Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 18 - My New Girlfriend Mary

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

Ricky's got a new toy - is it a tanning booth, Doctor Who's TARDIS, or something really dope? The Boys also talk about kitties, banging on the moon, and play Drunk, Stoned or Stupid!

I got control. Look, I can control the lights. Look, Julian. What is this? Is this like a disco booth for like a little person or something? Get in, throw some music. Those are speakers down there, isn't it? I can't get any sound. Come out of it, Ricky. Do you have to? Is this like a Bluetooth thing? It's everything, boys. I've got the Bluetooth hooked to it, and look, I'm doing that.

I can pick a color, Julian. Give me a color that you like. How about this is my new girlfriend? Green? Oh, no problem. How's that green for you? Go back to blue. You want a different shade of green?

Oh, you want to go to blue, do you? Do you know how long I fucking wanted this? What is it? It looks like it could be one of those fancy LA kind of aquarium kind of things. You see in Beverly Hills. You know what it is? Sharks and shit. Nice try.

I wish it was a kitty teleporter so I could teleport kitties in and out. Maybe it is. What's the name of that fucking show? Doctor Strange Lover. Doctor Who? Is it something from that? Doctor Who? Yeah.

Is this from Battlestar Galactica? What the fuck is it, man? What do these lights do right here? It's not a fridge. Are those a meter lights? Do these flash on and off? No, it's not a fridge. It's not a fucking fridge.

It's not a sauna. It's not a fucking fridge. It's not a sauna. It's not a tanning booth. Ooh, kitty tanning booth. That'd be fucking cool. Actually, you know what? You probably could use it as a tanning booth. I never thought about that. Yeah, for someone who's small, man, I definitely wouldn't get in there and tan.

Okay, so here's what the app has. It's got a timer until light lights on, timer until feeding. Age. E-glass clear. Oh, I know what it is. What? It's for a snake. No, it's not for a fucking snake.

It's a goddamn dope grower. Boom! No, it's not. It's my new girlfriend, Mary. Mary, yeah. It's a dope grower. I've wanted one of these fucking things for a while, boys. And you know what?

The cocksucker wouldn't give me a payment plan, so I went in late at night, and now I have one. Nice fucking work, man. Oh, this thing's fancy, bud. I thought it was going to be something cool, like a fucking, like a snake fucking. It is fucking cool. This is cool, bubs. You're supposed to get a pound off one plant with this fucking thing. One plant.

You know what this is? We're going to find out. This is fucking, this is a money-making machine, bubs. Goddamn right it is. Yeah, but I thought it was going to be something fun that I could partake in. I don't want anything to do with it. Who doesn't like to fucking grow weed, man? That's fun.

Me. Why not? Because it always winds up the same. Same point. With jail. Oh, wait. Bubs, you're allowed to have some fun this is legal man i wish it was big enough that i could get in it at least well you might be here you want to try to get in see look it's fun we're gonna get in there bubs a seed you can even select

the seed we're gonna put it in this little guy it's gonna germinate it and then we're gonna plunk him in there. In 12 weeks. Where are the seeds? Right here. Oh, yeah. Look at those seeds, man. Remember that shit I grew last summer? Oh, that crazy shit. The stuff that you shit yourself after you smoked it.

That's this? That's fucking good weed, man. Those are the shit yourself seeds. Yeah. Actually, we should call it shit yourself weed. Oh, no. It's probably not very good. No, that wouldn't be.

That's not great marketing, boys. Holy shit. Weed.'s probably not very good. No, that wouldn't be... That's not great marketing boys. Holy shit. Weed. Holy shit. Holy shit. You smoke it? Holy shit. I do like the adorable little thing it's in. Thank you. I do like the... Let me see. Look. Alright, so take one

of those seeds. Pick one. And we're gonna put it in here. Third from the top, please. Is that the lucky seed? Is that the pound? Third from the top. that's a lucky seed is that the power from the top i was just is that the pound per plant and that one kind of winked at me okay here hold that for a sec they're all in here okay third from the top is this one yeah right in there put that little all right how much money we're going to make off a pound these days what is it going for you know what not very much these days.

Yeah, but if it's holy shit weed. Well, we might be able to get up to $2,000. I'd fucking pay double the amount of money for holy shit fucking weed any day. Got our special little water with a few little ingredients. Oh, yeah. You just put it right over like that. You're not drowning the little cocksucker. There we go.

12 weeks. We'll have a pound of weedcksucker. There we go. Twelve weeks. We'll have a pound of weed. One pound of holy shit weed, man. Hopefully. Which is how much money? Fifteen hundred to two thousand, maybe. Twenty-five. It's not really about the money. It's more about the fucking good smoke. What color should it be when you

start? Green means go. Green means go. Green means go. Are we go. Green means go. Are we doing this? Yeah. This is the first day of the rest of our fucking lives, boys. If it works, we're going to get fucking 20 of these. Julian, just hold up.

She's red. Red means stop. No, it's orange. It's pink. Green means go. It's pink. It's green. It needs a fucking kick-ass speaker built in. No. A subwoofer or everything.

All right, did I hear that if you played classical music or something, the fucking shit will grow better? Or is that just some fucking idiot? That's a lie. No, that was something to do with your mother. No. She likes the classical? Yeah.

Get the juices flowing? She liked fucking Conway Twitty or whatever the fuck his name was. Conway Twitty. Vince Gill, whatever the fuck. Exciting times. 12 fucking weeks. 12 weeks is a long time. I used to be able to grow dope in 66 days.

What the fuck? But if we get a pound, that'll be good. 12 weeks. That doesn't seem right, man. Could you be seated, please? What the fuck is this? You're weirding me out. Could you be seated, please? What the fuck is this? You're weirding me out, standing behind me. I'm looking at the plant.

What the fuck is this? Who brought this? Oh, that's a gift we got. What do we do with it? We open it. It's a game. And look at this, boys. Look what I was given.

What was that? What is it? A little burger. It's a little barbecue. For Barbie and Ken. What is it? Just one burger? One burger.

Mini burgers. Just one burger. Oh burger. Mini burgers. One burger. Oh, you could have a whole bunch of little, what are they called? Sliders. Four sliders. Coin burgers. Yeah, coin burgers.

The coins. I'll eat a coin burger. I'm going to fire that up. Get that thing going, man. I'm going to. You could probably get a whole beer can chicken on there. Yeah, I don't think it would. It would take a while. Yeah, I don't think it would. It'd take a while to cook.

I don't think it would. Yeah, yeah. All right, so. Are we going to start this fucking show or what? Yeah. Yeah, do that. Who wants it? Who wants to do this?

You do it. I'm busy. Hey, motherfuckers. Welcome to Perk After Dark. You're with me, Julian, my friend Ricky, my other friend Bubz, and that's Mary back there. Say hi to Mary. Hi, Mary.

Make us some money. This is a game called Drunk, Stoned, or Stupid. Love it. Let's do it. So pick a card, read it aloud, and decide in the group, decide who in the group should be tagged with the card and why. Whoever ends up with the most cards loses. Oh, the cards. There's a dog here barking.

Cards are all stuck together like somebody fucking... Dog says woof. Okay, here's a card. Laughs at jokes they don't get. Classic rules. Best for players who hate their friends. One player reads a card aloud, they are now the judge. So you get to be the judge, I guess. So it's best to play with someone that hates their friends. One player reads the card aloud, they are now the judge. So you get to be the judge,

I guess. So it's best to play with someone that hates their friends? Is that all you do? You just point at somebody? Totally should have Randy. Everyone says who in the group deserves the card and why. You do not want to be tagged with the card. The judge decides who gets the card. This player keeps the card and loses a point.

Each round has a new judge. Listen, what's going on here? I'm too fucking frustrated. The jokes they don't get here. That's you, Ricky. What the fuck? Do I? Yes.

Never again. No, you can't help it, though. You can't help it. Never again. Never again. You're never going to laugh again, are you? Not at all. I'm never going to laugh again.

What do I do? How about this? Every time you laugh. The jokes they don't get. I get every all. I'm never gonna laugh again. What do I do? How about this? Every time you laugh... I get every joke. I am a joke. No, you don't. You are a joke, but you don't get the jokes. I don't like you guys.

Sometimes we're explaining things to you that's not a joke and you laugh. See? There we go. A dollar. What do you mean? You ask a dollar every time you laugh. Hey, Ricky, how many beans does it take to change a light bulb? See?

I mean, I haven't even told our end of it yet. Oh, man. That is kind of funny, though. How many beans does it take to change a light bulb? I was just trying to picture the little beans walking around carrying the big bulb over their heads. I don't know. It was funny.

How many? What the fuck is wrong? Sixteen. Get many? What the fuck is wrong? Sixteen. Get it? No. Hmm. Let's get a card going. Sixteen beans?

Yeah. Why? Don't you get it, Ricky? I don't. Sixteen beans. You don't get it. What does mean holy fuck man oh he should have had the card laughs at jokes he doesn't understand because they're too complicated 16 beans i don't you don't fucking get it say it a different way so i'll understand

say it a different way how many light bulbs get changed by 16 beans? I don't understand. Red. Wow. That was a good one, man. Give me a fucking card. All right. Let's keep this going.

Talks about celebrities like they know them. Gee, I wonder. I wonder who. Let's keep this going. Talks about celebrities like they know them. Hmm. Gee, I wonder. I wonder who. I think we'll give this one here to Patrick Swayze. Oh, fuck you, man. Don't fucking call me Patrick Swayze. How many ladies at the strip club have you told you know Robert De Niro?

I, no, no, no, no, no. You've told ladies that? I told them I was supposed to meet Robert De Niro, which we were, and things got fucked up. I didn't say I met him. I met him. But I did meet a lot of other people that I may have talked about just because it's cool.

Oh, here's a good one. Who knows a Roger De Niro? Here's a good one. Who the fuck knows Roger De Niro? Change a song every 30 seconds. Who do we know that does that? You. I don't.

Well, you're fucking wasted. You're out of control with that shit. No, I enjoy. I turn it back to the start because I haven't been. But yeah, but then you change it to another one because you're like, oh, I want to hear this song. Okay, fine, I'll take that one. Who were you thinking? I don't know.

I thought you had an obvious one. Okay, are we still... This game is not at all what I thought it was going to be. Oh, it's pissing me off. Why is it called Drunk, Stoned, or Stupid? I don't know, but it makes me want to punch people in the face. Me too, man. It's not that great of a game.

I don't want to punch my friends, so we should stop playing. Needs to play just one song at every party. Yeah. What? Give me an R. How many times?

It's a party song! It gets people fucking talking. Yeah, but you don't want to hear it fucking ten times. When you're at a party and no one's saying a fucking word, they have no choice but to say words then, do they? Yeah, but you... If you'd learn the fucking song, all the lyrics and shit,

instead of like, give me an R, give me D, you fuck it up, man, when you're wasted. It's annoying. Why would you say the same word every time? Because that's the fucking lyrics, man. Is this really the game this game is like you gotta speed it up man i thought it was gonna be like you know a guy took a shit in the vase and fucking just stab me with these please jump down a chimney was he drunk stupid or stoned

incapable of being on time i I mean, these are just all you. Who gives a fuck? You just keep the box. You lose. Hate that game, man. All right. How much did you pay for this stupid fucking game? It was a present. It was a gift. It's not, you know what the thing is?

There's no swearing. There's no fucking raunchy sex kind of questions and shit. It's just stupid things, man. I don't want to stop, though, for some reason. Peaked in high school. Yeah, that's you. Keep that one. Peaked?

Peaked. Peaked? Peaked. It's when I was like fucking... Like my ass was buzzed on? Totally. Cuts through power cables with grinders. Oh.

That's a clinking ink. I wonder who that is. Can't help but cheat is what the card really is. You bubs. Sits at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green. Who does? We've all done that. A stop sign?

Yeah. Fucked out of our minds. What did we do? Painted it green. Oh, fuck, man. That would be funny. We should go paint all the stop signs green. And then put go on them.

No, but they still say stop. Just to fuck with people. Listen to this. I know they're all stuck together like... I wonder what the substance is well maybe whoever gave it to us was jacking off while fucking they just want to see us handling it gross man i think it might have been jacked on listen somebody with a jackfish people are fucked up there man yeah somebody might have jacked on this listen this will determine

quiet oh yeah load cards load cards put those away give those to randy give them to him little gift don't just fucking don't what are you doing now i smell like fucking a hospital or something, man. Cried when Mufasa died. There you go, Julian. Cried when Mufasa died? Bald. Nope.

Ah, fuck. Load hands. You're used to that. Still got some in between my fingers here. Yeah. All right, let's get those fucking load cards off the table and let's talk about something else. Let's talk about your... You know how fucked the world is these days, boys?

There's this guy who fucking went to jail 30 years ago, right? He escaped prison. He's on the run for like 30 years. COVID got the best of him. He has no job. He's homeless. So what does he do? Die?

What does he do? Die. No. No. He lives in a shoebox. No. He turned himself in. After how many years?

30. Why? He said, fuck this, because I'm homeless. I'm not making any money. Lost his job. Oh, I missed. So he turned himself in to go back to jail. What did he do?

I don't know, man. Jacked off on a board game. Oh, fuck. He was growing marijuana. That's it? So how, they're not going to take him. Well, they would because he escaped jail, I guess. But yeah, that's it.

That's bullshit. What are you crunching on over there, Ricky? I have no idea. It's pretty good, though Very crunchy I'm sure people are loving that Yes, the people with the headphones on are loving that You know what?

I'm not a big animal lover But this dickhead on YouTube He's raising this piglet for 100 days He's documenting the whole thing Then he's going to eat it on camera That's fucking twisted how could he do that

somebody should fucking put him on camera and eat him I'm sure you know what there are serial killers out there feed him to the pigs he would have snacked right on him revenge of the pigs there's a movie yeah your mama is the get the lead role in it Jesus Christ Act great on them. Revenge of the Pigs. There's a movie.

Yeah, your mama's the... Get the lead role in it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Revenge of the slutty pigs. Did you see that fucking cat they saved at the football game? You must have loved that. Yeah, man. Everybody in the world has seen that. That was fucking great, man.

Why the fuck was the cat there is what I want to know. Some stupid asshole took a cat to the nosebleed section? No, he was probably a street kitty that got up there. Looking for mice and shit. Popcorn. He's looking for, you know, bleacher mice. How did he fuck up? Did someone throw him over? Did he just No, I think he fucked up. He wasn't looking

and he stepped off? I think he might have fucked up. He might have stepped in some monster or something. This is what I think. He was lapping up some fucking beer and got drunk. He might have been drunk. A little something. This is what I think. He was lapping up some fucking beer and got drunk. He might have got drunk. He might have been drunk. A little sidestep, hanging on. But I think what he was probably going along the railing,

and some fucking slob had fucking mustard on there, and he stepped in the mustard and his leg went out. Down he went. Could have been a baby banana peel. Could have been. You know what you are? You're like the feline Quincy of our day. That's right.

Those guys should be, they should be given the Presidential Medal of Freedom or whatever it's called. No, it wasn't. They're fucked. Yeah, but then they grabbed the cat. They're like, yeah, look, we did it, and scared the fuck out of the poor guy. Well, no. Imagine if the cat fucking came off and just went splat in front of everyone.

Yeah. It'd be fucking scary. Wouldn't happen, man. It wasn't that high. A cat doesn't take much to splat a cat. Can we not talk about this? I bet you you could fucking throw a cat at 20 floors. It'd land.

It'd be okay. Oh, at 20 kilometers an hour, you can splat him pretty good. Let me tell you. 20 kilometers an hour? What do you mean? What, did you get through one? Yeah, we hit one. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Okay, you hit a fucking cat, didn't you? I did not hit a cat. I was chasing a cat. Okay. And the cat jumped up, and there was a car doing about 20 in the trailer park, and he got spotted. You seen any cats? Okay. Didn't know this.

We're going to have to have a fucking investigation now. Which kitty was it? It wasn't yours. Well, they're all my kitties. What are you, like the queen that owns the fucking swans? This one was from the city. It had a city tag on it. A city kitty.

Oh, I don't believe that. he was just coming to do some banging quick in and out oh i know who he was oh he was a dirty bastard i know who you're talking about what's the deal on me glad he's dead now or what no i'm not glad he's dead at least he didn't suffer. He didn't suffer, did he, Ricky? No. He went very quick.

Did he run over his head? No, windshield took him right out. Going 20. You know what, the guy was

probably doing 40 or 50. You guys are totally fucking with me, I know you are. A cat would have to hit the

windshield going about 100 to fucking totally knock him out as if he would not feel anything. If you were driving 50 going this way and you threw a cat out the window at an uncommon car doing 50... Who threw it out the window? The plot thickens, bud. I knew there was more to this fucking story.

You didn't throw a fucking cat out the window. So it actually hit the fucking car. I didn't know the cat was going 100. That's what I'm talking about. I'm just a good number.

That's when it it didn't feel a thing. No it definitely didn't feel anything. Do you ever see a bug hit a fucking I'd say for about

two maybe a tenth of a second it jumps out the window and sees the car coming going oh fuck bye. Yeah there would

have been a split second. It did have time to realize his fuck up. This is horrible. Teasing me. Did you see that?

Do you know about the skinny house in Boston that's only 10 feet wide? Just teasing me. 10 feet wide is not very wide. For what? This house in Boston, the skinny house. Who the fuck would do that? It just sold for 1.2 million or 2.5 million dollars. I could live in a 10-foot-wide fucking house.

That's a palace. Your shed's about 10 feet wide, isn't it? Nine. Okay, so we're... How many square feet is it? I didn't... I mean, if it's that wide, it could be fucking a mile long. It's long, but I mean, it's just weird.

I don't even know how you... I would love to be living in a skinny house. All right. That's not a bad idea, then. Maybe you'd have an elevator at the back. Yeah, that'd be cool. That's a lot of money, though, for a fucking 10 feet wide house. It depends.

10 feet wide and fucking 700 feet long. It wasn't fucking 700 feet long. It might have been 30. It's only 300 square feet per floor. Still a good size. You get three floors in there 900 square feet Right in the heart of Boston

It's not worth 1.25 million is it? If it's right in the city Fuck Skinny Houses 1.25 million Yeah Holy fuck Start building some skinny houses Look

Check this out Is that a normal cat to you? Does that What kind of cat's that? Zebra cat. That's not a... What is that? I can't see it.

Bring it in here. Look at that. See that one? Looks like a normal cat to me. Your screen's all fucking blurry. No, your fucking glasses are all blurry. Your screen's not very high-def. I know what kind of cat that is.

You should. Yes, I know what kind of cat it is. What is it? It's an Appalachian. Nope. Jail kitty. Yes, I know what kind of cat it is. What is it? It's an Appalachian. Nope. Jail kitty. Okay, Julian, educate me. It's the African Blackfooted Cat, pal.

Also known as the Appalachian. No, also known as the Felis Negraips Cat. Yes. One of the deadliest feline cats in the fucking world. What do you mean, bingo? What? Bingo. Deadly. It kills people. deadly kills deadly it's got the best

kill fucking rate of any fucking cat on the planet i'm getting one 10 to 14 rodents or small birds a night a fucking normal a tiger let me see a lion a tiger no a lion only gets uh 20 to 25 percent yeah it was lions This thing gets 60. This is a fucking horn killer. I need one. It's a killing machine. You pluck your eye out just with one claw. Imagine how many fucking mice would be gone out of here.

Oh, we would take down. If you wanted, they're expensive though, Ricky. If you want to split on one, I'll go in halfsies. Can you rent one for a weekend? No, man. No, you can't rent them. They're eight to 10 inches tall, man, and they're in Africa. Eight to ten inches tall.

We could get one shipped over, though. I'll go halfsies. It's like a small squirrel. Bubs, this is not a house pet. Well, it could be. Oh, it's pretty fucking cute looking, though. Oh, they're very cute. What if he dressed up as a fucking rodent for Halloween?

No, he wouldn't care. He wouldn't mind. You have to get him when he's a little tiny kitty and do belly work on him as he grows. And then he's fine. He's not going to. Okay, we'll see how fine he is. This was gross. I forgot about this.

This woman in Oklahoma, she was shopping with her two daughters. Reaches in to grab a little bag of pizza rolls. Feels something a little funny on the back of it. Turns it over. It's some of that shit in the freezer. Oh, yeah. Those dirty motherfuckers. Oh, yeah. They're fucking gross.

What is wrong with people, man? I don't know. They found the guy on video, and he was going around the grocery store taking pictures of women and shit, and shitting in freezers. It's a weird one. They say in jail, the guy...

He shits in the freezer, and then he takes a bag of pizza rolls and puts it over the shit. So when she picks up that bag, there was shit underneath it. And you know what? He's probably lurking over in the corner, jacking, waiting for it. Oh, yeah. It's a fetish, man.

Poor little girl's the whole way home. They're like, Mommy, we can still smell it. See, somebody should take that guy and fucking. Shit in his mouth. Shit in his mouth. Oh, okay. I wasn't going to say that. Beat him... Shit in his mouth. Shit in his mouth. Oh, okay. I wasn't going to say that. Beat him.

Shit in his mouth and beat him. That might be a good punishment. Shit in his mouth and then fucking sew up his mouth shut. Jesus. That'll teach him. No, it's fucking gross, man. They need some pain. Yeah, that was a pretty gross one.

Yeah, they should shit on him at least. This is pretty fucked, too. The taxi fleets in Thailand, they should shit on them at least. This is pretty fucked too. The taxi fleets in Thailand, they're not doing anything because of COVID. So they're turning their rooftops of their cars into gardens. Growing fucking tomatoes and cucumbers and string beans. That's a great idea. Why? How about just plant a garden in the ground?

Well, because they probably, you know, they still want to work, but, oh, I've got to check my tomatoes. I don't want to drive all the way home. They're on the roof. So they're driving around with a garden on their fucking roof. But wouldn't all the roots be coming down inside the car? It's metal. I don't think roots would penetrate metal.

They might. That'd be cool. But I was thinking, why not get the fuck over there and get them to be growing weed for us? We want to grow some shit. Not going to make much money off tomatoes and cucumbers. Wow, in Thailand you might. Delicacies. Oh, yeah.

Julian, El Chapo's fucking safe house is up for auction. I thought you might want to go in on it. El Chapo? Yeah. Safe house with that tunnel that was under the bathtub yeah i think they got that filled in but you can buy it man how much they say it's only valued about 180 000 no way the fuck wouldn't you want to buy that now it's cheaper than a house here for fuck's sakes yeah it would have bad vibes though bad mojo kiss the fuck it's 180 grand

turn into a fucking airbnb oh make that a year yeah man you dig at the tunnel again have like a like a fake al chapo in there like human bones down there and makes it look like it's somebody died People like that shit. You could build an El Chapo out of, you know. Put some bullet holes in the walls. Escobar, he's got a safe host that he used to go up to a wall and go, open. Used to what? Voice activated wall, man.

Oh, wow. That's cool. Yeah, he had some good shit. Well, this is a game changer. You canty train cows cows why there was a headline well i don't know it sounded stupid to me but i guess it's to combat polluting emissions or some bullshit older yeah i guess but why you don't mean you train them to shit in a big cow toilet you can train them to shit in a fucking special little enclosure. They said they're easier to train than little kids.

Well, yeah, because they probably beat them with fucking electric cattle prods. Yeah. You tend to learn very quickly when you're getting a fucking 220 volts up your arse. Well, the nice thing is now I bet a lot more people are going to have them as pets. You know what's gross? I'm not are going to have them as pets. You know what's gross? I'm not training them to have them as pets, Ricky. Well, I could have a fucking cow in here, no problem. You're not going to fucking...

Shit in where? I'm not coming over... This party place. No, man. No, no, no. I'm not coming back over here if there's a cow in here, man. A cow litter box. Jesus Christ, Ricky.

Ricky, cows take shit that big. Fertilizer. Oh, cows take shit that big. Fertilizer. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Fertilizer. You know that the dairy cows, you know what they do after they're done, like fucking milking the shit out of them all their lives? Kill them.

Sleep? Kill them. And then fucking butcher them and give them to their pussy meat to fast food restaurants. Their pussy meat? They are. They're all full of fucking pus, man. They get milk. Gross.

They get their tits filled with milk nonstop, over and over again. It creates this pus inside of their body. It's just fucking gross. Jesus Christ. Next time you eat a burger when you're out, pus burger. Guarantee you. No. Here's a feel-good story.

Awesome. There's not many of these anymore. This mother in Alabama, she fucking got on a school bus and beat the fuck out of a kid because he was bullying her kid. Yeah! Yeah! That's probably other ways of dealing with that, Rick. That fucking put a big smile on my face.

I don't know. If somebody was bullying my kid, I'd do the same thing. I don't know if I'd beat them. I might pull a gun on them or something. I don't know. I might shoot them with kid, I'd do the same thing. I don't know if I'd beat them. I might pull a gun on them or something. I don't know. I might shoot them. That's the only thing that works. I might shoot them with a telekiner.

So what was it? Somebody was getting bullied. So the mother of the kid was getting bullied. She went on the bus and said, hey, fuckface, you're going to bully my kid? Boom! I didn't see the video, but there is video, I guess. I'm going to watch it. It's going to make me smile.

I don't think you need to hit them. Maybe grab a hole and like this, fucking put them up against the wall. Maybe that's all she did. I don't see the video, but there is video I guess I'm gonna watch I don't think you need to hit them Maybe grab a hole like this fucking put them up against maybe that's all she did I don't know come near my kid again. I'm gonna knock you the fuck out. You don't gotta hit him I bet the boys gonna think twice before he fucks around again though, isn't he? She coulda went to a nobody ever calls him on the shit. No you go to the fucking principal now They don't do fuck off. They don't do anything man HR HR principal. They don't do fuck all. They don't do anything, man. HR. HR. Listen to my little Mary.

Is that it? Yeah. Mary, Mary, quite contrary. Mary's like, ooh, somebody put some food in me. I need to make it big. What color should we hear? Do you want to just go to amber here for a second? I can't believe it's September the 24th already.

Fuck! September 24th, man. Oh, man, some cool people got porned on this day. Who got porned today? Phil Hartman. He was funny as fuck until his wife shot him. Oh, boys, we need you. We forgot to do a toast to Norm.

Oh, fuck! I can't believe it. Oh, fuck's sakes, man. Norm McDonald. God damn it. Norm, you were a funny motherfucker. You were. Certainly were.

I got to meet him one time, and he thought we were the band Soundgarden or something. Yes, he did. All right. You guys are from Soundgarden, aren't you? Yeah. We got introduced. Somebody said, hey, Norm, do you know these guys? He's like, oh, yeah, hey.

I know, yeah. Soundgarden. Yeah. Remember, he was trying to check into a hotel the wrong hotel and they were like mr mcdonald um he's like no no get me i got a room here you got to get me checked in and after a lot of investigating she said oh we figured out the problem mr mcdonald you're not staying at this hotel you're down street. You're staying at the hotel down the street. And he said, oh, well, can you check me into that one then?

They did. No, they didn't. They sent him on his way. Oh, they did too. Yeah. Oh, Philly Hartman. He was great. He would have known Norm MacDonald.

Jim Henson. Wasn't he famous? Jim Henson. He did something big. Kermit the Frog. Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy. He banged Miss Piggy?it the Frog. Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy? He banged Miss Piggy?

No, he made Miss Piggy. Oh, he was her dad. Donzo. He was Kermit the Frog. That's cool. The Muppets, Ricky. You know, the Muppets. It's all the fucking puppets.

You used to love the Muppets. Yeah, until I found out they weren't real. That's right. You used to jack off to Miss Piggy, didn't you? We caught you. Kevin Sorbo? Do I know him? Yeah, man. He was the fucking guy with the sword. Of course he knows.

I watched TV. Neovertulos. Julian knows every obscure actor that ever played Hercules, believe me. Jake Phelps. Phelps. Linda McCartney, you know her. Yes.

She had one hand or something, didn't she? One leg, one hand. That's not Linda, no. Linda McCartney was his first wife that he married in the 60s and was with, you know, forever. Okay. She just passed away. No, he did have a wife, you know, forever. Okay. She just passed away. No, he did have a wife with one leg, though. Okay, that's what I thought.

The one that railroaded him? Yeah, that one didn't end very well, apparently. Nick Haig, you know him? Maybe. He's an American astronaut. Yes. Colonel Haig. What about John Young?

Ninth person to walk on the moon. It's kind of not that great, is it? It's pretty fucking good, Ricky. It's pretty fucking good, man. Ninth. Fuck. They haven't done it since. There's only been like 20 total.

He's doing pretty good. He's ninth. He's in the top ten. He's got to be in the top three. There's no point in even... Like, why did you even put that after your name? Now, if you were the first one to bang on the moon, that's fucking pretty special.

Well, it'd be weird seeing, you know. I don't think Neil Armstrong wanted to be famous for that. I wonder what would happen if you shot something out with no gravity but it just sort of hang in the air. What would he have said? What would he have said? What would he have said? That's one small load for one giant load for mankind. One small load for me and one giant load for mankind. The floating load.

The man on the moon. Buzz Aldrin. That'd be a good series, the floating load chronicles. It'd still be floating around, wouldn't it? Would it? Yes, it would be if it was in space. It would be preserved. Would it still it still no did you just say wow so what would you do you would have it in front of all the fucking

space things that have been accomplished in the last 60 years i've never heard you say wow and now you're picturing neil armstrong's load floating around I think he was picturing his own. Oh. It would just be weird, man, if you go back like 30 years later. Woo. Here it is. Floating around. Yeah.

There's the load I dropped. Randy would be having a good time. He'd be like Pac-Man. Yeah. Wugga, wugga. Wow. All right. All right. How's Mary doing? Wow Alright Alright How's Mary doing?

Mary's fucking horny You know what? We gotta fucking go We gotta do something Alright You know what's nice about Mary? What? I don't have to do a fucking thing

She's just there Growing The next 12 weeks I'm not gonna do anything I think there's something about Mary What? No That was a great thing to That's just a joke I'm not gonna do anything. I think there's something about Mary. What? No, Ricky, I was... That was a great thing to...

That's just a joke. That's an example. Yeah, but he didn't laugh at it. He didn't understand it. Let's go. You wanna fire up the barbecue, boys? Yeah, I want the first one down. Get some burgers on?

Yep. Four sliders we're gonna make. Just a little fucking thing come out. All right. Somebody say goodbye. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.