Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 152 - Twococks Shakur

Episode Date: July 16, 2018

Happy Friday - the podcast is GREASY as f**k today! The Boys argue about the existence of Batman, vaginas and the things we put in them, and whether sucking your own cock is worth it. What are they smoking today??! Episode 152 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!  

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. What's the date? I don't know. What do you mean, what's the date? Where's the birthday? I don't know. What do you mean, what's the date? Where's the birthday? I left my birthdays, did I? I'll give you a hint. It's the day before July Valentine's Day.

What? What the fuck is July Valentine's Day? Valentine's in July. You never had that before? No? Valentine's in July. You never had that before? No. Valentine's in July. Yeah. Six months after the other Valentine's, so you get two a year. Who the fuck started that bullshit?

Maybe Lucy did. I don't know. Well, it's not real, man. So it's July 12th? Nope. Valentine's Day is on what day of the year, sir? February 14th. 14th. So the day before the 14th would be?

Oh, I thought you said two days before. The day before. So it's July the 13th, is it? Correct, sir. July the 13th. Want to get this going or what? Yes. It's going.

Well... Quiet on the set. Oh, yeah. It's official. Quiet on the sack. Oh, yeah. It's official. Officially underway. All right, what's going on, fuckers? It's official. Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you right now.

It's fucking July 13th. That's right, you yellow-bellied... Don't fucking call me yellow-bellied. I probably can't. Is that one of the things you can't say anymore? You can say yellow-bellied. I was just saying yellow Is that one of the things you can't say anymore? You can say Yellow Belly. I was just saying Yellow Belly because my little dino's got a yellow belly. But is that one of the... Is it a bad thing to say?

Yeah, I don't know. No, I think it just means fucking your chicken. You're afraid. Yellow Belly came from two places. If you were from Lincolnshire, England, you were called a Yellow Belly. Why? And back in the Old West, you were called yellow-bellied if you had liver problems and you were jaundiced. So Julian's going to be a yellow-bellied, so it fits.

Julian is probably going to be a yellow-bellied sap sucker. Yeah. Can you say that? Yes. Oh, you can't say that to me because that's not going to happen. Sap sucker's not. Sapsucker. Yeah. Can you say that? Yes. Oh, you can't say that to me because that's not going to happen. Sapsucker's not. The etymology of that is not fucked, I can't imagine, Ricky. I wish somebody would write a fucking book, like an easy read book with pictures that basically just says, this is what you can't fucking say anymore because it's confusing.

There is a book out. What's it called? Political Crackness for Dummies. I need one. Not that I'm a dummy. Fuck's sakes. As far as I'm a fucking dummy, I just don't want to offend anybody.

I acquired 750s through 60 of these fucking little pool games. I got to figure out how I'm going to get rid of them. I got a question. Which one of you fucking assholes stole my Dino green? What? What?

I can't find the right green to finish my fucking dino Dino. Coloring. Dino the dino. Yeah, where's this fucking green? It's not here. Oh, you must have lost it. I didn't fucking lose it. All the other fucking markers are here except that one.

Julian. What? You probably smoked it. I wouldn't smoke that. Why would I take your fucking marker, Ricky? Just to fuck with me and be a dick. Yellow-bellied sop sucker. You keep that up.

Did you ever have one of these in your face? Huh? Oh, my goodness. What a threat. Oh, boy, so you know what? I'm starting to fucking come around. That two-day party after the little cave rescue was a doozy. The cave rescue.

They pulled it off. What, they got them out? Thai Navy SEALs. They got them out? Yeah, man. A couple days ago now. All 12 kids plus the coach. Elon Musk showed up with a fucking one-man submarine that I'm sure he stole my idea, but it doesn't matter.

He built it out of rocket parts, flew it to Thailand. They didn't end up using the fucking thing, but still. I wonder if he heard us talking about it. He was like, fuck, maybe I should do something. I guarantee he did. Think it's a coincidence that, obviously, you're saying, you know what, I bet you Elon Musk could fix the situation.

Next day, he's building a fucking one-man sub out of rocket parts. Good job, buddy, changing the world. Yes, sir. How does it look? Oh, it's amazing. Or is it all fucked over? No, it's put together. No, it's insane. It looks like a missile. Looks like a missile. Okay, so what was he

going to do with it? He was going to put kids in it, put a kid in it. I thought it was a one-man or... It was, so he'd put a kid in it and then they would guide him out of the cave inside the tube. It had oxygen. It had oxygen. It even had a little place to hook up a phone so they could play music because he thought if you could play nice, soothing music, it might keep them from freaking out inside the...

He's a smart customer. Thought of everything. It ended up they, you know, they were already underway and they had a system and they didn't end up using his rocket tube. So what did he do? Did he take it back or...? No, he left it there and he said, -"If you can use this in the future, it's yours." -"So he left it...

Oh, man. You know how much money they can make off that fucking thing? Should've started selling them. No, do a little tour. Throw someone in, bring them through the fucking cave. This is where they were. I'm not sure you can see out of it. I don't think they're gonna be giving tours

of where people were trapped. I'm guaranteed people pay $1,500, $1,600 to do that. Not me, man. After I heard about all that bat shit, you can get diseases. What's it called? Bat lung disease or some shit? Shit disease. It's not good to breathe in.

Bat shit. It's not good to breathe in any type of shit, just for the record. Just so you're aware. But bat shit's very toxic. It's called guano. It's good for fertilizer, but not much good for lungs. Remember Ace Ventura? Don't smoke it. Remember Ace Ventura?

The whole plot revolved around guano. Yeah, I remember that. Remember when we smoked that rat shit and we thought it was hash? Yeah, that was your fault. That was you, Ricky. I didn't smoke any of that. That was disgusting.

Does Batman shit guano, do you think? Batman? Yeah. Pups. He might. He doesn't. He's no such thing as Batman. Oh, really?

Yeah, okay. Boys, don't fucking get into this with me. Are you kidding me? Yeah, Batman's not real. Okay, bud. Pups, he's a fucking character. He's a superhero, isn't he? He's a real character, though.

It says based on a true story. You guys are fucked. It doesn't say that. Batman is not real. The character is. He's a fictional character. He's a real fictional character. When we saw the movie, it said based on the books or something of some other guy or based on the...

So it's based on something real. Not that... No, Ricky. Okay. You don't have any fucking dino green. Anyway, let's have a toast to the Thai Navy SEALs.

Another one? And the poor guy, one of the guys died. Yeah, that sucks. Oh, no way. One of the Navy SEALs died. He was bringing oxygen to the kids and he ran out of oxygen himself. Gave his fucking life to the SEALs, the kids, and the coach.

Hero, man. That's a hero right there. And the coach, the fucking coach. Yeah. I was reading about him. He's quite a fella, too. He gave all the food they had to the kids. He didn't eat a fucking thing for nine days, because he gave it to the kids.

Taught them how to mediate or something, too, which I guess is good. Meditate, Ricky. Okay, well, you changed your tune about this guy before you were saying, what kind of a fucking crazy asshole are you? No, but then I read about what happened. It wasn't his fault. You were dissing the shit out of him. It wasn't his fault they ended up in there. No, I wasn't dissing him.

I was just saying, what the fuck did he do? What is a meditate? How do you teach it? Meditation, Ricky. you never heard of that? Heard of it, what is it though? You just sort of, you breathe a certain way and you calm right down and you say a mantra. What's that?

Over and over, it's just a thing you say over and over and it puts you into a zen kind of state. You would probably be right into it. Yeah, totally. It's like you can get baked without smoking anything. It's like when you get baked and you're so fucking body stoned, you're just laying on the ground looking up at the clouds.

You're meditating. Sam alert. That's a form of meditation. So if I did a mandala, I would just be like, I'm so fucking high. I'm so fucking high. This is fucking awesome. That's kind of like a mantra, Ricky.

I'm going to try it. I can meditate. Have you ever heard anybody do this? That's fucking awesome. That's kind of like a mantra, Ricky. I'm gonna try it, I'd commit as, see? Have you ever heard anybody do this? Om. Yeah, it's weird. That's in the movies, man. No, that's a real thing. They look weird when they do that.

They say om, om is a, om? Om is an actual meditation word. Om. What about the Beatles song? Jaggeroo Deva. Om. Alright.

Alright, man. Where do you think that comes from? It doesn't have to do with a speaker or something. It's not electrical omes. Resistance fucking omes. Stupid cocksucker. It's meditation omes. Fuck you, man.

You, why don't you meditate on my nuts? Why don't you put my nuts in your mouth? Fuck you. Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like to have your nuts in my mouth, wouldn't you? Yes, I would. That's fine. Because I'd take a picture of you and then piss on you.

Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? I don't want my nuts in your mouth. Well, yeah, well, stop saying it then. Well, stop fantasizing about it. You guys ever do yoga together? No. What the fuck would I be doing yoga for?

Doing yoga would be funny. Yep. You kind of did yoga once the time you tried to get your own bird in your mouth. Fuck you, man. That was kind of like yoga. Go fuck yourself. Can you do a handstand or a headstand or any of that stuff?

A headstand? I used to be able to do handstands, yeah. It's not like I'm fucking doing handstands these days. Fucking Jesus Christ. Remember when he tried to put his own bird in his mouth? He was doing yoga then, wasn't he? You know how people always say that's used? If I could fucking do that, I'd never leave the house?

Yeah. Think about that. What do you want? Your fucking dick in your mouth. No, man. I don't even want to put my finger in my fucking mouth. Is it much different than the dick in your hand? Yes, man.

You've got it in your fucking mouth. You're tasting yourself. It's fucking gross. What's the difference between licking the back of your hand and licking your wiener? Are you fucking kidding me? Well, what's the difference? Because one's your hand and one's your dick. I'm not advocating for it.

I'm just trying to have a discussion. Because you'd probably try. I'm just trying to have a discussion. Because you'd probably try. I'm just trying to have a discussion. It's your own parts. It should be clean. What about somebody that can suck on their own toes? It's fucking gross. It's really no different than licking your finger.

Look. See? Same thing. You're tasting yourself. Yeah, but it's freaky. It's your fucking, it's your junk in your mouth. And then if you end up, you know, getting it going, then that's a whole other fucking story.

I don't even want to get into that. Well, is it any different than togging on it? Yeah, because you've got shit going down your throat, man. Are you kidding me? You don't have to finish it off. Well, why would you start i'm just trying to have a debate i don't care either way because mine's not going anywhere near anything too bad don't know what you're missing bud they say pineapple juice don't know

what you're missing by sucking your own bird? No. You said around anything. He said you don't know what you're missing. That means he finally did it. No, I'm just saying you don't want to go,

you know, get some answers. He finally reached. Oh, man. See, you're fucking trying to turn this around. Well, there's no right or wrong answers,

I guess, on this one. But if you could come up with a machine that made it possible, I bet you would sell a lot of them. What kind of a machine, Ricky? It would be like a... A folding machine.

A body folder. A fucking hydraulic backbreaker. You just snap it in half. It could be done very easily with hydraulics, but I don't know that you'd live through it. Well, something that would train you would be gradual. It might take a few weeks to get there. People do say that.

If I could suck my own bird, I'd never leave the house. I know. Are you kidding me? So those people would buy one. But Brian Posehn, you know, the comedian, he said, well, if I could suck my own bird, I would definitely leave the house because I'd be heading to a psychiatrist to ask him, why in the fuck am I sucking my own bird?

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. See, that's not how he was thinking. He's a funny bastard, Brian Pocine. All right, what do we got? Do we got anything good to talk about? We just did talk about... We could talk about who got born on July 13th. Wasn't that that movie with Tom Cruise in it?

13th of July? No, Ricky, born on the 4th of July. Oh yeah, fuck, that's right. Julius Caesar, Caesar salad inventor. What? He was got born on July 13th. Julius Caesar did not invent the Caesar salad, bud. Why the fuck do you think it's called a Caesar salad, bud?

Hmm. 100... So who was his... He was born in... Who did he hang out with, Jimmy Croutons? He was born in BC, I didn't know that. Was Jimmy Croutons his best buddy? Could have been, or...

Asiago cheese. Tommy Bacon bit? He's a fucking badass. Mikey Mayo? There's no mayo in a Caesar salad, you stupid bastard. I don't know. Ernie Eggs? That's potato salad, isn't it?

Or maybe a hand or two. There's mayonnaise in potato salad, isn't there? I don't fucking know. I don't eat it. There's no mayonnaise in a Caesar salad. It looks like it. I don't even eat Caesar salads, Okay, Gary girl. Let's talk Who Gary garlic cock, I don't know how we doing this how does it work the rhyme thing?

for the name making Ricky what? Talking about my name. How did we smoke? I don't know, man. What are we talking about? Are we talking about... Different friends of the Caesar salad gang. Gary Garlic Cock. Gary Garlic Cock hangs out with Jimmy Crouton.

They take over the whole fucking city. I smell. Patrick Stewart. Who, John? Wasn't he fucking John Luke... Pickard. Pickard. Pickard.

Oh, that's weird. He was actually born... Both of them were born today. Who? Patrick Stewart was born in 1940, and Jean-Luc Picard was born in 2305, on July 13th. That's kind of a weird coincidence. What?

Oh, man, Julian, prepare to have your penis tingle. Harrison Ford. Fuck off. Han Solo. You're the Han Solo fucking fan. Yeah, I don't get it rack Fuck off. Han Solo. You're the Han Solo fucking fan. Yeah, I don't get a rack, though. And the other one, man. Indiana Jones.

Mmm. You used to dress up like him. I didn't dress up like him. I had a whip and a hat. And you thought you were Indiana Jones, man. I did not. I had a nice whip, though. Erno Rubik.

Oh, the Rubik's Cube inventor. I heard that he got fucked. I hate when people do something awesome and get fucked. What happened to him? Did they steal his Rubik's Cube idea? Somebody fucked him over. Some toy company. Yes, they made way more than he did off of it. Well, that makes him dumb, then. I think it was Mattel, wasn't it?

Mattel made the ropes cute. I don't know that for sure. Holy shit, we are getting more hired by the hour today. It's Cheech's birthday. Oh. That must be why we're so banged up. Cheech Marin's birthday? How old would that fellow be now?

He was born in 46, so try to do the math on that one. We're so banged up. Cheech Marin's birthday? Yeah. How old would that fella be now? He was born in 46, so try to do the math on that one. 46, he's... 46? 54 plus 18. He's 72. He's 72. 72? He can't be 72, is he?

He's 72, man. 46, 56, 66. Still an animal, I hear. 86, 86, 96, 06, 16. Yeah, 56, 66. Still an animal, I hear. 86, 96, 06, 16. Yeah, he's 72. Yeah, no shit. Speaking of animals, Mark the Animal Mendoza. Glickman.

Who's that? Bassist, Twisted Sister. We're not going to take it. Born in Long Island, New York. Sing it, Rick. Remember you used to dress up as Twisted Sister? We just won't stop taking it. No, no, it's we're the little ones. No, fuck. You remember you used to dress up as Twisted Sister? We just won't stop taking it. No, no, it's we're the good ones.

No, fuck, how does it go? We're gonna not take it. No, we're gonna not take it. We're gonna not take it no fucking more. We're gonna not take it. We're gonna not take it. We're gonna not take it. We're gonna not take it. We're gonna not take it anymore.

It's so fucking wrong. Ricky. Cameron Crowe. No. Jerry Maguire, Fast Times at the Ridgemount. Oh, that was a nice one. Jeff Spicoli. Fucking love Sp nice one. Jeff Spicoli. Fucking love Spicoli.

Jeff Spicoli. He ordered a pizza to his classroom. Yeah, that was pretty cool. And then he had to split it with Mr. Hand. Bam's father, Phil, was born today. Bam Jam Jarrah? Mam Jarrah? Bam. Yes, that guy. Majerra.

Bam's, Bam. Majerra? Majerra, isn't it? Don't know. Deborah Cox. Debbie Cox. R&B. Who's she now?

Canadian R&B singer. Yeah, that's what I said. Debbie Cox. All right. I wonder if she's related to Dewey Cox. I don't know, but you gotta wonder with those last names. Does it affect your life? It's C-O-X, Ricky. Still, you know, when you hear it.

Like when I hear Debbie Cox, I'm like, okay, is that her last name or is that her nickname? She's, you know. Ricky. Same as Dewey Cox. Well, there was a- It's like, okay, Dewey Cox. Was he Dewey Cox? There was a Terry Cox. Was he Dewey the Cox?

That went to school with us. He, you know- Terry Cox? That's Terry. No, that's Terry Fox. He was a Canadian. No, I'm not talking about Terry Fox. I'm talking about Terry Cox from fucking grade nine.

And what was his deal? Ah, people just... He had an artificial penis. No, his last name was C-O-X, but he still got a... He had a hard time. People were fucking making, you know, saying he was a cock. Well, if your name was like... Felt bad for the guy.

If your name, first name was Big or something, I could see it being a problem, but... No, because they'd say, hey, Cock, get the fuck over here. Well, Cock is different. That's not Cox. Well, people would change it up because they'd say, you know, make it funnier. Hey, Cox. I'd be like, does that guy have two cocks? Or what do they call them, Cox?

Is that his nickname? They could call him Two Cox. Two Cox Shakur. Holy fuck, boys. This stuff is... They could just ramble on about shit. Just get buzzed on. We're treading water in a sea of...

So there was quite a bust the other day that made me laugh. This is why I wish I had a vagina. I like where this is going. Yeah. Well, one of the many reasons. This Wisconsin woman, Desiree Webster, 20, she was arrested, and you'll like this, Julian, in a Monte Carlo.

What year? 97. Not great, but not bad. She had 82 grams of drugs in her vagina. 82 grams. So I did some investigating, and I got the breakdown, because it just said drugs. All right.

37 grams cocaine, 15 grams meth, 24 grams synthetic weed. Fucking synthetic weed. People that sell synthetic weed fucking piss me off. I hate that shit. Six ecstasy pills and two grams of weed. Just a little bit of weed. Which is probably what the dog started sniffing around her unit.

Mm-hmm. So they knew some shit must be up the cave. So she had a pharmacy up there, basically. Yeah, quite a pharmacy indeed. She had a whole party. That is a fucking, that's one hell of a party. It must have been in bags, would it be? Yeah, and they said if the bags would have popped,

she would have died. Well, thank God she didn't try to run away when they were in the restaurant. I don't think you could just put loose cocaine in there, powdered cocaine. It wouldn't come out the same way, that's for sure. No. It'd be a gooey mess. What?

Just, just sorry. That's what I, you know, it wouldn't be nice. A gooey mess? You'd be like a paste. A cocaine vag paste. Yeah, if it was up there, you know. Speaking of vagis, and we were, here's a new story from the mirror, the Daily Mirror. What is that?

A woman gets kinder eggs stuck in her vagina after romantic proposal goes horribly wrong. What? Good idea, though. Is that what he did? He put the wedding ring in a kinder egg? I'm guessing. But how did he sneak it in there?

Former doctors shared a shocking story of a proposal going horribly wrong. Saw a woman end up in hospital after getting a kinder egg stuck inside her vagina. Okay, I need more details. I do too, but it's not loading. Son of a bitch. For fuck's sakes. Oh, it's making me take a survey, fuck off. There we go.

Oh look, and they got a cute little picture. It says SOS in front of her vagina. Like as if her vagina wrote that and sent it or the kinder egg did okay so what happens yeah what happened what proposals are a big deal there's a ring to be bought lots of planning involved and of course the pre-proposal jitters will they say yes blah blah um timing can be messed up the story of a woman who wanted to give her boyfriend a kinder surprise has been oh she put it up there okay so she was what well that makes sense because how would he put it up there and trick her he wouldn't be able to. It could be easily done.

Nassau de Mont is a bizarre story. The woman, who for obvious reasons remains anonymous, is said to have decided to take advantage of the leap year tradition that sees women propose to their partners on February 29th. For her romantic proposal, she chose to buy an engagement ring, put it inside a kinder egg, and then insert it into her vagina. Wow.

Wowzers. Yikers. That is a weird one. The plan was simple. She would suggest some finger work to her partner. He would discover it, retrieve it, and then she would drop down on one knee. Okay, so she's proposing to the husband or just, what's happening?

She's trying to propose to her boyfriend on February 29th leap year. Okay. Puts a ring in a Kinder egg. Yep. Jams the Kinder egg in the old part. Yep. Then she's gonna coax him to do some finger work

and when he finds the thing in there, he's gonna pull it out and go, oh my God, there's a ring in here. She's gonna get in her knee and say, hey, will you marry me? So instead, he finger blasted right through the egg. Is that what happened? And there was probably like a chocolate pudding kind of effect. And the ring stuck, and oh, fuck.

I didn't say he finger blasted through the egg. Well, she kind of did in the story. Well, just wait now. The egg had been inserted vertically, but later it turned horizontal. Oh, shit. No amount of shoogling from either of them would get this particular goose to lay her golden egg. Shoogling? Shoogling is the word.

I don't know. He added, remarkably, she was so keen to maintain the surprise, she wouldn't tell him what she'd done or why. That's the end of the story. Wow. So I don't think he finger blasted through the side of the egg. No, he just couldn't. It was a breach.

They couldn't shugal it out. Did he say yes? They should have been using a shoe. They should have, I don't know. I don't think that it was a shoe. No, but did it happen? Did he say yes? It doesn't say.

Oh, well, what the fuck? Well, it's not about whether they got married. It should have been. It's about the Kinder Egg being stopped. Because, I mean, if a girl did that for you and went through all that trouble, you'd be like, fuck yeah, I'm married. They should have got some mini tongs, put felt over them, and yeah. You'd think, yeah, that they could have busted the egg

so that it collapsed in on itself, and then she could just... Do some aerobics, get some fucking body heat going. They're not very experienced. That's the problem. Fuck. If they had crushed the egg, she could probably just kegel it right out of there. Bubbs, chocolate melts, okay?

You get the body temperature up, do some aerobics, get on a bike or something. Yeah, that's another idea. Hit the fucking sauna and just, you know. She probably didn't want the ring to just come out in a, you know, a blob of... Trippy. Trippy chocolate. Kind of.

Chocolate. With goo. Hey, why not? Hey. Don't. Well, we don't know if there's a happy ending. That's okay. Oh, fuck.

I'll tell you a happy ending. Did you guys hear about the rhino poachers? No. Fucking bunch of lions killed them. Okay. I love it. Well, good. I think it's fucking great.

I wish you could. So maybe you could train lions to do that. Protect the rhinos. They were out there trying to poach lions, were they? Trying to poach rhinos, and the lions fucking mauled them to death. Well, that's because lions are big kitties, and they're protecting their buddies. Probably saw all the guns and shit and said, fuck you guys. Fuck you, dickheads and the kitties.

Fuck, that made me happy. Lions are the biggest kitties known to man. Fucking poach and cock suck fuck you guys. Fuck you, decades and the kitties. Fuck that made me happy. Lions are the biggest kitties known to man. Fucking poach and cock suckers. Fuck. Alright, bubs, tell me what you think about this. This kitty has 1.2 followers on social media, wherever the fuck it is.

How can you have 1.2 followers? Look at that. What do you think of that cat? He's gorgeous. That's Photoshop. How do you have 1.2 followers? 1.2 million. Oh, you think of that cat? He's gorgeous. That's Photoshop. How do you have 1.2 followers? 1.2 million. Oh, you didn't say million. Oh, fuck, sorry. 1.2 million.

That's Photoshop. Well, that's because he's gorgeous. She's a gorgeous kitty. Yeah, Photoshop fucking eyes. Look at those eyes. Yeah, they're not real. Are you attracted to this cat? I'm not attracted to it. If there was a cat that you would be attracted to, would it be this one?

If I was a kitty, I would be hanging out with that kitty. Cat looks like a snob. That cat's not a snob. There's no such thing as a snobby kitty. Ricky? Snobby people. Here's a story for you, boys. The Chinese, they finally did it, man.

They invented a laser assault rifle that can burn human skin from a half a mile away. Ooh. Fuck me. Fucking scary. It wouldn't be good for your eyes. Look at that fucking thing. Jesus Christ. Ouchy.

It's not going to kill you, but they said if you went like... You could fucking chop somebody in half. So it's like Star Wars shit. Ooh, it's like a... Yeah, it's like a fucking... It's like a fucking laser gun. Fucking phaser gun.

Can you order them yet? No, not yet. They are first gonna go to the who are they going to would it melt through a vault? Hmm? Oh fuck. Yeah Not buying these guns to try to rob a bank melt the ball. This camera doesn't work by the it's going to the Chinese armed police for first they're gonna fucking you know, if there's like a hostage, they're going to be like a mile away or whatever. Gun in the guy's hand. Just saw his hand off with the laser. Wherever you point this camera and click, it takes a picture of a dog.

It's a television. That's not even, that's not a camera. No, point it anywhere. How would you think that that's a camera? Because it clicks. Ricky. It's not a camera. No, point it anywhere. How would you think that that's a camera? Because it clicks. Ricky. See? I bet it's a dog.

I bet it's a dog. It is, Ricky, but it's not a camera. It's got pictures inside of it. Fuck off. How would that work? A camera. Why would you fucking think that that's a camera? What else the fuck do you hold up to your eye and press a button?

It looks like something you'd find in a fucking Happy Meal or something. It's not a camera. What else do you hold up to your eye and press a button? He's got a point. Julian, here's a headline. Best man left bleeding after being hit in the head by a flying dildo. Jesus. Somebody fired a dildo. Jesus. Somebody fired a dildo at the best man at a wedding.

What was it made out of? Like fucking metal? It says, and wait until you hear where it came from. Oh, I can't wait. I don't have the whole story. I just have the head nods. Oh, for fuck's sakes. Here's another dildo story.

I was bashed with a dildo by a man in a leather mask. Dot, dot, dot. And he killed my dog. What the fuck? With the dildo? I don't know. I don't have the stories. I just have the headlines. Good headlines, bubs. Well, there's some weird ones here.

Hey, you like Evel Knievel, right? Fuck yeah. Hey, just wait. One more, Ricky. Okay, good. Listen to this one. Drunken student is locked up and fined for calling a police horse gay. What? How many times have you told the police on their horses that their horses were gay? That was a long time ago. A student was made to spend the night in a police cell for repeatedly calling an officer's horse gay.

How could they charge him with that? How does he know the horse wasn't gay? Yeah, it might not have been, like, freedom of speech. I'm sure he charged him for being a drunken asshole. Yeah, can't be for the gay talk. He was arrested and fined 80 pounds for causing harassment, harm, or distress. The English

student asked one officer if his horse was gay, and despite police warnings, continued to make comments about the animal's sexuality. I like this guy. Okay. That's it? That's it. Anyway, this, you know Travis Pastrana?

He's in the X Games and shit. He did three of fucking Knievel's jumps. Yeah, one day. Yeah. One evening. I watched that. Three of them, man. It's fucking crazy. Which jumps?

Oh, fuck. He did the fucking fountain. The big one. He did the buses. And he did the fucking car stock three high. Yeah. Yeah yeah but okay that's fine and dandy but I'll just tell you

right now if evil had the fucking equipment that he had hey hey okay it was a bit better than the bike he had

but it was still a fucking it was still a bike it was an Indian motorcycle it was an Indian motorcycle It was an Indian Not a Harley But it was fucking Oh he didn't do it

On a modern bike No man No Okay well that Fucking Ricky He did But the guy was good enough To say hey

The technology is better Than what Evil had But still Yeah he wasn't fucking around He didn't jump it On Evil's bike No but I mean if he had Jump jump it on Evil's bike. No, but... I mean, if he had jumped it on the same bike as Evil...

That's a good idea. If they still had one of his bikes kicking around... His bikes are mangled. Yeah, but he must have some bikes that are in museums they could have taken out. I'm sure there's bikes that... Tweaked her up? That's what somebody should do.

They should put on the suit, the bloody ripped suit, get on this fucking evil bike, and then do it. Then I would believe it. And still, I still don't think you got the balls that evil had. All right, so fuck,

sorry I brought that up. I thought you'd be happy, but Jesus. Jesus! What the fuck was that? That was a weird little... You're good, you're good. Ricky, I don't, this is why I don't like you liking these this. Jesus! What the fuck was that? That was a weird little... You're good, you're good. Ricky, I don't...

This is why I don't like you lighting these things. All right, let's put them out. No, Ricky! Don't put the boat on the table. Ricky! That's hot. Okay, here we go. We're gonna have a fire, everybody.

It's not a big deal. Everybody calm the fuck down. We're gonna have a fire, everybody. All right, we're good. Let's put them out by dumping them on the table of highly flammable items. I don't like these things right now. Blow them out.

There. Worked. All right. Why did you light those in the first place? I felt like celebrating some shit. Oh, and if it's your birthday today, go fishing. Because the Florida man, he went fishing on his birthday. He reeled in a big bag of weed.

Okay, so everybody go fishing. Yeah. Wow. How big is a bag of weed? A bale. A bale of weed. Yeah, that's a good catch. Better than any fucking fish.

I suppose. Was it still good, man? Was it wrapped up? I hope he didn't fucking catch and release. Ricky. Come on. I don't think he would. I bet he was some nerd that went to the cops, though.

Yeah, got the weed one. Actually, he must have. It wouldn't be in the fucking news. What a dumbass. He should have kept it. Yeah, he should have kept it. Fuck's sakes. Well, I think that's all I've got here, boys. Let's go get some more booze. It's fucking it. Fuck's sakes. Well, I think that's all I got here, boys.

That's it, boys. Let's go get some more booze. It's fucking summer. Let's go drinking. We can talk about Jabba the Hedgehog next week, I guess. Who's that now? Little fucking fat hedgehog. He's overweight. He can't curl into a ball anymore, so he's got to go on a diet. Pretty funny. He was making me laugh when I was baked. He's like three times the weight of a normal hedgehog.

He's so fucking fat. Why is he so fat? I guess because they named him Jabba and wanted to get him fat. I don't know, but. So he can't roll into a ball? No, he's fucked. He's just a blob.

He's a blob hog. Yeah, a hedge blob. He's a hedge blob. They should have named him Randy. Yeah, totally hedge blob. He's a hedge blob. They should have named him Randy. Yeah, totally. Jabba the Hedge Blob. Jabba the Hedge Blob.

Why do they curl into a ball? Protection. I wish. Okay. Same reason you curl into a ball when people are trying to boot fuck you. Hmm. Meditating. Okay, we gotta get him out of here.

Let's get him out of here. Let's go celebrate Cheech's birthday, boys. Happy birthday, Cheech. I gotta go fucking see if I can sell these to the fucking dollar store. You know, we don't have to stand up and leave every time. We can just say goodbye. I thought we were done, man. We are, but we can just say goodbye. All right. I got, man. We are, but we can just say goodbye. Alright.

I got an idea. We'll say goodbye and then press the power off right there. Why? Oh, okay. This is a... Look, that's my remote. Where did you find that? Uh, no comment. I love that remote with the big buttons. I can see it so much easier. I pressed the power button. It was in my oven. Okay, here we go.

We'll see you next time, everybody. Pew! It was in my oven. Okay, here we go. We'll see you next time, everybody.