Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 154 - Helix’s Brian Vollmer

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

Today we have one of Ricky’s favourite rock stars in to talk about breaking legs on tour, favourite tour spots, and all the things he’s pissed on in his life. Greasy! Episode 154 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Rickey's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Alright, well, I'm sure Rickey's going to want to do the intro today. Want to do the intro today or what? I don't know. I'm kind of excited. I'm not sure if I can pull it off or not. Kind of excited, Ricky. You're heard as a rock. Oh, I don't... Let's not get too carried away here, but... Yes, I'm pretty excited. We have a special guest today. I'm sure everybody knows who it is.

I'll tell the people just in case they don't, Ricky. The lead singer of fucking Helix, Brian Vollmer, has joined us today. I'm sure everybody knows who it is. I'll tell the people just in case they don't, Ricky. The lead singer of fucking Helix, Brian Vollmer, has joined us today. Yes, sir. Thank you for coming. Nice to be here. I hear the crowd roaring. That's right. There's no crowd here. Well, Rick, you forgot to do the rest of the intro, man. You have to use your imagination.

What's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast. He's mocking you I know I don't sound episode 154 July 27th Cheers Well cheers, yeah You sounded just like Julian good like me You should have did a double pump flex at the end Oh, I know when have I ever double flex pump pump after the intro? Right before we roll every time.

No, man, no I don't. You're over there lifting weights so that when we're on camera you're just bulged. I'm not lifting weights before the podcast. Dick. I've seen ya. Okay, this is the sound that officially starts the podcast. There she goes, we're underway.

Pretty nice. Look at that. Bubbles has his own beer. You said you're gonna give me one of these cans after we're done here Well, Ricky did I might I Was saving he doesn't have a can he's got a fucking glass. I was saving these cans for rush actually

rush He likes yeah, man rush be tired. I Didn't mean he looks are still going They don't fuck around. Yeah, that's right. That is pretty awesome. How many years, when did Helix start? 1974.

Holy shit. How many years is that, Ricky? Do the math. 44. Nope. 34? That's pretty fucking good. 74, 84, 94, 2004, 2004.

It's almost 45. He had it right. right 44 years how the fuck did you do that because i thought about it like drugs or did you just guess you were thinking about grams of weed yeah if you had you know 2018 grams and they took 1974 grams away that's what you'd be left with see if he thinks in grams he can can do math. Yeah. Pretty good. That was fucking awesome. 1974. That's crazy. He was started. That's right. And obviously you were the founder.

Were you born then? Where did it start? I was born then. I was born too. Where did it start? Where did it start? Kitchener, Ontario. Kitchener, Ontario. You're obviously the founding member. Actually, I wasn't.

It was the drummer, a guy named Bruce Arnold. I was in the original band. Bruce Arnold, the drummer, where's he at now? I think he's back in Kitchener, Ontario. He might be watching this right now. So he's probably pissed off that he's not in Helix anymore. Yeah, a little bit.

A little bit. So how did you steal his band from him? Well, I didn't really steal it from him. We went out on the road in 1974, and after about a year, I was the only one pretty left standing, I guess. Hard partying? Hard partying and just rough bars.

Yeah. Northern Ontario, it was called the Birth of Fire, Northern Ontario. Jesus Christ. You could survive Northern Ontario, you could survive pretty much anywhere. We of fire, Northern Ontario. Jesus Christ. You could survive Northern Ontario. You could survive pretty much anywhere. We've been to Northern Ontario. There's a little...

North Bay. North Bay. We've been to North Bay. That ain't Northern Ontario. No, we're talking way up there, right? Capus Kaysing, Kapuskasing. No, we haven't been up that far. Oh, we've been up...

Gerald. I have. I've been up there. Have you? Capus Kaysing. It's pretty rough up there. Bob Cajun. It's pretty rough up there. Bob Cajun. Where's that at?

I just know that from the Tragically Dead. Bob's Kitchen. It was in Bob Cajun. Bob's Kitchen. I thought that was Bob's Kitchen. Oh, I've been to Bob's Kitchen, too. So it's pretty rough up there? Is there concerts and shit?

Yeah. You have to survive. Wow. It was bad enough not going over, but it was another thing to, you know, get physical injury. Like get shit thrown at you? Yeah, we used to get requests for songs taped to ashtrays whizzing by our heads.

So it's like the Road Host, the movie The Road Host. Like, that actually existed. Oh, imagine that. Julian brought up a Patrick Swayze movie. Only we didn't have the chicken wire to stop the shit coming up. Julian can only relate to things Patrick Swayze has done over the years.

Why are you being a dick, man? Well, I'm just saying, why would you pull Roadhouse out of the... Because everybody's watched Roadhouse, except for me. I've watched a bit of it. You've only seen part of Roadhouse. A trailer. I've watched the trailer, and I didn't get to see it yet. I'm going to watch it maybe one of these days.

How many times, Ricky, has he watched Roadhouse? Over 60. Not over 60. He's joking. Oh, no, at least 60. I was going to say 600. Watch bits and pieces of it. Just the parts where Patrick has his shirt off?

Why are you doing this, man? He does, he cut together a little sequence of scenes, just like the best Patrick scenes and the best Sam Elliott scenes, and he likes to watch that at least once a week. I like, yeah, okay. It is a good, he did a good job. He picked some good scenes.

So 1974, so give us some, I want to know, like, I always wanted to be in a big rock band in the 70s too. Like how hard was the partying? Well, the first time we came to the East Coast, we drank a lot of schooner. Oh, yeah, a lot of schooner. And I think we got the shits for a couple weeks. That was pretty hard on us.

A couple weeks? Oh, sniffy, sniffy flying around back then? No, we didn't do blow back then. Really? Yeah, I kind of avoided that. Lots of other people did, holy Jesus. Lots of other people did, yeah. Sniffy-sniffy flying around back then? No, we didn't do blow back then. Really? Yeah. I kind of avoided that. Lots of other people did. Holy Jesus.

Lots of other people did, yeah. We're mostly dead now. Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe that's why you're still rocking. That's right. That's why I'm still alive. So you've probably met... Just keep it to the booze and the smoke, boys.

You've probably met everybody over the years, I guess. Every famous rock star. I've met some of them, yeah. That's cool. Who would you like to know about? Who's the favorite person you ever met? Probably Lemmy from Motorhead. He's a nice guy.

Do you like Motorhead? Yes. The aces, bitch. That's right. Where'd you meet him at now? We did a couple tours of Lemmy. No way. Yeah. So you know him pretty well. We did a couple tours of Lemmy. No way. Yeah?

So you knew him pretty well. Well, I'm well enough. He's dead now. Yeah, I know that. I sat in his chair at the Rainbow down on the Sunset Strip. No way. Remember? Lemmy's chair's there at the Rainbow and I sat in it.

Don't remember. Had some drinks in it while you were off with some strippers. So you don't remember. All right, fair enough. Well, the were off with some strippers, so you don't remember. All right, fair enough. Were the strippers or firemen? I forget. Wait, Ricky. They were strippers dressed as firemen. Remember? They were nice, those two fellas.

Where was this? It was in Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Strippers dressed as firemen. Lemmy used to hang out at the Rainbow. How did we get to the stripper and the fireman bit? Well, that's... Oh. They were female

firemen, okay? Firewomen. Dressed up. Firewomen. Kind of strippers dressed up. Fire! You guys are big all over the world, but where's your biggest fan base, do you think? You said somewhere over in Europe, wasn't it? Was it Sweden? Actually, it's Hesterhazy, Saskatchewan.

Oh, really? Yeah, I think so. After that, maybe England somewhere. Yeah, that's cool. We've been over to England and been to England a while. Went to Spain a couple years ago in Germany. Never been to Spain.

Heard Spain is a good party spot. Do you think? Spain is... Barcelona. That's what I'm saying. Barcelona? They'll bring up a piece of hash that big. 50 bucks.

Jesus. I'm going to go there for sure. Your type of place. I'd love to go there. Straight from Morocco. All right. You played a bunch of those big crazy metal festivals over in Europe, didn't you? Like Germany and those places?

Mostly Sweden Rock. Sweden, yeah. Sweden Rock. Finland, they have some big ones. They like their rock over there. Sebastian Bach told us about one of those festivals. Yeah. Ladies showing their boobs in the crowd.

I was there with Sebastian. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's a crazy bastard, isn't he? He is a crazy motherfucker, that Sebastian Bach. Yes, he is. Yeah, he is a crazy bastard. isn't he? He is a crazy motherfucker. Yes, he is. He is a crazy bastard. What about the band Accept?

Band Accept? We toured all the United States with that, Accept. Were those guys, like, hardcore or what? Pretty hardcore. Bastards. I think we broke three legs in that tour. Three legs? Jesus.

Yeah, our sound man, our bus driver, and our guitar player. How the fuck did that happen? Why were you breaking people's legs? Well, it was all by accident. One guy fell off a curve, one guy fell out of a coconut tree. Oh, I thought you meant you were breaking them because they weren't

paying or something. No. Sucks to have a bus driver that broke a leg. Yeah. That does suck. Then he's using, you know. Well, remember, we had a bus driver. He only had one eye. That's true. He was awesome, though.

He was the fucking best driver ever. I knew a girl like that once. Yeah? Yeah. What was her name? One Eye. One Eye Sally. Trigger.

One Eye Sally. Fucking popcorn. Uh, yeah. Maybe you could pour it on my... You just played a show on the weekend with Lee Aaron, was it? Last Thursday in Red Deer, Alberta. Cool. I love Alberta. What's she like? Lee Aaron. She's pretty awesome.

She's a great person, yeah. I've loved that poster of hers. She's got the sword up and she's like fucking standing there. With the block. Yeah, man. With the block. Metal Queen. With the loincloth on.

Yeah. Metal Queen. What was the next part? I don't care what the next part was. It doesn't matter. Yeah, that was awesome, man. My buddy Sean Kelly plays for Learne and we write songs together. You know Sean Kelly? I don't know Sean and we write songs together. You know Sean Kelly?

I don't know Sean Kelly. I know R. Kelly. Is he a rapper? R. Kelly's a rapper, yeah. Is he the guy that was peeing on ladies? He's got a house filled with women. He's got lots of women. And they're saying maybe, you know, he's not letting them leave.

Oh, yeah. He was the guy holding people captive. Kind of. And he said no. And pissing on them. Okay holding people captive. Kind of. And he said no. And pissing on them. Okay, fuck R. Kelly then. I don't know him. Wasn't he involved in some sex scandal or something? Totally.

Yeah, I think so. R. Kelly. And he just released a new tune that's like 19 minutes long talking about all this shit. 19 minutes? In 19 minutes. He sounds like he might be a little... He sounds like he might be a little out He sounds like he might be a lot of his fucking mind. Within two minutes tops. Does Lee Aaron still wear the loincloth?

No. Have you ever worn a loincloth? Not on stage. Is that a trick question? I've worn one back at a party, I bet. But Lee Aaron, there's no one like Lee Aaron out there. Is there any, like, metal queens out there now? Well, there was, you know, there was not metal queens like that, but...

Lita Ford. Lita Ford. Yeah, she was badass. Obviously. Darby Mills, she was pretty cool. Darby Mills, yeah. Her. And then not quite as metal-y, but had that one the chick to put the black hair

When the only Atlanta miles she got in a Accident or something she who did Atlanta miles somebody else. I thought she was all fucked over for a while there. I Don't know, Rick. Do you know who still looks really hot? Cher. That's right. She's as hot as balls. She's pretty hot for a fucking 75-year-old lady or whatever she is.

She's 72. Is she? Yeah, I think so. Do you know, she started off singing backgrounds of all those old Motown hits. Yeah, she did. Yeah, Run Around Sue, stuff like that. She went out with Sonny Bono, and he ran Phil Spector's studio. And one day, the drummer and the singer, background singers,

didn't show up, so Sonny Bono ended up drumming because he was a drummer, and Cher ended up singing. Really? Never sang before. I always said if I was going to be in porno movies, I'd call myself Sonny Boner. Sonny Boner. Sonny Boner?

Yeah, Sonny Boner would have been my porno name. So you can only shoot outside in the bright sunlight? What? You want to do your porn outside in the bright sunlight? Why? So you'd have a Sonny Boner. You'd have a sunlight on your boner. A Sonny Boner.

I didn't mean Son sunny like that, Ricky. You missed the whole point. What do you mean by shooting outside? Is that a double incandescent? I guess it is, yeah. Taking a little fur, we guys, today? Taking a little fur. All right.

Okay. Your first film should be called Boner Shadow. Boner Shadow. Boner Sundial. Eclipse of the Boner Shadow. Boner Shadow. Boner Sundial. Eclipse of the Boner. Total Eclipse of the Boner. Nice. She was pretty awesome, too.

Who? Total Eclipse of the Hot Bonnie Tyler. Yeah. Who the fuck knows Bonnie Tyler? Turn around, bright eyes. Turn around, bright eyes. Turn around. Yeah, okay. I get all her rhymes, don't you?

Yeah, Jesus. Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart. That song was huge. We don't need to talk about that this week, though. I mean, we have a rock star here, one of my favorite songs ever. Yes, Ricky, why don't you ask some questions? How did that song come about?

It's just so great. Was that off the first record? Studying the alphabet one day. Did you guys all write that together? No, I wrote the verse of that song, the lyrics, but the original song was actually come up with Bob Halligan, who also wrote Deep Cuts of Night for Paul. He wrote Some Heads Are Gonna Roll and Take These Chains by Judas Priest.

He's written a lot of big hits in the United States, Bob Halligan. Bob's got some royalties coming in, then. Bob's got some royalties coming in. I wish I had Bob's royalties. Yeah, I do, too. I mean, there'd be no reason at all for me to have Bob's royalties, but...

Do you remember the first time or first place you ever sang that live? Yes, I do. Oh, wicked. Do you remember the first time or the first place you ever sang that live? Yes, I do. Oh, wicked. Do you know where it was? No. It was in the El Rosa Villa in Columbus, Ohio,

the same place that Dime Dag Daryl got shot. Really? Yeah, we played there many times. And people must have went fucking crazy, did they? They did go fucking crazy, believe it or not.

The very first time we played. Okay, we got a fucking hit on our hands here, boys. And believe it or not. The very first time we played it. Okay, we got a fucking hit on our hands here, boys. And believe it or not, that song came out. We had to deal with Labatt's. And they were going to use the bad tracks, and they were going to do it to, give me a B, L, U, E, what you got?

Labatt's, blue. And they released a commercial before the song came out. And Capitol and our management freaked, and they threatened to sue Labatt's. They pulled it and then we did another one for Labatt's commercial for Heavy Metal Love and they replaced it with that. It went heavy metal

blue. No way. Greasy bastard. You know what I always... Stranger than fiction. You know what I always thought would have been awesome? What's that? If the Headpins did a deal with Tim Hortons You know what I always thought would have been awesome? What's that? If the Headpins did a deal with Tim Hortons and did donuts make you feel like dancing.

Donuts make you feel all right. You know what? I bet you it's going to happen. If it does, he's got the rights. If Tim Hortons is listening, I want royalties on that commercial. And I already know what the commercial is. They're just in, somebody's in the Tim Hortons. And a whole song and dance breaks out with a bunch of police officers. You know he's dead, though, right?

We did a tour with the Headpins. And at the last date, you know, we always play a trick on the opening act. So when they went to do that song, we had six dozen donuts, and we threw them out on stage. Really? So we're ahead of the curve act. So when they went to do that song, we had six dozen donuts and we threw them out on stage. Really? So we're ahead of the curve here. Donuts make you feel like I like you, man. I'm going to start drawing up that contract. That'd be a huge hit for Tim Hortons. He's dead. Who is? Tim Horton. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Well, he's not going to be able to approve a song.

Ricky, it's got nothing to do with fucking Tim Horton. I'm talking about the organization. Tim Hortons. I thought they couldn't do anything without him saying thumbs up. So how do you think they operate as a business for the last 20 fucking years? I think they're doing it illegally. Isn't his family suing or something? Where did he get this fucking information? I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

You think it would have been done a long time ago, Rick, okay? Ricky, they're one of the biggest corporations in Canada, Tim Hortons. You think they're just running fucking with nobody at the steer in the ship? Well, they got so much money, they're like, bring it on, family. Yeah, try to sue us. We don't care. I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. So any more questions about the band?

There's just so many. I didn't know. I don't know. Come on, Ricky. This is your chance. Favorite place you ever played live or favorite show or biggest show? There must have been some big ones in Europe.

Didn't you ask this question? I might have. Did I, guys? I don't know. I can't keep track. show or there must have been some big ones in europe this question i might have did i guys i don't know i can't keep track biggest show you ever played is that what your question is yep yep um probably a cne stadium, the Scorpions? Scorpions. Klaus Mayim. Hello, California! What are those guys like?

Who's that? The Scorpions. Scorpions? I don't think we ever met them. Can they... I wonder if they... They play with them, but you didn't actually meet them. They didn't hang with you?

Didn't hang with us. Say we did a whole Kiss tour, we hardly saw those guys either. No way. Yeah. You know know Helix was the first band ever to play with kiss with their First band ever play with kiss when they took their makeup off. No way first time Lisbon Portugal 1983 check it out I would have been weird Portugal

Yeah, how did that go? Like we did everybody? You know, I should get done to fuck with him? You should have come out with the Cass makeup on. That would have been... And then be like, no, no, we're Cass. I don't know who these guys are. Nobody recognizes them. Then Gene Simmons would have really give a shit. Yeah, Gene might have got pissed off over that one.

Is it true that his tongue doesn't look as long in real life as it does on TV? I don't know. I didn't really look at his tongue. Ricky, how the fuck would he know about Gene Simmons' tongue? He met him. He might have met him. What, was he gonna lick Brian in the face? That's what he does though.

He's talking. He's like, how you doing? Gene. No, he doesn't. He doesn't do that. That's what I heard from another somebody. You think he's talking and his tongue's so big it just falls off? Do you know Gene Simmons?

I've met him. I've talked to him. Now I heard... It's not like I phone him up every week. I heard that he is a colossal asshole. Oh yeah? I heard that Gene Simmons is one of the biggest assholes you can meet. Well, anybody that gives tongue autographs is a little weird. Hey, you know what? He's a good businessman.

I got along good with him pretty good myself. Did you? Yeah. I heard he's a fucking asshole. He's pretty smart. Smarter than Julian. What did you hear that he did that was bad? I just heard he's a fucking asshole.

That's all. I mean, I could be wrong. He's just a businessman. Sometimes you can't be like the nice guy when you're that, you know. Well, there's nice businessmen. Do. Name who? Who's a nice businessman? Richard Branson. like the nice guy when you're that, you know, involved in business. Well, there's nice businessmen, too. Name who? Who's a nice businessman?

Richard Branson. How do you know Richard Branson? I don't, but I've heard many stories. I've met Richard Branson. He's a nice guy. I heard he's a lovely chap. He's a nice guy. Okay.

And he's a lot richer than fucking Gene Simmons. With his big tongue and his stupid fucking boobs. Well, he's British. They recorded at Richard Branson's house. How do his boobs? Really? How is his boobs stupid? They recorded Nevermind the Bullock, Sarah, and also Tubular Bells.

You know, The Exorcist? Yes. Yeah. Didn't his little island get all fucked over because of some hurricane or something? It's not a little island. Stop trying to... Stop the big fuck... What?

You know what I mean. Yeah, he got fucked over. Yeah? Do you think he gives a fuck? He's like, just fix it. I wonder who would win in a cage match, him or Elon Musk. Elon Musk. Is he tough?

Would probably take him. Well, he'd bring his flamethrower. Or his submarine. Or his submarine. That never worked. Well, Ricky, it could work. It's Friday, July 27th. Andy White, do you know him, Bubbs?

Does that make your penis tingle? Yeah, it does, actually. It's Andy White. Got a little tingler in there. Scottish fellow. Played in a band. Okay. You played in the Beatles, you dumbass. Who did you say?

Andy White. Not for very long, but... Oh yeah, that guy. Triple H. Back up now. Andy White was not in the Beatles. Let's be clear. There you go. Fucking... He drummed on early Beatles records. I just... Yeah. Yeah. go fucking drummed on early beatles records as this yeah yeah i've got some fucking problems with andy white sorry i didn't know it was a sensitive topic why are you so like what's the

problem with andy white well because he takes some credit for things that I don't believe. Like what? Just, I think Ringo's a better drummer, that's all. Alright. Triple H, you used to like him, bubs. Who's Triple H? The fucking wrestler. Triple H? Oh, Triple H. Oh, H, is that what you say? Triple H. What does it stand for?

Healthy. Hot. Hunky. And hung. All right. Really? You learned something new today. I don't know.

I'm just guessing. You're a big fan of this guy, huh? I'm just guessing. How'd you know he was hung? I'm just saying that's what it stands for. I didn't make it up. I can't read the next birthday, but he was a Danish actor.

Can you read that for me? What kind of actor? Danish. Oh, Danish. Danish. Can you read that for me? What kind of actor? Danish. Oh, Danish. Can you read his name for him? Nicolai Jakoster Waldo. That was pretty good. See, this is why Ricky likes him. Nicolai?

I think that's supposed to be an I, not a J. Nicolai Jakoster Waldo. Now I see why Ricky's fan. The fucking key sheet's wrong. This is why Ricky's a fan. The fucking key sheet's wrong. This is why Ricky's a fan. Maya Rudolph. We do know her. Who?

Maya Rudolph from Saturday Night Live. She's fucking funny. Don't know her. Abe Cunningham from Deftones. Nope. Don't know. Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn.

Pete Yorn. Who's Pete Yorn? Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn. Who's Pete Yorn? Pete Yorn. All right. Well? You don't know the movie about Pete Yorn? No. Am I supposed to?

I'm trying to think of the name of it, for fuck's sakes. It's all gone. It's all gone, Pete Yorn. No, man. What are you talking? Google it. He was a fucking DJ that lost his hearing. He lost his hearing. Oh, and we're supposed to know who

Pete fucking Yorn is because he lost his hearing? It's a famous movie. Alright, just a second. I don't believe you. I think it's the same person I'm thinking of. Pete? I think you're totally fucking up. Pete Yorn.

Oh, no, that's Pete Tong I'm thinking of. Am I still looking up Pete Yorn? It's all gone, Pete Tong. Oh, and it rhymes. Yes, look it up. How do you spell Yorn? J-O-R? No, Y-O-R-N.

You didn't say Pete Jorn. Yeah, I was thinking of Pete Tong. And then it rhymes, so that Pete Tong. That's too silent. And then it rhymes, so that makes sense. It's all gone. He's an American musician, but his name doesn't sound American. It sounds like he's from Holland or something. Scarlett? Scarlett Johansson.

He's banging Scarlett Johansson. All right, okay, this guy's doing well. Now you have respect for him all of a sudden. Mucho respect for Pete Yorn. Who is he singing for? Who cares, man? He's bad. No, wait.

Pete Yorn? Pull it up. Pete Yorn and Skr... Okay, no. They... No, no, but Pete Yorn... Oh, I'm embarrassed now. He's on tour.

Who is he? Julian, just Google fucking Pete Yorn, will you? Just a second. I already did. Do you know who Pete Yorn is? Not a clue. What's it say on the radar? Man, I don't think I give a fuck.

I should, but I don't. Just says American musician. Very simple. All right, we're going to get down to who this guy is. Alex Rodriguez also got born on this day. Pete Yorn, okay. He's going on tour. Who did he play with? Okay, no, he's got, you know what? He's got an album out with Scarlett Johansson.

No, but he was in a fucking band. Was he, though? Look him up on Wikipedia, for fuck's sakes. Don't go to his website. Is he a good-looking chap? I don't know. I didn't even look at him. Pete Yorn. I'm embarrassed, I should know who that is.

Oh you should, man. Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn was in... Wikipedia, here we go. He was in fucking... Uh huh. It's all about Scarlett Johansson, man. No, go to his...

Over here, it should say, who he was associated with. Okay, Jorn mentions the Nova Scotia band Sloan as one of the great influences. All right, I like him then. Okay, here we go. I guess I do give a fuck. Sloan's a good band. Yeah.

You know the guys in Sloan? Nightcrawler. Yeah, they seemed all right. Bobo's got in a fight with Chris Murphy, actually. Who's Chris Murphy? Isn't guys in Sloan? Night Crawler. We've met them, yeah. They seemed all right. Bubbles got in a fight with Chris Murphy, actually. Who's Chris Murphy? Isn't he in Sloan? I don't know. I don't know them by name.

Oh. Why? Why'd you get in a fight? I don't know, man. He's got a lot of fucking knowledge. It's just Bubbles. I don't know what their problem was, but Bubbles snapped. He thought he was chirping.

Background information. Here we go. Yeah. He seemed to be getting into problems with a lot of people. What band was he in, for fuck's sake? You should say Associated Acts. Outlist seemed to be area. We'll come back to Pete Yorn.

I'm getting frustrated. He was just telling me that somebody else disrespected you. Who did? I don't know. Guy from Sloan. When? Didn't you say you had a problem with him? No, I like Sloan.

Was condensation you or something? I don't believe so, Ricky. Okay, I guess I've dreamt that. I like Sloan. Something got dreamt. I like Sloan. They're a good band. Found a couple headlines we could talk about. What happened?

Miami man with no arms charged with stabbing a tourist from Chicago. That's a good headline. How does that happen? He might be good with his feet. Foot stab. That's exactly what it was. He's probably like that guy in the Monty Python movie, you know?

Like the guy that the Ministry of Silly walks? No, you know, the knight there that tries to bite those people. Yeah, he gets his arms chopped off. They cut off his arms. I thought maybe you'd see that movie. Oh, yes, absolutely. OK. We are the knights who say knee!

That's right. That's a good part of the movie. And then he chops his arm off and he says, ah, it's a flesh wound. It's just a flesh wound. Okay, Bubz, this guy played with a band called Mini Burr, and this is probably why you're so, like, attracted to him. He played with another band called Dirty Bird.

No, that's not what I'm thinking of. I must be thinking of somebody else, Pete Yorn. It's a very common name. It is? Anyway, you're right, Joanie did stab the guy with his feet. I read it and I'm like, you know, as a defense attorney, I'm gonna take this case. People with no arms, Ricky, they can, their feet become their hands, and they can do everything that you can do. People paint with their feet. They can paint with their feet. He actually does paint can do everything that you can do and probably more

They can paint he actually does paint this guy. Unfortunately go to jail now, but well, he can paint in jail with his feet now He stabbed a guy with his point scissors now. There was two sides to the story. Oh scissors So he got his toes in the two things I guess so because he wouldn't be able to grip a big knife He said the fucking these two guys walked by one of them punched him in the two things. I guess so. Because he wouldn't be able to grip a big knife. He said the fucking, these two guys walked by, one of them punched him in the head,

so he got up and said, fuck you, and stabbed him. With scissors. The two guys said they were trying to ask him directions. And he snapped and got up and stabbed him.

That's a very different story they have. Yeah. Very different. What are you Googling now? You know what? This guy could be Ricky's dad. Who, Pete Yarn? Fuck off. What are you talkingling now? You know what? This guy could be Ricky's dad. Who, Pete Yorn?

Fuck off. What are you talking about? This guy right here, man, his name is Patrick Ryan. He's been in and out of jail since the age of 14. Nice. He's got the record, man. He commits fucking his 668th offense. Fuck off.

Yeah, 668. I'm never going to catch him. I fucking hope not, Ricky. He kinda looks like Ricky a bit. That could be his old man. He looks pretty cool. 668 times? Okay, guess how he, the 668th time, guess what he did? Went on a bus drunk, decided to take a piss.

As you would. Went up, there was a female bus driver, started groping her. Got kicked off the bus, went on another bus, pissed on that bus, got caught, 18 months in jail. See, that's Rick. 18 months for that? Yeah, so you got to fucking know. Well, Ricky, when you're a repeat offender with 667 arrests. That's what Leahy would call a recidivist.

Ozzie pissed on the Alamo one time. You what? Ozzie pissed on the Alamo. Did he? And he got arrested. Ozzie Osborne. You must have pissed on a few things. I've pissed on the Alamo. He got arrested. Ozzie Osbourne. You must have pissed on a few things. I've pissed on a lot of things in my life. I met Mitch Ryder one time, pissed in an alleyway.

Do you know Mitch Ryder? Detroit Wheels? He's Pete Yarns, buddy. Maybe. What's the weirdest thing you ever pissed on? Weirdest thing I ever pissed on? My hand, probably. Well, that's not weird. That was by accident. What's the weirdest thing you've ever pissed out? Pissed out of? Bus.

It was a big blowback on a bus. You know, when you're going down the road. Oh, yes. That's dangerous though, because you're standing in an open door. Yeah, it's almost like you're taking a bath without wanting to take a shower, you know? Yeah, piss shower. Coming back, a piss shower, yeah.

Remember Ricky thought those little, in London, those telephone booths were pissers? Yes. He was pissing in those? Yes. They pretty much are. Well, those are not. They smell like piss.

I wonder who did that. Because other people are pissing on them, but you don't have to do it, man. It's gross. It's better than pissing and not being in a covered space. You can't really get charged for pissing in public if you're in one of those, can you? You ever pissed your pants?

Yep. You have? Many times. When you were drunk or? Drunk and just, there's times when you just don't feel like moving, you're like, fuck it. But Ricky, when you're pissing on a telephone,

like that's disgusting. People grab it and they talk on it. I don't, well I don't. You gotta think about shit like that. I didn't intentionally piss on the telephone. I had a lot more pressure built up. No, you were aiming for the telephone. You were saying, here we go, number one.

We were in a taxi one night. Ricky was wasted. It was in Toronto and we're going down the road. And I look over and Ricky is pissing. And it's... His bird's pointing straight up. So his piss is going like this. Over the the backrest right onto the cab driver's back, and the cab driver did not know.

Ricky pissed a full pest load onto him. It was an accident, and I'm sorry that that happened to that poor man. And then when we stopped, Ricky waited for the traffic to come, and right when they were there, he threw the door open and the door got ripped right off the cab. Was I there? I was going to say I paid for it, but I didn't.

You've never paid for a cab in your life, Rick. No, he didn't. You should have been at Planet Fitness there on the weekend, Julian. Was I? Because there was a nude man working out there. And what they call... His name was Patrick Swayze.

They call it a judgment-free zone. So he thought that he wouldn't get in trouble because it's judgment-free. Working out naked, what equipment was he on? I don't know, but I can't imagine. I hope he wasn't on that leg spreader thing. I had a guy come to my front door one night. He was about 250 pounds and a thong, and he wanted in.

Jesus. And he said, no, you're not coming in. Why did he want in? I don't know. I phoned the cops, and they took him away. I never did find out. Oh, my God. Well, it's not every day is a scary situation.

His name wasn't Randy, was it? No. He looked like Randy, though. I can't imagine working out naked, like, all the clacking and stuff that would be going on if you're on the treadmill. Like, why would you want to be naked? Yeah, that's really weird.

Well, maybe he was doing squats. And he was using his nut sack to gauge how deep he was going. So you just go right down to your hips to the floor? Until your nut sack touched the ground touch the ground okay. And then you know you did a full squat can't get much lower. I don't have to dig in find out what he was doing for exercises but anyway he shouldn't have been naked even though it was a judgment-free zone. It's a what is a judgment-free zone? I don't know but uh if I was going for the morning to the gym I don't know I think I'd be freaked out with some guy instructing me in the nude.

Was he an instructor? No, I don't think. I think he's just... Oh, just there. Yeah. That wouldn't bother me at all. He'd have a lot less laundry, I guess. What would you guess he was doing, Julian? What machine do you figure he was on?

You know, he was just being a dick, okay? He was like, I'm gonna come in here naked and fucking cause a big fucking shitstorm. Maybe he was doing chin-ups. No, this guy, he's gotta get a fucking life. He's gotta get a fucking life. Maybe he was... Chin-ups? How so?

He might have been doing chin-ups. Ha-ha-ha. You could have been... No. You could have been... No. You could have been doing some bird curls. Some what? Bird curls. Bird curls?

Like boner curls? Put some little weights right on it. Right on your unit. That's how you get your bird ripped off. Bird curls. That's how you get your bird ripped off, Ricky. Bubz, vegan cats, good or bad? Vegan cats? Vegan cats? Vegan cats.

Well, it's not really vegan if you're eating a cat, because a cat's meat. No, man, I'm talking about the cats, feeding them just fucking, like, vegetables and shit, right? Oh. Like that. It's, I'm still researching the science right now. Some people say it's great, some people say it's... Cats need fucking protein.

Well, this guy here, he's doing it, and he said... You get protein from plants, too, Ricky. Yeah, exactly. No, he's doing it and he said... You get protein from plants too, Ricky. Yeah, exactly. No, you don't. Protein's meat. That, by the way, that was Uma. Uma. Uma Thurman. All right.

Five years old, fucking healthy as fuck. Healthiest cat in the world, he said. Okay, here, I got a question for you. Okay. I'm ready. Helix spent together 44 years. 45 almost. 45 fucking years. That's a long time.

If you had to pick one, the absolute craziest fucking story that ever happened to you in the 45 years, what would it be? Well, you probably can't tell that. Actually, I can. They're going to jail.

Oh, really? Yeah. We played with Del Shannon. Remember him? Yeah. Del Shannon, man. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. Jesus. That can't be the craziest thing. That's a good one. Well, that's a good one. Um, geez, what else? Have you ever fallen off a stage? I don't know.

I watched Lemmy get a blow job once on a roof. That's pretty good. Okay. How the fuck did you pick Del Shannon falling off the stage before the Lemmy got blow jobs? And why were you watching? There was a lot of people watching. I was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going Shannon falling off the stage before the Lemmy got blowjobs? And why were you watching?

There was a whole crowd watching. That's okay. It was one of those... Like, just standing around with beers? It was at the Penny Arcade in Rochester, New York. And you're just standing around with beers? Oh, look. We all went up on the roof to watch. And was it a male or a female? It was a female, for sure.

How long were people watching for? It was a female, for sure. How long were people watching for? Well, as long as it took. That's all I can clue this. It was just a short one. Julian's wondering how long Lemmy took. When did I say that? Well, you said. You're just, you want to know.

How long did they watch? You want to know how long Lemmy is? What was Lemmy doing? He didn't have a mic up here, did he? No, he wasn't. He was just enjoying it. The ace of spades. They used to do copious amounts of drugs, those guys.

You don't say. Yes, lots of drugs. Oh, I believe that. I sort of got that impression. Lemmy, eh? He was a good guy, though, Lemmy. I heard he was fantastic. I watched that documentary on him.

He seemed like, I would think, pretty fun to hang out with Lemmy. I went to do an interview one time with Lemmy. And the program director said, I want you to do an anti-drug commercial. And I thought, what's he going to say? So he pulled up the microphone and he goes, I thought, what's he going to say? So he pulled up the microphone and he goes, I want all you kids out there that are thinking about doing drugs that don't do drugs because all my friends that have been doing drugs

are either dead or they're going to fucking die, so don't do drugs, kids. I thought that was pretty good, any drug commercial. That is good. Don't do drugs, because I've done them all. And I'm still doing them. I don't care. I'm still on them and I don't care on them in it. I'm hooked it's bad news Yes, sir

Alright well today on reading headlines that are gonna surprise you bubbles has one Okay, so this was just handed to me. I have not seen this headline. It's weird wild stuff seen this headline. It's weird, wild stuff. Johnny Carson. That was my Johnny Carson impression. Weird, wild stuff. Tom Green taught me how to do that. Tom Green. Okay, here's the headline. Man who is 90% covered in tattoos has penis removed as it interferes with his look. No way. That is weird, wild stuff.

A man who had 90% of his body covered in black ink has now decided to have his genitals removed. Andy Curlycale. Curlycale? That sounds like a made-up name. And Adam Curlycale, 32 from Kaliningrad in Russia, decided to start

tattooing his body, including his eyeballs. What? Yeah, did you ever see those crazy bastards? I've heard of it, man. I've heard of it. They tattoo the white parts of their eyes black. So he's, like, looking in the mirror going,

fuck, it's going to have to go. It's not working with the look. He was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago. He started getting tattoos. He also has albinism. So he's an albino. Not anymore. No, he's 90% fucking tattooed.

Well, he was as white as a fucking ghost with red eyes, and he got them tattooed. Says he started tattooing himself because he felt depressed by his pale skin. Holy fuck! Oh, my God. Jesus, Murphy. I didn't see the picture of him. What the fuck?

Sweet Jesus. He looks like that cat. He looks like one of those cats I have a picture of that has the nice mustache. Holy shit. He is fucked up. I thought you couldn't do that to your skin. He's like a negative.

He's like a negative. He looks like a negative. He's like a 35 millimeter negative. I thought you couldn't cover your whole skin in tattoos, or maybe it was marker. You definitely can't do a marker, man. Marker, you can die, Ricky. Okay, after getting almost 90% of his body covered,

Adam felt that his penis ruined his look, so he paid to undergo the extreme surgery. Oh, yeah, I mean, if you look like that, why would you want a penis? Why would you need one? So is he walking around naked, do you think? I don't know, but I mean, when you've perfected your look to that degree,

you don't want to ruin it with anything like a... You don't want to ruin it with anything like a functional penis. I'd rather get it tattooed than removed. He has now shared pictures with his fans on social media after having his penis, nipples, and testicles removed. He has now shared pictures with his fans on social media after having his penis, nipples and testicles removed. No, he didn't.

He got his nips cut off too. Jesus. Adam became famous in 2017 after taking part in the TV show Second Face in Poland where he said he wanted the tattoos to cover the blemishes that were left behind by the cancer. Oh, this poor bastard. I think he's got cancer of the brain. Yeah, I think he's...

I think part of his brain fell off. Does it show any... Well, there he is in his new ride. Is that a cocculus right there? Any pictures post-penis removal? I don't know. Hopefully. Not that I want to see them, but...

No. Google him. See if you can get a picture of his missing penis. Don't talk about penis anymore. I've got to take a piss. What's his name? Yeah, it's out of control. That'd be a good way to end the segment. What's the guy's name?

I am. I'm nearly pissing my pants. That guy goes to bed. Adam. Adam Penisness. Curly Kale. Curly. Kale. So like the three stooges and the vegetable. Curly Kale. Oh, there he is. Okay. There he is. And just type in post penis removal.

Post penis removal. Post penis. This is all right. Penis. Okay. Re-curly kale. Fuck. That sounds like a reference. I didn't save any of my drink.

I wanted to send some cheers out. Here, Ricky, I'll pour you a little bit of this. I don't know if that's gonna mix very well with rum. Ricky, you've mixed beer and rum a thousand times. No images. You got a picture of him? Oh, check this out. That's him saying, all right, it's gone.

Peace out. I'm happy. Peace out? Man, he's really got some tats. Yeah. For an albino, he's awfully dark. I know. Wow. No. He doesn't have a fucking inch of his body. Uh-oh. What's that?

I think that's where it could be. Right there. That's not his Ken bump, is it? Yeah, that might be. I don't... Think that's his Ken bump? No. No, because he would have been all black by this point. Yeah.

Okay. He's got a Ken bump now. You know Ken and Barbie? How Ken just has that smooth bump? Okay, here we go. That would be a weird band name, wouldn't it? The Ken bumps. The Ken bump, yeah.

I like that name. That'd be a good punk band name. Barbie and the Ken bumps. Yeah. Okay, that's it. I can't find any pics, and I'm that name. That'd be a good punk band name. Barbie and the Ken Bumps. Yeah. Okay, that's it. I can't find any pics and I'm pretty hungry. Just type in Adam Curly Kale's penis. Jesus Christ.

Enough with the penises. Yeah, I'm gonna piss my pants pretty soon. Oh, you got a piss jug that Brian can use? It's used. No, he doesn't want that then. He wants a fresh one. Sorry, bubs. Sorry for letting you down.

I can't find a pick. Okay, well. All right, well, let's... Maybe we should go to the bar. You should take a piss and then we should head to the bar. I gotta piss. Cheers to everybody

dealing with the forest fire shit. It's out of control. Where's the forest fires at? Oh, fuck. All over Ontario and B.C. They're all over the place, man. Down in the states. Really? I didn't know I was watching the news.

It's fucking nuts. They're over in goddamn Greece. You gonna piss yourself? All right, Brian's gonna piss himself. Okay. All right. I can come back. Thanks, Brian.

One of the greatest rock stars ever. Yeah, I think we're all finished here. Helix. See, even rock stars almost pest themselves. Thanks for the shirt, man. It's fucking awesome. Thanks for having me. We're going to wear the shirt.

Hey, dude, chug that before you go pest. No. Come on, let's see. Why would you do that? That'd be awesome if he pest himself on our show. We don't want it. We're not going to let... No.

All right, that's it.