Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 15 - Please Go F*!k Yourself

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Bubbles and Randy try to figure out where Julian's gone - along with a bag of 'toys' and a mystery leather sex fella! There's also ham yoga, horse steaks, and ancient Greek wisdom. Plus: Randy minds his friggin' manners!

I don't know where he is, Randy. Oh, I saw him. Where? I saw him getting into his car with a bag, and the bag had a little piece of masking tape on it, and it said sex toys. That's not true is it i could see it it was in big big block letters why would he label it it doesn't make any sense you know what's in there it was a gym bag so he might not want to go to the gym with you know butt plugs and dildos and stuff like that.

Did you see a butt plug? I didn't. Or are you just guessing? It was a pretty big bag, and it looked heavy. It didn't look like it was light, so. Well, it could have had fuck machines in it, not necessarily butt plugs. A fuck machine?

It could have had one of those, you know, hammer and fuck machines in it. You don't know. Wow, if he has one of those, that would be something and fuck machines in it. You don't know. Wow, if he has one of those. That'd be something. You know, Julian's a little, he's a little bit... Julian's gonna kill you for saying this on the air. We're on the air. He's sex...

Hello, everyone. September 1st. I'm gonna call him one more time. Park after dark. Ask him, well, ask him if he does have a sex machine in there. He probably definitely has some butt plugs in there, though. No, it's going to voicemail. Julian, it's Bubbles.

I'm at Ricky's here. We're waiting for you to do the thing. Randy said you had a bag with a bunch of arse toys in it. Hi, Julian. So, I don't know what's going on. I don't know if you went to a like a sex convention or where you are but get to ricky's if you're if you get this because randy's talking about you getting rammed with fuck machines all right see ya well i wasn't talking about him

getting rammed really well i'm just saying mean, that's what you insinuated. So we'll deal with him when he gets here, I guess. Well, you remember what I was saying, that he should probably get a physical and get his prostate checked and stuff. So maybe he's just trying to get things looser down there a little bit. So that, you know. Maybe.

You know what? Maybe he took my advice. I doubt it. I have to doubt that. I don't think Julian's into anything of that nature. When I see him, I'm going to congratulate him. You know what? It's, guess what week it is.

How often do you get your prostate checked? Once a year. Wow. Quarterly. Quarterly. Quarterly. That's a big difference. Quarterly. Once a year or four times a year is a big difference, Randy.

Yeah. And I'm talking officially by a doctor, not just, you know. Oh, once a year. But you probably have buddies that monitor it. Hold on. You got to. All right, so here we are. I don't know what we're going to talk about. I looked up a couple things. Did you?

Yeah. Are you losing weight? I lost half a pound. Yeah? Oh, it shows. That's a figure in my face, right? Yeah. Yeah. You lost a shows. That's a figure in my face, right? Yeah. Yeah.

You lost a half pound off your face. Oh, it's bring your manners to work day. Today. So, hello, Mr. Cameraman. Hello. See? I called him Mr. That's manners.

Thank you for being such a hard worker. You're welcome. You've got lovely manners, Randy. That's manners. Thank you for being such a hard worker. You're welcome. You've got lovely manners, Randy. Very nice manners. Yeah, manners are something that is being lost in this world. You know, people just, well, I get told to fuck off a lot. Yeah, you do. You know.

By me. Ricky tells you that a lot. Julian. Everybody actually in the park that I know has told you to fuck yourself at some point. You know, and a little please would be nice. Please go fuck yourself? Yeah, because then that's being mannerly. Is it, though?

I think it kind of makes you be... No, I don't think the please overrides the go fuck yourself part. I mean, if you say please, please. Please fuck off. Yeah, then you know I think someone's more... It makes it sound more serious, more professional. Okay, it's something to think about. I've got very good manners, I have to say.

No, you don't. I do. I call people Mr. and Mrs. and Miss and Ms. You tell people to fuck off quite a bit yourself. Frig off is what I say. Frig. Well, yeah, frig off, but it's the same connotation. Yeah.

Go frig yourself doesn't really work, does it? Please go frig. I'm going to start saying please. This is very unfair, Julian, leaving me here to fucking deal with you by myself. It's not so bad. What are you? Jesus, Murphy. My deodorant stick's a little old.

Oh, that's just what I needed to hear. But I mean, you. How old is your deodorant stick's a little old. Oh, that's just what I needed to hear. But I mean... How old is your deodorant stick? I found it in the drawer. It was in the back. I was covering it. So it's all dried out and it doesn't have any fucking stink to it anymore. It had some hairs on it.

I got rid of those. So... Whose hairs? They must have been mine, I think. Do you still put it on your unit i don't well no baby powder that stuff helps keep you i remember when you used to stretch your sack up and put the speed stick right under there yeah that worked good too especially if you're going to work out yoga is very good when you're doing yoga yoga is part of my yoga fella are you daily routine i do that fucking downward ham or whatever you call it

that's what i do you look like a fucking downward ham yeah you look like a big fucking ham oh no it's not a ham it's it's dog down dog, yes, but you look more like a ham. But you get... Sometimes my belly will hit the floor instead. Do you want to do the downward ham here? No. Show me what it looks like. Freaking Ricky's still in...

He's not still in solitary. He can't be. Last I heard, he was. If he gets home and cleans up, I'll show you. We could start doing yoga. We gotta get rid of that stupid tent. Just give us the downward hand, Randy. You know, for the people.

I got my pants on. I don't want them. Yeah, don't get those off. They'll be an awful different stink in here. You gotta, you gotta, I do yoga naked. Oh, my God. Yeah, well, I do it alone. It's not okay what you do alone, right?

I don't have any desire to know what the fuck you do when you're alone, Randy. Naked yoga, fucking drilling hams in yourself. Cross stitch. I'm a good cross stitcher. Those are good hats. Have you ever banged a ham? I've eaten ham. Honey ham.

And you know what? Don't ever eat a clove. They taste like a clove. They're bad. You're not supposed to eat them. They're just in there for when you're cooking. For the flavour. Why do they call them a clove? I don't know. What the fucking etymology of a clove is. They're definitely nasty when you bite into one. Why are you eating cloves? Well, because sometimes you put them in the ham when you do the crisscross thing, and then you cover it with honey and do some pineapple.

Pineapple is good. Pineapple is a very good thing. I love a nice pineapple slice on a ham. And you know the thing about pineapple? What? It makes your sperm taste good. Oh, Jesus. It's true. Christ almighty. Yeah. pineapple slice on a ham and you know the thing about pineapple what makes your sperm taste good oh Jesus it's true Christ Almighty yeah yeah you don't need to say those types of things well people might want to know because if you got

bad taste in sperm then ah right just enough just if you have a pineapple I don't want to know any of this, Randy. Asparagus is not good. It makes your pee stink. So, but it's a healthy, it's a green vegetable, right? And speaking of that, this week is nutrition week. Oh, that's perfect for you. Or something.

Perfect for you where you're so nutritious. I can't find it. I can't find it now. What are your tits weighing these days? I think probably about half a pound. Quarter. I can move them. They're like chicken cutlets.

That feels like a chicken cutlet. Look, there's muscle under the fat. Hi, they're... Quality entertainment here folks Randy's tits Working the tits I gotta do more pushups You can't do a fucking pushup

I can do Well I can't do like sets of 20 But I can How many pushups can you do? I can do I can do Between 5 and 10 Just depends

Do you want to have a pushup competition? No Because I can do 100ups can you do? I could do between five and ten. It just depends. Do you want to have a push-up competition? No. Because I can do a hundred. You can do a hundred? Well, last time I tried, but I guess that was 30 years ago. I can do chin-ups. Maybe I can't anymore. Chin-ups are fun.

When I was a young fella, you know, all ripped up. I used to be all ripped up. Ripped? Yes. Chiseled, they called me. They used to call me Chisel Chest. Wow. That's not true.

It's from pushing all the shaman carrots. That's not true. I was never ripped up. Jesus, look at me. Look at me. I like a nice snap of tequila, though. I think you probably got chiseled from all the friggin' shopping cart pushing is what you happen. Lugging them up that hill.

Well, yeah, that would actually used to keep me in decent shape, hauling them up from the Panhorn Mall down the pond there. Should have used, like, a pulley. Because then the pulleys cut down the work load. Oh, I've used fucking every pulley fucking system you can think of. Come along? I've used come alongs. Come alongs work good. You could probably attach the character together

and haul up a bunch. I don't even like you using those words. I don't know why they call that thing a come along. Well, because when you crank it, it's coming along towards you. There she comes. She's coming along. Very slowly.

It is a lot of work to move it, you know, just a few inches. Yeah. But when you're fucking, when she's tangled in the fucking weeds and there's, you know, she's, that's a good thing to have. What are we talking about? We're talking about you using the pulley system of getting the shopping carts. I'm right out of her. I just realized.

Do you remember when Ricky fell down the hill there when he was security guard? Yes. He was telling you you couldn't have the carts? I remember, yes. What the freak was up with that? Well, he was a bit fucked back then. You know, he was pretty fucked back in those days. As opposed to now where he's totally got his stuff together.

Yeah, I'm right out of her. I just realized. Right out of her. Are you drunk right now? I'm drunk and high. I took a thing there, one of the things, a brickies. Edibles?

Yeah. Is there any more? No, there was just one. It was in an ashtray. For fuck's sake. I mean, there was no ashes in it. It was clean. But I ate that fucking thing. I probably shouldn't have. I guess I should have just took a nibble on it to see what would happen.

Well, maybe what we do is... Jesus, I'm getting all tingly. We should go camping, maybe. Who? You and me. I'm not going camping with you, Randy. Well, it's the end of the summer. We should go.

Me and you camping alone in a tent. Yeah. Why in the fuck would I do that? I got like a three-man tent that's perfect for two. I live in a shed. That's the perfect tent. Well, friggin' Julian's gone to some sex party and... I don't know that he went to a sex party.

I don't know that... Could you have misread the labeling on the bag? Well, sex is three letters, you know? I know, but it said sex toys. Yeah, and he had an extra tight T-shirt on. Really tight. His nipples were popping through because it was a little bit cold. Yeah.

You really examined him good, eh? I had the binoculars because I was doing surveillance. Jesus, Randy, don't be watching Julian. I watch everything. I watch everything, bubs. Mr. Layton... This is quite a conundrum.

If he went to a sex toy party, I need to know, you know, what he's up to. I hope he's all right. I hope he didn't get, you know, maybe the mafia has him. Maybe the mafia's making him do sex stuff. There's mafia here? Oh, yeah. Italian mafia are all over the place. Maybe they're making him do sex stuff. Oh, yeah. Italian mafia are all over the place. Maybe they're making them do sex stuff.

Oh, no. No, I don't think that's probably the case. That's the drugs talking, I think. I didn't know that he liked motorcycles. What? Well, some guy was there, too, on a motorcycle. And then Julian went in his car. You're full of shit. Somebody picked Julian up on a motorcycle. And then Julian went in his car. You're full of shit. Somebody picked Julian up on a motorcycle.

No, no. He had a duffel bag labeled sex toy. They left together. He took his own car. Probably. What did the guy in the motorcycle look like? Was he a house angel or something? No, no.

But he had all leather on. Yeah. Had some of those studs, you know. Okay, this is... I don't like the sounds of this, if you're telling the truth. I find that hard to believe. Julian wouldn't just go off with a leather sex

fella. Well, he had those full leather what do you call those? Chaps? Julian, you're now, you're full of shit. No, I'm not. Julian was wearing leather chaps. Julian wasn't. The guy on the motorcycle had the chaps. Oh.

Because he was protecting himself in case he fell off. This sounds like you're weaving a tale to me, Randy. We got to write a letter. It's World Letter Writing Day today. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, we should write a letter to Ricky you go ahead write a letter to Ricky see how that goes over you'll definitely read it you know what he's gonna do he's gonna wipe his arse with it well I mean normally when you're in jail if you get correspondence it's pretty exciting not from you yeah but he doesn't know that until he opens the letter.

If you write him a letter, he's definitely going to wipe his hole with it. We should promise you. He could use two letters. You write him a letter and I write him a letter. What's your letter going to say? Well, you always start a letter with dear. So, dear Mr. LaFleur, because it's manor day.

Okay. You're going to use your manners. Well, maybe I'll try to. Dear Mr. LaFleur. Then what? Sorry to hear that you're in solitary. And please accept these brownies. Make them. Maybe I'll make Ricky some brownies.

You're going to put brownies in the letter? Maybe I'll make him some weed brownies. How are they going to fit in a fucking envelope? Well, a letter. You can put the letter on top of the brownies. Is it envelope or envelope? Envelope. Is it? Yeah. Or Envelope. Is it?

Yeah. Or is it envelop? Put it in an envelop. Oh, I'm right out of her. You are out of her. That must have been a powerful gun. What am I talking about? Envelopes, envelopes.

Huh? Well, if we're not going to go camp and you want to help me mow some lawns. Oh, yeah, Randy. I'd fucking love to help you mow the lawns for free. Oh, fucking sign me up. Well, no. Where's the lawnmower? I can't wait to get out in the heat and start pushing a fucking lawnmower around. Well, we can have some, like, a little barbecue after, I think.

I'll go to the barbecue, but I'm not mowing fucking anything. No? But I'll come to your barbecue if you've got hot dogs and whatnot. I do. I've got some good cheeseburgers, too. But you could weed whack. No, I'm not doing any work. Well, what are you going to do?

I'm going to fucking drink my drink and get more edibles out of the ashtray. Get right out of her, maybe. Okay. I got to clean my litter boxes, too. They're fucking piling up. I'm a neglecter. What kind of litter do you use? The stuff scooping on, what, scoopable, or what does he call it? When they pee in it, it makes a big lump. No, I've got the new stuff where you've got to scoop turds out, but when they piss, you just stir it out and it goes away. And if they piss, it turns a different color if they've got something wrong with them. Evaporation.

It is a type of evaporation, I believe. Pest evaporation. It is a type of evaporation, I believe. Pest evaporation. Well, maybe what we should do is just use this time to help educate everybody watching about what's something that you know that nobody else would know. Well, that's a good question. There's probably nothing I know that nobody else knows. I mean, in the world of science and education. How about something about your guitars and stuff? You know about that.

Like, how do you two... I know how much your tits weigh, and people don't know that. Yeah, but that doesn't help anybody else. It might. There's probably people out there, there's probably somebody watching from Czechoslovakia right now, the Czech Republic, that's sitting there at home going,

I wonder what his fucking tits were. Yeah. Well, now they know. Well, I didn't tell them. Ricky doesn't have a scale. I'm not going to weigh my tits for people. That doesn't make any friggin' sense. Oh, we could weigh your tits.

Where's this weed scale at? We should weigh your tits, Randy. That'd be fuckin' great. That's entertainment for the folks. The thing is, is when you go on a diet, like I've been on some different diets you don't lose the weight off the certain parts that you want to it comes off other parts first oh please elaborate where does your weight come off first legs you lose it on your legs

legs comes yeah you lose it So you get skinny little legs and big tits and a big boiler. It doesn't, it goes from the boiler last. How much has to come off your legs before it starts coming off the boiler? Or does it ever come off that thing? Because I mean, look at that. I don't think. Randy,

that's... I'm worried about you. Randy, you're gonna, you know, you can't be carting that fucking thing around the rest of your life. I've been carting it around forever. I know you have, but you're getting older. We're getting older. I got some gray hair. Look at that.

Gray. I know. That's what happens when you get older. Yeah. Gray hair on my head. Well, it makes... Old bubbles, they call me now. Makes you wise, is what I think.

I think people around the park are calling me Old Bubbles now. Where's Old Bubbles at? Give us a quote from Socrates. Or Plato. A quote from Plato. Yeah. Yeah. Or Plato.

A quote from Plato. Yeah. This is a little, not many people know this one, but this is from Plato. He said, and it's inscribed in one of those, you know, stone tablets. He pounded her in with the thing. Chisel? Yeah. tablets he pounded her in with the thing chisel yeah and one of his lesser-known quotes is do not fuck with me or I will end you very wise that Plato said that

to Aristotle they got in a fight one. They were all cranked up at the fucking tavern, and Plato warned them. Don't fuck with my Plato is what it was. He built something good. Not Plato, sorry. What was his name? Plato, yeah, Plato. Not Playdoll.

Yeah, he's the guy that made it. Number one clay toy. They didn't come in the guy that made it. Number one clay toy. They didn't come in the plastic containers back then. Play-Doh didn't make Play-Doh. It came in bottles, like glass. Instead of like the nice... Glass jars of Play-Doh. Yeah.

Play-Doh. It's a great toy because you can use your imagination. He could have actually spelt out don't fuck with me or whatever he would have played on he didn't though he's chiseled it into a stone tablet who else did that moses yes moses was all about the stone tablets holy fuck he had a whole library stone tablets moses used to he used to do porn He used to chisel porn pictures in them and sell them at the market. Well, and if there was a fire, then they wouldn't

get burnt, would they? They'd be, because they're stone. That's a smart thing. They'd get charred and blackened, but you could wash them off in the river. There you go. So it's Ten Commandments he did on all those stones, ten stones. No, he did the Ten Commandments he did on all those stones, ten stones.

No, he did the Ten Commandments. The first draft he did on loose leaf, but eventually when he had them sorted, he did them on the stone, yes. Paper is different back then. I think he dropped one and smashed it, if I remember correctly in the Bible. Something about that. He dropped it and smashed it. Did he make a new one?

No, I think he was drunk oh why moses was a bad drinker yeah oh fuck he was right out of her most of the time i don't know how well he's talking to burning bushes and stuff he was doing mushrooms constantly on mushrooms yeah and the sea farted right yeah just in his mind. Yeah, so... It didn't actually happen. He was all repped up on fucking opium and mushrooms. He was right out of her talking to snakes and fucking opening up oceans and shit. He was just tripping out, basically. Interesting.

And then he thought he built a fucking ark. Was that him? No, that was Noah. He was a completely different twisted twisted fella. I've never seen an irk. Oh, that's because there's no such thing. I've seen it in the movies, but... Yeah, but I mean, come

on. I want to know how they kept the animals from fighting all the time, you know? They didn't, Randy, because it's not, it's just a fucking... If that was written as a fucking children's book, people would go, oh, that's a cute story, but obviously could never happen. But because it's in the Bible, people are like, oh, fuck, that happened. Well, the way the world's flooding now, flooding and fires.

It's freaking horse cock is what it is. It is horse cock. You know. There's a lot of horse cock flying around. Never eaten horse, though. I have. Yeah? I ate a horse one time.

Not a whole horse, but you know what I mean. You couldn't eat a whole horse. What do they call it? Like, is it just, it's not, you don't know? I had it at a, when we were in, where is it? Iceland. Really? I had a fucking horse steak in Iceland.

I didn't even know. I thought it was just, it just looked like a regular steak. It was a, it was a fillet mignon. And it looked just like a regular steak you would get. And I was eating it and the guy come out and goes, how are you enjoying the fucking did he call it foul or something i was like what's that he goes that's a horse steak and i was like holy fuck am i eating a horse right now but i did it was tasty little horse poor horse i feel bad that i ate him but why would I feel more bad that I ate a horse than a cow? Right?

Yeah. Cows are no different than horses, really. Well, they are, because they can milk a cow. You can milk a horse. Can't you? It's a different type of milking, but yeah, you could milk one if you came right on to them. Maybe we should go horseback riding. Yeah.

You go right ahead, bud. That'd be fun. You go right ahead horseback riding. Bareback. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah, big old horse. No, I've never eaten horse, bubs.

I've eaten just regular farm animals. A sheep is a lamb, both. You didn't eat a sheep, did you? Well, when we were away there, I had, what do you call it, a kebab, and it was lamb. Oh, yeah, that's a lamb kebab. Yeah. That's not a sheep, though, is it? It's like a don't-air-looking thing And then he, but he cut it all off.

Oh yeah, but that's not a sheep, I don't think. I picture a sheep's all hairy and stuff. You don't want to eat that. He used a brawn shaver. It went just right down, trimmed it off. I couldn't believe it. You ate a sheep. It was delicious.

Yeah, garlicy kind of sauce. Randy, Randy the sheep eater. Are you sure you don't want to help me mow some lawns? Cause I kind of want to have a barbecue right now. I don't want to fucking, you couldn't fucking pay me to mow a lawn right now. I got a good buzz on from the tequila and the gummies that I ate out of the ashtray.

And I'm not in the mood to mow the lawn, Randy. I'll be sweating off. I'll fucking have a heart attack out there. It's a fucking million degrees out. Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow. No, I think you should go mow them. Well, it is good exercise. How many lawns do you got to mow?

Ten. But they're just little lawns do you got to mow? Ten. But they're just little lawns. Oh, I know. They're only like, you know, trailer park lawns. Yeah. You can really do them with the weed whacker. Are you going to cut Ronnie's lawn? Because it's about two feet fucking long.

No, I'm scared of Ronnie. Well, you better cut his fucking lawn because he's going to snap. He said the next time he sees me, he's going to piss on me. He will, too. He's always pissing. He doesn't use his bathroom. No, I know. He will piss right on you.

He gets an arc going. Oh, I know. He'll do a drive-by piss on you. He'll drive by with his wiener out the window. That's what I've seen him do it. They say, though, that if you pee on your property, it keeps wild animals away because you make your mark. That's why dogs and stuff like that.

If you go camping, again, if you pee in a circle around your fire, a lot of animals won't, especially if you have that asparagus, it stinks so bad they don't come near. What are you talking about? Just make your mark. Piss around your fire. Why would anybody come and take your fire? Well, you know, if you're going to go to sleep

and you don't want any animals to get you in the nighttime. You saw that in an old Clint Eastwood movie. Clint Eastwood used to piss around his fire, didn't he? Sounds like he probably would have. Clint Eastwood. Well, I don't know, Randy. Well, this was pretty fun to me. I had fun.

I don't know what we've been talking about for fucking 30 minutes. I don't have any recollection of anything we've said. Manners. Let's do a recap. Manners. Yeah. for fucking 30 minutes. I don't have any recollection of anything we've said. Manners. Let's do a recap. Manners. Yeah. Manners.

Julian's fuck machine. Well, we don't know what was in the bag, but it was a gym bag with mask and tape, sex toys. Yeah. What else? That's the only things

I remember talking about. You might have a blow-up doll in there. We talked about Play-Doh and... Prostates. Yes, that's right. Oh, did you hear about the biggest kidney stone? No. Biggest kidney stone ever recorded was taken out of a fella.

Guess how fucking big it was. I mean, I've had kidney stones, and they're only like, you know... Golf ball. Size of a golf ball. Nope. He wishes it was the size of a golf ball. The cocksucker was five and a half inches long. A kidney stone that fucking long. Was it round, or is it...

No, I think it was tubular. I don't know. I didn't see a picture of it. I just read it. Five and a half inches. Can you imagine? Man, how do you pass that? Well, you don't pass it, Randy.

Jesus Christ, that'd be like a fucking snake eating a fucking gorilla. You don't pass a five. They got to take it out. They got to cut you open and pull her out manually. You can't piss out a... Could you piss a five-inch fucking rock out of your wiener?

Might take some time. Might take some time. You know what? We got to wrap this up. All right, well. We're getting two off course. Well, cheers. Good to see you today, Bubbles.

It's been a lot of fun. Let me see if... No, nothing from Julian. He must be at a raging sex party. Well, Julian, I hope you're having a good time, sir. See, manners. Tune in next week, and hopefully, hopefully the boys will be back here.

Maybe Ricky, hopefully he gets out of jail. Cheers. Thanks for hanging out, Randy. Go mow some lawns and cook me some fucking hot dogs, bitch. Right away, sir. Thanks for filming us. You're welcome.