Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 143 - Keep on Truckin’

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

Whatchoo talkin' about, Bubbles? The Boys raise a glass to Verne Troyer, figure out how many Big Macs are in a cow, and eat some cat butt gum! Also, they answer some f#*ked emails from you awesome fans! Episode 143 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Lickerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. What do you got there? Do you got anything to talk about or what? Ah, fuck. I can't do this today, man. I'm too fucked. I'm tired. Quarter buddy, have a smoke. Quarter buddy, have a smoke. You okay, bubs? Oh, yeah. You're fucking short circulating.

No, I'm doing all right, Ricky. Okay. Just gonna crack another one of these to get the thing rolling. Ready? Yep. It's official. It's Yep. It's official. It's on. It's on. It's on.

Okay. All right. Should I start to do the intro thing there? Yes. Yes, man. It's on, fuckers. It's the official podcast. Holy lame.

Of the Trailer Prep Boys. It's Friday. Sucks. Worst one you've ever done. And I don't even know. What episode is this? It's 142. It's Friday. Worst one you've ever done. And I don't even know, what episode is this? It's 143. It's May 11th.

It's written right on the fucking page. Isn't May 11th a special day? It's a lame day. Look, there's nothing to talk about today. There's all kinds of shit happening. One of the shittiest days of the year. There's fucking parades happening. The parade.

Chang and Eng Bunker were born in 1811, bud, on this day. Who the fuck are they? Chang and Eng Bunker. That's the Chinese Archie Bunker. What are you talking about? Chinese Archie Bunker was born in 1811. All right. Chinese-Thai-Siamese twins born in Samustongoran, Kram, Thailand.

They died in 1870. They were Siamese twins. I know what you're talking about now. You're an arm. Very exciting. That's exciting. Ricky, why don't you get excited? Salvador Dali.

Dali. Salvador Dali. He's somebody. Dali. He was a Spanish surrealist artist, Ricky, you know. What's a surrealist? Remember the painting I showed you where the clocks were melting down off the thing?

Oh, yeah, that was cool. It was like acid shit. Yeah. He was all fucked up. He had a great big one of those big twirly mustaches, you know, twirled out, and he had an anteater. He used to walk around with an anteater on a leash. I like the guy already.

Yeah, he was fucked up. He was fucked up, man. But you know that painting? You always see it with the clocks? You know how big the fucking original is? How big? Take a guess. I don't know.

I don't even know what painting you're talking about. You know the painting? The size of it. Where clocks are melting? The size of what they call a typical photograph? It's about that big, Ricky. Fucking originals are about that big. Oh, shit. Seriously?

Originals are about that big. Wow. Yep. Swear to fuck. You must have been small. Just do dolly, clock's mouth. I got it, I got it. It's called the something of time.

Oh, yeah. Did you find it? Oh, this one right here. No, that's not it. You like to Did you find it? Oh, this one right here. No, that's not it. You like to melt clocks, eh? There's another one then. No. Melting clock.

Not one clock. Clocks. Clocks. You punched in cocks, now you got a big punch of cocks on the screen. Stop being a dick. And now you're salivating. No. That one a dick. And now you're salivating. No.

That one right there? Yes. That's the first time I've ever seen this picture. Let me see it. Yeah, you've never seen that before? No, man. The original's only that fucking big. That's really weird.

I saw it at the MoMA. The MoMA. What's that, man? The Museum of Modern Art in New York City I went to. So how much is this painting worth? Oh, you couldn't buy the fucking thing. Don't get it, man. Millions?

Millions. I would think so. Holy fuck. You can't just go out and buy a Salvador Dali from the fucking Museum of Modern Art. Is he in any relation to the other guy? Who, Ricky? I forget his name. Well, then, yes, he is related to that guy.

He was another artiste. All right, who else? We got Butch Trucks. Butch Trucks. That's quite the fucking handle. He was the drummer for the Allman Brothers Butch Trox He just died not that long ago

Butch Trox did? Yep 2017 You're right Butch Trox Kind of looks like Lanny McDonald Doesn't he? A little bit, yeah

A little bit like Lanny He's got a big soup cooler on him. Big fucking dick broom. Big dick broom on him. 1980. Matthew Lawrence from, is he the guy on Friends? Matthew Lawrence. No, Ricky, that was Matthew Perry.

I might as well. The best thing to do is just look it up. Matthew Lawrence. He's an actor from Dynasty. All right. Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1980. So he's not all that old. Don't know him.

I don't know him either. I don't know this fucking guy. Cory Monteith? Oh, yeah. I know that guy. That guy? That's Joey Lawrence's brother. You know Joey Lawrence.

You used to have pictures of him on your wall. No, I didn't. You had Joey Lawrence pictures. I'm awfully excited to fucking know that you know this guy. Oh, man. It looks like something bad didn't happen, went down with him. With who? Cory.

Cory Monteith. Yeah, he's dead. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah's dead. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah, he was that... Actor and musician from Canada. Born in Calgary. He was on Glee. He died in 2013.

I don't remember that. We should have a moment of silence. What happened to Cory Monteith? Yeah, man, you do. It was fucking bad. It involved a pickup or something. What happened to Cory Monteith? I didn't know. You see a pickup or something. What happened to Cory Monteith? I didn't know he passed away.

You see a pickup? Didn't some guy get fucking crushed himself with a truck or something? He didn't have it in park or was it in park? I don't think that was him, was it? No, I don't fucking know, man. I don't keep track of it. What the fuck are you talking about? Maybe. Dude, he was in Beverly Hills or something, man. I don't know.

Well, let's raise a glass to Cory. Let's raise a glass to this guy. Corey Monteith. I didn't even know he passed away. We should raise a glass to our friend VT as well. Yes. Who? Vern.

Oh, yes. Vern Troyer passed away. God love him. Yeah. Little Vern, he was fucking awesome. He was a great dude. He was a fucking great little fella. He was fantastic. Yeah. Little Vern, he was fucking awesome. He was a great dude. He was a fucking great little fella. He was fantastic.

That's for Vern. Cheers, Vern. Yeah. Another one. Cheers. Love you, bud. Micro Ninja, remember? Mm-hmm.

Micro Ninja. Fucking Micro Ninja was awesome. That would have been... Holly Valence or Valence? Australian actress, Felicity Flick. I'll get a picture. Sully, Neighbors, and Singer. Born in Melbourne.

Holly Valance. Valance. Okay, that was not that exciting. Oh, yeah, that's her. What the fuck is this doing here? It's Holly, man. Oh, yeah, wow. What's that?

I don't know, man. This is sent to Ricky and Bubbles. What? We got a letter, Ricky. Holy fuck. We got a letter. Who's it from? Rudy.

Rudy Dassey. Oh, I know Rudy. He's giving me some shirts. Oh, yeah? Here, read his letter. He wrote us a letter, and he put something in here. I like his shirts. I've worn some of them. Why didn't you say to me as well?

Does he get a problem with me now? He's passed off of you. Cat butt gum. Eight pieces of kiss my ass attitude. Cat butt gum. Look at that. Cat butt gum? Try some.

How are things going since the shocking death? Bleep, bleep, bleep. Do you have any... Here, start that over right on, yeah? This gum is obvious for bubbles. As a gag. Noviti gift. So I hope you have laugh, not a cow, man.

Ricky. Please try that out. There's no way he wrote it like that. You just can't read. Just read that sentence and tell me what you get out of it. This gum is obvious for bubbles as gag novelty gift, so I hope you have laugh, not a cow, man. He was reading it, right?

Nice. Please try them out on camera and let me know what you was reading it, right? Nice. Please try them out on camera and let me know what you think of them, I dare you. Also, would Bubble find a gift like this funny or offensive? I and many other fans have sent you shirts in the past,

but I have noticed, comma, nobody really knows what size measurements you guys wear, comma. So could you be so kind and tell noticed, comma, nobody really knows what size measurements you guys wear, comma, so could you be so kind and tell us, comma, or add that information formation to your website somewhere, comma, so, comma, I and others, comma, can send you the right fitting shirts. This last paragraph is for Ricky. No offense, comma, but I have sent you a lot of shirts as gift. Thank you, Rudy.

The past, comma, but you have only really worn two from the dozen I have sent you, comma. Did they not fit, comma, or do you just simple not like them? Slash, care for them. No offense taken if you did, comma, but I sent you a lot of shirt, comma, and I was hopeful, hoping most of them would at least be worn once on camera. So, comma, no offense, comma, why have you not worn more of them? Question marks. Uh-oh.

Also, when you came to Calgary for your tour, I gave the merchandise booth a Ricky shirt and necklace. Did you get them, and are you going to wear them like the notes suggest that you do? I did not get a necklace. I did get a shirt, which I think I wore on the last podcast. I think you need to slow your fucking roll there, Rudy. Fuck, Rudy. Settle the fuck down.

Calm down, man. Slow your fucking roll. Throw a period in there sometime and just take a breath and then continue to write. I heard they use some of your shirts on State of the Union. I don't know if I get all your shirts. If you've sent that many, the ones I have got that I liked, I have worn.

Well, just the fact that he sent them is not... Some of them didn't fit. They were way too big. XXL. Okay, it doesn't taste like cat butts. We're usually like an L or XL.

I just want to make something clear. Just because Rudy sent some shirts, that does not create a fucking binding contract where you are required to wear them.

That's a good point, Bubbles. You know, so slow your fucking roll, Rudy. That's the word everybody's using these days. What does it mean? Slow your roll. Slow your roll. Did you try the gum? Yeah, it's just peppermint gum. It's fine. Did you like it?

Not particularly. I just don't want gum to fuck up my beer right now. And I'm not required to chew really fucking gum. You are not. Were you offended by the gum, though? He did ask you that question. I was not offended by the gum, but I will be offended if the cocksucker's offended that I didn't chew it.

But you chewed it, so he won't be. Well, there you go. Slow your roll. Man, this has been a depressing podcast. We've got people fucking angry. Just wait, I've got the... We had people we didn't know about. I've got the, um...

I got the emails here from when I asked people. Oh, great. You know? So let's see what we got in the mailbox. Let's do it, man. This one starts off with... Fuck your cum dumpster uncle's butthole in the balls with chlamydia. That's the... That's his handle?

No, that's the header. Oh, okay. Fuck your cum dumpster uncle's butthole in the balls with chlamydia. Julian should take off his shirt sometime and say things like, keep on trucking or what you talking about bubbles while flexing. I think that's a great idea. It says it, I swear. Where was that from?

I don't know. Some guy named Watch TV Network. The Watch TV Network. Keep on trucking. Keep on trucking or watch you talk about bubbles while flexing. What you talk about bubbles while flexing. No shirt on is what he's looking for. You can see me doing that.

Just do it with the shirt on then. What the fuck is wrong with people? Give us a power flex. I'm not power flexing. Give us a two-arm pumper. No, man. See what you got, kid. It's lame.

It's lame. It's not lame when you're standing in front of the mirror. Bullshit, man. I don't do that. Gotta stop drinking. Fuck off, it says. Have you seen the news today? Apparently every drink over like one a week or something

knocks 15 minutes off your life. Well, I'm gonna die in the next five minutes. Yeah, I'm... Yeah. Okay, that wasn't really a question no see more fucking depressing shit yeah i'm hating this podcast questions and suggestions sup boys how many times have fans slapped touched randy's big old dirty cheeseburger belly a shit ton how many times do we think we've seen that? I'd say a couple thousand. Would have to be.

At least a couple thousand. Would have to be a couple thousand. No, us seeing it, maybe, I don't know, a thousand, but it happening? Probably a hundred thousand. A hundred thousand? I'd say so, man. Geez, I don't know about that. He goes out on the road, man. I'm telling you.

Hey, bubs, what do you guys think about VR headsets like the Oculus Rift being a thing? Sounds like a good thing to do while stoned. They should make a Sunnyvale game for VR. Sam Squamish, Hunter. Who's been saying this? You've been saying that. You have been saying it. Ricky.

Whoa, what happened? You started. You got in a record groove again. Ricky. Whoa, what happened? You started, you got in a record groove again. Fuck. Bubz, I looked into it. What were you talking about? There's a lot of money. You need a lot of money to get those going.

But somebody would pay it. Is that that shit you put on my eyes and made me fucking all freaked out? Remember I put the helmet on you and you went to another dimension? Liked it. Scared me. Have to be on crazy drugs to be okay with it. I think we need a VR game, boys. All right, let's do it.

Imagine getting in the shitmobile and robbing a liquor store. Totally, man. But you get to sit right in the car with us. VR porn? Oh, I've seen some of that, believe me. No, I mean Sunnyvale. No, we're keeping... We don't want to see that, man.

Jeff, who's this? Warren Van Stachelman. What's he have to say? He just says, big fan of the boys. Lars from Oostend. Great. Fucking great email, bud. Thanks for sending that in.

Oh, just wait. there's more here. You guys should have some kind of merchandise or accessoires that would be decent. Some merchandise? TrailerPretBoys.com, motherfucker. How many times have I got to say it? TrailerPretBoys.com. Go there. Go to the store.

Get out your credit card. Buy all kinds of shit. Maybe he's just saying the merch sucks. No, he's saying you guys should have some kind of merchandise. That would be decent. Oh, my fuck. Okay. That infuriates Julian.

That turns him into the gay Hulk. It does. Gotta stop drinking. Fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ. I just read that one. Fuck's sakes. God damn.

Stephen Hurtley. Hey, boys, can you talk about the James Webb telescope? Yes, what can? The new telescope, the James Webb. She's launched. I saw it launch. She's about, fuck, five, ten times as big as the Hubble. Yeah.

Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, baby. You wait till that baby says. People aren't sure if it's real or not, but we will find out. But the flat earthers, they don't believe that's real. Not bad, right? Who doesn't believe it's real? It's just a lot of talk out there.

No, there's not actually, Rick. I don't think anybody... See, it's a big first. What, that the James Webb telescope doesn't exist? Right. Well, it doesn't exist the way they claim it. So the flat Earth people are saying that, I'm sure. And some three-quarter Earth people.

What are three quarter earth people? They think there's like a slice of pie missing. I don't know how it works, but there's some big thing you can fall into, depending on which way you come out of. Oh, did you see the big sinkhole that just opened in New Zealand? No.

What does that mean? This guy has a farm. All of a sudden, six stories as long as two football fields just drops. That's pretty- Six stories deep. Did things get dead? Or peoples? No, it was out in the field, so I don't know if it got anything or not. What the fuck causes that sort of shit, that fucking-

Water under the ground, Ricky, underground rivers eat away at the thing. Wow, that is fucked. And kablammo. Yeah, you don't want to- under the ground, Ricky. Underground rivers. Wow. Eat away at the thing. That is fucked. And kablamo. Yeah. St. Coles, baby. That'd fucking freak you out. That would freak you the fuck out. Hey, Bob's got a suggestion for your show.

You should make a character day where all three of you dress up in your fave costume. Fuck you, you fucking asshole. He wants us to dress up in our favorite costumes. Who would you dress up as, Ricky? This guy. Who's this? He's the sailor chicken. Sailor chicken

Dan with the big fucking joint in his mouth. That's your favorite character. I didn't hear what the question was. You should all three of you dress up in your favorite costumes. Okay. What's your favorite costume? I like being the Stanley Cup.

Yeah. I don't know. What do you think? Any suggestions? Suggestions? I think you'd make a good... Housewife? Housewife. I don't know. I was just thinking off the box. What would your favorite costume be, Julian? He wants to be a housewife.

There's already a day for that. It's called Halloween. I'm not going to just fucking randomly. What's it called? What a dick. Halloween. Yeah. You dress up as something.

Is that anything like Halloween? Halloween. Fuck off, bubs. You know what I'm talking about. Halloween. Halloween. Yeah. You dress up as something. Is that anything like Halloween? Halloween. Fuck off, bubs. You know what I'm talking about. Halloween. Halloween. For fuck's sakes.

Suck the bean on Halloween. I'll dress up as something through, you know. Fuck that. I'll do it. What are you gonna be, Ricky? Don't know. I'm gonna go to the costume store and say, dress me. That's what you're going to say at the costume store, is it?

Yep. How about this one? Here are some guests I think you should have on the podcast. Okay. They shouldn't be that hard to book since you've worked with a few of them, and most of them are Canadian. Oh, I already did this one, didn't I? Did I do this one? Snow, the rapper?

Yeah. You did. Yeah, you did that one. Fuck's I? Did I do this one? Snow, the rapper? Yeah. You did. Yeah, you did that one. Fuck sakes. I'm fucking everything up here. I know. This podcast is going to shit. No, here.

I move up to a new section. Hi, Bubbles, Ricky and Julian. I listen. Do you think a bee has black eyelids? Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck, Ricky. Yeah? Because I have no black. What. Mm. Oh, my fuck, Ricky. Yeah? Because I have no black.

What colors do you have, Ricky? Because bees have different colored lids. Brown. You could have brown lids. There's a lot of brown in here already. I'll have to finish them next time. No, Ricky. Let's see what you got.

It's getting there. We should be selling these, I'm telling you. No. Look at that. It's not worth anything, bubs. You're good, Collar and Ricky. It's getting a lot better, man. I'm going to get it tomorrow.

You're doing a lot better with the staying in the lines. We should definitely sell those. I think I might need glasses. I listened to your podcast and would like to have Ricky do the air traffic controller simulation. How about a pilot simulation too as a competition between you three? Can you simulate an air traffic controller, Ricky? Short circuit. Look at his brain.

Look at his brain. What is it to do? What is it to do? It's not a good start, but... What does they do? Oh, United 2-6 heavy. Oh, that thing. Okay.

Turn right, heading 130. Descend to 32,000. Hold that. All right. Air Canada 757, maintain heading 569-er. 569-er. That's a weird heading. 569-er?

Heading 569. You're off the grid there somewhere in a different dimension. There's only 360 degrees and he's at 569. I also thought the Alexa podcast was hilarious. Maybe you should torture Siri, too. And she has several voices and accents. Let's do it. Hey, there's a Siri right there.

Where? Right there, isn't it? What? Siri's on this thing. On your phone. There's a fucking phone. Is that an Apple phone? Yeah, man.

Oh, get Siri talking to us. I bet I can get the fucking asshole to swear. In one podcast, Bubbles, you mentioned birds don't use dog hair to make nests. I have seen a chipping sparrow nest made with my dog's fur in the lining. There are YouTube videos of birds getting dog fur. Rather funny. Well, there you go. Colleen from Ontario. Here, let me see her for a minute. Sorry? Yeah, I know how to...

I've been fucking with these people a little bit. Alright, man. Let's see what you got, bud. I know it's not a person, Ricky. It is, but sometimes you fuck them up and they don't think they hear the words and they just spit them back out or whatever. And they teach this shit, too.

Watch this. If you want to know how many miles is the moon. How does it work? Oh, wait a minute. Oh, fuck. I thought you were saying how to... Interesting question. How does it work?

Okay. Hey, Siri. How many miles is it to the moon, for fuck's sakes? Hey Siri How many miles is it to the moon for fuck's sakes Here's what I found on the web For how many miles is it to the moon for Fox 6 She almost swore at Ricky A greasy greeting from Denmark. Howdy, boys.

Listen to this. Long-time listener of the greatest podcast ever to put on the airwaves. In one of the earlier ones, Bubbles and Ricky mentioned Julian was figure skating with Randy and that they did double salchow pretty well and that you have old pictures of this. There's any chance you can share those pictures or tapes with the audience? Jesus. Greasy greetings from Nicolaj in Denmark. P.S. George Green has really become a major dick in the latest seasons.

Also, I want to visit you guys in Sunnyvale, smoke some driveway hash, and drink some swish with you fellas. I do have the pictures of Julian and Randy figure skating. No, you don't. I have them on my computer. You're so full of shit. I do have the pictures of Julian and Randy figure skating. No you don't. I have them on my computer. You're so full of shit. I have them. I didn't. When did I do that? And they're going up. They're going up right now. Yeah here we go. That was pictures of you and Randy figure skating. You had him by the waist. That was when he was a little leaner. Randy was a little leaner. Why are you fucking with me right now? Because.

You know that didn't happen. Oh, bullshit. Is Julian fucking attracted to men? There's no need for that. Yeah, there is no need for that, dick. All right. OK, well, is that enough of those email things? It's giving me a headache.

It's giving me a headache. It's giving me a headache. What do you got written down there, Ricky? If you were married, would you perform oral sex on your wife? What are you... what? Well, didn't you hear about DJ Khalid? Is that him? Yeah. He's getting fucking hammered, I guess,

because he refuses to perform oral sex for his wife or on his wife. Why? I'm not quite sure. I'm having trouble figuring out. Unless she doesn't clean herself or whatever. Yeah. It's a possibility. But that's a weird one.

Because isn't that one of the better parts of it all? Not to him. He says, fuck that. I can't imagine really not doing that. He ain't down with it. I don't know. What do you think, bubs? But she still expects her to do it, I guess. Oh, really?

Yeah. Mmm, selfish, man. Doesn't seem right. No. Put a fucking Ziploc bag over your face and go down. That's the problem. Tongue condom? Yeah. So they don't do the 39 or whatever it is.

Get some Febreze. Shhh. Spray the shit. What's a 39? Whatever the number is where you get, you know... Intertwined? The what? The 39.

What number is it? 69. The 69. Yes, boss. A 39. You'd have to? 69. The 69, yes. You'd have to have at least three people. Yeah, I guess so. Well, one person just lays sideways.

Get it? No, man, I don't get it. Does anybody have anything good for this shitty podcast? I mean, I've got one story here, man. There's a guy here from Nova Scotia. Okay. His name is Lorne Grabber. So he's got the little vanity plate, you know, that you buy. That's what he's got.

He's got his last name on it. And the Department of Motor Vehicle said, that's it. Even though you've had it since 2011, time to get rid of her butt. And he's saying, fuck you. Actually, since 2000... Is that how he spells his last name? Grab her. Yeah, that's how he does it.

It's like legit. I think that's horse shit. Freedom of language and speeches and acts of Canada. You should be allowed to fucking have whatever the fuck you want on there if that's your name. Grab her. Ooh, so offensive. Oh, God, he might go grab her. Fuck off. Yeah, that's your name. Grab her. Ooh, so offensive. Oh, God, he might go grab her. Fuck off.

Yeah, it's fucked. And his dad, who's now dead, got him this, paid for it, and said, here you go, son. Be proud of your fucking name. That's horse cockery. That's a bit horse cockery. That is horse cockery, man. He's going to court and everything.

The same thing happened to fucking Jimmy Cumlips. Well, yeah, that was totally different. Brad Cornhole. Brad Cornhole suffered the same fate. Jimmy Cumlips couldn't have a vanity plate. I remember. Remember? Yeah.

Oh, Jimmy Cumlips. Jimmy Cumlips. Yep, so I don't know. Keep fighting, man. I've seen a guy's plate. I think his name was Ted Erect, and he was okay. Ted Erect. Yeah.

Drive by and go, Arya? You'd just yell at his car, would you? Arya, you good to go? Take the next right. What? You were giving him erection directions? Get it? Yeah, Bobbs, I get it.

I found another funny different person. Who? Don. Fuck. Gorko. I might have fucked this up now. Fawn Dulac. Wisconsin.

Ate 30,000 fucking Big Mac. His 30,000th Big Mac. What? Yes. There's no way, Ricky. 64. He said he eats at least one every day since 1972. Oh, man.

Now, the numbers are a little fucked. So that's 46 years he's been eating Big Macs. Yep. 30,000 Big Macs divided by 46 years. Did the math already. It's 652 a year. That's a lot of fucking Big Macs.

At least two a day. Unless he has receipts for all of them, I'm gonna have to say I think he might be exaggerating. 30,000 Big Macs. How big is he? Is he a big fella? He's actually not. He's 64, so he's doing all right.

Fucking cholesterol must be through the roof. Normal. Maybe he found the fountain of fucking youth. Blood pressure? It says it's normal. I'd have to see it to believe it, but... You can't eat fucking two Big Macs a day for 46 fucking years and have normal... Well, two Big Macs a day.

Well, you'd have to eat at least two a day, but they're saying he ate one a day at least, so there's days he's probably eaten four and five of them. But there might be days he does lunch and dinner. Yeah, but, Ricky, you're still piling 30,000 fucking Big Macs in yourself. I wonder how many full cows he ate. Should do the math on that. How many Big Macs would fit in a cow?

I mean the beef. I would say about 126. No, Ricky. No, way more than that, man. Way more than 120. The patties on a Big Mac are not that thick. What kind of cow are you talking about? A big fucking beef cow.

They're mostly bone. Cows are not mostly bone, Ricky. They're made of beef. That's what cows are. Beef logs. So if you built a cow out of Big Mac patties, I bet you you'd fit. I'll tell you exactly how many right now, bud.

5,000? Hey, ask that Siri bitch. I'm not sure why I call her a bitch. Just a second. She's been pissing me off lately. How many Big Mac patties can you make from a cow? I'm going to ask Siri. Where is she?

He took her back. He's keeping her close to his cock. Hey, Siri. How many Big Macs can you get out of a cow? Here's what I found on the web for how many Big Macs can you get out of a cow. Have a look. Thank you. She is pretty nice sometimes.

Oh, fuck. Okay. Now it's getting into the whole, you know how they say. Siri, show me a picture of Big Cocks. Why would you do that, man? This isn't working, man. I would say 5,000 patties in a cow. Wouldn't you say?

Anyway, I think it's fucked. So that means if it was 5,000 patties, he's eating seven and a half fucking cows. He's living proof that you can eat whatever the fuck you want and still live to 64. No, you wouldn't get 5,000 patties. It's probably more like 1,000. So he's probably eating about 30, 33 cows.

Still trying to figure it out, man. It's not that easy. I've eaten more than that, probably. Yeah, I guess. Maybe you were right, Ricky. Steak makers. Steak-steak makers. Steak makers. Uh, that's all I got, except that I thought you might like

this cute story about a cat named Pofficer Badges. Officer Badges? Pofficer is a little cat that works for the, uh... Michigan police. Police kitty? Yeah. What's he do? Mostly into like therapy and making public appearances,

signing autographs and shit. Decent. I'd like to meet Pop officer. You should have a Pop officer kitty. I'm gonna. Pop officer. Pop officer George Green. 490 pounds is what you can get out of a cow, beef.

That's a lot. 490 pounds. What are they, quarter pounders? 490 times. Third pounders? Four. Well, they'd be less than a quarter pound, Ricky. Not more.

They'd be like eighth pounders. That's probably what they are. So a quarter pound per Big Mac. You'd get almost 2,000 burgers out of a cow. Oh, fuck. So he's eating 15,000 cows. Holy fuck. No, he hasn't, Ricky.

No, that's... Not if there's 2,000 patties in one cow. 15. How many? 2,000 patties in one cow. 15. How many? 30,000? He's eating 35,000 Big Macs. 35,000. 30,000.

Two. 30,000. It's 15 cows he's eating. Yeah, 15 whole cows. That doesn't seem like that much over 48 years. No. That doesn't seem like that much over 48 years. No.

But I mean, then figure in he's probably eaten steaks and hamburgers, like at barbecues and things. Yeah, you'd probably think that, wouldn't you, bubs? Probably had a steak here and there. I bet he's eaten... I'd say he's eaten probably 50 cows. So trees can talk. Mm-hmm.

What? What, Ricky? Did I say something? Trees can talk. Yeah, I know. What the... What are you talking about, man? What are you talking about? Trees can... Who told you?

Why would you just blurt that out? No, they can. Who said? They can talk. Biologists. And they know the deal. You know who else said trees can. Who said? They can talk. Biologists. And they know the deal. You know who else said trees can talk? Who?

Rush. Neil Peart. I thought they said they can whisper. Oh, that's chewed up gum. Where did this come from? Your mouth. Cat butthole gum. Fuck's sakes.

Way to go, Rudy. Way to go. Right on, Rudy. Fucking Rudy. Okay, boys. We gotta end this. I'm fucked. I need to go to bed, seriously. Yeah, we need to go to the, Rudy. Way to go. Right on, Rudy. Fucking Rudy. Okay, boys. We gotta end this, I'm fucked. I need to go to bed, seriously. Yeah, we need to go to the liquor store. I always knew they could fucking talk.

Tune in next week when Ricky talks to a fucking tree. They do, they talk to each other. There's even motherfucking trees that warn them. The little bug comes and tries to go, mep, mep, mep. Tree's like sending out messages going, watch out for this little cocksucker. He tries to take your shit and bite you and stick things in you.

Tries to eat your bark. Yep. And then they'll send out some fucking toxins, try to kill all the little fuckers off. Hey, I wonder, do you think bark is worse than the bite? Oh, my fuck. I don't know, but it's fun to get high. It's fun to get high and learn about trees.

Oops. Oops. Okay. Oh my fuck, Ricky. You're something else, bud.