Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 157 - You Don't Wanna Become Friends With Crack

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

Could a shark win a fight against a gorilla in three feet of water? How much PSI does a cock have? Have you ever had goat's head soup? What in the F**K are the Boys talking about??!  Episode 157 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Rickey's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Come on, come on, come on. Is anybody gonna fucking say anything? Or are you gonna leave it up to me? Boys, I, Rick, I don't like... I don't like feeling this way, man. This is fucked. What the fuck is going on here? What, you cutting my hair again? My kitchen's falling apart. What are you talking about?

Look at this fucking shit. Ricky, just. This isn't the probably the greatest time to be fixing your fucking kitchen. Nice piece of oak fucking came off. Just put it back up. Fuck's sakes. PL premium, baby.

Can't have that, boys. Ricky, fix it later. I'll fix it. I don't have a hammer or anything right now. Anyway, do your shit while I'm fucking doing this. We're not just gonna do our shit when you're doing this behind us. See, he's on the kind kind of buzz we have right now. Something like that. You see that? You gotta fix it because it turns into, like, a mission.

It drives you fucking nuts. So you smoke carpentry weed, you think? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, man. Oh, my God, boys. There we go. Sit the fuck down. You just put another piece up there. I'm officially starting this.

Do it. When I crack this, it's on. Better than fucking nails. Duck tape. Right up there, man. Red green would be proud. Okay, here we go. There, she's officially underway.

And there, she's officially underway. And there, she's officially fixed. Well, then, welcome to the Trailer Park Boys podcast, number 157. 157, it is August 17th. I've got a great idea for a new invention. Goose tape. Similar to duct tape, but better. We'll make a fucking killing, boys. Hmm.

It's a patenter. It's... Ricky, you know that duct tape isn't duck, the animal duck, right? What do you mean? It's not duck tape. What is it? Ducked.

With a T. What does that mean? Air ducked. It's an air ducked. No, no, they have other tape for that. Plus, they got, there's tape out there called Gorilla Tape. No, no, they have other tape for that. Plus, they got, there's tape out there called Gorilla Tape. Now that sounds a lot stronger than...

Than a duck or a fucking goose. Or a goose. Or a goose. All right, well, there goes that fucking million dollar idea. You never heard of Gorilla Tape, Gorilla Glue? Heard of Gorilla Glue, I didn't know they made a tape. Yeah, Gorilla Tape, Gorilla Glue? Heard of Gorilla Glue, I didn't know they made of tape. Yeah, Gorilla Tape, Gorilla Glue. Those fuckers.

Flex Tape. I put some fucking Flex Tape on my shed. Stopped leaks. What about Shark Tape? That's great. Shark would beat a gorilla. What? Shark Tape. Hmm.

A shark couldn't beat a fucking gorilla. I'd fucking like to see that. It depends on where they are. I'd fucking like to see that. It depends on where they are. I'd say waist deep in water. Three feet of water. Three feet of water? It depends. Does the gorilla know he's there?

It does once the fucking thing bites him. Well, that's what I mean. Are they squaring off? Okay, no, you've got to pull. Or is the shark in a sneak attack? You've got to pull. All right? It's three feet., maybe goes up to four feet. The deep end goes down to me.

You know, tilt the gorilla's head in the pool to show him the shark's in there. Right over there, bud. See what that is? Danger. Then fucking throw him in. Have at it. And then chuck some food in the middle of the pool. Three rounds.

See what happens. Three feet deep. How big's the gorilla? Full size? How big do you want him? Well, he could be a nine-footer. He can't be like King fucking Cone. Silverback, man. Big silverback gorilla.

And how big's the shark? I think great white. 25 feet long? 25 feet? Well, then he's going to win. 10 feet. A 10-footer. 15, 12 feet.

A 9-foot shark versus a 9-foot gorilla in 3 feet of water. 9-foot gorilla. What the fuck? That's a Sasquatch. Sasquatch. 9 feet tall. A gorilla. There's gorillas that are 9 feet tall.

There's no fucking way, man. There's gorillas. There is not 9-foot gorilla. Okay, 7-foot gorilla. 7- gorillas that are 9 feet tall. There's no fucking way, man. There's gorillas. There is not 9-foot gorillas. Okay, 7-foot gorilla. 7-foot gorilla, 7-foot shark. 3 feet of water. 7-foot shark, 7-foot gorilla? Gorilla.

All the way. Really? Yes. If it's not a sneak attack by the shark. I didn't know gorillas were that tough. Ricky. How tall do gorillas grow? We'll find out, bubs.

Nine feet, huh? Tallest gorilla ever recorded. How tall is the biggest gorilla in the world? Here we go. Yeah, but he could have been dead. Six-six, man. No. Yes.

No, just big gorillas. Weighing in at 550 fucking pounds. There's got", man. No. Yes. No, respect the gorilla. Weighing in at 550 fucking pounds. There's got to be bigger ones than that. The record. 6'6". The record for the largest gorilla goes to Phil in St. Louis, weighing 860 fucking pounds. Holy fuck.

And that motherfucker was 5'9". Wow, he was a fat bastard. 5'9". So Randy's about 5'9". Randy's probably pushing 500. Imagine packing 860 pounds on that motherfucker. He's already wanted about three. He's about three.

800 pounds at 5'9". That's a tank. That's not a great-looking body. We're going to get a picture of him. Or a picture of Bill. I mean, if that's who you're talking about, I don't think the shark could even get his fucking mouth around his big, big log leg. He wouldn't get through all the blubber.

Phil the gorilla. All right, Phil. He looks like your mother. No, it's not nice. Looks like your mother, Julian. Fuck. Where the fuck is there a picture of Phil Phil the gorilla August 17th guess who was born on this date boys Davy Davy Crockett

what is it king of the Wild and the Near? Wild Frontier, Ricky. Right. Is his name really Davey? I don't know. Who names their kid? Is it David? Is it Dave? Probably David Crockett.

Just got shortened to Davey? Like gravy? That's a weird one. Have you ever known anybody named Davey? Davey Jones from the Monkees. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Fuck!

Why did they call themselves the Monkees? Just because they weren't great looking? It was just a name, Ricky. The Beatles were huge, so they said, hey, the monkeys. There's a picture of Phil. Look at the size of that bastard. Holy shit. Yeah.

You tell me he couldn't beat a seven-foot shark? He just sits around and fucking eats. I don't know, man. The shark could come in and just go, breaking that part right there. No, he wouldn't get near him. Phil would fucking lose it. Phil doesn't get near him. Phil would fucking lose it. Phil doesn't look very mobile.

Phil would fucking lose it. What the fuck were they feeding Phil? You get him off balance, he's just fucking easy prey. You think you could take Phil? I think you could, yeah. Just get him off balance. Get him off balance. That guy. You want to get this guy off balance?

Get him off balance, Ricky. You hit him with a fucking truck and he wouldn't even budge. I didn't know he could get into that fucking stance. That's the gorilla stance, Rick. He would fuck you over. You definitely have to break one of his arms quick. Find out if he's right-handed or left-handed. Good luck breaking his fucking arms.

Hit him with a truck, maybe. That was 1786. Davy Crockett was born. Davy, Davy Crockett. What was his deal anyway? Davy Crockett. He was an American frontiersman. One of the bravest motherfuckers ever born. He was an adventurer and a politician,

born in Greene County, Tennessee. Okay, what kind of shit did he do? Davy Crockett. What made him so great? You never too... fucking... He was the king of the wild frontier, bud. All right, so? Big fucking standoff, man.

He stood his ground. What? Against who? Bunch of crazy motherfuckers attacked him. He was seriously outnumbered. Fought the fight. Said, fuck this. Davy Crockett did that?

Yep. Don't think he survived, unfortunately, but... I don't think... I think you're thinking of General Coster, maybe? I don't know who you're thinking of. Samuel Goldwyn was born in 1882. Who's that? Samuel Goldwyn. Why is it Sammy?

MGM. Metro Goldwyn Mare. What if in the brackets it says, Shmuel Givitz? That was the brackets it says Shmuel Gavitz? That was his Jewish name. Shmuel Gavitz. Jewish-Poland-American movie producer, MGM. Oh, wow. Born in Wartsop, Poland. All right, 1882.

All right. 1893. May West. Hot. Was she hot? May West? She was hot, baby West. Hot. Was she hot? Mae West. She was hot, baby. Google her. Mae West. 1893, American actress and singer.

Was she hotter than Marilyn Monroe, or? She was born in Brooklyn, New York. I didn't know that. Marilyn or her? I think Marilyn stole some stuff from Mae West. Wasn't she dating June East at one point? Ricky. That's so fucking dumb, Ricky.

Who you talking about? What the fuck? Mae West. Yeah, there she is. Got to be some other pics of her, man. Like, you know. She's a good looking lady. Holy fuck.

She's all right there. Next one's going to give one of our little amigos a hard-on. Oh, my fuck. 1943. Julian. Julian? Make some expansion room in those jeans. Brace yourself.

What? 1943, August 17th. Robert De Niro. Greatest actor on the planet. Robert De Niro. That's him on the planet. Robert De Niro. That's him, man. He's the man. Famous for Taxi Driver and Raging Bull.

Born in New York City. All kinds of good movies. Goodfellas, one of the best movies ever. Favorite De Niro movie. Favorite scene. Goodfellas? Oh, man, the whole fucking movie within a casino. What's your favorite De Niro movie?

I know Deer Hunter was pretty cool, man. Raging Bull was awesome. We're all good, man. Pass the driver, Joey Foster. It's Hot. Brilliant, man. Meet the Parents. Yeah, that was a good one.

It wasn't It's Hot. What was that bank robbery movie? Get Short. Heat. Heat. Best gunfight ever, man. Eat. Al Pacano was pretty good

in that one, too, if I remember. Number two actor in the world, Al Pacino. It's Pacino. That's what some people call him.

Good movie, man. Also, same birthday, 1960, Sean Penn. Are you fucking kidding me? Sean Penn. He's up there, man.

He's up there with those guys. He is. He's a great actor. Great actor. What's his best movie? Fast Times at Ridgemont High, maybe. Yeah, that was good. He's had a lot of good movies, man.

Well, what's your favorite? Harvey Milk. I think he was good in that. Yeah, Harvey, that was good. What other good ones? That prison movie. Colors. No.

Colors, man, he was good in Colors. You kidding me? No, you're thinking of... He was the Batman. I can't come up with it. Fuck! What was the other movie he was in presently? State of Grace, another good movie he was in. State of Grace? The one who was in jail, okay?

That was fucking... Like one of his first ones. Warriors. No. No. Fucking Jesus. Can't remember. Fuck.

I hate being drugged on. All right. I'm drugged on. Yeah. What's druggedged up. All right. I'm looking into it. Yeah. What's drugged up? It's when you smoke some sort of a joint and it doesn't help you be smart. So you get drugged up. Just temporarily.

Then you go back to smart again. 2000, Lil Pump was born. Who? Lil Pump. Lil Pump. Lil Pump. Lil. Lil. Lil. Like little, Lil. was born who little pump little pump little pump little well like little well little pump is he always do little tiny fist pumps he's an American rapper the Gucci gang born in Miami Florida well pump is he heard he's heard fuck he just had a $70,000 grill delivered to him at the airport. He saw it on TMZ.

Yeah, what? $70,000 grill. For his teeth. I think it was Lil Pump. It's a serious grill, man. 70 grand. Yeah, for his teeth. Little holder. Little tooth holder.

Well, that was kind of whatever. Yeah, it was... Oh, yeah, speaking of whatever. Yeah, that was... Oh, yeah, speaking of drug dumb... Mystic River. There was this woman. Yeah, Mystic fucking River was good. Mystic River.

That wasn't it, though. Four Grands. No, it wasn't. Dead Man fucking Walking. Jesus, boy. Bad Boys. Bad Boys, for fuck's sakes. Fucking Jesus.

But it wasn't the Bad Boys with Watts', um, what's his face in it? That was good too. What's the black fella? Lawrence? Fishburne? No. Lawrence? The black guy that was in Bad Boys. Oh, oh, oh.

Wasn't it Will Smith and Martin Lawrence? Not that bad boys. No, no, no, no. Sean Penn was in a different Bad boys. All right. Ricky. I'm glad we solved that fucking problem. Ricky, this is gonna, you're not gonna be happy about this. The CDC strongly suggests that you not reuse or wash condoms. Why? Danger. Why would you not be able to do that, though?

It's fucking latex. Who does that? Apparently it's a big trend. A trend? I don't do it so much anymore, but back in the day... People are trying to stretch their dollar by reusing old condoms.

It may be thrifty, but it's also very dangerous. What's the danger? I don't know. Probably getting bacteria in your pee hole, I would think. Well, you clean them, throw them in the dishwasher or whatever. Dishwasher? No, you freaky...

Did you ever put condoms in the dishwasher? I've heard of it, come on. Ricky, did you ever put condoms in the dishwasher? I've heard of it. I guess. I guess it works. I don't know. Yeah, it's not good. No, but put it this way. You know, you're younger. Forget that it's a long weekend. Everything's closed. And, you know, you're doing a lot more banging than you're expecting to be doing. So it's either have a baby or you reuse some

condoms i mean it's probably safer than using a bread bag i've seen you use a bread bag okay what's what have you used over the years ricky as a condom in your life definitely a dirty bread bag a bread bag okay saran wrap saran wrap that's i don't recommend that Saran wrap. Saran wrap? That's, I don't recommend that. How did you do that? A freezy wrapper. One of the jumbo ones.

An old Henry Byrne wrapper. Ricky, a freezy wrapper's got sharp edges. I know, it wasn't good. The lady was not happy with that one. What was the worst thing you tried to use? And it just, it was like... I'd like to know how you did saran wrap. use? And it just was like... I'd like to know how you did saran wrap. Did you wrap it this way or lengthways?

I went over the top first and then around. Sealed her in. Yeah. Oh, God, Ricky. Tinfoil is not good either. Tinfoil? No. Ricky, why would you even consider tinfoil it's not one of the only options when

you heard in the heat of the moment you run around someone's kitchen you fucking you make do I don't need any more kids running around right you also don't need severe lacerations on your wiener no have you ever tried to jam something in the eye of it to stop it? Like a cork? Like a cork, because you had nothing? A piss hole cork. It would have to be something pretty strong.

Okay. Why? Why? The power of things coming out of there, I'm sure. Jesus. Who are you, Peter North, huh? Well, sometimes there's a lot of built-up force.

A lot of PSIs. Pounds per square inch. That's what he's talking about. A lot of pressure. How much PSI do you think's under there, Ricky? I'd hate to think. Are we talking two, three, or are we talking like 400? Oh, no, it wouldn't be 400.

I'm just saying it'd have to be a pretty hefty, tight-fitting cork. It may not be that comfortable. Wow. And then what happens? Where does it go? Then you get everything back. Back from whence she came. I can't be good for you.

I wouldn't think so. Probably easier just to not wash the condoms out and just use those rather than jam a piss hole cork in. You know what? Keep washing the

condoms out, okay? Don't try that other shit. All right? Listen to this one, Ricky. That was a good talk look at this ricky rogue goats see this neighborhood yeah people are just hanging around a couple hundred goats showed up and started eating everything in the fucking neighborhood look what they just fall out of the sky nobody Nobody knows where they came from. What?

Oh, it's in a regular old neighborhood. Where is this at? Somewhere down in... A hundred goats are on the loose right now in Boise, Idaho. In a neighborhood. Fuck that, it freaks me out. Especially if you're on mushrooms or something. You look out your window and go, Okay, these fucking mushrooms are wicked.

Yeah, except it wasn't mushrooms. It was real. Have you ever eaten a goat, bubs? Goat meat? A goat. Do people eat goats? They must eat goats. Not here, they don't.

You can milk them. Don't they, like, fucking boil their heads or something? Goat heads? Goat head soup? Yeah. That was a Rolling Stones album. Have you ever tried it? I've never had go ahead so would you

no would you eat a goat's eyeball no i would not unless i was starving or on fear factor i bet they get eaten some places oh people eat people eat guys for sure they do but not around here there's no need to nobody needs to eat a goat oh yeah i was talking about being drugged on. This woman in Florida, she was on crack and meth. She was in a park. She took off all her fucking clothes and started running around because she was trying to get away from a giant spider, she said.

Wow. I've never done crack or meth, but man, when you hear stories like that, it makes you sort of want to try it, doesn't it? Just to be that high. No, don't ever try that shit. You don't need that in your life. I won't, but I wish there was some other way to get that high. There is, Ricky.

Maybe if I took enough mushrooms. Stick to the mushrooms, man. You don't need to be on fucking crack. I'd love to see a great big giant spider come out. Ricky, I hear that story, and I think I would fucking be terrified to do crack because of that. I don't know, I'd try to be friends with it. See what you had to say. Ricky, you don't want to become friends with crack.

No, he's talking about the last... Oh. You're the last person in the world that should do crack. I'm not saying I'm going to do it because I think when he does it it's you get hooked on her don't you first tries you become addicted to the shit wow you ever see the break in bed

your speech is going off drag there good waves totally waving out here man cheers to the carpenter thank fuck there's popcorn I know, man. Good waves. Totally. Waving out here, man. Cheers to the carpenter, George. Thank fuck there's popcorn. What are we talking about again?

Giant spiders that you see on crack. Yes. Crack spiders. And then you started talking like you were back in grade four. Holy fuck, man. Yeah. You had problems back in grade four. Holy fuck, man. Yeah. You had problems back then, bud. You remember when we were in grade one, two,

how fucked your speech patterns were? Do you remember that? I don't think they were that bad, were they? Ricky, you could barely form a sentence, a coherent sentence, when we were in grade one and two. Well, you have to also get remembering that my dad was never home. He was always on the road. My mom left, so I didn't have a lot of people to get me taught on how to...

Ricky, who had less people than me? My parents fucked off around that time, too, but I... How'd you learn how to talk so good? I read books in my shed. did school by myself because i didn't like the bullies yeah there's some bullies back i schooled myself you know what bullies huh we didn't own any books in the library banned me so they did not ban you yeah they did they said you can't smoke dope in the library that's's not banning you. No, they ban them for stealing the books. Oh, fuck, I didn't bring a book back.

They got enough of the fucking things. You were selling fucking books in the parking lot of fucking Walmart. I sold one or two fucking books. One or two. They need their books, Ricky. Oh, man. That's what a library is. I was going to buy them back when I got more money.

So you were taking addresses and phone numbers with people who are buying he was pawned in books here listen to this one boys these guys were going to do a world record attempt for dominoes yeah they had 596 229 mini dominoes that they had to set up with tweezers the size of a fingernail. Oh, really? They set them up with tweezers. Took them two weeks.

And before they could officially start it and get the world record, guess what happened? Somebody sneezed. A fucking fly landed on one of them. A fly? Oh, fuck. A fly landed and started the of the... A fly. Oh, fuck. A fly landed and started the fucking thing

and they couldn't get it stopped. I'm fucking happy that happened for some reason. Fuck them. You know what? Little miniature dominoes. Are you kidding me? I think we find out what kind of fly it was and just wipe them out of the earth.

It was just one of those cocksuckers. Just a housefly. What do they do anyway except annoy the fuck out of you? Do they do anything good? If not, let's get rid of them. Houseflies, they can carry disease. But do they do anything positive?

Oh, anything positive. They annoy you. Let's get rid of them. They carry disease. They're fucking disgusting. Bats eat them, don't they? Spiders? They're probably a nice snack for a spider.

And bats. And bats love them. But you don't have spiders and bats in your house right spiders man i do in my house i've got a little bat living up in the corner i don't bother him he doesn't bother me bubs 33 pound cat oh look at him gorgeous you You'd like that Gorgeous get out of the fucking house. Yeah, I need some exercise His little hurts gonna give out eventually but yeah, oh I bet she's nice fucking kitty doll. His name's Bronson. Oh That's Bronson's Bronson. Oh, I know I've heard of bronze social media and shit, right? So on her diet or something. He's some fuck. I've heard of Bronson. He's on social media and shit, right? He's on her diet or something?

He's some fuck-I-bet-you-get-his-belly boy. Can you imagine getting his belly? 33-pound belly? No, man. Bronson. I bet you he's a nice kiddie. I bet you he's a nice boy. Yeah, he's... Yeah. Yeah, I bet you he is.

Okay. Okay, what were you talking about? I just got zoned out there. See what else I have here. Oh, yeah, look, this guy made best friends with a turkey. What the fuck? Best friends. Who cares, man?

He befriended a turkey. He must be pretty lonely. Well, it started living in his yard, a wild turkey. Now it's sleeping in the bed or something? Well, I think he's, you know, I don't know if he's... And by befriended, you mean he's what? Banging it. No, I don't think he's doing it with the turkey.

I think he just... I think it's a nice, polite way of saying that's what's happening. They're a couple. They're not a couple. He just, he's divorced and he has no family. And then a turkey started hanging out in his yard. So he's like, hey, how you doing? And then they just started hanging out.

They're probably drinking together, I would think. You know what the turkey drinks? What? Wild turkey. Bubs. Get it? No, man. Of course I get it.

I wonder if you got a turkey drunk if it would get pretty wild. Fucking rinse it would, man. Of course it would. I wonder if that's how it got its name. It might just, you know what, though? It might just chill out. Maybe a turkey got into the original batch and went fucking crazy and said, that's how it got its name. It might just, you know what, though? It might just chill out. Maybe a turkey got into the original batch and went fucking crazy and said, that's what we're calling it.

Wild turkey. Maybe not, too. Don't let that happen, Rick. Oh, yeah, look at this, Ricky. There's a little school in Japan. They found 1,400 guns and 1,200 swords buried under a school. Have. They found 1,400 guns and 1,200 swords. Jesus Christ.

Buried under a school. Are they selling them? In Tokyo. They're from World War II. Oh, fuck. I'd take a couple. They're... Ricky, I don't think

they're just selling them to the general public. Oh, I thought it was like a fundraiser for a school. No, Ricky. They found them buried under the school.

Well, they should sell them. Fuck, make some money for the school. They were buried since World War II. I'd support a school. No, Ricky. They found them buried under the school. Well, they should sell them. Fuck, it makes money for the school. They were buried since World War II. I'd support a school. Also found eight grenades and 302 bullets. Boy, they could train their kids how to use them. Look at the pile of guns, Ricky. Holy fuck.

That's awesome. Look at that pile of guns. You'd go to war with that many guns. Holy fuck. That's what they should do, give one each kid. Ricky, why would they give them to the kids? That's the problem with guns, kids aren't taught how to use them, so... Ricky, you don't want to teach...

Ricky, don't be teaching, telling kids they need to know how to fire guns. Well, what if there's a situation where you need to know how to use one and you don't? Well, just don't get into a situation like that, maybe. You don't need to teach kids how to fucking fire guns. They don't need to know how to fire guns. Well, if you're going to have a gun, it's better to know how to shoot it than to have a gun and not know how to shoot it. That's when people get hurt. Yeah, yeah.

Ricky, how many times have you been shot? I don't know. 11? You know how to fire a gun? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know how to fire a gun, and you've been shot 11 times, so you're... Not usually by me, though.

I've shot myself a couple times. That was an accident. Guess how many times I've shot myself. Moe shot me. Trinity shot me. Oh, I know. I was there. Moe blew a large portion of your sack off. Indeed. Thanks for fixing that up. I fixed it.

Crazy glue to shot. Yeah, you shouldn't even be getting... Most people don't get shot, Ricky, okay? I've only been shot once. You've, like, I... Most people don't get shot, Ricky, okay? I've only been shot once. You've, like, been shot way too many times. I guess that makes me lucky. I've got more lives than a kitty cat. Ricky, I had to fucking fix your vas deferens

with a pair of needle-nose pliers. I don't appreciate that. Probably should have just given me a vasectomy while you were in there. And I wouldn't have to be wearing bread bags on my unit. Ricky, you... I don't know if you know this or not,

but your balls don't work anymore. You didn't tell him. I didn't tell him. So I'm... I got no swimmers no man no Ricky the fucking cords

were both blown to bits why the fuck would you tell him that here I am a couple fucking marbles just rinsed them

condoms out the dishwasher and fucking using tin foil Jesus boys I tried to glue them back together Ricky

but Jesus I'm not a doctor I mean I guess I should still rock some of that stuff because some of the women are a little dirty. Well, okay.

You never know these days what you're putting things into. Yeah. Yeah, you just, yeah. Yeah. Well, some people have diseases, you know, like STDs, and they don't even know it. I might even have one and not know it. We all could have one.

Not me, baby. How would you know if you had one? Ah, you're pissing fire. I don't know, man. My piss is working good. Weird stuff coming out of you. I don't have any growths or anything. That's good, man.

That's all great news, Ricky. I'm glad we brought that up. What else do you have over there? There's not much going on, man. Nope. Here, I'll find something here, bubs. Oh, yeah, don't die, boys, because I'm not coming to your funerals. I'm not going to any more funerals.

Why? Why's that? Because there was one down in... Peru. Peru? And fucking 50 people got sick, nine died. At the funeral? Yeah. From eating some food or drinking something. So you fucking go to a funeral, you might die.

Aw, Ricky, you could... It's fucking terrible. Nobody went to the funeral. Just one... one died. Just a dead guy. Right. But, Ricky, I don't think it was because it was a funeral. It was just some bad food.

You could have that at fucking, you know, you could accidentally go to fucking wherever. Yeah, but maybe the funeral place are doing that so they get more business. So it is a little risky. I don't know. Take your chances, I guess. That would be quite a movie plot, wouldn't it?

A funeral company that's poisoning people at funerals. It's probably already been done, man. I don't think so. Get more business. You know what? It's a good idea. I need to take a nap, boys. I'm done.

Like, if you're gonna open a funeral home, you almost want to have a son that's a serial killer or something. Well, Dexter was on that other show about the funeral home, you almost want to have a son that's a serial killer or something. Well, Dexter was on that other show about the funeral home. Maybe there's something to that. Maybe there is some kind of weird connection. Six feet under. Remember the son, the weird son? That ended up being Dexter. The serial killer. Is that what happened to him?

Because he worked at a funeral home, he turned into a serial killer? No, he was a different character, Ricky. A whole different guy. He was an actor. Hmm. You know that when you see an actor in a movie, that's not really what they do for a living, right? Sometimes it's hard to tell.

No. It's called good acting, Ricky. Great performance. Yeah, but everything's based on something that happened in real life. Not really, man. Well, you can't just make up shit like that. Yeah, you can. I thought everything on TV and movies was based on real events. That's, Ricky.

Ricky. That's only when they have that up on the screen, when it says that. So what about Star Wars? Star Trek. People think that's happened Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, that's people from the future brought those tales back Alien shit, we don't know boys. This is how you watch TV in movies. We don't know nothing. I Can't even wrap my brain around what's going on over there, Pops.

He's all yours. All right. I'm fucking done. Jesus Christ. I feel right now. Piss out of me. All right, boys. I'm looking forward to the next one.

You know why? Why? Because Julian has agreed to do the next podcast shirtless. What? No, that didn't... What are you talking about, Bubs? You said you would do... No, I didn't, man.

The ratings are down, apparently, and you said I'll get the ratings up. Did you really see me sitting there having a conversation with you saying, Bubs, you know what? Next podcast, I think I'm gonna go shirtless, man. I... I think that's what's gonna happen. You might not remember, but you were drinking heavy,? Next podcast, I think I'm going to go shirtless, man. I think that's what's going to happen. You might not remember, but you were drinking heavy.

And I said, Julian, the ratings are really down. I don't forget anything. What can we do? And you said, don't worry, I'll fix it. And you went like this, and your shirt blew off. Your shirt disintegrated. I don't remember that, but let's see it. No, you're full of shit, man.

Maybe I should do something different. Go for it, man. All right. Why don't we give you a mohawk? Do I need a new style of some sort? Maybe a mohawk. A mohawk would be nice. I've had a mohawk.

What about a reverse mohawk? How's that work? Just right down the middle? Shave a strip right out of the center. Why don't we look... Corn beads or whatever they call them. And then you would look like, you know. How do you grow the dreads?

It takes a while, Ricky. You're not gonna have those for next week. Those take a while. Nanny dreads. They're gonna get natty. I don't know, should I get some new clothes? You could, yeah. Why don't we get you some new clothes? Tune in next week when Ricky's got new clothes.

What kind of style should I have?