Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 178 - Derine In-ver-tension

Episode Date: January 14, 2019

Ricky is colouring in another masterpiece, and Bubbles has a new drinking tradition for kicking off the 2019 podcasts! Also: Ricky's firework f**k-up, Albert Einstein's second best idea, and the winner of a shark vs. tiger fight! Episode 178 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Are you gonna be on your fucking phone? Are you gonna... I'm trying to find some shit to talk about, Pops. That's what I do. Well, you know what we can talk about? You should have been fucking fine before we started, is what I think. Well, maybe you should be doing something else other than fucking color it. You know why I can color?

Because I have shit to talk about. I'm fucking prepared. All right, keep coloring, then. Ricky, look at... You know what? I fucking hate 2019 already. You know what? It pisses me off.

Fuck you! That's what I say. It's a great year. Yeah, if you're not happy about the happy new year, then go fuck yourself. Everybody out there can do the same thing. It's a fucking new year. There's nothing you can do about it.

Enjoy it. Fuck off, 2018. You're done. That's right. Jesus, that was intense. Look, Ricky, I got you these and they were in a nice box. Oh man, that's awesome. Look at the different, the fucking color variety. I know, but why didn't you keep them in the nice box that had them organized and you could just look at them and pick the color you needed? Because I like to go, just look at one area and you see all the colors and go... This one.

But you... I'd do that if they were in the box. Not as easily. Okay. Want me to start this? Please. Where's your beer? My beer?

I'm not drinking beer anymore. What? So there's no more clickety-clacks to start the podcast. How are you going gonna do with that? How are we gonna start? I am on straight vodka in 2019, baby. All right. Throw a vodka.

And it's already cracked, so you're not gonna hear the, fuck, I'll pretend. Didn't you say you were gonna take a break from drinking to start the new year? I did, and I did, I did take a little break. Took a little break. I forget if I would promise to do anything,

but I didn't do it. I'm just going to keep her going, man. Just try to, you know, get her going. Make some money this year, hopefully. Oh, that's nice stuff. I'm not going to drink a lot of it. I just take a snap every now and then. All right, just pace yourself.

You'll be okay. Why don't you mix it with something? Because I enjoy the straightness. What kind of vodka is that? That's like a Russian vodka, isn't it? That's a Russian, yeah. Doliganya. It's made out of potatoes.

It's not made out of potatoes. How do you know? Because I know my vodkas. Did anybody stir this fucking thing yet? No. Nobody stirred this fucking thing yet. Okay, start it with a big mouthful of popcorn. All right, what's going on, fuckers?

This is the official Triller Prep Boys trip. What? Fuck. What? I thought you were interrupting me there. I never even said anything. All right, just a sec. You having, like, a stroke over there?

You all right? Popcorn went down the wrong fucking, went down the lung. What's up, fuckers? This is the official Triller Purr Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is 2019, January. Hello. What is it? Grass or bird?

It's a fucking date. He's got one job. January. What do you mean I got one job? One job. It's 10 days after the one. So it's 11th. 11th.

It's a Friday. This is number 178. So far, 2019 has sucked. Nope, I disagree. I disagree, too. I've been sick all, like, for the last two weeks, boys. It's because you didn't drink enough. You didn't smoke enough.

Well, I think I smoked too much of that oil shit you fucking had, man. That stuff coats your lungs. So let's have a recap. What happened? Christmas was fucked. We got on a terrible bender. What happened at New Year's? We kept going.

Are your burns healing, Ricky? Yes. I feel much better. Okay. That fire got a little out of control. That was a massive fire. You shouldn't have been throwing fireworks into the fire. That was the problem.

I tell you right now, when you get hit full on with a big Roman candle in the chest, it fucking hurts. You get burned. Yes, but what would possess you to dump a box of fireworks into a bonfire? And they just stand there like three feet away from you. I had them in a box. They're sticking up straight,

and I thought they would shoot off before the box burned and collapsed, and they all fucking started shooting everywhere. I fucked up. Next time, I'll put them in a different... Do you even remember what you did? No. You got up on the picnic table,

and you dumped them out of the box, just into the fire. But my plan was... And then you stood there going, come on! That was round two. Well, that's the only one I saw. You almost died.

Yeah, plus, I mean, I tried to throw the box, and I think it got froze to my gloves, and the box didn't throw, and the fireworks got thrown, and then they started going off everywhere. Yes, they did. So you should never, ever throw fucking fireworks into a fucking huge bonfire. There.

With the people out there? With kids around. Well, everyone out there, don't ever try it, because that's what I'm here for. I try shit that you normally would not, and if it goes bad, I'll let you know. Don't throw fireworks into a fire, like fucking 20 of them at once.

Bad idea. You think you're the first person that ever came up with that, are you? Like, nobody knew that. Until you tried. Well, if I had known, I wouldn't have did it. You're fired, Ricky. God.

So we're going to have to have a comprehensive review of things you do and do not know what to do. Because if you didn't know to do that, maybe you're going to walk out in front of a car. Because you didn't know not to. Well, you're going to walk out in front of a car because you didn't know not to. Well, you know what else I learned with fire? What, Rick? If you got a great big pile of wood,

I mean like fucking this big, from the ground, not from the table, and that wide, you shouldn't stand on top of it and pour gasoline all over it and then come down because there's so much gasoline that what I found out afterwards,

yeah, there's fumes. There's fumes. And guess what, guys? It will explode. Those flumes will light. Well, shit. And big fucking explosions will happen. It happened to me. I'm lucky to be here. You're just figuring this out?

No, no, no, I figured it out when I was about 12, but it sucked. There's something else with sugar fumes, isn't there? They ignite like a motherfucker. If the mixture's right, if the temperature's right I figured it out when I was about 12, but it sucked. There's something else with sugar fumes, isn't there? They ignite like a motherfucker. If the mixture's right, if the temperature's right and the mixture of oxygen, sugar fumes is right, they will ignite. So don't take a big thing of sugar and start like... Well, you're thinking of flour, I think. Is it flour?

Yes, flour, very explosive. Oh, yeah, I heard about grain alveolus exploding. Well, that's grain, that's different, that Yes, flour. Very explosive. Oh, yeah, I heard about grain elevators exploding. Well, that's grain. That's different. That's not flour. Oh, but I was there, same thing. Grain elevators can go up like a fucking tinderbox. Yes.

No problem. There's all... I'll give you a little lesson on blowing things up if you want to. Do you notice anything missing from this picture? Ricky, what the hell is that? It's my adult calendar. I mean, my adult coloring book. It's 69 suspended.

That's my favorite move. This is your coloring book. That's my favorite move, except... You like being on the top or the bottom? I've had some bad fucking injuries trying that one. When you lose your balance, holy fuck. Doesn't the blood rush to your head, Ricky? No, I'm standing up. Oh.

Oh, I thought you were hanging off this fella. No, no, that's not me. But there's just something clearly missing on his body. He doesn't have a dick. Oh, he's got no wiener. He's got a Ken bump. So I'm not even sure why she's down there.

He's just got a smooth bump like Ken from Ken and Barbie. I guess it could be another strong woman, actually. That's what it is. It's two women. I never even noticed. You think so? Yeah. One of them's really strong.

That's not two women. Maybe he has an innie. Is that possible? Mom? Like a belly button? Well, if that's like that fucking MMA fighter, Cyborg, maybe. She's got like a physique like that. That's definitely a dude, though, man.

Except for what, his penis got sheared off in an avalanche? What? Cyborg's a woman. It's a woman, man. But you just said this is a dude. No, he said Cyborg's a woman. It's a woman, man. But you just said this is a dude. No, he said Cyborg, the MMA fighter. That could be her, but I think it's a dude. With no wiener.

A wiener-less dude. Boys, I'm getting a good snap on here. Anybody interested in getting born on January 11th? Anybody interested in my new haircut? Look at that. It's short. You know who you look like? I didn't want to say anything.

Pups. And it's because you watched Fury the other night, isn't it? Brad Pitt. No. You've got a Brad Pitt haircut. It is a military-style cut. That's what happened. It's not Brad Pitt.

I'll tell you exactly who inspired it. Who? I got my haircut cut like Neil Armstrong. Neil Armstrong? Yeah, went and saw First Man again, and I was like, I like his haircut. I'm gonna get a haircut. His hair was shorter than that, though, man.

No, it wasn't much. Not much. Wasn't that a long time ago, like in the 80s? What? When they went up there? It was the 60s, Ricky. That's what I mean. It was a long time ago. But 60s and the 80s are not the same thing. They're close.

But I'm just saying a haircut from either one of them may not work today, right? No, if I had a haircut from the 80s, it would be all sorted down like this. You know what? You didn't shave that area. You're trying to grow one of those fucking beards like those dudes with the short hair and the long beard. I've been too fucked up this year so far to shave. I need to get unfucked and shave. Watching Peaky Blinders a little bit, too,

so maybe I'll get a... let it grow in like him. Alexander Hamilton got born on the January's of 11. Who's that? Who? Who the fuck is that? Oh, that Alexander Hamilton. Yeah, man, he was pretty famous. Do you know who that is? He doesn't know who the fuck that is.

How the fuck do you know who one of the U.S. founding fathers is, Ricky? I remember from... First United States Secretary of the Treasury. You know him, do you? I remember it from a trivia game. No, you're getting it mixed up. You're thinking of George Hamilton,

the guy with the fucking tan. The guy with the super tan. Oh, fuck. Not Alexander Hamilton. He's a fucking, he's a cool dude.

Yeah, he's not the same Hamilton though, Ricky. Different guy. John A. McDonald, we definitely know who that is. We do know

who that is, Sir John A. First Prime Minister of Canada. We have a fucking bridge near. Sir Johnny. First Prime Minister of Canada. We have a fucking bridge near Sunnyvale named after the son of a bitch. Yep. Just wait now.

Here's something weird. What bridge? Yeah, the bridge, man. The Halifax Bridge. The fucking Sir Johnny and McDonald Bridge. Goes from Dartmouth to Halifax. That's what it's called? Oh, boss, don't tell me he knew something that you didn't.

I knew it was... The fucking bridge that you've been on. The McKay and the McDonald, but I thought the way I remembered them was the McDonald one's the older one, so I always called it the old McDonald bridge. Yeah, but you could also say it's the fucking McDonald bridge because it's a McDonald's right up the street. And the new bridge is A. Murray McKay Bridge. I didn't know it was named after John A. McDonald. I thought it was named after old McDonald's.

I only did because there's a sign. That's the only reason I named it. Club. And I can read signs. You're saying some really fucking not smart things right now. I know the other bridge is the Angus L. McKay. A. Murray McKay. A. Murray McKay?

Yeah. That's right. No. There A. Murray McKay. A. Murray McKay? Yeah. That's right. No. There's an Angus somebody. That's A. Angus Murray McKay Bridge. I was just trying to fuck you up. I just, wait, you know what?

Let's just fucking get on the old Googling machine here. Is it really worth it, though? Yes, because if I'm right, I'm going to fucking give it to you. It's the McDonald Bridge, man. What are the names of the two bridges in Halifax, Nova Scotia? According to Wikipedia, Halifax Harbor Bridges is the operating name of a Nova Scotia provincial... Oh, fuck off. ...legally named the Halifax-Dartmouth Bridge Commission.

Okay, great. Thanks for your help. Okay, well, just wait now, Ricky. Here's the two bridges here. Oh, bubs. The Angus L. McDonald Bridge. I was second guessing myself. Angus L. McDonald. It's not John A. McDonald.

Well, Ricky's the one that fucked it up, man. I fucking knew it. And the A. Murray McKay. There's something about fucking John McDonald in Halifax. Anyway, we fucked up. Well, you talked to him, man. He's the one that fucking said it. I fucked up.

You were backing him. You were backing him. Oh, fuck. John A. McDonald. John Crutchen. You even said you didn't know that? How the fuck could two prime ministers get born on the same day? What?

John Crretchen. Oh, yeah, Kretchen was born the same day as John A. McDonald, different year. Do you like that guy, Kretchen? Kretchen, he was a crusty old French bastard. Mary J. Blige. Yeah, Mary J. She got born as well. All right, wasn't very exciting for born days, I have to say.

No, it's not a lot of them on here, is there? What do you guys want to talk about? Well, Ricky, I was thinking we'd talk about sparrows. Becoming tuna fishermen? I'd like to. I would, too. I didn't know it was so lucrative. Does that mean make a lot of money?

Yes. Big time. Fuck, man. I was just seeing that there was a fish... What do you call it when you're bidding on stuff? Fish called Wanda. No, when you're bidding on stuff and you're putting up your hand. You're bidding.

You're at an auction. Auction. They had a fish auction in Tokyo. A fucking 612-pound bluefin tuna sold for $3 million. No, it didn't. Yes, it was. That is fucked. Boys, there's fucking tuna right off the coast.

The biggest tuna, one of the, I think the biggest tuna in history was caught in fucking cancel. That's what I'm saying. Three hours from here. Three hours from here. We should go down there and fucking try to make some money. One fish, you're done for life. Three million bucks. Yeah, I mean, if it takes us five years to get one.

You want to hear something crazy? You know that Tokyo fish market? Bubbles has been there. Really? Remember when I went over there with Axl Rose? Did you buy anything? No, Ricky, I was drunk at the fish market. Did you buy any tuna or any other kind of fish?

Why'd you go there? Because just... Hey, let's get drunk and go to the fish market. Yes, that's what people do because it's fucking crazy. It's one of the craziest things you'll ever see. There's just miles and miles and rows and rows of fish and people bidding and monies. It looks like the stock market.

The stock exchange? It looks like the stock exchange, but with fish. Really? So we leave in the bar about five in the morning. It's like, let's go to the fucking down and watch the fish market. Did you say stock exchange?

The stock market, yeah. Holy fuck. Wow. What? I just learned something different. What did you think it was? I knew there was a stock market. But when they talked about

all the crazies and the fighting, I thought it was like a sock exchange. A sock exchange. People fighting over socks. Yeah, new styles coming out of New York. What a fuck-up. That's, man.

That's your whole life. Well, I didn't know about it until I was in my teens. So, 40-odd years. Close to it. The sock exchange in New York City. I always wanted to go there and get some cool socks. You know what? That'd be a good store to open.

I wonder if one exists. The New York Sock Exchange. I'm going to open one. You're going to go to New York and open one? Or are you going to open one here? I'm going to look on Google Maps and see if there's one already there. The sock exchange. Yeah.

That'll be people coming in trying to exchange socks. New York sock exchange. Stupid idea. See, it corrected me. Here's New York stock. It corrected me into stock. I'm going to put sock. The sock exchange.

Yeah. It's on, um, it's a lingerie store. That's weird. And there's one, another one's a lingerie store that's weird and there's one another one uh fashion accessory store 13th avenue right there see every time you have an idea somebody else has the same fucking idea it's in brooklyn the sock exchange brilliant not so brilliant was this fucking dumb ass gladstone oregon he tried to steal a bike from a fucking police station. And inside, the police were watching him on fucking video surveillance. So they just come out and arrest the dumbass.

Sounds like something you'd do, man. I've done it. I know you have. Trying to get home from jail, and I couldn't get a fucking cab. But there was no cameras back then. You can't steal a bike from a cop station with cameras these days. You can't, Ricky, you can't steal a bike from a cop station with cameras these days. You can't, well, Ricky, you can't steal anything

from anywhere, because there's cameras everywhere. Unless you've got, like, a cop uniform on, and then you take the bike. Yeah, not many people have cop uniforms in their closet other than you. Yeah, pups. When you're dressing up like the village people. Bullshit, man. That's his lingerie drawer, isn't it?

Julian's got cop lingerie. No, I don't. Julian's got cop lingerie. Pops. Did you see the video of that fucking moose got in the hospital in Alaska? No. Just walked in the fucking lobby and started eating all the plants.

He was pretty chill. Hmm? What was that about? fucking moose, got in the hospital in Alaska? No. Just walked in the fucking lobby and started eating all the plants. He was pretty chill. What was that? Sure that wasn't your mom? That's nice. She did look a little bit moosey. She got it older, you know, a bit older before she left. She didn't look like a moose.

She kind of looked like a moose. She didn't have horns or antlers. She had a big old fucking nose on her, though, man. That's not nice. Yeah. Well, she's not a nice person. Neither are you. Neither are you, apparently.

Here, I've got some things here, boys. Awesome. Let's see what facts I can... I've got some fucking facts, too. Oh, here's some... Here's some... Look at this. Between 2010...

Ricky, you tell me why this is. You give me your theory on this, all right? Between 2010 and 2013, the London Fire Brigade rescued 18 children with their heads stuck in toilets. What? Uh, fuck.

Just curiosity, I guess. Put the suction. Most people use their hand, but I guess some people want to see what it feels like on their head. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Between 2010 and 2013,

this is a fact. Okay. The London Fire Brigade rescued 18 children with their heads stuck in toilets. All at the same time? No.

The other reason... What do you mean all at the same time? They're in like a fucking stadium that walked in that was fucking... Why would it say between 2010 and 2013? Why wouldn't it just say

on January 6th? You know what they're doing? They're sticking their head in there because they're fucking getting hot, man. No, they're doing it to wash their hair. Because they have brothers and sisters that are taking up the fucking shower. They're going to be late. So they wash their hair. Once they got the shampoo in, they flush it, not even fucking thinking.

And it sucks their head right into the fucking toilet. And at least when the police saved them they're they had clean hair it's a fuck up does that what i mean it's fucked but you never know you know i don't know kids are done puking were they puking were they fucking i don't know here's another one listen to this one so there's no answer to this. We don't know why they did it. No, I'm just giving you facts. I just wanted to hear a theory. Oh, fuck, Bobbs. What, did you think it was a quiz? Yeah, kind of.

What's the answer? See? I'm not the only one. Why the fuck were the kids, why were their heads in the toilet stuck? I don't fucking know. Let's get a hold of one of them. 18 different reasons, I'm guessing. How does your head get stuck in a fucking toilet? You're a kid, you ever get your head stuck in a toilet? We need to talk to you.

You're fucked. Call us. Call us on the hotline. Okay. Listen to this one, Ricky. All right. Albert Einstein, you know who that is? Nope.

Oh, yeah, no. He was smart. And he did piano, didn't he? He what? Albert Einstein. He's one or the other. He either played piano or he was smart as fuck. I wonder if he could play the piano.

He was smart as fuck. I bet you he understood the fucking math behind music. Was he German? Albert Einstein. He was, I don't know if he was born in Germany. He lived in the U.S., though. Albert Einstein claimed his second best idea. Okay.

Okay, this is the guy that invented, basically, he came up with the theory of relativity. He invented, he led the way to the nuclear bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did he, His second best idea of his whole life was to boil his eggs in his soup so that it saved on washing up time. Fuck, that is fucking smart. Unless you don't feel like eggs with your soup.

That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in my life. You know what? He's an idiot. Albert Einstein's an idiot. For saying shit like that, he's an idiot. He has... You know what? The only problem with that is if... if you boil them too long, they crack, and then you get a bunch of white shit in your soup.

But it is a good idea. I wonder if it makes a good flavor on the eggs. The eggshell, you mean? See, I knew this would get his brain. I'm trying it right after we're done here. Are you? Yep. What kind of soup should I use? Tomato or fucking vegetable?

I would say vegetable. Does it say what he used? It doesn't. He just says. Did he wash the fucking eggs before he threw it in the soup? Cheesy broccoli. Does that boil, though? Oh, fuck.

Good question. You need like a broth-based soup so that she's boiling. I better just go straight up chicken noodle then, I guess. Chicken noodle or vegetable? Vegetable. Nothing, man. Broth. You know just go straight up chicken noodle then, I guess. Chicken noodle or vegetable broth. You know what's good in chicken noodle soup is Doritos. Yes. Doritos?

I don't know. I've never tried it, but it sounds good. So that was, here's another fact. I already knew this one, but maybe you don't. Bring it on. I like these things. Maybe you don't know this one. I know a lot more than you think. A tiger's tongue is so rough... Mm-hmm.

I'm talking a tiger. It's like sandpaper, man. It's more than that. More than that. It's like a... It's like got teeth. A ti... He doesn't have teeth in his tongue. You know what I mean, like little fags.

A tiger's tongue is so rough that if it licked your hand, it would draw blood. Yeah. What the fuck? That's how they fucking eat, man. What, they got teeth on their tongue? A tiger's tongue is so rough that if it licked your hand, it would draw blood. What the fuck? That's how they fucking eat, man. They got teeth on their tongue? He's got, it's like little columns of little razors. Little razor-sharp pricklies.

I feel bad for the female tigers. They wouldn't be able to do oral. That would suck to miss out on that. I guess they could, but it'd be messy. I don't think they'd do oral, man. Can tigers do oral, Ricky? Maybe he's a bit of an ass-sniffer, but I don't think they're like, you know,

mowing with their tongues. Yeah, I don't know. If I was a tiger, I would be. Well, you'd be. You would be, all right? Would you? Now that I know that, if I do become a tiger in the next life,

I'm going to be licking fucking people at the zoo. Fuck off. Get away from me. I'm going to cut you with my tongue. Because they won't kill you then. Fuck, let's hope you don't become a tiger. It's like, well, was he aggressive? No, he just licked me. No, he was licking me.

He didn't even try to bite me. He licked my face. Shredded my fucking cheeks right off. Who would win in a fight between a tiger and a lion, Bob's? Well, it depends on who's got upper ground. It depends on the age. You know what? They say that the tiger will always win.

So it's the same. Is it the toughest animal on earth, then? Is that what you're saying? That's right. What about a fucking great white shark? If you're talking about a young lion fighting an old crippled tiger, and the lion's got the fucking upper ground. How tall is a tiger?

I just thought of a great match. What? A great white shark and a tiger in three feet of water. Fuck, that would be awesome. Fuck the UFC. Bring that shit on. Who would win, bubs? A great white shark and a tiger.

In a three-foot deep pool. It would be the shark, Ricky. It's gonna be hard for a tiger to break into a shark. You know why? And there's a reason for that. Because the tigers, they fucking come up behind you, latch on you, and go for the fucking neck, right? If you're looking at a shark, they'd be going, what the fuck?

How do you deal with this guy? Where's his neck? The tiger would be at a bit of a disadvantage because he may not be able to see the shark as good as the shark could see his legs. The shark might just clamp onto one of his legs and see it perfectly. Oh, he absolutely would.

Sharks can turn sideways and get you. How many feet of water does a great white need to swim in? Because if we can get it down to two feet, I think we can pull this together. You want to do this? I'm not pulling that together. We could pull it together. Look at the pay-per-view.

Ricky, I wouldn't put a tiger in to fight a shark. That's just like cockfighting. You could stop it before either one of them got killed. No, you couldn't. How?

A trink gun, I guess, or something. I don't know. That shark, Rickyicky he would grab him and pull him under poor kitty here's a fact you listen this is a fact you're gonna laugh at okay i love it already during mating yeah it's just tigers. No. During mating, male katydids produce a spermatophore. A what? A who? A spermatophore.

No, but the first thing. It's a male katydid. A katydid what? A male katydid. Just let me read it. Some guy that katybanged? A male that katydid. Produces a spermatophore which can be up to 30% of their body mass.

This contains both sperm and an edible gelatinous mass for the female to eat while the sperm enters her body. So it's a 30% body mass blaster. Can you imagine? That would be quite a clean-up in the bedroom. And it eats the shit that it's like... That's how they get pregnant. As it's getting filled up, it's like just having a good little meal.

The 30% thing that comes out contains both sperm and an edible gelatinous mass for the female to eat while the sperm enters her body. So she gets pregnant by eating... Like, that doesn't work with people, does it? Yeah, what the fuck is it? No. A Katie did? A Katie did?

Is that a bug? It's a bug, yes. It's a bug. It blows a big... Gargantuan... Jelly fucking load. I wonder... I'm surprised it's not some fucked up group of people gargantuan... Jelly fucking load. I wonder... I'm surprised there's not some fucked up

group of people that would like to eat that. I bet you there is people out there that would fucking eat... I bet they'd pay a lot of money for that in certain countries. Definitely people... Okay, here's one for you too, Ricky. Listen to this.

In 1979, a lady named Alveda Adams, she was having some problems. She decided to end it all. She jumped from the 86th floor of the Empire State Building, jumped right off the fucking thing. Guess what happened? She died. Nope. She lived. Fuck off. What does she have, wings? She does not have wings. Parachute. She jumped off the 86th floor, and a gust of wind blew her back onto the 85th floor.

No. Shut up. Right onto the balcony. What are the chances of that? She jumped, and the wind blew her in, and she's like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that. She must have been pretty light. She probably was a bit of a waif i would think

it probably wasn't like a 300 pound lady so at that point she's like okay this was a fuck up somebody does not want me to die today what do they call that derine ever tension or what derine inter... I don't even... I can't even repeat what he said. Ivertension. Divine intertension. What was the first word? Divine.

Derine. Derine. Ivertension. Ivertension. Ivertension, is it? I don't fucking know. What's it called? Divine.

Right. Intervention. Intervention. That was from Pulp Fiction, right? That's where you heard that before. That was a good movie. There's also a TV show called Intervention. Oh, I thought it was a TV show called Pulp Fiction.

I was going to be pissed I missed this. Is that good? Just wait. I want to see if there's one more crazy one here. Find a good one, and while you're doing that, I found some fun facts. Since marijuana was legalized in Canada... Yep. You can only find a few things.

Pizza deliveries late night up 31%. Okay. Assaults are down 22%. That makes sense. Domestic violence down 28%. That's awesome. Because everybody's chill, man. Because people are like, I want to fucking kill you.

Just let me smoke a joint. Okay, we're good. Smoke a joint and eat a pizza. Yeah. Suck it into a thing. Average TV time is up over two hours per day. That's mostly Indica people. Taxi sales up 17%.

What about video game sales? I didn't find anything about that yet. I will next week. That's either way up. Junk food sales up 33%. What about video game sales? I didn't find anything about that yet. It won't next week. That's either way up. Junk food sales up 33%. 33%. People got some cravings. Of course.

They're baked. Okay, listen. This is one for you. 10% of American adults consume an average of 74 alcoholic drinks per week. 10%. That works out to a little more than 4 1⁄2 750-milliliter bottles of Jack Daniels, 18 bottles of wine, 24 cases of beer.

How much of the population? 10%. Wow. Okay, let me look at this, man. I think I might be in that 10%. A little more than 4 1⁄2, 750 milliliter bottles of Jack. 18 bottles of wine in a week? Oh, it's one or the other.

Oh, I was going to say that little fucking thing. That or that or 24Ks. Oh, that's nothing. I can see that. I thought it would be probably a bit higher than that, especially down in the States. Four bottles of Jack Daniels a week. Do you know how much fucking booze is down in the States? It's cheap, man.

Should I buy some Pepsi or Coke or should I buy some booze? That's a lot. Is it? That's four and a half bottles. I'm not a wine drinker, but 18 bottles in a week? I don't know. Two bottles a night? Holy fuck, that's more than two bottles a night.

That's nothing. That's more than two bottles a night. No, a little's more than two bottles. That's nothing. Math's getting fucked up here. No, a little bit more than two. Yeah. Seven times two is 14. How many? 18? 18. It's like two and a half bottles of shit, man.

It's wine. Well, I was just pointing it out. Just pointing it out. You know what? We're getting you some mix, man. You're not gonna stir it. No, I like it just like that. No, man. It's not even cold.

That's not how you're gonna stir it in 2019. I would have it with water, ice water. Well, you should mix it with something. Vodka water, nice drink. Your liver, bubs. Oh, you think you're fucking healthy, do you? I know. Because you're drinking that?

Yes, I am healthy. It's healthy because you drink fucking liquor and pop all day. That's healthier than straight liquor? I don't think so. I'm the straight liquor kid. Whatever. I might have fucked this up. Do you think these are shoes or is that our bare feet?

Well, it depends on what color you made them. I made them like a tan color. Well, then they're shoes. Okay, good. Unless she's... It is weird that the only thing she's wearing is shoes. Unless she's got a bad burn on her feet and tanned it up. Oh, no, I think they are shoes.

Look, there's one right there. Well, you're going to have to show the people now, or they're gonna be curious. About what? About what you're looking at. You still got the 69 fucking... Yeah, I just... What's the problem about the shoes?

Oh, it's still the 69. Why would she have shoes on? They're like little ballerina shoes. She's gotta get grip, man. She's got her legs wrapped around dudes' fucking oars. She's not gonna grip anything with her feet.. She's got her legs wrapped around dude's fucking oars. She's not going to grip anything with her feet. Cyborg's head. She doesn't need traction.

He needs traction. He should have boots on. Why doesn't she have a fucking time? You try hanging off somebody's fucking head like that. Oh, I've done it. For like 20 minutes. Yeah, but what shoe's going to do? How shoe's going to help you?

It's going to give you grip, man. Grip where? Right up there. Right at this part. Right where they go like that. It's gonna give you some grip. No, he should have boots on. He does. You just can't see them. He should have big, grippy boots on and not be... He should be on a level surface.

Last time I tried that with Lucy, it did not end well. I lost my balance. She went fucking crashing down. Piledriver. And then certain things... That's a piledriver. Made her choke. It wasn't good. Things made her choke?

Was your... Something still in there? It wasn't things. It was a thing, I guess. And it was still in there? Yeah. When you fell? It wasn't good.

I had some cuts and scrapes from that one. You're lucky you didn't lose it, man. Could have lost it. Could have got snipped right off. All right, boys. All right, I'm getting you some mix, Bob. Where do we go from here? We just say goodbye until next week.

All right. What's gonna happen next week? Anything? Fireworks. No. Bonfire. No, we're not doing that. Just say goodbye. You say goodbye.

Goodbye. That was... So heartfelt.