Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 184 - Randy Swallow, Guitar Man

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

The Boys have a special guest: an old friend from across the park who's a one-man guitar factory! Does his homemade machine wind hair, or snare hares?! Plus: find out why Ricky wants a goose neck, Julian's thoughts on alcoholism, and what to do if a snake bites your cock! Episode 184 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!  

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Rickey's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Come on, would you? I'm excited. Pick up the fucking pace. Get this going. Well, Bubs, you start it off. All right. Get your shit together, man. Okay, now do it. No.

There we go. What's going on, motherfuckers? It's the official Triller Prep Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is episode 184. Holy fuck, man. You don't usually say motherfuckers, do you? No.

Let's change it up a little bit today, because you fucked up the start. I did not fuck up anything. I did not fuck up anything. What's the date? Feb 22nd. Good man. February 22nd. All right.

Very excited. All right. I have a very special guest here today. This fella used to live down behind the park. Randy Swallow, right here. How you doing, Randy? Good to be here. Yes, sir.

All right. Randy used to live down behind Sunnyvale and used to come over to the park all the time and get fucked up and piss himself. Yeah. Just to, you know. There's been some pretty crazy claims made at the table. Ricky what are you talking about? Man don't get into this. What claims Ricky? That he can build

everything. He, Randy, plays in the fucking band. Incidentally called the Randy Swallow Man. I don't know where you got that name, but it's a good one. But he also builds fucking guitars. This is what I'm very excited about. You know I've tried to build a couple guitars. Well, nothing turned out like this, man. No. Are you kidding me? No, I mean, he knows what he's doing more than I did.

He's like broomsticks and shit, man. Well, all I had was a handsaw. How fucking good do you think i could get it with a hand saw that's that's cool i didn't have any planers or anything you buy all the parts and you just put them together is that how it works not quite you can usually build them by hand by the wood and he makes this ricky this is just a regular piece of wood and he he fucking shapes it into that. So you're claiming to be like a Gibson guitar factory, but just one person. Kind of, maybe, yeah.

He's, yes, Ricky, he's not a factory. But look at this. I mean, look at this. It's not an easy thing to believe, I have to say. Why? It just seems impossible. Look at this. This is an electric guitar body.

Strat style, as they say. What kind of wood's that, man? Hemlock. Where'd that come from? Where'd you get a piece of hemlock? Backyard. No way. Down behind the park. That's a Sunnyvale fucking...

That's unbelievable, man. That's made out of Sunnyvale wood right there. That's unbelievable. Holy fucks all... Yeah, it sure is. That'd make a nice cutting board too, eh? If you didn Holy fucks all. That sure is. That'd make a nice cutting board too, eh, if you didn't fuck up all that shit on the front. Well, why would you have it?

You'd get fucking carrots and things would get wedged down. No, I'm saying he ruined it for a cutting board. But you know what I mean? If he didn't make all the cuts in it? But then what would you have? A cutting board, Ricky. That you could play? But you'd look like a dick if you have? A cutting board. Ricky. That you could play? But you'd look like a dick if you had a guitar cutting board.

No, I'm saying you put this in your kitchen, on your fucking counter. I know, but you know who would have that? Who? David Hasselhoff. No, I bet you Elvis would have had a cutting board like that. No, he wouldn't have. Elvis would have had a big jumbo acoustic. Maybe a J-200 cutting board.

Well, same kind of thing. He wouldn't have. Buddy Holly now maybe. Buddy Holly. Buddy Holly might have had a Strat cutting board, you never know. So cutting boards if you get into it man. How do you get the shape though? Like did you, you just trace that or? That I got from, I kind of made it myself yeah, traced it I guess. Traced it off of?. Off a strut. Look at that, boys. So, I mean, if we had more tools here, we could probably put one of these fucking things together.

Get her going. There's a couple of finished products back here we're going to dig out in a bit. And what's this fucking gizmo here? I was admiring this. That's for winding these pickups. So you build your own pickups too? What? How? No, he doesn't.

Pickups are, yes. How can one person be that smart? What? Well, that's a lot of stuff to get to know how to get made. Well, he knows how to do it, Ricky. Do you remember we had Chris Hadfield on, the astronaut? He knows a lot of stuff too. He was smart. He was smart.

I don't think you could build fucking pickups for guitars. Smart. So where would you buy one of these little babies here? Like that's, I've never seen something like that. I made this one as well. You made that as well? See he's gotta, I gotta get him back down the park. You're a handy guy to know.

I built a, I built a centrifuge for training to be an astronaut and fucking near killed myself. Spun myself up to 12,000 RPM. Couldn't get her stopped. Do you work on cars? Motors and shit? Not really, no. Oh. No.

You can't do everything, Julian. Well, I'm just seeing if he knows. I got some problems with the Monte Carlo. Well, I bet you he could put new pickups in it. If it has pickups in it, I'm just seeing if he knows. I got some problems with the Monte Carlo. Well, I bet you he could put new pickups in it. If it has pickups in it, he could put new ones in it. OK, so for people that don't know, pickups are the parts in the guitars.

It's a little magnet wound with wire. And it converts the vibrating string into voltages and makes it into sound. That's the basic explanation. I thought the amp made the sound. Ricky, I'm just, don't even worry about it. Okay. So how do you, can you show me, there's the, so did you cut the fucking magnets and everything?

Yeah, cut it all. So that's just, okay. So how do you you so if i wanted to wind that on there what would i do you take this stuff very thin very thin it's like hair how much would something like that cost now to make it or to no just that thing to buy that this stuff spool of whatever that is about 80 bucks. 80 bucks? Is that copper wire? Yeah. It's copper.

Is that for making, like, rabbit snares? No, well, not really. Ricky, what kind of a rabbit could you catch? It's as fine as a piece of fucking hair. Right. That's what they're called. What? A hair.

They are. Yes, I know rabbits are called fucking hares. That's pretty good. Okay, so what goes on here? Yeah, so you'd have to loop this in through here. Oh, God, I can't see. That's what that light's for. Look at that. I want to see this fucking happening.

You got to tie her off. Oh, she's in. Nice. This could be difficult. I still wish my neck could do that. Why? Just do everything like a gooseneck or a small neck. This?

Yeah, it'd be cool. Why would you care if your neck could do that? Because you'd be able to look at things you can't see normally. But Ricky, like what things? Couldn't you just move around? You're under package. See everything's cool down there. So you'd like to have a neck where you can stretch right down and look at your taint? Well, it'd be nice to have the option. It'd also be good for other things. What other things?

Private time things. What's he talking about? Ricky, I need to know. What are you talking about? You need a big, long gooseneck, and what would you do for private time things? That's private. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, what's going on here, guys? Is it winding up?

Almost. Okay, he's just getting their set, boys, and then it's going to be fucking... This machine's not fucking around. Oh, my Jesus, okay. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, look at that. That might not go on there.

Uh, I need something to hold that out. Oh, for fuck's sakes. Well, I get the gist of it, though. You'd put her on there, and then you'd spin her out, and the pickup would do that. Yeah. Does it spin fast? Pretty fast. How long does it take to put?

So you put 8,000 wines on it? Yeah, 8,000. Holy fuck. I can't even count that high. A little pop of that quick? Could, yeah. 8,000 wines on there, boys. 8,000?

Yeah. 8,000. How long does it take to do 8,000 lines on that thing? About 5, 10 minutes. 5, 10 minutes. Oh, so she's flying. So how many RPMs is that, bubs? It would be faster than doing it by hand, I guess.

Ricky, yes, it would be. Oh, we got her on. All right. Oh, we got her on? All right. Decent. Look at this. We're making a pickup, boys.

You must look at all this stuff, Bubz, and think, fuck, I'm stupid. No, I mean, I could. I've never tried to build one, but I could build the fucker, too. Pretty sure. It's just basic gears and whatnot okay that's to go down here okay put it on the ground just wrapped around it doesn't cut your hand off or anything oh and you got a little foot pal this Oh, yeah. Holy fuck, is that ever cool. Looks like that's got a little burrito, man. Thirty-two. Oh, that tells you how many winds you have?

Yeah. Holy fuck. See, he's building seriously. I thought of everything. Oops. That's it. It's got a little counter on there, so can you wind her up? Yeah, you give her a hook.

Now hold the wire here. Yeah. It's not going to fucking slice through my fingers. No, I don her a hook. Now hold the wire here. Yeah, it's not gonna fucking slice through my fingers. No, I don't think so. Okay, where's the gas pedal? There's the gas pedal there. Okay. Is that an old guitar pedal? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's definitely easier than doing it by hand. You just move her back and forth a little bit? Yeah, a little bit. How many wines am I at, boys? 200. 200 and something, man. Look at that, I'm making a pickup.

Making a guitar pickup. Jesus, Murphy. Oh, I broke it. Fuck. It's okay. You fucked up, bubs. Oh, no. So what do you got to, what happens now?

Well, you start over, I would think. Well, you can join it together if you do it correctly. Nobody wants to join, though. Everybody wants to. You can probably start over. Well, that's decent. That is fucking decent. What's that button for?

That's the resetter. Oh, yes. That's cool, man. So when you built this thing, did you figure this thing out first, like, along with it? Or did you build it and say, fuck, I should have a light? Yeah, I built it and said, fuck, I should have a light. Should have a light so you threw light. See? I think you might be able to sell a machine like that.

You could. You could wind all kinds of things. You could put your dentures in there and have a toothbrush right here. Spin your dentures. Mm-hmm. Fishing line. Clean them. Fishing reels. That's probably a. Spin your dentures. Fish and line. Clean them. Fish and reels, that's probably a better idea than dentures.

But I was just thinking, you know, if you want to clean your dentures super fast. Dentures pops. Jam them in there so the teeth are here and then you just hold a toothbrush on them and they're spinning the teeth. Yeah. I'm not sure where the fuck that came from, but.

I don't know either, Ricky. I mean, think of all kinds, you have attachments over on this side. What goes on this side? So, when you wind a pickup, you know a lot about guitars, right, Bubbles? I know a few things. Yeah, well... The neck pickup and the bridge pickup get wound one way, and then this comes off, goes on this side,

to wind the middle pickup reverse. Didn't know that. There you go, man. Learning stuff on the podcast. The middle pickup's wound the opposite way. Absolutely. Why is that? What the fuck does that matter?

It reverses the polarity. It reverses the polarity. You should have known that, man. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't. Otherwise, it would be out of phase. Exactly. All right, well, that's fucking awesome. Haul up one of the finished products here.

I want people to see this. See these finished products. Look at that baby. When it's all done. Nice. When it's all done, Ricky, he built that. Look at that baby. That's crazy, nice when it's all done ricky he built that look at that baby that's crazy man yeah that's a beauty pickups raw hand built what kind of wood's that now that's ash yeah body is ash and the neck is maple maple neck it's called little wing guitars nice jimmy hendrix

reference i assume yeah look at that that That is a fucking decent-looking guitar. Where can people get them? Can they buy them? Through me on... You got a website? No, just on Facebook. It's word of mouth right now. Facebook.

Randy Spalow. Look him up. Buy a fucking guitar. We'll just get Chipper to throw that thing, you know, throw it up on the fucking screen. Yeah, you can throw up the link. Now you're going to get swamped. You're going to have hundreds of orders

and have to jack the price up. Yeah, you have to open the factory. Have to jack the price up. Okay, so we're going to play some in a little bit, but what do you got on the docket there? What do you mean? Well, you're always going on about how you're so fucking prepared.

I'm prepared. Do you have anything, Ricky? I've got all kinds of shit, man. I'm prepared always Do you know anything, Ricky? I've got all kinds of shit, man. I'm prepared always. You know who was born on this day, boys? Who? George Washington. Which one?

What do you mean, which one? I thought there was a bunch of them. He was the actor, right? George Washington. Or he's the tan guy? He's thinking about Denzel. He's thinking of Denzel and's the tan guy? He's thinking about Denzel. He's thinking of Denzel, and then the tan guy, he's thinking of George, what's-his-face,

you know, the super tan guy. Oh, fuck, what's his name? Hamilton. George Hamilton. Oh, yeah. No, man. George Washington. First president of the United States, Ricky.

He's on the fucking dollar bill. No, I know that one. That's why I said which one. Well, it says 1732. Okay, so it was him. He's on the fucking door. No, I know that one. That's why I said which one. Well, it says 1732. Okay, so it was him. He's famous. Yeah, he's fairly famous. Didn't he have something named after him?

George Washington? Yes, there's a few things named after him. That's cool. And he got killed in a theater? No. That was Lincoln. That was Lincoln, man Do you know your history? Do you know who Lincoln in Washington is? A little bit, yeah

More than him, I'm guessing Nobody got you a liquor drink? Nope Oh, man, pups I don't have much left I'll get one Alfred Gross Who the fuck is that? Probably invented the walkie-talkie I don't have much left. Hmm. I'll get one. Alfred Gross.

Who the fuck is that? Oh, he invented the walkie-talkie? Man. Born in Toronto. Imagine if these two guys hooked up. Yes. Shit, they could fucking have. Alfred Gross, he invented the walkie-talkie.

Have you ever built a walkie-talkie? Walkie-talkie? No. No. Can't say I have. You could probably dissect one and get it figured out pretty quick. He was born in Toronto. I didn't know a walkie-talkie man was born in Toronto.

Didn't know that, bubs. That's fascinating stuff. Well, not really. Robert Kardashian. Yeah. Holy fuck, can you believe it? Like one of the... Do it that way.

One of the ones? The famous ones? I would think so, isn't it? That's the dad to Kim and that. You know? Yeah. Yeah, she... Oh, yeah?

His lawyer. Yeah, that's him. Yeah, he defended OJ, didn't he? Yep. Oh, fuck. Why? Poor Steve Irwin got born on this day. Why is he poor?

Why is he poor? He was fucking killed by a stingray. Oh, Steve Irwin. That sucked. I was thinking of Steve Urkel. No. Remember Urkel? Remember that little fucker?

People used to call you Urkel, bubs? People didn't call me Urkel. Some mean kids called you fucking Urkel. One guy called me Urkel once and I kicked him in the nuts. What the fuck is this? What? Pebbles Flintstone. Got it for today.

1963. 10,000 BC. 10,000 B.C. 10,000 B.C. What? Am I missing something here, or is it the drugs? Fictional character on the Flintstones. Oh, 1963. Was the character that did the voice. No.

1963 is when the show was on and Pebbles was born on TV, but it was the year 10,000 B.C. Okay, gotcha. Was it 63? There's no fucking way. Flintstones was on in 63. I don't believe that. Google it.

Fred Flintstone. Here we go. Google this, Google that. Pebbles Flintstone. Who the fuck is Sue Ave? Who? Sue Ave, 1966. Suave. Flintstones. Who the fuck is Sue Ave? Who? Sue Ave, 1966. Suave. Rico Suave?

American R&B singer. Waymond Anderson. I don't know any of these fucking people. Drew Barrymore? Yup. Refer to her. E.T. Ricky? She was in more than E.T.

Firestarter. She was in Charlie's Angels. Charlie's Angels. She was married to Tom Green. Hot, hot or not? Drew Barrymore? Yeah. I think she's lovely.

Okay. Why, why do you ask that? Just asking you, man. Can you hook me up? Hmm? You know her. Could I go on a date with her? I could hook you up with her, I bet.

That'd be fine. I don't know what to say about that one. Kinda hot with probably a lot of baggage. Hm. Why do you say that, Ricky? She's fucked, isn't she? I don't know. I thought she was all fucked up.

Well, she was when she was younger, yeah. I mean, she was an alcoholic. It's like a lot of it. You never fully recovered from that, though. I think she was an alcoholic by the age of 10, but you were, too. I'm not an alcoholic. Could you say that into my good ear? I said I'm not an alcoholic, man.

Not an alcoholic. No. Okay, so here, let me just take that from you. Come on, don't be a dick. Let me take it from you. Get your fucking hands off my glass. It can't even be out of his range. Look up the definition of an alcoholic

and see what some of the... You know what? I know, it's different, okay? And you watch, like, you know, those shows, entertainment shows with people having to go to rehab and shit. Yeah. A lot of it's fucking, it's total bullshit.

So they went out and got drunk for a weekend. Whoopty shit. And now they're going to rehab. Down behind the park where he lives, there's all kinds of alcoholics. I know, there's people that are, that are fucked up that, you know, you could call an alcoholic, but I'm not an alcoholic.

Very common occurrence. Down where Randy lives. I'm an alcoholic, but I'm not an alcoholic. Yeah. Very common occurrence. Down where Randy lives. Be driving home. Passed out naked guy in the ditch. And you gotta identify him, put him in the truck, and drive him, drop him off in his driveway. Yeah, see, that's a bad alcoholic.

Well, no, sometimes that can happen. That's happened several times. People just drank too much for one night. Test of that. Right? I think you and I picked one up one night, didn't we? We did. Yeah. I forget who it was. He was fucking out over the hole and he was, uh, he was in a snow bank too. Naked.

Okay, that's, that's a problem. Put him in the truck and dropped him in his driveway and he was fine. Who was that now? I can't remember. I think it was Ronnie McDougal. And he knew this guy? Yeah. Okay, was he a guy that, like, drank every day?

Well, yeah, he liked the lecker, for sure. All right. Well, he's got to fucking get a pace going. Maybe not the best pace in himself. What else you got, Julian? I'm gonna try to get us to learn something today. Okay, here we go. But you find something, Julian.

I've got something here, I think. What? Just a second. Flaps, puck off. What? There was something here about a cat or something. I thought you'd be... Oh, this poor bastard in jail, man, down in Indonesia. The police used a two-meter live snake to interrogate this guy.

Oh, man. So they got this poor bastard who's terrified of snakes. He's got it wrapped right around. He's got handcuffs on. And then it went viral. Someone leaked the video. Now they're in shit they're saying we are sorry for doing that they weren't putting it in him were they

put the snake in in his body yeah they weren't no but feeding it in the thing's wrapping around the guy's neck and he's got oh yeah that would be bad enough i'm sure and he he was afraid of fucking snakes well yes that would suck that if this guy got off, Charles? He's probably totally caved, man. Do you like snakes? Love them. You do? Yeah.

Great. I'm not a fan, I have to say. Listen, I've seen my fair share of snakes. And you're terrified of them? I don't like certain ones. Which ones do you like? Little garter snakes are fine. No, they're not.

What, just the little baby ones? Yeah, those little guys. Because they grow up to be, like, bigger ones. I know. So you just like baby garter... You did have one clamp onto your wiener, Ricky. Yeah. Remember that?

I was poisonous, too. Trevor offered to suck the poison out. Yeah. That was a weird one. We had that whole discussion about whether or not it meant anything. Yeah, well. It really depends on where the puncture wounds are. If you want to get technical, if they're on the side of the shaft,

that's one thing because you can just. Then you're like eating, it's like eating corn on the cob. That's right. But if he happens to strike you on the end and there's one on each side of the, each side of your pestle, then what are you doing? That's like a, that's like a sucker or something. I don't think if you, if you don't go past the tip, then it wouldn't really be... But how would you not go past the tip if you get struck?

What do you mean? So you're saying if it was up there, how could you not go past? So you'd want to go down. I mean, if you want to save the person's life and get the poison out, you're gonna have to... Well, that's not what you said, Bubbs. You're gonna have to engulf it to some degree.

That is not what you said. All right. It's okay, though, man. Don't worry about it. What are your thoughts on this? What are your thoughts on snakebite? Have you ever been in a position like that? No, can't say I have. Somebody got bit in the cock by a snake?

What happened with Trevor? I didn't let him do that. He was willing to though. He would have, well. But he, I mean, he was doing it to save your life. A little too much. Which, yeah, I guess that's good. Staying on that same subject,

did you know that Paris Hilton has size 11 feet? Hmm. How is that on the same subject? Isn't it? Paris Hilton. Didn't she do a lot of what we were talking about? What, suck poison out of people's coughs? Well, suck something out of them.

But you know what they say about people with big feet. I wonder... What? They have big other things, don't they? Like what? On a lady? Oh yeah. Well, maybe, yeah, she might have an extra large one. Who knows? Extra large what?

Big feet, big vagina? Is that what you're saying? I think that's how it works. I don't know. Don't know nothing about that. He's just, you know, he's just kind of in shock, sitting here talking about, because he's fucked. Snake bites on your cock.

Are you guys, did you say you're going to jam on some of those guitars? Yeah, I think we should play some fucking music. I'd like to find out if they actually work. He's the one that sort of taught me how to play the guitar back in the day. Really? No way. Well, he showed me all kinds of stuff. He's going to lot that part out. Yeah, well, I mean, I like to always like to brag.

Brag a bit, right? Oh, he's like your Yoda. Kind of. Look at this thing, boys. Little wing guitar. Where's my click clacker? So they do actually work. Yes, they do.

I got no sound yet, but... Me neither. Maybe the amp died, did it? This doesn't look like it's on, man. There you go. Are you unplugged? Oh, you unplugged me there. Who did? I didn't.

Plug that back into that. I didn't fucking unplug you, bubs. This is turning into a fucking train wreck. All right, which one? The top one? Try it. Oh, Jesus. Don't hurt yourself.

There, how's that? Jesus. They do sound good. They're all bubs. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. What's that? Jesus, they do sound good. They're all pups. Okay, I'm just gonna play some, I'm gonna play some chords and you fucking wind out. What key do you want me to play in? A is good. A?

Something like what, like fast kinda? Sure. Okay, check this out watch this guitar solo I'm on fire. Pretty fucking good, boys. How about that? Pretty fucking good, boys. It's fucking impressive. Oh, boys. guitar solo I suck. I suck. You're doing great. I fucking suck.

That sounded great. It's a new pick! Brand new pick. It'll loosen up a bit, man. That's what it is. The pick's fucking me up. Look at that. Oh yeah. So not only can you build these fuckers, but you can play them. You can play like a motherfucker. That's insane. Yes, this is what I was telling you. He's a fucking outstanding guitar player.

And actually, what's the date today 22nd you're playing at the bar tonight he's playing at the bar downtown all the way i gotta go to that that's march oh yeah no that's in march that one up buds march it's march 22nd though that's 22nd yeah march 22nd that's snigley Weckley's in Halifax. Randy Swallow Band. Two days after my birthday. We're going, Ricky. Good night to celebrate. We're getting on the lecker and we're going down.

I'll be fucking there. That's fantastic. Let's do it. I think you'll be getting up and playing a song, right? If I do some practicing, I know. Yeah, you got to. We'll make sure you practice. I will.

You know, I got the arthritis setting in. Is it? Yes, I got the rheumatism. I got the rheumatism. Arthritis. That was fantastic. I love that guitar, too. Yeah, it's a beauty.

That's fucking nice. Why don't you play out on something? Yeah, play out on something. Play out on, play some like, do something cool. Something Stevie Ray or some Hendrix or something. Let's see here. I could sing one too. Really?

Just some Pride and Joy maybe? Yes. Really? Just some pride and joy, maybe? Yes! Yes! Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Tune in next week when Julian shows up with no pants on. Fuck it up, bubs.