Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 189 - Le F**kin' French Podcast

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

Why does Bubbles want to open a supermarket in his shed? Who was Julian's first Star Trek crush? Why does Ricky want to be a seal? And why in the f**k is everyone speaking French?!? Grab some popcorn (sans Band-Aid) and tune in! Episode 189 is brought to you by the official Trailer Park Boys Store, SwearNet.com (the only place to watch the video of this podcash), Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky, Freedom 35 lager and Green Bastard IPA!  

Welcome to the Trailer Perk Boys podcast, brought to you in perkboysswearingit.com, the only place where you can see the video version of this podcast. Nice one. And go to trailerperkboysmerch.com and check out some merch, buy some stuff, please. They sponsor us too. What about the beer and the liquor? I was just getting to that, Richard. Also sponsored by Freedom 35, Drink the Dream, and Leckerman's all-dirty Canadian whiskey.

And a new beer is born. Try my new Rickey's Catch-23 malt liquor. It's stronger than you are. Hey, flip your little doodad over. I'm flipping it, I'm flipping it. Are you going to get that thing going or what? I got her going. We're all, look, it's going. Okay. This fucking thing.

All right, what's up, fuckers? This is the Fish and Trillip Art Boys podcast coming at you right now. This is episode number... 189. That's right. I didn't have to say anything because I've got this thing. This is episode number... 189. That's right. I didn't have to say anything because I've got this thing. I told you this thing would come in handy. Oh, you're saving words now, are you? Wow. That's right.

It's 189, folks. We're back. None of us are pissing out of our asses anymore. No. Which is a good thing. Feeling much better this week. Felt like a cow there for a while. Yeah, that was... How's the fucking injury going, Ricky?

It's starting to fade. For the people that can see this at home and aren't just listening to it on audio, Ricky has scorched his entire face. He kind of looks like that Hamilton dude. What's his name? George Ham...Hamilton? George Hamilton. That's what he looks like.

He doesn't look like George Hamilton. You're dressing like him, kind of? Yeah, he does. It was just a barbecue accident gone bad. No big deal. How, Ricky, how at your age do you still not know how to light a fucking barbecue? I know how to light one, but when the clicker button striker lighter doesn't work and you've got to use a fucking match, it can be a bit dangerous.

If you lean right in your fucking face onto the grill, to smell the gas. I was holding the match in, nothing was fucking happening, so I leaned in to see if I could hear the fucking gas running, and kablammo. Yes, this is, we just described exactly how not to light a barbecue. Keeping the match in there and listening for the gas. Well, I know that now, it's not a great idea.

All you gotta do is come to me, I got that big long match holder, the six. Well, I know that now. It's not a great idea. All you gotta do is come to me. I got that big long match holder, the six footer. We put the match on, put her in, no problem. Why don't you just get a fucking barbecue lighter, man? Just stick the thing down there, click it, it's done. You don't need a six foot fucking match. What do those cost? Right, and what does one match cost?

Nothing. You can go to Canadian Tire and just grab one. Rip it right out of the package, put it in your back pocket, you're done. Free. Never thought of that. Yeah, you shouldn't be thinking. You gotta think, man. Well, I'm glad your hair at least looks good now. I thought I was wearing my hockey helmet.

Melted the fucking logo right off the front of it though yeah you're lucky you're lucky you're not burned worse alright so what's happening I hope you guys just know this enjoy this okay enjoy what

enjoy this fucking thing we're doing right now because it's never happened the podcast what are you talking about this is the last time that I fucking am coming to this place thing we're doing right now because it's never happened. The podcast? What are you talking about it's never happened? This is the last time that I fucking am coming to this place.

No, it's not, Ricky. We've got a contract. It's bullshit, though. It's a fake fucking, my fake fucking kitchen. I've got to get out of bed, not sleep in, and come to this fucking place

with fake this and fake that, fake living room, when I could just be at my fucking place. And they could come to this fucking place with fake this and fake that, fake living room, when I could just be at my fucking place and they could come to me and I get an extra hour of sleep. Well, when I first told you we were going to start doing this, you said, no fucking way do I want those dicks at my trailer with their cameras. That's before I realized how much of a pain in the ass this would be.

So now you want them to come to your trailer? If it means I can sleep in a little bit more, yes. And I can have more of my shit in a fucking sink that works, maybe. Shit that works. I could actually cook up nice meals instead of this shitty, shitty studio shit. Are they still gonna have shitty studio shit at your place? What the fuck is that? Oh fuck, there's a bandaid in there. Oh fuck, are you kidding me?

Yeah, bandaid. Who the fuck would put a bandaid in a bowl of popcorn? Is there one in this one? It was only here, it was only in this area, so if you just get rid of that. That's crazy fucking money. It's all fresh. Someone trying to be a fucking wise guy?

That's my point. Yeah, don't put your fucking grabby popcorn in my bowl of popcorn. It's fucking germs. That's the... All right, so try to make this a good one, because it could be the last one. No, Ricky, I mean...

I'm going to think about it, but I'm pretty sure... We have to keep doing them, but if you want to move it to your place, I mean, we could... I'm happy with that. Did you already talk to them? Is this going down? I said that I wanted a rental fee, and they told me I was nuts.

All right, I'll negotiate something with these guys after this. I can negotiate it just fine. I'll fucking talk to them. But, yeah. They're aggressive. If I get more sleep, and they're gonna come to my place, not affect shit too much. Oh, that actually works, man. Jesus.

And they'll pay me a rental fee? Yeah, we're done here. Okay, well, that sounds works, man. Jesus. And they'll pay me a rental fee? Yeah, we're done here. Okay, well, that sounds good to me. I don't mind not fucking shooting in this shit hole. Fuck it. Well, aren't you something? Not by, you know what, if I don't want to do it one of the days, just lock the door and don't answer it.

No, see, that's where... Rick, we've done 189 fucking podcasts, okay? That's quite a few. That's a lot. We're not all of a sudden going to start slacking off because we're shooting in your trailer now. Mark's 29th. Guess who was born?

Who? Sam Walton. Who's that? The owner of Walmart. Really? Yeah. American businessman. Is he dead? Oh, he's dead. 1992. Really? Yeah. American businessman. Is he dead?

Oh, he's dead. 1992. Yeah, yeah. He's been dead a long time. Oh, man. He missed out on a lot of cash. I would have thought that his last name would have been Walmart. Like, where did Walmart come from?

Sam Walmart. Well, it's Walton, Ricky, so it's like wall, the wall of his name, and then mart, because it's a mart. Ah. Walmart. So, that is fucking good. You should be a detective.

Fuck's sakes, Ricky. If you owned it, it would be Rick Mart. See, Sam's club makes sense, because his name's Sam, right? It's his club. The Walmart thing, I would never, ever have figured that one out. Fuck your smart. Rick Mart. If you had one, you'd be Rick Mart.

That'd be awesome. I'd be Jewel Mart. Yeah, and I'd be Bob Mart. The Bob Mart, heading under the Bob Mart., heading down to the bub-mert. Where would you buy the bub-mert? Cat stuff. That's a good fucking cat thing. Shed supplies, the bub-mert.

Let's go to the bub-mert. I'm gonna open the fucking bub-mert. Sell some cat food. Yeah. Head down to the bub-mert. It's like a little... It could be like a supermarket in a shed. The Bub Mart.

I'm gonna do that. I'll get it going with you, man. No, I don't need you to get it going with me. I can do the Bub Mart. You need someone that knows business to fucking open up a Bub Mart. Just don't fucking throw a sign in front of your shed. Actually, that's...

Sell cat food. That's exactly what I'm thinking of doing. What about a Bubb-bear? Bub-bear. A bub-bear? A bub-bear. I could have a whole chain of things. Bub cuts? Bub cuts, yeah.

I'll cut your hair. What's another one? What's it? No, there's more, Ricky. There's lots more. Bub gas? Bub gas? Bub station there's more, Rick. There's lots more. Bub gas? Bub gas? Bub station?

Bub station. What's a bub station? Like a station. It's a station, man. Like a fire station. Bub station. Bub station, that one's not great. All right, who else do we got here? We got...

1943, Eric Idle. He's a funny motherfucker, that guy. I want a Monty Python. Oh, he's good. You know who he is? Yeah. I forget which one he is, but they're all good, so he's good. He's the British one, Ricky.

You know who he is now? Yep. All right. He doesn't have a fucking clue. No. Yeah, Eric Idle, he's very funny. Yeah, he spoke English, I see. Born in South Shields, England. Have we ever been there?

South Shields. I don't believe we've ever been to South Shields. We know it's south. England. It's funny that he's from England and he's an English comedian. It'd be funnier if he was, like, from England and he was a French comedian. Why would that make it funnier, man? I don't know.

Have you ever heard of, like, a French comedian? But if he was... I've heard of a French Canadian. Yeah, but a comedian? Did you ever go watch one? I did before, up in Moncton. Not cool, man. Did, but a comedian? Did you ever go watch one? I did before up in Moncton. Not cool, man. Did you understand the French? Not any, not a bit of it. Do you mean if he spoke French or if he was a Frenchman that lived in England? Same thing, isn't it? Well, not if you're

born in England. You can't be French. You can speak French, but you can't be French. You're actually French, Ricky. Did you know that? They say that, but I don't know if I am. But you can't be French. You're actually French, Ricky. Did you know that? They say that, but I don't know if I am. But you don't know anything in French. Maybe oui? Bonjour. Kinda. Bonjour.

Bonjour. You gotta say it with a bit of an accent, man. Bit of a. Throw some fucking flavor into it. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Babou. Yeah. Oh, that's good. That was really good into it. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Babou. Yeah. That was good.

That was really good, man. Yes. No, we. We. I know that lapin is bunny. What is? Lapin. Because I seen it on the Easter bunny when you get a chocolate bunny.

What's it say? What is the word? Lapin. Lapin. Yeah. What's it say? What is it worth? La pain. La pain. Yeah. What's a fish in French? Croissant. See, that's better.

That's pretty good. I don't know where that came from. What about ice? And what's the crescent-shaped roll like that? I have no idea. Soft. Half moon. No.

What was the fish called? Wanda. What? Oh, the fish you just said in French. Oh, poisson. Okay, now the crescent roll, do it with a Sierra on the front of it. Croissant. There.

That's another one. Oh, yeah. I've heard of those. I like those fucking things. You're learning French, Ricky. You know what we should do? You ever hear of that fucking babble, is it called? French is easy.

You can learn languages? Babble, yeah. We should get on that, man. Yes. Try to fucking learn a language. Je suis un marronnette. We'll go to France, do a live show there, but we'll all try to speak it in French.

Do you know how to say ruler, like a ruler that you measure with? Not a clue. Un lab. Oh, yeah. Oh, what's the bathroom? You're like Pat French. Es que je peux aller a la salle de bain?

That's pretty good, man. Why don't you learn French? That means can I go to the bathroom, please? Es que je peux aller a la salle de bain? That's pretty good. Un lab. Est-ce que je peux aller à la salle de bain? Rer! Don't say ruler ever again. Rer! Nacanese.

What? Some of those words, you gotta really get your... Mayonnaise? Your slimer going in your throat. Slimer. Mayonnaise, they pronounce it nacanese. I know that cream is creme. Oof is egg. Oof?

Oof? Oof. Oof. Only problem is you get the whole fucking le and la shit. That's where I get fucked up. Pepe la pew. No, it's le, you know, le this or la that. Is it pepe le pew or pepi lap you?

Pepi lap you. Pepi lap you. How the fuck did we get on a French tangent? I don't know. Drugs? Did we smoke French weed? What's weed in French? Weed in French?

Mejahwana. That sounded like fucking Spanish or something, man. Well, they're similar. Similar languages. Yeah. Yeah. You're right, man. 1961, Amy Sedaris.

Oh, she's fucking... She's a funny one. She's hilarious. She's a funny lady. She was born in 1961, so that's... What? Oh, I'm not going to figure it out. She's 58. She's getting close? Oh, I'm not gonna figure it out. She's like fucking 58. She's getting close to 60, man.

How are you doing math so good lately? Don't know. Drugs. Did you hit your head or something? Well, numbers have always been good with me. You know, if you're dealing drug money and you gotta give change and stuff. Yeah, I suppose.

Yeah, if somebody, you know know handed you 61 bucks and it was i still can't figure out what i'm trying to say move it on don't try to figure out the way my brain works but no we're not gonna we're never gonna try 1964. see who it is ellen mcpherson holy yeah. She's hot, right? I don't know who, I know the name, I just don't know what she looks like. Ellen McPherson. Fucking swimsuit, apparently. I know, there's like fucking tons of them.

No, you Google her. She was one of your favorites, 19, I don't know, she was in the Sports Illustrated. Probably mid-80s. Yeah, mid-80s. Wasn't she married to, no, I'm thinking of the guy from the cars but that wasn't her. Her nickname was The Body. Wow.

That's a pretty good nickname. Coined by time. That used to be your nickname too. Shut the fuck up. That's weird. All right, she was in Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model. Yeah. And she was born when?

64. Oh, she's fucking, she's getting up there, huh? Yeah. It's the body. I forgot. It's the body, man. I forgot you tried to get that. Why are you bringing that back?

I've never been called the fucking God. No, but you were trying to get people to call you that. I was trying to get people to call me that, was I? Yes. Fuck that. I remember we were on the playground. Don't even go there. What was the name he came up with himself?

Jewelrod the Bod or something? Jewelrod the Bod. You guys are so fucked. We were on the playground one day and you just floated the idea that maybe everybody should have nicknames. And I forget what mine was and you had one for him and then you're like, I could easily just be called the Boddy. The Boddy. Fuck off, Bob. Come on. Jewel, fuck off, Bob.

Jewelrod. Jewelrod the bod. You guys are fucked. I never gave myself the nickname Jewelrod the bod or even talked about the body. You floated the idea. You guys are fucked. So if we all got nicknames right now, what would they be? Would yours be the body?

You know what? Let's discuss this maybe when we're drunk tonight instead of like right now. I think right now. Because you know you're just going to fucking come up with something. What nickname would you like to have, Ricky? I don't know yet. Just give me a few minutes on that one. What are you thinking for you?

This is neat. What are you thinking for you? This is neat. What are you thinking? I don't... I could be like... Doc. Doc? Doc. I wouldn't mind being called Doc. Doc? Why? I don't know. It's just a cool nickname.

Not a doctor. I know, but neither is Doc Watson. Or Doc Hollywood. Doc Holliday. Holliday? Doc Hollywood. Doc Hollywood.. Holliday? Doc Hollywood. Doc Holliday. Wasn't that a Michael J. Fox movie?

Doc Holliday. Who the fuck is that? Doc Holliday. He's the one from Young Guns. Oh, I thought it was Hollywood. Who's Doc Hollywood? Hollywood didn't even exist back then. It's the fucking old west.

There is a Doc Hollywood. I'm going to fucking look this up. Yeah, it's a Michael J. Fox movie from the 80s. All right, which was a good fucking movie. Rich, you were calling yourself the body, probably going to the premiere of. I went to the premiere, did I, of Doc Hollywood. I would like to be called Doc or even Slick.

Slick? Bob, what is Slick about you? Slick, I slick my hair over to one side. Oh, fuck, man. I could be a Slick. Slick is kind of like a, I don't know. What's up? Slick! I slick my hair over to one side. Oh fuck man. I could be a slick. Slick is kind of like a... What's up slick? Greaser fucking name from back in the grease days. I'm slick.

Aw, I'm kind of like that. The bad boy. Bad boy slick. I'm kind of like that. He always has his cock out. Bobbs, you're fucked. I don't know, who could I be? You, Ricky? THC?

THC, that's not bad. It doesn't roll off the tongue. You sound like a female fucking girl, man. What's going on, THC? You could be called that. Too much like TLC, man. Which is whack. Yeah, it is a little bit like TLC.

Or TC for Magnum. To who? Wasn't that his name? Which is whack. Yeah, a little bit like TLC. Or TC for Magnum. Mmm. Who? Wasn't that his name? RL. We could call you RL, Ricky LeFleur. He wants to be TC for Magnum. That's the helicopter pilot, wasn't it?

He was cool. You... Fuck. The guy with the little mustache? No, man. TC was the big guy. Oh, I don't remember him. Looked like fucking a linebacker.

Drove a helicopter like a motherfucker. Looked like TC. Fuck, Bob. Okay, this is what Ricky wants to be like. He wants to be like TC. Well, just because you have a nickname doesn't mean you want to be like the person. Well, he wants to be like, he even just said it.

Rewind the fucking tape. There's worse people to be like. What are you, are you still trying to find fucking albums? Here's TC, that's who Ricky wants to be. I remember him now. Cool as fuck, but Ricky, you're not a pilot. And you look nothing like TC. You're not nearly as cool as this guy.

Well, he was gonna be THC and he just decided to shorten it. What about wings? What? Wings. Wings, now, I like that. Okay, why wings? Because when I'm high, I feel like I can fly. Now, who's the running?

I'll start calling you Wings, man. Wings. From here on, you're Wings. I like it. Wings. And Doc. Wings and Doc. And from here on, you're wings. I like it, wings. And Doc. Wings and Doc. And who are you? And Julian.

No, the Moss. The Moss. Don't call me the Moss, man. Musk? Moss, M-U-S, short for muscles. Moss. The Moss. Not happening, Doc.

Moss, Doc, and Wings You're trying, Doc, and wings. We'll come up with something later. Delts? What about delts? Delts. Isn't that a muscle group? That is a muscle group. We're not called...

That's not my nickname. Biceps. What? Biceps? Hey, biceps. No, man. Yes. That's bad.

No, no, no, no, no. I think biceps is it. No, no, no, no, no. I think biceps is it. No, no, no, no, no. I think biceps is it. No, no, no, no, no. I think Biceps? Hey, biceps. No, man. Yes. That's bad.

No, no, no, no, no. I think biceps is it. I'm gonna come, when I'm happy with one, I'll say, okay, yeah, call it. Abs. Abs. Abs, yeah, they're fucking spectacular. What's up, abs?

I'm just thinking of the different muscles, different muscle groups. Right now, you know what your nickname could be? Chewy. Chewy? Chewy, because you're chewing the popcorn. It's good popcorn, man. Everybody's here.

I'm starving. And you're kind of like Chewbacca. I'm not kind of. That guy was fucking like massively fucking tall. And he was a Wookie. And he was a Wookie, yeah. Do I look like a fucking Wookie? That might be the first difference you want to point out.

Not that he was just a big guy. Oh, and he wasn't human. He was a Wookie. I forgot about that part. Take it easy, doc. That's like saying I'm nothing like Kermit the Frog because he was way shorter than I was. Oh, fuck.

Lucy Lawless got born. Oh, man. This day. She's awesome. Is that her real name, I wonder? Yep. Wow. She's from New Zealand.

Would that be her real name, Lucy Lawless? Who gives a fuck? Really, buds? No, I'm just saying. She was Xena, Princess Warrior, man. It's a great last name if it's not a real name. I guess was my point. I bet you had to think for weeks on that one.

Oh, Ricky, look who the next one is. What year were they born? Watch this, watch this. Something's not right here. They must have fucked up. Well, no. That is her birth date. That is her birth date. How's that?

March 29th, 2336. Man, my head doesn't feel so good right now. How? That's the question. What's this word? Yeah. How? That's the question. What's this word? Starts with a F. Beta, beta Zed. The one after that, that starts with a F.

Fictional. Fictional. Which? She's fictional. Which means real, doesn't it? No, it means not real, fictional. She's fictional. Which means real, doesn't it? No, it means not real. Fictional. She's from Star Trek. Non-fictional is not real. Non-fictional.

Non-fictional is based on fact, isn't it? No, it's based on fiction, which is not fact. Non-fiction is factual. What else is it? Counselor. Fucking Star Trek, next generation. Jesus Christ. My brain was like, how the fuck is this possible?

It's only 19... No, it's 2017 now, isn't it? 2019. There was a 19 in there. It's only 19... Well, wait now. I was off by some years. But anyway, so yeah, my brain said no.

I don't believe you. So your brain actually says things to you, to you the person. It shuts shits down when it thinks it's fucked, yes. It shuts things down. Shuts shits down, he said. Wow. Deanna Turoi, she was hot. I think it was probably my first crush ever, man, was her.

Used to watch Star Trek. Really? Yeah, man. Deanna? It's not real, Julian. Her character was fucking real. That's a weird thing to say. So is that her real name,

or is that the person on Star Trek's name? That was just her Star Trek name. That's her weird thing. So is that her real name, or is that the person on Star Trek's name? That was just her Star Trek name. That's her Star Trek name. So were you in love with her or the actor playing her? Her. Or is it a guy? I thought she was a beautiful lady. Dean Troy.

Yeah. Deanna Troy. Deanna. You were in love with the actress, not because Deanna it doesn't matter the same It's the same fucking thing She looked great on deck fucking of the enterprise and she looked good fucking walk on the streets She's a little dick scar on her face Whatever the fuck it was

scar The fuck you got her she had a tree wrapping around her head? The moss don't date scars, bud. The moss don't do it. Oh fuck, I totally fucked. Okay, no, I was thinking of the other one, man. The other girl. But she was... Which one is she?

Oh, that's on her house. Yeah, I was picturing the one with the... Yeah, I was thinking of the other one I totally fucked up. I was picturing Geordie with the goggles on. Geordie? Wasn't that his name? Geordie LaForge?

I think that was his name, man. Jesus. He's the guy that had the, you know, the peeper goggles. Like the little... And you... You thought he was handsome. No, I didn't think he was handsome. That's what we were talking about.

I was thinking that's who... Buck, I can't wait to shoot this at my place. No, I didn't think he was handsome. That's what we were talking about. I was thinking that's who... Buck, I can't wait to shoot this at my place and fucking have real food for a change. Some real food would be nice, man, instead of just popcorn. What are you gonna think you're gonna have? Name it. Ricky, make it. Mm-hmm.

Unless it's nothing too... My bad. I would like a lobster thermidor. Okay, nothing too fucking crazy. Something out of a box, please. Even something like fucking chicken fingers, I would totally fucking love right now. Yes, frozen foods of gloriousness.

Yeah, we should go to the Costco and get his list going. Yeah. Hand it to them guys, say get it. We could fire up the deep fryer right on the table. I wonder if the guy that invented Costco was last named that. Or no? No. No, man.

It has nothing to do with the name. It could be Johnny Cost. You don't know. Not a chance, man. Sam Wall. What was it? Wall. Walton.

Walton. Didn't invent the Costco. So Sam Walton invented Walmart. Maybe he invented Walgreens, too, did he? What about the Waltons, the show? That's what I was thinking at first. John Boy and the fucking gang. No, he did nothing to do with those Waltons.

They were poor. It was a TV show, Buzz. But they were poor. Sam Walton was flying around in private jets. So he made a show about poor people to make himself feel better? Maybe. I don't think so, though. That's the way people work now. No, because when you think about them saying goodnight at the end of the show,

goodnight John boy, goodnight Mary Beth, there was nobody saying goodnight Sam. Yeah, but he made the show, maybe. And he did it because it made him feel better. Because they were poor as fuck, but they were living together, they were happy. Good night, everybody. So they're like his slaves, basically. Not like his slaves. It just made him feel better, man,

because he was so fucking rich. Psychology shit, man. Don't worry. I know you don't have to understand it. Do you guys want to get learned a little bit about some different types of animal things? Sure, man. Yes. Some of these I thought were funny. I think I've said some of them maybe before, Do you guys want to get learned a little bit about some different types of animal things? Sure, man.

Yes. Some of these I thought were funny. I think I've said some of them maybe before, but my brain doesn't remember things like it used to. You know what an opossum is? What, a possum? Yeah. Yes. Well, you know, when they're playing possum, like when they're acting like they're dead?

Yeah. They're not playing. They're actually so fucking scared shitless that they pass out from what they think is this bad situation. I thought it was like a big, I thought they were good actors. I didn't. They're just little pansies. They get so fucking scared and terrified they got to pass out. Little pussies.

How the fuck do they know they're actually passed out and not just fucking playing possum. Well, there must be scientific proof. Dum-dum. I don't fucking believe it. Fuck that. So you think they're like Academy Award winning actors? No, they're just fucking, they're just, it's in their genes and shit. Someone comes after them, wants to eat them, I'm fucking knocking myself out. Cool.

Okay, well, I'm fucking knocking myself out, boom. Okay, well, I guess that one's up for debate. What are you fucking going on about, Smiley? What do you think, you want to chime in? I'm just listening to you two, just listening to the fucking brainwaves flowing back and forth. Fuck.

Do you ever wish you were a SEAL? Never. Never once. Really? I wish I was Seal, the singer, but never a seal. Oh, fuck, I'd love to be a seal for a few days. Why? Just the way they live. Swimming, like, fast. Getting eaten by fucking killer whales.

Doing little jumps and twirls and seal shit. What? Why would you? What's up with the seal shit? What are you talking about? My point was, if you were a Weddell seal, you can travel underwater

for seven fucking miles without surfacing for air. That's quite a little swim. If I wasn't a seal, I'd like to be able to do that at least. Fuck that. You never go swimming, man.

Why the fuck would you want to be able to do that I'd start swimming every day if I could do that Really Find things Find things You wouldn't have arms Ricky Seven miles under the fucking ocean there

Going way out there You could swim down into the Titanic if you could hold your breath that long That's only two miles It's something else man You're gonna fucking die if you try to swim down there that far. Seals can't go down two miles. No, man. You'd fucking explode.

They'd implode. From what? Implode. From the pressure. Like, just the pressure gets to you as you're trying to get so deep, or? No, there's actual pressure, Ricky. The deeper you go, the more the water pressure. Like, if you put a can down there,

it would just flatten the fucking thing. How does that work? Water pressure. Fuck, all right, well, I'm gonna rethink that whole plan. I don't think you should be wishing to be a seal, Ricky. Okay, how about an iguana? An iguana can stay underwater for 28 minutes.

An iguana? I didn't know that. Does he have a little snorkel on? I don't know, I didn't look at the pictures or anything, but that's pretty cool. Maybe he has a little scuba tank with 28 minutes of air. Can they swim though? I think iguanas can swim. I think they can walk on water, can't they?

What are the ones that can run across the top of the water? Those little fucking lizards, yeah. They get that big... What? A fucking... Raptor? A raptor? Raptor has a big thing around its head, doesn't it? It was a dinosaur, man.

We're talking about fucking lizards that run across the water. They're all a fucking part of the same family, though. Yeah. Except there's no... Horses can't puke. Did I say that before? Bull-fucking-shit. They can't. Why? They don't have the muscles?

They don't have what it takes. They don't have the throat muscles that... I'm pretty sure I fucking witnessed a horse hacking up shit that he was eating. Like grass and shit. he got a couple of. That's not the same as puking, that's just coughing up a little grass ball. Still kinda like puking. It's not like puking.

You know cows can though, right? They do it on purpose. They what, puke? They regurgitate their food and then re-chew it. What's it called, their cud? Cud. What the fuck? Regurgitate the cud.

Really? Yeah, man. Yeah, chewing on their cud, it's called. Regurgitated old stomach food. Fuck, I gotta start writing that down. I didn't know that about cows. Here's a fact that'll save your lives. If you're trying to outrun,

alligators and crocodiles are fucking quick. You probably didn't know that, but on land they're fucking fast. I knew that. But they're not agile. So if you run in diagonal like a squiggly squog, you'll out get away. Oh, because they've got no cornering. No, man. Not with those short little fucking legs.

They just have to go straight. They can't corner properly. So you deke them out basically. Fuck yeah, just run zigzaggily. So you could run around these motherfuckers like in a circle, they'd never get you. They can leap pretty good in each direction, but I know what he's saying.

If you're running like this, they're gonna try to go at you, corner you, and then you're back this way, and they're like, ah, fuck, my little legs aren't... You know? They're kind of like a jet ski, the same kind of thing, right? Why won't he stay straight? Snapping at you. I'd be laughing, Hoy.

I figured you out. You got nothing, nothing. Can't corner. Remember he challenged a bunch of them to a fight that time? Yeah, now I'm confident. Back then I didn't know these little secrets. I still would have fought them. I still can't believe you got that close

to those fucking things that day. Fuck that. You know what? I've made my decision. This is done. It's done? If we ever do another one of these, it's gonna be at my fucking house.

So this is the last podcast on this? Could be. On a set, yeah. I'm fucking, I'm game for it. Here, take this thing. We need that, Bob. I'm sure you're going to flip it. All right, well, we should take...

We need these things. Yeah, we need those. That's tons of fun. All this shit is basically ours. Do you need clean, do you have clean bowls at your place? Probably not, eh? Yeah, they're in the sink, but they're clean. There's fucking shit growing in there.

I think that clock would be nice. Okay. Just throw that over there. And that rocket's mine anyway. They took that in here from me, and the big rocket we're taking. Fuck all these empty bottles and shit. We don't need empty bottles. I guess this contract doesn't work anymore

if we're not here anymore. Excuse me. Yeah, I'm definitely taking my bottle. Oh, you gotta take Ray's painting. Yeah, we'll take that with us. Here's your contract. That's a contract? My brain, when dead, go to rubber.

No sexy stuff. Goes to bubbles. When did he make this contract? I don't even remember signing that thing. I made a deal with him, and I'm a man of my deals. My brain, when dead, go to bubbles. I can't figure this out. No sexy stuff.

What do you mean, sexy stuff? I don't want to take advantage of... You're gonna try to bang your brain? I'm definitely not to bang your brain? I'm definitely not going to bang your brain, man. You die. I don't think he's talking about getting his brain banged. He thinks you're going to do it with his body. Oh, fuck, man.

Oh, yeah, that's mine. Might as well take all those sunglasses, man. Yeah, definitely take that doll for it. That's mine. That's cool, man. Okay, Ricky, maybe we can just, you know. Let's just sign off on this shit. Maybe we can just tell.

Oh, fuck. I think I broke my dolphin. I hope not. Don't break the fucking dolphin. All right, tune in next week when we're going to be in Ricky's trailer. Maybe. Eating some real food, maybe. We may not be in any way.

No, it's happening. I'm talking to him today. I think it's actually, you know what, I'm excited about it. Mm-hmm. Ricky's trailer next week with a very special guest. I'm gonna, I got a guest. What do you mean you got a guest? Yeah.

They better be, no one's coming to my trailer unless I approve. Ricky, I'm telling you, you're gonna be very excited. I'm gonna- You got lots of appies. Gotta go to Costco, remember that. Am I gonna get some man creme going? Man creme? Yeah.

French Jesus, man. No, that's not happening. Well, how excited am I gonna be? On that note...