big question - should Bubbles grow a moustache?

Well, I don't understand Ricky. How the fuck did he talk then? He was just nice and he had a lot of passion. But I... okay. Just give me his voice one more time. Hey Chippy. Brought me a flower, did you? In a little, is it a Valentine cushion? Nah, it's not gonna work, man. I'm just gonna have to go back and visit him. But you're getting mad at me. I'm not mad at you, I just, it's fucking making me sad

because you're ruining what he sounds like. And now it's, I wanna go back and hear what the real one is. Okay, I'm done trying this, I mean... Well, thanks for trying, you just don't know what you're doing. You don't know what a fucking chipmunk or a squirrel sounds like. It's not your fault because you never lived in the woods as long as I fucking did. Anyway, we should start this, should we? Yes.

What are you doing with my blankets and shit, man? Fucking trying to find out what the hell stinks over here man nothing No, it smells like shit. No, that's you. No, it's not me. I've had a shower today Well, you forgot to shower your eyes. There's something over here fucking smelling man. Yes Well, there's something going there's either something fucking going rotten over here. Maybe your muscles are starting to rot. Maybe, like, what the fuck is this? His muscles are starting to rot. Hey, Ricky, do some fucking laundry, man. Maybe I will.

This all stinks. Maybe your muscles should do some laundry. That doesn't even make sense, man. Your muscles have their own fault. Let's go shoot at your place, then. We're not shooting at your place then. We're not shooting at my place. Springy like?

There we go. What the fuck did you do with this thing? Smell that. Yeah, he's got a bit of a... Smells like ass. ...twang to him. It doesn't smell like ass. Okay, okay, I didn't want to tell you then. I didn't want to tell you.

Ronnie Thunder banged it. What? Ronnie Thunder didn't bang that. Ronnie Thunder, I came in and Ronnie Thunder had the fuck thing up against the TV just coming aboard it. What sort of position was he in? From behind. So Ronnie was perched over?

Yes. The fuck, man. I think that might be what happened to him. All right, we're doing this. Doing what? We're doing the thing. All right, keep doing it. I thought you guys were already doing it.

No, we didn't start yet. No. We wanted you to do the... High five. to do the... High five. Welcome to the... Stone bastard. Perk after the dark bubble time.

The Bubbles Bubble Edition. The Bubbles Bubble Edition. We're in the Bubbles Bubble. We're in the Bubbles Bubble. I wish you had detachable muscles. What? I'd like to just pull that off right now, your big bicep. Velcro it off and put it on here.

What the fuck is wrong with you, man? It's just... Detachable muscles. That'd be fantastic. Well, this is a good start to a Friday. You guys are fucked out of your minds. That's a good idea. You could build an action hero doll from Julian.

Different size muscles you could put on him. Depending on how much he's been working out. You could build an action hero doll from Julian. Different size muscles you could put on. Check this out. Much has been working out. You know what you are, bubs? What? A granny rammer. That's you, buddy. There's worse things you could be, I guess.

Well, yeah, you could be a pussy face. That's a good one. What do I look like? A pussy face? Sort of like that, I guess. You guys are fucked. I am pretty big today, I have to say. Okay.

Do you want to start some office-ing? Whoa, office-ing. The OMG facts? Yeah. Sure, man. I can't wait to hear these. Longest mustache ever recorded was 12 and a half feet long. That's a weird one.

How does that work? Why? Like, why would you do that? What the fuck is wrong with people? So, like, 12 and a half feet from... Wow. Like, six going each way? Or was it 12 all going that way? 12 down. Yeah, if it went 12 down, you'd have to be some tall.

You'd be on stilts or something. You'd be tripping on it. I guess you could braid it. It's a weird one. 12 feet. That's long. That's like could braid it. Hmm. It's a weird one. Twelve feet. That's long. That's like six feet on each side. Don't think I'm ever going to try to go for that record. A basketball hoop is ten, so he'd be

like, yeah, sitting on a basketball hoop would be... I might start growing a mustache. This beard shit's driving me nuts. You fucking groove. I might grow a mustache. No, do it, pups. I've never had a mustache. Like the handlebar kind and then grow it down. No, just like a, you know, like a, she ends right there.

A little Hitler one? No, over here, not a Hitler one. And I wouldn't call it a Hitler one, it would be Charlie Chaplin. But right over to the edges, but she just stops there and it's nice and rounded, but not one of those. It should be really thin too. No, full, right up to under my nose like a big,

like a big fucking, not a dick broom. That's what people will be calling you, Bubbles the dick broom. It's not a dick broom. Well, that's what, hey, I would never say that. Bubbles Selleck. Bubbles Selleck. They might start calling me that.

Bubbles Selleck. Bubbles P.I. Fuck, man, my hair is fucked Is it humanity or what the fuck is doing to it? It's fucked I don't know, man The what, Ricky? The fucking humanity, the water in the hair Humanity

Humidity Humidity, man Oh, yeah Yeah, you gotta, it's fucked Humidity. Humidity, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you gotta... It's fucked. Ricky, what did you put in that stuff? I thought it was... I kind of like it.

...team, but... Wow. Holy fuck. The colder the room you sleep in, the better chances are you'll have a bad dream. The what? If you sleep in the colder room, the better chances you're gonna have a bad dream. The what? If you sleep in the cold of the room, better chances you're gonna have a bad dream. Really? That's weird, I like to sleep in the cold, but I don't dream anyway, I'm always too baked.

You just pass out. I don't dream anyway, I'm always just too baked. I don't need to dream, because when you're baked you think about all these good things. So you always have good dreams. There you go. That doesn't even make sense, man. Okay. French fries were actually invented in Belgium. Belgium.

Belgium. So why are they French fries? Why aren't they Belgium fries? There's a story to it, man. Why they're called French fries? Why aren't they Belgium fries? There's a story to it, man. Why they're called French fries. Cooler or what? How do you know?

What is the story? There's a story, man. Let me look it up. What story are you looking at? The story of the French fry. See, I always thought that, because I think over in the UK, they call them chips. Don't they? That's where fish and chips came from? Yes, you're right, Ricky.

So then I thought maybe the people in Paris came up with a new version. Their version was called French fries. Whereas I like to call them the fry Franca, the Frye Francais. The Frye Francais. When have you ever called them Frye Francais? Okay, the American soldiers stationed in Belgium were first introduced to French fries during the World War I, man. Really?

Yeah. Okay. Old World War I fries. That's the official language of the, man. Really? Yeah. Okay. Old World War I fries. That's the official language of the Belgian army. It was French. That's why. They speak fucking French. They do speak French.

That's why, man. You guys didn't know that? Yeah, the French fries. It was a nickname. So there's no Belgian eat. Name stuck. I knew all that. I thought you were looking for some deep.

See, here's a really fucked up fact that's gonna be fun right now because we're baked. I can't wait. Do you know what FAS is? FAS? Foreign Accent Syndrome. It's an extremely rare brain disorder that causes sufferers to speak involuntarily in a foreign accent. But can you imagine if he had that? Who?

Him. Him? He doesn't even know, really, accents, do you? You don't even know that shit. Yeah, yeah, you'd be fucked. Well, he said fries francais. Okay. What does a French accent sound like Ricky in your head? Well I don't know. It sounds like Pepe Le Butte man. That's probably the only French accent he knows. Do some more, Ricky.

What's a Russian sound like? I don't know. I can't. It's not coming. I don't have that syndrome. Ivan Drago. Hey. I want to talk to you.

All right, what about Austrian? What? Who? I don't even know that one. Fucking Arnold. Oh. The shrimp on the barbie. That's fucking Australian, man.

That's way off. But do that again. Give me your Australian one, Ricky. Did you think Arnold Schwarzenegger was from Australia? I thought he said Australian. No, Austrian. What is your Australian accent? Do it again. I'm not, I can't, how do they go?

You said shrimp on the barbie. I think that was on a Seinfeld or something. It was fucked. It was on Crocodile Dundee, probably. That's not a knife. That's a knife. That was a good scene. Remember that scene?

Fuck, that was decent. That was cool, yeah. And then I went and bought that big knife after that. What was a good scene. Remember that scene? Yeah, that was awesome. Fuck, that was decent. That was cool, yeah. And then I went and bought that big knife after that. What was better, that or one fucking- Remember you got the vest, the same vest? Oh yeah. You were gonna fucking see that.

No shirt. No, man. You had the crocodile dundee vest and you were wearing that silly hat for a while. Fuck. That leather hat. All right, what was better, that scene or when Harrison Ford fucking Indiana Jones shot the guy, the guy was with the fucking swords. Guess what?

That scene wasn't supposed to happen. No, he improvised that. He broke his foot or he did something. It was supposed to be some big, crazy battle. Oh, I thought he was just tired of doing the scene and he just went. Was that it? No. I don't know.

I think he had something wrong with him and he couldn't walk or couldn't do something. So he was like, bang. He can fly, man. That guy can fly airplanes. Who? Indiana Jones? Yeah. Oh, he crashed one, so.

Yeah, he's been fucking up, huh? He crashed a couple, didn't he? He crossed different fucking runways and shit. Oh, yeah. He's probably still looking for, you know. He's probably baked. He's still looking for the lost ark. Women blink twice as often as men do. See, I knew something was up with that. Bullshit. Because lots of times, you know, you'd be on a date and looking at the face, you're like, why the fuck is she blinking so much? What, your date? Yeah,

it's weird. Never noticed that, man your date? Yeah, it's weird. Never noticed that, man. So now I guess it's normal. I thought it was me. You blink a lot, man. I'm not blinking. You're blinking like crazy, bud. What was that?

The longest known record for constipation is 102 days. Bullshit. 102 days. You'd shed a diamond. No, you would blow up. You'd shed a diamond. She'd be that compressed. No, that's not it.

What was he eating? Was it just like fucking... That's the shitty part about this. You don't know. They don't give you more details. Well, you got the Google box. 102 day constipation bout. Or just put in shit diamond.

102 days? Yeah. You want to go for the record, Ricky? No, I do not. I like to release my products every day. Your products. day. Your products? Products. Oh, man. It's like a little factory, is it, Ricky?

Can conservation cause fevers? I gotta stop drinking, boys. I got a good buzz on. Fuck it. Let's just power through it. It's gotta be some special weekend of some sort, isn't it? This weekend? Oh, you know what? It's close to the last weekend. It's the last weekend in August, I think.

It has to be, since it is the 28th on Friday. Oh, that fucking sucks. That's the reason to party. Last weekend in August. Yeah, we're partying. Last weekend. Not the last weekend of summer, though, because the summer ends sometime later.

We're going to party like it's 1999. Let's do it. Let's have a 99 party. A Wayne Gretzky party? We could do that. Let's have a Wayne Gretzky party this weekend, boys. I'll get out my Gretzky jersey. Wayne, why?

Just a Wayne Gretzky party. We should have a fucking- Same reason you like to have fucking Burt Reynolds parties. Ball hockey game in our jerseys and underwear. Yeah. We had a Burt Reynolds party two months ago. Wayne Gretzky party.

It's also Julian's little woman he dreamt of marrying, Shania Twain's birthday today. Shania Twain? Yeah. Who's that heavy boots been under? She's from Canada, right? Yes, she's from...

Alberta or something? No, she is from Timmins, Ontario, I believe. I believe. Hot or not? Shania Twain, gorgeous lady. She's pretty, huh? Gorgeous lady and talented. That makes her more gorgeous to me.

She can sing and write music. I'm giving up. I don't care about this guy and his 100-day constipation. Fuck that. Ricky, we should write a movie called The 100 Day Shit. Guy just starts pooping and he can't stop for 100 days. So he's doing all his business from the... He's got his office set up in the...

Who'd want to watch an hour and a half of that? I wonder how long... Put Will Ferrell in it and I would. That's true. I wonder how long the log was. Ricky. It must have been a fucking doozy when you think about that I don't think

I think it was just the density changed I remember not being able to go for it was three days I think and when it went holy fucking Jesus it was a long one you called

me into the bathroom, Ricky. Tricked me. All coiled up like a snow cone. Not a snow cone, a, what do they call it? He tricked me. He goes, Bubbles, can you help me in here? There's a leak or something with the pipes. And I walk in, he goes, look at that. It was sticking up out of the toilet. It's one of those

once in a lifetime things. You gotta share it with somebody, Bubbles. Yeah, but you're share it with somebody. Don't show me that. Yeah, but you're sharing it with like fucking people, man. The people don't want to know about this. I think we took a picture of it. I think there's a picture of it somewhere. It was unbelievable. Nobody needs to see that.

You don't need to see that. It was good to see it live. I'm gonna find that picture. And we're gonna put it out right now. If you were rich as fuck, would you buy this? Jesus. Size of that sucker? Why?

You don't need to do that shit. What are you saying? If you were rich as fuck, would you buy this? There's a Israeli jeweler who's building a fuck, a Corolla virus mask for 1.5 million bucks. It's gold, white gold, 3,000 white and black diamonds. Oh, man. And it's got top-rated N99 filters built in. You know what I'd do?

Hey, nice to meet you. Bye. Yeah, that's the thing. Oh, yeah. We should fucking find out who buys it. The easy thing to... How much is it worth? You should be thinking of the jobs, man. That was a good one. 1.5 million.

I was joking. That's a great idea. Boys, I was kidding. Don't start... If someone's dumb enough to buy that, they deserve to have it stolen. Big time. Well, only a rich person is gonna buy it that wants to live. Well, then you're just basically displaying how rich you are and that you fucking should get... Right. You're basically saying, I can spend a million and a half on this. Imagine what I got back at the house. Follow me there.

Cars I have, all that shit. Follow me there. Kill me. Take my stuff. That's basically what... Fucking piece of shit. Basically what that's saying to, you know, the wrong person. Like a Jeffrey Dahmer sees that. It's pretty cocky to rock around and basically says, yeah, I'm rich as fuck. Fuck off. Oh, fuck, Ricky.

I just thought of a picture that's going to make you laugh. All right. Look at this. It got sent to me. I was reading somewhere that Tokyo just put in these toilets in a park and they're see-through. What? Transparent. Does that mean see-through?

Transparent. Yeah, it was French. He's got the fucking... Transparent. Yeah. He's got the fucking... You're starting to get FAS. FAS.

Anyway, that'd be weird. What was it? What were you talking about? Toilets. Tokyo. Put toilets in a public park that are see-through. Are they in like a little room? So you're just pissing out in public?

Pissing or doing other business. Oh my Jesus. What is wrong? That's a terrible idea. It's different. And people are using it. You mean the stalls are clear? Correct.

It's like a fucking glass. House. With toilets in it. So you're just shitting right there and you're waving to families. Next to people, people outside. Yeah, wide open. Somebody could come up and just stand there with their hands up to the glass, locking in. Yeah.

It's not tented or anything? It's see-through, I know that. Do they drink a lot over there? Are they big drinkers? I don't think they drink enough. Who? It's over in Japan, wasn't it? Japan?

Japanese? No, it's in Tokyo. I don't think the Japanese are big drinkers. It's not Japan, it's Tokyo. I can understand, that's in Tokyo. I don't think the Japanese are big drinkers. It's not Japan. It's Tokyo. I can understand. That's a good idea. Well, not a great idea.

But if that was over in Ireland or some places in England, where people just piss everywhere, like the, you know, let's piss in the phone booth. I don't think the Japanese culture is like ours, where it's like, let's get fat and right out of here and piss ourselves. Yeah, I can understand. Then you're like, awesome, it's a fucking toilet. It's better than pissing in a fucking telephone booth. They're much more civilized than we are here.

They're pissing in little fucking shacks, see-through shacks, see-through toilets. Yes, that's different. That's fucked. I mean, as far as the drinking, you know. You ready for this picture, Ricky? I don't know. No, you're going to.

He might laugh to death. Better not be a cock shot. No, it's not. Is that a... Dwayne the Cock Johnson. Look! So, put his head on a cock. No, it's his body. They just photoshopped him into that shape.

Oh, okay. Look. Dwayne the Cock Johnson. That's not even that funny. Yes, it is! Because it. Dwayne the Cock Johnson. That's not even that funny. Yes, it is. Because it's Dwayne Johnson and they photoshopped him into that shape. Put her up. Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

Oh, fuck you guys. I don't know. It was funny. It was funny, bubs. We'll look at it again later when we're wasted. Did you see that fucking, that Russian, they're not called astronauts. They're called something. Cosmonauts. Yes.

He fucking got video of the fucking UFOs. See that? Russian cosmonauts. It's on the ISS. He's just, you know, he's up there. So I'm going to take some video of the earth because I'm in space. Fucking spaceship goes. No way.

I didn't see this shit. He was shooting like the Aurora LeBoro Canary. Laura Bora. Ricky, I'm the break. He's his buddy. Short and right out. He was shooting the green lights over places. The Aurora Borealis. Something like that. Is what he was trying to say. Not and right out. He was shooting the green lights over places. The Aurora Borealis.

Something like that. Not something like that. Doesn't sound right. Yeah, he was shooting that and a spaceship, four lighted spaceship did that. It was decent. You can't say that one

was drones. Oh yeah, he liked cats. There was a man walking his dog in China, and a fucking cat fell out of the sky and knocked him out. That was fucked up. Did you see that? Supercat lost his powers. No, man, he fucking... He probably saved the cat's life.

Yeah. But where did it fall from, a building? Nobody knows. Didn't just come out of the open sky, did it? It came from a building, man. I guess they do now. What do you mean, nobody knows? Knocked the guy right out, though.

Hit him right in the fucking head. Is there video of it? There is video. Okay, I want to see it. CTCV video. Holy fuck, I think that beaver just moved. Maybe the cat. Ronnie Thunder?

There's probably something living inside of it, man. It's probably fucking filled with maggots. We're going to have to write a new song instead of Frosty the Snowman. What's his name? Ronnie Thunder? No, that's Beaver. Billy, isn't it? Billy Beaver.

Ronnie Thunder, fuck some life in the Billy Beaver what's that got to do with Frosty the Snowman Frosty the Snowman came alive Billy the Beaver came alive and Ronnie the Thunder

fuck some life into him oh so you mean like Ronnie Thunder was a very horny cat alright I found the UFO

he got into Ricky's trailer one night. Fuck's sake. And fucking put the blocks to Billy Beaver. I fucked up. Well, next week we should maybe do less. Just a little bit less. Maybe.

No, man. Or maybe we should do more. How long have we been doing the pod thing here today? Feels like an hour. And I just found the UFO thing, and now there's this pregnancy test thing coming up. Go full screen. You should order that. Oh, no, no.

This is, what the fuck? That's not, no, no. No, it's just a shot from the space station. I already watched it, and then it went on to the other fucking video. Oh, Jesus. Ronnie Thunder was a very horny kitty. He got into Ricky's trailer one night and put the blocks to Billy Beaver. Jesus, Pops.

You are fucked up, buddy. Boys, I think we've been doing this. It feels like a two-hour park after dark. No? Crystal meth's really did you ever see that breaking bad yeah but you know what it's more if i knew it was fucked but this girl was on crystal meth and she gouged her own eyes out. Huh. Oh. 22 year old. So she just got fucking, she just got

prosthetic eyeballs put in so she can see again, I guess. How does that work? Where are you reading this story? It's a real one. Whoa, whoa.

This UFO. Did you guys see it? Yes. We're the one that told you about it. There's like four lights. Yeah, that's exactly what we described.

I described that. Four lights. Yeah, but I had to see it because Like four lights. Yeah, that's exactly what we described. I described that. Four light spaceships. Yeah, but I had to see it because you're fucked. Okay. UFOs. Did you see it, though? Yeah. Like, where'd it go, though?

It just, it might have just uncloaked for one second, just to... So they got cloaking abilities. I, well, it looked like he's got cloaking abilities. They're coming, man. They're going to take over. We've been pretty fucked up over the years. I've never

gotten to the point where I wanted to gouge out my eyeballs. No, Ricky, that's... You've got some serious fucking problems if you're doing that. Are you sure that

the part where she got prosthetic eyeballs and can see again is not... That's the part that... Or maybe she just looks like she can see again. Yeah. Ricky, that's all it is. They're just the part that, or maybe she just looks like she can see again. Yeah.

That's all it is. They're just, so that she doesn't just have big cavities. You know what happened to her? She, I bet you she watched that movie where fucking the guy

starts gouging his fucking eyes out. That's what happened. She got on math. She's like, oh, fuck, here we go.

Try that. Fucking Jesus. That just makes me want to. Don't do meth, anybody. Imagine waking up after that buzz on going, What did I do? Something's not right here. I can't see. Oh, something doesn't feel right. Oh, look, I put a fuckin' Mars bar wrapper in my eye socket.

And you're rubbing your eyes, but they're not there, going, Wait a second. Something's not right here. I can't go to the bathroom and check because I can't check. I'm using my eye cavity as a little purse. I put change in there. I got two change purses. Maybe she's going to stop fucking using crystal meth though. I hope so.

It might be a good silver lining. Is it called crystal meth? That's the drink crystals. No, that's crystal light. You could make crystal meth into a drink crystal. You'd probably be a wealthy fellow. Isn't that what it is? I don't, I've never, I don't even know what crystal meth looks like. Do I? It's like, yeah, you watch Breaking Bad.

Oh, is it just little rocks? All the little blue rocky looking stuff? They smoke it and they get all fucked. Oh yeah, if you could put it into drink crystals, I bet you Okay, don't even get thinking about we're not gonna see the fucking wheels we're starting to turn no Ricky We're not turning into breaking bad and making crystal man. What do you know? I wouldn't want to fuck people up that bad I'm not that kind of person weed crystal weed crystals. You had that weed crystal drink. Yeah, that would be good. Mix it with Kool-Aid. Five hour D energy. Some sugar. Wow, boy.

See, now I'm starting to come down. It doesn't feel good. Feels like nap time. Yeah. Yeah. It was so fun for a while, now it's just like, fuck. I got a good snap of liquor in me, though. Good snap, doodle of liquor. Well, can you please tell your cats to stop banging my beaver?

I can. That stinks, man. That'd be an extra weird sentence. No, I think there was already stink on it, and that's what allured Ronnie Thunder in to do the banging. I don't think Ronnie left a stink on it. Can you find a hole in it? Is there actually a hole?

Oh yeah, no, there's one right there. Put your finger in there. Just to see if there's any maggots or anything. I'm not sticking my finger in Billy Beaver's fuckhole. Did he actually put some juice in there? Well, it stinks. If he got his juice in there, it might have loosened everything up.

It's probably filled with maggots. Just put it down, there's too much analysis happening. I want you to dry clean my beaver. Yeah. That's a title to something.