Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 15 - Trinity the Hortons Asstant Asstant Supervisor

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

The Boys have a special guest in the trailer today, and Ricky's made some ass-blasting dirty ribs, potato salad and liquor cake to celebrate! They discuss the mystery meat of a McRib, what a 'horizontal refreshment' is, and how Julian made $1000 at the beach!

I guess we're good to go, are we? We are good to go, Ricky. Julian, set your big muscular arse down. I need some aloe vera or whatever the fuck you call it. Do you think you're going to find fucking aloe vera? Is there aloe vera here, Trent? I don't think so, actually. What, is there aloe vera here, Trent? Uh, possibly. I don't think so, actually.

I think Dad used to use sunscreen. What do you need aloe vera for? I need some fucking sunscreen. You chafed your wiener, did you? No, I didn't. I'm working today. I gotta get fucking this shit on me. That's what you get for sunbathing naked all weekend. No, I've been working at the beach, thank you,

and I want... Working at the beach? You were laying on the picnic table naked. No, I wasn't doing that. I made a thousand bucks yesterday. What were laying on the picnic table naked. I wasn't doing that. I made a thousand bucks yesterday. What were you selling? Booze. Oh.

You go to the fucking beach with a bunch of booze. How'd you get your wiener sunburned then? It's my wiener's not fucking sunburned. I thought you might have been there with a weight bench. I'm not doing any weight benches. Selling pump-offs. Selling pump-offs. Oh, pump me. 50 bucks. Oh, pump me, 50 bucks. Oh pump me, 50 bucks.

Alright, fuck it. Alright, who's doing the intro? This is a big one today. My fucking daughter's here. I did it last time I think. Well, Ricky, you can do it again. Where do I look? This one or this one? Right over here bud. This one over here, bud.

This one over here? Yeah. Welcome everybody to Park After Dark. It is no longer dark, it's after dark. My daughter's here today. Very special day for her and for us. Hey, Trin. Hey!

How are you? Getting all growed up. Oh, great. Having a great time? Yeah. Well, thanks for coming to do this silly little thing, but... Anytime. I think it was appropriate.

My daughter, didn't tell you guys, big surprise, got a huge promotion. No fucking way. That's right. Trin is now the assistant assistant supervisor at Horton's. Oh! Big time. That's good. Decent.

Fucking always knew you'd grow up to be something big. Aw. What does that, that's a pay raise, isn't it? It is, yeah, whole two cents. Nailed it. Oh, it's gotta be more than two cents. It's not gonna give you more than that. It's more than two cents.

It's gotta be more than two cents. Over a dollar. We'll see, we'll see. If it is only two cents, you tell me, because it's not gonna be two cents. I got you a cake. Thank you. Congrage, Congrage?

What the fuck? I fucked up something. I was pretty big. But anyway, congratulations. Thanks, Dad. Huge deal for this family. Congrage. Ass tant.

Ass tant. Supervisor. Perfect. I love it. And little flowers. So we'll eat that after your favorite meal. Where'd you get it, Ricky? It's kind of a weird cake.

Never seen a brown and yellow cake before. It looks like a bumblebee cake. Well, they didn't have much frosting left after the Canada days, so that was what was left. Are we gonna have some? You didn't put candles in it or anything. Well, I thought we'd eat first, because I also made her favorite meal.

Dirty ribs and fucking potato salad. I don't know if you guys remember that. The ribs are cold, right? They're cold now, but we can heat them up on the barbecue. No, no, they're my favorite. Cold ribs. That's what I thought. Cold ribs.

Oh yeah. Here, feel that. That's cold ribs. Look at that. Get it? Sit next to the air conditioner. Dirty plate of ribs. Cold ribs.

I've got cold ribs. Oh. Stayed up all night making this. Nice. Ricky, you didn't stay up. That's Ziggy's. I put some spices in it. Looks delicious. Get us some plates and some bowls.

Fuck's sakes, I'll have a fucking dirty rib. I'll have a dirty old rib, Julian. I'm good, man. Come on, Julian. I'm good, man. Come on, Julian, you love ribs. I'm good, folks. What are you doing? What are you so fixated on? I've been drinking already today.

No, this is my first one. It's a celebration day. Of course. Party day. Like we need an excuse. Like we need an excuse. Every day is a celebration day. What are you celebrating, Ricky?

Her fucking promotion. My promotion! Well, I thought you meant you were celebrating something other than that. Yes, I'll celebrate your promotion with you. Thanks, bud. So did you, like, did you get a special uniform or anything new come with that? Yeah, I get a little sticker on my uniform. Fuck, you know what?

I forgot to ask him if this was okay for your silly Sondriac. I'm sure it's fine. She's silly Sondriac. What the fuck is that? You can't eat certain stuff. He means celiac. Oh, the celiac. It's fine, it's fine.

Yeah, just read the fucking ingredients here, Trent. It doesn't say... Can I have a rib, Trent? What did you put in? No, don't eat that, because he added some shit. Oh, yeah, that's true. And you put spices on the ribs, too? You know what?

I forgot about your fucking thing. I'm sorry, I fucked up. That's all right, Dad. Can I eat these fucking ribs or am I going to die, Ricky? Those are going to blow your ass right off your body. I mean, in a good way. How could that be a good way? Those are nice.

Yeah, they taste good. So you've got Trin, a big celebration thing, she can't eat any of it. She can, but it won't be good for her body. Well, somebody have a rib with me, for fuck's sake. Bob, I got a question for you. Why? Why is it only for him? What percentage of the population around here do you think believes in that Buddha shit?

The Buddha, the big Buddha guy? The big Buddha guy? Yeah, the Buddha. You know, Buddha. I know who fucking Buddha is. How many people are into that stuff around here? A lot. Okay. Alright, I know who fucking Buddha is. How many people are into that stuff right now? A lot. Okay. A lot.

All right, I've got an idea here. Why? Because this guy, he's called the laughing Buddha, but he's making a shit ton of money. I say we could dress Randy up as this and maybe pull it off. Check that out. Can you see Randy sitting there doing that? Well, this guy's making a shit ton.

How much? He just sits there and laughs, man. People are like, holy fuck. It's Buddha. Laughing Buddha. It's the laughing Buddha. That's a weird one, man. Maybe we could have the hairy Buddha.

Well, I was thinking we could shave his, you know, body maybe to make him look like this guy's head. He's got the same size neck, I think. Well. He definitely has the belly. If you ask Randy, he might do it. Can he laugh, though? Randy, if you tackle him, I've tackled Randy and he's laughed.

I mean, you might have to run in every 10, 20 seconds and tackle him, Julian. Would you do that? No, that's something you'd be doing. I'm not. If you get the deetle-deetle going, you'd be perfect for it. Are these ribs the same as the McRib? No, Ricky. A McRib was just...

Okay, good. Mystery meat pounded into the shape of a rib. There's 70 ingredients in a McRib sandwich. I was wondering if there's 70 ingredients in these fucking things. It doesn't look like it. 70 ingredients. In a McRib, man. That's a lot.

A McRib is just some kind of mystery meat, and a machine pounds it into the shape of ribs. Actually, 70 things pressed into a fucking machine. What? That's crazy. That's a lot of shit, man. Yeah, you didn't think of a rib sandwich was actually ribs, did you?

Why would they call it that? Because it's shaped like a rib, and it's made to sort of taste like a rib. But there's not actually ribs in it. What the fuck is in it? I'd like to know now. What are the 70 ingredients? And who the fuck's twisted cock

came up with 70 ingredients to mix together to make that sandwich? Why do you need 70? Like, that's fucked. How about four? Because they have the top scientists in the world making things the most delicious they possibly can. Okay, how many ribs and spices with the colonel?

He's got what, 13? 11. 11? See, 11's... So McRib's trying to show off a little bit. A little bit. Well, it's just... They're just trying to be fancy, man. that's good. So McRib's trying to show off a little bit. A little bit. Well, it's just, they're just trying to be fancy, man. Have you ever had a McRib?

No. Don't eat one, I guess. Especially with your... 70 ingredients, that shit's expensive. One of them's definitely going to fuck you around. Yeah. This is cool, I didn't know this, but the earth used to be covered in giant mushrooms 24 feet tall and 3 feet wide instead of trees. Imagine if they were magic, oh my...

Fuck! The times you'd have back then. Just wait, where did you get this fact? This is a good one, it's off that... Whatever you said was a good thing to look at stuff on. Really? How tall? 24 feet tall.

24 feet tall. Search it on your smart box. You know what? Get this. I read this the other day. A mushroom is closer to being a human than it is a plant. Check that shit out. It's just a blob of...

No, it's a fucking... I'm telling you. I'm Googling that. Julian, there's no way. It does fucking love, Trent. There's no way. It doesn't have a fucking brain. 24 foot tall mushroom.

No, I'm going to do mine first. So mushrooms have brains, do they? No, I'm not saying that. It's just the fucking makeup of it, the DNA and all the shit. You know what I'm saying? That's fucked. There's no way. Mushroom closer to animal than plant.

Okay, maybe we'll go to the animal first. Yep. Turns out animals and fungi share a common ancestor and it branched out from plants at some point. 1.1 billion years ago, so suck it. Yeah, but nowadays they're not close or they're fucking animals. Well, they fucking, they are.

Bubs, that's what it's saying right here, man. Didn't even have a heart. It doesn't matter, man. I don't believe that. That's dumb. What website's that on? The Onion? Nope, this one's on Science ABC. That sounds really official.

That sounds fucked. Nope. Remember when we were at the Legion the other night and that girl said to Bubbles that asked if he wanted a horizontal refreshment and he thought she was fucked in the head? Well, we all did. That's actually slang for sex, man. She was asking if you wanted to have sex.

What? Refreshment. Would you like to have a horizontal refreshment? I mean, I'm going to say that now. It's awesome. But I thought she was out of her mind. Trin, can you just plug yours for a second? My God.

Just plug Dick's. Seriously, he's old enough. She has horizontal refreshments. Okay, is he talking about the chick sitting on your face and spraying? What? Horizontal refreshment. I don't think that's... Well, that's the first thing I thought of.

What else could it be? Horizontal refreshment? It basically just means you want to fucking get horizontal and bang, I think. It's not really a refreshment. Jesus, you're talking to a really detailed, weird level. Oral's spraying in your mouth? Is that what you think? It's like a drink?

Jesus Christ, man. Well, that's not good because when she offered me that, I said, I don't think I could get it in my mouth horizontally because I thought she meant like a horizontal drink, and it would pour out on the ground. No, she wanted to have sex with you on Canada Day. No, she wanted to sit on your face. You should find her.

She was smurfy. Either way. I'm glad I didn't say, yeah, set me up. Either way, you could have had a good time that night, and you didn't. No, I had a great time anyway, with my kitties. I had a great fireworks night with the kitties. I had a great fireworks night with the kitties. I didn't know this.

Did you know the cows have best friends? And they get stressed out when they're separated from each other? I did know that. That's cool. I used to have a cow. I used to know a cow. Elephants are the same way. I used to know a cow named Ronald.

Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. What's his real name? Shagford? Nope. Shaquille? Norville Rogers. Bullshit. How fucked is that? Shagford? Nope. Shaquille? Norville Rogers. Bullshit. How fucked is that? I didn't know that.

What's Scooby's real name? How'd he get Shaggy out of that? Scooby Doo's real name is Wayne Stafford. What is it, man? Scooby Doo's real name was Wayne. Okay. Yeah. These ribs are fucked, Ricky.

Well, they're, she likes them cold. Oh man, who was that, that angry cat? What's his? The grumpy cat. Grumpy cat. He's dead, right? Yeah, scrumpy past life. Okay, he's dead. All right, here's the new one. Check that motherfucker out.

I've seen him. Yeah? Yeah. What do you think of him? Pull him in close? He doesn't look as fuck... You don't want to cuddle that motherfucker. No, I love him. I think he's fantastic.

Oh, really? Yeah. He just looks like an asshole. No, he's probably a wonderful kitty. I'd have a cape on him if I owned him. Cape? Yeah. I'd have a black cape on him.

Remember when the snake... Oh, Lord. Remember when the snake... Oh, Lord. Remember when the snake bit my cock and I said it looked like it had two puncture wounds and a burn? Yes. It did. A burn? Yeah, snakes can belch fire. No, they can't.

I did not know that. What? Ricky, what are you, on the Game of Thrones website? Look it up in your smart box. Can snakes belch fire? They fucking can. It's crazy. Ricky, the burn you had on your wiener was from a cigarette. Or a snake bit me and belched on me.

Or you got an infection. The clap. You got an infection. Come on. The what? The clap. I don't know, man. Ricky, it was a fucking cigarette burn.

I was there when you burned it. Because I warned you to put the cigarette down before you took a pee, and you said no. I think it's an awful big coincidence that snakes belch fire, one clamps on my wiener, and I've got a burner mark on my wiener. I don't believe in coincidence. Have the clap or fucking those other things.

Crabs, what would you prefer? Did you look up smarty pants box? Yeah, I do. How many times have you had crabs? If you want to... Not in front of my daughter, please. Oh, I can talk about people sitting on other people's faces. That's your choice. You can't talk about crabs? Four or five times, Trent, if you want to know. Not true. And...

At least. Your mother... Yeah, Mom told me. Your mother told you. How many times? Shit, a graph. How many times? Your grandfather? Man. That I don't know. And at least your mother your mother your mother How many times your grandfather Man, there is a problem with them as you you keep passing around There are hard fucking thing to get rid of I bet you're raising tripled engines over a thousand. No triple come on That was probably a hundred fucking pick up on that. So since your big promotion, I thought we could, I found out some shit about Hortons.

I didn't know. You probably know all this shit. Before donuts, did you know they sold burgers? Tim Hortons did? When he first started his restaurant, that's what he wanted to sell. He didn't want to sell donuts. What the fuck? It didn't go very well. So then they started selling fucking donuts and coffee.

I'd like to talk to someone that ate a fucking Tim Hortons burger. See what it tasted like. Probably not very good because they switched to donuts. First Hortons was at an old SO gas station in Hamilton.

69 cents for a donut, 10 cents for coffee, and there was only two different donut flavors, apple fritter and a dutchie. Did you know that? Apple fritter was one of the first fucking

Horton donuts, and that's my favorite Horton Donut. 69 cents. How fucked is that? Can't be just a coincidence. No. That is fucked. That's fucking good marketing right there. What do you mean not a coincidence, Ricky? 69. 69 cents. Would you rather buy something for 69 cents or 79 cents? 69. 69 cents? Would you rather buy something for 69 cents or 79 cents? Well, 69 cents. Well, there you go.

But I'd rather buy it for 59 fucking cents. Or 49 cents. I bet you you wouldn't. Why 68 cents? There's a reason the number was chosen. Yeah. Why do you think that is then, Ricky? Because it makes people think of being hungry, I guess.

Getting a horizontal fucking refreshment. Yeah. See? You're fucked. Refreshment, yeah. See? You're fucked. That's not why there was 69 cents. They probably figured out their food costs and their overhead. It's the government, man.

And they were selling donuts as cheap as they could. I didn't know that poor Horton died in a single vehicle car accident. I didn't know that. How old was he? 44. What kind of car? I didn't find that.

Who gives a fuck? The Donutmobile, probably. It wasn't the fucking, it was like a Porsche or something. You're thinking of James Dean. How come there's no apostrophe? Because it's not, his actual name was Hortons. Tim Hortons. It was Tim Hortons.

Well, then I don't know. It used to be an apostrophe. But then, in 1977, Quebec said, no more fucking English names on signs and shit. Really? Or no more something on, yeah. So they had to change it so now it's just Tim Hortons with no apostrophe everywhere

so that they didn't have to fucking change everything. So the goddamn, yeah, okay. People ask me that all the time. Now I know. I didn't know that. I didn't have to fucking change everything so the god damn yeah okay people ask me that all the time now i know i didn't know that i didn't know i didn't know curry died in a ford pantera i knew it was a cool no way it was a pantera that's a fucking nice car who gives a fuck he's talking about poor tim horton he had a good taste in cars i mean you're worried about what kind of car he perished in. Double-double's in the dictionary. Didn't know that.

Double-double. What dictionary? Which dictionary? Web, web, web, webbers? Web, web, web, web, webbers. Fuck a dictionary. Who cares, man? 76% of baked goods and coffee, Tim Horton sells in the country.

Bullshit. The whole country. That's a fucking lot of shit. That's a big market share they have. 4,500 locations. Lloyd Minster is the donut capital of Canada. They eat more donuts per capita than anyone. Who does? Lloyd Minster.

Lloyd who? Lloyd Minster. I don't know, does that fuck it up? What the fuck is he talking about? It's a place. Lloyd Minster. I don't know. Did I fuck it up? What the fuck is he talking about? It's a place. Lloyd Minster. All right. Lloyd Munster? Mm-hmm.

Eddie Munster's uncle. 43 fucking donuts per month sold in Canada. Get the... That's insane. No, no, no, no, no. 43 donuts? 43 million per month. Oh, I was gonna say.

I think that's... 43 million donuts a month? Yeah, that's a lot, bud. Who does? Tim Horty's. Don't I think... 43 million donuts a month? Yeah, that's a lot, bud. Who does? Tim Horty's. Don't believe it. 43 million. What are they, a buck apiece?

At least. At least, man. They're cranking in probably 50 million a month on donuts alone. 30 anyway. And how much is a coffee? Uh... I don't buy Horty's coffee. It's gotta be... It's like $1.70.

Two bucks for a large one or something? $1.70. Well, you should know. $1.70. For a large. Well, there you go. Yep. Jesus, they're making a lot of money.

You know what they're not making? A lot of tips anymore. Why? Because remember you used to have to pay just cash? Now you can use the fucking tap. Tap Reno. Fuck you. It's fucking up a lot of the street people. They need those machines. Yeah street people could use those machines man. Well if you were a street person and you had tap capabilities. And you could set up a

bank account because that's something you'd need. That would be decent. Which Ricky doesn't even have. That would be decent. So what else is new? How's Mo doing? He's great. He's reading and writing now. Ricky, you just saw him. He's gonna be smarter than me. Maybe.

You just saw him two fucking days ago. What do you mean, how's he doing? It's two days ago. Things happen in two days. Could've got a new haircut, could've broke something. Not yet. Could've got sick. Thank gosh. Hmm. Only his...

Only his little toe that one time when he stubbed it. Other than that, he's been doing fine. Yeah, he's pretty lucky. Yeah. I definitely broke something by the time I was his age. Ricky, was there weed? Was there fucking weed in the potato salad? Why do I feel fucked all of a sudden?

It wasn't weed exactly. It was weed. It was a little bit of that powder. Oh, crystal-y stuff. I'm fucked now Good luck, bud I'm high as a fucking jalapeño You know what?

You surprised everybody You can come to the beach with me today and sell some booze How's that? Perfect place to be high I'm not going while you sell pump-offs No, I'm not selling pump-offs, man Why don't you?

50 bucks challenge all the muscly guys on the beach You know what? You're not talking like Muscle Beach and fucking California Bubs. Well, it might be if you were there. It's Rainbow Haven. You could turn it into Muscle Beach. Everybody there looks like that guy, okay? Well, you could be him in a pump off.

And I mean, as soon as you show up, it is Muscle Beach. Shut up. How did Jacob make it? Did he get fired? Not yet. He's still hanging on. Well, he's been fired a couple times, but they always hire him back. What a fuck-up.

Yeah, I know. Jacob finally gets his forklift training certificate. He's unloading a fucking truck, and he put the forks right up through the goddamn roof of the truck. Yeah. Does that surprise you? Well, yeah. I mean, no.

He's gotten better. You could have done so much better, let me tell you. Fuck. He's pretty, he's good. He's good to mow. I love him. I got to try to drank myself back down to controllable levels. No, I'm too high.

So if I get the liquor in me, that brings me back down to a controllable level. All, I'm too high. So if I get the lecker in me, that brings me back down to a controllable level. All right, tell me something. Does that guy look skinnier than Jacob? What do you think, Trent? No, I don't think so. Guess what?

Guess what he is? Because guess what this fucking guy did? Squeezed through the bars of a fucking jail. Jacob could do that. No problem. That's him. Jacob can't do. No problem. That's it. Jacob can't do that, man. Well, if his head was skinnier, he could.

It's a big fucking head. Way skinnier than fucking Jacob. He could be part mouse, though. I didn't think it was possible. Mouse can manipulate their bones. Maybe he could. Part mouse. Humans can't do that, man.

Impossible. He could have a mouse bone gene. Humans can't do that, man. Impossible. It could have a mouse bone gene. I don't know. Bone gene? Mouse bone gene. Not just a regular bone gene. Mr. Bone Genles. Dance.

Mr. Bone Genles. Boys, I am fucked. Yeah, I certainly kicked something in there. You didn't have any, did you? Boys, I am fucked. Yeah, I certainly kicked something in here. You didn't have any, did you? No, I didn't. You're lucky. I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to make you fresh potato salad with none of the silly sondriac

and ribs with just ribs. Yeah, and no, no. Did these have weed dust on them too? No, unless some of them blew from here to there. No, it had that powder blew from here to there. No, it had that powdery stuff that you collect at the bottom of this grinder. Which is way fucking stronger, Pops. Pure THC, basically.

That's a nice flavor though. I don't know why I fucking do this. Every time I eat something at Ricky's, I'm fucked. I should have learned my lesson. Should have learned... Jesus, bubs. I gotta get up. I gotta get... Drink back down. I gotta take these before...

I'll put them over here before I forget. I'm taking these today. I thought one of those was mine. Well, I'm gonna give you some money for those, bud. Is one of them cracked? Yep. That one there them cracked? Yep. That one there. Don't drink too much.

Bob, I need that. Oh, I love this stuff. It's a nice mix. Take a good, good solid one. If you drink this, and then chase it with vodka. All right, you owe me ten bucks. Ten bucks.

You know where you can suck it out of? Where? I won't say it because Trin's here, but you know where you can suck that ten bucks out of. People know, too. People know what I'm talking about. I'm not sucking anything out of you. Just give us a hint. Front or back?

Front. Front? Front. Front. Front. Front. Sometimes. We all know what you're talking about, man. Sometimes the back, if it becomes unstrapped. Get it?

No, man. I don't either. Oh. All right. I don't want my daughter to explain it to me. All right. What it's... Well, just, you know, imp to explain it to me. All right. What is...

Well, just, you know, implying that it's gigantic. It's down. It needs to be strapped. So you do the tuck thing. Back there, it's blowing in the wind. Like a dog tongue. It's like that movie. What was the movie the guy had to tuck down there?

Silence of the Lambs. No, man. It puts the lotion in the basket. This guy. He did a little tuck. Didn't even look in the mirror. Yes, he was dancing. He had the full tuck.

You've got that. What did he do? What was he saying? What is that? Put the lotion in the basket. What did he say? It puts that? Put the lotion in the... What did he say? It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again. That was good, man.

Put the fucking lotion in the basket! This is fucked. Pups. Buffalo Bill, he was fucked. That was fucked. That was dead on, man. Well, I've seen the movie about 60 Dimes. Weird bastard.

That's a great movie. Terrifying. First time I saw that, I've seen the movie about 60 times. Weird bastard. That's a great movie. Terrifying. First time I saw that, I was fucking terrified. How did you feel when you first saw the tuck? He tried it. He's been doing it. It's not like a dog's tuck. I think everybody's tried it after seeing it.

I don't think I have, man. It's kind of weird. It looks like you have a Ken bump. Yeah, it does look like a Ken bump. You know what a Ken bump is, right? Have you ever walked in on him trying to do the tuck, Trent? I don't even think she does. I don't want to talk about it.

No, that would be... What kind of a question is that? I don't fucking know, man. It's just a weird... Everything's weird about that. So weird. I think you better chill, bubs. It's starting to bring me down.

I got a bit of a buzz on, and when I got a buzz on, I don't get as panicky when I'm too high. When I'm too high, I get panicky, and then the liquor knocks me back to a controllable level where I'm not panicking. Do you have any big plans for the summer? Now that you've got this new job? We didn't even cut the cake. Are we going to have cake?

Go ahead, man. It's delicious. Is it good? Yeah. Do we have plates, Ricky? Here, I can... Yes, there's paper cocksuckers right over there. I don't want to be doing dishes all day.

Are you cutting it? Well, you should cut it, Trish. You should have the honor. You should have the honor here. Pull her in. This is the... Assistant assistant supervisor. That's fucking awesome.

You got a bigger discount now for food and stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 50% off. So whenever you need something, you just let me know. Oh yes! 50% is awesome. You get 50% off?

Yeah! So I can get a coffee and an apple fritter for a buck? Yeah! Holy fuck, I wish I drank coffee. Trina, who taught you how to fucking cut a cake? No one has ever taught me how to cut a cake. You don't cut it like that. Why not? You can cut it. I can cut it how I want! how to cut a cake. You don't cut it like that. Why not?

You can cut it. I can cut it how I want. Cut it like a pizza. No, you don't cut cake like pizza. But look this way. Look, but now you get squares. This gives you more exciting shapes. Yeah, you get squares. It's much more exciting.

More exciting shapes. And I just happened to get one that's mostly frosting, so fuck off. See, no, that's yours because your fork's on it already. Well, that's my fork. So... See, like that's bullshit. That's okay. There's no icing on that at all.

What do you mean? Oh, fuck off. It's the whole top of it. Give him this fucking thing and tell him to shut up. Here, here, have this too. Here you go. Take that and shut up. I'm not, what a motherfucking, I'm not ranting.

Julian, here. You need it. There's some fucking icing for you go. Take that and shut up. I'm not, what a motherfucking, I'm not Randy. Julian, here! You need it. There's some fucking icing for you. You're going on the beach. Come on. This is a nice piece with lots of icing. Will you pass me another plate, bud? Yeah.

Last time I had cake, it was fucking Randy's and found a wrecked pest in his mouth. That was disgusting. I went to the bathroom. You guys were eating the cake. I did not know that while I was in the bathroom. I was gonna tell I went to the bathroom. You guys were eating the cake. I did not know that while I was in the bathroom. I was going to tell you guys

not to eat the cake, but I didn't know you were going to eat the cake. Ricky, if there's a fucking cake in front of you being cut, there's a good chance fuck people are going to eat it. You could have said,

don't eat the cake. I pissed in Randy's mouth. Well, I did, but it was too late then, wasn't it? Well, yeah. Anyway, I ate a piece. I couldn't barely taste it.

Which is even more fucked that you ate a piece knowing that it was in there. But whatever, I guess. It was a small amount of fess. This is good cake. You can't even taste the booze. Oh, my gosh. Ricky, is there liquor in the cake?

It's a fucking celebration cake. Jesus Christ, can you just make something that doesn't fuck people up? Why? What does Mo eat when he's over here? No, Mo's usually pretty good. How many times has Mo been drunk? Dad? Pops. How many times has Moe been drunk? Dad? Pops.

How drunk? A buzz on. Well, once, Christmas time. That was not my fault. He took, I mean, that does look like juice, I guess. And a couple other times he, I wouldn't say he was drunk. He ate a whole thing of those rum chocolates that you left out for him.

I didn't leave them out. You can't get drunk off those things, can you? When you're fucking four, you can. All right. And your liver's not used to processing liquor. He's been drunk six times that I can. All right, what about when you left your fucking spritzer coolers on the goddamn table when you passed out?

You drank three of those, and he was fucked. And that was your fault. Those were not my spritzer coolers. He had a buzz on. If you're going to let him drink, just let him eat the candies, the ones that are filled with liquor. No, don't let him drink! Because he's going to drink anyway, right? So at least when he's eating candies, he's going to want to eat.

Could you wait until he's 10? No, but if he's eating these things, he's not gonna go like, fuck, I'm gonna go hang out at the liquor commission and try to get someone to buy me a bottle. Why give him liquor candies? Just give him M&Ms that don't have liquor in them. All right, well, he's gonna be drinking

out in the streets fucking behind the church before you know it, bud. I'm telling you right now. Well, he's not smoking yet. Which is he's not fucking smoking. Better not be. Well... Okay, boys, I'm gonna fucking, I gotta get her going here. All right, go. How many fucking ounces in 750 milliliters?

That's like a quart, so I don't know. 26. 26? 52, all right. How many ounces? Is that gonna be enough for you for today? Oh, yeah, that's good money there. All right. Well, 6, 700 bucks. It's good to see you, Trin. Yeah, you's good money there. All right.

Well, six, seven hundred bucks. It's good to see you, Trin. Yeah, you guys too. Yes. Thanks for the cake. It was awesome. These guys are going to go, but we'll keep the party going. I'm going to make you some new fresh ribs.

Perfect. No, no weeding them this time. Can you eat butter? Yep. Okay. Tune in next week when Julian has a pump off with... Laffy Buddha Gouda. Laffin' Buddha.

Have they ever made a piece of Gouda into a Buddha? Gouda Buddha.