Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 141 - Episode 151

Episode Date: April 30, 2018

Julian must be on the swish hard, he can’t keep the goddamn episodes straight! This week, the Boys call a mystery guest to make a million dollar business proposal, Ricky thinks he invented morse code, and tries fruit for the first time! What in the f*#k?! Episode 141 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Liquorman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Hey, boys, I'm cracking a fucking other one. Man, you're really on the juice today. Beer number six. It's Friday, man. You can do that.

Yeah. Just don't do it every day. No, you fuck yourself. I don't tell you how to pace your drink and do my butt. Just your pace gets a little fucking... I don't tell you how much drinks drinks you shove that in your piss hole. I'm not telling you not to drink. You're aggressive today, bubbly bub.

Not aggressive? Holy fuck, what time is it? What time is it? 11-11. 11-12. We gotta call somebody in three minutes. I'm glad I fucking... I finally tracked this

wonderful person down, and we're gonna call her. Who is it? Make a deal. Just trust me. This is gonna be a good thing for everybody. Who is this person, Ricky? I'm not calling anybody I don't know who it is. Remember the lady that picked up all the cigarette butts?

No way. Yeah. Got a hold of her. Sally Dolly. Perfect. I've been thinking a lot about that fucking, what's going on. Hopefully we're going to make a deal. Yeah. You track down Sally Dolly.

Fucking rights. How'd you do that? Well, with the help of the interweb. Right on. These people. So what are we doing? We're calling her? Yeah.

And what are we going to say to her? Hello. Should we, we got, when do? We're calling her? Yeah. What are we going to say to her? Hello. Should we... We got... When do you want to call her? We got to call her at exactly the quarter after. Okay, so we got two minutes? Two minutes.

All right, let's get this... All right, what's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. Coming at you, it is April... When is it? What's the date today? I'll give you a hint. Last week was 4-20. It's the 27th.

Boom! Of April. This podcast is number 151, I believe. And, bubs, here you go, bud. I bought these for you. You've been... I know you throw up when you get too drunk. What is it? Vomit bag. Zorbies. What do I need a fucking vomit, vomit, vomit bag for?

You puked the other night, man. So? You've been puking a lot lately. Puking a fucking bag, just don't like open your shed door and puke everywhere. Listen, bud. What? I don't tell you to knock yourself.

I'm not telling you how much you should drink and how much you shouldn't drink. When it comes to puking, keep the shit fucking contained in a bag. Well, why don't you buy him fucking diapers then? Because he pisses himself. He shits his pants. Because I don't have to fucking walk in his shitty,

pissy pants. Can we talk about something else except everyone puking and shitting and pissing? I'm just saying, man. I don't like walking up to your shed and stepping in your puke. Fuck, I love this picture. Showing us a fucking pizza and popcorn.

Oh, asshole. Ricky, you want me to call old Sally Dolly, do you? Fucking stone bee. This is the greatest picture ever made. What is it, Ricky? It's a fucking stone bee eating honey. A stoned bee. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I like it. Okay, yeah. Mm-hmm. I like it. Okay, Ricky. I'm gonna put up a Moe's wall. Where's that number at? Uh, there she be. Okay, I'm gonna call Sally Dolly. She's on a mission, man.

Doop, doop, doop. How many cigarette butts has she picked up? What's the count, Pups? Think it's 1,030,000? 1,030,000 cigarette butts. I'd like to get my hands on even 10,000 of them. Well, we'll see what you can do. Please stand by while we complete your long-distance call. To avoid this message, please dial 1 before a 10-digit long-distance number.

Thank you. Oh, I put a 1 there, you crazy bugger. It's ringing. Is that good? What's her name? Sally. Sally, the butt lady? Yeah.

Does she get offended when you call her the butt lady? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello. Hi, is this Sally? That's me. Hey, how's it going? It's Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles. It's going fine.

Hey, Sally. Hi, Sally. Hi. How are you today? I'm doing fine. Another beautiful day. Nice. We're, uh, yeah, just calling to,

we're pretty, uh, blown away by these, uh, the amount of cigarette butts you've collected. That's crazy. Well, I'm up to 1,030,797. Whoa. So you count them, like, right down to the, right down to the digit, huh? But is

Do you have one of those little clickers Do you have one of those little clickers do you have like a clicker to keep count of how many butts you're collecting? Yes, I do have a clicker from when I used to drive a school bus. Wow. That's smart. So. Okay, so you're helping out the environment. What do you do with these butts when you collect all of them?

Good one, Julian. Well, I find a trash can nearby where they should have been in the first place. And it's empty. Although I do have a container. I have a container that licorice comes in. And I have 2,540 bucks in it. Okay. You have a licorice can?

The container, the big round container that licorice can? Oh, yes. I have one of those myself. I keep nuts and bolts in one of those. It just seems a shame that they would go to the landfill after all that. I wonder if there's something else we could do with them. Well, I also have a five-gallon plastic water jug, or water bottle, and I have almost 8,000 butts in it. Oh, my goodness.

Just kicking around. That's crazy. So if we were to help you out and maybe try to figure out a way of monetizing these butts, would you be interested? Well, in what way? I don't know. I've got a couple ideas. I've worked out all the shipping and stuff. If FedEx were to pick them up and send them here and how much we could probably sell them for, there could be a bit of a profit there for you.

Nice talking, Julian. Nice talking. Well, I'm not sure. Because a lot of the butts, there's just the filters. And a lot of them don't have the tobacco left on them. OK. That's a game changer. Yeah.

What have, in your quest for the bots, have you found any other things of interest? When I'm walking around? Yeah, like, did you find anything other than bots that was, you know, interesting? Well, I find jewelry. I just found a watch the other day. I find tools.

And two different times I found this one packet that looked like a sandwich bag that had something in it. I was wondering, gee, is this what I think it is? I walked it down to the police department in Auburn and took it in.

I said, is this what I think it is? And someone came out and checked it out, and it was a bag of marijuana. Oh, my God. And then I found another little bag a month later that was marijuana. Wow, that's pretty lucky. And I turned it in to the police department. That's pretty lucky. Really lucky.

Really lucky. Yeah, I do find silverware and cups, glasses that come from, they look like they come from a restaurant. It's just amazing what I find. Can I pick up money that I find? And I'll pick up bottles and cans to recycle. So that's awesome. And bottles and cans? Yeah, who knew? Bottles and cans, just clap your hands.

That's what back says. $900. I got to get into that business. That's crazy. And it's good for the environment. Yeah. It's really irritating to go to some places and see the glass bottles that have been broken.

Yeah, no kidding. And glass all over. It's like, come on, people. That is irritating, isn't it? I hate that. Goddamn bottle kids. Yeah. The trash that I see is just amazing.

Have, like, other towns... It's like, there's a trash can over there. We can't walk over there and put that trash in there. Hello? Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's stupid. Have other towns, like, come to you and said, hey, how about, like, you know, cruising over to our neck of the woods and doing this? Well, no other towns have approached me.

Do you have a manager? I talk to a lot of people, and since I started doing this, they'll tell me, they run into me again and say, Sally, ever since you started doing this, now no matter where I go, I'm seeing cigarette butts and I want to call you. Do you have a manager or anything? What? Do you have a manager? There's a city manager in the city of Auburn. No, you need like a business manager.

I bet you you could make some money doing this, like cleaning up other places. You could be on talk shows. You could go on Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah. You could go on Jimmy Kimmel. We know Jimmy Kimmel. If you want to go on there, I bet you we could call him up.

Oh, that'd be cool. I have a lady that I just met the other day. She had called me, and she wanted to walk around and get an idea of what I do. So we met the other day just down the street where I live, a parking lot that has a milk diner. And we walked around, and she's using my tools. And then I was having a clicker and clicking, counting how many we had, I picked up, and she said she wanted to try and get me on to the Ellen DeGeneres movie. All right, you know what?

Oh, yeah, that's a great idea. You know, here, I'm just spitballing here, Sally, but you know what I think we should do? Like, what do you wear when you're out looking for bots? What are you wearing? Like, just regular clothes? Okay, here's what I think. Here's what I think.

What if we got you kind of like a superhero outfit that said the bot lady on it, and you were kind of like a superhero, saving the environment? If we can get you on, definitely. I mean, Jimmy Kimmel would have the butt lady on if you wore a superhero costume. Would you be interested in that?

That would be fun. I've tried to think how I could make a costume where I look like a cigarette butt or a cigarette. We've got the resources to do that, believe me. Yeah, that's a good idea. We've got the resources. We're gonna... If you give us your basic measurements, we're gonna build you a cigarette

butt costume. You know what else she needs? 8,000 butts in that. You need like a little pickup truck that has butt lady on the side so you can haul the butts around. It's making my mouth water. Almost like the Red Bull truck except the Red Bull can is a great big cigarette butt. You know what, bitch? I could talk to a local car company and get you hooked up.

Build you a cigarette mobile. A butt mobile. The butt mobile. Oh, my God. This is right in itself. The butt mobile. Yeah, that's bright. I like that.

Make it look like a butt. Yes. Bud, you're drunk. On my truck, on my truck, when I used to live downtown Auburn, I parked on the street, and this one morning I was walking up the driveway to go to church, and someone had put a sign on both of my doors that said, Butt Patrol. Butt Patrol.

Nice, Butt Patrol. Hi. So I have... Julian was in a movie called Butt Patrol. That's years ago. Yeah, years ago. Well, you know what, Sally? I think we're going to pursue this.

I think we're going to try to get you a cigarette butt costume and a cigarette mobile, the butt mobile, and we're going to get you on Jimmy Kimmel and the Alan DeGeneres show and maybe, you know, Good Morning America, the Today show. Yeah, why not? Whoa.

Because I think what you're doing, I mean, you're making a difference down there, collecting all those cigarette butts. There's trillions of butts apparently thrown away every year, and you're the only one that's making a difference, and I think you need to be on the TV. That's what I think.

Well, I'm trying to get that message out, and the local paper had an insert for kids a while back that had two pages about tobacco, and this one page had a paragraph that says, it takes 25 years for cigarette butts to totally decompose back in the dirt, and during that 25 years, it's poison to anything that eats it. Jesus, Murphy.

Ah, that's terrible. Oh, I believe it. I've got about 96 kitties that live with me, and they're always dragging dirty old cigarette butts in the stomach. Oh, I believe it. I've got about 96 kitties that live with me, and they're always dragging dirty old cigarette butts into the shed. Drives me crazy, because there's butts everywhere in the park where we live. Donnie, we know a guy named Donnie,

he smokes three packs a day. Yeah. And just fires them wherever. Well, I live with a friend of mine who used to smoke a pack a day. And Wilma's late husband, Fred, Fred and Wilma, before the Flintstones. She smoked five packs a day. What?

500 cigarettes a day. Five packs. That's crazy. And she has been on oxygen for 20 years now because of the emphysema. Well, I would say so. She's lucky she's still got a pair of lungs. Yeah. because of the emphysema. Well, I would say so. She's lucky she's still got a pair of lungs. Yeah, well, when I walk around and the parents have their kids of any age with them,

I tell the kids, don't ever smoke, guys. And don't let your friends talk you into it. It's bad for you. It is bad. So I guess you don't smoke, eh, Sally, obviously? Well, technically, I tell people, you start with that first puff and you stop with that last puff.

I started smoking in the fifth grade with a cigarette my cousin swiped from her dad when we were living in Lake Taco. My second puff was my last puff. So on two puffs as a fifth grader, I knew smoking was stupid. Well, there you go. But I think that my mom and dad and all my aunts and uncles and older cousins and their friends, that they were stupid. Yeah, that's true. It's hard to tell people, isn't it?

I mean, our friend Donnie, he smokes three packs, but if he can't, if he's out drinking, he'll eat a cigarette. He'll eat one. Yeah. Just to get it into him quicker, he'll just eat a whole cigarette. Yeah.

Well, I, on this other page of this insert from the paper, they had a dot to dot, and it turned out to be an elephant. And below it, it says, in the United States alone, in one year, the weight of all the cigarette butts tossed is equivalent to the weight of 30,800 large elephants. No way. Holy shit. I read that. I called the Sacramento Zoo and asked how large can an elephant weigh? And they said 14,000 pounds. So I did the math and came up with 431,200,000 pounds.

Whoa. So that container, yeah, that licorice container I have, it has. Whoa. I'm saying that. Yeah, that licorice container I have, it has 2,540 butts in there. It weighs one pound. Oh. So the 2,540 times the 431 million, that's 1,095,248,000,000 cigarette butts. Jesus Murphy. I divided that by 20 for 26 per pack. That's 54,762,400,000 packs of cigarettes.

Man, there's some heavy smoking going on. I was in a store and saw 18 brands of cigarettes and wrote the prices, added the prices, divided by 18, average price of $7. Okay, the $7 times the 54 billion packs $383,336,800,000. Whoa, you're good at the numbers. No wonder the tobacco industry doesn't care that their product is killing people and making them sick. That's right. They just want them to be. But God damn it, they taste good.

We need to get you a superhero suit right away, Sally. Yeah. And a manager. Yes, sir. Yeah. And a manager. Yes, sir. That's some good numbers. That is. You are, you've got a lot of secret knowledge. A lot of secret knowledge.

Several months ago, I talked to two ladies that had gone on to a cruise to Europe. Yeah. And I forget what two countries they were walking through, but they said they didn't see any paper trash anywhere, but cigarette butts everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a real problem. Definitely. Yeah. But, yeah, it's just amazing. And I'm always sharing this with people.

Well, we're going to try to get you on the TV, Sally. I'm telling you right now. We're going to try to get you on the TV, and we're going to build you that costume. Well, I've had several days where I have picked up a little over 3,000 butts in one day. One day? I must be looking

in the wrong places. I keep track on a daily basis. I'm looking at part of February. There's a day that I had 2,842. Oh, so you've got a logbook. You've got a logbook, do you? She does mess around, man. Oh, yeah.

It's my exercise, all the walking I do. Mm-hmm. I'll do Old Town Auburn, Downtown Auburn, and different parking lots in Auburn. A lot of bending over, a lot of kneeling down to pick those butts up? Well, I have a dustpan with a long handle and a broom. Okay. I sweep them up, and I do carry tongs just in case I have a dustpan with a long handle and a broom. Okay.

And I sweep them up and I do carry tongs just in case I have to pick them up, you know, get them where they've been crunched in the cement. Oh yeah, so a manual extraction type thing. Yeah. Yeah. Or in flower pots and flower beds. Yeah. Where are the most popular places to get the most spots?

The call centers or... Like outside of bars? Office building? It all depends. Parking lots, you know, people will just empty their ashtray. That's what Ricky does. They don't care.

You know, near bars and restaurants. It just... It all depends. I can go, I can get them a lot of places. Schools? Nah, not the schools. I haven't been around schools.

Okay, good. That's good. Alright, well listen Sally, it's been very educational talking to you about this cigarette box. It's quite a quest you're on and we're going to try to help you. Yeah, you're great with numbers. I'm pretty damn good at numbers, too. I'll work out my numbers,

and I'll get back to you. Okay. Yeah, it's... We're in. It's been a pleasure talking to you guys, too, and I, you know, hope I get that message out to people that they, I guess, they're not totally, but... I'll never throw a butt on the ground again.

Yes, you won't be, Ricky. Good. Better yet, people, stop smoking. Yeah, that's the... One of these days. They're just so goddamn delicious. Ricky's quit like 600 times. So... I guess he didn't really quit though, did he?

Yeah. Alright. Okay, Sally. Thank you for talking to us. It's been great talking to you. You're on a great mission. Am I able to get the coverage for a TBD?

Yes, absolutely. Okay. We'll be in touch with you, all right? All righty. Well, thank you for calling, and thank you for having me on. All right. Thanks, Sally. Thanks for trying to save the world.

It's awesome. Have a good day, guys. Thank you. You too. There you go. Goldmine You too. There you go. Goldmine, man. There you go. Sally Dolly.

Well, I was disappointed when she said that most of the butts didn't have tobacco left in them. I've been thinking about that. You can't smoke a filter. We need someone to go in and pick the good ones and the bad ones. There's got to be some good ones. Yeah. We need a hand. Oh, I could build a sifter where they only go through with a certain size.

All right. Most of them are washed, so they're... It's clean tobacco. Fresh. What do you mean they're washed? Who doesn't wash them? Oh, but they get rained on and they get cleaned. It's, like, fresh.

Pottlebots. Yep. Put them in the oven. Boys, I'm telling you, right now, we build her a cigarette costume and get her a botmobile. She's gonna be a superstar. She's gonna be superstar. She's gonna do the whole rounds of all the talk shows. And we're gonna be fucking retired.

She did say that I'm basically her manager now, so... Did she? Yeah. I missed that part where you said you're her manager. Well, she said I said we're good, right? At the very end, she was like, yeah said i said we're good right at the very end she's like yeah so we're good okay i got a lot of uh brainstorm to do here boys all right what do we want to talk about anything guys well you disrupted the whole podcast that i had i thought i was going to make a million dollars all right no we're now i'm not a

million dollars we're going to probably make way more than a million, man. A million dollars on Sally's Cigarette Box. Easy, man. Walk me through it. Well, you heard how expensive cigarettes are and how many people are buying them, so imagine if you could buy a pack of butts for a buck, two bucks.

Well, more than that. Plus, you can have franchises out to each fucking town. One million. In America. Oh, you're gonna franchise it out? Yeah. You get handlers, you get fucking people going to it and collecting the shit. One million divided by, say, 50 bucks in a pack is 100,000 times the dollars. 100,000 dollars right there.

That's way more than that, man. Plus, you're talking about, what was it, 40,000 elephants? That weight? That's a lot of fucking butts, man. Yeah, 30,000 elephants. 30,000 elephants. There's not even that many elephants in the world. No, I don't think that's the point, Ricky. It's just a reference thing. Yeah, but they should have used something that's real.

Like, you could never line up 30,000 elephants, because they don't think that's the point, Ricky. It's just a reference thing. Yeah, but they should have used something that's real. Like, you could never line up 30,000 elephants because they don't exist. Okay, we got to get back on track with this podcast, boys. We have anything fucking prepared or... I thought you had a few things. I know that it's a pretty lame day for born days. All right, what you got? 1791, Samuel Moririsi. Oh. Samuel Moririsi. Who?

Samuel Morse. Oh, the inventor of the Morse code. I thought that he invented part of it and the other guy was code. That's why it's called Morse code, the two dudes. No, code is what it is. Samuel Morse and Tom Code. Yeah. No, Ricky, they're not a songwriting team.

Fuck's sakes. Oh, and he was a painter, too. He was born in Charlestown, Massachusetts. I thought that said he was a penguin. The guy that invented Morse Code was not a fucking penguin, Ricky. Well, you don't have to be that smart to fucking click things. Ooh. And where was the first was not a fucking penguin, Ricky. Well, you don't have to be that smart to fucking click things.

Ooh. And where was the first invention? What a fucking invention that is. You know each... Deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet. I can fucking... I just invented it. There. You didn't just invent it with... You know that each deet means a letter, right?

What? Oh, my fuck. You thought he was just going deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet, deet. Yeah, and certain deets, you'd be like, oh, yeah, I think I know what he's saying there. No, Ricky, each letter of the alphabet has a specific deet, deet. Like a short, long, or a long, long, short. Oh, my fuck. How would you ever know that?

Well, you've got to memorize some shit, man. That's a lot of fucking thinking. And think how long it would take you to write a message. It takes a while. I'd be going, fuck, okay,

just fucking spit it out. The big fuck off. I can't deal with it. I don't like Morse code. Ricky. That's how they used it.

That's how they started it, man. That's how they talked. Oh my God, it would make me insane. That's before telephone. One page letter, four hours. Where was the first fucking transmission? It was up, what, Signal Hill or something? Sweden. No, it was at your mother's house. I knew you were going to say that. And it was, you know what it meant? What did it mean? Here we go again. Bring me some cock. See, that's not fucking nice.

I'm right on that lecker today, boys. Just keep drinking. Just make sure you have one of these around you. Fucking pukey. I'm not... Oh, my God. Went right up my nose, all over my lenses. What the fuck did this come...

Check out this horrifying Brazilian testicle mascot. What? A testicle mascot? Oh, yeah, it is, too. What the fuck? He's a testicle mascot. Is that a kid posing next to the fucking testicle mascot? Yeah, that is a...

Well, kids have testicles, too, Julian. That is a... Yeah, I know theyicles too, Julian. That is a... Yeah, I know they have kids. They have testicles. But this is a young girl. Why is a young girl standing next to... Not Zach, Ronnie. What's his name?

I don't know what his name is. She probably knows what it is. She's probably seen her dad's. Mr. Balls, they call him. He's got fucking hair on him. A hairy, bald, fucking creature. Why would they do that? He's raising awareness about testicular

cancer. He's not just out fucking... Why isn't he swollen up? Why does he have to look like such a creepy-looking fucking goose? He looks like Randy. He does look like Randy. Randy's a ball sack. He looks like Randy with two guts. I want to meet Mr. Balls.

Maybe we could track down Mr. Balls and have him on the show. You imagine if Mr. Balls was here? How does this thing walk around? What a time we'd be having. Does he have legs to come out through the fucking sack? Yeah, he's a fella. There's a guy inside. Yeah, but where's the legs?

There's just a fucking, he just slimes around. I wonder what he smells like. Cancer stinks. Dirty old sack. Probably stinks. He's sweating in that thing. Oh Jesus, Mr. Balls, huh?

I guarantee you that thing's gonna get knocked out. They should have a big fucking tumor or something on it, maybe. Like, right now he looks too happy. Yeah, they should have a big weeping sore on him. Well, then I'd be like, oh, fuck. That's a healthy sack. He's happy. He shouldn't be happy if he's got fucking balls sack cancer.

Mr. Balls. That reminds me, I should get my balls checked. Joe, we ain't not checking for you. I'm not checking his fucking balls. What's the other thing you're supposed to check back there? Or down there? Your prom state. Pros.

Pros state. Yeah. Yeah. I usually just check my own. What? Do you know what you'd be looking for? No. Something unusual.

Don't start brimming your fingers up your ass. Something out of the ordinary. Just wait now. I just want to get to the bottom of this. You check your own prostate? Well, I don't really want a doctor ramming things up there. How often do you do that? I say you should do it once a year.

I think I do. Can you walk me through the process? Well, you find out what's normal. Yeah, how do you find that out? Well, you hope the first time you do that that's what normal feels like. So you set a baseline. Yeah, and then after that,

you just check for things that don't seem normal. So far, I haven't found any, thank goodness. Ricky, you're not checking yourself. You're finger-blasting your ass. That's what you're doing. If you don't know what to check for, you're not checking yourself. You're finger blasting your ass. That's what you're doing. If you don't know what to check for, you're just fingering yourself. It's fucking...

Kind of right. You've got to go to a doctor, man. What position do you get in when you're doing this? You've got to curl up in the fetal position. Oh, man. Please never let me walk into you doing that, into your room. Please.

So you lay on the floor in the fetal position and ram your finger up your head. I've watched a thing, but that's how you're supposed to do it, except you're supposed to get someone else to do it. Yeah. Right hand or left hand? A doctor. A doctor is who you're supposed to get to do it.

Not just somebody. What, are you going to get Donnie to check it? They should have a different service for that whole thing. I think people will get checked more regularly. Yeah. What do you mean? How should they make a difference? A specialist. You mean a good looking specialist? Man or woman, depending on what you're into.

They have them. They're called proctologists. And that's what they do. They check your arse for things. Anomalies. Arse anomalies. Polyps. Tumors. Swollen masses. What's a polyp? Sounds like a fish.

No, Ricky, that's a polyp. You don't have a fish up your arse, do you? No. You probably fit one up there easily enough. Now that he's stretched her out with his fist. We did have that weird initiation that time. What? What initiation?

Who? Just a jail. Guys were starting some club. Dougie's club. Yeah, it was a weird one. And what happened? In order to get in the club, you had to ram a mackerel up your ass. A mackerel?

Like, why would you do that? It's frozen. A frozen mackerel? It wasn't a big mackerel. Like, a little one. You put a frozen mackerel up your, why would you do that? It's frozen. A frozen mackerel. It wasn't a big mackerel. Like, a little one. You put a frozen mackerel up your ass? I, no. I don't remember.

What, so you could be friends with Dougie? I don't think I did, but some other people did for sure. No, you did. Other people put the mackerel in your ass? No. I think you got raped by the mackerel. Definitely. By Dougie.

A lot of weird shit goes on in jail. You just gotta avoid the weird shit, man. Casey Kasem was born today. Oh, man, I liked him. 1932. Yeah. I'm Casey Kasem.

Is he still on the go? No, Ricky. Casey Kasem died years ago. Yeah, I thought he did. He was born in 32. It's hard to keep track. But he's always on the American Top 40!

Is it still going? No, but they play reruns of it. Yeah, that's what I mean. I know he's dead. Yeah, that... that dick took over, didn't he? Who? The dick. Dick Clark? Yeah.

I don't know. Is Dick Clark alive? No, he's not alive, man. Dick Clark! He died before him. Before Casey. Dick Clark? Really? No, he didn't. He's been dead for's not alive, man. Dick Clark. He died before him. Before Casey. Dick Clark? Really? No, he didn't. He's been dead for fucking 15 years, man. 10 years. I'm saying

10. A good 10. You pull up Casey Kasem and Dick Clark, I'll bet you $1,000 Casey Kasem died before him. Nope. Fucked up. I remember Casey Kasem. That's not fucking black. I used to picture him when you'd hear his voice. God damn it!

I'd picture Casey, Casey and Finnegan. Okay. He died fucking six years ago. Who did? Dick Clark. Yeah. Okay. You look up Casey Kasem, he died longer than six years ago.

Was he the guy that was on the radio? 2014. I win. Casey Kasem. Really? Look who knows everything about Dick Clark and Casey Kasem. Well, color me maroon. I guess I was wrong. Yep, you were. That was right. I don't have maroon. I got purple.

Just a figure of speech, Ricky. Okay, boys. I think it's time to get on the lecker. Okay. Keep it going, bud. This is nothing else to talk about, huh? That's it. I'm done. I got to go fucking crunch some numbers and get back to Sally before she changes her mind or someone else fucking scoops her up. Yeah, we got to get it on.

We got to get building that sacred butt costume. You going to still get her going, bubs? Huh? You going to get her going? Keep her going? Or are you just going to have a nap? I'm going to crack another one right now. Yeah. Crack one to start the podcast,

crack one to end it. I think I better roll up some dregs. Okay, boys, this is gonna end it right here. Are you ready? What are you doing? You should do it over your fucking laptop, man. It's gonna be fine. All right.

Maybe I'll just close it. Oh, I closed my popcorn in my laptop. See, you're starting to get drunk. Yeah. You're doing things that are fucking stupid. Hey, Ricky, here. Go check your prostate. What the fuck is with all...

That's a good idea. What the fuck is with all the... They have no feeling, though. You'd never be able to feel it. What the fuck is with all the fruit and shit, man? I started eating fruit. I got fucking brainwashed. What?

It was actually pretty good. Fruit's not bad. Fruit is great. Fruit's delicious, man. I started eating fruit. I got fucking brainwashed. What? It was actually pretty good. Fruit's not bad. Fruit is great. It's delicious, Ricky. It's, like, sweet. Yes. And you put this magical sauce on it, it's even better. That's like a fruit dip. I might start eating fruit.

Oh, Ricky. Is it good for you? Yes. Fuck, man. Wow, something that tastes all right and it's good for you. Ray's never fed you fucking fruit as a kid? That's cool. Ricky never had a fucking apple until he was 17. That's fucked up.

Whoa, boys, is the drugs or is that, like, spinning? It's spinning. Okay, fuck. All right, I gotta go, boys. I gotta fucking get on this. Make us some money. Yeah, don't fucking forget to include us this time. Ricky, have you ever had these?

What is it? Watermelon? Is that water? Oh, I thought it was strawberries. No, those are strawberries. Have you not had a strawberry? Not one that looked like that. Ricky, I'm not joking. You pop that fucking thing in your mouth...

Do you put the magical dip on it? ...the magical dip onto it. Get ready to have your mind blown. Oh, yeah? I think I ate one of these already. I thought it was watermelon. Huh? Huh?

That's a good bit of food, that. Strawberry. Hmm. Okay, watch this. The magic poof. When I crack this, we're just gonna disappear into a dust cloud. Neat. See ya, everybody. Trippy.