Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 15 - Ronnie Pumpkin Is Hard As F**k

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Poor Bubbs has kitties on his mind today - is Stumpy gonna make it? Julian has found Randy the perfect mate, and Ricky wants to wrestle an emotional support alligator. F**k, those shrooms are really kicking in today, Boys!

So the cat's gonna fucking live or what's the story with him? Still touching doll. All right, bubs. And you're okay? Everything's all right? I think I'm gonna be all right. Thanks for being here because if I had to deal with Randy anymore, I would fucking, I would snap. Don't ever invite that piece of shit in here to do this with us again.

He's not your villain. It's fucked. He smells, he's disgusting, he was eating everything, he's annoying, and he's fucked. I just want to let you know right now, if Gilbert Pottery doesn't make it, I'm probably going to have to go somewhere for a while. Ed, well, you're not fucking inviting Randy here. Well, I've already set it up with Randy that if I do have to go, Randy's going to be around a lot. Aren't cats kind of like goldfish, though?

They're just replaceable. You just get a new one and forget about them? Cats like 116 of them. Yes. How old is that cat? They're very, very unique personalities. Well, how old is the cat? How old is he? He's got like 116 of them. Yes. How old is that cat? They're very, very unique personalities. Well, how old is the cat? How old is he? He's nine

years old. He's had a good life. I just can't really flush him down the toilet. Well, you hit the cat. How many lives has he gone through? You hit him once by mistake. With my car? Yeah, he was up underneath the fucking engine hood of my car. Rick, have you ever tried to flush one of my cats again? I fucking kicked him by mistake when I was drunk one night.

I need to know this. He was a good cat, but he's got to go. I need to know this. He's the brightest cat. He was a bit of a fucking... You kicked my cat. I did it by mistake. I know, but be more careful with your fucking loose legs.

Well, all I'm saying is that if he dies, get over it. He was a cat that was always heard, wasn't he? No, that was fucking Ronnie Pumpkin. Ronnie Pumpkin was heard as a rock all the time. I can't fucking believe it's September. What? Heard as a rock? Fuck. What I can't fucking believe it's September. Hard as a rock? Fuck. What do you mean, like, or that thing?

No, his little mini Christmas tree bulb. Mini Christmas tree bulb. How many kids did that little motherfucker make? A lot. Thunderfucker, people were calling him around the park. If I could be jealous of any kind of animal out there, it would be that guy. Because he's a cool cat. Down the far end of the park, that's what they're calling him.

Thunderfucker. Keep Thunderfucker out of my yard. Mr. Stevens said he fucked a rabbit. He did. Several rabbits. He didn't give a fuck. So what's the scoop here? When a cat fucks a rabbit...

You get a cabot. A cabot? Like John Cabot. John Cabot Trail. I thought it was a rat. No, it's a cabot. Don't get a rat. You don't get a fucking rat, man.

Well, where do rats come from? Rats come from... They're fucking rodents, man. A rat's like in the hamster fin. You used to think rats were adult mice. They're not?ents, man. A rat's like in the hamster family. You used to think rats were adult mice. They're not? No, man. Ricky, we went over this.

No, it's a type of mouse. No, it's a rat. It's a long-tailed mouse. Fuck teeth. Did you ever see a wharf rat? Yes. That's a long- Ronnie Thunder fucked one.

If no way, man. There's no fucking way he fucked a warfrat would fuck him. Ronnie Pumpkin gave it to a warfrat. Bullshit. Do you have video? No, I don't have video, but I saw it from a distance, and he wasn't even getting them from behind. He had them on his back with his legs up. Holding his legs up.

He should have a TikTok. Boys, if we had a video like that, you know how much money we could make? A cat fucking a wharf rat? With his legs pinned behind his head? Wharf rats are nasty, man. He didn't have them pinned behind his head, Rick. He just had them slightly elevated okay i have buffs i think you're pushing it there's no fucking way he grabbed the warf rats he did

i'm telling you he was holding them up elevating them was the rat fighting it or no didn't seem to be was the rat male or female i don't know i didn't get right in there to look he doesn't care if he fucking that cat's a machine as long as there's a little't get right in there to look. He doesn't care if you're fucking... That cat's a machine, man. As long as there's a little bit of heat in there, he does not give a fuck. Wow. All right. I think this is started, boys. Oh.

Oh, fuck. All right. We can just cut that. We can cut all that off the front. That's good. Welcome to Park After Derek. I'm the host today. This is my two friends, Ricky and Bubbles. September the 2nd. September the 2nd. This makes me depressed. I'm the host today. This is my two friends, Ricky and Bubbles. September the 2nd. September the 2nd.

This makes me depressed. I'm sad. Summer's fucking pretty much done. No, Ricky. September's still the summer. All of September. In my opinion. Okay, so I guess we gotta keep partying. It actually does. For people that don't know what it's like here in Sunnyvale, it starts to get cold by the end of October. So we're good for another two months.

September's fine, Ricky. We can still swim in the river. Get drunk outside, pass out, do whatever, man. Go camping if you want. I don't give a fuck. It's hurricane season, though, isn't it? Yeah, but... How many hurricanes fuck...

Well, yeah, actually, a lot hit us. Yeah. Remember that time we ended up out at sea? That was an hallucination, Pubs. That wasn't fucking, that did not happen. It was a good time. It was. Mushrooms, I love them.

You've been doing a lot of mushrooms. I think they're great, man. They're good. They're good for people that have, like, mental health problems and shit. Take some mushrooms. Mental health? What's mental health problems and shit. Take some mushrooms. You feel a lot better. What's mental health?

Mental health. Mental? You said mental. I said mental, man. Bernie Bentle. Fan or not a fan? Remember Bernie Bentle? In Orange Dairy Hurts? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, he was good, man. He was fantastic. What's his song? Something to Live For? He got something to live for. Something so real. He got something to live for. He had some good jams. Name another one. No.

There's another one. He's got another hit. He's got a bunch of them, man. Oh, I know. He's got one that's even better than that one you were singing. Yeah. What the fuck's it called? Bernie Bento.

Do I got to look this shit up? Something about mustard, wasn't it? Russian mustard. Russian mustard? I think he had a song about Russian mustard. Putting it on your wiener. There's no fucking way there was a song about Russian mustard. Something about put the mustard on your wiener.

Maybe it wasn't him. No, that wasn't him. No, I think that was... I think that was the song that you and Randy used to sing when you'd get drunk, man. No. Mustard on my wiener. And put it in. Randy might.

No, I used to sing Who's Shitting My Saddlebags by Roy Rogers. All right. That was a good one. Yeah, that was a good one, Bob. I wonder if anybody ever did that to Roy Rogers. What? Shitting his saddlebags. Oh, fuck.

Cowboys were dirty fucking bastards, man. They were shitting in your saddlebags, shitting on your saddle. I know they were shitting in boots, but I don't know what they were doing. Shitting in boots. Puking in your boots. Pissing in your boots.

That's where pissing boots came from. See, back then, man, people weren't that fucking bright. There was not a lot of common sense. Basically, a lot of people like Ricky, put a cowboy hat on him, that's what you got. They shoot the same. Somebody cool as fuck that's a farmer and rules the world. You'd be a hell of a cowboy, Ricky. Sure would.

Cowboy Ricky. Instead of a six-shooter, I'd have a 12-shooter. Custom-made. Custom-made 12-shooter. Custom-made. Custom-made 12-shooter. Ricky. No, man. That's like a Gatlin gun. And you could do six shooters.

Just line them up in the bar. And then piss in your boots. I found the perfect mate for Randy. Here, guys. What kind of animal is it? I mean, this is a chick. Oh. Well, that's strike one right there.

And I feel bad for this lady because she's had some fucking problems, right? But the moment I saw her, I was like, Randy would bang the hell out of her and probably have a great life. Why don't I show her the camera first? Check out that lady. How come we don't get to see her? She gets dressed up every day, cruises around, dressed up in a different outfit every day,

but does that look like something that she looks like Randy? Well, that's not a lady. That's a lady. No, it's not. It is 100% a lady. She's got the juggeronies. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything. You got juggeronies.

Yeah, but they're... Juggeronies. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything. You got juggeronies. Yeah, but they're... Juggeronies. The San Francisco tree. Anyway, I think it's great that this lady, she said, fuck it, I'm getting dressed up

in a fucked up outfit like that every day and we got to find her. I think this would be a mask for Randy. Get him the fuck away from us. So what did you go on

searching to find that? Yeah, how did you happen upon that? It just came up, man, on my Google. Oh, yeah? Oh, it just popped up in your Google. It popped up. I was searching fucked up things, and she came up. Because it doesn't sort of monitor your searches and give you suggestions.

Yes, it does. It's out of rhythm. It gives you similar things you've searched for. Okay, Shanghai's Little Princess of Anfu Road. I don't know why that came up. Shanghai's Little Princess. A 400-pound lady with a big beard. I can't imagine some princess is going to want to get with Randy, but maybe.

Well, maybe. He is a bit sumo-ish. He does look like a sumo wrestler. He looks like a sumo pincushion. That's what he looks like. What the fuck is this? Do you guys know there's a fucking, there's a championship thing out there. It's lying down for as long as you possibly can.

I didn't know the record was 60 hours. I don't need to fuck up for that. What? 60 hours. 60 hours straight. Can you smoke and drink while you're lying down? Yes. So I don't understand it.

60 hours, how is that the record? That's fucking nothing. What about someone in the hospital? Yeah. That's a good question. Yeah, what about people, you know? I guess you've got to be there at this championship to participate Uh, that's a good question. Yeah, what about people, you know? I guess you gotta be there at this championship to participate and actually, you know, compete.

Hey, who's calling you? Anybody we should answer? My little Shanghai princess. This fella? No, man, I'm just joking. No, no, don't need to know who's calling. You got his number now, do you? Try to get ahold of him. You know what, boys? You know what we haven't done in a long time?

We haven't done a prank call. Remember we used to do prank calls when we were kids? Yeah, that's a good idea. We should just do one. 24-hour, like, furnace fixers and shit like that. Repair guys. Remember we used to do that with the lady and Randy? Yeah.

Remember we used to fucking order pizzas to Lay's all the time? All the time. The most we ever ordered in one day was 31 pizzas. Yeah. Fuck, he was mad. Heard of pizzas. Yeah. Randy was pretty happy, though.

You know how you can have licensed emotional support animals? Yes. I didn't know. Did you know you could have an alligator? Get the fuck out of here. A support alligator? Yeah. Fucking, this is Wally the alligator in Pennsylvania.

Goes for walks in the park and the water park, plays, and he loves to be pet and loves hugs. He's a fucking alligator. Wally. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Like, I don't know. Has he got his teeth? He goes to restaurants. He hangs out in the car and cuddles up with everybody. He's a fucking good up. Like, I don't know. Has he got his teeth? He goes to restaurants, he hangs out in the car and...

How big is he? He's a fucking good size. He's bigger than this table. Has he got his teeth? Yeah. That's what I mean. So, I mean... They can't do that.

He seems good, but, like, what the fuck if he just has a bad day and snaps your fucking arm off? Mm-hmm. Snap on your arm, do the old roll. Death roll. Right off you. Oh, he could twist your fucking arm off no problem apparently in Pennsylvania

it's it's legal to own an alligator but it's illegal to fucking let one go in the wild so it's a I don't know

Pennsylvania yeah right in downtown Philadelphia man alligator he's pretty famous he's on fucking I think he's got

his own TikTok well he's a fucking alligator. I don't trust him. I wouldn't, yeah, it's one of those animals that's like, I don't give a fuck how cute and, well, he's not really cute. He's fucked like a goddamn dinosaur. Yeah, I don't know. At any point, he could snap your wang off.

Yeah, fuck that, man. You were going to fight an alligator when we were in Florida. I should go to Philly and beat the fuck out of Wally. Yeah, fuck that, man. You were going to fight an alligator when we were in Florida. I should go to Philly and beat the fuck out of Wally. There's a tick-tock. That would be a tick-tock. Fest fight with an alligator. Oh, you like pets and hugs, do you, you little pussy?

He's got his short little arms, though. What would be your first move on Wally? What would you do? I'd sneak around behind him, yeah. Sneak around behind him and he's all looking at the kids and, hey, want a hug? And I'd be like, fuck you, jump right on his back, start feeding him. I don't know if a punch would do much to an alligator, man.

They got like... I'd have to rope his beak. Can you choke out an alligator? Beak? Isn't that what it's called? Alligator beak? Birds have beaks. Alligators don't have beaks.

They have snouts. A beak and an alligator. I thought a snout was a nose. Snows. Snows? Nose. What's an alligator? I don't know a nose. It's a snows. A snows? A nose. What's an alligator? I don't know. You know what's happening to me?

What? Edibles. Edibles are kicking in. I've got to take them like an hour before we do this stupid show. This is kind of cool, too. This fucking fisherman on the Missouri River thought he caught a rock, reels it in. It's a goddamn prehistoric predator fish. 90 million years old fish fossil. I'd love to catch something like

that because that would be worth some money. How the fuck did he catch a rock? You hook a rock? I've hooked many rocks. And brought it up? Yeah. Thought I had a big fucking bass. I actually yanked one out of the water so hard it got me fucking right in the forehead and knocked myself out. 90 million years old, that's pretty old. It's very old, Ricky. How old? 90 million years. But how much is that?

Well, I don't know how to explain it to you. It's a long time. Was it before Jesus? Yes. Ricky, Jesus. I thought that's when the world began. Jesus was only around a couple thousand years ago. Okay. This is like 90 million.

You're back in, like, cavemen. Cavemen? We're like 90 million years ago? I believe so. Cavemen must Were like 90 million years ago? I believe so. Cavemen must have been around then, weren't they? Maybe it was all just dinosaurs. They were just dinosaurs, man. I don't think they were cavemen.

I think they might have been cavemen. 90 million, like, gorilla men. Gorilla people. I'm dumb as fuck. Speaking of fighting animals, did you see that kangaroo fight in Australia that was virally? No. Fucking awesome fight, man. They're beating the fuck out of each other. One of the kangaroos throws the other kangaroo

right through a goddamn metal fence. What? Just right through it. That's fucking wicked. Nice move. Nice. Did he kick him with big kangaroo feet? They were locked up.

There was a solid metal fence, and he went right through the fucking thing. Did he kill him? No. He got up, and he was running down the road after that. He ran away. He was fucking scared. Maybe it was two guys in kangaroo suits. Oh, no, this was a full-on fucking kangaroo boxing match. It was wicked.

I mean, the kangaroos are tough, man. Kangaroos are fucking awful. Real tough. Fucking dirty bastards. All rightos are tough, man. Gangaroos are fucking awful. Real tough. Fucking dirty bastards. All right, Bob, just explain this to me, because I don't know what the fuck this means. Scientists create synthetic mouse embryos

using stem cells. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can they do that with people now? What the fuck's going on? Oh, eventually. That's probably why they're testing it.

You know who was doing that shit? Hitler was doing that shit. I don't think the Hitler... Hitler wasn't making synthetic mouse embryos. What are you talking about? I don't think they had the technology back then. He was trying. He wasn't doing that.

He was out fucking... He was out partying, trying to take over the goddamn world. Studying his shit. Gathering up people's shit. Yeah. Building toilets with shelves in them so the shit wouldn't Studying his shit. Gathering up people's shit. Yeah. Building toilets with shelves in them so the shit wouldn't land in the water and he could examine it better.

Man, I saw... There's the first red flag. There's something fucking wrong with the guy. Don't put him in power. Shit examiner. I heard you can learn a lot from your shit, but... You can. You can, Ricky.

About your diet? What do you know about shit examination? I'm just saying. You can tell. You don't want, okay, you don't want blood in your shit. That's not good. Okay? You go get checked out immediately if that happens.

Well, duh. What about when you have like a, I'm not gonna talk about it. My little pebbles, like too much fiber in your diet, maybe. Well that's what deer, it's like a deer, deer have pebble shits. Deers have pebble is like too much fiber in your diet, maybe. Well, that's what deer... Protein is good. It's like a deer. Deers have pebble shits. Huh? Deers have pebble shits.

What were you gonna say, Ricky? What if you have what in there? If you look down, there's like a little pudding skin. That means you're drinking too much, man. That means that's your stomach fucking lining. That means you shit your stomach lining. Chill out on the booze, man. Don't...

Reeling on the booze. You see Don't drink way too much, man. Like, way too much. Look who's talking there. Rum dumb. It's a pace. The pace doesn't give you the sauce. I'm never good at pace. Your stomach.

Do you remember the time the mayor came to the park for the party? Do you remember what you did? Ricky had a big piece of corn and he goes, See you tomorrow. and starts eating it. Oh, man. Why would you say that in front of the man? Oh, speaking of corn, did you see the viral video with the little fella singing about his corn? He's cool.

He fucking loves his corn. Does he ever love corn? Yeah. He says, and then he fucking drilled the butter onto it, and everything changed. It changed his life. Did you see the story where this Domino's delivered pizza to the top of Mount Fuji? I thought that was kind of cool. Oh, shit. Well, yeah, and it's not real.

There was no fucking pizza in the goddamn box. It was all climate. It was just a goddamn Domino's pizza-warm backpack, but it had all this climbing shit in it. Yeah, it was a viral video. That's what he was doing, man. No one's gonna fucking deliver pizza at Mount Fuji, man. Why not? Come on, butts.

Well, who may... You don't know who lives up there. Or are they gonna just give you, what, a $5 fucking delivery fee? Well, it depends on how committed they are. More than five bucks. How much do they believe in their product? Do they believe they make the best pizzas? Well, if you do, hike one of the cocksuckers up to the top of Mount Fuji and prove it.

There could be a little mountain man living up there that likes pizza. Some people pay a thousand dollars to have a pizza delivered to the top of the mountain, probably. A thousand, I think it would cost more than that, man. If you lived on the top of a mountain, and you were a little mountain man... I wouldn't live on the top of a fucking mountain, number one. If you were a little mountain man, you would. Where else are you gonna live? And say, you know, say, okay, maybe I shouldn't have moved up here.

Maybe it is a bit remote. But I think I still should be in the delivery zone. Riddle me this. No, bubs. How do the apples grow up there? What do you mean? Fuji apples. There's no fucking Fuji apples up in Mount Fuji.

Where do they come from? They're called Fuji apples, isn't they? Oh, fuck, man. They don't... That doesn't mean they grow up there, Ricky, the top of Mount Fuji. I didn't think anything growed at the top of mountains. No, there's just one person lives up there, and he enjoys pizza. How do you know about

this one person lives up at Mount Fuji? Well, he ordered a pizza, so... Oh, bubs, that was just a fucking gimmick or viral video. Must have sucked running the telephone wire

all the way up there. Oh, my fuck, boys. There's not a house on top of Mount fucking Fuji. There might be. There is. There's never one up there. Let's go check. I would love to see you fucking

try to climb Mount Fuji. I could get up the top of that fucking thing. Let's do, you know what? We should do a documentary. Let's call Netflix, say, hey, give us a few million bucks so we can deliver a fucking pizza up to the top of Mount Fuji. No, if we're gonna call Netflix for a few million bucks,

we're gonna do something better than fucking climb Mount Fuji. I'll tell you that. Go to the moon. Go to the moon. Boys. There's what we do. We get on fucking Artemis I. Head up. I didn't see this, but I guess there was another viral video of a Boston news anchor. She was supposed to say back to school shopping and she said back to school shooting.

Oh! That's not a good thing to say. Right on. What a dummy. That's not a great fuck up. Alright, the last thing I found, and this is fucked, is Florida mother and her grandmother, they're being charged after punishment went too far with their kids. They don't think it did, but they duct taped one kid to the wall and they duct taped another kid to the chair

only because they ate a fucking moon pie ice cream thing without asking. Tape to it on them. Their fucking mouth shut. One kid had his whole body taped right to the wall. Do they get hurt? The kids? Yeah. I don't know if they got hurt, but it's...

Well, fuck them. They're not going to eat another one. You know what? Yeah, the more I think about it, there's nothing really wrong with that, is there? No. If a kid was living with me, he drank my last pint of rum, he'd be duct taped to the fucking ceiling. I never thought of it like that.

You're right. The ceiling. Fuck them. Well, whatever. The wall, the ceiling. That'd never thought of it like that. You're right. The ceiling. Fuck them. Well, whatever. The wall, the ceiling. That'd be a good fucking duct tape. I'd duct tape them to the top of my car and take them for a drive down the Trans-Canada Highway

to, like, fucking the bird or something. Jesus Christ. That's what would happen to them. You should definitely have kids. Well, I'm saying my kids wouldn't do that. I'm saying some other kid. So you're going to duct tape somebody else's kid to your roof? Well, whoever's going to steal my room, yeah, they're getting duct taped to the fucking roof.

Yes, yeah. You can't beat them anymore. No. Just duct tape them. It's a weird world we're living in. You can't beat your kids. I probably beat that man. Wow. Kids hold all the power now. I'm blacked out there for a second, boys. Are you on any of those edibles?

I had one, a little one. I didn't think it was going to do anything, and I just went away somewhere. Well, the little ones are 50. You know that. What? They're 50. I thought they were five.

The red ones? Yeah. They're 50. Aw, boys. Get a closer look at them before you take them, bubs. It's about time you took the right amount. Yeah. They're 50. Aw, boys. I'm gonna be fucked, am I? Get a closer look at them before you take them, bubs. It's about time you took the right amount. Yeah, both of them, yeah.

I can't do 50. Five is borderline too much. You can do it. Five's for hamsters. Five is for little hamsters. You don't give hamsters edibles, do you? No. No wonder the thing's always fucking laying on its back i've never seen a

hamster lay on its back until you got a older one i've seen a rat lay on his back getting fucked getting railed by ronnie pumpkin ronnie thunder he's a fuck machine, man. Thunderfucker. Wow. That cat can give her. Sounds like somebody wants to be reincarcerated as a cat. If I could be reincarcerated as anything, it would be Ronnie Pumpkin. Because that cat is cool. Imagine if you did, and it, like, imagine Ronnie Pumpkin 2.0 showed up, and it had, like, big fucking arms on it. Fucking fucks and his little paws.

Just banging everything. Doing fucking these. Got a shirt off. Got a fucking little cat goatee. But I wouldn't have like brats pinned up against the fucking wharf. What would you be banging? I'd be making love. That's what I'd be doing.

Because I would be pretty romantic as a rat. I mean, a cat. You'd be a romantic cat. Yes, man. You'd be like... All right, it's the edibles talking. I don't want to be a cat. I do.

The old boys, you know there's a new video game called Stray. I got to get on it. There's the cats? Yes, you're a stray cat and you just wander around. I can't get it to some kind of a fucking, I got to download something. Sounds like a lot of fun. It's the most popular game in the world right now. Can you go around pinning wharf rats and fucking them?

I don't think so. That's probably an add-on. We should make our own version. We should definitely make our own version. I, you know, I'm sure somebody's going to program it now that we've talked about it. I don't think so. That's probably an add-on. We should make our own version. We should definitely make our own version. I, you know, I'm sure somebody's going to program it now that we've talked about it. Ah, son of a bitch. This guy, man, this Colombian entrepreneur, he's making fucking tons of money selling thin air in a bottle.

What the fuck? Air. Because he lives in the city of Eternal Spring. So he fucking bottles up the air, sends it off to China where it's like fucking polluted as fuck and people are buying it. That guy used to, remember on Sesame Street, the guy used to sell air. Bet you we could sell Sunnyvale air. Remember the sneaky cocksucker on Sesame Street

that would come out and he had the blue head, the mustache and the hair? And he'd come out and say, you want to buy a letter J? Oh, yeah, I know that guy. He wasn't selling air. He sold air different times. Because I remember watching it going,

I wouldn't buy air off that cocksucker. If people are watching this, if you'd like to write a comment into whatever, the website, if you would like some air, we'll sell you some Sunnyvale air. Sunnyvale air? There you go. It's not polluted air.

It's clean. No. Except when Randy fucking eats too much Mexican food. He could. Whatever happened to that girl that was selling her farts? She stopped selling them. She sold almost half of them. She ran out of gas.

Yeah. She stopped selling them. I did see the update on that. She's not doing it anymore. She's doing something else. She's doing something else. She's selling something else now. She sold almost $500,000 worth of farts. I don't think it was that much, man.

It was. I think it was $120,000. No, she got up to $500,000. All right. She put in a big order of mason jars and just spent a fucking weekend giving her. I wonder how she... You know what? We should try to get a hold of her.

Ask her, what did you do? Did you change your diet when you got into this business? Or are you just always gassing? I don't know how you would get a hold of her. Disgusting. She's probably not in the phone book. She's pretty hot though. Fart jar.

Company comes under fire for making employees eat raw eggs as punishment? What? I heard about that. Eggs are good, man. Well, yeah, if you're fucking Joe Weider going to the gym pumping iron, fucking eating glasses of raw eggs like Jack Tripper used to. Fuck, I miss Jack Tripper. I miss Jack Tripper, too. I see you got born on September the 2nd.

Glenn Sather, you liked him. Yeah. The Sather. Terry Bradshaw. We met that cocksucker, Jimmy Kimmel. He was a nice dude. Oh, yeah, we did meet Terry Bradshaw. He was a tall motherfucker.

We met him. We also met David Spade. Holy fuck, Julian. Better put some duct tape on your crotch. Two big ones coming up. Right, whose birthday is it today? Keanu Reeves. Ooh.

Any action down there? He's good. He is good. Anything stiffening up down there? Nothing stiffening up. I respect him. And Lennox Lewis. Ooh.

Ooh. Was a good friend of him. There it comes, there it comes. No, I heard he might be fighting again. Really? Yeah. Lennox Lewis. Yeah, I'd take him on now.

Wasn't he Canadian? Yeah. He was, right? I think he was British Canadian. British Canadian, yeah. What's that mean? Last but not least, just to blow the duct tape right off the pants,

Salma Hayek. She's looking great. These days. Yeah, Salma Hayek is. She's been in a lot of great movies, Tarantino's movies. That's right. And she's... What Tarantino movie? Dustal Dawn, wasn't it?

Yeah. I think she was in that. Yeah. Why is she? She was the cobra lady with the big chubs. That wasn't Salma Hay, wasn't it? Yeah. I think she was in that. Yeah. Why is she? She was the cobra lady with the big chubs. That wasn't so high. She was beautiful, man.

He's a good actor. And she's funny. She was definitely in Desperado, which wasn't, I don't think that was Tarantino. No. Okay, I totally fucked up. I don't think she was in any Tarantino movies. I think you're thinking of, what's her name? Maybe.

Was she in Blow? Who was in Blow? No, that was Penelope Cruz. That's who I'm trying to think of. Where the fuck did that come from? God, I love edibles. Yeah, Penelope Cruz in Blow. They make you smarter. Boston George.

All right. I'm going to finish with one little... I can't finish this up, man. A father and son get into a horrific car accident. The father dies really horrifically. I added the words horrific and horrifically. Good choice. The son is brought to the hospital for immediate surgery.

The doctor looks at the boy and says, I can't operate on this boy because he's my son. Who's the doctor? Just wait. Read me that again, Ricky. I fucking love me a riddle. Father and son get into a car accident. Father dies.

Hey, father and son. Get into a car accident. Yep. Father dies. Yep. Son goes to the hospital. Yep. Doctor says I cannot operate on this boy because he is my son.

Who is the doctor? He's his priest. Fuck. He's a doctor priest. It's his mother. Oh, fuck. Oh, for fuck's sakes. We're so fucked in the head.

Hold me down and fuck my mother! I know! Didn't the scene feed to me? I didn't get it either. I was like, what the fuck? And then I read it and I was like, Jesus Christ. Son of a bitch! There's too many dudes in the store.

That makes me mad. That's it. That was... Alright, let's go. Alright, we're outta here, motherfuckers. See you later, motherfuckers. God damn it. See the video version of Perk After Dark in Ricky's trailer.

Go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app.