Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 186 - Frank Tubey The Ferret

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Did Ricky ever have a rabbit, or was it just a dream? Why does Bubbles want to get microchipped? Has Ricky just got someone fired from Dragons' Den? Can the Boys make a bag from a leg, and make some decent scrilla? Find out the answer to these f**ked questions, and more! Episode 186 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Make sure that's... 186, huh? Yeah,'s up there. 186, huh? Yeah, that goes there. It's getting up there, boys. Okay, here we go.

Start her up. Get her going, buddy. Nice. She's fell right to the brims. Cheers. Nice. She's failed right to the brims. Cheers. All right. All right, what's up, fucking... 186.

Fucking Jesus, man. Why? I was trying to get it going here. Well, you were taking too long. You do it, Ricky. You do it. Welcome to the podcast, everybody. Episode 186.

It's March the 8th. You did it, man. That was pretty good, bud. March the 8th. It was covered, everything. It wasn't great. You got all the information. It covers all the bases, Ricky.

Yeah, I didn't sound sure of myself, though. I didn't feel great about it. You didn't sound very sure of yourself. What are you coloring? Still working on my picture, bud. What? The same? The same one.

It takes a long time to color these fucking things. I actually don't like these coloring books anymore. The upside down sock and fuck is still... Still in progress. What's taking so long? Ricky, it doesn't even look like you did that much on it. I know. You know what? I'm not doing any more today. Fuck it.

All right. Okay. It's Friday again. Friday. Still shitty out. Cold. It is. It's a week after March 1st. Yeah. Yes, it is. It's a week after March 1st. Yeah. Yes, it is.

That's it. Let's go. We're done. We could be. Maybe we're just finished, are we? Finished what? The podcast. Maybe we got nothing to talk about today. Well, maybe we don't. Let's talk about your sexual advances towards me. What are you talking about?

Why would you even, like, give... All the people earlier, you tried to kiss me on the neck. Bull fucking shit. Like a... A lick kiss or a... Neck kiss. Like a suck neck kiss. Seriously, do you... Could you fucking see me doing something like that?

No. Depends how drunk you were. No, it wouldn't... No doing something like that? No. Depends how drunk you were. No, none of that would matter. I'm just trying to get the conversation started here, Joe. All right, Bob, so I was going to ask you something because I was reading this thing here on the Internet. Yeah. Have you ever had a kitten, black kitten,

all of a sudden over a year turn into a white kitten? Did you ever hear of that thing? I've heard of the phenomenon. I've never experienced it myself. Same as a rabbit. But I have heard of the phenomenon. Check that out. Not buying it.

Let's see. There's no way to really know if it's the same cat. Same cat or not the same cat? Um, could be. Could be the same cat. It's tough to say. I'm gonna call bullshit on that. You're gonna call bullshit?

Yeah. I don't believe that. A rabbit can do it. When I was a kid, I had a pet rabbit, and I used to tie ice cubes on his back, and his fur would turn white Hmm what are you talking about? Fuck you talking about you never had a rabbit Ricky? I thought of one of them snowshoe hairy guys can fucking get from brown to white Yeah, but I don't I don't think a fucking...

The ice cubes on the back's gonna fucking change that. Why were you telling us... Maybe I got that dreamt. I think you got it dreamt. I remember you talking about it one time. I think it would work, maybe. I remember you talking about it, saying, do you think this would work?

But you never actually had a rabbit. Fuck, see, I'm not remembering things like I used to. One time Ray had a chinchilla, or not a chinchilla, what are they called? The long cocksucker. A ferret. A ferret. Remember Ray had a ferret and it bit him? Yeah, they're savages.

I didn't like that little cocksucker. What was his name? Longy. Frank, wasn't it? Frank Longy. Frank Longy the ferret. No, it was Tooby. Tooby. Frank Tooby. That was it.

I think Ray named him Frank and you named him Tooby. So he became Frank Tooby. I forgot all about Frank Tooby. I can't hardly remember the fucking thing. Frank Tooby. I wonder what ever remember the fucking thing. Frank Tooby. I wonder what ever happened to him.

I think Ray killed him. Did he? I think he just so pissed off at him that he did. What did he do to him? I don't know if he shot him or if he just strangled him. He stepped on the fucking thing. Staggering around. Trying to get something out of the fridge or something. Wasted. Stepped rightled him. He stepped on the fucking thing. Stangling around, trying to get something out of the fridge or something.

Wasted. Stepped right on him. That's how Frank Tooby died? That's how he died. So it was an accident. Well, yeah. Well, the ferret must have been drunk, too, because if he sees somebody going to step on him,

he's going to get out of the way. They're pretty quick. No, I just totally, yeah. You know what? That's what it was. He was probably drunk and high because fucking Ray was always dropping like pellets of hash and filling up his fucking bowl full of vodka. There should be a CSI investigation episode about Frank Tooby.

Let's dig him up. I doubt he got buried. He probably just got thrown in the garbage. We should make an animated movie called Frank Tooby. But a little bastard of a ferret. Frank Tooby. He gets drunk and high all the time. Maybe he's a mob boss. Frank Tooby.

Yeah. Anybody interested in getting born on March 8th? I don't know. An Irish pirate, Anne Bonny. Who? Anne Bonny. She. An Irish pirate, Anne Bonny. Who? Anne Bonny. She was an Irish pirate, huh? I'd like to know more about her.

She lived to be 80, too. That's cool, man. A female pirate? Bring it on. 1702 she was born. You find that hot? Yeah. Big time.

Why? Because she's a fucking pirate, man. She's probably fucking nuts. She probably killed tons of people fucking pirate, man. She's probably fucking nuts. She probably killed tons of people. She must have. She's famous. She probably, you know. 1702.

So she's an old school pirate. Jose Fine. Oh, wait. Now, you know what? Coach Ray. She lived to the age of 80. Yeah. A pirate.

Like 1702 to 1782. Back then, are you kidding me? Fucking pillaging people. She was pillaging. She probably pillaged some nice food. When was the potato famine in Ireland? Oh, fuck. I don't know, man.

She might have been stealing people's potatoes. It was definitely, man. Jose Fine Coshrane invented the dishwasher. That's pretty cool. Who? Jose Fine Cochrane. Josephine Cochrane. As in Tom Cochrane.

What were you calling her? Jose Fine? Jose Fine Cochrane. Josephine Cochrane, yeah. American inventor, 1839. She invented the automatic dishwasher. That's fucking nuts. When? In the 1800s? Automatic dishwasher. 1839, she invented the automatic dishwasher. That's fucking nuts. When?

In the 1800s? Automatic dishwasher. 1839, man. How? She was born in 1839, died in 1913, so 39, 49. I'd say around 1865 she probably invented that thing. That's fucking crazy. I didn't even know they had plumbing then.

That's a good question. That is a good question. Well, I't even know they had plumbing then. That's a good question. That is a good question. Well, I don't think they had plumbing. It wouldn't be a washing machine like the automatic dishwasher. Automatic dishwasher. Like it, they'd need, well, it must have took buckets and they dumped it into the sink. Must have to fill it up maybe, you know. You might have probably had to fill it up with buckets

and then you wound it up with a crank. And when you hit the button, she probably spun around and the dishes got soapy and then there was probably a tank. I'm guessing there was a rinse tank. So you could have invented it. See, I've got to get a picture of it, man. Pull up a picture of the fucking...

You got us into this, Bub. Josephine Cochran's... Skipper got born today. Who? Skipper. From Gilligan. Did he? The Skipper.

Alan Hale. Yeah. Alan Hale Jr. He was born 1921 in Los Angeles, California. Skipper died in 1990. Jesus, Murphy. Clive Burr, he's an English drummer from Iron Maiden, but he only played in Iron Maiden for three years, I guess.

Yeah, 79 to 82. He played on Runnin' Free, though. Bubs, there was plumbing back then. I think it came out 1850. Let's see. Look at that. See the plumbing there, the little faucet? I can't see it very good. It's a drawing, man.

It's not real great. Oh, yeah, look at that. Just a big box. You throw the fucking things in and boom. It looks like it was made of wood. It does look like it was made of wood. Well, they didn't have metal back then. They had metal.

What are you talking about, Ricky? They had metal in 1850. All right. Think of the buildings they put up in New York. In the 1800s? Yes. Wow. Working on the high steel.

Freddie Prinze, Jr. Yeah, Freddie Prinze, Jr. Yeah, Freddie Prinze, Jr. He was, you know who his father was? No. Freddie Prinze, Sr. How do you know that? He was a singer, right? Freddie Prinze?

No, not Prince. Prinze. Prince? Oh. You're thinking of Prince. Freddie Prinze, yeah. What was. Prinze. Prince? Oh. You're thinking of Prince. Freddie Prinze, yeah. What was it, too, when he did that good one? Where are they now?

Prince's name wasn't Freddie Prinze. No, there was another guy named Freddie Prinze, wasn't there? I can't imagine. There was Freddie Prinze, junior and senior. What the fuck is he doing? Who? Prince? Prinze.

Prinze. Who's Prinze? Who? Prince? Prince. Prince. Who's Prince? Freddie Prince, Jr. What's he doing now? I don't fucking know. I don't know the man. He's probably still making movies, I would assume. He was in I Know What You Did Last Summer. That's it?

Yeah, okay, this is the guy, Chico, man. Chico and the man. That was Freddie Prince, wasn't it? Yeah, okay. This is the guy Chico man. Chico and the man. That was Freddie Prinze, wasn't it? What? Chico and the fucking man. You don't know that fucking show? Yes, I do. What the fuck show is that? Freddie Prinze. There was a Prince in that. Freddie Prinze Senior? Don't know man. That's what I was asking.

Well it has to be because Freddie Prinze Jr. was born in fucking 1976. It was. It was Freddie Prinze and I was right from the very fucking start. And you're looking at me, what the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying Prince or Prinze? Prinze. Freddie fucking Prinze. Welcome back, fucking Carter. Yeah.

Nobody was arguing with you. You were talking about Prinze. No, I was Prinze. But then you said Freddie Prinze. Well, I thought it could have been that since you guys were like, who the fuck are you talking about? You were talking about Freddie Prince. Who the fuck is Freddie Prince? Prince.

Junior or junior? Junior or senior, I mean. Senior, man. Senior. Junior or junior? Fuck sakes. We didn't, you know what? That was fucked, Bob.

How did you make a smoke? Yeah. Fuck. There might have been a smoke? Yeah. Fuck. There might have been a little bit of crack mixed in with that. Rick, you better not say that. Don't say there was crack in something. No, I don't smoke crack. You did one time by accident.

Did I? Yeah. I'm glad I didn't get hooked on it. Me too. All right. Who's the next one? Who else? 77, James Van Der Beek.

Fucking guy from Dawson's Creek. Whoopty shit. He's James Van Der Creek. It's from Dawson's Beek. Fuck off, pops. James Van Der Creek. He was on a show called Dawson's Beak. And it was about a doc named Dawson.

What a weird name. And everybody lived on his beak. Vanderbeek. Vanderbeek. Yeah, you know who he is, Dawson's Creek. Yeah. Good-looking fella. Nice-looking fella.

Okay. Aw. Dave Moffat. Yes. The Moffats. He was in Dave Moffat. Yes. The Moffats. He was in the Moffats. I don't know that I know the Moffats. Little Miss Moffat. He was a boy band member at the Moffats.

Little Miss Moffat sat on her toffee. That's him? Yeah. Okay. Well, that was something else, wasn't it? That was just fucking amazing, boys. We learned about the fucking washing machine, and that Prince was on Welcome Back, Carter.

Back in the day. Oh, fuck, you gotta be kidding me. This guy right here is a fucking idiot. Uh-oh. You know, I've worked out as a doorman of some bars and shit over the years. Ah, no. You know? Anyway, this guy, he likes to party and get drunk, but he always forgets his ID, so this is what he fucking does.

What a fucking idiot. What is it? It's his ID. He tattoos it onto his forearm. Why? He's getting into bars, but if a guy came up and said, here's my ID, you'd say, buddy, give me 100 bucks or get the fuck out of my face because you're not getting in here with that. He could have changed the fucking date anyway. It's dumb.

No kidding. That's what I'm saying. See, you even realize how stupid this guy is. Yeah, he needs a punch in the face. He needs something said to him. Is he just trying to be cute or does he think that's... No, it's actually working, man. He needs a punch in the face. He needs something said to him. Yeah. Is he just trying to be cute, or does he think that's... No, it's actually working, man. Yeah, there's my ID there, bud.

I was born in 1840. It says right there, so it's got to be true. It's on my skin. Okay, where are you? Okay. Soon we're going to have microchips anyway, and you just get scanned when you're going in. I can't wait to I'm gonna get Apple pay installed in my forehead

I'm so do that man. I am don't get a chip put in your fucking I'm gonna get Apple pay put right there And then I just lean into the thing. Oh just tattooed. No, I'm gonna get microchip installed under the skin You know, it's there man You should pull it put it in your wiener. Then you gotta pull your wiener out every time you gotta pay for something. Yeah, and smack it off the pin pad. Smack it off the pin pad. Is that debit or credit, sir?

I'm gonna use my penis to pay for that. If you have a step stool. What are you going on about, man? If you got Apple Pay put in the eye of your wiener. Why would you do that? Well, you wouldn't. We're just making jokes. Oh, yeah.

I forgot about something. You guys are fucking dumb. Why? No. Because, remember, if something doesn't burn, I would say that it's fire-retarded? Yeah, which is not right. You guys say that's not right?

No, it's not. It's not right. It is right. I saw it on TV the other night. And I thought you weren't even supposed to say that word anymore. You're not. You're not, man. It was on TV the other night.

Fire-retarded. Yeah, on TV the other night. Fire Retarded. Yep. On a fucking CBC show. I don't believe you. It was. I was watching Dragon's Tank with my daughter, and she fucking noticed it. Trinity. Dragon's Tank.

Yep. It was a pitch for these hot sauces, Custom Heats or something. Mm-hmm. The parents are there, right behind the dad's head. It says it right on the wall. Fire retirement. That's not hard to believe, man. Just wait, I gotta know this now.

It was the episode that just aired last week, I think. Okay, well it'll be on CBC on demand then. Yep. If it's here. It was like the third pitch in maybe. See who's fucking smart and who's dumb now, won't we?

Just wait now. Because if CBC doesn't lie... Well, it's still not fucking correct, Ricky. No, even if it is there, Ricky, it doesn't mean it's right. It has to be. CBC is run by the government, isn't it? Holy fuck. Boom! What the fuck does that say right there?

It is. Come on. Okay. So who's right and who's wrong now? Well, just wait here. I'll zoom in on it. I'll zoom in on it. That's unbelievable, Ricky.

I know. So they fucked up, obviously. Poor, you guys have been fucking up all this time. No, we haven't been fucking up. Yeah, look. Oh, yeah, you can really see it. It's blowing up. Fire retarded, it says.

So, okay. I love it. So that wall is fire retarded, I guess. No, but see, so that's the back of a set wall. Okay. So somebody was fucking around and wrote fire-retarded on it. Someone who's trying to be funny. People didn't realize. I'm guessing it's this guy.

I'm guessing this tag right here is like a set designer. So that's not the actual set then. No, they're on the thought it was the set. No, they're on the back side of the set. Okay. So somebody was being cute to make their buddies laugh. And you know what, you probably just got somebody fired for doing that.

Well, I hope I did not get somebody fired. Well, nice going, boys. I just wanted to point it out. Whoever DWAR is, he's probably a set designer on CBC, Dragon's Den. It's not his fucking fault. It's probably the camera guy's fault. It wouldn't be the camera guy's fault.

It would be the set, set fella. Set designer, whatever he's called. Well, especially if you're not supposed to use that word. And they used a stencil to put it up. It's not like an accident. So it has to, so that must be the right expression. Somebody went through some effort to get that on there. Yeah, it's like stencil, man. It has to be the right expression. Somebody went through some effort to get that on there. Yeah, that's like stencil, man.

It has to be the right expression. It's a professional that did that. Fire retardant. Regardless, Ricky, that's not the correct term. Fire retardant is the word. That doesn't even make sense. It does. Retardant means a material that is...

Not flammable. Against fire. It retards it. This is pretty fucking gross, boys. What is it, a picture of your mama? That was a good one. That was a nice fucking slam dunk there. I need a drink after that one, bubs.

Me too. Nice fucking slam dunk there. I need a drink after that one, bubs. Me too. A woman wants a leather handbag made out of the skin on her amputated leg, so she's gotta get the fucking thing hacked off. She wants them to make a fucking handbag out of it, this company.

I believe in recycling. That's weird though, it's gonna turn black. That's like fucking Buffalo Bill shit, man. That's disgusting. It's not gonna turn black, That's like fucking buffalo bill shit, man. That's disgusting. Well, it's not gonna turn black, Ricky. They're gonna treat it like they would leather. Oh, she, okay. She sent this to a company.

She's fucking, she's serious. I believe in recycling. Why not have a leg bag? She must be a big lady. Well, look at that. She's like, that's my skin. There's the bag. My skin.

I think it's a good idea. I got to be honest. Making purses out of fucking skin. Because then people could say. It's not leather. It's skin. But look, she's setting herself up for the greatest joke ever. People say, where'd you get your handbag?

Oh, it's not a handbag. It's a leg bag. All right. That is funny. And then somebody says, what do you mean a leg bag? It's made out of my leg skin. Because I'm nuts. Yeah.

Okay. Well, she should do it then. She might get some attention that she's probably yearning for. I think it's a good idea. She's losing her leg, but she doesn't want to part with it completely, so let's make a nice, gorgeous leg bag out of it. She's going to make people feel bad. But you know what'll suck?

Where'd you get that? I actually had it made from my fucking leg that's gone. But, Buzz, you know what'd really suck? If she didn't fucking figure out that joke herself. Maybe we should try to get ahold of her. We should get Chipper to try to get ahold of her and throw that joke at her. We should. I wouldn't.

Where's she from? I think it's a great idea. If your leg's getting chopped off anyway, why throw it in the garbage? and throw that joke at her. We should. I wouldn't. Where is she from? I wouldn't want to fucking... I think it's a great idea. If your leg's getting chopped off anyway, why throw it in the garbage? Why not get a handbag? This is fucking disgusting, man. There must be something better you can make

out of a leg than a bag. A lamp? There you go. Just like in a Christmas story. Okay, she's currently searching for someone to make this bag. Tell her I'll do it for her. I'll go to Seaport.

Soaport. Soaport. Soaport. Support at Soaport. Jesus Christ. Support at Soaport.com. Go there. Okay. Talk about the amputated fucking leg.

Let's tell her I'll do it for her. I could tan the hide. It's not a hide. It's skin. Same thing, Ricky. You just treat it like leather. You put oils and stuff into it to keep it preserved. I don't want to be around when you're skinning her legs.

And she's like, hey, you know what? I know it's gross, but people keep their babies' umbilical cords and have relatives' ashes on display, so this is really not that weird. I'm not going to skin the leg, Ricky. She's going to send me the fucking skin, the frozen skin like a filet. Hey, you know what? She's from Manchester there you go is she fucking like Manchester man I love Manchester so if she sent me her frozen leg skin I could probably whip up a nice

bag for her all right there you have it you know sort of Buffalo Bill styles just don't get caught I don't feel the. If you're filing to the lambs. Hey, Ricky, if I get a leg skin, I'm going to drape it over my face and come running at you. Jesus Christ, man. I'm going to come running at you. Look at me, Ricky. Leg skin, old leg skin face.

There's no way you could do it, man. That'd be a good horror movie. I've got some fun things to talk about. Awesome. This is a weird one, and you're not going to like this one, I don't think. Who, me? Yeah. 36% of Americans say God has talked to them.

Hmm. Doesn't that seem low? That seems low. No, I'm just joking. That seems 36%. Those lucky pricks. God talked to them, did he? Why won't he talk to me?

There's going to be a reason for it. Figure it out. Why do you think he doesn't talk to you? Because I'm bad? That shouldn't matter. He doesn't give a fuck if you're bad. Hey Siri. He forgives everybody. How many inches and 35 centimeters?

What the fuck? Twelve and a half. Two and a half centimeters and inches. Okay, I forgot. I gotta get back to this chick with the fucking she's cutting the leg off thing. Oh. She even drew a picture of a block that says 35 centimeters by 45 centimeters. That's how much we got to work with with this bag.

That's how much skin there is? Yeah. So that's about like that by like that. It's not gonna be a very big bag. No, it's gonna be more like a clutch. So she's no six footer, she's probably like. Okay, so it's just. She's got the, oh she middle of the bag. Okay, so she's got the...

Oh, she just wants a piece of it. It's like a skin patch. It's like a skin patch going in the nice... So you've got to figure out how to attach the skin to the leather. She'd just order a nice bag and then just add the skin. Then you wouldn't have to make much at all. There's what you do. You get a nice Louis Vuitton bag, and you get out your iron,

and you heat press your skin onto it you know i bet you she'd pay a lot of money for this thing well we could get a like you could get a bag somewhere she's got 3900 bucks whoever can make this bag for you. It'd be one of a kind. It's just like an iron-on, basically. Okay, look. Here we go.

We got all these purses. That's the purse she wants. Can you do it? Yes. We're doing it. Okay, $3,900. Caller, $3,900, and it's a done deal. Okay.

All right, we'll get a hold of you. Whatever your name is. We just get a nice bag. Joan. Her name is Joan'll get ahold of you. Whatever your name is. We just get a nice bag. Joan, her name is Joan. Joan, good to meet you. I'm Julian, Bubba's Ricky. We're gonna make a purse for you. Hey, Joan, we're gonna make your skinny,

your skin leg purse, leg skin purse. And we're gonna put it on top of a nice, a nice coach bag. And if we could bump up the price to an even five, cause it's really fucking disgusting. What about the rest of the bag What about the rest of the leg? You can't just use the skin. You want to recycle the whole leg.

We'll make a nice picture frame or something with the bones with the rest of the leg, you know, with a little picture of you and the leg. Oh, you know what? Baseball bat. I could work the bones into the strap, I bet. So she's got a nice bone strap. We're getting the price up here a bit.

That's going to cost extra. Bone strap. Mm-hmm. Leg skin flap. Mm-hmm. Probably... We could probably take the veins and weave them up. Jesus, okay.

We need to see the fucking subject. If I took the muscle... God damn it. I could probably put a nice muscle lining in the bottom. Okay, now you're talking. You know what? This sounds like a nice purse. It's going to happen.

Remind me to throw away the rest of those drugs. We're never smoking these again. Is she keeping her foot, or is that part of the leather? No, we're just going to attach the foot to her stump. To her knee? Jesus, bubs. Oh, gee. She'll have like a little foot coming out of her hip.

Because you know what? I could use the toes as the little, like the little clasp. Right? Like three whole... Well, the toes are definitely going to be gone if they're taking the leg. That's what I mean. If she had to take a whiz, can you imagine that? She'd sit down, two cheeks and a foot.

Right there on the toilet seat. Yeah. That would be fun. But if I take the toes, I could make a nice little clasp like that. A toe clasp. How does that sound, Joe? Or just the big toe as a buckle, like a turn. Enough.

A big toe buckle. All right. So done. Moving on. $5,000 at least coming our way. Hurry up and get that thing taken off. I'd like to get to work on this like today. Well, maybe we can lower the price a bit to get her to go in a bit sooner.

All right. Poor lady, Joe. We feel bad for you. It just happened to you. Moving on. Moving on. I can't talk about skin and muscles and bones anymore. Why not? I don't know.

What do you want to talk about, Ricky? Well, I don't know. Here's something I didn't know. What do you want to talk about, Ricky? Well, I don't know. Here's something I didn't know. Maybe you guys did. In Arizona, it's illegal to hunt camels. Yeah. Really?

I believe it. Because you know why? Because the only camels in Arizona are at the zoo. Really? Yeah. So that means you're hunting at the zoo. Very illegal. Very easy hunting.

You know the Panama Canal? What? The Panama Canal? Yeah, that thing. Yeah. The largest ocean line. Do you know how much it fucking costs to get through that son of a whore? 250 grand total.

Yeah, I don't doubt it. That's fucking nuts. I don't doubt it. It's much better than, yeah, how much it would cost to fucking nuts. I don't doubt it. It's much better than... Yeah, how much it would cost to go around? Fuck, man. Fuck that. 250 grand to go through the canal in a cruise ship? In a big ocean liner.

That's a fucking lot of money. Yeah, but you gotta realize how much water they gotta pump in to make the locks work and level her out and get... That's a lot of work How much fucking fuel it's not like you just cruise through and flip a coin like you're going over the bridge No, no long process. You don't have like a speed pass. No, they wouldn't have a fucking speed pass Ricky You couldn't go you couldn't go through there fast Just say how long does it take to go through the Panama Canal in a cruise ship?

I want to figure out how much money they have to fuck, how much those things burn in like diesel fuel or whatever the fuck they're burning on. Oh, they burn a lot of fuel. It's not like a car, Julian. No, it's definitely not. Do you know in Tokyo you can buy a toupee for your dog? Hmm. That'd be kind of neat. Give him a different look every day. Really?

Yeah, it's a weird one. Is that... you... See, I don't even know what to say about that. Who would put a toupee on their dog? Oh, I totally would. Change his hair up. I like dogs with good hair. $12,000 a day, huh?

To run a super tanker. I thought it would be more than that. That's it? $12,000. That's not a whole lot, really. That isn't, man. Ricky, I'd like to ask you more about toupee. What's he talking about?

Why would you want a toupee for your fucking dog? He just said, I like a dog with good hair. What? Why? Because it stands out and it's unique. What dogs have you ever seen that had good hair, Ricky? Not a lot, that's what I mean. That's why I think toupee's a great idea. What do you think of those horses that have those crazy long manes, man?

Love them. Beautiful. You think you're into the market? I am a lot. You must be. So Ricky, if you could have any dog with any hairstyle, what would you have? Probably like a Lab or a German Shepherd with long fucking like a mullet you know Farrah Fawcett here the

wings I don't know who that is a lab with a mullet beautiful dog where would the hair where would the mullet go would it hang sort of behind his ears down only really see when he's sitting sitting down you know just hanging right Where would the mullet go? Would it hang sort of behind his ears? You can only really see it when he's sitting down. You know, just hanging right down. Fucking gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous, huh? That's fucking weird.

I'd like to get Ricky a dog now. Here's another weird one. Hawaii is considering raising the legal smoking age to 100. That's fucking bullshit. Imagine you're living your whole life waiting for that fucking moment. Finally, I can fucking smoke legally. What if you die when you're 99? What a fucking ripoff.

Look at that point. You should make something achievable. I think what they're doing, Ricky, they're making a point. What is the point? The point is... You're going to torture me until I'm 100 years old and then I can fucking smoke? I think their point is don't smoke. Don't smoke. You'd have to be in...

You'd be working out every day trying to live to be 100 just so you could smoke. I'm sure there's a lot of people wouldn't, Ricky. Nobody's going to work out their whole life... Eating right and fucking not drinking. Just trying to get to 100 so that they can light up a cigarette. Yeah, you're just better off moving. Especially if you're in your 90s and you're almost there. If you want to smoke, you should probably move.

I would. I wouldn't fucking move to Hawaii. Fuck that. Ricky, what? I'll move there when I'm 100. Wait, you would just smoke anyway. But it's illegal. Yeah. Yeah, but... So is every other thing you do in the run of a day.

Yeah, I guess it's no different, really. No, it isn't. You grow and smoke dope. Well, that's not illegal anymore. But you drink and drive. Yeah. You have unregistered handguns buried all over the yard. Yeah.

I mean, everything you do is illegal. I just don't. You don't pay for anything. If it is, if it's legal, if you are 100, can you just fucking go on a plane and go to the mall and everything and smoke wherever the fuck you want? Because that would be badass. I miss those days.

Fuck. I don't. Remember you used to go to the mall and you could just smoke? Yes, I remember you butting out cigarettes on the floor of A&A Records and Tapes. Fucking awesome. Going on the train, smoking, bus. It was wicked.

I hated it because I didn't smoke. I didn't smoke that much. I smoked a little bit. Have you heard of a show called Fox and Friends? No. Yes. I don't know if there's a fox on it or not. There is not.

It's a, okay, whatever it is. There's a guy. Red fox? No. There's a guy named Pete Hegseth or something. Doesn't think germs are real. Says he hasn't washed his hands in 10 years. It's a little fucked. Fucking gross bastard.

How do you not wash your hands? Especially if you're wiping your ass or whatever. You think maybe some shit particles might have gone on there from time to time. Or I don't know. Yeah. That's just gross, man. So he doesn't wash his hands ever?

That's what he said. And he's on Fox and Friends. Yeah. Fox and Friends. Yeah. Fox and Friends. Is he a host or was he just a guest? I think he's a host. No, he's a host. TV host.

Pete, whoever the fuck is the last name. Fox and Friends. I've never even heard of the fucking show. It's on Fox. It's Fox and Friends.

And there's no Fox in the show. It's on the Fox network. Fox and Friends. It's a weird name. Yeah. It could be Friends of Fox, but... Friends, I...

Like, I would expect to turn on that show and see a fucking fox, for sure. You would think so. I'm disappointed. Fox and Friends, you would think it's an animated show or maybe somebody in a fox suit. That's why when I read it, I was like, okay, well, he doesn't need to wash his hands, he's a fox.

So what dick weed there is the one that doesn't wash his fucking hands? I'm guessing it's that dick on the left, but I'm not sure. Dirty bastard. I'm guessing it's that smiley cock sucker on the left. Yeah, he looks like someone that doesn't wash. He looks like a germy looking fuck, doesn't he? You wouldn't want to shake his hand. Nope.

And he probably shakes people's hands all fucking day. Dirty bastard. Maybe he doesn't have sex, but if he had sex, he'd want to wash it probably from time to time. Yeah, before and after. Or even tugging his wiener or hauling it out to piss. I don't know. There's times when he probably should wash his hands. Yeah, and then he probably goes home

and makes sandwiches for his kids. Ugh. He's a gross motherfucker, isn't he? He is a gross motherfucker. Fox and Fres, I'm not overwatching your show, because whoever this dick is is fucking disgusting. I'm never watching it because there's no fox. There's no show Fox and Friends.

You better have a fucking fox on there, or at least a foxy lady. That's right. That's like calling a show fucking hippopotamus and everybody he knows. And then there's no hippopotamus on there. All right, well, goodbye, everybody. Are we done? I think we are done. We are done. Didn't, well, goodbye, everybody.

Are we done? I think we are done. We are done. Didn't get to play games or anything. It's all right. Not a great one. Next week, maybe we'll have... What? I don't know.

I don't know.