Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 147 - 25 Hour Day

Episode Date: June 7, 2018

It's the Stanley Cup edition of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast! Forget the Julianator, the Boys brainstorm some new greasy Julian-flavoured merch, and Ricky also has reason to believe that there will be 25 hours in the day SOON. Plus: why are peacocks f**king dumb?! Episode 147 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Well, what? Get it going. Welcome, people, to the special edition Get going! podcast. All right, what's up, fuck. Welcome, people, to the special edition.

Get going. Podcast. All right, what's up, fuckers? It's the official podcast of the Trailer Prep Boys Foundation of all people. Yeah, I really fucked that one up. But this is a good one. This is the Stanley Cup podcast. We normally do it on a Friday, but we're going to be probably so fucked up tomorrow if the cup gets worn tonight that we're going to do it on Thursday today instead.

This had to be this. June 7th. I'm pissed off. Bubz. Well, what? I wanted to have a nice, crisp shirt today, and I went to get my iron to iron it, and it was covered in ash. Why would my iron be covered in ash grease, Ricky? That was from

the hockey game on Monday night. Well, now I've got a wrinkled fucking shirt. When you can't find a blowtorch and knives, you improvise, right? And iron worked pretty good. We just heated it up, put it on there, and just...

It comes off, though. You just got to heat it up or extra hard. Or just don't use it, and then I can just use it for what it's made for, ironing my shirts. Yeah, let's just watch a hockey game straight. That'll be fun. Well, there's other ways you could have figured out. There is, but I fucking was craving some blades. Anyhoo.

It's just a few wrinkles. I'll buy you a fucking new iron. Jesus Christ. It's very wrinkled. I like to be few wrinkles. I'll buy you a fucking new iron. Jesus Christ. It's very wrinkled. I don't, I like to be presentable. I'll build you a new iron. Or I'll put a piece

of metal over the bottom and make it brand new. All right then. So the cup will be in the billet tonight. It's tough to say who's going to fucking Vegas can pull it off.

Don't know, man. For some more hockey, which I'm not opposed to. But the next time we do a podcast, the cup will be won. That's right. I didn't mention this to you guys, but we are invited to the game. You shut your fucking mouth. What the fuck are you talking about? Invited to the game on a private jet.

Why are we sitting here? Because I was pissed off about my shirt, so I didn't tell you. Oh, Bub, so you've got a few wrinkles, fuck, are you kidding me, man? I'll fucking make that shirt crisp. You could get me that fucking game, man, that'd be crazy. On a private jet. We've been invited. How the fuck did you make this happen?

You don't worry about it. Well, I'm in. Let's go.'s go no we can't we're doing the thing we can go afterwards it's tough to who are you going for you got a team well i think it would be neat if las vegas won a little cinderella story i think it would be neat and then on the other hand it'd be kind of neat to see Ovi. Yeah. Hope he's been standing on his cock. The boys have been pumped up every game, fucking giving it. Yeah, I don't know. It's a tough one.

Ovi, you know him well, do you? Ovi, one can Ovi. How big are you guys right now? Very. Way too much. I don't even want to be here right now. Did you say at the start it was something about the People's Republic? I don't have a fucking clue. Foundation. People too much. I don't even want to be here right now. What did you say at the start? Was it something about the People's Republic? I don't have a fucking clue.

Foundation. People's Foundation. People's Foundation. What was that all about? I don't know, man. It just became a board bee. It was one, you know, you smoke it, and then five minutes later, boom. Okay, there's an email came in to the Corey Jacob Traverson Gmail that I just want to show everybody.

It says, hey, boys, another option instead of the Hunk-U-Lees bodysuit would be a Julian Wet n' Wild floating pool hunk. I imagine a future version would have a drink holder, but this is a start. If Julian can give the okay, I'm sure we can get this into production. You can now be the envy of all the ladies and men at the pool. And look at this thing. Oh, I like it a lot.

Look at it. That would be even better, though. Oh, man. If you had, like, you know those lounge chairs? Look at the Julian floating pool hunk. That's fucked. I want one. You know those floating lounge chairs? No, man. If you had one of those in the shape of Julian and it had arms and you could lay on it

and put his arm around you, just lay in the pool. And you would use that, would you? No, but I bet some people would. And would it have inflatable you know? You'd have to, no, because then it's not kid-friendly. You're not going to have an inflatable wang. I wasn't talking about a wang.

What were you talking about? That's a whole separate venture. I was talking about a drink holder. No bullshit. You were talking about wangs. All right, you know what? Do it. Let's make some money.

That's a good place for the drink holder. Send me the paperwork. And then it sort of looks like a wang. Especially if you're drinking beer. Why would you want a wang, an inflatable wang on your fucking arm? Or an inflatable Julianang on your fucking arm? An inflatable Julian? So listen to this. This guy, John Nugent.

Yeah. He says, I live in Seoul. That's South Korea. I live in Seoul. I listen to the podcast every week while I shuffle papers around

pretending to be busy so my cunt of a boss doesn't get in my shit. And I notice you dicks mention Korea almost every week. Why don't you asshats come and visit? I'll even volunteer to show you bastards all the places to get fucking wasted. Since Korea has no open container or public piss laws, it's pretty much heaven for you fuckers.

You wouldn't believe how hard the party is here and the bullshit I see every day. I'm fucking, I'd like to go over there. Let's do it. Let's go to Salt Lake. You can drink anywhere you want. Anywhere you want and you piss anywhere you want. I should have been born there. Yeah.

Julian should have for sure. I'd still want to piss in a toilet or a urinal or something. You love to hang the way. Ricky, I'd piss wherever you want. Okay, I do sometimes. I'm drunk. Julian, I've seen you piss pretty much everywhere. Well, yeah, so have you.

Office buildings. Let's talk about the little pose. You pissed at FedEx one day under the counter while you were filling up your thing. What about you do this, man? You get like the, you know, the hands on the fucking hips. Yeah, you do. You get, well, yeah. You just let her go.

I like to shake the hips a little. A little piss dance. Well, I just, that's, I like to keep, you know. I think you probably actually piss more outside than you do in a toilet, don't you? For real. No, I don't. I have a toilet. I'd say it's 75% outside.

At least I didn't piss at FedEx while I was filling out documents talking to the lady. I went through a phase. You were filling out a thing talking to the lady and you were pissing on the counter. I went through a phase where I'd just go to a urinal, public washroom, and take the track pants right down to the ankles. Yeah, man. Some people didn't like it. No, a lot of people don't like that shit, man.

I don't like it when you do that. Why do you pull your pants and underwear to your ankles when you're at a urinal? It's just such a sense of freedom and everything just gets aired out. And you used to poop and not close the door and you wouldn't let anybody close it. Because I don't understand why people have to hide. It's just a normal thing you do every day. It's called privacy, man.

Some people need it, some people don't. I don't. Some people don't want to see you having a poop, Ricky. It's like you go to some of those racetracks and they got a trough, and you're facing other people pissing. Hey, do you like that? I don't like it, but it's a good way to compare. See if you're normal. See if you're normal.

See if you're normal, man. Ricky. Or better than normal. So when we're at the racetrack pissing in the trough, you're looking at all the wieners? Everybody's checking out wieners. Some people try to hide it a little more, but everybody's looking.

Unbelievable, man. It's a natural thing. Yeah, if you're something. Okay, you know, I'm always coming up with some you know, some ideas that we can make some money, whatever. Good. Wait, I got one more thing just before. For six bucks. Well, these are important

because people take the time to write them. It's important. Go for it. This is from Richard McNeil. He says, hey boys, just wondering if when Julian watches Dirty Dance and if he covers himself in baby oil and or body glitter. Who said that? That's quite an image. That's Richard McNeil.

Richard, go fuck yourself. Why would I do that? No, I don't do shit like that. You should try it. Maybe it would be fun. You might enjoy it. Why don't you try it? Take some would be fun. You might enjoy it. Why don't you try it? Take some pictures of yourself.

You should ask him. What did we smoke, man? Oh, just wait. What is this one? The subject header is Big Beautiful Julian's Eyes Only. Ooh. Stop. Pick another one.

Dear Julian, hey, it's Keith from the bar in Calgary. We met after one of your shows in April. I saw you eyeing me from across the bar. Bull fucking shit. And when I walked by, you grabbed my muscled biceps. I know when we locked eyes, there was something there. I think I remember that whole fucking shit. Are you serious?

This is what he's saying. What the fuck is Keith? I tried to talk to you when you grabbed my arm, but you just put your finger over my lips and said, Shh, Patrick. Which confused me as Patrick is not my name. You gave me a passionate kiss and then you were gone. Julian.

The guy's fucking full of shit. I think I do remember something like that. What the fuck is going on here? No, you don't remember anything. You just remember what he just brought up. When I got home that night, I realized you were referring to the fact that I resemble Patrick Swayze. Anyways, I would love to talk again and maybe get together. Email me back.

Sincerely, Keith. The guy is out of his fucking mind. He was probably at a Halloween party, and it was a guy that looked a little bit like Julian. Well, it's weird, because it's from Jordan Frazier, but it's signed Keith. There you go. That does seem a bit fishy.

That guy's just fucking around. I do remember you squeezing men's muscles. No, Julian doesn't kiss fellas. I don't remember you kissing anybody, but you have been known to squeeze the odd muscle. No, man. Check the firmness and the size. No, I don't care you kissing anybody, but you have been known to squeeze the odd muscle. No, man. Check the firmness and the size. No, I don't care about that shit.

Fuck. All right, that was a buzz kill. So it's June 7th. Cup could be won tonight. We already talked about this, I believe. But it's June 7th, so we're going to talk about guys and girls and people that got born today. Why won't this pig just sit on top of this and look like it's fucking... Because pigs aren't made to fucking...

They're not mounting armadillos, man. They don't do that. There we go. Do a little side action down on the ground. Tom Jones was born today. Yes, he was. Yeah. Didn't know that he was Welsh.

Yes, he's from Wales. Yeah. Tom Jones.'t set the same thing You're Welsh. You're from Wales. Yes, maybe a whale Ian You're Welsh, I don't know that's a good question He's a whale Ian. He's away. Are your favorite songs? What's new pussycat? Well, obviously you like that one first song comes your head six sing the first fucking few words. Let's go. What are your favorite songs? What's New Pussycat? Well, obviously. You like that one. First song comes to your head.

Sing the first fucking few words. Let's go. What's new pussycat? Oh, oh, oh. Another song. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. Oh, that's a good one. Another one, another one.

Quick, quick, quick, quick. That one puts me in a good mood. The green, green grass of home. There's one that you fucking sing a lot in karaoke that you haven't eaten. I thought you were gonna hit that one, man. What? No, man, that's Neil Diamond.

That's Neil Diamond. Oh, that's Neil Diamond. Dick, will you? You're talking about sweet Caroline. Suck my cock. You changed up the words a little bit, though. Sometimes that's what we sing when we're there. Good times never seem so good.

Okay. Gary Graham. Who's that now? I don't remember him. He's on Star Trek, I guess. Oh, yeah. Liam fucking Neeson. Liam Neeson. That's a badass. You know what? I met fucking Neeson. Liam Neeson.

That's a badass. You know what? I met Liam Neeson one time. Drunk in a bar. So did I. Well, it was probably the same night, I'm guessing. So he says he's Irish-American. He was born in Ballymena? County?

Yeah, in County Antrim. Is that American or is that Irish? That's Irish, Ricky. So he's Irish. He's Irish, man. He was born in Ireland. Irish-American. I was at a bar one time.

I saddle up to the bar and I order my drink. Yep. Who's standing right beside me? Liam fucking Neeson. Bullshit. Me too, yep. You weren't there. I was there.

He was tall, wasn't he? No, I've got a better story than you. Keep going, man. No, you don't. I've got a better story than both of you. Keep going. So he's paying for his drink. Yep.

Whoopsie, he drops $100. That's my fucking story. That happened to me. You're stealing my story, Bob. Are you out of your mind? He dropped $100, and before that, he was getting a drink, and I was waiting behind him. He turned around and kind of elbowed me, and I kind of looked at him,

and he looked at me and gave me those crazy fucking taken kind of eyes, and then he just kind of pushed his way through. And what happened with the $100 bill? I picked it up and said, fuck you, Leon. Took it. No, here's what actually happened. I love that way through. And what happened with the $100 bill? I picked it up and said, fuck you, Leon. Took it. No, here's what actually happened. I love that you guys have different memories. It may have happened to you as well, but that was my story.

So both of you guys were at a bar. Leon Neeson's there. He drops $100 for both of you. Is that what you guys are telling me right now? Different time. You guys are so full of shit. One in Halifax, man. Which one?

I don't fucking know. Which bar were you at? So full of shit. One in Halifax, man. Which one? I don't fucking know. Which bar were you at? You can't remember. You can remember the fucking story, but I don't know what bar I was in. That's the story, man. What's your side of the story, sir? He dropped a $100 bill. Okay, that part is consistent.

I put my foot on it. Okay. And I was like, holy fuck, he dropped a $100 bill. And then I thought, you know what? Fuck it. And I picked it up and I said, excuse me, sir. You dropped that. And Liam Neeson went, you know what? Fuck it. And I picked it up and I said, excuse me, sir. You dropped that. And Liam Neeson went, you know what, mate?

You keep it for being honest. And he gave me 100 bucks. Okay, you were fucking awesome. Because he was being a dick. Obviously, he had a fucking wad of 100s in his pocket. That's a great story. That makes me like him. Obviously, he was just sprinkling hundreds around the bar trying to pick up fellas.

Because he got both of us. But he wasn't doing that. He was just drunk. You went home with him? No. But that happened. I gave it back to him and he said, Hey, you know what? That was honest of you. You keep it. And then? Do it in his voice. Can you do his voice?

No, I can't. Bubz, what happened after that? I just partied. With him? Maybe. Okay, what else happened? There's got to be another. No, I didn't get to party with him.

You just don't get a hundred bucks from someone American. Holy fuck. Prince. The Prince of Somewhere was born today. Prince. What? No, man, that's the fucking... That's Prince. Rogers Nelson. The prince of somewhere was born today Prince What No man that's the fucking That's prince

Rogers Nelson Purple rain Rogers Nelson is that his name Yeah And prince is short for that That's a weird one No it's just a handle Rogers

It's just a stage name Rogers Nelson You should have kept that name. I like it. Rogers. What a weird first name. Rogers. Why would it have an S at the end?

Yeah. Why not Rogers? Rogers Nelson. Although it is easy to fuck up a birth certificate. Jake approved that. So his name was probably. Maybe this is a typo. It's supposed to be Nelson Rogers, I think.

Let me look. Maybe it was Roger typo. Maybe it was Roger. It's supposed to be Nelson Rogers, I think. Let me look. Maybe it was Roger Nelson. I think it was Rogers Nelson. Or it could be Nelson Rogers. That's my guess. But it wouldn't. He wouldn't have been as famous if that was his stage name. Purple Rain.

No, that's it. Rogers Nelson. Rogers. It's Rogers. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Is there anything about this fucking name in this ass? Parents fucked up. Wikipedia.

Don't feel bad, parents. It gets admin'd. No, man. Let's go crazy. Let's get down. Prince was good. Prince was fucking amazing. Sucks that we lost him.

One of the best. He does suck. He was from, look where he's from, Ricky. Oh, yeah, Minneapolis. Minneapolis, yeah. Minnesota. We were in his club. You don't even remember, but we were in the club.

The Purple Rain Club. I like that city. Me too. Went to a football game there. It was fucking awesome. Got fucking hammered and ate hot dogs. Just reading up on Prince. Come back to us.

His father, yeah, he was given his father's stage name. It was Prince. He was born in 1958, so he would have been how old today? It is an eight year, so that's easy. Oh, yeah. today? It is an eight year, so that's easy. Oh, yeah.

58, 68, 78, 88, 98, 08, 18, 60. Prince would have been 60. He looked great for 60. He did look great, but... 58, I guess. 58, whatever.

Mike Pence. Who's that? Mike Pence, the Vice President of America. Oh, fuck yeah. Who's that? Mike Pence. The Vice President of America. Oh, fuck yeah. The white-haired fella. Yeah, I know him. Yeah.

He was born today. Well, not today, but back in the day. Yeah. Who? Mike Pence. Okay. The white-haired guy. I'm sure you'd like to have a fucking few minutes to talk about this. Well, you know.

Seems like a nice fellow. Oh, yeah. Yeah, very nice fellow. Really likes all the different types of people in the world. Bob's. That's good. I'm just saying. Why don't you settle the fuck down?

I'm just saying. This is what this is about. Doesn't say how old he is. I guess they're not allowed to put that. 1959 he was born, Ricky. Where does it say that? Oh, yeah, it does. So he was...

He was a year younger than Prince. So he'd be 59. Yeah. He's only 59? Holy fuck, he looks like he's about 100. He must be dyeing his hair white. Yeah, that's a popular color to dye your hair, Ricky. No, a lot of polycatechists do that.

Make them look older and wiser. Really? Like they know more shit. Bear Grylls. Yeah, he's a fucking badass. He was born in 74. I thought he was a bit older than that. I did too.

He taught me how to get out of quicksand. What? That's one of my fucking fears. You walk along, you get swallowed up by fucking quicksand. My dad used to tell me stories about it. I've fucking been terrified since I was like fucking four. What the fuck would Ray know about quicksand? He said he was in it once and almost died. Ray was never in quicksand.

He said, boy, you need to learn how to get out of that shit because it's scary. Ray was never in quicksand. Or maybe it boy, you need to learn how to get out of that shit, because it's scary. Ray was never in quicksand. Or maybe it was his uncle. He fell in a swamp once. Or in a gutter somewhere, in mud. He was in a swamp. He used to build a quicksand pit in our backyard to try to teach me, but it never, it was always too thin. It was easy to get out of.

But if you get in quicksand, you know how to get out of it? You don't panic. You try to lift one leg at a time, really slowly. Once you get your legs up and you're kind of laying on the sand, you just do a little soldier fucking thing right out of it. So you don't panic. No. If you panic, you will die.

And what will kill you is probably the sun, is what Bear says. You know what? I'd love to see Ricky on Bear Grylls the show. Wouldn't that be awesome? It would be. You know what? The only crazy part about his show is the shit he has to eat. Like grabbing an octopus and just taking a great big chunker out of it.

Wow. Live. Yeah, he's had to do some things. Some pretty rancid shit, man. He had to eat donkey cocks. He's eating like cow shit or something as well. Made a little soup out of it. Cow shit soup.

Some soup. I don't think that would be very nutritious. Alan fucking Iverson. Seeds. No, it was a bird. It had a bunch of seeds and shit in it. Yeah, June 7th. I don't think you would just eat cow shit.

I don't know what he did. I mean, if you're trying to survive, cow shit soup's probably not on the menu. No, but there is still quite a bit of grass in their shit. Yeah, the grass would be good for you. Why don't you just eat grass? The grass is the shit's land. June 7th's got a lot of born people,

like Allen Iverson, badass. You liked him, did you? He was good, man. He was good. Tall. Busted his cock off every game. Tall and lanky. Bill Hader.

Yeah. Who's that? He was born in 1978. Lucky bastard. Huh. You know Bill Hader, the comedian. Hilarious. I'm not good with fucking names, man.

He's hilarious. He is funny. He was on Saturday Night Live. Bill Hader. Anna Kournikova. God damn it. He was on Saturday Night Live. Phil Hader. Anna Kournikova. God damn it. She was born in 1981. So she's how old?

37. Ricky. Is that right? Is that right? I don't know. 37, 81. I've got to think about this. 81, 91, 2001, 2011. Yeah, 37. 81. I've got to think about this. 81, 91, 2001, 2011.

Yeah, 37. 37. Good going, man. How did you do that? I'm learning math, boys. You guessed. You were. I obviously guessed that.

Michael Cera, Canadian actor. You know him, Ricky. I thought it was Cera. Is it? I don't know. Brampton? Michael Cera. Yeah, he's a good little guy. Yeah. You know him, Ricky. I thought it was Sarah. Is it? I don't know. Brampton? Michael Sarah. Yeah.

Michael Sarah? He's a good little guy. Yeah? He was in that movie with... I don't know who the fuck this is. I'm going to have to look him up. What's that on? Michael Sarah!

He was in that Ellen Page movie. Oh, that dude. Hey, I got you knocked. I know that dude. What was it? Got you knocked. Hey, I got you knocked. Yeah, that was it. I forget what it What was it? Got you knocked. Hey, I got you knocked. Yeah, that was it.

I forget what it was called, but it was good. Or no, it was Sophie. Or not Sophie. It was a fucking name. Fuck. God damn it. What was the name of that movie? Bob's Help Me Out Here.

Where? What? Where? You said Help Me Out Here. Oh, where? Where? Where? What happened help me out here. Oh, where? Where? Where? What happened? No, the movie!

What was the fucking name of it? Knocked Up? No! I don't, is that it? Superbad? No! Fuck! I've been in a fucking thousand movies, man. End of the world.

Negative. What movie are you talking about? Superflaw, no, fuck, it was, uh... Juno! Yes! Fuck! Thank you Superfly. No, fuck. It was... Juno. Yes, fuck. Thank you. Jesus, Murphy, Ricky. All right, I can go to sleep now. Happy. Oh, you wouldn't have been able to sleep?

No, it would have drove me fucking nuts. Okay. I was thinking Hugo. It wasn't Hugo. Hugo. Also, Emily Ratajkowski. American model and actress, born in London, England. Who's she now? I don't know. I know there was a Ratatouille movie.

It's not Emily Ratatouille. She's a pretty girl. Look at that. Oh, yeah, I know. Oh, I know her. She's been in movies. Different things. All right, so we got that out of the way.

That's great. Happy birthday, everybody. Go fuck yourselves. Okay, Ricky, there that out of the way. That's great. Happy birthday everybody. Go fuck yourselves. Okay, Ricky, there's something here I want to show you. What is it? These things are from New Guinea. Look. What?

The tribesmen in New Guinea wear those. That's the only clothes they wear. Penis sheath. A penis sheath? I think you should get one. I'd like to have one of those. That's the only clothes they wear. Penis sheath. A penis sheath? I think you should get one. I'd like to have one of those. Then you're not fucking... Look at that. Penis sheath. You're technically not exposing yourself if you're wearing just that.

That's right. You're not going to walk around with a fucking... No, but listen to this. Listen to this. There's something they say about them that I think you're going to find interesting. Penis sheaths. Where is it? They're called kotekas.

Koteka are worn in the Dania tribe, and just like a person might have a number of hats, pants, shoes, or shorts, a man in New Guinea may have a vast wardrobe of penis sheaths to choose from. That's a good idea. So he's got them hanging in his closet. It's such a simple thing, though. It's all you've got to wear. I wonder what my penis would look good in today.

I think I'm going to go with the orange paisley. It's like a Barbie and Ken kind of doll. Little different little things you put on it. They should make dolls like that. That's fucked up. Some tribesmen even use empty spaces in their penis sheaths to store money or tobacco. Empty spaces? Yeah.

So how would they get the money out? You get one a little too big, you know. Or they're shorties. Yeah, you get one a little too big for you and you keep your money and your tobacco in the tip of her. I like that. And then you're smoking wiener tobacco. So you don't have the store to buy something.

You got to take the sheath off, just dangle loads of coins, and throw the thing back on. That's pretty fucked. That's quite a thing. I just thought you might want to own one, Ricky. I'd fucking rock a penis sheath, maybe just in my own house, but...

Are they making money on those fucking things? Well, you could use a tube sock. Bet you they're making a shit ton of money on those things. You could use a tube sock like the red hot chili peppers.

Yeah. It's been done though. That goes on your whole package though. This is just for the peen. So I got some good news, boys. It's gonna be 25 hour days at some point. What? Yeah, the moon's spin. It's gonna make 24 hour days soon. It's fucking up the Earth and slowing it down. We used to only have like 18-hour days, but then over the time, the moon's kind of moving away.

It's fucking up the Earth, those spinners, and it's making the days longer. So we'll be able to party for 25 fucking hours soon, boys. Not 24. Where did you get this information, Ricky? Off those things. Off the laptop. One of those super machines. Is any of that true or what?

I didn't hear that, but it sounds interesting. I don't know whether to call it bullshit or not. I don't either. Let me just Google that. I'm hoping it happens next week. 25 hour days. Yeah, you Google it. On to your Google app. Soon?

I wouldn't, I don't know. It's probably... Earth will get longer, 25 hour days as the moon drifts from the Earth. Boom! Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, but when? I'm thinking it's probably in like 100,000 years or something. Dude, okay,

let's see. I think it said 200 days. What? 200 days? So this year... Oh, no, no, no, no. 200 million years. Who gives a fuck, Ricky? Yeah.

200 million years? Who gives a flying fuck? Well, that's not going to do us any good. No shit. So... What a rip-off. Who cares about your story, man? In 200 million years, that's going to happen, Ricky.

I thought you meant it was happening, like, next week. Fuck's sakes. That would be a rip-off. Who cares about your story, man? In 200 million years, that's going to happen, Ricky. I thought you meant it was happening like next week. Fuck's sakes. That would be a big news story. That's sucks. The day is lengthened by two milliseconds every 100 fucking years. That's it. Oh, that's fucking lame. Who cares?

Why would you even print that fucking story? Exactly. Fuck you, whoever wrote it. Yeah, that was bullshit, man. Teasing us. Fuck's sakes. Okay, Ricky. I guess we're back to 24-hour days, and I'll have to get used to that again. Yeah, you won't be man. Teasing us. Fuck sakes. Okay, Ricky. I guess we're back to 24-hour days and I'll have to get used to that again.

Yeah, you won't be partying for 24 hours. Fuck off. Ricky, why are you so upset? Because I was looking forward to an extra hour a day. Imagine what you could do with that. But, Ricky. There's never enough hours in a day. Oh, man.

Ricky, I think with just a little rescheduling, you could accommodate all the things you need to do. Get up an hour earlier. There you go. Try that way. There's your extra hour. Don't have to go to bed an hour earlier. That's not happening.

You hear about the southwest passenger that was masturbating the whole flight? Yeah, I heard something about that. He's pretty fucked. No. He's watching porn on a fucking iPad without headphones, and he's masturbating the whole flight. This woman was sitting beside him. She said she could clearly see his penis.

I mean, it would make the flight go a lot faster, I guess, but that's fucked. For him, maybe, not for her. Yeah, that's what I mean. And get this, he gives the Kleenex to the fucking stewardess or whatever. Oh, that guy, he's out of his fucking mind, obviously. He's just cranking off on the plane.

A couple times, not just once. He needs to get fucking beat down or something. Neutered. Jesus, Murphy, he can't be doing that. Yeah, if I had been sitting beside him, I'd be like, bud, we got a fucking problem here. We got a problem here, bud. Your wing is out.

I can see it. Fucking crazy volcano shit going on, man. Volcanoes are bad. They're scary things. I don't, like, we should have people fucking researching this shit and try to look at them and figure out how to predict this shit. Because people are getting dead. It's fucked.

But how many people are there? Where is this? Hawaii? Ricky, do you know that there's thousands of scientists that study volcanoes? No, there's not. There is, man. I know they have them for earthquakes and those big waves. And obviously those people don't know what the fuck they're doing because they still haven't predicted one.

There are scientists that devote their entire lives just to volcanoes. Well, what the fuck are they doing? How do we still not know? Well, they can't. People are dying here. I know. They need to hire better fucking scientists.

Well, Ricky, it's the Earth. You can't, all of a sudden it starts shooting lava. Yeah, there's got to be a way. That was made from fucking volcanoes. There's got to be a way. That was made from fucking volcanoes. There's got to be a lava detector somewhere. It's just going to happen, man. Rick, you know that Hawaii was made from volcanoes, right? I think everything.

It wasn't the whole earth? Maybe not. I don't know. No. No. I don't think so, man. No. Look, just picture the earth's got all this pressure inside it.

Yes. There's got to be holes where things pop out. So put a fucking pressure monitor in the middle of the Earth or something. Has anybody ever tried that? It's not that easy. See, they need to start thinking outside the box. They don't just go hang on a volcano and go, oh, yeah, no, nothing today. Oh, fuck, there's a little plume of smoke today.

Fucking better write that down. It's fucking bullshit. They need to come up with better tools, better computers, or something. I'm fucking sick of people getting killed for no reason. Yeah. And hurricane season's here. Maybe they'll name a storm after me. That would be badass.

Imagine Hurricane Ricky hits here. I'm fucking going for it, boys. I'm going for it. Ricky, if it came, it would be called Hurricane Richard anyway. If it comes, I'm flying to wherever it starts, and I'm going to follow it the whole fucking way until it dies. See, me and you, bud. Not a good idea, man.

Come on. Hurricane Richard. Lovely. We'll be looking out for that one for you, bud. Look at this, Ricky. The power went out in Lake Worth, Florida. Citizens received a message on their phones, one of those

warning alert things. Yes. This is what it said. Start time, 2018, 0520, 0141, so 141 in the morning. People are sleeping. Good timing. Projected repair time and they have that. Here was the warning. Power outage and zombie alert for residents of Lake Worth and Terminus.

Zombies? Zombie alert. What the fuck? It says there are now far less than 7,380 customers involved due to extreme zombie activity. Restoration time uncertain. Just so everybody knows, there's no such thing as fucking zombies. There might be. Restoration time uncertain. Just so everybody knows, there's no such thing as fucking zombies. There might be.

That's not Ricky. No, that's not going to happen. This was somebody at the control center there in the middle of the night, baked out of their mind. Let's send out a zombie warning. That is fucked. And there's a lot of people that believe in zombies.

That freaks me out a little bit. Because you'd be sitting there drunk or high going, fuck, maybe they are real. We don't know. We don't know about everything on this earth. Could be real. I wish you had got that warning. Two in the morning, baked.

Oh, you'd be freaking out. Or what if you were on mushrooms? Oh, fuck. I'd be making preparations. What would be the first thing you would do to prepare for the zombie apocalypse? Gather up all my guns. All my hockey sticks. What are guns going to do against zombies?

If you fucking put something right through their head, they're gone. That's it. I think, isn't it? That's what they say. But zombies do not exist. Depends on what zombie movie you're watching. What are some other ways to get rid of them? What was that movie where the zombies were right quick and they could scale walls by climbing on each other?

Oh, fuck. World War Z or something. Yeah. Those are not the zombies I want. Those are the fast ones. I want the lethargic zombies. Yeah, you just tease them. The tired ones. They come out and they just run a little way. Come on, bud. Yeah, that's the type of zombie I want. Not those fast cocksuckers that can scale walls.

So peacocks are dumb. Okay. What makes you say that, bud? There's some problems with them in Canada. I guess they're walking by cars and they're seeing their reflection and fucking freaking out, attacking the cars, thinking it's another bird. That's fucking dumb. Yep, pheasants, they do the same thing.

Ricky, you've done that. Yeah, you have all, yeah. You have. When the big, when the new mall went up and they had that whole mirror wall, remember we were walking by and you were walking by look at this fucking guy he's fucking staring at me it was a mirror and then i point out he's pointing at me i'm like he's just fucking doing everything i'm doing that's different oh my god it's a dumb animal.

I've never attacked a fucking car, have I? No, but you were shooting off at yourself in the mirror before. It's just as bad. I didn't know things like that fucking existed, okay? Okay, then. Now I know that. Okay, then. Are you pretty upset about the Missing the Maranicas getting rid of the swimsuit part of their competition?

I didn't even know they were. I don't even know what the point of the competition is. What is it now? I don't know. I've always thought pageants were fun. I have to agree. It's fucking stupid. Hey, look at me.

Ooh doodly doo. I'm hotter than you. Most of them sound like they're in fucking grade three. Not most of them. Okay, one or two of them. There's a few of them that have not sounded the best. It's just a weird fucking thing all around, isn't it? I think it's very weird.

It is very weird. Because you're just walking out there to be judged. I mean, I went in a pageant when I was a little fella. So they're saying now that you're not going to be judged on your looks. Isn't that the whole fucking point of it? Of a beauty pageant? I think it was. I think it's really, you know, what's the fucking point?

You know what it is now? It's a fucking America's Got Talent pageant. Look at me. I'm awesome. Not because of how I look, but this is what I can do. I'm just awesome. I'm not a, you know, I've got some work going. What's the difference between that and awesome? Jesus, I can't wait to watch that fucking show. What's the difference between that and America's Got Talent?

Fuck all. No Simon Cowell. But they're not performing like that. They're up fucking, you know, lots of talking and shit. I do this, I do that. I help these people. It doesn't matter what I look like, but this is what I do. So it's Miss Awesome, Patrick. It doesn't matter what I look like, but this is what I do. So it's a Miss Awesome pageant.

It doesn't matter what I look like, I just happen to be perfect. That's right. I am fucking awesome. I just happen to be 6'3". Well, they better fucking come good on it. There better be some people that, you know, don't fit the normal bill. Why don't you go in the male pageant, Ricky? It's not based on how you look. Maybe I have a shot.

I think you have a shot. Yeah. I haven't done anything great, though. There's nothing I can really brag about. Except growing. Growing dope. You're great at that, man. Growing great dope.

And now it's going to be legal soon. Pretty good at banging. I've heard you're quite good at banging. I don't know if you can talk about that at a pageant, though, can you? I mean, I've heard ladies screaming from in the trailer, so you can't be doing anything too wrong. I read a lot of books. Watched a lot of pornography, too. Good stuff.

Yeah. All right. You guys are fucked. I think we should fucking keep this pace going. We don't want to pass it before the game starts. Yeah, it's game time. You got to get ready, boys. Get ready for the game, boys.

It's going to be a lot of money made tonight. Or a cup one Saturday, maybe. Fuck. And I just got an email. You guys aren't invited to the game anymore, but I am. So I'm going to go get on the plane. I'm going to go get on the jet and go to the game. You go to the game without me?

It'd be a bad idea. You don't want fun? Go for it. I'm going to make some money tonight. You go off and have fun in your fancy jet. Oh, I forgot to mention a thing. With all your fucking friends. Man, we didn't talk about any of this shit. With the fucking dancing FBI agent.

That was fucked, if it was real. Oh, yeah? Did you see that guy? Yeah, I saw that. That was fucked, if it was real. Oh, yeah? Did you see that guy? Yeah, I saw that. That was pretty fucked. What a fucking idiot. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's an idiot. I mean, the video I saw, the fucking flash was fake.

I fire guns all the time. That was a fucking fake flash. But apparently it did happen. I know, but it's like something he would do. Don't do a backflip with a handgun in your waistband. Like, fuck, Ricky can't do backflips. And then if it does fall out, when you go to pick it up, pick it up without grabbing the trigger. Yeah, that'd be a smart idea.

That guy. He panicked. Yeah, I brought that. He panicked. That's what happened. It's for down. You know why? Down there?

Because most of those FBI guys, they don't fire guns. They would wear guns, and they're trained to fire a gun, but they don't fire them. Well, they do. We fire guns pretty much every second day or third day, so you don't panic. A gun falls out, you're like, fuck, sorry about that. Pick it up. He was like, true. There is some truth behind that.

Yes, maybe. Maybe he hasn't dropped his gun clumsily as many times as you have. That's true. I mean, I have had some situations where a gun fell and went off. Many. hasn't dropped his gun clumsily as many times as you have. That's true. I mean, I have had some situations where a gun fell and went off. Many. Accidental discharge. Too many. Yes.

You've had some accidental discharges. Not just with guns. Okay. On that, let's get the fuck out of here and get ready. Let's have a great game tonight. Have fun with all your buddies up in fucking Vegas, wherever the fuck you're going. Yeah, maybe.

We'll see. Your fancy jet. We'll get back to you on that. We'll get back to you on that. Make sure you take a bunch of those little bottles they have on those things, those little liquor bottles. Yeah. Clean it out, man.

I thought you were going to tell me to ram it in my ass. And ram them in your ass. Drink them first. Let's go, Ricky. Tune in next week. Come on, bud. Oh yeah, we're doing this? Tune in next week. Have fun with your new friends. Oh, I will.