Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 187 – High Dicks on the High Seas

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

Grab a ‘Penis Colada’ and join Ricky, Julian and Bubbles for a very special TPB Podcast, filmed live on the Norwegian Pearl cruise ship! Jacob (and his waxed wiener) bring the Boys a care package, Ricky gets learnt on how a boat works, and special guest Tom Green gets ‘er done! Also: The Boys hold a Q&A with the drunk-as-f**k audience! Episode 187 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Ricky's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. All right, try to sober up a bit, man. I'll try. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck's sake. Drunken bastard.

Hey, what's up? Awesome. What the fuck is all this? Nice. Jesus, look at this smorgasbord of deliciousness. See, boys, this is what we need every podcast. Lots of fucking food. That's beautiful.

Where do you get decent hot sauce? Nice. That's ours, Ricky. This is a festival. Who wants some fucking vegetables? That's beautiful. Where do you? Decent hot sauce. Nice. That's ours. Who wants some fucking vegetables? This is actually really good. You guys want some vegetables? Somebody take these? Yeah, just giving them everybody out there, man. Thanks. Do you got five bucks? Hey, buddy. Just joking, man. Take one and pass it around, they said. All right. Oh, fucking awesome. This is luxury, boys.

Right here. Nice bar. You guys having a good time? Yeah! Right on. So where are we? That's the oldest fucking trick in the book right there. Are you having a good time?

I'm going to walk up and say, hey, are you guys fucking drinking? Yeah, did it work? I'm just saying, it's the oldest trick in the book. I didn't say it doesn't fucking work, did I? Shut the fuck up. The ravine shit. All right, guys. We're going to do a bit of work here.

Is anybody in this theater more fucked up than me? I doubt it. I don't know. I would, Ricky, I would fucking put every penny I have on... no. I would, if there was a... you know... Fuck! I brought a sheet of paper with some fun facts on it. I forgot it. You forgot it where? It's in the fucking back room.

Who's that in it? That's dumb. Alright, we gonna start this or what? Yes! We're waiting for you. You're the big idiot. You're the one that's supposed to do your little thing. Look, I've got my liquor drink right here. Okay. Here we go. You start it officially right now.

You've got to take a drink first. Cheers! Cheers, everybody. Alright, what's going on, fuckers? This is the official Trailer Prep Boys podcast coming at you right now on this fucking ship, and this is awesome. What number is it?

This is episode 186? 187? What day is it? 187. This is a Friday. It's a Friday. What's the date? It's a Friday, What's the date?

It's a Friday and we are coming to you live from the fucking Norwegian Pearl. Cruise ship with all these crazy bastards right here. Thanks for coming out. Thanks for coming out. Well, they don't really, there's nowhere else to go. Oh, that's the good thing about getting them trapped on a cruise ship. All right, boss. What the hell is this? What?

Look, I'm not into... Who's into fancy food? Like, what the fuck is that? What? It's like cheese with pepper on it or something. It's a piece of goat cheese. Lovely goat cheese. Goat cheese.

Peppered goat cheese. Yes, and it looks... Smells lovely. Try that. I'll try it. Beautiful. That's disgusting, man. Beautiful pepper cheese. I might snack on that. All right, we're missing somebody here.

Where the fuck is Jacob at? Jacob? Jacob. He's supposed to be out here. Jacob, get the fuck out here. It's probably better that he's not out here, no? Well, he's going to mix us up some drinks. I know, but... Sorry, dudes.

Jesus. Holy fuck. Nice fucking glasses there, bud. Dude, a fan gave these to me. The fans are so nice here. Look, I got a care package for you guys. Nice. Just wait the fuck.

Hang the fuck on. Where did this come from? I'm not sure. Some nice people gave it to me. I also got some grundle polish. You guys ever tried this stuff? the fuck hang the fuck on where did this come from I'm not sure it's some nice people gave it to me I also got some a brundle polish so he's ever tried this stuff some what what if you're a polished your grundle it's fucking awesome what's he talking about grunt will polish what you put polish on your wiener yeah yeah I never even considered it in the past but it's fucking awesome

she you got your wiener all shined up, do you? Yeah. Get your wiener shined up. Grab a stick of juicy fruit. Jesus Christ. Okay, just wait. I want to know where this came from. This could be a fucking glitter ball. You can open it.

That could be a glitter ball. I am not. Make Jacob open it. Here, Jacob. You guys need drinks? Just pass it out or something. Do something. Useful. Useless, man. Jacob open it here Jacob cool guys need drink it with some it's just pass it out or something She's off do something useful useless I'm really enjoying this pepper cheese to the audience. All right. Are we doing this?

Fucking toothpick in there Man I You're fucking dumb, man. I can't believe... That's my fucking son of law. I know, and why is he walking around the ship shining up his wiener with wax? I don't understand. What did he do with his wiener again? He waxed it up like a fucking surfboard.

Grundle polish, he said. Grundle polish. Wow. Polished his bird to show it to the ladies. What does he call his? His grundle. I don't know. That's what he calls his car. Okay this is um this looks like maybe it's for Randy I'm guessing. Guessing that's a gift for Randy. There's a dead ferret or something. No Rick that's uh that's a skirt. Oh that's for Jacob. Hey, Jacob, you got a present there, bud. Wrap that around your grundle.

Oh, yeah. It must be a grundle holder. That's quite a weapon. Yeah, one size fits all. Here, Jacob, put your wiener in that, bud. What's this? Another animal. What the fuck is...

What is that? That's a... It's a nice hat. It's like a nice fur hat. I don't know. No, that's for Corey. Huh. He's not here.

He's not here. Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey?

Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey?

Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey? Where's Corey?

Where's Corey? He was too dumb to make it on the ship, I guess. Yeah, he dumbed himself. What the fuck are you doing? Jesus Christ. He was a grundle holder? He didn't mean for you to put the thing on your fucking cock, Jacob. In front of all these people.

See, now that you're being stupid. Here, look, Ricky, this is for you. It's like a little wicker. Is there drugs in it? Fuck, I hope so. It's like a wicker cigarette pack. Look at that, this is for you. It's like a little wicker. Is there drugs in it? Fuck, I hope so. It's like a wicker cigarette pack. Look at that, two smokes. Right on.

Nice. Excellent. Excellent. Can you smoke in here? That's for Julian. Oh, it looks like a ring. It's a fucking bottle. It's a cock ring.

Open it, Ray. Oh, look, it's a little cock ring for you. Shut the fuck up, Lops. Perfect size. in her brain. Oh, look, it's a little cock ring for you. That's a fucking old blab. Perfect size. You might have to get it cut down a little bit, a size or two. Yeah, real funny. Little tiny wiener on him.

Bobbles, this is for me. Train whistle. Three-tone wood train whistle. Holy fuck. Just wait, this could be a trick. Maybe the guy had it up Three-tone wood train whistle. Holy fuck. Just wait, this could be a trick. Maybe the guy had it up his arse and now he's gonna trick me into putting my lips on. How does it work? Oh, man.

It's spit all over. What's this for? That's a mushroom experience gone bad, I think. T.P.B. Waller, it says. Remove. So you remove that, because that's just... Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, yeah.

She's fucked. But anyway, look. Somebody made us that. Yeah. It says, this, my God. Okay. Oh, yeah, she's fucked. But anyway, look, somebody made us that. Yeah. Says this glows in the dark. Holy fuck, is there a light guy? Can we turn off the lights for a minute? I just want to see. Hit the light!

No, that's not going to happen. There's probably not a light guy here. Do you guys want anything else for me, or can I go and eat some more egg rolls? You want what? Here, again, there's endless egg rolls on this ship. Here, I can't read that well. There's endless egg rolls on the boat? Yeah, man.

Got to get down to the buffet. It's fucking awesome. Right on. Okay, who's this? Here, just wait. Let's read this. Thanks for all the laughs over the years. Here are some items marked with your names for you.

Have a fun cruise. Have fun on the cruise. From the Bakery Boys. The Bakery Boys. Thank you, Bakery Boys. Thank you, Bakery Boys. Thank you, Bakery Boys. Whoever the fuck they are.

Thank you, guys. All right, so. I like my tongue. I like baton. I like my whistle. Okay, boys, look, I want to talk to you about this. Ricky, I don't know if you even know this is happening. We have a fucking... We have a hot sauce coming out, boys.

And this fucking thing... Is it good? Oh, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. It's a hot. This is the number 00 first off the line prototype bottle. They gave it to me to taste. I tasted the other one.

This one's not opened. And you know what? I think we should give this to somebody. All right. How about me? What. How about me? What? How about me? No, Ricky.

Let's give it to somebody out there, man. There will be plenty of hot sauce once they start cranking her out. All right. But how are we going to... Let's just give it to somebody. Well, you've got to figure out how to pick them. All right. How do you give away a hot sauce, Ricky?

That's a tough call. I wish that the little guy that was dressed up like me yesterday, I wish he was here. Oh, is he here? I don't know if he's here or not. He's been in party mode. These guys are dressed up. They look pretty good. The little guy. There was a little fella here yesterday. He's been in party mode. These guys are dressed up. They look pretty good. A little guy.

What was... There was a little fella here yesterday. He's like eight. He's all dressed up like Ricky and he's telling people to fuck off. Where's that? Is he in here? Is that guy in here?

He probably deserves it. Is it real glass? Just throw it in the crowd. No, it's glass, Ricky. I'm not throwing it out there. I mean, it is hot sauce. I guess... What do you do? You pick the hottest person in here?

The hottest person? I don't know. You want to pick a hot guy or a hot chick? We need Randy. Randy can judge the guys. No, Randy's not going to be here. You can't do that. Okay, well, we're going to figure that one out.

All right. As that goes, somebody's leaving here with going to figure that one out. All right. As that goes. Somebody's leaving here with that cocksucker right there. All right. I'll tell you that. So you were trying to explain to me how the fuck this thing floats. Yeah. Yeah, it's a boat.

It makes no sense. It's a fucking boat, Ricky. But they said there's like 70 feet underneath the fucking water. Yeah, that's so the cocksucker doesn't tip over. You need the bottom to be heavier than the top. That's how a boat works. And there's nothing touching the bottom of the ocean, like wheels or whatever. No, it's... Ricky, it's floating.

It's a boat. But how? This is a big fucking... You think the fucking... This cruise ship one has big legs going down to the ocean floor with wheels on it? It's the only thing that makes sense to me. There's no way something this big can fucking float. No way.

Ricky, it's physics and engineering and science. A lot of smart people know how to build one. No, I know we've talked about this, but now that I'm on one, I can't fucking wrap my head around it. I can't. It floats, Ricky. They go through like this, but now that I'm on one, I can't fucking wrap my head around it. I can't. It floats, Ricky. They go through like 250,000 fucking eggs a week. 250,000. Yeah.

That's a lot of chicken. What do you got on here? 3,000 or so people. They're fucking cranking three eggs a day into their head. Do the math. It works out. A couple hundred thousand eggs. Is there chickens on the boat?

There's not. I can't imagine there's chickens on the boat. I don't think it's a free-range chicken boat. Although that would be decent. I'd have kitties on my boat. Imagine if there was free-range kitties just roaming around the boat. That would be decent. That would be decent. That would be decent.

All right, pups. What are we doing here? We got to... What do you want to talk about? I don't fucking know. Oh, I got a fact for you guys. All right. Check this out.

Did you guys know that Rocky I, he had a turtle? The turtles? Remember those guys? The same fucking turtles in the Rocky I were in Creed, the last movie. Same turtles, like 40 years later. Yeah, because turtles can live to be... All right, do you know the name of these turtles? Do you know their names?

Right on. See, we should have gave that guy the hot sauce. Where the fuck did that fact come from all of a sudden? I'm telling you, man, I do a lot of reading. He was obviously masturbating to Sylvester Stallone. I knew it. Always. You always got to bring jerking off into things, Pops.

Talking about people's dicks. Well, you are a pretty big fan of Rocky. I'm a fan of a lot of fucking actors out there, man. We were talking about the turtle. I thought you meant like his turtle or whatever. His turtle. What do you mean? We were talking about the turtle. I thought you meant like his turtle or whatever. His turtle. Yeah. What do you mean?

He thought you meant his turtle. Yeah. His dick. Yes, that's what he thought. Because you got sort of the turtle neck going on. You're so fucked, bud. Turtle thing.

Ricky, what in the fuck did you give me to eat? What was in that edible? Because I am fucked right now. It was was indica you're only supposed to take like a quarter of that you took the whole thing what yeah that was don't trust him man you never told me that I said do I eat the whole thing and you said yes I was joking and now we have none left idiot Idiot. We have nothing for tomorrow. We're fucked. Way too fucked.

Like I was yesterday. Because of that thing he gave me. I'm sure somebody here has got some fucking edibles they'll give you, Ricky. I'll leave it to you. There seems to be a little bit of drugs on the ship, I must say. A little bit. Janko, can you move that bar over here for me, please, bud? It's a little too far.

How? You literally can't walk eight feet. I don't want to get up. He's there. He can do it. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Watch this.

Just don't fuck it up. Watch this train wreck. This is a very wobbly tape. So fucking dumb, man. Look at this. This tape goes very wobbly table. So fucking dumb, man. Look at this. This table is super wobbly. Thank you. And you need some ice too, brother.

I don't need those, obviously. You guys want a drink? Must be nice. Must be nice, Julian. I've actually never asked my son of law this, but what grade did you actually get? 11. You fucking have a grade 11?

Fucking right. Bullshit. How? Or he's done grade one twice, probably. That's what it is. Well, then I got... Hey, what's up, man? I got one of these drinks here?

Hope you're still here. Oh, yeah, bud. Gonna get her done there, bud, huh? Oh, yeah, we're gonna get her done there, eh, huh? Get her in you there, bud. Let's see. Get her in you, bud. How's the podcast going?

Tom Green is shitty. Tom Green's Canadian accent is coming out very thick. Oh, yeah, bud. Very thick Canadian accent. Are we having a good thick. Oh, yeah, bud. Very thick Canadian accent. Are we having a good cruise or what? Oh, yeah. Just a couple? Oh, yeah, there, bud.

There we go. This is good. Cheers, everybody. Cheers, man. Cheers. Cheers. I'm handing out keychains. Handing out keychains.

Yes. I thought I'd just barge out here and sit in on the podcast. Have some whiskey and some eggplant. What is that shit? Whiskey and eggplant. Why the fuck, of all the food on this ship, would they put this out here?

Fancy food. Because whiskey and eggplant. Chicken fingers, pepperoni, cheeseburgers, french fries. Cakes as well. Eggplant. I like the fancy cheeses. I told them any fancy cheese you got. Are you guys just hanging out here in this theater with a thousand people eating cake and drinking whiskey? That's pretty much it.

Well, we got to do these podcast things every week, right? That's like an awesome way to do it. That's not too bad. This is fantastic. What have you been up to? Did you leave the ship or did you stay on the ship yeah i got off the ship who got off the ship aren't the bahamas beautiful what did you do off the ship anything interesting

What did you do off the ship? Anything interesting? Jesus, that was quite a bite. Yeah. Yeah, I went to this beautiful private beach. I did a little snorkeling. I saw a manta ray. Did a little jet skiing. Did you swim with the pigs? And then I went to Fat Tuesdays.

We had 700 pina coladas. Nice. It was pretty good. That's what I always wondered about pina coladas. What came first, the drink or the song? It's a legitimate question. That's a good question, actually. I'm guessing the drink.

I say the drink, man. Do you like penis colada? Was that the original name? What? Penis colada. Penis colada. I didn't say penis colada. I said penis colada.

You've got a cock on your brain, bubs. Yeah. Like big time. I did not say penis colada. Check the tapes. Oh, shit. Now that you mention it, I think I did order the penis colada. How's it taste?

Was it alright? As long as you didn't order the chicken bukkake, you're fine. Yeah, that wouldn't be a good one. That's not the one you want. Takes about 12 sous chefs to make it. Jesus. Wow, there we go. Taking it up a notch. Oh, yeah. Got that there we go. Yeah. Taking her up in the arch.

Oh, yeah. I got that down at the Garden Cafe. I like your name. Yeah. What do you mean I like your name? What the fuck is that? His name? Yeah, Tom Green.

Yeah, that's my name. So your ancestors were obviously like weed people? Well, I'll tell you. I'll tell you one thing. My mother, her name is Mary Jane Green. No way. What the fuck are the chances of that? Yeah, absolutely.

All right, your mom may be the coolest person. Yeah, Mary Jane Green. You might have seen her on the Slutmobile. No, she wasn't actually on the slide it was her car was the slut mobile I still think that I mean the slut mobile it's clarified that it was one of your funniest things but I want to bring up the sketch you did where you tricked your grandmother into licking fun off of I'm not allowed to talk about that one no not Mary Jane gets not allowed to talk about that one. You're not?

No, Mary Jane gets mad when I talk about that one. I don't doubt it. She's not here though, man. It doesn't matter. But you can watch it on YouTube. Nobody will ever see this. Now, I have a question here for you guys, for the audience. I asked last night at my show, I asked this, but I'd like to ask here again. How many people here are from Canada?

And how many people here are from the United States of America? Wow. Wow. Wow. Jesus. Listen how aggressive the Americans are, huh? Listen how proud the Americans are. Yeah, now they do the chant.

USA, US, we know, we know. So aggressive. Hey, so you just did... But you notice the Canadians were all like, Oh, yes, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I'm from Sarnia, Ontario. It's nice to be here. And then the Americans were,

Yeah! So now that you're American, And then the Americans were, yeah! So now that you're American, do you do the chanting? I did get my American citizenship one week ago. I am also still Canadian as well. So when you ask me, I'm a dual citizen, so I can be polite and aggressive at the same time. Nice. So you same time. Nice. So you're bi. Yeah. That's not what bi means, Ricky.

What's that? That's not what bi means, for fuck's sakes. Isn't that... No? Okay. Never really thought of it like that. It's all good if you are. I don't care.

Absolutely. Nothing wrong with that. Jesus, my little people. We're communicating. You know what? We should have had some more Canadians on here. You know, just to balance out the craziness. Yeah?

Maybe next year we'll bring some more Canadians. Yeah? I think it's beautiful, though, that all of these Americans have fallen in love with, you know, your Canadian genius. Incredible. Thank you. You're probably Canada's proudest and greatest export, I'd say.

No, man. John Candy. Yeah. No, you guys. I don't know about John Candy, this is amazing. And marijuana. It's like a cross-cultural thing here. And now how about the Americans, have you been talking with the Canadians on board and vice versa? Getting to know each other, enjoying each other? Yeah. Most of the Canadians are passed that right now It's nice Everyone's gotten over 1812 and all of that

I heard a couple people bickering about 1812 It still comes up every once in a while Nobody's talking about that It's uncomfortable when that comes up It comes up 1812 baby Oh yeah bud

We got her done there In 1812, baby. Oh, yeah, bud. Oh, yeah. We got her done there, eh? In 1812, we got her done. So, Tom, since now you're a dual citizen here, who drinks more, Canadians or Americans? USA!

USA! USA! Okay, okay, the USA in my point. Who passes out first? An American or a Canadian drinker? USA! USA! USA! USA!

I don't know, I think you pace yourselves a little bit better. Maybe. I'm not pacing. You three are American? Yeah, the Americans drink more than... Look at those three. Those three are American? Yeah, the Americans drink more than... Look at those three. Those three drank everything. No, I don't know. It's a tough call. I think Canadians are pretty proud of our

ability to drink more than anyone else in the world. I think so. Yeah. I think so. You never underestimate the Ruskies, though. Oh, yeah. You want underestimate the Ruskies, though. Oh, yeah. The Ruskies. All right, you want to get into the Russians now, do you?

No, I'm just saying they can drink vodka. They drink vodka. In a lot. Let's not bring the president into this. See, you can say that now. No need to talk politics. No, that's true. Politics have no place on this

fucking cruise ship. Not at all. Yeah, I'll cheers to that. Fuck that. We're drinking with everybody. We're drinking with the Canadians, the Americans, the Europeans, the Australians, the fucking Japanese, the people from Mars.

There's some Martians on the boat. Are there any Martians? There's some Martians on the boat. Any Martians here? Are there any Martians? There's three right here. You imagine if a big, tall, weird alien fucker stood up and he was like, I'm from there. There's one guy right there. I swear to fuck, he's a tall white. Can you stand up, please, sir?

Guy right there. Can you stand up for a second? Is he a tall white? Come up on the stage if you want, man. No, not you. Come on up on the stage. No, not him. Come on down.

I swear to fuck that guy's a tall white. Come on up on the stage. This guy? Come on up. Is he a tall white? This guy? Come on up. You're up. Come on up.

He's tall. No, he's not a tall white. He's not lean enough. Man, you got an intimidating sort of glare there. Like the way you walked up was... He looks psychotic, but he's not a tall white. He's not lean enough. Man, you got an intimidating sort of glare there. Like the way you walked up was... He looks psychotic, but he's not really that tall. Is he drunk? Can you do the walk up again?

Walk up again, yeah. I want everybody to see what I saw. It's very intimidating. Watch. I missed it, Tom. Thank you. Now watch. Just watch it.

Just walk up again. Watch the way he walks up. It's very... Okay, there's not much shoulder movement. The arms are not... It could be a tall white. It's very... Okay, there's not much shoulder movement. It could be a toe wake. It's very Jeffrey Donner-like. No problem. Everything's fine.

It's very Donner-like. Don't forget the sunscreen, man. You're pretty white, but you're getting a little red. Yeah, you should go. I'd like to hang out with that guy for the rest of the week. You should definitely go. He looks like he's having a fantastic time, though, doesn't he? No, man. Are you okay, man? It looks like he's having a fantastic time, though, doesn't he? No, man.

Are you okay, man? Real. Looks like you're having a hard day or something. Yeah, all right, good. He's having fun. Show a little bit of emotion. He might be microdosing mushrooms. He could be on mushrooms.

I don't think, can aliens show emotion? No, they can't. They can't. How would they know? Because, Ricky, look, there's aliens among us. Trust me. You think there's an alien on this boat? I believe there's an alien on this boat, yes.

And his name's Jacob Collins. I'm not a fucking alien. I don't know, man. You got that blood. You got that weird blood. You got the fucking six-foot-long arms. It was undetermined why I turned red that time It wasn't because I'm an alien You know an awful lot about the North Star

And Cygnus X-1 And UI Scooty Things out in space Are you friends with the octopus? Because I heard they could be aliens too They are aliens Yeah? Yeah

No And you believe in the flat earth too Which which is weird if you're an alien. Yeah, what's up with the flat earth shit, Jacob? Don't get into flat earth. I'll flip this fucking table over. Do you know about this flat earth shit? Yeah, yeah. I was looking out there today.

It's totally flat. Oh, man. No, just go out and look at it. How's the water not pouring off the edge then? Explain that one. You've got some stuff that looks like... I don't know what his name was, but he left something on your beard. So Tom, do you groom that thing at all?

Or are you just going to let it go? It's easy. Fucking eagle eye up here, huh? Eagle eye. Guy from the back of the auditorium. You've got some shit in your beard. There's going to be a lot of shit in my beard. Oh, you know what else I forgot to fucking mention? Holy fuck, celebrity big brother,

fucking America's favorite house guest yeah yeah uh it was pan i i have uh ptbbd post-traumatic big brother disorder they lock you in a room for a month and they take your phone away uh And then you have 12 angry Olympic athletes screaming at you the entire time. Wow. Yeah. Heisman Trophy winners. Did you get paid for that fucking thing? No, no.

No? You do that? Oh, man. You just do it all. Were you allowed to bring drugs? I did it all out of the goodness of my heart. Was there drugs involved or no? What's that? Drugs, booze.

No, no alcohol. You can't bring drugs into the Big Brother house, right? And everybody just starts screaming at you. And then it's traumatic, actually. It is traumatic. I don't want to mention any names, but half the house is screaming at you, and then the other half is nice.

So I spent the whole time playing pool with Lindsay Lohan's mom. Right. An entire month playing pool with Lindsay Lohan's mom. Right. An entire month playing pool with Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina. You know what? I bet you she was hot back in the day, huh? We had a good time playing pool. It was fun.

She looked all right. And hanging out with Kato Kaelin as well. Yes. My new best buddy. Kato Kaelin's a good guy. Yeah, it was a good time. Yeah. You guys should have been in there, though.

That would have been good. How do you think we would make out on the Big Brother? I think you guys would do good in there. Really? Big Brother, yeah. I don't know. They need more booze, obviously. I believe I could fucking do very well in the Big Brother house. You probably could, man. You'd have probably a little show romance going on. You gotta fly under the radar, don't you?

Right? You gotta fly under the radar, but... But not too much, because then it's like, oh, he's sneaky. I had an alliance against me. So it was tough. Uh, Ricky Williams, Heisman trophy winner, Lolo Jones, Olympic athlete, uh, and, uh, Tamar Braxton. Yes. Yeah. And, uh, an alliance against me. I just went through that. Like Tamar Braxton, Tony Braxton's sister. Yeah, she didn't like you, man.

She was gunning for you. Was mad at me. She got mad at me. She can go fuck herself. Yeah, so, anyways. No, no, I don't like that. I don't want to make it negative. So what did they call it, the... I did The Apprentice, too, with the President of the United States.

Oh, fuck. I did that as well, yeah. I remember that. You got fired. Yeah, I got fired by the President of the United States. Oh fuck. I did that as well. I remember that. You got fired. Yeah. I got fired by the President of the United States on that one as well. Yeah.

You guys, probably all voted for him, right? I guess judging, scanning the crowd, I would guess most of you voted for him. You're going to get people fighting here, Tom. I don't wanna get political. Yeah, what happened to the no political shit? Yeah, man. It was just my, just a quick guess. I don't know. It was based on the, you know, the snap-on tools jackets and the... No? Okay.

You know what? Even if they did, it doesn't matter. Nothing wrong with that. We're on a cruise ship and we're all getting drunk together. Yeah, absolutely. That's right. No, okay So did I hear a rumor that we were gonna I don't want to bring them actually get people to ask some questions and shit Or is that we got we have the capabilities. Would you want to take that question from the audience? Thank you. I don't know. It depends how fuck there as long as they as they're not too fucked, then I think we could do it. Of course they're fucked, Ricky. They've been drinking since 9 a.m. They're fucked. Do you want me to go hold the microphone out to people?

I think we've got to. Whatever you want to do, man. Want me to, like, I'm Phil Donahue? Awesome. Yeah, do that. I'll give you Phil Donahue for a minute. I can do it for a minute. Who has a question?

Raise your hand if you have a question. Oh, look at that one. It's got a camera. Jesus. Fancy. That's got a camera. I don't even want to know what that is. Hello, how are you?

What's your name? My name's Cindy. Hi, Cindy. How are you? And where are you from, Cindy? Originally New York, but I've been living in Florida for three years. Oh, okay, great. That's good.

Getting away from the cold weather, huh? Yeah. What part of I've been living in Florida for three years okay great that's good getting away from the the cold weather huh what part of Florida you're living in Oh Cal unfortunately okay oh yeah okay well you can move yeah okay that's nice okay You have a question for the trailer park boys. The question is for Bubbles. Yeah. Who is your favorite cat? What the fuck happened? Who is what? I have a lot of cats.

Who is your favorite cat? And why? My favorite cat of all time, I don't even got to think about it. Hands down, fucking Vince the Pinsy. He was the greatest kittydie that ever lived. Okay, we have another young fella here. Where are you from, my friend? Seattle.

What do you do in Seattle? I don't fucking know. Yeah, basically. He does nothing now. Okay, do you have a question for the Trailer Park boys? I got a question for Ricky. Where in the fuck do you get your shirts? Ricky, where in the fuck do you get your shirts?

Lucy got most of them for me, but yeah, I just find them in secondhand places usually. Salvation Army. Absolutely. Okay, good. There you go. There's your answer, okay? The Sally Ann. Satisf satisfied with that

fucking guess so yeah fucking hey i wish i had a better answer to get her done thanks all right hello i make them another question for you guys what's your name where are you from morgana from california what was the name morgana morgana from california as a question it's like ghana know, but there's more of it. Yeah. So, I used to work with Tom, or sorry,

Tom Arnold at a camp for kids with heart disease and every chance he got, he would just talk about Roseanne. So, I want to know if that's, if you bug the shit

out of you guys with the same shit. He did not. No. Well, there was a little bit of that talk. He told a couple of stories,

but it wasn't like that. It wasn't a constant thing. He told some awful tales. He really does. He knows how to do that. He told some awful tales, but he's fantastic. Tom Arnold, fantastic fella. Yeah.

Great guy. Thanks, Morgana. Thanks for taking your opportunity to throw Tom Arnold under the bus. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for that. I'm sure he appreciates that. He took a stick knife from the chest, apparently.

What's your name, sir? What's your name, sir? And where are you from? My name's Paul. I'm from Texas. That's in Texas. Paul from Texas here. Okay, Bubbles. Got a question.

Who the fuck's taking care of the kitties? I've got a whole team of people. Who the fuck is taking care of them? I've got a whole team of people. There's a little fella I hired named Lupe. He's fantastic with kitties. Lupe? Lupe's a good little dude. Lupe's a fantastic little fella. Thank you. He's a hard worker, man. Good question. He feeds them. He's good at belly work. All right. Hello. I don't know. I don't have too many questions, boys. I just, I heard you were handing out keychains.

Yeah, I'm handing out keychains. Yeah, absolutely. You don't have a question? No, not too many, no. Can you just wait into this line to say nothing? Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah. It's amazing.

Fantastic. It's like, thank you very much. Thank you for waiting in line for ten minutes to say that you heard I was handing out keychains. Thank you. Thank you very much for that. Where did you hear it, I wonder? I don't know, man. It's pretty fucked up.

Hello, what's your name? Hi, I'm Joe from Chicago. Joe from Chicago, okay. And Joe, do you have a question for the Trailer Park Boys? Can I have a drink with you guys? Yeah, come on up, man. I got a drink for you. Yeah, why not?

Ask and you shall receive. Ask and you shall receive. Okay. Hey, how are you, my friend? Good. How about you? What's your name, where you're from, and what's your question? There you go, Joe.

My name is Tyler Newberry, and I'm from Twin Falls, Idaho. And my question is, Bubbles, how do you feel about China going to the moon? How do I feel about China going to the moon? Don't get into this, man. That's a good question. I think it's fantastic. You're never going to go to the fucking moon. I'm going to the fucking moon.

And if the Chinese can get me there, fine. Hell yeah. I think it doesn't matter who's fucking doing it. You got to get up there and start fucking around. Exactly. Thank you. They said you need to do surgery, bud. Canada. Canada just put a bunch of money into the moon. The U.S. is going to go to fucking Mars. China's going to build a fucking thing on the moon. I'm going to the moon, baby. Yeah. All right, bud. I like your confidence. Love to go on the moon, I guess. Yeah. Canada's going to the moon. I'm going to the moon, baby. Alright, bud. I like your confidence.

Loves us going to the moon, I guess. Canada's going to the moon. Is Canada going to the moon? Canada's not going to the fucking moon. Canada's putting $2.5 billion into moon stuff. $2.5 million? Billion. They're going to have part of the fucking...

When they build the big, you know, the big Hudson station up there, Canada's going to have a little hut up there, too. All right. Amazing. I think I should be the spokesperson. Here we go. Hey, Bubbles, we got Ricky, Julia, we have another question here. What's your question? Fantastic. Man, I hate to ask the same question that dude asked, but...

Oh, no, you can't ask the same question. All right, different one. He asked for... No, you can't ask the same question. Hey, Ricky, can we have a shot, it. Oh, you can ask the same question. Hey, Rick Ricky. Can we have a shot man? Oh Fuck What he started All right, Julian, what's up? I guess we can't say no what Julian do you like tequila? I'm down. What's up? All right I'm not doing this to kill him. There you go. That's short. This is what you have tequila

There you go, man. Do we have tequila? This is, by the way, the question. Have a shot with the Trailer Park Boys on stage line here. Nice, man. Do you have a question? Yes, I do. Hey, listen, we got a question.

Hold on, man. Listen, question time. I'm Brandi McKenzie from Fort Erie, Ontario, Canada. Nice. Fort Erie, that, Canada. Nice. Thanks. Fort Erie, that's a great fort they got there. Damn straight, 1812, baby. That was for the war with America, yeah. I have a question for Julian.

Yo. Did you ever get your tab paid for on all the people that owed you money on your booze at your bar? The tab? No, I didn't. You kidding me? Well, you better get them to pay up. They'll pay me back at some point, but they didn't pay me yet.

Well, then I get a free drink, too. All right. Thank you for your question. Such a nice question. We're settling a bar tab here. What a great question. No, no, you don't have to go up there. Here you go. Have a fucking shot have a fucking shot just come up anyway

boys you understand the fucking trend you're starting here I know no more booze from this point on you gotta pay from this point on no more drinks on stage coming down hard on you guys here Julian's gonna start

see this is what Julian does he gives away a couple free and now it's going to be 50 bucks a shot a little bit more maybe bubs what's that? two more questions two more questions I've been signaled from the director

two more questions who wants to ask the question the most okay yeah okay Two more questions. Who wants to ask the question the most? Okay. Yeah, okay. Hey, hey, can I take a shot of the hot sauce and have it? No, no, we already said no more of that. Two questions.

No, no, it's two questions about the show. Yeah, this, you, sir. Forrest from Oklahoma. You guys want to come down to Cherokee Nation Do like a casino run Like a tour What? Say that again What the fuck is that?

We have seven casinos in Cherokee Nation So you guys can do like a tour Bring it on, that'd be awesome I feel as if we're losing control Don't, just talk into it Don't hold it This is not a great podcast Hey, my talk into it. Don't, don't hold it. This is, this is not a great project. Hey, my name is Ryan from Santa Cruz, California.

I have a question. I have a question for Ricky and Julian. I'm just curious why Ricky looks so much like Ravine and Julian looks so much like Patrick Swayze. Here we go.

I think that's a fantastic, let's go. Don't touch it. Just go. Tom, can you punch that person in the face? Yeah. Thank you. I'm sorry.

I have an actual question. Yes. So, this is me and my husband's honeymoon, and I'm wondering if you guys have any marital advice. Do lots of banging. Yeah. Nice. That's good.

All right, thanks, everybody. That's question time. Yeah. That's the end of question time. Hey, you guys, I'm going to let you guys finish the rest of the show on your own, okay? Yes, sir. Thank you, guys. Thanks, buddy.

Thank you, Tom. Are we going to have an amazing cruise or what? Fuck yeah, man. It's been good so far. Are we going to party tonight or cruise or what? Fuck yeah, man. It's been good so far. Are we going to party tonight or what? Fucking right we are. When I say trailer, you say Park Boys. Trailer.

Park Boys. I love chanting. That was awesome. I like chanting. See you guys later. Oh, come to my show tomorrow night. Yes, please come to the show tomorrow night. Tomorrow night at 10 o'clock right here.

We'll be there getting drunk, buddy. And boys, thank you so much for inviting me on this cruise. Let's hear it for Tom Green, everybody. Thank you, guys. Great guy. I am having a blast. Great fucking guy.

I'm having a blast. Thanks, everybody. Woo! Thanks, man. All right. That happened. Yes. Tom Green came out and fucking rocked the house.

He did. He did. You know what? I got an idea here, Buzz, about this hot sauce. What the fuck? These two just got married. Yeah. Let's give them the fucking hot sauce.

You guys agree? Come on up. Well, just wait. Before. No, come on up. But before I hand it over... So it's your... Do we have a mic?

It's your honeymoon, is it? It's your honeymoon? It is. Well done. We were on... So we've been married for almost three years, but we've been like too broke-poor to actually go on a honeymoon.

Okay. So when we saw this, we said, fuck it. We're going on this cruise and getting banged up. Okay, so it's not like a normal honeymoon where it's just constant banging then. It's just like a... Well, it's drinking, smoking, and banging. Okay. That's a honeymoon. That's. Okay. That's a honeymoon.

That's a honeymoon. That's a honeymoon. And do you enjoy sauces of the hot nature? I enjoy all kinds of sauces. Where's your husband at? He's blushing. Look at the red face on him. He's a happy man.

She's nerfy. She's going to order the chicken bukkake. There we go. Right on. There he is. The bang master himself. The bang master 2000. There he is, man.

All done. Right on, brother. Yep. A marriage that might work. I bequeath to you, this is a Coney Island Saucery sauce. Very good hot sauce maker. Did you just say queef?

No, I didn't. I thought you just said bequeef. I said Coney Island Saucery. They make a lot of wonderful sauces. This is Trailer Park Boys Decent Hot Sauce. Oh my god, thank you. That is awesome.

And this is bottle number 00, which means it's a decent hot sauce. Oh, my God. Thank you. That is awesome. And that's number one. And this is bottle number 00, which means it's a prototype, the first one to come off the fucking line. You guys are the best. And you now want Ricky. I'll take it out of his pocket if I have to. I've got one upstairs

that I'll let you dip something in and taste. What? Really? Buzzman. I need to, yeah, I'm not that flexible. What? Well, cheers, guys.

Congratulations. Cheers, man. If you could work that hot sauce into your bang, that'd be impressive. No, I don't know. No, no. Take those cakes, too, man. They're all yours. Take it. Thank you. No, no. Take those cakes too, man. They're all yours. They're all yours. Take it.

Take it seriously. Thank you. Thank you. All right, cheers. You guys are very nice. Congratulations. Thank you. And you know what?

If he was a nice guy and he wasn't a total prick, he might crack it right now and everybody, you know, take a dip. It's called doing a bump. It's called doing a sauce bump. They put it right here. They put a thing and a bump. It's called doing a sauce bump. They put it right here. They put a thing, and then they... It's called doing a sauce bump. Did you make that up?

No. That's what the hot sauce community does. Trust me. I've seen it firsthand. Holy fuck, boys. Can you... Boys, I did a gigantic shot of tequila. That was about four ounces, man.

That had to be four ounces. Do you want another one? Yes. All right. Just fucking pace yourself after this, okay? Give me a fresh glass because I got some cheese pepper in there. We got a show tonight.

You know that, right? I know. Who's coming to the show? We're doing a show tonight. Okay, he might be really fucked up. You want some ice in there? Yes. Thank you, see?

We don't have a fucking clue what we're doing at this show tonight. No. But it's going to be fun, and we're all going to be drunk, and we're going to have a good time. Sounds good. That's what I think. The only part I know that we're doing for sure is Julian is taking off his shirt and oiling up his tits.

That's not going to happen, man. No. It's in your contract. Do you want to oil them up? Do I have to wash that? You have to oil them. Where's Randy? We'll get Randy to do it.

Randy's not touching my tits, man. Where is Randy? He's not. Good question. He's jerking? Tomorrow night, I think, in the Spinnaker Lounge, Randy? He's not. Good question. He's jerking? Tomorrow, tomorrow night, I think in the Spinnaker Lounge,

daytime, tomorrow in the daytime, I think in the Spinnaker Lounge, Randy's doing his cheeseburger picnic show.

No, he isn't. Which will probably suck. Well, probably. I think it's probably just him sitting there

driving as many fucking cheeseburgers as he can into himself. And he considers that entertainment. We'll go check it out. We'll go check it out. So, I think, boys, I think this concludes the fucking cruise ship podcast. Right on. 2019.

Right here. All right. All right. Awesome. Thank you. You're awesome. Great. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're awesome. You're. All right. Awesome. Thank you. You're coming out, Gus. Let's hear it for Jacob. Let's hear it for Tom Green.

Yeah. And the Honeymooners. The Honeymooners went for hot sauce. And whoever gave us the shit in that box. The Bakery Boys gave us the shit. We got all the people here. So head outside crank some liquor into your heads and then come back here for 9 30 and we're going to

get back on the stage all right get ready to get drunk tonight everyone cheers cheers