Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 151 - The Stink Police

Episode Date: July 9, 2018

Holy fack, it's hot out there! Bubbles is suffering from heat stroke and is a bit delirious! The Boys talk about the deadliest marathon, the boys trapped in a cave in Thailand... and they call Elon Musk’s cellphone! Episode 151 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. The sunburn's looking a lot better, bubs. Oh, it's finally starting to dissipate. Man, you passed out in the sun. That was a bad idea, bud. Oh, why would you leave me there, Ricky? Why wouldn't you say, Bubbles, wake up. You're fucking going to get burned.

I didn't know you were going to pass out until noon, man. I thought by sunrise you'd wake up and go to bed. I was passed out. I was there four or five hours, Ricky. Yeah, that was a bad one. I was a lot worse. All right, okay, this looks better. That was like a big blood.

There's no blisters anymore. It was quite a bit more red earlier. Well, you're lucky I pulled your pants back up, or that would have been a real bad one. That would have sucked. You got to pace yourself, man. Yeah, thanks for that, Ricky. Thanks for getting my bird covered, at least. What you got to do is never man. Yeah, thanks for that, Ricky. Thanks for getting my bird covered at least.

What you got to do is never go one-to-one with him fucking with booze and shots and shit. No, I know that. It's just stupid. I mean, it's just holy fuck. He's a fucking maniac. That cream feels nice. That feels lovely. That feels lovely.

Buffs. I am still hammered, though. Holy fuck, what a crazy week, man. Yeah, we went hard, boys. We gotta slow it down, boys. No, we don't here. I'm gonna start the thing, ready? Started.

There she is. There's the old girl. What was that? You had had Ricky? I don't know. Don't get that fucking thing going. Do you got the chickens under there? I was having fun with that earlier.

I had a good little rhythm going. I can't hear those chickens again, man. What do you mean you had a good rhythm going? They were banging, bubs. Who? Two chickens. You don't remember? Give me the chickens.

Bubs. Ricky. He had those things... Give me the chickens. Fuck. Ricky. He had those things going for three hours straight. Put them up here. Put them up here. It's got... Rick.

Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick.

Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. It's got... Rick. It's not funny anymore, man. It's fucked. He lost his carrot.

It's annoying. Ricky, don't be wasting the hummus carrots. Carrots. All right. Okay, you're done? Yeah, I got it out of my system. It was fun. It was fun though. Who, like how can you do that for three hours? It's the drugs, bubs.

When you're on the right drugs, it's funny. Well, we weren't on the right fucking drugs, man'm you know what I'm done with drugs for a while pussy no more fucking cans wow no fucking my lungs are fucked I won't let you use my plane I feel like you can only use this when you're on the drags man don't break it well what do you mean you mean? You threw it at the wall! I was... I thought it would... Oh, fuck! Broke my airplane. God damn it. I love these fucking things when you're high.

I do too. That's why I have it. Wish they made them that you could use a remote control and drop like little paratroopers out of it though. They do, man. I do have those, man. Alright, I think she's okay. Yep. Just leave it. All right, what are we, where are we?

What's that? I don't fucking know. Hey, remember J-Rock used to call these clown turds? Yeah, I didn't get it. They're a little orange. Are clowns orange? No, but if a clown was going to have poop, you would think maybe.

What? Might be, I don't know. Maybe a fucking pumpkin turd. At least the pumpkin's orange. Oh, my fuck. All right. This is a disaster. Welcome to the podcast number 151.

151 Proof Rum. Yum. That is good. It is July 6th. Yes, happy Canada Day. July 4th, we partied for that one too. We partied all fucking week. We did the Canadian celebration and the American.

Lumped her into one six-day, seven-day party. Big bender, still going. Bubbles are still going. Julian never really stops anyway, and I don't know what you're on right now. I don't know. I'm at the point where I've either got to stop

or not stop. But I do need some sleep. Nah, fuck it. Let's keep it going. Let's just go one more day. One more day. Because I've got about 20 beer left. Green bastard IPA.

Look at that. Wrestling in my stomach. Just don't do any shotguns. It's wrestling in my stomach. All right, what do we got to talk about? I don't know, man. I brought some lovely hummus. Hummus, hummus, hummus.

Yeah, so enjoy that. Who got born on today? Free, I don't know, Mexican painter. Nancy Reagan. That is nice stuff right there. Nancy Reagan? Yeah. Okay.

Who got born? Nancy Reagan. Ronald Reagan's wife? 1921. Yeah? 1921. Yeah. 1921. Fuck, man. When did she die now?

2016, I believe. Just two years ago. So she was over 100. Oh, no, she wasn't. No, no, 1921. She was goddamn near 100. He's fucking close, man. She's goddamn near 100 years old.

What year did Ronald die? Do we know? Oh, fuck. That silly bastard. It's got to be, what, 15 years? I don't have a fucking clue. I don't know, man. Yeah, he was pretty funny.

Bill Haley. Bill Haley and the Comets. He did the rock Around Your Cock. No. A good one. It was not Rock Around Your Cock, Rick. It should have been. It's a lot better if it says that.

He was born in Michigan. He wasn't born in 1980. Rock around your cock tonight. We're gonna rock, rock, rock. One, two, three o'clock. What would the lyrics be? One, two, three o'clock. What would the lyrics be? One, two, three o'clock. Time to suck cock.

What was it? One, two, three o'clock. Time to suck cock. Four, five, eleven. Four, five, eleven? I don't know. Bob's mad. You should maybe go see a doctor, man.

You're really fucked. One, two, three o'clock. You're probably dehydrated., two, three, four. Probably dehydrated. I am dehydrated and I've got sunstroke. I think your brain's got fucking... I've got sunstroke. Underneath that is a brain and that got sunburned as well.

It fucked her all up. My brain didn't get burned. It's got circuits crossing and electrical storms not happening in the right places. If anybody knows about fucking circuits crossing in your brain, it's you. Janet Leigh. American Oxygen Psycho. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Bruce Lees. George W. What the fuck? So George W. Bush and Nancy Reagan were both born on the same day? Yeah. I wonder if they ever had an affair because of that. Hmm? George Bush Jr. never banged Nancy Reagan.

I'm pretty sure. I bet he... George Bush Sr. might have. He might be taking a run. What flavor are these fucking things? They're like a nice... It's a fucked... Salt and peppery kind of...

No, it's a fucked flavor. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's like a salt and pepper. Holy fuck, one of Julian's idols. It's like a salt and pepper cheese flavor. It's like fucking sour cream and onion shit, man. Yeah, could be.

You ready for this one, Julian? What? You ready to get an erection? From what? Rambo. Got bored today. Interaction? From what? Rambo. Rambo got bored today. Why would I get an action for that? Sly Stallone, as you like to call him.

Old Sly. Sylvester Stallone, yeah. Good actor. No, but you call him Old Sly. I don't call him Old Sly. Never met the guy. I would like to meet him. He's probably got a lot of good stories.

Remember when you bought the knife at the top that screwed off that had the compass on it? Everybody bought those fucking knives. And I did buy it. I borrowed it. Remember when you tied something around your arm? I did do that, and that was for fucking Halloween. Remember when you cut yourself and tried to sew yourself back up, and it didn't go very well, so you had to go to the hospital?

It was an accident, and I did fucking get a few stitches in. But it wasn't fun. I showed you how to cauterize it with gunpowder but you wouldn't do it. No, man. You were fucked up.

All right, who else do we got? 50 Cent. 1975. Okay, he's what? 40? 50 Cent was only born in 1975.

He's a young fucker. 43. Yeah, he's like 43, 42, 43. 50 Cent was only born in 1975. He's a young fucker. 43. Yeah, he's like 43, 42, 43. 50 Cent. Who else? I bet his 50th birthday, I bet it's going to be a big one. It's going to be a gong show, man, if he lives that long. 50 turns 50.

That's the slogan, I bet. Yeah. Does he have any kids? I wonder what he named them. Like, would he name them Nickel and Dime? Quarter. Quarter. Mooney.

Well, they couldn't be more than he is. He's only 50 cents, so they couldn't be a looney. I wasn't even thinking about that, man. No, they have to be smaller denominations to change. Penny? Quarter. Yep, there's lots of pennies out there. Quarter, dime, nickel, penny. Penny cent.

I like nickel. That'd be your name. You could have... Nickel's kind of a tough name. Nickel. I suck, Nickel. Hey, Nickel. Double nickels.

What the fuck was that? Double nickels. Oh, no. My double gun. All right. Boys, I'm drunk. Yeah, okay. You know what?

I will drink tonight, but you guys have got to shower tonight, both of yous. Okay? I'm not saying at the same time. Kevin Hart got born today, and so did Tay Zonday, American singer and keyboardist from Chocolate Rain. You know them, bubs? Yeah, Chocolate Rain, Tay Zonday. Okay. Kevin Hurt, comedian,

born in Philadelphia. He was born today. He was born in 79. He's only how old? Who? 39. Kevin Hurt was born in 1979. Oh's only how old? Who? 39. Kevin Hart was born in 1979. Oh, he's just, he's fucking. He's in his 30s.

He's 38, man. He's 38. 39, fuck's sakes. 38 years old. Never kissed a girl. He's 38 years old. Never kissed a, I'm sure Kevin Hart has kissed many ladies. He probably does dirty stuff a lot.

Because he's famous. Wow. Could be married, is he? They got a lot of crazy shit over in Japan, boys. Like, a lot. Do you think? There's a gadget here that some guy invented over there. It tells you how bad you stink.

Which I... Oh, a stink-o-meter. I was going to try to build one of those. You guys will both be off the fucking charts with this thing, a stink-o-meter. I was gonna try to build one of those. You guys would both be off the fucking charts with this thing. A stink-o-meter. He perfected one. I swam the lake July 4th, so I'm pretty fucking ripe.

I mean, not ripe. Unripe. What's that called? Clean, Ricky. Clean, yes. The problem with body odor is that you can't really smell it on yourself. Yes, you can. If you're fucking stinking, you're like, I stink. Yeah, not if you always stink. If you always stink, you go nose blind.

Don't you know those commercials? You can still... Well, if you put your nose right in there, you probably know it. But if you're just walking around, you go nose blind to it. Well, it's a big problem in Japan because you go around walking around and you're stinking. It's not good, man. People are fucking not into it. No no people carrying around deodorant do you think Sam Losko knows what he smells like no he does not because I don't know man I think he's fucking I

think he does it on purpose he stinks it up worse than no he's gone nose blind that's what it is nose blind never heard of that before man you've never seen the commercials for nose-blind? Nope. Where they got the kitties and stuff? Wow. I bet you they're making a lot of fucking money off this thing. Why? Who's gonna wear it? Hmm? Stinky people. Or is it like stink police?

Go around and get fined? The stink police, they live inside of my head. The stink police, they come to me in my bed. The stink police, they're coming to arrest Ricky, oh no. Remember Cheap Jack? Bubs, do you like pigeons? I'm not, no, I'm not fond of pigeons. What is he walking into with the answer? It's called the deadliest flight, man. I'm not going to lie to you.

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you.

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not, no, I'm not fond of pigeons. What is he walking into with the answer? It's called the deadliest flight man. It's in Taiwan. The deadliest who? They get this big thing, they do it every year. They, holy fuck. More than a million pigeons die while competing in Taiwan's Contra-River Shield Pigeon. Mike Tyson would not be happy. He would be fucking losing. They go way out to sea, right? Let all the fucking pigeons go. Yeah. Whoever makes it back to land wins first.

So the rest of them just drown? That's fucking terrible. They all fucking, yeah, they die. They're just exhausted. They fucking, they die. That's terrible. One percent fucking, only one percent of them fucking actually live. One percent?

One percent. So there's dead birds everywhere. So ten pigeons out of a thousand. live. 1%? 1%. So there's dead birds everywhere. So 10 pigeons out of 1,000. Is that 1%? Yeah, 10% would be 100. So they let go 1,000 pigeons and only 10 of them make it? A million, bud. Oh, a million.

So 1% is, or 10% is 100,000. 1% is 1,000, isn't it? 10,000. Out of a million pigeons, only ten thousand make it? Something like that. That's terrible. It's a multi-billion dollar fucking pigeon race, man. The fucking money they're making.

All right. That's not, you shouldn't put a price on pigeons. All right, give it, okay. It's good for the sharks. You know what? I would do it once. I would gamble, fucking sell my trailer, everything, throw it in on one of these pigeons, make sure it's the one that's going to win.

So that's what they do? They put little numbers on them? Yeah. And they bet on them? Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you get to feel them? Check out their muscles and...

Their what? Measure their heart rate, blood pressure? I don't fucking know what they do. There's a lot of money being fucking won, though. And the thing is, the worst thing is, you let them out, they're all crammed in these little cages. They just fly into each other and knock each other, you know, out and they land in the fucking water.

So it's like a NASCAR race. Yeah. Coming off the start line. If I was a pigeon, I would jump on other pigeons and let them do all the work for a bit and then go to the next one and save your energy. Millions of dead birds. But they probably don't know, Ricky.

Like, they probably don't know they're in a race and they're... Holy fuck. Do they at least point them towards land or... No, man. So it's like... Look at this. Oh, just a... I'm not fucking listening to you.

I'm going to see a bunch of fucking birds dive-bombing into the sea. That's terrible. That's a terrible competition. Oh, it's a big problem, man. What country is this in? Taiwan. Silly bastards. Put them in these containers.

150 kilometers out, man. 150 kilometers? Jesus Christ. Look at that. Oh, that's terrible. Little fuckers. Look, that's a big fucking ship, man. That'd be carrying a million.

Here we go. Whoa. How the fuck do you know where to go? That's terrible. What the fuck is wrong with those people? Look, they're hitting the fucking sea, man. Boom! Yeah, I made it fucking ten feet from the ship.

Can they swim? No. Pigeons must be able to float a little bit like ducks. Maybe they don't die until a shark comes up and eats them. Out of 5,000, 36 came back. Their wings were broken, legs broken. Jesus Christ. And these people don't give a fuck.

Animal cruelty. They should, you know what they should do? Take the organizers out to sea. Yeah, I was just going to say. And fucking fire them in the ocean. Say, okay, boys, we're betting on you. Good luck. You're all numbered.

You're all numbered there, dickweeds. Yeah. Start swimming! That's what I do, that pisses me off. Stupid bastards. Poor little pigeons. I mean, I don't like pigeons, but I wouldn't fucking do that to them. It's like shark cock soup. It's like what?

Shark cock soup. Shark cocks? They pull up the sharks in the water, cut their fucking cocks and fins off, throw them back still alive, and the sharks can't swim and they die. They're cocks. Well, mostly it's about their fins, so I've added on the cocks. But why are they cutting the cocks off? Okay, it's shark fin soup.

They cut the fins off. He just put the cocks in there for dramatic purposes. Oh, yes, because he likes to talk about cocks. Not true. Shark cocks. Shark fin soup, terrible. Yeah, it, because he likes to talk about cocks. Not true. Sure, cocks. Shark fin soup? Terrible. Yeah, it's not.

Fucking thing. Monkey brain sushi? Terrible. Never had that before. Well, no kidding, Ricky. They don't do it over here, but you know what they do in some of those countries?

They take monkeys, they got a table and it's got holes in it. Yeah. You jam the monkey's head up through the thing and you clamp him in. And then you just fucking knock his head open and you eat his brains right out of his head. Fresh.

Jesus Christ. They do it. Wasn't there a movie like that? Hannibal Lecter was doing that to the guy. He ate Ray Liotta's brain. Yeah, he had him cooking his meal while he was eating his brain. But that's just make-believe. They actually do that with the Monkees. What if they did it to the Monkees, the band?

Do what? Hey, hey, we're the Monkees. People try to eat our brains. The Monkees, put the Monkees in the table and knock Davey... The singers. Yeah, knock Davey Jones' head out. What the fuck are you talking about? Man, you're getting crazy. That's Simon singers. Yeah, knock Davey Jones' head open. Pups, what the fuck are you talking about?

Man, you're getting crazy. That sunburn's really... Hey, hey, we're the monkeys. Somebody's eating my brain. You gotta stay out of the sun, man. It's making you crazy. Yeah, man. Don't put them back.

Why? Because your fingers are all fucked. They're, like, grabbing shit, man. My fingers are all fucked. They're like grabbing shit, man. My fingers aren't fucked. There was some weird fucking... Is it called a headline? Yeah. What does that mean?

It means... It's the headline, man. It's the big story. It tells you what the story's about. So it's the head of the lines. It's just the fucking... It's the main line, yes. The headline just the fucking, it's the main line. Yes, the headline.

I never thought of it like that before. It's the headline. Well, he did. See, Ricky's brain sometimes. Aliens may be rearranging stars to fight dark energy. Awesome study suggests. How would you rearrange a star? You just pluck it

from where it is? Well, you wouldn't. It's not true. Not true. Could be. It's a headline. And this is a half bird, half fish in China. He's quite a... He's a weird looking fella.

Let me see him. That's not real. It could be. They just photoshopped a fucking bird's head onto a trout. That's not real. It could be. They just photoshopped a fucking bird's head onto a trout. I thought news was real, Bubz. That's why you're watching this.

Fake news, Ricky, fake news. You must have heard of that. I thought that was fake, though. See? I think it is. The fuck is that, a bird? It's a bird fish, but I don't think it's real. Think they phot shopped it.

Wow, some of these are really fucked. What do you got? Guy in Florida loads car with frozen iguanas. They warm up, come back to life, cause car accident. I read that one. That would suck. Why did he have frozen iguanas was the question. And they came back to life. They thawed out and they came to life and they caused him to crash his car.

Maybe he made that up. It's a good one. Well no, you can do that with score points, right? I might use that sometime. Sorry about it. Fucking had these frozen iguanas and they came back to life. Freaked the fuck out of me. That's why I was driving like a lunatic. Where are they now, sir?

Jumped out the window. Hmm. I haven't followed you for 20 miles. I didn't see any iguanas coming out the window. No, because they can change their skin to look like the air. They can camouflage to anything they are touching. Holy fuck. Believe that's chameleons, sir.

I raise iguanas, and they don't have that capability. Maybe it was chameleons then. I was mistaken, officer. Which ones can you eat? You don't eat either. I got the eating kind. Eating what kind? He was eating chameleons.

If you ate a chameleon, would your stomach disappear? Eating, eating, eating, eating, eating chameleons. Eating, eating, eating, eating, eating chameleons. I wonder what a chameleon tastes like. They taste like fall. They taste like fall. Love won't be easy if you talk a lot, my dream Ah, chameleon.

Remember when Julian used to love Boy George? Yeah. Well, he probably still does. I don't like fucking Boy George. What are you talking about? You used to love Boy George. No, I didn't. You had the gown and the hat and the makeup.

See, now you're fucking, you're totally full of shit. Has anybody heard anything more about these fucking kids trapped in that cave? Last I heard, they fucking got them. They were alive. Yeah. But then they said some shit about they could be trapped in there for months

and then I got drunk again. And that was two to three days ago. They found them and they're alive and now the Navy shields went in and gave them food and a doctor went in and looked after them. And they said they were going to have to teach them how to scuba dive or something? They're a mile or a kilometer

below the surface and two kilometers in. I can't even fathom that. How do you be a kilometer below the surface? They're in a cave, Ricky. That's fucking... So they said they brought them four months worth of food because they could be in there a long time waiting for the water to go down. So we don't know anything more since then?

They need to train the kids how to scuba dive. After this, I'm finding out if they're still in the same... But why couldn't somebody like Elon Musk come to the rescue? Or why can't they just put a big pipe in? A two kilometer pipe. That would take four months. All right.

Well, there's got to be something, like a little, thin, pipe-sized submarine. That's what I was thinking. A little electric device. Couldn't you get a little one-man sub? Throw them in that. One at a time. Navy SEALs, lead them out.

Or some kind of a capsule. It's a two-kilometer swim. Just put them in a fucking, some kind of a capsule, four at a time, that has... Oxygen. Wow. I was having trouble with that one today. I think there's got to be a rich guy like an Elon Musk to go in there and say,

here, I'll build this, or here, take these 50 little mini submarines. If I was rich, I'd get them out. I would too. There's got to be a way to rich, I'd get them out. I would too. There's got to be a way to do it. Maybe they're out. They're not. Fuck. They're not.

I was just looking. Imagine the coach being in there with 12 fucking kids for nine days. 11 years old, nine days standing on a ledge. Why the fuck did he take a bunch of kids down there anyway? I think they went there some little after practice trip. Well, I think they got in. They got in so far, not that far, and then it started to flood, so they started to run. And it just pushed them in that far, I believe.

Thank fuck they're still alive, though. That's unbelievable. Can you imagine being in a fucking cave? Nine days, standing on a ledge, no water. Well, they must have had water. They need to get a fucking think tank of smart people, big bag of great weed, start getting high. How do you know the word think tank?

I've been watching a lot of stuff on smart things. And then they figure this problem out. I'd be in there, because my brain works in ways that I'd come up with something... What would you do, Ricky? Not in the box. If you had all the money up with something... What would you do, Ricky? Not in the box. If you had all the money in the world, how would you get them out? I wish they weren't so far down because you could just tunnel down from up above.

Correct, but they are. How long would that take? A kilometer down. You couldn't use a backhoe for something like that? No, sir. No, not even close. You heard? Use a. No, sir. No, not even close. You heard? It was a backhoe, Ricky.

I'd find a way to drain the fucker. That's got to be the solution. Drain. I'm talking about millions of gallons of fucking water. Oh. And where do you pump it to? It's just going to roll back in. Where the fuck is this taking?

Where does this happen? Thailand. Thailand. I think we should go over there and get to the bottom of this. Maybe they're okay now. But somebody's gotta be smart enough to come up

with a fucking better plan than Elon Musk. He's probably too busy with his rock and his shit. He's got one of those big drill fucking things, doesn't he? He's got the boring company.

He could maybe drill down on an angle. How long would it take, though? I don't know. Let's call him. How do you... Just Google Elon Musk's cell phone number. See if it's on the internet. It's got to be some kind of fucking capsule. God damn it. I'm pissed off about this whole thing. People think we're so smart and then you get this little problem and no one can fucking figure it out.

That's right. They put people on the moon. Fucking terrified little fuckers and no one can see it. Okay. It's bullshit. Elon Musk's cell phone number. All right. Elon Musk's cell phone number? Yeah, try this. 1-800.

Yeah, I'm sure it's the 1-800 number. Yeah, 1-800 Elon Musk. Well, no, it says to call it. Is this the boring company or? No, he did something. This is like something he set up. Let's call it up, boys says to call it. Is this the boring company or...? No, he did something. This is, like, something he set up. Let's call it up, boys. 1-800... All right.

We're not calling Elon Musk. No, it's a fucking... Why not? Because we're not gonna get him. Well, he leaves a message or something, man. It's kind of like a little joke kind of thing, I think. 800-610-8040. Here we go, Elon.

Who are you calling? Elon Musk. Yep. There's no way you're going to get him. What the fuck's going on here? What do you got, Ricky? This is on how to escape a cave. At last you are here.

I have killed the Hydra myself, ripped the head off Medusa's shoulders, even killed a god of Olympus, but I have never seen such skill and strength as yours. You have conquered God mode. The time and dedication you put into reaching this point is worthy of celebration and reward.

Sadly, what can I offer one such as you? The keys to Olympus itself. What the fuck is that? Don't know, man. Man, you've called weird numbers. Here, come with me.

I think it's a gay saxophone. Could be, he just said come with me. When I first made my way to the court of Olympus, I noticed this... What the fuck are you calling, man? ...impenetrable to all except me. Even Lord Seuss is unaware of, man? All right. All right, is that enough? Yes, I don't want to listen.

They said he accidentally threw his number online, and now when you call it, that's what comes up. Terrible. Waste of fucking time. I bet you just got charged 40 bucks. Yeah, that's how he made all his money. Tricking suckers.

Tricking sucker MCs. All right, that was exciting. What do you got, Ricky? This is about brieing. What? It's a bunch of women that are fucking... Brieing? Drinking wine and eating cheese.

Brieing is the new cheese and MDMA drug craze. Middle class women are trying. I think we might have talked about that already, didn't we? No. I don't fucking know. There's a new trend called Bree-ing that involves groups of people, usually women, having a big cheese party and taking MDMA. What the fuck is that all about?

What would Bree be like if you were on MDMA? Would it feel like a... I bet it would taste extra creamy. It would taste like a gooey god. It would be good. Really good. That's a good band name, the Gooey Gods. Yeah. I don't want to go to a fucking cheese and MDMA party.

Might get banged. I don't want to get banged at a cheese and MDMA party. Why not? Because I'd rather go to the Rotary Club. What if the cryo-geniously froze the kids? Like Han Solo and Bob fucking Harris. Yeah, they're going to bring all that equipment down. No.

Not gonna happen. You mean freeze them in carbonite. Is that what it is? That's what Han Solo was in. It worked. Whatever it was. Ricky. There's gotta be a way. I'm gonna fucking figure this out before I go to bed tonight. Hmm.

I'll be back to you with some answers on this one. I'm gonna need the right buzz on, though, boys. Did you guys see this little fella playing the fucking ukulele? No. Playing classical gas on the ukulele? Holy fuck. Wait till you see this guy. Yeah, I saw him. He's good. He's only,

uh... I'm not sure that it's real, though. No, it's real, Ricky. I watched his fingers. If it's real, he. I watched his fingers. Yeah. If it's real, he's good. Watch him. Oh, for fuck's sakes. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's unbelievable. His strumming hand is amazing. Little guy, just giving her. Jesus. Why? This fucking poor guy, man. I mean, I know you haven't been on many dates and stuff, but you've been on more dates than this dude.

I've been on quite a few. This guy is from China. He asked 80,000 women in eight fucking years, guess how many dates? 20. Zero. Zero fucking dates. He's getting bashed now, like they did a story on him.

How could you ask how many women? 80,000 in how many years? That's 10,000? 80,000. That's 10,000 a year, man. That's 10,000 a year. 10,000 divided by 365 is what? What's 10,000 divided by 365?

Calculator. 10,000 divided by 365. He asked out for $365. He asked out 27 women a day. Yep. Who? This dude, man.

27 women a day he asked out for 8 years, 10 years. 10, no, 8 years, 80,000 women. Did anyone say yes? None. Wow. And now he's getting bashed. He's going on social media saying, Dude, you know what your problem is?

You're short, you're ugly, and you've got no money. Yeah, but even still. Well, that's what they're saying, man. Who's he asking out? Maybe he's shooting, maybe he's punching a button. There's supposed to be somebody for everybody out there. Well... Maybe he should get on plenty of fish.

What's that about? Or Tinder. Maybe he should get on the Tinder. Is that where you swipe some direction? Yeah. This guy is hurt, man, to find a woman. Like, big time. I read more about the fucking guy with the iguanas.

Yeah? It's not what I thought. I guess iguanas are a delicacy and parts of central... Chameleons, they taste like chicken. I just read that. Okay. Well, there was some cold temperatures in Florida, and the fucking thing started freezing and falling on the trees.

Yes, yes. So he gathered them up, thought he was going to have a big delicious barbecue, threw them in his car like he was stocking up, filled the fucking back seat, and they started warming up and coming back to life and running around in the car. What? Idiot. So he didn't actually freeze them.

So he's an idiot is what basically that story's about. Well, you know what, if I saw a frozen fucking turkey or a cow, a bunch of them laying on the road, I might stock up too. I wouldn't expect them to come back to life. What the fuck is going on there now? It's a fly. A frozen cow on the side of the road. You'd fire him in the car, would you?

Well, I wouldn't think he'd come back to life is my point. How would you lift him? You'd have to get flagged people down. My point is, you know, he looked at these little iguanas and went, holy fuck, it's like a little lobster. Tasty. I'm going to stock up. They're free and they're frozen.

They fucked him over good. And he crashed his car? I wish I could have been one of those iguanas. See the look on his face? Holy fuck. You wish that you were a frozen iguana? I would. I'm glad you want to be a frozen.

Fuck, man. What else we have here, boys? I don't know, man. I'm just too fucked to do any of that, man. Well, let's go drinking then. All right. We're going to solve problems. I still have a fantastic buzz on. I'm starting to...

That's it. I'm done. I didn't think I could drink today, but I was wrong. Here's what we should do, boys. Okay, what are we doing? Let's go. I didn't want to tell you this, but I think I should just tell you now. We already know. It's Bastion Box playing in town.

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Nope. How long is he going to be here for? I've already set it all up. We're going. When? When? Soon.

Tonight? Yeah. Oh, man. I'm When? Soon. Tonight? Yeah. All right. I don't have the energy in me to fucking deal with Sebastian. Drink up. We got to get some energy. Come on. All right.

Let's do it. Ricky was a young boy. He had a heart of stone. He's a fucking gong show, boys. Yeah. Okay, say goodbye. Killer. Dude.

That sounds like him. That's pretty good, man. That sounds like him, Ricky. That's a good impression. All right, this is going to be a fun night. I'm fucking pumped now. All right, we're just going gonna feed him the fucking dough. What about the boys in the cave?

Alright, thanks for that. See you later, bud. The chickens are staying home. you're not taking those out. Why'd you call them bud?