Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 180 - A Pig Named Bubbles

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

This week, Ricky’s movie theatre etiquette is called into question - and what's up with parents at the movies?! Also: The Boys discuss whether sperm shots for back pain work, why you don’t f**k with gasoline or a marsupial with three openings, and the merits of corn hole wiping! Episode 180 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Sweet lobster vodka. Fucking disgusting. It's not really... What are you talking about? Lobsters are fucking gross-looking creatures,

and they taste like shit. They smell fucking horrible. They taste... How do you know? You ate... I tasted it today. You ate a piece of lobster that was no bigger than the head of a pin,

and now all of a sudden you're a lobster expert. Lobsters are fucking awesome. The texture is fucked. It tastes great. Texture? How could you tell what the texture is? You ate it. It was like the head of a pin.

Piece of lobster. I could tell. And you were gagging. Bob Zmar, I'm not in the mood for this shit. They taste delicious and they smell delicious and they're actually quite cute. I wish I had one of those right now. Big fucking lobster sandwich. Right?

Not for me. They're pretty adorable when you get right into looking at them. I would take a peanut butter sandwich over a lobster sandwich any day. Peanut butter sandwich. What's wrong with a peanut butter fucking sandwich? Huh? I guess it is one of the only things you can live off of. You can't live off of a peanut butter sandwich, man.

You can live a lot longer, bud. What are you talking about, Ricky? You can't live off of peanut butter sandwiches. Isn't it the one food that you can live off of? Peanut butter. Yeah. All that. No, Ricky.

You can't live just off of peanut butter. You'd have a better chance of surviving with potato and butter than you would with a fucking sandwich. How about a fucking orange? Throw an orange in there, vitamin C. An orange would, I'm just saying, we all know that oranges will help you out. You can't live off peanut butter because you need vitamin C. Well maybe I'll try it and see what's going to happen to me. You ever hear of scurvy? You get scurvy for that shit, don't you? Scurvy, yes. You know when they come over here and got scurvy?

Who? Alright, you go for that diet. Let's see you get scurvy and yes. You know, when they come over here and got scurvy? Who? All right, you go for that diet. Let's see you get scurvy and see what happens. The scurvyites. They settled over here. Half of them died because they got scurvy. All they had to do was eat a fucking orange. Or a lime.

They ate a lime. They would have avoided the whole scurvy thing. That's what they call English people. What do you need to get not scurvy? Well, an orange. Or a lime. What's in it, though? Vitamin C.

There's no vitamin C in peanut butter. Bullshit. I don't believe so, Ricky. Why would there be? I think it has all the essential things you need. Peanuts aren't even nuts, first of all. What are they, a vegetable? They're a legume.

A what? A legume. Legume. What's the English word for it? Huh? I think that is a vegetable. Peanuts, that's what they are. A vegetable.

They're a vegetable. Yeah. Okay. I don't know the definitions, but I know it's not a nut. You're a fucking nut. Yeah. Fuck. All right, let's get this nut. You're a fucking nut. Fuck. All right, let's get this going. Yes, get the fucking going.

Tip that thing back. Suck some back. Did we not start? No, man. Dig deep. All right, what's up, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Park Boys podcast

coming at you right now. This is podcast 180, January 25th. Another month is gone almost, man. Thank fuck, because winter sucks. January's just trudging along. It's been fucking cold. I'm pissed off. Are you still in the same picture?

It's taken me a long time. There's a lot of fucking detail. Jesus. Let me see. Let's get an update on it. There's not much of an update, actually. I haven't done much in a week. You're getting a fair bit of her done there, Ricky.

It's coming. So you used... So this is her skin color. So you did it as if the whole ass is out of the pants, huh? Oh, is her pants on there? I thought she was naked. Naked? They're naked, man.

I thought that was just tattoos. Oh, they're just body painted? I don't know. I don't know either. I'm confused. They sure are lickin'. Lots of lickin' going on there, buddy. Sure are lickin'. Yeah. So what's happen going on there, buddy. They sure are licking.

Yeah. So what's happening? I don't know, man. You know what? What did you do all week? Oh, man. I've just been fucked lately. You know what?

Super Bowl's coming up, too. It's not good. Yeah, this is not good. We've got to come up with some money. Oh, fuck the Super Bowl. Super Bowl can go fuck itself. All right, it's not. You know, this is not good. We've got to come up with some money. Oh, fuck the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl can go fuck itself. You know what I think we should do, boys? Pull all of our money together and fucking throw down some bets on the Super Bowl.

See what happens. Nope. Not me, baby. I'm not wasting my money on that. What if we... There's a good chance of winning, man. Good chance of losing, too. Then what do you got?

Nothing. Nothing. If we pulled some kind of scam between now and then and then reinvested it all in a bet, that's what I'm talking about. So... Oh, my God. You could make some serious fucking money betting on the Super Bowl, man. Yeah? If you bet on the long shot.

Who's going to be in the Super Bowl, man. Yeah? If you bet on the long shot, who's going to be in the Super Bowl? Do we know? Yeah, we do. Who's in it? The Patriots? Patriots, yeah. And who else? The Rams?

The Patriots and the Rams. East versus West. I thought fucking Kansas City was going to pull it off. And what are the odds? What's the spread, as they say? Well, I'm sure the Patriots are favored. Okay, so you want to bet on the Rams or the Patriots? Just suck, man.

Oh, look at fucking... Look at them over here. Here we go. The odds. The odds were a great band, great Canadian band. You remember them? Yeah. The Odds?

The Odds. What tunes did they sing? The Odds. I know, but I forget what was the tunes. You would remember them. They had a bunch of hits. Sing a couple. I'm not going to sing a couple.

Okay, it's going back and forth, okay? Just roughly. Ballpark, for fuck's sakes. We're not running a scientific experiment here. Okay, I'm trying to fucking find it. Yeah, the game's gonna be over by the time you figure out the odds. Boy, is this vodka something else to drink straight? Let somebody smell it. No, it doesn't really smell like lobster.

No, it's the company name. It doesn't have lobster in it, Ricky. It's a terrible name, though. You'd think... Who would want... Who would want fucking lobster-flavored vodka? Well, they have clam juice. Yeah, that's not...

Clamato. That's not clam-flavored vodka, though. Maybe it would be a hit. I don't know. I don't think so. Anybody interested in getting burnt on January the 25th? Yeah. Who is it? Hit me with it. Virginia Woolf. Oh, Virginia Woolf. Who the fuck is Virginia Woolf. Oh, Virginia Woolf.

Who the fuck's Virginia Woolf? Who's Virginia Woolf, you say? Yeah. She's a British author. She wrote lots of books. Virginia Woolf did. Jacob's Room. Jacob's Room.

Yeah. What about Jacob's Room? Two Lightos. Oh, yeah, that's right. Did you ever see the movie Jacob's Ladder? Two Lightos. Oh, yeah, that's right. Did you ever see the movie Jacob's Ladder? Yes. Jacob doesn't even own a ladder. Ricky totally didn't understand that fucking movie at all.

Well, it's not an easy movie to understand. Especially when you're severely fucked up. Just give me a little note about it. Jacob's Ladder? Yeah. Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins, Vietnam, mind-controlled drugs. Fuck.

Testing mind-controlled drugs on the soldiers. Went crazy, killed everybody. Fucked them up. Fucked up, boy. How did it end? Buddy was seeing all kinds of shit in the back of the car. What happened? Yeah.

So I don't think anything in the movie happened. No. I think it was all in his head. It was all from the drugs. It was totally freaky, man. I had to watch it a couple times. I was confused. I remember saying, don't ever let me watch this again.

It's a brain fuck. Ricky, you get confused over pretty much every movie we watch. Not all of them. A lot of the Disney shit's pretty easy to understand. Yeah, but you got confused over pretty much every movie we watch. Not all of them. A lot of Disney shit's pretty easy to understand. Yeah, but you got confused at Moana. When we went to Moana together. Did I? Yes. And you're way too fucking loud in those movies. Well, I gotta ask questions. Kids watch movies.

They don't want to hear you fucking swearing your head off and yelling shit at the screen. I know. We're sitting in a movie theater watching Disney and all you can hear is, that wouldn't fucking happen. That's fucking bullshit. Well, some of it's not believable. So I call it bullshit. Ricky, it's an animated fucking movie. It's a Disney movie.

It's a Disney. You'll make it believable. I know, but there's kids around, you're lighting joints and fucking screaming that shit doesn't make sense. I don't even remember much about that movie. I was pretty fucked up. It was The Rock, right? He was... Yeah, who gets fucked up and goes to Moana?

Don't know, man. Like, why would you get baked for that? When you're baked, cartoons feel a lot more real. What cartoons do you like to watch baked? The thing that sucks is getting in fights with parents. Yeah, you don't... Go to a movie. Fucking causing shit, Ricky.

I didn't... Fucking one guy's like, you can't do that in here. I'm like, but it's a vape. It's not a goddamn joint. Yeah, I get his point, though, Ricky. You don't need to be vaping in a movie theater full of kids watching Moana. Really. He could have went out to the lobby. I just told him to shut the fuck up and keep eating his popcorn.

Oh, I know you did. I know you did. I was there. That's what I told him. This kid could shut the fuck up too. Yeah. You remember the little girl behind you that shushed you? Huh. Bet she won't shush anybody else ever again, will she? She's probably terrified now. Probably will never go to the movies again. I did overreact. And the amount of food he picks up off the fucking ground and eats. Like it's rich.

Well, that popcorn was pretty fresh. It was pretty fresh, I know. You just take the top part, not the stuff touching the floor. All right, man. Andy Cox. Andy Cox. He got bored today. Derp player.

Yep. How old is he of a fella now? He was born today. Guitar player. Yep. How old is he, the fella, now? He was born when? 56. 56. So he's what, 80? No. What is he?

He's 56, so it's what, 19 now? 2019 minus 1956 is? That's like 63 or something, isn't it? Holy fuck. Can you not add 19 to fucking? I'm fucking, let me think about it. 1956? I was just throwing that out there, man.

Before he's four. Here, I'm going to just do it on the old calculatrice. He's 63. Jesus, that was bad. That's what I said, isn't it? Well, I'm a little bit, you know, I've got to. He's 63. Jesus, that was bad. Well, I'm a little bit, you know, I've got... I said 63. I said 80. I wasn't even close.

Yeah. 63. Does that make sense, though? So I wonder if this guy... Oh, yeah, 56. I'm sorry. Do you think this guy has ever had to do this? Probably when he was younger,

and they were like, hey, what's your name? Andy Cox with an X. Think you'd have to do that? when he was younger and they were like hey what's your name Andy Cox with an axe think you'd have to do that definitely how much I'm gonna write a C O C K S if you don't tell them I'd suck man Andy Andy Cox what Andy Andy Cox don't call him that, Ricky. That could stack. Andy Cox. Handy Andy Cox. Handy Andy. Who did he play? He played for... Fine Young Cannibals, man.

Fine Young Cannibals. She drives me crazy. She drives me crazy. Ooh, ooh. Like no one has. All right, what's we got here? We got... Louis Gervito.

Oh. Theito. Oh. The Beast? Yes. Worst serial killer in history. Holy fuck. 138 to 300 victims? Yeah. Probably more, man.

Probably more. He was just a killing machine. Didn't give a fuck. What the fuck? But he killed fucking kids. Like, is he still alive? Oh, yeah, no. He was awful.

He was an awful, awful human being. Gary Brian Tibbs? Who? He was a bassist for Adam and the Ants. What's his name? I thought it was just Adam Ant. Adam and the Ants, man. Adam Ant was in Adam and the Ants.

Was he? Wasn't he? I don't fucking know. Are you fucking, Adam Ant and the Ants, so he'd be like, okay, that's my last name, you guys are the Ants. Wasn't he? I don't fucking know. Are you fucking Adam Ant and the Ants? So he'd be like, okay, that's my husband and you guys are the Ants. What a confusing band.

Adam and the Ants? It was Adam Ant. Well, what the fuck is it? Was it Adam? Adam Ant must have been in Adam and the Ants. He must have been one of the Ants,

but there must have been another Adam, I guess. This is, I don't like this band anymore. Adam, wait, we gotta Adam and the Ant. He must have been one of the Ants, but there must have been another Adam, I guess. This is, I don't like this anymore. Just a second. Adam, wait, we've got to get to the bottom of this. This is freaking me out. Adam Ant. Adam Ant.

Ant. Was in Adam and the Ants. He had to be. It's pretty weird if he wasn't. I don't know. Adam Ant had to be in Adam and the Ants. He had popularity as the lead singer of the new wave group, Adam and the Ants. He had popularity as the lead singer of the new wave group Adam and the Ants. Yeah.

Okay, so who the fuck, and he later went solo. Adam Ant did? Yeah. But is he the Adam that's the first Adam, or is he one of the Ants? No, he's the Adam. There's only one Adam, and he's an Ant in both cases. Get this. Were the Ants his, like, relatives or something?

Like Bobby Ant. No, not ants like A-U-N-T-S. Ants like the bug. No, I'm talking about that. He's an ant. So he's Mr. Ant. And the ants are also, are they Jerry's? His last name wasn't really Ant.

I know, but he was basically saying this is my last name. So technically the name of the band should be Adam Ant and the Ants. That's fucked. Yeah. Adam and the Ants. He's an ant. He's got lots of other ants. Why don't you just call the fucking ants then?

You know what his real name is? Adam Ant. Adam Antopalove. No. Adam Ant. Stuart Leslie Goddard. Right. Became fucking Adam Antopalove. No. Adam Antwerp. Stuart Leslie Goddard. Right. Became fucking Adam Ant.

See, you couldn't have Stuart Leslie Goddard and the Ants. Nobody would go see them. Adam and the Ants. Still fucked. He's not fucked. They didn't understand. Do you remember their big song? I would if you say it.

Pull it up, Julian. Type in Adam and the Ants. Hits. Oh, fuck. Chris Chalios. Chalios. I always wondered why he didn't do Cheerios commercials. There's only one letter off.

That's a good idea, man. It's never too late. He's two letters off. That's a good idea, man. It's never too late. He's two letters off. You would change the L to an R, but you'd have to add an E to be cheerful. All right, this is the first song that came up, man. Let's get the guys in the limo!

Holy fuck, I missed the 80s. I like the 80s music, man. It makes me want to get on my MC Hammer pants. Not me, man. Elvis Presley Jr. got formed today. Enough? That's not their big hit. I just pulled up the first one. How many views does that one have?

You're dumb. Fucking 6.5 million, so they did something right with that, too. Go back. Go back to the... Then Alicia Keys also got bored today. Alicia Keys? Yeah. How weird is it that she's a piano player? Maybe that's not a real name.

It can't be a real name, is it? No, I think so. Alicia Keys. That would be like, you know, Jimmy Strings, the guitar player. Or Donny Tuba. Well, that's, yeah, Donny Tuba. Gary Guitar. Gary Guitar.

Sally Saxophone. Is this a hit? How many views does it have? What the fuck is this? It's not the song I'm thinking of. Ah, for fuck's sake. Ah, man. No, never mind. Forget it. Who else was there? Did we skip over? Elvis Presley Jr. Yeah. Who the fuck is... He's the alleged son of Elvis Presley.

Has he been tested? There must be ways to prove that now, isn't there? There is. So why is he still alleged? Well, they'd have to get permission to get some of Elvis' DNA. Dig him up? You couldn't dig up Elvis just to appease this fucking guy. What about his real daughter, Lisa Marie?

Lisa Marie, they could, but she would have to consent, right? Couldn't they cross-pollinate something there? Cross-pollinate. They're not fucking flowers, man. What are you talking about? No, but isn't there something to do that? You could test her DNA, test Buddy's DNA, and at the worst case, you could rule out that he's not a Presley.

I'm sure. Well, I think they should do it. Spend the money. Well, I think it's probably the Presley family saying, bud, quit trying to ride the coattails. But, I mean, if it is, you know, it'd be nice for him to find out, wouldn't it? Well, exactly. How much is that, the estate, making these days, a year, do you think?

Elvis Presley's estate? Yeah. Oh, tons. Google it. I bet you it's still in the hundreds of millions. Is he still popular? Elvis Presley! Come on, Ricky. Ricky, he's the king of rock and roll, and he always will be.

He's been dead for 60 years or something, hasn't he? No, Ricky, he died in the 70s. Right. That's not 60 years ago. That's a lot. It's 50-some. Okay. 300 mils-y.

A year? That's what the estate is worth. Holy fuck, that's a lot. 300 mil. How much is a solid gold car worth? Solid gold car? Alphys never had a solid gold car, Ricky. I thought he had a pure gold Cadillac.

No, he didn't. That'd be expensive. Do you know what it would weigh? You'd have to have steel tires on it. Just drive it. So it could be done. Ricky, you couldn't know. What, are you gonna make every part of the car?

You mean just the body or the whole car? Well, pistons and... Yeah. Oh my God. Everything's gold. Yeah. There's no way they could do it. Even the oil. Liquid gold oil. Does gold lubricate gold? It should. Liquid gold. Okay, who is Elvis' son? What's his name, I wonder? Elvis Presley Jr. Oh, yeah, right. Elvis Presley. I know, I thought he might have a name like Dougie.

Dougie Presley. Yeah, Elvis is my old man. I mean, if he's really not, it's pretty fun. What's he look like? Let's get a picture of him and let's make our own decision. Elvis was blonde. Elvis was blonde. That's weird, eh?

Well, there's this, that's, okay, this is Elvis' grandson. Looks a lot like Elvis. Yeah. A little bit, yeah. It's awful small. I can't really see it. Get a picture of Elvis Presley Jr., a big one, so I can see it. I want to see.

Okay. Picture of Elvis Presley Jr.? Come on up, bubs. I want to know who this guy is, if he's the real deal. Did you guys hear about the guy that got hospitalized for injecting his own semen into his body for back pain? What? What the? Was his name Ricky? No.

No, Ricky, tell me the story. He said that he thought it might help cure his back pain, so he got a hyper... Hypodermic needle. Yes, and then he would do his business and then inject that into his arm. What is the science behind that? I'm not sure. He said it helped, but his arm's fucked. It's all swollen.

I wonder why. Jesus, Murphy. It's just a weird thing to do. He was injected load into his back? Into his arm. His arm. For back pain, yeah. For back pain. For back pain. He was injected load into his back? Into his arm. His arm. For back pain, yeah. For back pain. For back pain. What are you thinking? You're sitting around in your campfire

going, hmm, people are stupid, man. What a waste. I wonder. When you masturbate, it's just such a waste. I wonder if I inject that into my bloodstream, would that go around and fix things? He probably thought he was doing discount stem cells for himself. I mean, I get the theory behind it.

What is the theory? Well, you're going to hope that they swim down your back and repair it. All right, puss. Elvis Presley's son.

That's him, man. Let me see. He's not Elvis's fucking son. That's him, man. He's not... Let me see. He's not Elvis's fucking son. Fuck, he could be. I don't know. He looks a lot like him. Holy fuck.

Does he? I don't think he does at all. Here, bring this in so I can see it. He looks quite a bit like Elvis. Except for his big fucking nose. The mother must have had a huge honker. Yeah, I mean, he looks more like Elvis than I do. The mother must have been, I don't know.

What? Maybe she's from Mexico or... Oh my God, did you see that fucking video in Mexico of the explosion? What the fuck happened there now? People stealing gas or some shit? They tapped into a fucking pipeline of gasoline. It was...

Did you see it? No, man. Oh, we can't even show it. It was 89 fucking people. Can't even show it. It's too gruesome. First of all, did you see the footage

of them collecting the gas? No. What's it for? What's going on? I have no idea what you're talking about. Okay, there's a gas shortage in Mexico. Right. Okay, I didn't hear it was a shortage.

So some people tapped in. They somehow tapped into a main pipeline that's flowing with pure gasoline. Yeah. And it's coming out like a fucking geyser. It's going everywhere, and they're just standing under it with buckets, collecting gas to put in their cars. There's a fucking river of gas

and everybody's standing in it. They're all walking in it and filling up their things and the fucking thing, somebody lit it. No. Oh man. Or somebody lighting up a smoke. It went fucking kablammo and if you watch the video, you see the big fireball.

And then out of the fireball, you see about 50 little burning dots all running across the field. What were they? People. That's fucked up. I didn't know. I didn't need to hear about this. People covered in gas, burning like torches, just running, trying to get, I don't know. Fuck.

They must not know. Stop, drop, and roll down there. I don't think it works with gas. They're trying to get the fuck out of the fucking blast. I know, but even when they were well out of the blast, they just kept running. Maybe they were running for a river. I bet you they were. But they were burning.

It was fucking horrible. Yeah, that sucks. That does suck. But I mean, how do you think you're going to just, there's going to be a big plume of gasoline just going everywhere into a fucking lake of gas and you're not going to. Some people don't think. A lot of people don't know, but gas is dangerous.

But I mean, there was in the footage, there's like hundreds of them. Gas is a dangerous liquid. Ricky, yes, it is. of them. Gas is a dangerous liquid. Ricky. Yes, it is. And you would be a person that would land up a cigarette or a joint and have fucking collecting gas with the other hand.

I would have fire protective clothing on at least. I know, but just they don't, do you not understand when there's that much gas everywhere? There's fumes, isn't there? There's fucking fumes just spreading, and the slightest little spark, just a little bit of static, and fucking kablammo. It was probably just someone trying to find out. I wonder what would happen.

Those poor bastards. It's fucking awful. It was fucking terrible. But if you're watching this, don't fuck with gasoline. Don't watch that video. Well, no. It's not necessary. Unless it's mixed with two-stroke motor oil, then it's not as bad.

No, it's all bad. Let's not fucking, let's just say. You put it in your car out of the pumps, and that's it. And if there is none in the pumps, well, buy a bicycle. Don't be tapping into fucking pipelines. People always get killed tapping into pipelines and trying to steal fucking copper wire. And electricity. What's the copper wire death from?

Every year around here, somebody is trying to steal copper wire from Nova Scotia Power, and they touch the fucking wires with it, going over the fence, and they get incinerated. Boom. Done. Blow your hand off. That would be shitty. There was two guys a couple years ago trying to steal a big coil of copper wire from Nova Scotia Power, getting her over the fence. Somehow they fucking got her jacked and they touched the the

big lines coming right out of before it gets hits the step down transformer so you're talking about all the power to power a whole part of the province coming right out there they touched it it turned them to dust yeah they just had teeth They had to identify some teeth. But it vaporized them into dust. That would suck. You can get vaporized a lot easier than you think. There's no coming back from that. No. When you get vaporized?

Nope. No, Ricky. There's no scooping you up with a dustpan and taking you to the hospital. Can you fix him? Did you guys know that female kangaroos have three vaginas? I did know that. I didn't. Yeah, three of them.

I mean, they're not talking about the three, you know, that most people have. Three what? Well, three places that you could use. No, Ricky. So are they lined up, like, side by side? That's what I don't understand. Well, three places that you could use. No, Ricky. So the... Are they lined up, like, side by side? That's what I don't understand. So there actually is three vaginas.

It's not like... They're not talking about the mouth and the... No, Ricky. They still have an anus, and they still have a mouth. Okay, but how do you... You can see a kangaroo's mouth in a picture. Do you think that's a vagina? So does a male kangaroo have three cocks?

No, he doesn't. He gets to go down the line. Does he choose? I don't think he chooses. I don't think he sizes. He probably puts it in. He's like, ah, try the next one. He's got his one better than the other.

Well, I never really gave it this much thought, to be honest. Well, if she was like fucking just spitting out baby kangaroos from one hole only, I'd say you'd probably go to hole number two or three. Makes sense, man. Well, you'd have to try them all, I guess, to see which one would fit you best. I think they're all the same size and shape, I believe. I don't know. So what's the purpose of them?

Why is there, like why? I don't know. I'm not a kangaroo expert. Why do they get it and we don't? You think it's a benefit? It just gives you a lot more options. One of them stops working, you still got two that are great. Backups.

Yeah. Are you googling kangaroo vagina? Yeah, vagin-es. See if you can get a diagram. Go to images. I need like a blueprint because I still don't understand. Just type in... Not exactly rocket science. Okay. It's not. Type in kangaroo vagina layout. Try to get the layout. There's a common connection for the three vaginas.

There's a what? They all, like, merge into one pipe. Ah. So it goes from a three-lane highway to a one-laner. Ah, there's too much reading there. We need pictures, images. So there's three openings. I still haven't been able to confirm that yet, Bubbs.

Working on it. Ah, they blurred this one out. Why? Like, why? Like, why. Why? Like, why? Like, why do that? Do, like... So that weirdos like you can't be at home beating off, like, the kangaroos. But this is for science, man.

This is a science thing. Okay. Yeah. Well, can't find a... Kangaroos have rights, too. While you're trying to find the image of the kangaroo vagina, I have another fact that's going to freak you guys out. I hope you're sitting down.

I love your facts, Ricky. This is fucked. Okay. Fruit loops are all the same flavor. Yeah, they're just different colors. That is fucked. You didn't know that? No.

You didn't know that? No. You didn't know that? I used to try to eat a certain color once because I thought it tasted better. What about Smarties? What about them? All the same color, uh, flavor or what? Yeah. Or is the red different?

Chocolate flavor. I think it's just different color paint. Smarties, the candy coated part, bubs. No, Smarties are all the same flavor, so are Froot Loops. It's just different paint. I thought red was a different flavor. Nope. You are incorrect.

All right, I think the kangaroo just has one hole, then it goes up into three, and then it goes to one. So what's the three part? I don't understand. I don't know, man. So they got one hole, she branches out into three pipes, and then back into one.

That doesn't make any sense. There's the middle vagina, there's the side vagina. So it goes like a... Like a what? It goes like a circle, right? The pipe up, circle, and then you can go this way, that way, or straight up, and it goes up to the two uteruses. Why the hell would they be plumbed like that? Yeah, like if you were going to plumb a house, you would never do that.

And how many do they give birth to? Like one or two, three, four, one? Baby kangaroos? I don't fucking know. What are they called? Josephs? Joey's family. Joey's. All right, there we have it.

Oh, did you see the story about the pig? The pig named Bubbles? And the blind lamb? No. No, man. It's awesome. It's all over the internet. There's a little lamb, little cocksucker, little baby lamb,

and he's got no eyes. He's blind, born without eyes. And he's best friends with a pig named Bubbles. So this pig, he looks after him. So when the lamb, you know, gets freaked out, like, oh, fuck, where am I? He just starts, and the fucking pig comes running, and he gives him a couple head nudges, like, I'm here, buddy. And then they just hang.

He just sticks to them, and they walk. He leads them around. They lay in the sun all day. Where do they hang out at? In somebody's field. Somebody owns them. Huh. Yeah, it's decent.

Pig and lamb, best buddies. Right. Can we end this now? Well, one more fact. This one's a little more fucking... I got shit to do, man. Before toilet paper was invented, Americans used to use corn cobs.

Corn cobs? Yeah. Cobs or husks? It says corn cobs. So I'm wondering, like, how that went. And was there insertion or just wipes? Okay.

Let's get at it. I would think based on the symmetry and composition of corn, I would think if you just put her down the crack from top to bottom or actually from bottom to top. All the way?

No, just through the crack, not in your earth. Okay. If you just ran her up the crack, say you started at the taint and you went up and back and she just... Which way do you go? Yeah, do you go front to back or back to back? No, front to back. You press the corn onto your taint.

I think, right? And then you would just, you know, you would just do this with it. Stupid. And then on the way by, because of all the niblets, it's going to accumulate the product that's left over there

and you might give her a spin on the way by to get more surface area. Actually, a spin's a good idea. They were probably spinning. Yeah. When were they doing that? Before toilet paper was a thing. Can you imagine the party when toilet paper came out?

What a fucking party it would have been. Fresh corn or dried corn? Because you wouldn't want to use dried corn. That would be a little rough. No, no. I would think it was fresh corn or dried corn? Because you wouldn't want to use dried corn. That would be a little rough. No, no. I would think it was fresh corn. But why wouldn't they just use the husks? You rip the husk.

Well, it's got that hairy part. They'd be all over everything, man. It would be a mess. Yeah, it's got the little hairy top on it, too. But why wouldn't you use a fucking leaf or something? Like a palm tree don't know. It is a weird one. I bet your corn works quite well.

I bet your death. We're going to have to try it. Ricky. You guys can try it. We're not running tests on your ass with cobs of corn. We fucking could be missing out. At least it's natural. It is natural.

But it's not even anymore because it would be all GMO corn. You'd get GMOs right in your hole, direct line. Spider. I guess it would be expensive, see, wouldn't it? It would cost more than toilet paper, I would think. You're talking about buying corn to use as toilet paper. They would have been just farmers who had a big field of corn. Just grab a couple of cobs of that, put her in the bathroom.

They'd have to be farmers because then... I wonder was there a holder in the bathroom with a little corn, you know, it was on a little spindle, you know, and you just take it. Oh, do you think they were using it, reusing it? No, I was thinking of that. I didn't want to fucking bring... They'd wipe it, they'd wash it off and fucking eat it. Eat it?

Eat it? I didn't mean that. I meant wipe your arse, wash it off, and then let the next person wipe their arse. Guarantee there's some fucking people eating it after they washed it off. Jesus Christ, man. Eating shit corn. Maybe that's where the expression comes from. What? Eating shit corn. Maybe that's where the expression comes from. What?

Eating shit corn. That's where it came from. What expression is that? Oh, that's not an expression? No, man. Eating shit corn? I've never heard that. All right, I can't talk about this anymore, boys.

It's fucked. All right, let's wrap her up then. Okay. Thank goodness. Peace. You gonna finish that tonight? I'm gonna... I'm not gonna finish it, Ricky. It's a 40, but I'm gonna take snaps off her all day.

Good man. You wanna get drunk with me? Yes. Yes, I do. Music