Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 16 - From Sexian, With Love

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Bubbles and Randy discover the TRUTH behind Julian's sex party vacation! They also discuss Barbie botox, Pigeon Man, and a Tinder app from Hell. Plus: Let Julian romance you with his love letter!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. I just think, boys, a metal straw is the future. It's cold. Colder. That's all I'm saying. Look, you can see the frost on that, pups. I know, Randy. That's what I'm telling you.

I don't know why you won't try one. What are you doing? Because straws are for fucking idiots, okay? What were you going to say? I was going to say for pussies. All right? That's what I was going to say. You don't need a fucking straw.

Yes, you do, do you? Drink like a fucking man. Drink like... No, but here's what I'm saying. What? The straw sitting in the ice gets super cooled, and then when you suck the liquid through it, when it hits your lips, it's just like an arctic explosion.

Yeah, but it's... There's one step more than there should be when you're drinking. You don't need to suck. You just gotta, like... It helps you stir it. No energy. And you can keep it nicely stirred. No energy. Look, you stir it. And you can keep it nicely stirred.

In a drinking contest, I could drink a lot more than you could, believe me. But I'm not in a drinking contest. Well, if you were. I'm just saying you're using up weight. Life is not a drinking contest, Julian, despite what you might think. Just saying, man. I feel sorry for you. You can't enjoy a nice metal straw.

Yeah, but you know... Okay, so you gotta clean the fucking thing. And then you get used to it. I've got a tool for it. It's a pipe cleaner. Goes right down in. Oh, just like the swab test when you got chlamydia. Is that what you're saying?

Kind of the same thing? No, you don't go that deep with a... Oh, they go pretty fucking deep with those things. Not that deep. They can go in there, man. Well, I don't know what they're digging for in you. They must think you have prehistoric. I'm just saying, from what Ricky said,

he said somebody fucking swabbed tests that it goes, like, a mile in there. He doesn't know. He closes his eyes, and he imagines that's what it's doing. It's going in about that far, probably. I think it goes right into the fucking, right in there, man. No, it doesn't. Right up to the blood. No, catheter goes right the fucking, right in there, man. No, it doesn't. No, catheter goes right in. Shut the fuck up, Randy. What the fuck

are you doing here anyway? I'm here. Why are you hanging out with us so much? I told him he could come by and try out my metal straw. Get the fuck away from me. You need some lemon. It's good for digestion. A fucking lemon in my drink again. You piece of shit. Vitamin C, Julian. I get vitamin C.

He's been invited to test out my new straws. Well, God, he's probably. God knows what the fuck's on his fingers. He could have like little sperm still there. Fucking grease. Whatever the fuck. I'm not the one that has stuff on my fingers. You're the one that went to a big sex party.

Who went to a sex party? With a duffel bag full of dildos. Yeah, let's talk about that. A duffel bag full of fucks. Randy said he saw you leaving your trailer with a duffel bag full of dildos? Yeah, let's talk about that. Let's talk about that. Randy said he saw you leaving your trailer with a duffel bag that said sex toys.

Saw through the binoculars. Sex toys. Yep, that's what it was. I've got a bag that has labeled sex toys and I'm just cruising around with that, am I? That's what he said.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Randy? Your sex toys, Julian. It was SFX tools. I stole the bag from the backseat of this fucking dick. There was that movie being shot in downtown Dartmouth. Buddy had his fucking car unlocked. Special effects tools.

Yes, and I saw it. His door was unlocked. I grabbed the bag. Randy, you stupid bastard. Special effects butt plugs? For you? That's impressive, Julian. You know what I want to do?

I want to take five or ten Roman candles, ram them up your ass, and light them. Are they in your bag? The fuck that you brought to the big sex party? It wasn't a sex party. I was selling them back to those guys. They're dumb. For the whole weekend.

Special effects tools is what you had in the bag. Yeah, I don't know what the things were. They had these things that made, like, these sparks and... I don't fucking know. There's a bunch of tools. You fucking idiot, Randy. That sounds pretty legit. It was legit. I made 150 bucks off of it. I've been worrying for a week that he was at a sex party.

I got a few extra sex tools, Julian, if you need them. I mean, it's not a big deal. What kind of sex tools do you have, Randy? I got an array. Of what? Okay. An array? Your top three.

You thought that he might have one of those machines, those piston machines in the bag, so I got one secondhand. I was just saying, if it was a bag, it could have been holding a fuck machine. Oh, fuck, like a train. You can control it. You can steam it.

Well, one of those, you know. And it's got the hurt key. First pounders. You can put a train. You control it. Like a demon. Well, one of those, you know. And it's got the herky. Hard pounders. You can put a fist on it, Julian. Oh, congratulations, Randy. Fucking idiot. The last thing I want to picture is you with a fist fucking herky machine. What time is it?

Up your ass. You know what? Isn't it time for you to fucking leave? No, I'm having a nice drink here. So, okay, what's up with this, Bob? So you guys like drinking buddies now? No, I just wanted somebody to enjoy my little straws that I got. And when I asked you this morning, do you want to get drunk?

You said, no, I'm not drinking today. Look at you. I don't, I mean, I don't want to get fucking, I don't want to drink all day. Which is what you wouldn't do. Fucking, I don't want to drink all day. Why not? Which is what you wouldn't do. I just wanted to have a nice, refreshing drink with somebody who's going to have a pleasant conversation.

Oh, well, you're okay. And not yell. All right, let's have a conversation about sex toys and fucking piston herkies. Well, no, I wasn't planning on talking about that. Well, that's what happens when you hang with your buddy that has fucking... I'm ready for that conversation. Let's do it. Randy, I don't...

You're making me look bad. I'm trying to stick up for you. Julian, you look nice today. Shut up, Randy. Yeah, you look good. Your beard is really thick. Where's Ricky? What's going on? Why isn't he back yet? He's still in jail. I'm not going in to visit him.

I called down there and fucking Ronnie said he's in solitary again. What did he do? He didn't say. But he said it was not good and it involved fecal matter. You know what? I bet you he's making a shit ton of money In there And he's just not telling us No I don't think so Shit fight probably

I think he got in a shit fight Yeah In a shit fight I think so Some people save the shit So that they have more shit To throw later They put it in a pizza box

Yeah Where the fuck Are they going to get A pizza box in jail Randy I don't know Domino's You can't order Fucking fast food at the jail.

You can't do if you talk to Gorilla Fingers. Oh, okay, so you got to do something for Gorilla Fingers. No, if you buy him now what he's doing, just if you buy him lunch, he'll let you order lunch. Trailer looks good, Bubbles. You did a really good job. It was not easy. It was fucking filthy.

Holy fuck, Bubbs. I didn't even notice that, man. Oh, yeah, I tidied up. Tidied up, organized some things for Ricky. Got his cassette tapes reorganized. Those were all over the fucking booth. Nice, man. Good job.

Yeah. Anyway, can we get on with this fucking podcast? Who's going to host it today? I think you are. All right, what's going on? This is Parak after Dirk. Don't know what the date is. That was a long intro, wasn't it?

Kind of. We've been talking for 10 minutes, I bet. It's annoying. We missed you, Julian. To fucking see this guy on my show. I miss you when you're not here. That still doesn't explain where you've been, though. It didn't take you a fucking week to sell some special effects tools.

Something's still fishy about your whereabouts. I went on a bit of a journey, Bubz. Okay? Kind of a journey. You want to know? Looking for, like... Ayahuasca? No, not ayahuasca.

Ladies. A lady? A special lady. Singular. Just one. So what were you doing? Bouncing around the province? I went up to fucking, I got onto the social media stuff.

There's a girl that lives up in the Cabot Trail. You went to the Cabot Trail without me? I went to the Cabot Trail. Beautiful. It was very nice there, by the way. Why couldn't you bring me? I didn't need to tag along when you were going to meet the lady. Because I was trying to get banged, Bubz.

I'm not bringing you on a fucking date. But I could have just jumped out at the start of the trail with my tent. I would have went tenting. You got to be careful of the moose up there. Big moose. When you're in a car, Randy, you don't got to worry about them too much in the woods. They're not going to attack you. You're in a tent.

Well, they might attack you because they smell. Oh, you. Yeah. They smell like a big fucking. Moose calls. You know what? What? Moose calls.

Like when you're trying to call. You know what? When you snore, you sound like a fucking moose in heat. You're listening to me sleep, Jimmy? Everybody can fucking hear you snore, man. A moose might want to just fucking come right aboard you, Randy, and just impale you. You know what?

I bet you he could take a moose. Like, take. Not say in a fight. You could take one. They're dangerous. Very dangerous. They'll charge. You think Randy could handle a moose in the sack?

Big time. Big time. I knew a guy named Moose. Did he have, like, a moose bits? I don't know why they call him Moose, because sack. Big time. Big time. I knew a guy named Moose. Did he have like a Moose bits? I don't know why they call him Moose because he was just little. All right. We're going to get personal here, Randy. Okay?

And you can answer if you want to. What is the biggest thing that's ever been inside of you? I'd say probably a quadruple burger. That's big. A quadruple burger. That's big. Quadruple burger? Yeah, four patties. Four pups. You can put four.

He's not talking about things you've eaten, Randy. Well, that's a big burger. He's talking about the biggest thing. That's almost a pound of meat. Not this hole. Another one. Tulian, that's none of your business. Well, that's what I said.

I left that up to you. But I'm just saying, maybe you could take him on a moose. I think you could. Well, there was that time he had that, you know, he stole all the pylons from the rink. We don't know what he was doing with those. That's back when he was young. Cording off areas.

That's back in his experimental days. Yeah. What do you call that when you put them around an area? Like cording off? What is it? Cording off, yes. Is that what it's called? No, it's called pylon fucking.

That's what you call it. It wasn't fucking pylons. Everybody knows. It's to keep people safe in the park. It's called pylon squatting. That's right. All right. Speaking of dumb, and we were, this fucking guy.

You ever hear of the the world's like largest most powerful water fountain? Like we've been to Vegas you know. Yeah. To see the fountains and shit.

That's nothing compared to this one. At the Bellagio. Yeah. This one. There's one at the Lake Geneva fountain. And this motherfucker

it goes to a height of 460 feet. We're talking about 500 liters of water comes out of this fucking fountain a second. Anyway, there's a guy. How many gallons is that? 10 more than 490.

I don't fucking know. Anyways, 200 kilometers an hour, that's how fast the water is. Someone as dumb as you decided they're going to hop the fence, go over, and fucking get on top of this thing.

What did it do? It shot them right in the air. Missed fire one time. It blew them back. So he said, fuck this, I'm going to try it again. But he got on it.

Dead. Went way up. Nope. Went way up. Came down. Bang. Right under the concrete pad at the bottom of it.

Didn't die. Hopped into the water, tried to get away. He got arrested. Don't know what the fuck's wrong with him. How high did it shoot him? Not sure, man. It went like 200 kilometer fucking, you know, that's like getting hit by a fucking race car.

Yeah, I'd say he went up at least 100 feet. They got those sea dudes that shoot the jet packs up in the air. You put it on and the thrust from the sea-doo shoots you up. You ever see them? You're not supposed to sit on that fucking thing of water. You don't jam the nozzle up your arse, Randy. What is wrong with you? He jammed the nozzle up his arse?

No. No. I'm saying you probably would. No. I'm saying, you probably would. No. Give yourself a fucking... Although an enema is supposed to be good for you. It clears out bacteria. Well, why don't we go over to Lake Geneva,

and you could sit on this fountain. We'll give you a good one. Get a fucking 200-mile-an-hour fucking enema. I will pay you 100 bucks to sit on this fountain. One time, I went on behind a boat on one of those tubes and was lake tubing. And then I flew off and water did, I did get a lake out of my, because I hit the water wrong. Water went up your hole.

It did. Yeah. But it was a clean lake, so it's okay. Randy, your stories are fucked. And so are you. Was there a bass? You didn't get a bass or anything? No, no.

I didn't see any anyway. You wouldn't even know if there was one in there, probably. There might have been. Holy fuck. Bob, I know you think that you're a bit of a fashion kind of guy. Sometimes. I am. Nice shirt.

Check this out. Would you wear this fucking thing? I can't see it. It's not very big. Oh, I am. Nice shirt. Check this out. Would you wear this fucking thing? I can't see it. It's not very big. Oh, it's full fucking... It's a padded jacket. Oh, it's a keyboard jacket. It's a keyboard jacket.

I'd wear that. I'd rock that. What kind of a fucking idiot would wear that? A what jacket? Keyboard. It's like a keyboard. It's a keyboard. What, it plays music?

It's all over the thing. No, it's a computer keyboard. Oh. See, it's got control, alt, delete on it. It's a keyboard. What, it plays music? It's all over the thing. No, it's a computer keyboard. Oh. See, it's got control alt delete on it. Page down, return, shift. That's hilarious. I think it'd be better if it played music. That'd be kinda neat.

Well, look at that, and the control shift are both right where the nips are, too. Yeah. Control shift. Your nips are coming right out your shirt today, Julian. God, I want to... Why don't you make us something to eat, Randy? I don't think there's anything here. Ricky hasn't been here forever.

Why don't you skip down to the store and get us some snacks? We could make some salami tugboats. Oh, I'd fucking... I'd do anything for a salami tugboat, Randy. Salami Doritos and slices of cheese? Salami, Doritos, grated cheese, and mayonnaise. Oh. That's what we need for those.

How can people be so stupid? People are dumb out there, Bob. There's this dude named Toshitaka Suzuki. He's a professor. Toshitaka? Toshitaka. They make motorcycles. Okay, so this guy,

I'm trying to fucking get a story out here, all right? Just shut up, Randy. Toshitaka. Toshitaka. He's this guy. Ornithologist. Okay? Bird behavior expert.

Yeah. So he's going out to the woods, right? And he's, uh... Something exploded in the park. For fuck's sakes. It's just a garbage truck. Jesus fuck. A garbage truck.

Anyway... I thought it was bombs. No, no. Fucking Donnie. What the fuck? Is he doing that to piss us off? Donnie's losing it. This is garbage day. That's what they do. No, Donnie works for the fuck? Is he doing that to piss us off? Donnie's losing it. This is garbage day. That's what they do.

No, Donnie works for the garbage company now. Yeah, how many times has he got a fucking... Donnie works on the garbage truck now. He's probably wrecking the park, Randy. Okay. Anyway, this guy. So he goes out. He's studying these fucking birds, right?

They're making these chirps that are saying basically danger danger chirps right yeah right that's warning warning yeah whatever so anyway this guy's like you know what i'm gonna fucking do i'm gonna trick these birds he built this fucking head that looks like a pigeon and he's like i'm gonna walk into this fucking forest you're not gonna recognize me as a human because anytime a human walked in they had these like danger fucking danger ones he's like fuck that i want to be in the natural environment where these guys are happy and they're like doing chirps want to get fucked or something right yeah so that's what they're doing so he gets out there he spent a whole

fucking year okay you gotta you got to see pictures. This guy, like that. This guy. That's one year with that fucking thing on his head. Pigeon man. That is the professor who thought that would fucking work. Did it? Oh, no, the birds are going to think I'm one of them, right? They're going to have mating calls.

Just a gigantic fucking bird. They thought he was Big Bird. Didn't work. Mission failure. They can probably smell him. The guy's not flying in, man. He's got a jacket on. Birds are smarter than that. Ostriches are big birds.

Birds don't just sit there and take a sandwich out of the backpack and start eating it. You know what I mean? If he was going to do it, he needed to go full bird suit and come in on a wire. But you know what? So if anybody's being talked to by Takashika Suzuki at this fucking school, the guy's an idiot. You're wasting your money.

He does sound a bit fucked, I got to be honest. Well, he didn't have to comb his hair because he had the bird hat on. Yeah, but he needed to commit to a full bird suit and rig up a wire so he comes in like from the sky. That's right. Eating bird seed, whatever, man. Not all birds can fly. Big Bird can't fly.

Big Bird was not real, Randy. He was on Sesame Street. Well, he had feathers all over him. Least. You know Big Bird had a human in him, right? His friend was Snuffleupagus. You know Big Bird had a human in him, right? His friend was Snuffleupagus. You know what? We should ship him off to Japan.

Go fucking be taught life by this bird. He could infiltrate the walruses. I think Mr. Suzuki gave it. He had a nice... If we put a fucking... If we put a hippopotamus helmet on him, he might be able to infiltrate the hippopotamus. Oh, fuck. No, they're dangerous. No, don't. You put a hippo... helmet on him, he might be able to infiltrate the hippo. Oh, fuck.

No, they're dangerous. No, don't. You put a hippo, you know what? Chomp strength. I don't think he even needs a hippo head. He just needs some makeup. Hippos have the biggest force of any biting animal. Yeah, they do.

Bigger than a crocodile and a great white shark. I saw it on the danger channel. Oh, I believe it. Big cocksuckers can bite, and they just got those big nub teeth and they can run not even sharp they can run fast faster than me they can swim pretty fast too yeah yeah they're fucking dangerous cock suckers i wouldn't want to run into a real hippo that's why the game hungry hungry hippos was so popular because they're hungry what the fuck does that that doesn't make any sense.

Randy. What? It's just a fucking stupid game. How do you think they get so big doing it? It's a stupid game. Hungry hippo. That was a big game. Number one.

Who made it? I guarantee you any kid playing hungry hippo, a hippo does not know anything about a fucking hippo. A kid playing hungry hippo would probably go up and say, nice hippo. And they'd get eaten. It's still cold, bub. It's still cold, Bubs. It's still cold.

I know. Randy the Straw is just unbelievable. Bubs, would you pay $450 for a unique picnic dangling 295 feet above a thundering waterfall? Yeah. No, you wouldn't. Sure I would. $450.

Well, no, I wouldn't pay $450. Well, these stupid motherfuckers did. Oh, my. What are they doing? They're having a little snack. Hanging there on a fucking... On a goddamn picnic table. Hanging from wires above a fucking waterfall.

Eating snacks. Wow, they're pretty fucked. They could bungee jump with that. Imagine bungee jumping trying to eat. I mean, I'd go out and sit with them, but I wouldn't pay any money to do it. No, man, you know what? They get like a glass of wine and some snacks,

so probably some cheese or something. 450 bucks. Fuck that. Yeah, that's a bit weird. Are you ratcheted right to the table, or what if you fall off backwards? Are you dead? You're fucked.

You know you're signing some kind of a, you know... So they're not tethered to anything? Oh, yeah, they're tethered, man. They're tethered. All right, here we go. I knew this was gonna happen. AI-powered app lets you chat with Jesus and other biblical figures.

These guys are making a lot of money. There's a lot of people that want to talk to Jesus. And they think they're doing it. And they think they're doing it, but they're just getting fucking soaked. All right, that's a big cheers to whoever came up with that technology. Yeah, but, I mean, then you can get right into the deep philosophical. I mean, then you can get right into the deep philosophical. Maybe you are talking to Jesus because the machine could be a higher power. Come on, Bob.

The machine's smarter than you. No, Bob. Yes, it is. No, no, no, no. It's intelligent, Julian. It's a program, man. No, but it's Yes, it is. No, no, no, no. It's intelligent, dude. It's a program, man. No, but it's intelligent. Artificially. So maybe that, to some people, is Jesus.

All right. You know what? We'll see how this works out for these guys. There's another flip to this. Oh, no. I think it's a con, man. Don't get me wrong. Okay, but there is a good flip side to this one.

Why? How about you want to talk, text with the fucking devil? Oh no, I think it's a con, man. Don't get me wrong. Okay, but there is a good flip side to this one. What? How about you want to talk, text with the fucking devil? You want to talk to that cranky old fuck? Yes, you want to talk to Satan? You want to talk to Satan for a little while? We should get that fired up. What could we call it? Devil chat.

Devil chat. That's a good name. You know what? Then we can come up with devil Tinder. Devil chat. Devil fix it yourself. What's a good name. You know what? Then we can come up with Devil Tinder, Devil Chat, Devil Fix It Yourself. What's Devil Tinder? Get some real dirty shit going. You can sell a lot of deviled eggs, too. Randy, just fuck off for five more minutes, please.

They're delicious. Just five more. Just shut up. Paprika. Devil Tinder. Devil Tinder. The dirtiest place on the internet. Yep. Satan's. The dirtiest place on the internet. Yep.

Satan's. Satan's fucking hookup site. I don't know. There's some fucked up people out there. Yeah. There is. Could make us millions. Why are the sixes so bad?

Six, six, six. What's it mean? It's the number of the beast, you dumb fuck. What beast? You heard. The beast. What's it mean? It's the number of the beast, you dumb fuck. What beast? And you heard our- The beast. The beast, the devil. The devil.

He is the beast. That's his phone number? Six, six, six? I don't get it. Randy. You don't get much of anything, do you? Well, sometimes I do. That's his area code.

Yeah. That's his area code. Six, six, six is the area code for how. Wow. Like, I don't know about this next story, man. This is really weird. A French town uses deliberately confusing road markings to discourage speeders.

This would fuck you up if you're driving down the road in mushrooms and you came through this fucking town what in the freak and you're not allowed to cross over a solid line randy you know that that's fake that is not fake i don't know about that it's a stop in between you got to come through this fucking town to get through these two exits and gets real busy for like supper time. So they're like, fuck you. It's a 50, 50 kilometer an hour zone.

People like fly through there doing a hundred and something. They need Cosmo Kramer because he, on Seinfeld, he bought a piece of highway and he painted the lines on it. That's what they need and him to fix that up.

Make him straight. What the fuck are you talking about, Randy? Cosmo Kramer? Yeah, from his own show. I know, but what did he He bought a little chunk of highway and then he wanted to make the lanes bigger and more comfortable, but

it freaked up the traffic patterns. I don't remember Kramer buying a piece of highway. Would you fucking watch that on Dateline? It's a TV show, dumb fuck. It's not real. I find it very funny. I like it. How did the series end?

I think they all, I think they got sent to jail or something because they were just kind of mean, making fun of people all the time. They did, didn't they? Am I wrong, or did they all wind up in jail? They went to court or something. Yeah, or they got...

I don't know how it ended, man. Community service, maybe they had to... I think they were in a jail cell, a court or something. Yeah, or they got... Sonville? Yeah. I don't know how it ended, man. Community service, maybe they had to... I think they were in a jail cell, I swear to fuck. Yeah. I wonder how long they got sentenced for. A few, probably a few months. You could look that up on your smart box. Yes, but I'm also looking at something else here first, Bubz.

Barbie, you know Barbie's... Barbie's a... No, Barbie's a big thing these days, right? Barbie's big. It's huge. They get that movie out. Now, people want to look like Burby, like all kinds of people. Dressing in pink.

This is another one. This is called Burby Botox. All right? A procedure in which Botox is injected into the trap muscles in order to make the neck look longer like a fucking doll right so people are getting this done to have big long necks you want to see the big reveal because i don't fucking see it i don't know i don't know what this like you just do neck stretches that's all you do shut up randy you don't do neck stretches. This is what, okay, so this is the big reveal.

I've been taking Botox in the traps, this chick, for a month. Ta-da! Get the, like, get the fuck out of there. You wasted your money, lady. It didn't do anything. Didn't do anything. It actually made her neck look shorter. It did. That's what I'm saying.

Because it made her traps bigger. Hey, let the people decide. Is this chick fucked or is she not fucked? No, she's fucked. How much did she pay for the Barbie neck? Probably a lot, man. I'd say in the thousands. Who wants a Barbie neck? Okay, and this is another thing. You ladies out there that want a Barbie neck, guys will never say, honey, can you stretch your neck out a bit? I think it really turns me on. Can you get that done? Guys will never say, honey, can you stretch your neck out a bit? I think it really turns me on. Can you get that done? Guys will never say that. Just like guys will never say, honey, can you make those eyelashes fucking like 10 times bigger?

They're not big enough. Guys don't make that shit. Yeah, I look like Tammy Faye Baker. We don't say that shit. We hate those. You're banging and you're getting like all of a sudden you get an eyelash in your mouth and you're like, what the fuck is that? Ruins it. What are you doing? Licking her eye?

Well, you just, you know, when you... You just fly around, Randy. When you're with a lady and you're being passionate and, you know, shit happens. Passionate? Well, you know what I mean. Mr. Passionate. Romantic. Mr. Romantic.

Ever since his trip up to Cape Breton, he's really romantic. Well, I know a little bit more, I think, about romance than you do, Randy. That's not true. I'm very romantic. Yeah, you and your big fucking tool bag of herkies, huh? That's not romantic. You ever write a love letter, Julian? Maybe I have.

Give us one. I'm not, you're not, you're not, no. I'm not against this idea. I would like to hear your love letter. Love letter. Pretend my name's Randay. I could never know Randay. Randette.

Randette. French. Randalla. Randette. Randalla. Dear, yeah, Randalla. Dear Randalla. Dear Randalla.

What do you say? Dear Randalla. Fuck off, okay? That's all I can say. That doesn't sound like a very nice word. No, I know what you're trying. You're trying to get me to be romantic to you. You're getting on my ass.

Are you blushing right now? No, I'm not, man. No, but okay, let's say just a fictional person that's not Randy. Let's hear your opening line and your love line. Hey, honey. Honey. These days that I've spent with you have been the best days of my life. Oh, okay.

Every time you come into the room, my face, my smile lights up with love. It's not bad. No, it can get a lot better. See, because I'm talking to you guys. I don't like sharing my shit with you guys. That gave me a little bit of a... Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You made Randy hurt. Julian made Randy hurt. No, I did not. Julian, I haven't heard any sweet words like that for a long time. Did you get a chub on Randy? It's kind of, yeah, it's going down now. Thanks, Bob. Thank you.

You knew that was going to happen, didn't you? Chubby-doo. I've got new respect for you, Julian. You've got feelings. I always knew it. Always did. Always knew Julian was a big softy. Holy fuck, this poor kid.

Could go in there, Mom and Dad. All right, so this seven-year-old boy, they're cruising down the highway. See this big pile of white shit on the side of the road, right? Yeah. And they live in this Brazil where they don't get get snow like where these guys are at yeah very warm so anyway they pull over the kids like can i want to go play in the fucking pile of white shit so cocaine no jesus salt so there's the poor little fella. Thumbs up. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Take a picture of me playing in this white shit. Fat shit. Nope.

Salt. Buddy gets up. Let's get back in the car. Brushes himself off. Dies. He was playing on limestone. Oh, no. You don't breathe that shit in.

No. No. No. Kills moss, though. So I guess they could be suing the people that threw it there, this fucking company. I don't know. Limestone.

It's limestone, man. Why would the parents let him play in an unknown fucking substance? Because they're fucking idiots. Yeah, I don't have a lot to say. I thought it was going to be a big pile of cocaine that fell off a truck. Do you think he would have died? No, he would have been fucking feeling great, though.

All wrapped up. Unbelievable. Holy shit. Okay, this is a story. We don't have much time left, but this is fucking unbelievable. This dude, he's a Mexican fella.

He considers himself very, very lucky because he got shot in the head twice, point blank. The bullets ricocheted off his fucking

melanin. Jesus, he's got a hard head, man. He had two little fucking marks. One, ding! What,

he got metal plate in his head? Nope. Why would bullets ricochet off bullets? Don't know, man. He got lucky. He got extremely lucky, man.? Nope. Why would bullets ricochet off? Don't know, man. He got lucky. He got extremely lucky, man.

Probably the angle, I'd say. They don't know who the fuck did it, but he's alive. Maybe a bit of a headache. He just got some streaks on his head? Got a couple streaks, yeah. Got a little bit bloody there, but he's alive, man. This guy's fucking used to go get a lottery ticket. You know what I mean?

I heard that different things like.22s will ricochet off a crow. Shut the fuck up, Randy. And on that note, fuck you. I'm out of here. Bubz, good seeing you. All right. Just had enough, Randy. He's fucking annoying me.

I got to get out of here. You going to go see your lady friend again, John? Fuck off. He's going to get his bag of sex toys. Yeah, and he's going to write a love letter, I think. I don't buy that special effects tool story. Neither do I. Definitely said sex bag.

We'll dig into this further. See ya, everybody! To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app.