Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 146 - How To Milk A Cockroach

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

The most educational podcast you'll ever friggin' hear! The Boys get learnt on the difference between stupid-smart and smart-stupid, the similarities between humans and cockroaches, and cockroaches and crotch rockets. DECENT! Episode 146 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. How's the bubbler? I'm wasted. Are you ready to bubble? I've been drinking this, boys. Oh, yeah? Your little IPA. Look at that.

Green bastard. Nice. Fucking cracked that baby up. I got one on. I got two of them in this, but here's another one. If somebody wants it, this will start the official podcast. There she is. Makes you want to drink, man. The green bastard IPA. India pale ale. So this is your first drunk of June. June 1st?

June 1st, time to get drunk. My beer that's in here is colder. This is my cold beer here. Oh yeah, look at this, boys. Look at that. Somebody sent me a nice mug. Liquor and horse. Liquor and horse, it says, and it's got bubbles on it. It's got me on it.

It's pretty nice. Look at that. It's all laser cut. It's a nice drinking glass, man. It holds two fucking tall boys. Two tall boys. I got ice in my beer, which is kind of weird. Squeak, squeak, squeak.

What the fuck are you doing? Mousy wants a little drink. Who does? Mousy. That's not a mouse, man. What is it, a dog? No, it's not a dog. That's not a mouse, man. What is it, a dog? No, it's not a dog. That's not a mouse, that's a armadillo.

Armadillo, man. That's a armadillo. That's not a very good rendition. Mousey wants a drink, does he? Ricky's pretty fucked up. All right, let's get this started. Ricky, can I start this or what? Bacaroni.

Bake-alicious. Bacaroni. The San Francisco treat. Bakeroni. The flavor can't be beat. A little bakeroni myself here. Do you remember rice-a-roni? Yes, man. Fuck, we used to eat a lot of rice-a-roni. Alright, what's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Perk Boys podcast coming at you.

This is episode 146. It is June 1st. Holy Jesus. And we are getting drunk today. Someone is fucking pre-pig. Well, okay. This is fucking, it's like summer now. Starting off June with a fucking. You know what I just thought of? Pre-paired, you said. So when you're ready, you're paired.

But if you get ready beforehand, you're pre-paired. So now you're paired. I've never thought of that, man. Me neither. And I took Ricky. Okay, boys. Come with me. I'm never thought of that, man. Me neither. And I took Ricky. Okay, boys. Come with me. I'm getting into a mode here where I feel like I got some mind-blowing things to say.

Okay, good, man. That's good. I can't wait to hear it. Okay, Ricky. Because you know what? Some people are fucking smart stupid, and some people are stupid smart. Smart stupid or stupid smart. That's what your brain's going through right now.

Well, which one are you? I haven't really figured that out yet. Some people are stupid, smart, and some people are smart, stupid. Yep. You're stupid, smart. I am? Yeah. Because you're stupid, but you do some smart things.

Sometimes. Okay, Ricky. Tell me what you are after I tell you this one. Sometimes. Okay, Ricky. Tell me what you are after I tell you this one. Okay. Here's the Earth. Right there in front of us. Okay.

Okay. If you start heading north on the Earth, Yes. eventually you will be heading south, correct? It depends

where it's spinning and shit, I guess. No, but say here's the Earth. Are you spinning with the Earth? Yeah. Yes. Alright, so eventually you should, in theory, I guess, north goes down to south. If you keep heading north, you're gonna

go over the top, and you're gonna go south. You're gonna go east or west? Think about this. If're gonna go east or west? Think about this. If you start heading east, you'll never be going west. Think about that, boys. How fucked is that? It's still a ball, it's still a ball,

but if you go north, eventually you're going south. If you go east, you're never fucking going west. You're always going east. Like, why? Is it because of the way it spins? Yeah, you're right, man. That's a head fuck. Right? It is a head fuck. Because then if you tilt at the earth, you're still going on the same track that you were going east,

but if you just tilt it and you're going north, you eventually go south. That is fucked up. See, I blew his mind. I wish we had a globe right here, man. I think you would be, though. Would be what? You say going east? If you start going east, you're always going east.

But then, aren't you going west on the backside of the darkness? No, you're always going east, buddy. You should have had a globe, man. You're always going east, Ricky. Doesn't make sense to me. I think you're wrong. No, I'm not wrong. That is decent.

That is decent. I guess. I see what you're saying now with the way the land's lined up. Fuck sakes. Yeah. Wow. Okay, what else we got now that I blew everybody's minds? land's lined up. Fuck sakes. Yeah. Wow. Okay, what else we got now that I blew everybody's minds? Yeah, you fucked me up.

A lot of fucking fascinating people born today. Who? Andy Griffith. Oh, Andy Griffith. Yeah. He was from the Andy Griffith show. R.I.P. Andy. Matlock.

Well done. Yeah, he was on Matlock. He was Matlock. Maryland. Yeah, he is Matlock. Fucking Monroe. Ooh, Marilyn Monroe. Hot Monroe. Ooh, Marilyn Monroe. Hot or not hot?

Marilyn Monroe. Fuck off. Just asking. You're joking. Okay, I'm just making sure you know. She was the gypsy. The what? I don't know.

Gorgeous, I was trying to say in Italian. That movie when she was riding the horses. Whew. Wow. Riding the horses. What fucking, what was trying to say in Italian. That movie when she was riding the horses. Whew. Wow. Riding the horses? What fucking, what was that? What movie? Ten?

That's Bo Derek. Man. So you totally fucked up there. You thought Bo Derek was Marilyn Monroe? Well, whoever that was was pretty attractive. That's Bo Derek. She's married to John Corbett. That's right.

Well done. We met. Well done, Mr. Corbett. That's right. Well done. Well done, Mr. Corbett. We met. Morgan fucking Freeman. Morgan Freeman. Yeah, he's having problems these days. He's having some issues these days. Yeah.

A little creepy. Ron Wood. Fuck, like June 1st is like birthday day. Ronnie Woods. Ronnie Wood from the Rolling Stones. While he's also in Small Faces and played for Jeff Pack. Yeah, that's true. But that's beyond the point.

Jeffrey Hawkins. Ooh. He's an inventor. Yes. He invented the Palm Pilot. The Palm Pilot. Is that how you fly a plane with your palm? No, Rick.

You remember the thing? The Palm Pilot came out. It was like the little thing. Oh, I hear you. It was like the first smartphone, baby. I hated those fucking things. You used to steal those. Paul Coffey. Paul Coffey.

No way! Yeah. It's Paul Coffey's birthday today. We know the cough. You know what? Let's call the cough. Want to call him? See if he's there? Wish him a happy birthday. Paul Coffey, for anybody that doesn't know, one of the greatest hockey players of all time.

One of the fastest fucking hockey players of all time. Played on the Edmonton Oilers' dream team, 1985 to 1990. Heidi Klum. There you go, Julian. Yeah, very... You did a lot of spanking to that little lady. How do you know? He told me.

No, he didn't tell you that. He had the poster up in the bathroom. That's a pretty good hint. Such a dick, man. Alanis Morissette. Fuck. Call her next. Listen. Paul Coffey's not answering. He's looking at his phone going, I'm not talking to that fucking Bubbles right now.

How much do you call him, man? Paul Coffey? I call him every day. Yeah, well you're like a stalker. You don't call Paul Coffey every day. You can't do that. He loves it. No, he might pretend he does, but he doesn't.

Whoa. No voicemail or anything. No, just he must have changed his number. I guess when you're that rich, you don't need to fucking get messages. He might have changed his number on me. I can't imagine he would. Oh, I got his work number, too. I call him at work a lot.

Don't call him at work. Call him at work, too, yes. Are you going to call Anastas Morissette? It's her born day. Thank you for calling to your support on Natalia Stikin. How can I help you? Hi, is Mr. Paul Coffey in today? Who?

Paul Coffey. Oh, Mr. Paul Coffey, he's not here anymore. It's at the Lowry Group now. Oh, goodness gracious. Okay, well, I didn't know that. I thought this was his number. Can you tell him we said happy birthday? Okay, no, no, he's not here anymore.

Oh, okay. Well, you tell him we said happy birthday. Just give him a big happy birthday from us and thank you. Okay. Thank you. Love you. Thank you. Bye. I better change that, my phone I better change that, my phone.

Better change that, my phone. That was a fuck-up, bubs. It probably still does work there. Call Alanis Morissette. You got her number? I do have Alanis Morissette's number. All right, call her up. You want to call Alanis?

Yeah. Okay, we'll call Alanis then. She was born in 1974. Marcus Pearson Notch. You got his number? Marcus Pearson Notch? Swedish. I was born in 1974. Marcus Pearson Notch. You gonna gut his number? Marcus Pearson Notch? Swedish. I bet you don't.

You might, though. Video game programmer. Minecraft. I do. With the guy that invented Minecraft, I have his number, too. Amy Schumer. You got her number? Amy Schumer.

Fuck, there's a lot of people born today. I've got all their numbers. Are you calling all those people? All right, you did a hot or not hot. I'm calling you on it. Hot or not hot. Amy Schumer. Yeah?

What, you talking to me? Yeah, man. Fuck you. Why not? Yeah. All right. I'm surprised. You usually like them slim and trim.

No fat above the area, as you say. Ricky, don't get into that shit, man. Fuck's sakes. What is wrong with you? Nick Young, American NBA player. Cleveland Cavs. Wow, and they just fucking, they're on their, in the final again. Yes, yes, they are.

Right on. Okay, that was fun. That's a lot of fucking people. All right, we don't have to do anything else We're done No we're not done I got some more things to talk about But boys

I just came up probably With the most The best money making idea I've ever thought of in my life Nick Young Hot or not hot Fuck Ricky Not

Oh Guys I came up with this idea It's gonna make us a ton of money. Bob, I'm going to need your help. Come in. What is it? All right. It's the ultimate superfood.

We can start getting this thing on the go. People are into this shit. Koala nuts. Nope. Cockroach milk. Cockroach milk. Cockroach milk. We need a cockroach farm.

A cockroach milk? Yes. How do you milk a cockroach? It's not easy, but you can do it. And people are fucking, they're saying, these scientists are saying it's better, three times better than buffalo milk. Cockroach milk. I didn't even know buffalo milk was a thing. It's a thing, man.

So you milk a cockroach on its little teeth? It's one of the most nutritious substances on the fucking earth, man. It's disgusting, but it's a huge moneymaker. Little cockroach teats. Can you explain the milking process to me? Does it have six teats like a cow? I'm still trying to figure it out, but this is the stuff you're going to have to look into.

Or is it like a woman with only two? It takes 1,000 cockroaches to harvest 100 grams of milk. That's a lot of milk. 1,000. That's not that many cockroaches, though, man. But how do you milk them? You got to cut them open? I don't know if they've got little tits that you got to, you know.

I have no idea. One? It's like a unit? I think it's like inside. You get your tweezers and you take this little cat and you go. Or his little fucking penis. I don't think they're milking them that way. See, they're looking

at ways to turn this snakingness into like a... It's not a prostate malking type thing, is it? No, man. No, no, no.

The cockroach gives birth to like their little babies. Yes. Kind of like humans. It's not eggs and shit. It just like pops out and they're like, hey, that's what it is.

So... What do you mean it's not eggs? It's not eggs, man. Like they deliver their kids. Yeah. She fires them right out. Okay, I had no idea that all bugs were egg-layers.

See if there's a cockroach giving birth on YouTube. We don't want to watch that, man. Maybe we can see its little teats. Yeah, pull it up. Yeah, okay. Let's see if we have... How to milk a cockroach. Let's see how you milk a cockroach.

There's a how-to video. How to milk a cockroach. Oh, I better put roach on there. You better. Don't fuck that one up. I don't want to hit return before I add roach. How to milk a cock. I don't need that one. I don't want to hit return before I add roach. How to milk a cock. I don't need that video. If you search how to milk a buffalo, a picture of your mother might come up.

Is it there? Cockroaches have the most nutritious milk on earth. Roach milk. That's what I said. That's what I said. Cockroach milk, the new superfood. Cockroaches in your milk. Cockroach milk.

Lucky bug cockroach milk. Milking milk cockroach milk lucky bug cockroach milk milking the cockroach is it there beetle wants to milk a cockroach cockroach farmer makes big bucks on cockroach milk see jesus all right let's get into it let's get into it. Let's get into it, man. We can fucking get some cockroaches to get this going. And they bang like motherfuckers, so there'd be like millions of them. This is an example of stupid smart. Cockroach milking. I don't know how to do it. Well, next podcast, we'll get you milking one.

Hopefully we'll have a cockroach firm up and going. Can't take long. How long? Is it nine months for them, too, to have their kids? No, man. No. No. No, Ricky.

I didn't know cockroaches were, like, people. Well, they're not, like, just kind. They're similar. They're similar, apparently. Is this not working? Do they have different colored eyes like people do? Like blue and green and black and brown? No, man.

Do they have little societies? Did you ever see a blue-eyed cockroach before, Ricky? Come on. Do they have little societies where they go to work and then party at night? Crows do. Oh, man. Crows do not. Yes, they do. Crows are smarter than people. Crows do. No, man. Crows do not. Yes, they do.

Crows are smarter than people. Crows are smart fucking birds. Cockroach. All right, enough with the fucking cockroaches. You wanted to talk about this. Is there something as crow milk? No.

Crow milk. We should start that. You can't just start milking We should specialize. This is the way of the future, boys. Do birds have tits? Do birds have tits? Do birds have tits?

There's a Google question for Alexa. No, because they fucking throw their shit out. Hey, Siri. Into it. Hey, Siri. Hey, Siri. Hey, Siri. Hey.

Do birds have tits? I don't have an opinion on that. Okay, give me that. Do, uh, how do you do it? Hey, Siri. Hey, Siri. Hey, do fucking... Go ahead.

Do fucking crows have breasts? There's no need for that. You don't need to swear. Don't swear at her. Just ask without the F word. Do crows have breasts? Hey, Siri. Hey, fuck.

Or sorry, I can't say that. Hey, do crows have breasts? You can adjust many of the vision settings. I don't want to see you. I just want to talk to you. Siri, hello. Hey, Siri. Come talk to me, baby.

Hey, Siri. Oh, for fuck's sake. Hey, Siri. Come talk to me, baby. Hey, Siri. Oh, for fuck's sake. Hey, Siri. She's ignoring us. These guys are fucked on drugs and liquor. It needs me, man. Do crows have breasts? Okay, I found this on the web for do crows have breasts.

Do birds have nipples? Now we're cooking with gas. Birds don't have nipples. They do not have nipples. I knew it because they throw their food up. They're not mammals? Well, fucking crotch rockets. What are they called?

Cockroaches. Crotch rockets. Oh, great. Hey, Suri. How do you milk a cockroach? Cockroaches are insects of the order? Fuck off. Stop. Stop. Hey, Suri. Suri? Who's that?

Suri. Suri. No, he's not. Fuck off. Just start over. Suri. P-E-I. Hey, Suri. Suri's sister. I think you wanted to talk about that, didn't you? Hey, Suri. Do cockroaches have nipples? Here's what I found on the web for call.

Cockroaches have nipples. Have a look. Or udders. Utters. Cockroaches don't have udders. Imagine a cockroach trying to drag its udder around. Cockroaches are fast. Are they?

Fucking right they are. Have you ever seen one run? How do they travel? They run. Do they fly? I don't believe so. Maybe. Oh, man.

No. They just nourish them from the inside. So we got to get the fucking milk out. You got to cut the fucking fingers open. So you got to kill it to get its milk no I think you can just cut them open and then glue them back together no it's like a starfish it just grows back together

it's gotta secrete it so maybe you gotta jiggle it or something I don't know you gotta jiggle it just rub it up and down its back no that's not what I was thinking just do this to it and then it eventually secretes. So is it cockroach milk or is it cockroach piss,

and they're just calling it milk to fuck you? They don't have nipples or udders, so they can't really, you can't milk them. So it's not milk, it's piss or shit. It's mess. It's cockroach juice. Or blood. It's all inside. You've got to get it out.

Yeah, cockroach milk. They secrete the shit, okay? They're fucking dumb it down a little and make it sound nice. Cockroach jizz. So what did this... Look at this, boys. Did you see the woman that started firing shit around at the Tim Hortons? Oh, yeah.

Didn't she take a shit right on the floor or something? Yes, sir. Wow, you're pissed off. We can probably roll the video. She's in Tim Hortons. She's wild. She's saying, let me use the bathroom. They're like, no fucking way.

So you know what she does? What? Pants down. No, she did. Shits on the floor, grabs it, and fucking whips at it, buddy. Whips it right at him. That's one thing to squat and do it. That's bad.

Is it because she was a non-paying customer? Is that what it was? Yeah. I believe so. They're like, look, you gotta buy a coffee to use to shit her. She's like, oh, is that right? How about I do this? How about I shit in your floor and fire it at your head?

And then what did they do to her? I did that on the way to see Elvis. I tried to stop and get into shit at a place, and they're like, no, you're not coming in to shit. Yeah, and you shit yourself, though, Ricky. Yeah, I was a little more respectful, I guess. I didn't fling it at them either. No, you shit yourself though, Ricky. Yeah, I was a little more respectful, I guess. I didn't fling it at them either.

No, you just shit your pants on purpose. Shit flingers, man. Yeah, and then, you know what she did? She grabbed some napkins,

wiped her ass, and then whipped that at him too. Ugh. A couple times. I get the shit on the floor. She's going to jail. She's pissed off.

Is she in jail? She's got a shit pad. She knows she's gonna shit her pants. She doesn't want to shit her nice pants, so she said shit's on the floor, but she didn't need to fucking start flinging it around. Surveillance video shows. And you can't throw shitty napkins at people, man. That's a pretty fucking good charge right there.

That's some kind of assault, right? Assault with deadly shit. It must have been pretty solid if she's flinging it around. So it wasn't like a messy swamp bomb, we don't need to think about... Swamp Bob. She was detained and released. What? But she has to attend court at a later date. What are the charges?

Throwing shit. Is that a fucking... That's a law. You cannot throw shit at people. That's a good fucking law, dude. That's a very good law. Yeah, I like that law. The founding fathers wrote that in the Declaration of Independence.

Thou shalt not flingeth thy shit at thy neighbor. Out of Tim Hortons. Wow. Thou shalt not fling shit in Tim Hortons. There's a lot of women in Tim Hortons. There's a lot of women in the news this week. This is quite a headline. What is it?

Woman grows roots out of her vagina because she used a potato as contraception. No, she didn't. This is Ricky. Oh, my God. Look, there's a picture of the potato after it was removed. No, it isn't. Sweet mother of Jesus. How long was it up there?

She's a sexually active, I believe she's Colombian. Yeah, sexually active Colombian woman. Her mom, she said, you know, what do you use for protection? Her mom said, ram a potato up there. Was she joking around, though Her mom, she said, you know, what do you use for protection? Her mom said, she rammed a potato up there. Was she joking around though? No, she said it works great. Whether or not it does, I don't know. I've never used a potato.

Might try it though. So she put a potato in her parts. Yeah, you're supposed to keep potatoes in a cool, dry place. So because it was moist and really warm, it started to grow. So she had some fucking pain. She had to go get medical attention. The nurses found roots growing right out of it.

Oh, my Jesus. I'm going to throw up my mouth. I guess she's okay. I'm going to have an MTU. They're calling her Miss Potato Crotch. MTU's happening right now. Gross, man. Mini throw-up happening.

I bet she could sell that potato to some creepy people. See, only you would think of that. Why are you going to put it on eBay? Weird people do weird things. A vag-tato? I don't know. I bet there's some fucking weird fuck out there. Who does that? Do a lot of people do weird things. A vegetato? I don't know. I bet there's some fucking weird fuck out there. Who does that?

Do a lot of people do that? Put potatoes in their vaginas? I never heard it before. You've got to figure that one out. I don't believe so. Didn't Donnie have a potato in his ass one time and he had to get it removed at the hospital? Yeah, but that was just he passed out at a party. Did it start sprouting roots?

Somebody put one in there. Can you imagine? You go to wipe your ass and there's roots coming out of it. You'd be like, what in the fuck? Here, speaking of vaginas, you want to hear a funny one? You know Dr. Dre? Yeah. Yes.

He got in a name battle with a gynecologist whose name was Dr. Dre. What do you mean a name battle? Well, the gynecologist. Like a was Dr. Dre. What do you mean a name battle? Well, the gynecologist... Like a wrap-off? No, Ricky. The gynecologist, Dr. Dre, was starting to lose patience. What are them again? A bird doctor.

A lady bird doctor. Okay. Works on ladies... Like a vet? Not a vet, no, Ricky. He just specializes in lady parts down there. That's all he works on. And he was losing patients because people were saying, you got something wrong with

your vagina, we're going to send you to Dr. Dre. And everybody's like, fuck that, I'm not going to Dr. Dre for him to look at my vagina. Oh, I get it. You know, because they thought they were sending him to the rapper. To unleash a... What? Sexual something on them? What do you mean?

Well, just, you know, that's a particular area. You don't really just want a strange rapper working on. Maybe he'd fix up, who knows? Well, I mean, I think you want a strange rapper working on. Maybe you can fix up, who knows? Well, I mean, I think you want to go to a, you know. Well, Dr. Dre, the rapper is a doctor too, though. You can't call yourself a doctor unless you are, so maybe he could fix it up. He's not a doctor, Ricky.

Why do you think his fucking name is Dr. Dre? He's a doctor of beats. You know, he went to fucking school, became a doctor, and then started rapping on this side time. And he made it big. Dr. Dre is not a doctor. I'd let him work on me. Okay.

I think it was just one of those. Would you let him do a prostate exam on you? Depends how big his hands are, I guess. Well, he might let Dr. Dre do a prostate exam on him. You have to have those things done to be healthy. So you'd let Dr. Dre ram his finger up your arse? Rick, come on. No different than any other doctor doing it. Except he's famous or...

Fuck. So, okay. I'm going to see if we can get a hold of Dr. Dre and see if he'll agree to do this for Ricky. Which Dr. Dre is it, though? The rapper. I'm going to see if he will check your prostate on our podcast.

Oh, I thought you meant the other, like, well, they're both doctors. Okay, whatever. If you can get one of them, it'll be weird, but. Can he check it on our podcast. Oh, I thought you meant the other, like, well, they're both doctors. Okay, whatever. If you can get one of them, it'll be weird, but... Can he check it on our podcast? I'd like to be covered up. Fuck.

Okay, we're putting out an open call to either Dr. Dre, the gynecologist, or the rapper. You have an open invitation to come on the podcast and check Ricky's prostate. I think it's a good message to send out there. Don't be afraid to get the prostate checked, because you could die. By Dr. Dre.

Either one of them. One of them might be more expensive than the other. I found out that potato was up this grill for two weeks. That's why the roots were that long. So you know. Murphy. It's weird that a potato grows faster in a vagina

than it does in the earth. Yeah, that is weird, man. Might need some research into that. Play-Doh trademarks its signature smell. What in the fuck is that all about?

Play-Doh has smell. You know what Play-Doh smells like. Why the fuck would they want to trademark it? It's not a great smell. You know what Play-Doh smells like. Why the fuck would they want a trademark? It's not a great smell. You don't smell that and fucking want to eat it. No, but you smell it and you want to fucking play with it. I don't. I don't like the smell of it.

Of Play-Doh. I hate it. I think it smells wonderful. That's why I stopped playing with it. Stopped playing with what? Play-Doh. What? I got back into it when Mo was born. But I'm done with it. Stop playing with what? Play-Doh. What? I got back into it when Mo was born.

But I'm done with it. Really? Hey, do you want to take some questions from the tickle trunk? Let's do it, man. What is the tickle trunk again? It's this email we have. Oh, yeah. Coryrandytreverson at Gmail.

Coryrandytreverson at Gmail. Send us your questions, and we answer some right here. Julian, you know what's coming in? What? There's like one, two, three, four people that want to order the Julianator. What's the Julianator? Wasn't it a muscle suit with a wiener on it? Oh, fuck.

Full-size Julian sex doll. This guy here, Ryan Cox. His name is, C-O-X. I'd love to order a beautiful Julianator to finish my life-size Julian doll. I'll pay 200 bucks. 200 bucks. A life-size Julian doll. I'd like to see a fucking picture of that.

200 bucks for his Julianator. Here's another one. Bob's, I'd like to know how much it costs to get myself a Julianator.

I'm in an unfortunate situation where my micro-wang isn't doing the job for me. So I think the four inches of solid steel

could get the job done for her. Please let me know what the cost is. Are there any pictures I could see, either of the product or the actual thing? Actual thing preferred. I'm not saying I will jack my Johnson to the pictures,

but I'm not saying I won't either. Wow. The product's in its early testing phase right now. It will be available. Soon. Hopefully by the end of the summer. Soon. There's another one here.

Look. soon. Hopefully by the end of the summer. Soon. There's another one here. Look. Bring out and shout about a new range of Julianator-shaped anatomically correct erotic food stuffs. Everything in the store made out of Julian's cock.

The cheese, the potatoes, the apples, the pork pies, the bread rolls, the coleslaw, the hummus, all of the foods of the rainbow in the shape of Julian's cock. What the fuck is wrong with you people? How about a sausage?

Well, I think hummus is interesting. There's another one here. Yeah, this guy. My name is Thomas, and I am very interested in purchasing a six-pack of Julianators. A six-pack? But I thought of a much better name. The Mr. Manly Muscle. Four inches of pure muscle, anatomically correct.

Modeled after gay porn star Julian Swayze and his magnificent manly meat muscle. Satisfaction guaranteed for males of all ages. Who's that guy? Go fuck yourself. I struck a nerve here, boys. All right, man.

There's a lot of sexually deprived people out there, I guess. Thomas Volpe. All right, is that it? Anything else? There's got to be something else other than the Julianator question. Any requests from people? There's another Julianator one. Anybody want to shout out?

Oh, yeah, look at this. This guy here, Aaron Prabu. He says, hey, boys, me and my buddy Thomas love your show. As you may have heard, we had a school shooting here in Santa Fe, very close to where we live. We would both greatly appreciate you guys telling us that you're with us and you all love us. It would mean the world to us.

That's from Aaron Prabble. He was down where they had the shooting. The last shooting. Fuck. Santa Fe. So, yes, there you go, fellas. All right, so what do we have to say? We're with them.

We're with you guys. Of course, we're with you. And we love you. And to people that do school shootings, would you go fuck yourselves? Jesus, Murphy, enough with that shit. Yeah, I don't get it. Stop going into schools and fucking shooting people. What's wrong with your goddamn brains?

Shooting innocent fucking kids and teachers. It's enough. They got to do something about it. Too many of those fucking things every fucking day. Oh, look what happened. I think they should just, all kids should carry guns.

Ricky, that's a fucking terrible idea. Terrible idea. Not a good idea. Boy, you'd be a little less fucking ready to go in there. No, Ricky,

you sound like you know, you sound like you know fucking who right now. Who? Tronald Dump. you sound like you know fucking who right now. Who? Tronald Thump. Sound like him. They don't need more fucking guns. Well, you're not going to get rid of their guns.

Well. They just got to make sure they keep these fuckers out of the schools. That's the problem. They got to stop people from shooting people at school. That's right. They got to figure that one out. Or anywhere, man. Or anywhere, but I mean, schools are extra bad.

Fucking cowards. Because you're usually talking about kids. Is that it? Are we done? Well, I'll keep going all fucking day if you want. I got my liquor. Got my beers. Got my liquor.

I got a lot of cockroach research to do here, boys. I got a lot of take roach out of that sentence, and I believe you got an accurate statement. I got a lot of cock research to do here, boys. I'm gonna love to take Roach out of that sentence, and I believe you got an accurate statement. I got a lot of cock research to do. Alright. Done? I don't know, are we? We're done. Oh, man, I didn't get

colored today. You can color next week. Fuck. You didn't get colored. Sad day. Fuck you, June 1st. Except for everybody born today. Yeah, okay. All right. All right, well, tune in next week.

Maybe we'll get Paul Coffey on the line. Next week. Let's do it, man. Yeah, find his current number. If he didn't ban me. Well, he obviously changed his number because of you. Stop calling him for a bit. He didn't change his number because of me.

I'm going to call him tonight. see if he can talk to Wayne. Happy birthday, Coffee, and everybody else. We're going to get drunk for you guys. Cheers, Matlock.