Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 14 - Sun Bagging

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Julian's going on vacation (to get some sun on his bag?!) but why the f**k is he being so secretive? And will he take up Randy's offer of a shirts-off 100m race? Also: Attention Noel and Liam, the Boys have a plan to reunite Oasis!

I don't understand your logic, Randy. If you're going to rub pate on your nipples, why does that? Apparently the protein is absorbed quicker. Who fucking told you that? There's no way pate absorbs into your nipples quicker than eating it. Apparently. And also, if you sunshine on your butthole, it gives you more vitamin D in 10 minutes than anything.

On your ass. Yeah, but don't, only morning sun, Julian. You don't want to get a butt burn. What the fuck? No, I heard. So are you laying out with your legs spread? Yes. I heard vitamin D is good for your nutsack.

Don't know if that's true. This is what Dougie was talking about. He said you were at the playground, you had your ankles up by your fucking ears with your whole spread open and you were rubbing pate on your nipples. But I was in the sandbox. Because the sandbox has edges, no one saw me. Well, Dougie did because he drives a big rig and he could look down into it. Oh, Dougie did, because he drives a big rig and he could look down into it. Oh, Dougie. He's trying to work up a big load, because it does create a bigger sperm cow.

What does? Vitamin D. If you keep laying with your bag, like hanging out to the sun. It's good for the old fellas. Do you do this too? I don't fucking do that. You and Randy lay together in the sun with your bags up. How did I get involved in it? You just said it gives you...

I'm talking about science, Bubbs. I can't believe you and Randy are laying out together holding each other's bags. Why is he still here? What's going on? I like being here, Julian. We don't like you being here.

You come in, you stick up the trailer. The people here, the park after dark people, they're paying him something, but he won't tell me what. But they're paying him a little something on the side. Paying him something on the side? No, I don't get anything, Julian.

Any transfers? I get nothing. I don't. You deserve nothing. You get something, Randy, because you wouldn't be here. You're first one here, ready to go in the morning. I'm gonna have a barbecue later. You guys gonna come over for a cheeseburger? I might. Grab you one of the burgers.

No? I don't want to hang out with them. I'll get one for myself. I got a serious problem with it. I got some fresh veggies to go on, too. From my garden. Yeah, I'm sure you do a lot of gardening, Randy. Okay, perk after dark.

Are you hosting this one? I might as well. Okay, go for it. All right, welcome to the perk after the dark. I'm your host, Michael Bublé. He's a singer, isn't he? He is a singer, a damn good singer. Handsome. Handsome. Michael Bublé's handsome. Who's more handsome, him or Liam Gallagher? Because I know you've got a huge crush on him, always have. Well, they're different looks, right? One, you know.

You like the bad boy look some days. I like, I think Liam Gallagher's pretty fucking cool looking, you know, with his hair and his cool shades. He doesn't give a fuck, does he? No, he doesn't give a fuck now. So you like the bad boys? Well, yeah. I do like the bad boys.

Like Steve McQueen kind. Yeah, but, I mean, if you're looking for a date, you know, to go to a nice restaurant, you might want to bring Michael Bublé, because he wears suits and he's clean catch. And he sings like the old kind of like, you know, what's the music called? He's like a crooner. A crooner, that's what I was looking for. He's a crooner. I don't know him.

I know Liam Neeson. That's just a guy I know. Liam Neeson crooner. That's what I was looking for. He's a crooner. I don't know him. I know Liam Neeson. That's just a guy I know. Liam Neeson's not... That's an actor. He's nothing to do with either of them. Jesus. Liam Gallagher, though. I mean, he's...

He's done some fucked up shit in his day, though, hasn't he? Oh, yeah. Like, he's just not an easy person to get along with. Well, I mean, back when Oasis were, you know, those guys were fucking crazy. They were getting planes fucking diverted. Were they getting banged up on heroin? I don't think they were ever into heroin,

but they were getting on the gear, as they say. Oh. The gear, you know. Oh, yeah, they liked that stuff. They were doing that. Fair bit, I believe. They got quite a bit of money, don't you think? Oasis.

Yeah. Yes. Like how many millions? Oh, they made hundreds of millions. don't you think? Oasis. Yeah. Like, how many millions? Oh, they made hundreds of millions. The biggest fucking band in the world. Are they from England? Yes, they are. From Manchester.

Manchester boys. They're from Manchester. Good old Manchester fellas. The two brothers, it makes me sad because they haven't talked in years. Oh, yeah. They got a big fucking fight. They hate each other. Yeah. Do they ever, like, get into the fisticuffs?

Oh, they used to punch each other in the face all the time. That'd be a tough one, huh? I believe, I believe Noel hit, I think Noel hit Liam with a guitar. Like, I mean, cracked him with a... Double-hander. Yeah. Honky-tonk style. Yeah, that was...

I think something like that happened the night they broke up anyway. They haven't talked in years, and it's not nice. You know what we gotta do? Imagine if we were the people responsible for bringing them back together. Oh, you'd... Best if we sat around and had some drinks with them

and said, boys, come on. You'd be a hero. Really? To a lot of people on the planet, yes. If you could reunite Oasis, holy fuck. All right, forever in Manchester, we're going to come look for you guys, bring you back together.

All they need to do is just sit down and have a beer y'all. See, that's when you need someone like Bob Marley to come back from the fucking dead and he'd get those guys back together. Yeah, because you know what's going to happen? Next thing they know,

they're going to be 65, 70 years old going, ah, fuck, I wish I had my brother here. The day that their birds stop working is the day they'll get back together.

When their wieners give up? Yeah, because then they'll be like, okay, I got nothing left. I got to get my brother back. They're going to be 70 years old going, ah, fuck, I should have talked to him 25 years ago. This is stupid.

Okay, well, that's going to happen. Hope it does happen. Yes, let's get Oasis back together, please. All right, so moving on, we got some crazy fucking stories to talk about, guys. And I'm not sure this you know like if i was to take four of these right now and drain them like just gone it'd be okay yet if you're a 35 year old lady who's severely dehydrated who decides to take four bottles

of water and guzzle them, she died. What? Yeah, but she drank like big ones. Too much water, man, in her at once. Oh, you can't, yeah, you can, I know you can die drinking too much water. Your drink only has six ounces

by the time you get the ice factor. Shut the fuck up. It's an example. She was drinking like... Anyway, 20 minutes, she drank four bottles of water in 20 minutes, fucking dead. And that's what killed water in 20 minutes. Fucking dead.

And that's what killed her. It killed her, man. Caused inflammation in her brain. And then she fucking... Yeah, you can't do it too fast. I mean, you gotta... But that doesn't seem right. It's like four bottles in 20 minutes.

How big were the bottles? 16-ounce bottles. See? That's still not that much, Randy. That's like a fucking bottle of water. 64 ounces. 64 ounce, sure, but Jesus, you wouldn't think it would fucking kill you. No, man.

So maybe she, yay. Maybe part of the story's not here. Maybe she's just a little fella. She probably had some other food. Oh, she might be a little person. I think that's what happened. She had food in her stomach, so she couldn't fit all the water.

Why are you talking right now, Randy? I'm just trying to figure out why this poor lady passed for drinking water. It's signs, fuckface. But she might have also had a disease where your cells suck up too much water or something. The doctor told her shocked family that Summers, that was her name, had suffered severe brain inflammation after drinking too much water in a very short period of time. 20 minutes, that's five bucks, five, five

bucks. Five minutes a bottle. Seems like enough time. That doesn't seem that. It doesn't. She felt okay. You know, she's like, alright, I'm gonna go lie down. She went into the garage, collapsed. Holy fuck, I better slow down. I better slow down

my water intake. Summer? I've often drank four bottles of water in 20 minutes. Me too, man. Me too. When you're thirsty.

Me too. You don't have bad... I know you haven't, Randy. You've never drank water in your fucking life. I drink a little bit of water, but... Yeah, I...

You drink fucking Tang. That's your main fucking drink. Tang is not good for you. The thing is though, is I absorb it because I sweat it out. Which means you've got to drink like way more than a normal human being. Randy drinks Tang because he thinks

that's what the astronauts drink. You know, to stay in shape. I do like Tang. Tang is a good beverage. And Sunny D. Do you see an elephant drinking Tang? I saw an elephant kill a hippo. It was not good.

Took his tusk and went... Right into the hippo. Fleetwood Mac had an album called Tusk. It was great. That tune, Tusk, is good, man. Just lots of drums and shit. Tusk. It was great. That tune Tusk is good, man. Tusk. Just lots of drums and shit. Tusk. All right.

Here's another story that's just insane. And this could happen to us because we do eat mushrooms. Anyway, this chick, she was getting a divorce from her fellow, right? Mm-hmm. So she invited the in-laws over because the in-laws were friends with her still.

They were like, hey, you know, you're not fucking her son anymore. We'll come over and have some supper. Yeah. So she serves up these fucking mushrooms to the two in-laws and another friend that happened to come with them. Shouldn't have.

Dead. What? She's like, fuck, I don't know. I didn't know they were poisonous mushrooms. Yeah, there's all kinds of poisonous mushrooms. For some reason, she... have. Dead. What? She's like, fuck, I don't know. I didn't know they were poisonous mushrooms. Yeah, there's all kinds of poisonous mushrooms. For some reason she- Where did she get them? Ah, somewhere in Australia, man.

She didn't buy them at the store, obviously. No, man, she picked these ones herself, and she said she didn't- Why in the fuck would anybody pick mushrooms and serve them to somebody? Yeah, everybody was fine, man. Without knowing what the fuck you're doing, you gotta be a mushroom expert before you can just start.

See, that's what scares me with Ricky. I mean, he is a professional, but he's not a scientist. He doesn't know all the different kinds of mushrooms. He knows the ones that get you fucked up. Yeah, he knows not to eat the poison ones, though. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. I don't think a poison mushroom could take him down anyway.

He's got too many drugs firing up in his system. He better not eat berries. Have you been talking to him? No. I haven't been talking to him. Is he still in solitary confinement? He's still in solitary, man. And when he gets out, he's going to be fucking pissed.

He's been in there a while, man. Why don't we go down and see him next weekend? I'm not going to that fucking jail, man. Why? Only time I go to jail is when I'm in jail. Next weekend, though. That's the rule. I'm not spending a that fucking jail, man. Why? Only time I go to jail is when I'm in jail. Next weekend, though. That's the rule. I'm not spending a weekend going to jail.

Where are you going to be next weekend? I'd have some plans. Anyway, you don't want to go to someone's fucking dinner if you're not banging their son or daughter anymore, if you're an in-law, right? Don't go to dinner. And don't eat the mushrooms. I don't like the answer you just gave me.

But what? About next weekend. Get over it, man. Where are you going to be? There's a bit of summer left. I'm going to fucking enjoy myself. So you're not going to be here? I may not be here for the perk after dark.

Okay? Well, where are you going to be? Well, it not be here for the perk after dark. Okay? Well, where are you going to be? Well, it doesn't matter, man. You don't tell me every fucking place you go. I do tell you every place I'm going to go in case there's an emergency. Well, I'll text you. Okay, moving on. He's being real secretive. Fuck off.

He is being secretive, isn't he, Randy? Why do I got to tell you? Tell me you got a fella. Why? I'm a grown man. Why do I have a fella? Come on, Bob. Maybe you're going to be a fella. Why? I'm a grown man. Why do I have a fella? Come on, Bob. Maybe you're going to be a fella

at the woods by a lake. He's going to Crystal Crescent Beach because it's suntan nude. Shut up. Are you going to sun your back? No, I'm not. Yeah.

You're going back sunning. Back sunning, man. You're going back sunning. Yeah, I'm a little down on vitamin D. I got to get the bag out in the sun. You're going to go to Crystal Crescent with Larry and Dave.

Larry and Dave. And sun your bags together. The guys you work out with you're going? I don't work out with anybody, fuckface. Larry and Dave. That's what I thought. Have you ever been to Crystal Crescent Beach? I have many times.

It's very nice. You're going to really like it there. You could tell us where you're going, though. That's fine. He's going bag, son. I'll go with you if you want. I'm sunbagging, it's called. You stay the fuck away from me. There's a real good place to get follow you.

I'm gonna follow you. I will lose you. I might follow you. Try to keep up in that fucking little shit beast you drive. Oh, that fucking shit beast can do more than you think. All right, we got a very disgusting story. Your Randy's going to fucking love this place. And you're probably going to want to go to Israel

because that's where this restaurant is. What's it called? What country? It is... Well, this Israeli guy opened up this fucking restaurant that serves chocolate ice cream in the most disgusting, but probably the greatest way in your mind. They serve it up in a toilet.

They got an actual fucking toilet. They throw the ice cream in. Looks like there's shit all over the place, and you eat out of the fucking toilet. It's a lot of ice cream. Everybody's freaking out, man. Why in the fuck would anybody go to that restaurant and eat shit cream?

See? No, the toilet wasn't used for shit. I know, but in your mind, you're eating. Look at that. Dig in. See? Look at it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

There's like a whole tub of ice cream in there. It's a bowl of ice cream. Yeah. That's a huge bowl of ice cream. I mean, you can do that without going to a restaurant. You can do it at your house. Yeah, but people like an adventure when they eat. So maybe we can fucking, I mean, maybe ice cream.

I think you can find a better food. Why don't they just put old Henry bears in there? You know, with the peanuts in it. Good idea, Bob. That would suck. Put some old Henry's in there and soft serve, you know. You should have an age restriction, though. Like, make sure the kids are at least eight years old

because you just don't want, like like a four-year-old to eat their poop. Oh, an eight-year-old? An eight-year-old eating shit out of the toilet? Well, at least they would know that this is just make-believe, but if you took a four-year-old, then they'd just go to their own toilet and start eating their shit and wonder why it tastes kind of poopy.

This place is called the House of Shit. No, it's not. It is. It's not. It is, man. The restaurant's called the house of shit. No, it's not. It is. It's not. It is, man. The restaurant's called the house of shit. The house of shit. And you eat the smeared toilet bowl fucking ice cream.

What are their sales, Julian? Holy fuck. Is it a full-size toilet they bring to your table? It's right from the fucking ground, man. Do they bring it to your table, or do you go on your hands and knees and eat it out of the bathroom? You go up to the counter, and you grab the toilet off the counter. A fucking 40 or 50 pound porcelain toilet.

Yes, it doesn't have the back part. It's probably got the bidet on it, so that they can just spray it. The what? The bidet thing that sprays water. What a fucking idiot. It's a bidet, Randy. Bidet. It's pronounced bidet thing that sprays water. What a fucking idiot. It's a bidet, Randy. Bidet. It's pronounced bidet.

It's silent. It's French. B-I-D-E-T. It's French. B-I-D-E-T. Bidet. And I suppose you wash your car with a chamois, do you? There's no wa.

It's a chamois. It's a chamois. How do you spell chamois? Chamois. Anyway, I'm sure they have that bidet or whatever the freak it is, just to spray the down, and then they could serve more ice cream. No, they put the fucking toilet

in the sink, probably, and clean it out that way. The restaurant's called the House of Shit. The House of Shit. Do they use the three-sink method? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Okay. It's called Gordo's. Okay. That's a big difference.'s called Gordo's. Okay. That's a big difference.

Go to Gordo's. He's got the host of shit, which is what you can, you order the host of shit. Boy, that's a big difference. I like the host of shit, please. Extra fucking turds. Because the ice cream comes out in turd shapes.

Can you order it with extra turds? Fuck yeah. You can order it with turds and probably some cherries, throw them in there. Whey cream. Peanuts. Corn.

Peanuts. Corn. Yes. Throw a fucking cup of corn in there with it, please. Good roughage for you. That's real. Maybe some blood. Cherry sauce.

Cherry sauce. Cherry sauce. Oh, we can make a horrible, horrible mess. You know what they should actually do? Another one, but it's vomit. You get out the slime. Yeah. And the fucking gummy worms.

Start with a Campbell, you know, a Campbell's soup base. No, it would not be sweet enough. Chicken soup? No, we don't want to, no. Just sweet, man. People are eating out of the toilet. They don't wanna eat tomato soup out of a toilet. Is that where Bethlehem is?

They don't, do they? Well, you'd think they fucking wanna eat ice cream out of it. It's just as shocking. Israel, is that where Bethlehem is? Is that the same place? Fuck, man, you're just so fucked. Where is it? Shut up, okay.

Israel. See? I knew. Okay. It's real. See? I knew. Okay, here's a good one. Bad day for this guy in Atlanta. So, he's okay. Fuck these guys, man. I would love to see this happen

to Ricky. I would. Kind of would. Wouldn't. This fucking demolition crew come up to this guy's house. Yeah. Tear down his house. Yeah. Wrong house. Ooh.

But, buddy, he loses his fucking house. He's also getting fucking charged 68 grand for the demolition cost. Oh, my God. And they're fucking going to get it, probably. You should go to People's Court for that. Fight. People's Court for that. Fight. People's Court. You know, like...

Judge Wapner. Atlanta, the city of Atlanta, is now suing the owner of the property and threatening to foreclose on the empty land unless he covers the cost of 68 grand. See, this is bullshit. He's going to go crazy and kill somebody. This is how people die.

This is how people go bonkers and kill people. I would fucking lose my... And the place isn't... It's like a brick house, man. This thing is like... So they came and tore his house down by accident. Now he's got to pay 68 grand. The city is coming after him to get the money.

See, whoever the fuck is on that city council, they need a slap, right? All right, the city council of Atlanta, I like the way you operate, because you're ripping people off. It's a lot of money. But that's terrible. Someone's on the take here.

Someone's taking 16. Some poor bastard got his house ripped down, and you guys are going to fuck him. Yeah. The world is not right. I'm not happy with the city of Atlanta's fucking council, whatever they're called. It's not Atlantis. The mayor could... It's Atlanta. I the city of Atlantis fucking council, whatever they're called. It's not Atlantis.

The mayor could... It's Atlanta. I didn't say Atlantis. You said Atlantis. The water city. Have you ever been to Atlantis, Randy? No, it sunk. There's one in the Bahamas that didn't sink.

Oh, is that where it is? Why don't you get your flippers out and go take a fucking swim to Atlantis? I lost my flippers, Julian. I've seen this fucking guy with flippers on. I've seen him with flippers on. I've seen him with flippers on and water wings and a little tight thing and tassels on his nipple. I got a new mask and snorkel.

I bet you do. You love the meat sn got a new mask and snorkel. I bet you do. You love the meat snorkel. The meat snorkel. Keep it under the blankets, the old meat snorkel in your mouth. What's a meat snorkel? Think about it. Oh, meat snorkel.

Stuff filled with oxygen, bud. A little tasty treat for you. You guys are weird. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Poor Somalis. This poor lady. Fuck.

The poor Somalis. Yeah, she's an athlete. She went in this 100-meter race. She is the slowest person to ever compete in a 100-meter race. Wow, she's too hot. Too much sun. Not that good looking. What's her time? She can't run. No, I don't mean she's hot. Too much sun. She's not that good looking. You can't run. No, I don't mean she's hot.

I mean, the sun's baking down on her. She's just got no energy. Yeah, they got up in the old blocks to go and it was like, go. She just like... She yawned. Of course she did. I'm gonna fucking go. She's too tired. I can do it in 12 seconds.

I can do 100 meters. Bullshit. Randy, you can't do anything in 12 seconds. I can do 100 meters. Bullshit. Randy, you can't do anything in 12 seconds. I can. You couldn't get to that door in 12 seconds. You don't know. You need the incentive. Instead of a carrot, I put a cheeseburger at the end. That's no incentive, though,

when you've already had 50 in one day. Well, and you're hungry. No, you don't. You don't before a race. You can't. Because if you get a cramp... You know what? We should take you to the track and make you run.

Don't feed you, but not feed him for a few days. Yeah. Throw a cheeseburger with some spotlights on it. Make you run the 100 meters. You'd fucking die at about 40 meters. I can't do hurdles. You can't do hurdles. No hurdles, but at about 40 meters,

you would drop dead. That's not true. Imagine this fast. I can this mess doing a hurdle. I'd like to see hurdles. I have short stride. If we can bring you to a track, will you do the 100 meters? Oh, sure. I like racing.

You know what? I like racing. He's fucking starving to death. I'll race you, Julian. Right on the jumbotron. That's the finish line, Randy. Will you do... He just challenged you, the 100 meters.

Shirt's off, race. Fuck off. Will you do, he just challenged you the 100 meters. Shirts off race. Fuck off. Will you do the 100 meters against him? I would have until he got into the shirts off thing. No, no, it doesn't need to be shirts off. I want to see you two. You're like a big, you know, like a big fucking bronco.

You could totally be Julian. Super horse. And he's like a fucking big man. He's like those horses that pull shippo And he's like a fucking big man. He's like those horses that pull hips. You're like a big bronco, you know, muscular horse, and he's just like a manatee flopping along the ground. No, I can run. My legs go very fast.

I know you can get your legs going. I've seen your little quick little da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, that's right. But the problem with that, Randy, is your stride is only about that long. Yeah, but if you could get your legs going that fast with a gait like that, you'd beat Carl Lewis, but your legs go really fast.

Carl Lewis isn't a good example, man. He's been out of the fucking race. Well, you know what I mean. It's a pants thing. Usain Bolt. Yeah, get that mother fucker. Ben Johnson, all cranked up on fucking whatever he had in him.

Ben could probably still run a little bit. I bet you Ben Johnson's as fast as fuck. Yeah, okay. We'll get Ben and you going at a race. No, no, I want to race you, Julian. I want to see that, too. You put a rum and coke at the end of the race for you and a cheeseburger? I'm not...

Or a whiskey, whatever you're drinking? That shit doesn't work for me, okay? It would because you'd be thirsty. What about a whiskey cup, whatever you're drinking? That shit doesn't work for me, okay? It would, because you... What about a big set of balls? For him? No, for you. No, man. Why would I...

No. Put something... A Monte Carlo at the end. Put a bag of cash. Megan Fox. Okay, we put Megan Fox at the end. In a Monte Carlo with a drink. Or just a cutout of Megan Fox.

We could download a cutout and put a flashlight in it. Oh, man. What? No, I'm not gonna... I'm not banging a flashlight. Fantasy. That's like... You got new ones now. You can just duct tape it into the picture.

They got ones that actually jack it. I've seen them. Jack facts. Yeah. There's a new one that's out now that's pretty crazy, man. There's a new jack fact out, is there? How do you know? Because, didn't we talk about it?

No, we did not. I think that's just you talking about it to yourself. Well, I did see it somewhere, okay? Where would you see a jack vac? I don't know, man. It was on fucking TMZ or something. Well, it wasn't at Canadian Tire. Maybe that's where he's going next weekend.

Jack vac convention. I don't want to have a jack back. You guys are fucked up. All right. Well. Oh, man. I'm going to try to talk about some more things here, but there's really not much left.

The world's not all there is. There's all kinds of things to talk about. What's on your mind, Julian? Tell us what's on your mind. We could talk about your feelings. You know what my feelings are right now? Summer's almost done. And if you look out there at the fashion,

I'm not happy about it. Crocs. Crocs are not. Because this is when everybody, like the ladies start wearing jackets, they get the fucking pants, the mittens. I thought you did like crocs. It's been a rainy fucking summer.

It's been raining. That's why... Not everywhere there's fires around the world. I know, but it's been raining around here after we had the fires. It's been flooding. Did you see Hawaii? Oh, my God, it's on fire like crazy.

Always burning up, is it? Oh, fuck. What island? Maui. Maui's on fire. Big time. Maui's a good spot, man. Good Lord. Hallelujah there.

It looks awful. Well, hopefully the people of Maui are gonna get their shit together. Mick, Fleetwood had a restaurant called Fleetwood's on First Street, and it burned up. Not that he's the only one, you know, everybody, there's all kinds of people losing their whole town, like a whole fucking town burned right to the ground. What's the deal with the fires? They're not like from volcanoes or something, are they? They're just the wind pushing them

and there's fire tornadoes swirling up and, oh, it's horrific. I saw some footage, there was an entire fucking huge town, and the whole thing was just burnt right to the fucking ground. Well, don't they got those flying fucking piss tankers? They go down to the water? But it's going to, it's shredding so fast they can't. They can't put it out.

They can't contain it. It's too fast. That's why it's windy. It's hot, windy. It's hot and windy. Well, hopefully all the beautiful people of Maui will be safe. Let's send our love to the people of Hawaii. The rain gods down on Maui.

Yeah, well, I might be wrong about Maui, but... Well, you know, over there, wherever it's on fire. But it's all over the world. There is a lot of fires burning around the world, but Hawaii is particularly fucked right now. Aliens are not going to be happy. And they can't get it put out. The aliens should just, I'm telling you, I'm pissed off at the aliens.

They could fix a lot of this. What's their breaking point? Someone pressing a button? Well, I mean, they can fucking, they've obviously mastered fucking, you know, traveling fucking at the speed of light. Because they have little crafts with nuclear fission reactors about that big in them. Not fusion, fission. And they can basically, what they do, if you've got to go from here to here, right? You know, physics states that you've got to go like this. But when you can control space and time with nuclear fission and, you know, warping space and time,

all they do is they fold the cocksucker in like that so that it's like this now. And you just jump from here to here. And then she opens back up. Holy fuck, bubs. That's a lot. That's what I'm telling you. That's how they do it. They don't go from here to here

at 100 million fucking miles an hour. They fold space in like this so they just go boop, and whoop, she opens back up, and now you're over here. And I heard they got this metal that's like anti-gravity kind of shit. So if you're a 200 pound guy standing on this little piece of metal, you're now like 45 pounds or something. Yes.

It's just like, no problem. They've got all kinds of shit. They're fucking billions of years. They're aliens, man. They're smart motherfuckers. They're billions, could be billions of years advanced beyond us. We don't know. We don't know, man.

Here's to the aliens. Wow, if they help us. Come save. They're probably looking down at everybody driving around in cars on the ground. They're looking going, oh, my God, how fucking stunned are these fucking... And they're looking at people fucking having, like, you know, major surgeries, going, what the fuck are they ripping these people off? Oh, they're killing...

You just got to put this little thing... Oh, he cut into them with a knife, and now he's sewing him up with a thread. How burp-burp. Why don't they just use the fucking mind manipulator like we do? Beep. Fixed. Something like Star Trek, right?

They're not... Oh, they're way beyond Star Trek. Really? That fucking Spock with his little... They would just pin Spock down and fuck him. They don't give... Grabbed by his big honking ears. They don't give a fuck about Spock and his logic. They can think circles around Spock for two seconds.

They think Spock is like fucking, just like watching the Muppets or something. They think Spock is mentally challenged. Spock's got the pincher, though. He could pinch the moat. No, he couldn't. He'd reach for them, and before he even fucking got near them, they would put a mind hold on him. Get your hands off me, you pointy-eared cocksucker.

We got drunk with Spock. Not the old Spock, because he's dead, but the new Spock. The new Spock, yes. He's a bit of a... Yeah, he's a fun fella. He's a fun dude. Yeah, the new Spock. He's not as serious as people would think.

No. He's Spock. No, he likes to as people would think. No. He's Spock. No, he likes to get banged up. Yeah. All right. All right, I think we're near done, guys. Yeah. And I might see you guys at some point.

Where are you going? Hey, I'm not, I'm just going. All right? Who are you, Jack Kerouac now, are you? You just go out on the road. Just go on the road and see what happens. Destiny's out there somewhere. Just bouncing around from gay bar to gay bar.

It's not gay bar, it's Jesus Bob's. Don't worry, I'll keep it on your trailer, Judy. All right, well, thanks guys. Hopefully Rick will be back and we'll see you guys later. You were in a really good mood today. I'm impressed. Shut up. All right, everybody.

Thank you for joining us in Park After Dark. I'm the co-host, Julian, saying goodbye for probably a couple weeks. Woo! Say goodbye. Very, very secretive. Takk for ating mediet! Thank you. you