Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 164 - Der Friggin', Amsterdam!

Episode Date: October 8, 2018

This week's podHASH comes to you from a boat, in a canal, in Amsterdam! Ricky can't wait visit every hash shop in town, Julian's ready to romance the ladies in the Red Light District, and Bubbles ponders a canal bike-hauling business. The Boys also have some greasy plans for Randy... Episode 164 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, and the Boys' own Freedom 35 lager!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. There, you're going to do your big fancy start that you always do. What, is the cameras fucking on? Yes, yes. What's up, fuckers? This is the trailer. See, boys, I'm all fucked up here.

It feels like we're gonna fucking flip over. We're not gonna flip over. We might. I secured the fucking thing to the dock. All right, let me go. I'm gonna take another go on. We got things to do. All right, what's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you right now.

This is episode one. What the fuck episode is it? 170? 163. 163. 163. Or whatever the fuck it is. We're in Amsterdam right now in a fucking boat.

Yes. A lovely little seaworthy boat. It's not. I don't get this. We're in Amsterdam. Yeah. We need to go to the coffee shops. And I've got all kinds of facts here about Amsterdam.

Do you have a map that lists all the coffee shops? Because I would like to have one of those printed out, please. Ricky, you've been at every one of them already. I've been to one. It's like going to Disneyland and going on one ride. Come on. One? Ricky, you went on a fucking hash pub crawl yesterday. I don't think I saw that many of them. I know that you were in at least 27 coffee shops yesterday.

There's more than that. Boys, we're in Amsterdam. We don't need to be sitting on some weird boat. They got big cheeseburgers too, like really thick cheeseburgers. Why in the fuck is he on this boat with us? Good question, Julian. He's holding my umbrella. I've got Gallican equipment.

It's worth us flipping over having him on the fucking boat. Sometimes it rains in Amsterdam for fricking... Ricky, don't make us tip. I've got delicate equipment. It's worth us flipping over, having him on the fucking boat. Sometimes it rains in Amsterdam for fixing. Ricky, don't make us tip. I don't want to go in. I have delicate equipment, and he needs to hold my umbrella. So he's your assistant now? He's like me. Is he doing any other favors for you, bubs?

You're nuts. What? What delicate equipment are you talking about? This. Cock and balls? This little machine here. Nice one, Rick. Here's a little guy. Oh, look at the little duck. What kind of bird is this? you talking about? Yes! Cock and balls? Nice little machine. Nice one, Rick.

Here's a little guy. What kind of bird is this? I don't know, man. He looks like his head's not all there. He looks like a shit duck. Hey, bud. You're missing a bird in your head. He's a nice boy.

Like a marshmallow. Who's a nice boy? Hey, bud. He's probably a bitey. He's probably a bitey type. I hope he snaps and rips your fucking finger right off. I think he wants to bat a trillion. I think he wants to come in the boat.

He's attracted to the black t-shirts. Shut the fuck up. They like mussels here. The birds like wants to ban Julian. I think he wants to come in the ballroom. He's attracted to the black t-shirt. They like mussels here. The birds like mussels, Julian. You got big ones. He can probably smell the protein. Randy, you know what? Randy, no more talking for the rest of this podcast. Julian, I'm allowed to. I'm here.

You're a fucking idiot. Okay, so yes, I'm very excited. Okay, Buffs, tell us a bit about the history of this place. Let's go with this amazing time. Okay. Here we go. Lots of fun, man. Because this is why we should be at a coffee shop. Ten fun facts about Amsterdam. Here we go. Number one.

Fuck. There are 165 canals in Amsterdam. Bet you didn't know that. That's all my fuck. Didn't really change. And this is one of them, huh? It did change really change. And this is one of them, huh?

It did change, Ricky. You just learned something. I forget what it was already. There's 161 lakes in Dartmouth. How many? Is there? 165? Yeah.

I bet there's 165 coffee shops, too. I bet you there's even more than that, Ricky. With 165 different types of hash each. Ricky. From 165 fucking countries that fucking make hashish. Do you have any hash on you? One type. Well, roll some up then.

Maybe I will. Well, at least, you know, that'll get us through this fucking podcast. Because there's also something here. This is a fact. There's something called the Red Light District. Bubz. I know what the Red Light District is. And there's ladies that are like in little swimsuits

and stuff, just standing at the windows. Do you recall last time we were here? I know, that's what I'm saying. When I went in and did the dirty? We should have did the podcast in the Red Light District. That's all I'm saying. I did the nasty, baby. You want to believe it.

I thought you did. Oh, you did the nasty, did you? Oh, I did. You talked to her. I did some grinding. You did some grinding. I did some grinding. Babs, that really doesn't count, bud.

Are there cheeseburgers in the red light district? If I gave you the number three, what do you think that's significant of in Amsterdam? Different types of hash, maybe? Ricky, everything is not about hash. Do they have cheeseburgers at the hash stores? Yeah, yeah, they do. Let's go right now, Randy. We should get this done and go get some hash and cheeseburgers.

All right, Buzz, what's the number three? What's the significance of number three? That's the number of X's in Amsterdam's coat of arms. What? It's just three X's, like porno. Are you serious? Yes. See, that is what makes this place so fucking cool.

Triple X was a good movie. The triple X on the city's coat of arms does not stand for pornography, so get your mind out of the gutter. I immediately thought... Is Vin Diesel from here? It's not that triple X. You know what, Bugs? I hear moonshine in cartoons usually has three X's,

so is there something to do with that? What does? Three X's like on a bottle of moonshine in cartoons usually has three X's. So is there something to do with that? What does? Three X's like on a bottle of moonshine? Most historians say they represent crosses of St. Andrew. He was a fisherman who was murdered on an X-shaped cross in the first century. He helps you find things. St. Andrew. Well, he was murdered on a cross, an X-shaped cross in the first century.

St. Anthony's the one that helps you find things, you stupid, stupid fucking idiot. No, St. Andrew, I think. It's St. Anthony, you dumb cunt. St. Anthony, Randy. Maybe we should put you on a cross and see what happens. Let's do it, man. Let's crucify this fat piece of shit today. What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Put the umbrella down for a second, you fucking idiot. I can't see the nice background. There's a big boat coming through. You're a dumbass. Way to go, Randy. Close your umbrella. It's not raining, Randy. I'm trying to protect the friggin' technology. It's not raining. Okay, listen to this, boys.

11 million. What do you think that number represents? The amount of times I want to get high on this trip. The amount of chicks that are dancing in front of windows right now in bikinis. Nope. What? Neither of those. Population. 11 million is the approximate number of wooden poles that support Amsterdam's buildings.

All of the structures in the city are supported by 15 to 20 meter long wooden poles that sink through the mud and are fixed in a sandy layer 11 meters deep on average. Pups, not buying it. That's a lot of poles. Jesus the fuck. Well just think about it, every house that we walk by has an average of ten fucking poles underneath stuck in the mud holding the cocksucker up. You don't find that fascinating?

Alright, you know what boys, there's a boat coming. There's no way that those buildings over there got poles of wood coming out of the guts. Please let there be some chicks in bikinis on these fucking boats. Please. Nope. No hash either. Behind you, big one. There's your...

I'm having a wonderful time. What do you say to people when they go buying boats? Is there some nautical thing? You say, uh... Hey! Ahoy there. Ahoy there. Ahoy there. You got any hash? Der... Derfragan. Derfragan. You yelled Derfragan.

Defragan? Fregan! Derfragan with me. Fregan! Got any hash? Defragan. Fregan. Hash for cash.

Hash for cash. Do we even have any money, boys? Look, they're out on a nice... Defragan! They're out on a nice... The friggin'... They're out on a nice cruise. Hello, friggin'! You're out on a nice cruise! Right on.

Yeah, friggin'! Ash. Friggin'. There we go, there's more people. Friggin', Ash! Hello? Yes? What's the... what are the rules on the... smoking the hash in the Publix?

Anywhere you want, man. Really? Yeah. So this is totally cool? Well, you know what's really cool, boys? This is giving you a taste of what it's gonna be like in Canada soon. This is it. Well, there's not gonna be fucking 165 canals, is there?

There's going to be 161 lakes that are already there and bubbles. I'm talking about the fucking, the weed becoming legalized. I don't think you're allowed to smoke hash outside when it's legal.

Speaking of smoking hash, Chipper's getting high as we speak, I see. Well, no, I think everybody should be getting high here. I can't believe I'm in Amsterdam with one type of hash. 25,000. What do you think that number represents?

Number of cheeseburger places? God, Randy, would you shut the fuck up? God, that's all you think about? If you mention cheeseburgers one more time... What does it represent? Let's fucking learn something. Get me learned. 25,000? That's the number of bicycles that end up in Amsterdam's canals each year.

Shut up. No. How? Well, Ricky, who likes throwing bikes in the water more than you do? All right, bubs. That's a lot, though. Here's an idea for you. You're good at carts. You can fix a bike, right?

Jesus, I'm great at bikes. If we moved here and we fucking dragged this fucking canal... I could start a bike salvage fucking... I could set up the business, man. I could find a single spot... I could set up a bike salvage thing. You know when I throw the claw out in the lakes. I know.

Imagine if I threw the claw out here and just started dragging in bikes. Do it right now. But they'd be fucked. Business partners. They'd be fucked. You know what you do? You put the bikes in Coca-Cola and it gets rid of all the rust. So right now it says there's probably anywhere

between 8,000 and 10,000 bikes lurking under the waters of these canals. Ghost bikes. A hundred bucks a bike? That's 80 grand. That's a lot of fucking cash. But I mean, they're all not going to be salvageable, that's for sure. Well, you'll have parts for fucking ever, man. Think about it.

It is? Pretty good they for fucking ever, man. Think about it. It is. Pretty good. They'd be rusty, though. To freak off. Hello. How are you? To freak off. What's he say? To freak off? See, I love this. I could sit here all day just waving to people. That means hello over here.

Amsterdam is fantastic. You know what? You guys stay here all day. I'm just gonna go for a little swap of boat. 1,515. What do you think that is, Ricky? The amount of grams you can carry on at one time. You think you can carry a kilo and a half? I'd be wicked if you could. Why couldn't you? I think there is limits, which I'm probably over.

That's the number of bars and cafes in Amsterdam. How many? Are you kidding me? 1,515. There you go. What are we doing here? Those aren't all those type. It says that's a lot of Heineken. That's a lot of fucking rum, too. Heineken's good. With the cheeseburger.

Four. What do you think the number four represents? The fucking amount of times I'm gonna try to kill Randy today. He fucking says the word cheeseburger all the time. I'm with you, man. Oh my god. That's the number of meters Shipall, Amsterdam's airport, sits below sea level. Four meters below sea level. Imagine that.

That's not good. That's fascinating. What if it had a tsunami? They have a flood. They're gonna be in trouble. Four meters, that's what? That's 12 feet? Depends.

That's 12 feet. Depends who's doing the math. 1,281. What do you think, boys? The year that the city got its first flag. Correct. The year the city got its first flag. Correct. The year the city got its first flag. Yes! Nice work Ricky.

Buzz, you know what you should do? It's the number of bridges in all of Amsterdam. How many? Wow. 1,281 fucking bridges. Imagine all the trolls that live here. Your mum must have lived here. Oh. Mother jokes are so lame.

You fucking say mother jokes to me all the time, man. I don't, I never do. How many times have you fucking dissed my mother? 881,000, what do you think that is? The amount of cocksuckers- The amount of sailors your mother sucked off in Amsterdam. I beat you to it. The amount of sailors your mother filleted in Amsterdam.

Oh, fuck. 881,000, that's the number. Holy shitballs. What is it? 881,000 is approximately the number of bicycles in Amsterdam. The other number was just the ones underwater. That's a lot. 881,000 bicycles.

How many people would you say live here? Ricky, is there like a... What kind of boat is this? Aluminum. Aluminum. No, no, what brand? You should look up what kind of boat this is because... It's a boatie.

It's a boatie boat. Couple cut these fucking lines and we got a boat. We're not stealing this boat. What would be the point? You could easily sell a fucking boat like this, man. What is that over there? Is that something floating that's asleep? It's a dog walking down the sidewalk, man.

No, man. It's in the water, man. What the fuck is that? He's a... Yeah, he's fucked. He's got a broken neck. He's heading to the hospital. He's heading to the dock hospital He's heading to the dock hospital.

Swimming to the dock hospital. Oh, yeah, I just saw a parrot. A parrot? How the fuck would they have a parrot here? Why wouldn't they have a parrot here? I thought parrots were a tropical type of a bird. No, there's parrots in... There's parrots in New York City.

There's a whole flock of parrots in New York City. There's a whole flock of parrots that got out of the Budweiser building. Paraguay. There's parrots in Paraguay. Hawaii. Isn't that a place? Paraguay is not a place, Ricky. There's coconuts.

Coconuts in Hawaii. I wish I had a coconut because I'd fucking smash it right against the side of your big fucking head, Randy. That's not nice, Julian. Speaking of not nice. 2,500, boys. 2,500 is the approximate number of houseboats in Amsterdam. That's cool. I would love to live on a houseboat.

How many ladies is there, Bob, in the Red Lake District working at one time? 20 million. What do you think that number is? That's the approximate number of tourists and day trippers who visit Amsterdam in a year. I wonder how many of them go to the coffee shops and buy different types of hash. 20 million, imagine that.

Fuck! 20 million. Imagine if I had 20 types of hash right now, how happy I'd be. Well, I mean, it's... But, you know, these fun facts with numbers... Let's just enjoy the scenery. I guess is a good time, but...

Let's just enjoy the scenery. You want me to find out how many prostitutes there are in here? Yes, please. Okay, let me just go back here. One page. Oh, my God. You know what? It's not that fucking warm here, huh? It's also fucking not very comfortable on the ash-ish.

Did you just say ash-ish? Yeah. Ricky, you gonna light that thing up, or what's going on here? I'm too fucking pissed off, boys. What are you pissed off about? One of the greatest fucking countries in the world, and we're sitting in a little aluminum boat with Randy smelling like a fucking shit beast.

Tell us different things we don't give a shit about, Bob. You know something? Freak this then. I'm freaking gonna go and get a cheeseburger. That's what I'm gonna do. Randy, sit your ass down. I'm going to get a cheeseburger, and you guys can freak right off. If you tip this fucking boat over, get off the boat.

Get off the boat. Jesus Christ. This is Randy. That's a whole lot of weight that is. Careful is Randy. That's a whole lot of weakness. Careful, that was a whole lot of weak redistribution. Here we go, facts about the prostitutes in Amsterdam. Okay. How many is there? What is there more of, different types of hash or different types of prostitutes?

I think they're probably about the same, man. Have I got to mention to you guys that I was hoping to get a bit more hash today? I've... Oh, here's a fact you might want to know. What, Bob? Oh, just wait. How many Amsterdam prostitutes are there? Around 1,000 prostitutes work in Amsterdam.

That's not very many. Are you kidding me? That's a lot, Ricky, isn't it? No. 1,000 women? I would have thought more. Really? On any given day, and a few hundred of them work behind the windows in the red light district.

The others work in clubs and brothels. There's 400 windows within the red light district that have ladies. Well, we got to get the fuck on there because it's going to take me time. Indicate. Okay, so it says, why do some Amsterdam prostitutes have blue lights outside instead of red? What is that? To indicate they aren't really technically women.

Sorry you had to find it this way. Okay, so that's, you know... Stay away from the blue light. That's a good piece of knowledge. That's just to let people know what you're getting into. That's fine. So that's where Randy will be headed tonight. The Amsterdam prostitutes will verbally abuse you

if they spot a camera or even throw a camera. Or they might throw your camera in the canal. Well, I'm not going to take pictures of them. I'm going to chat with them. One thing I've got to do, I've got a rule, though, boys. I don't pay for sex. So I've got to go in, maybe, I don't know, whenever anybody ever brings them, like,

flowers or a drink or something? You know what I mean? You could try bringing them some different types of hash, maybe. Try to be a gentleman, maybe? Maybe some hash. It's gonna be tough. How much does it cost? Amsterdam prostitutes behind the windows typically charge 50 euros

for 15 to 20 minutes of oral sex and intercourse. There you go. What's 50 bucks in Canadian? 50 euros. How much is that Canadian? I mean, this is facts that people are probably wondering. How many grams of hash would that buy us?

Well, let me tell you. How much booze would that buy us? Boys, put five euros a gram. These numbers aren't fucking adding up to me right now. We don't have a lot of money. Okay, well, that's all you need to know about that. I mean, that's not all Amsterdam's about. I need to know how much 50 euros is in Canadian. That's about 75 Canadian, I think.

We'll see. Just a second. Something like that. 50. Hey, do you guys want to go to the Damp Kring? Damp Kring, yes. Let's do it. You want to go right now? Or the Bulldog, or I don't know.

Where are we going? Betty Boo. Betty Boo. 75 bucks. That's what I said. Okay. You got 75 bucks on you? You're not getting 75 bucks from me, bud.

Why? I got to eat. I'm using it to buy french fries and a hot dog. I'm getting that first and foremost, and then I'm gonna have a couple of drinks and just gonna enjoy the sights. Well, I've got 50 euro, Bob, so we got a big problem here, and I gotta... That's almost done.

Listen, I'll tell you right now, you're not taking any of my money to fucking buy your drinks and then use your money, your own money, for the ladies. I'm not going to fucking spend any money on the ladies. I'm just spending money on the drinks. I'm going to actually... Well, you've got enough to buy 50 euros worth of drinks. That'll keep you going.

We should put you, we should put him in a window. Get him working for a couple of hours. Hey, boys, what about Randy? In a window? Let's throw him in a fucking window. Hey, boys, what about Randy? In a window? Let's throw him in a fucking window. Nobody's going to pay for Randy. Man, there's people that want the fucking big bears out here, man.

I'm telling you. Maybe we'll dress him up like a lady and throw a fucking blue light on. Boom. If it gets me more money. Jesus. Hello. If it gets me more money for hash, then I'm all over it. All right.

This is what we're going to do. Secondhand store. Get a dress. Get some makeup, some jewelry. Throw it on Randy. gotta do. Secondhand store, get a dress, get some makeup, some jewelry, throw it on Randy. Throw him in a fucking room and get a blue light. We're done. We're not dressing Randy up like a lady

and putting a blue light in a window. Well, get a cowboy hat for him. What's he call himself? Smokey. Let's get Smokey going. Put Smokey in a window? If he wants to do it, you're not forcing him to do it, but if he wants to do it, then... Believe me, I'm fucking forcing him to do it.

He's doing it. So you're Randy's pimp now? I'm gonna be Randy's pimp in fucking Amsterdam. You guys wanna have a good time? Ricky? Not with Randy. Alright, Ricky, do you wanna go to the... Do you wanna go to the hash places? Is it happening, really?

Let's do it. Well, I wanted to just sit here, but But, I mean, I like walking around. I don't have to... When you're in the hash places, I'll go in the different shops. I could kiss you right now. I'll go in the different shops. I want to get some more clogs.

Clogs? We're not wearing fucking clogs. That wasn't here. That wasn't... That's here, man. The clogs are here. Really? We had the clogs on here. I thought that was the place... Remember we ran into Sebastian Bach and he stole somebody's houseboat?

Yeah, I do. He stole it in LA though and ended up driving it over here somewhere. I wish Sebastian was here, man. He knows how to have a good time. He doesn't sit in boats like this. It wouldn't surprise me if he walked down here and yelled at us right now. That's not gonna happen, no. Alright, Ricky.

So, you've got how much money? You should have about 100 euros. By the time I get to where I'm going, I'm hoping to have more, but I have like 70-something euros. What does that mean? That means you've got about... 25 grams of hash. You've got about $120 Canadian.

I've got 50. So I'm not doing that great. How much hash can I carry around with me? Does anybody know? As much as you can fucking carry. I don't think so, bud. Let's do it. Time to end this, boys. Not that I really give a fuck.

I need a drink. This wind is pissing me off. All right, thanks for tuning in from Amsterdam. Hope you learned a lot, everybody. They learned a lot about Amsterdam, and so do I. That was a very nice man. Just saying. They learned a lot about Amsterdam and so do I. That was a very nice man. Just saying. Okay Ricky, you light your hash joint and that'll be our...

Ricky, you should light this after we get off the boat. We don't want you falling in this fucking canal. You'll get syphilis. Syphilis? Or whatever you'll get. You know, you're gonna get some kind of disease. Syphilis? Okay, we can just... Something you can get some kind of disease. Syphilis? We can just... Something you can get rid of with pills? Yeah!

Are we done? Done.