Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 18 - Julian's Drunk Facts

Episode Date: December 4, 2015

This week's topics include crazy drunk pigs, alcoholic ants, bent birds, and money horses! The Boys also try to figure out what day it is, and Bubbles has a 'taco tummy' emergency! Episode 18 is brought to you by Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!

All right, you ready to do this, Bubs? Well, yes, I've been fucking ready. We're starting without him. Well, we've got to fucking do this, man. We're on a tight schedule. We've got lots of shit to do. All right, it's Friday, December... What the fuck is the date today?

December what? I don't know. We went out on tour on the 3rd. That's Wednesday. 4th. December 5th. It is December 5th, Friday. We've been on tour for, uh,

nah, fuck. It's the 4th. I can't, my brain is not, it's not working this early in the morning, Bubs. I'm sorry. Fuck. We don't know what day it is. It doesn't really matter.

It's December 4th. Okay, we're on tour right now. No, it isn't the 4th. It's December 4th. Friday, December 4th. We played last night was December 4th. All right. No.

Bubs, you're fucking this up. I am. Yes. Okay, great crowd in Hamilton the other night. And then last night we were at Massey Hall. Fucking huge place. What are you saying fibs for? I was just clearing my throat.

Fibs. Yeah, so it's been great. Great turnout so far. Who are you talking to? The cameraman. We're doing the fucking podcast. Most people are far. Who are you talking to? The cameraman. We're doing the fucking podcast. Most people are just listening to this. They're not watching it.

So you don't got to talk to the fucking camera. Well, there is people. Why are you being a dick this morning? Well, because you brought me in here. And I didn't. I don't even understand. We've got a sponsor. I'm working on this sponsor.

Could mean some good money for us. We can't. Oh, so that's why you're dragging me in. Because you've got a fucking grease deal going on the side. For us. And it's not greasy, man. For us. How is it for us when I don't ever get any of it?

We've got to wait until the viewers come in, how many people are watching it, and then all the money comes towards us at some point. Well, I hope the fuck you've got some stuff to talk about. I've got some shit because i just scrambled some things at the last minute all right this is a crazy fight we got to talk about this a crazy drunk pig drank 18 cans of beer fought a cow then passed out that sounds like a night with ricky your mother it's real real funny. Crazy drunk pig, get it?

What happened? There was this pig in Australia. He drank 18 cans of beer. He brawled with a cow and then passed out under a tree. Why the fuck could a pig drink 18? How could he open them with his hoof? Did you ever see a pig eat? And don't say a mama joke right now, because I know that's what you fucking think.

I saw it when your mother was at the buffet. You're such a dick, man. How could a fucking pig open a can of beer? He couldn't get his hoof under the tab. He wouldn't be... He'd be doing it like a shotgun. He'd be biting into the thing and just sucking it back. Like your mother? Buzz, man. Yeah, yeah.

You want to get into the mother joke? No. You want to get into a mother joke? No, you just set me up. Good. So I fucking took it. Okay, you better watch yourself. Saw a pig, fucking drank.

What do you mean he fought it? What the fuck are you guys doing? Starting without me? I'm not good enough to be part of this fucking thing anymore? I told him, Ricky. I told him. We're on a tight schedule here, man. We got shit to do.

Yeah, no shit. We got to go on a fucking tour tomorrow. No, no, no. We were all... It's Friday. No. Today. What do you mean it's Friday?

It's Friday. What, I've been asleep for fucking three or four days? Ricky. It's like Monday or Tuesday. Tuesday? Wednesday. Ricky, it's Friday. So you didn't tell him.

It's Tuesday. You didn't tell him what you were... I told him last night. Told me what? That I passed it with three days and what? Ricky. Just the gig's up, Julian. What gig?

The fuck are you guys talking about? Alright, you fucked it. You know what? Why didn't you guys wake me up? We were trying to wake you up, man. My last fucking day in Sunville before we go away and now I'm fucking not even part of your stupid podcast. Alright, you know what?

You've just been trying to tell people that it's Friday and that we already played shows. Okay. Unless I fucking blocked it, we haven't played a fucking show yet, have we? No, I guess we haven't played a fucking show. So you're just lying to people? Well, this is going to come out on Friday, Ricky. Okay. So we're going to be doing shows. We can't fucking do a podcast.

I was just trying to make it seem like like this is like, you know almost a lot Why don't you say it's fucking Tuesday? It's coming in Friday and just tell people the fucking truth instead of Lying to the man It's like you lie to me. It's fucking ridiculous Boys, I'm not said you weren't doing a fucking podcast. They hear you're in my fucking kitchen look my permission. I did No way. Yeah, I didn't know either We could have a good sponsor on board here soon. Who? I'm not telling you right now.

You'll find out. She makes cash deals behind her fucking backs again. Yeah. Do you guys want to make money? Yeah, but we don't ever get any of it. Well, that's the way it works on the internet. You've got to wait to see how many viewers and people are listening to it. Yeah, but you always seem to get your side of it. Oh, yeah.

You see me rolling around in dough, do you? Huh? Man, you're being a real dick lately. Oh, my fuck, boys. Fucking flying us around everywhere. Going to Vegas, hanging with Carrot Cock. And you didn't have a good time in Vegas? It was all right, I guess.

What'd you call him? Carrot Cock. Carrot Cock. Carrot Cock? Isn't that his nickname? Oh, no. It's Carrot Top. Carrotcock? Isn't that his nickname? Oh, no. It's Carrot-top. Carrot-top is his name.

Why would you call him Carrotcock? Did you see something I didn't? No, but... Were you pissing with him and kind of looked over? Never saw it. I've just heard things about it. Apparently it's pretty big. I don't know if it's orange, but...

Is it shaped like a carrot? I don't know. I haven't seen it, but good dude anyway. Yeah, he is a pretty good guy. I think Ricky saw his cock. He definitely... What are you guys whispering about over there? I didn't whisper anything, Ricky.

You're just checking on Carrot. I never sucked anything. I never even saw the fucking... I never said you did, Ricky. Don't be making jokes about shit like that. Here we go with Todd McCorks again. It's fucking ridiculous. You're the one that called him Carrot Cock.

That's what I thought his nickname was. It's just kind of a funny nickname. What the fuck is that all about? It's a banana, Ricky. It's a banana cock. It's not a banana cock. It's not a banana cock. It's just a banana.

All right, I can't believe you're up, Ricky. I don't want to be up. I don't want to be up. I don't want to be fucking doing this right now, but it's the last year. Julian's flying us all over the fucking place lately, driving me nuts. Hey, look, I'm trying to stay out of jail for the winter, okay? Trying to make us some money so you don't have to go to jail. Where do we start? Did you hear this?

Where do we start this fucking tour? We start it tomorrow night in Hamilton, Wednesday night. The Hammer. The Hammer. Yeah, The Hammer. So I hear what? Tell him the Hamilton, Wednesday night. The hammer. The hammer. Yeah, the hammer. So I hear what? Tell him the story of the pig.

All right, there's this crazy pig down in Australia. He drank 18 cans of beer. He fucking fought a cow. He or she. Drunk. And then passed out. Which one was your mother, the pig or the cow? Here we go again.

Boys, I haven't seen my mother since I was fucking six years old. I think that's a real nice thing to say. That's why we can joke about her. Well, she was a bit of a pig back then. I don't imagine she's lost a ton of weight or anything. Your mom was a pig, Tammy, and she was a fucking slutty pig. She wasn't, yeah. She may have been one, but she wasn't the other.

Ricky, your mother banged fucking half the people in Sunnyvale, okay? Go in. And again. What? It's true. You're getting dirty. You want to start talking to my mother, then suck it up. All right. What else we got there, boys?

I don't know, bubs. What do you got over there? What is this doing? Where did this come from? And who's been ramming this in different places? Oh, it's... Ricky, why would you assume, because there's a banana on the table, it's been rammed into different places? Just because of how bent it is.

You should ask Lucy why there's a banana, a fake banana on your kitchen table. Ricky, bananas aren't... That's the shape of a banana. They all have a bend in them. It's not because it was getting rammed into things. Fake banana. Ricky, bananas aren't, that's the shape of a banana. They all have a bend in them. It's not because it was getting rammed into things. It'd be funny if, you know, just right like that,

your thing came out and pointed up just like that. Yeah, weird, weird shape. What the fuck is he talking about? What are you talking about, Ricky? If your bird was bent up at an angle like that, it might be good for some positions. Jesus, Ricky. I could.

Here, here, Ricky. I could. I can hold that up for you, because then you'd be a dick. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck sakes. Put your hand there, fuck sakes. Shit's getting fucked over here.

Why is my stuff getting knocked over? All right, another drunk fact for you guys. If a drunk ant, you know, if an ant is drunk, a fellow comrade will carry him back to the nest to sleep off the alcohol. That is true. How the fuck would an ant get drunk? They do tests, man. What, have they got a little tiny breathalyzer they give them?

What? Bubs. But if you spill beer, is an ant going to drink it? Like, do they like alcohol? Or is it just something if they're going to is an ant going to drink it? Like, do they like alcohol? Or is it just something if they're going to fucking die, they'll drink it? Oh, you know what it could be? They could eat a fermented apple on the ground. Because monkeys do that and they get drunk and jerk off on each other.

Or a sign of... What the fuck are you talking about? Monkeys over in Africa, they eat, you know, fermented fruit and they get all jacked up in the trees and then they try to crank off on each other. I saw a documentary on it. That sounds fucked. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding you.

All right, so ants get drunk, and monkeys get drunk. I'm getting lured today. And pigs get drunk. Yeah. And your mother drinks a lot as well. All right, so ants get drunk. The fucking friends carry them home. It's good.

I hope if I get drunk, you guys will carry me home. Where are you reading this stuff? How do you know this? It's just like on the internet, man. It's just drug things. Drug stories. Drunk. Fun facts.

I don't know if I believe that one. How would they know that the ant's drunk? They're not going to take a blood test, and they're not going to give them a little breathalyzer, a little ant breathalyzer. How do they know he's fucking drunk? They're talking scientists. They'd have like little trays of booze. They'd set the fucking ants in it.

They'd start drinking it. They'd watch them walk away. They're like fucking, you know, all over the place. Yeah, they'd probably get all jacked up. Their legs are like walking. They're fucking going sideways. And then they pass out. And then they might flip over and they're like, ah, on their backs, their little fucking

ant legs. Exactly. And then the other ants are like, ah, on their backs, their little fucking ant legs. Exactly. And then the other ants are like, holy fuck, has he ever banged up? Let's carry him back to the nest. He's fucked. All right, so you think that's a scientific fucking test, do you? There's Tommy.

He got into the fucking liquor, yeah. It says right here. Let's get him back to the nest. Tommy can't hold his fucking ant booze. Fucking prick. Maybe they get in ant fights. Just look at the bar. I wonder which legs they would use.

Would they use all of them if they got in a fight? Imagine fucking six fucking punches or eight punches or how many fucking legs they have coming at you. I don't think an ant would punch, Ricky. Ants don't have eight legs. They would just try to bite them or something, man. They're going to try to chew the other insects out. Well, unless they're little M&A ants.

Boys. Imagine the fucking groundwork you could do. Eight legs. There's no way an ant would have martial arts training. There's no way you could do that. They might. You don't know. You've never been down inside an anthill.

They might have a whole little coliseum down there with the little octagon. There's a bunch of different kinds of ants, too. You ever fuck with fire ants, boys? Those little cocksuckers do not fuck around. Oh, yeah. Fire ants are nothing compared to a fucking bullet ant. Do you know what a bullet ant is? No. A fucking bullet ant is about, a cocksucker is about an inch long. Yep. They have them down in Costa Rica.

One bite, any fucking man, it'll drop a man to the ground screaming like a baby. One bite. Fire ants are different. They get a big fucking swarm and they just come in and eat your foot. Next thing you know, you're standing there and your foot's gone. That's what I heard.

They're like fucking piranhas in the insect world. Ricky, fire ants can't eat your foot off in a matter of seconds. They're not piranha ants. They just, their bites burn. They make like a burn. That's why they call them fire ants. So they breathe fire like a dragon. They don't breathe fire.

My dad told me to be always careful of these fucking things. He said they'll fuck you over bad. Before you know it, things are missing and they fuck you over. Yeah, but you remember what happened to Ray. Remember Ray's encounter with the fire ants? You remember that? When Ray went camping that weekend and he passed out. He was putting honey on bread, remember?

Yes. He passed out and all the honey went all over his unit. And he woke up covered in fire ants. He had about 500 fire ants on his unit. Yeah, he wasn't very happy. Did they eat it? No, they bit it all up. It was all swollen and red.

That sounds pretty fucked. I remember that. I remember when Ray came home from camp And with a big ice pack on his wiener Alright Alright Alright So should we get started? Well let's

Well I'm I'm trying to get started here man So is it Tuesday or is it Friday? Because I'm really fucking confused now I mean I know what day it really is But what are we saying it is? It's Tuesday now Because you fucking blew the whole thing for me, man.

All right, so from now on, you're telling the truth. That's good. Everything's the truth right now. Okay, Ricky, here, I got a story that you'll enjoy. Bring it on. Listen to this one. This guy, Wu Chen, 67 years old. He was a pensioner who didn't trust his local bank.

I know you fucking don't trust banks. Yeah. Right? Woo! Didn't trust his local bank to look after his life savings. You're screaming out for him. You see him far away. Woo!

Like, are you calling him or are you like, yeah? You know what I mean? It's a weird name. Anyway, sorry. Jesus Christ. Well, why would you, when you called him out, why would you go high pitch like, woo! No, but if he's far away, you'd have to say it loud. But you might be just like, woo, what a fucking great day.

It could be like, woo's over there. Hey, woo, woo. Anyway, I don't know why I thought of that. It must be the drugs and the buzz on it I have from half a beer combined with the 16-year-old. Okay, so anyway, Woo Chen, 67, doesn't trust banks to look after his life. I don't trust him either. Fuck banks. Look look after his life. I don't trust them either. Fuck banks. Look after his life savings.

I don't have any money. He buried all his money in the ground. Smart man. I've done it before. When's the last time you checked on it, Ricky? It's been a while, actually. In fact, I'm trying to remember where. I know I buried a little satchel of $5 bills, and they're near the trailer somewhere.

I will find them. Ricky, you already dug those up. It wasn't a lot of money. It was like less than a thousand bucks. You already dug that fucking money up. There you go. All right, you know what? Anyway, the guy's smart.

Fuck banks. Bury your fucking money. I agree. Yeah, I'll check this out. Okay. He stashed the cash in a carrier bag five years ago. Yeah. Fuel and shore would be safe.

But when he came recently to make a withdrawal, he found that insects had fucking eaten all of his money. Worms and stuff. How? They got hungry. And they found the money and they ate it. Well, he must have been... How'd they get inside the bag?

I mean, this is stupid. They ate right through it, man. Yeah. Maggots and shit. What, they eat through bag material? They can depend on what the bag's made out of. Okay, well, number one, you should use probably a metal can or something fucking smarter than a bag.

Bag-eating worms or bag-eating moth insects or whatever the fuck it is. You know, have it for breakfast. They ate his money? Why the fuck would you eat money? There can't be much nutritional value in that. No, they just ate it, man. I don't think they were down there

going, let's find something with a lot of nutrition in it. They're just fucking eating whatever. I heard they're dumb as fuck. They basically make holes and whatever's in front of them, they just fucking eating whatever. I heard they're dumb as fuck. They basically, like, they make holes, and then whatever's in front of them, they just fucking eat it. It could be anything, I guess.

Ants are stupid, Pat. I know. They're dumb. Well, they're not. Ants aren't. Ants aren't dumb. Ants have fucking figured out how to build a whole MMA fighting. I can't imagine that you're fucking an ant or a worm or a snake,

and you're like, holy fuck, jackpot. Hit the fucking money horse here, boys. Let's fucking chow down. It's a weird one. I wouldn't be looking at money going, fuck, I can't wait to eat the fuck out of that. What's a money horse? What is a money horse?

You said, hit the money horse. Here, what's a money horse? Well, if you have a good horse, wins a lot of races, you get the money, right? Money horse. Holy fuck, Ricky. That's fucked. Money horse.

Boys, I got to use it. Don't use it right here in my fucking kitchen. Number one or number two? And if you keep coming into my trailer at like 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning to use it... I wasn't in your trailer. Try to be a little quieter. I wasn't in your trailer in the morning. Bob, see, you came into my trailer at 2 o'clock.

You were there again at 3.37. Here you go, bud. 4.10. Just jam that. What did you eat last night? Ricky, I'm not gonna... You can fucking wash it out when you're done, too. Ricky.

What? Bob, you're not gonna need to use that. Is this what you've been passing in? It works good, because the funnel, you can kind of adjust to whatever angle you want. You're sitting down, and then nothing's gonna leak out. It doesn't get all over you. But fucking wash it out, I'm serious. Especially the fucking thermos.

Why don't you just, like, walk 20 feet that way and go to the fucking pisser? Sometimes you don't feel like getting up, or maybe someone's in there having a shower, shaving their fucking legs for 28 minutes. Fuck, you never know, right? This is your thermos, Ricky. Sometimes, or sometimes it's used to hold other things. That's fucking disgusting, man. Ricky, don't tell me you've used this as a piss receptacle

and reused it as a thermos. What's the difference? Piss washes off like everything else, not like piss gets into the fucking glass of the plastic in there and hides out and says, oh, fuck, here comes a drink. I better come out now and taste the drink like piss. So this fucking thermos that you take to the skating rink and have hot chocolate for you and the family, this is also your piss job? Not always, but sometimes you gotta find something. That's fucking disgusting, man.

Don't use the fucking thermos. I probably would, but here. Actually that's the thermos. What the fuck is that? It's the thermos, too. Here. Ricky, I can't believe... Try this. I know, but in the effort it takes you to get up and find the thermos and get the... That's such a coffee pot. Yeah, but you're boiling that, so it's going to kill everything in it anyway. And you didn't boil fucking this out? No, boil it. Just wash it with hot water and fucking soak. It's piss. Piss comes off easy. But Ricky, here's my question. In the effort it takes you to get up, retrieve your thermos,

get out your funnel, put your funnel in the thermos and then piss in it, you could walk 20 feet to the bathroom. You could, but if you're really comfortable or you've got a body buzz and you don't feel it getting up,

funnel and thermos are funneling. Sometimes you can even just reach the sink almost. Maybe extend this out a little bit. Bent it up. The force of the piss would go right in the sink. Or what the fuck, you might drink out of your sink. Is that what you're going to say? You're going to clean that up?

I mean, he doesn't have to piss. He's got to do something else. So he's not using that. No, actually, if you're doing something else, you're not using this, because that's fucking disgusting. Have you ever used it for the number two? No, I've never used number

two in anything except a toilet or the woods. Bullshit. Nope. Or your pants. Well, that was when I was a baby. Or when you have one of those... Or last month. Fart disasters, where you think it's going to be a fart, and next thing you know you're cleaning

everything up for 20 minutes anyway bob something just all i want to say is that if you got the shits again fuck it's horrible when do you ever have shorts on right when i was a little guy it's fucking disgusting and there's nowhere to hide i was at the mall and next thing you know i get the fucking is he still talking about shit. We're on that new leg. Let's not it's gross And it just I've horrible memories. Oh who hasn't checked themselves off Boys, I heard the Queen never did ever. Oh That's not true ever. She had to have at one point. No, she's royal and royal people don't do that When she was a baby, I don't know when she was a baby, maybe.

Was she royal then? Yes. Boys, I can't believe we're talking about this stuff. Okay, what else do you want to talk about then? Well, just a sec, Buzz. If you've got the shits again, go into his fucking bathroom. I don't have to do that. Stop talking about... I hear some rumbling going down there right now.

You're not fucking doing that in my bathroom anyway. Go to your shit. Listen to this one, boys. Woman spontaneously combusts while sitting on a park bench. I believe in that shit. Some people say there's no fucking way. I fucking totally believe in that shit. That she just burst into flames. A woman is fighting for her life as a result of spontaneous human combustion, SHC.

Do you believe in that shit? I'm not sure what to believe here, because... A woman originally from Mauritius was sitting on a park bench and engulfed in flames when she was spotted by a passerby in the north German town of Flensburg. when she was spotted by a passerby in the north German town of Flensburg. Maybe she was lighting a fire. I've heard that can cause it sometimes. You think it's just going to be the actual gas coming out of your body, and you're like, you light it, and boom! Because there's gas up inside the body, and it's just like a fucking bomb.

So why would you think this lady, this old lady, sitting in the park by herself lighting farts? Yeah, that seems a little fucked. Something had to start the flame. You just don't all of a sudden explode. Well, that's what they're saying. That's what they're saying. I don't believe that. I believe you can explode and you can catch on fire, but there has to be a spark or something.

Well, Ricky, that's not spontaneous human combustion. That's lighting yourself on fire. That's two different things. What they're saying is she's just sitting there, doo-doo-doo, oh, hi, pigeon. How you doing? Come have some... Yeah, I find that, like, what fucking caused it? Something's got to trigger it.

Was there a timer on her, like a little alarm clock attached to her? No, man. Why would she have a timer? Maybe someone was standing over her with big, thick glasses like bubbles, and the fucking way the sun was going through hit his glasses, shone on her, burnt one little hole. Boom! Something had to cause it. Fire doesn't come from no place. It comes from someplace. Well, that's my whole point.

I don't believe it, okay? I believe in that shit, but I think something had to start it. You're saying... Fire ants. Could have been fire ants. Boom. Spitting fire into their fucking teeth while they're gnawing on her foot. Boom. That's what caused it. Holy fuck, Buzz. What's going on with your stomach, man? It's going... Yeah, she's rumbling.

Is that you? She's rumbling, boys. Jesus, Buzz. Fuck. The fuck is... What did you eat yesterday? I... went to the taco place with the late bag. Fuck, man. Go fucking blow it over here. Just wait, boys.

Don't... You're not fucking going in my bathroom. No, no, no, no. Buzz, fucking blow it over here. Just wait, boys. You're not fucking going to my bathroom. No, no, no. Don't you fucking dare. Randy, I'm fucking serious. You're not leaving us here, man. I'm not finishing this. Fuck. Now, this is fucking great.

I guess I'm going to sit in the fucking, the big man seat. Your bathroom's going to be fucking destroyed now for the rest of the day. Yeah, you should see what he did to my bathroom. It's not very fucking nice in there at the moment. Fuck's sake. All over the place. All right, so birthdays. This day, December 4th,

Jay-Z's birthday is going down today. Tyra Banks. He's a pretty cool motherfucker. Yeah. Hold on a second. December what? It's the Friday. This is all. I had him ready for Friday. So it is Tuesday. December what? It's the Friday. This is

I had it ready for Friday. So it is Tuesday but it's Tuesday but these people are going to have a birthday coming up. Got it. All right.

There's a bunch of people here I don't know. Jay-Z. Okay. How old is that motherfucker? That motherfucker is 45. Wow. He's done pretty good for 45.

He's done a great job. We got fucking freedom 45. We didn't, because you're dumb and fucked everything up. Hey, and what am I trying to do right now? I'm trying to make us some money. I'm trying to read. You're not doing a very good job of it. Well, how about you read some shit here, man?

These are bubbles notes. I'm not a strong reader. Oh, you know about this? That just went down. Oh, yeah, the fucking Grey Cup. It was quite a game. Fucking Eskimos Pulled it off They did

Down 14-0 Came back Good fucking game Right till the end I was pretty fucking wasted I know that I slept on the ground that night You don't

You passed out Halfway through the game man I woke up For the best part though The end Saw all the shit Flying in the air The paper stuff

Yeah it was really nice, wasn't it? Well, that was pretty exciting. Okay, Black Friday, that just happened, okay. People go nuts for, you know, this Black Friday thing. They get into fights, there's been fights all over the United States. People want to get in to, you know, to get the

best deals. Yeah, but, you know, for years, people treated the Afro-Canadians and Afro-Americans like shit, so they should have their own day where they could say, fuck you, and kick some ass, and make everything right and equal. Ricky, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? That's not black, it's not,

that's not what Black Friday is. Anyway, the UK, I mean, over the UK, they do it upright because instead of having Black Friday now, they do it the Friday before Christmas. And then they just get drunk instead of, you know, going out and shopping and spending stupid money. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. So the U.K. people, we've got to fucking learn from this guy.

So they do all the Christmas shopping. Yeah, that's a good one. On a Friday before, so. Boxing Day, whatever. What the fuck is Boxing Day? Boxing Day. There's no boxing, number one. It's a tease. Oh, fuck, we're going to Boxing Day. There's no boxing, number one. It's a tease.

Oh, fuck, we're going to wake up tomorrow after Christmas and watch boxing all fucking day. No. It's just, Ricky. And they have sales after Christmas. Christmas just happened, dumbasses. Like, I wanted to buy my shit before today, for Christmas. That's how they suck people in, man. They throw all kinds of deals on.

Just when you think that you've spent, you know, too much money, they throw these fucking deals on. People get all crazy. Fuck you. We want the rest of your money. And then they get into fights on Boxing Day trying to get the deals as well. So Christmas is about buying shit and getting into fights for a lot of people. Getting banged. Getting drunk and high.

Eating lots of good food with your friends and family. Boom. Fuck Boxing Day. Fuck going to stores. Fuck spending money on gifts. Fuck that. Alright. How do you get like...

We just smoked a joint or half a joint. Yes. The first joint of the day. It's fantastic. How do you function this way? Because I'm fucked. Because you don't smoke enough. It's the same as anything. If you want to get good at it, you gotta fucking do it lots. But I'm, like, more high than I usually am.

Well, you don't get drunk. You drink all fucking day. You don't really get drunk. Same sort of idea, except it's with dope. But it could be with anything. The other day I was talking about getting lint and sugar. I think if you fucking feed a baby lots of sugar, that its teeth will get used to it and fucking adapt and it will never get fucking cavities. I don't know if it's true, but it's just something I was thinking about.

I bet it is true. There's no way that's fucking true. I also covered it in fucking silver spray paint the other day doing a get and learn. Do not puncture a fucking spray paint can with a sharp object. It will not go well for you. No shit. Trust me. I was trying to do the fucking healthy thing for the earth saying, hey, if I throw this in the dump, it might get heated up and fucking explode.

So I'm like, oh, I'll just puncture it, take the pressure out of it. No. Fuck me. Cover me in fucking silver spray paint. Because you're dumb. No. That's why. At least I got learned and got everybody else learned, didn't I? I'm changing the world. Oh. One day at a time.

I don't know about that, Ricky. Some of your ideas are pretty fucked. Bowles, what the fuck are you doing in there, man? And don't use all my toilet paper. This is fucked. All right, I've got some more drunk facts if you want to talk about that shit. One more. All right. In 2011, Russia acknowledged beer as an alcoholic beverage. Before then, any drink under 10% volume was considered a soft drink. No way.

So that's fucked. Well, it isn't. Well, it isn't. So you could serve them anywhere, which is kind of cool. Yeah. But what if you get pulled over? You say, nope, all I had was beer.

I wasn't drinking. See, they'd still be drunk. They'd still be drunk. Catch 23 there for sure. That's all you got, eh? No, I've got more for sure. That's all you got, eh? No, I've got more. That's all you got, huh? I've got more.

I've got Andre the Giant. When he had surgery, the doctors didn't know how much anesthesia to give the guy because he's so fucking big. Yeah. So instead they used Andre's claim that it usually takes two liters of vodka just to make me feel warm inside. They used that as a guide. Holy fuck. Drinks two liters. That guy was a fucking...

He could party, man. Yeah, didn't he drink like fucking 48 beer and eight bottles of wine or some shit? Actually, he's got the world record for the amount of booze. It's fucking insane. And I did have it here, man. For fuck's sakes. I think it was 138 cans of beer in one sitting.

Poor fucker. Used to have to use the bathroom in the fucking bathtub because he wouldn't fit in the toilet. Now it's fucked. Yeah, but he was also

a crazy bastard, man. He was like, you know, ramming his thumb up people's arses and shit like that. He was grinding his arse. He was getting it all

soupy and stuff just to, you know, for that fight to grind his arse. He was getting it all soupy and stuff just to, you know, for that fight to grind his arse. I don't want to think about that. On somebody's face. Thank God Bubbles isn't here.

He'd be talking about him for the rest of the fucking podcast. Bubbles, are you live in there? Bubbs! All right, I'm going to have to go fucking deal with this.

This is fucked. Why didn't he go to his fucking shed? Because his fucking shed's fucked. It's all backed up. He's had the shits for three days now. Well, you can finish the podcast. You want to deal with bubbles?

Try to hear it with this fucking trailer, I guess. Why didn't he go deal with bubbles? Go to bed. What time are we leaving, man, for tour? We got to be at the airport at 7 o'clock or 6.45 or something. In the morning? Yes. Who the fuck picked that flight?

It was the cheapest flight. I'm just fucking staying up. Fuck this. Are you fucking kidding me? All right. When you black out drunk, you don't actually forget anything. Your brain wasn't recording in the first place. I mean, that's all I got for drunk facts.

They're shitty anyway. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Gotta go. See you guys. From the stage, I guess, if you're going to come to our shows.