Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 19 - Live from New York City

Episode Date: December 11, 2015

From Central Park, NYC, the 19th (or 8th or 11th, who f**kin' knows) TPB Podcast! This week's topics including how to beat up Elmo, Gus the neurotic polar bear, "T!ts & Grits", and why Randy and Lahey stink! And where do you find dope in the "Center of the Park"?   Episode 19 is brought to you by Liquormen's Ol' Dirty Canadian Whisky!  

What's going on you fuckers? Trailer Park Boy podcast. This is number what? What is it? Number 12, 8, 17? 19. 19? Podcast number 19, live from Central Park in New York City.

December 11th. It is December 11th. Ricky, good job. Thanks, guys. Good job, Ricky. Live from Central Park in New York City. Look at this, boys. This is fucking exciting. You know what the good thing is about this place right now? It's December 11th, and we don't have jackets on or nothing.

It's fucking... It's actually kind of warm. I feel fantastic. We're at the Chaston Chackers house here. For the people that are just listening to this, you're just hearing it right now. For the people that are watching it on Swearin' It, look at this, Central Park. Why do they call it Central Park?

Because we're in the center of it, or? No, it's kind of central to the city, Ricky. It's, I mean, it's in Manhattan, and it's right sort of, you know. But it's not. I mean, if you look over that way, there's the city, Ricky. It's, I mean, it's in Manhattan and it's right sort of, you know. But it's not. I mean, if you look over that way, there's the city. There's all the big buildings.

You look over that way, it's just trees and woods and squirrels and bullshit. Well, that's more of a park. That's more of a park. It's a big park, Rick. It's a huge fucking park. It's huge, man.

It's huge. It's like 50, 60 blocks long and it's just, it's massive. It goes from like 59th Street right up to like 100 and something Street and it's from, it's massive. It goes from like 59th Street right up to like 100 and something Street. And it's from, you know, I think from 8th Avenue over to 5th. Like, it's wide as fuck.

It's a big park. But how did it survive? Like, how did they not... Why is nothing built here? I mean, this land must be worth a lot of money. It is, but the city owns it. They want to keep it as a park, and they built the fucking thing from scratch.

I was reading about it. Oh, you're doing books. What are you talking about? What did you tell him? They built it from scratch. What? He's not going to understand that, man. They built the park.

They built it. They built all the trees and fucking all... They built the water. Did they? The lakes and the river. They did, Ricky. The whole water system in Central Park... Bullshit. ...can be controlled.

They can turn valves and raise lakes and lower... I read all about the fucking thing. It's man-made, Rick. They can turn valves and raise leaks and lower. I read all about the fucking thing. It's man-made, Rick. They can turn the ocean on and off too, I guess? This isn't the, it's, no. There's no ocean in here, but all the- Where do you think the water comes from? Like a sprinkler system, man.

Like a water system, they turn on and off. That is the most fucked thing I've ever heard. Look, Ricky, here's a fact about Central Park that might interest you. It was flat. No. Look at that might interest you. It was flat. No. Look at it now. No, it was flat.

So the hills grew. No, they sculpted the hills. Why did you even start this shit, man? What do you mean? Okay, so it was flat. Here's how much. Let's pretend it was flat. Try to wrap your head around this.

This is how much dirt they brought in. They brought in enough dirt to make something the size of a football field 80 stories tall. Fuck off. They brought in that much dirt and then they sculpted her into, you know, hills and did the layout. Are you guys fucking with me right now? No, it's all man-made, Rick. Man-made, Rick. I would never look at this park and think that's even fucking possible.

This is a lot of dirt. That's probably a good thing, man. They did a great job then, didn't they? It's not 80 stories high, but it's a lot of fucking dirt. No, it's, no, they, Rick. No, if you took all the dirt that they used in here and put it on a football field, it would go up 80 stories. Why would you do that?

It's just to give you a good idea how much dirt was brought in, okay? You know how big a football- So a fucking lot of dirt was brought in, and they sculpted it, and they madeed and they made trees and made water and... Yes, and now it's... Fuck. You know, now it's like the focal point of New York City.

It's like, everybody comes here. You know what else is the focal point of New York City? What? The bars, which is where we should be at right now. No, I want to do this. Like, why are we spending our time in Central Park? Go to the bars. I might just move to this park.

I love this park. I didn't know it was fucking made from scratch like a fucking loaf of bread. But I like it here. I can survive here. Like a loaf of bread. Lots of shit you can make salads out of on the ground. You know what? Big fucking squirrels the size of turkeys.

You can fucking get a couple of those and cook them up. Ricky, there's a guy in the park here that will show you how to make a salad using the different, you know, greens that are in the park. So you were actually right on that. I can live off salads and squirrels and other types of small animals. There's probably some fish here. Why would you want to, though, man? Have you ever eaten a squirrel, Ricky? You have, haven't you?

Nope. Bullshit. Ricky, you've eaten squirrels. I heard that they taste all right, though. I know you have.shit. Ricky, you've eaten squirrels. I heard that they taste all right. I know you and Ray ate squirrels. I guarantee you, you ate a squirrel before. You ate a hamster or a guinea pig before.

Guinea pig? I've never eaten a fucking hamster. We don't meet on one of those. I heard squirrels taste pretty good. I wouldn't know myself, but I... You and Ray ate a fucking squirrel. I remember. Shit. Yeah, you have.

You went camping. I ate a piece of it too, because Ray come on. Because Ray told us it was chicken. And then I found the fucking squirrel pelt. What did it taste like, bubs? It was terrible. Ray basted it in liquor and... Listen to the fucking sirens in this city. It's insane. They don't stop.

Just be happy they're not coming for us. Or hopefully they're not anyway. They're not coming for us. There's bigger fish to fry in this city than us, Ricky. Oh. You guys ever come visit me when I live here? The center of the park of the central New York? Can we start the fucking podcast?

Yes. What do we gotta do to start it? I've got some facts here about Central Park. I know we already talked about some, but these here are more interesting. So it's man-made. It's man-made. Which is fucked when you live off the land. Listen to this one. At one point, there was a crocodile

living in one of the lakes in the park. That's fucking cool. I'd love to fight a crocodile. Let's go find the fucking thing. No, it's not here anymore, is that what you mean? No, they got rid of him, man. Oh, my God. They figure somebody smuggled one in,

you know, as a small guy. Yeah. Tossed him in the lake,, you know, as a small guy. Yeah. Tossed him in the lake and the cocksucker kept getting bigger. I bet he did. All the fucking huge squirrels running around here and little dogs. And then people, you know, were spotting them and stuff. Hopefully he didn't eat any kids. There's also been sightings of coyotes and bears.

Fuck off. Bullshit, I don't believe that, man. I can't live here if fucking bears are gonna live here. What kind of bears? Doesn't believe that, man. I can't live here if fucking bears are gonna live here. What kind of bears? Doesn't say. All right. Listen to him. You said you'd wrestle a bear.

You've said that before. I'm not gonna fight a big fucking grizzly bear, am I? Well, how do you know it's a grizzly bear? I'd fight a black bear. They're little pussies. You think black bears are pussies? Well, they're little ones. They're not.

Babies. They would rip you apart, man. You'd fight a baby bear. I'd fucking take a few shots at it and see what happened. Which would make you a pussy for fighting a baby bear. Do you want to fight a bear? No, I've never said I wanted to fight a fucking bear, Ricky. You're the one that's always talking about it.

You'd wrestle one of the grounds down. What's the biggest bear you'd fight, Ricky? Like, what kind of weight are we talking? Like, double Randy, which is pretty big. A 400- A double Randy bear which is pretty big. A 400- A double Randy bear. That's about 500 pounds. Same size as Randy.

Wherever the fuck Randy is. That's a 500 pound bear you're talking about. How much do you think Randy actually weighs? I'd say he's pushing 300. 300? Boy, Randy's not 300, is he? I don't know, man. The gut is solid.

He was 240 back in grade five. He's gotta be about 240. Maybe it was 140, I solid. He was 240 back in grade five. He's gotta be about 290. Randy wasn't 240 in grade five. Yes, he was. 140? That's still a big grade five kid. 140, 240. I bet his boiler weighs over 100. What the fuck was in my drink?

Okay, you want to hear another fun fact? As long as it's fun and not dumb. Elmo was once arrested in the park for being a crazy anti-Semitic jerk. Elmo? Like the cartoon guy? Yeah, look, there was a guy in an Elmo suit. Apparently he was running around, fucking ranting and shooting off about people.

What an idiot. Just being an asshole. I don't know what happened to him. It wasn't actually Elmo. It was some idiot dressed up an asshole. I don't know what happened to him. It wasn't actually Elmo. It was some idiot dressed up as Elmo. See, people like that need to get beat down. It's the only way to fucking get them learned.

Beat the fuck out of them. I agree. Would you beat him in his Elmo suit or take him out of the suit? Oh, yeah, no, right in the fucking seat. Boom, boom. Yeah, see, that's risky though, Ricky, because then there's, you know, kids watching,

and then they've got a complex, because they see, you know... Good point. A big stone guy beating... Well, maybe I'd rip his fucking dumb head off, because one time I did fight a mascalot. A mascalot? What the fuck are they called? A mascot? The things for fucking schools and stuff.

A mascot. Yeah, I fought one of those once, and I went to crank the fucking thing in the head, and the head wasn't where it looked like it was. His head was actually down lower, so I hit fucking air. It fucked me up, and then he beat the living piss out of me. I think you're right. You know what? If you're gonna beat up a mascot or an Elmo,

you grab the little fucker, you take him underneath the bridge, then you give him the elbow, you take off. When did you ever fight a mascot? I don't remember. I fucking pissed off when I was working at the goddamn community college. They had the big, tough football game. That mascot was there making fun of me. What was it? Showed him.

It was a great big fucking robin. Robin. I don't think you ever fought a robin, Ricky. You sure you just weren't on a lot of mushrooms? It could have been a black bird, I guess. I was in mushroom trip Fucking nuts boys. Let's go hit a bar right now. It's probably happy awesome. Joy We're gonna wait for Randy where the fuck did we go supposed to give me some dope starting to get dark old boys useless

Christmas in we're not waiting for Randy if he's not here in ten minutes for fuck out of here ready Randy we're over here, you stupid fuck! Don't... Ricky, it was so much better when he wasn't here. Well, hopefully he's got some fucking dope for him. If he doesn't, he can fuck off and go find some again. You bringing Randy in? I hope these birds aren't gonna, like, swoop down and...

They're not gonna... Let's just keep going on with these facts. Well, let's see. There's nothing about fucking killer birds or anything in here, is there? Let's just keep going on with these facts. Well, let's see. There's nothing about fucking killer birds or anything in here, is there? Oh, my fuck, there is, Ricky. It says if you hear a swarm of birds, run for your fucking life. Ricky! He's just joking.

I'm just fucking with you. You can't fuck around with shit like that. I don't want to get pecked and end to death. Packed and what? Henned, or whatever they call it. What is it? Henned-packed. Henned-packed. Packed packed and hen to death. Listen. Packed and what? Henned, or whatever they call it. Hen-packed. Hen-packed. Packed and hen to death. No, hen-packed is basically, that means pussy-whipped, doesn't it?

You're hen-packed? I don't know. Oh, look who fucking is. Randy. What's up, guys? Hey, Randy, how'd you make it? Let's go. Dope, dope, dope, dope, dope.

Let's go. I didn't want any dope, Ricky. What the fuck are you talking about? I tried, I tried. Why are you back here? Randy. Well, I decided to... Keep your arms to your side. Like, when was the last time you had a shower, man? Seriously.

I showered this morning, Julian. Well, where's some fucking deodorant? I looked everywhere for dope. God. It's everywhere. You couldn't have looked out hard because apparently there's dope everywhere here. That's what everyone's saying. I looked for liquor too, Julian.

This is fucked. Well, who would buy anything or give you anything with a stink like that coming off you, man? It's just a bunch of horses. Tons of horses and buggies. Here's another fact. Okay, boys. Bunch of whores and what?

Jig is up, boys. What the fuck is he doing here? Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Jig is up. Is that where you went, Randy? To find your little fucking boyfriend and bring him back? I didn't see Mr. Lay until right now, Rick. You friggo off.

You can't escape me. Well, we're in New York City, and you didn't see him until just now. Just an Rick. You frig off. You can't escape me. We're in New York City and you didn't see him till just now. Just an coincidence. You didn't find any dope or anything else. You found him. Fucking Jesus. Guess what, boys? I got a warrant here for Ricky.

Yeah? What are you talking about? For evading parole. You're out of your jurisdiction, so it doesn't count. I got it signed by Homeland Security, PCP, and ISIS. And it's written, I'm also arresting you for aiding and abetting this little shit bag. But I'll tell you what I'll do, boys,

as a special favor, if you can see your way to buy me another 40, because I fucking lost my, I slipped on some fucking- Mr. Lee, why do you smell so friggin' bad? Because I slipped in some fucking donkey donkey shit down in the fucking trailer. So we give you a 40 ounce, you're gonna take off? Is that the deal? I'll tell you what, I'll let you guys do your little shitty show. Hey, just fucking...

Here. Go on, that's our lead. Do you want some money for a 40 ounce thing? Just wait, just wait, just wait. This is a fucking menu from Cat's Deli. Let's see, give me a minute. This is a very important document. Randy, I want you to come home with me, bud. What a fucking idiot. All right, Mr. Lay, I'll go home with you. You will? Good, because... Good. Get out of here. Yeah.

Frig off, Fricky. Well, go find me some fucking dope. I'm fucking useless. What's with some fricking dope? Where the frick do you find dope in Central Park, for frick's sakes? You're in New York City, for fuck's sakes. There's dope everywhere you dumbass.

Randy, I'll fucking do it. Randy, when you're down by the lake, grab a squirrel and rub him under your armpits. Yeah, that's a good idea. See if you can clean the fucking things out of him. Or a swan or something. Julian, will you give me a couple dollars for a couple of those shitty beers? Here you go, bud.

Okay. Did you see any beers? There you go, bud. There's your 40 bucks. Get the fuck out of here. Wow, Julian, this is fucking... Randy! That was a little Ricky trick.

Randy, wait for me, bud. Thanks, Ricky. This isn't a podcast. This is a fucking, this is a train wreck. How you doing, Buggles? Go see if you can get a squirrel. Rub Randy down with it. Your day is coming, Ricky.

Your fucking day is at hand at night. Well, you know what? You may not have to worry about me, because I might be moving to the fucking center of the parks of the central New York. Listen, you want to know what to do down the middle of Central Park there? Or down Times Square, I mean. Yeah?

There's an all-male review tonight. Thunder from Down Under. You and Randy, you go get set up there. You'll have a great night. I think I will. If Randy'll come back with me instead of hanging around with that shitbag.

Sexy and... Fuck you, Leahy. Sexy and... Get the fuck out of here. Coming soon to a place near you. Going back to jail for Christmas, Rick. Bring it on. I'd love to go back to jail for Christmas. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. I'm not afraid of jail. I'm not afraid of you.

I'm not afraid of anything. Leahy! Except fucking crocodiles. Jesus Christ, boys. Unbelievable. Every time. How do they fucking find us? Can we get back to the fun facts about Central Park? That aren't really that fun. Did you see this too, Ricky? We're in this place here called Chess and Checker House.

So they make these concrete chess tables. So is this a chess or a checker table? Well, it's either one. It's the same board. But it's there permanently and you just bring your own pieces and you can sit here and... Here's a question, Ricky. Have you ever played chess before? I've played with some girls' chess. No, chess with two S's, not a T. Chess.

Uh, yeah, probably. I'm probably good at it. What is it? It's a game of... There's rooks and bishops and kings and queens and shit and pawns. No, you've never played. Have you ever played? I've played it lots of times. I think I did play it in jail. There's no way. Chets, right?

You got horses here or here, and then you got bishops, king, queen... Knights. Knights, rooks out on the end, and then pawns across the front. I know I must have played it because I remember some people saying, we're in a chess match right now. That's the only thing you remember about it?

No, that was- No, that was a standoff. That was a standoff. With Cyrus in a gunfight. See, Buds, you should have been thinking. We should have had a chess set up, a game. I could have kicked your ass. I would have beat both your asses, but... Checkers...

As if you guys together could fucking even come close to beating me. No one's touching me in checkers. I beat the Russian kid. Which Russian kid? The guy that was the champ of the world. I beat him at a bar. You didn't. Whatever's...

You fucking didn't beat him. I beat him at a bar. You didn't. You orgy, whatever's... Yorgy. You fucking didn't beat him. I beat him at a bar, but no cameras were rolling, so there's no proof of it. Bullshit. You beat him off. Bullfucking shit, bubs. Just joking, bubs. Ricky, I didn't beat off Blue.

Oh, you beat him off. No, I didn't. That sounds more like it. No, I didn't. There's a place in here called Sheep Meadow, boys, and it was actually... Sheep Meadow? Sheep Meadow, like a meadow. And at one point, it was all full of... Did you say Sheep Meadow called Sheep Meadow, boys. And it was actually... Sheep Meadow? Sheep Meadow. Like a meadow.

And at one point it was all fully... Did you say Sheep Meadow or Sheep Meadow? Sheep. How the fuck would you make meadow out of sheep? This place used to have like tons of sheep running around. Oh, listen to this, boys. There's a secret Christmas tree in the park. Hidden in the wilds of the Ramble, there's a Christmas tree where people go to hang mementos

of pets who have passed. Well, it's not a fun... We gotta find that. There's probably all kinds of, like... It's not a secret Christmas tree if they're telling you about it, is it? Bubz, we're not gonna go find this fucking Christmas tree. I think we should because there's probably all kinds of, like, kitty ornaments. Bubz, I'm not wasting my time in New York looking for a stupid fucking Christmas tree with dead animal ornaments on it.

Okay? It's not a Christmas tree anyway, it's a dead animal tree. Two different things. Exactly. Why do we even want it? Like, who cares? It's other people's fucking pets. Well, they should be respected and paid tribute to.

Probably fucking. The kitties at least. Probably stinks. What? They don't hang the fucking pets on it, Ricky. Oh, Jesus, Ricky. That would be fucked if they did. I'll tell you, Rick, you know what? Well, no kidding. You think there's a big tree with fucking 900,000 dogs

hanging off of it? Like I said, it'd probably fucking stink if they did. And I'm glad they don't, so... Rotten dog carcasses? Ricky, you gotta think a bit more before you say shit, man. I'm telling you. Okay, well, guess what? I'm not gonna talk anymore.

That's probably a good thing. Oh, nothing to do that. Okay, start it now. More than 20 million people came to see a neurotic polar bear named Gus. See that weird... Okay, I'm not supposed to talk. I'm just gonna say that's weird sexual shit. Why?

If you fucking... What? What? You said came. Watching a polar bear? Ricky, no. They visited this park to come see the fucking bear. It was neurotic, man. It was doing figure eights all day, all night. The word came to me and I fucked it up. I'm not gonna talk tomorrow. Why? When I said 20 million people came to see a polar bear. Okay, I missed. All I heard was 20 million people came.

And then polar bear. So? I'm not totally fucked in the head. Jesus Christ. Okay, you know what? You guys keep talking. Because every time I open my mouth, I guess I'm not totally fucking the head. Jesus Christ. Okay, you know what? You guys keep talking. Because every time I open my mouth, I guess I'm dumb. Well, people are gonna have, like, what, a massive fucking Jackfest? Just come see this fucking bear? That's why I thought it was weird sexual shit.

And I'm glad it's not. The poor bear. No wonder they had to put him on Prozac. His name was Gus, and he used to do a figure eight. And everybody came to see, oh, look how cute it is. He was fucking insane. Big time. That's why he was do a figure eight, and everybody came to see, oh, look how cute it is. He was fucking insane. Big time. That's why he was doing a figure eight.

He lost his goddamn mind because he was trapped. That's why you shouldn't have fucking animals like that. Exactly. They've got to be free-range. And he's a polar bear. He's not supposed to be living here. He's supposed to be out in the fucking snow, running around banging lady polar bears. If I knew about that, I would have come and got the fucker out. Broke him out. How would you break out a pole?

Unbelievable, Ricky. Just don't worry about it. What's he, in a cage? So you need one of those big fucking metal saws. And strings probably not tough. Big chain. Maybe some claw cuffs so he can't claw you. And just fucking lead him right out of here in the middle of the night.

Claw cuffs. Is his butt, is he still alive, Gus? I don't think so. I'm more interested on where you live. Because I would actually pay for some chains and some claw cuffs or whatever the fuck they are. I'm interested where you think you would get a, go buy a pair of claw cuffs for a fucking polar bear.

They must make them. How the fuck did they get here in the first place? They were getting clawed. I mean... They drugged them. You'd go to a handcuff place and say, OK, bud, time to take her up a notch. I need something way fucking bigger than normal handcuffs. I need claw cuffs for a polar bear.

So do you mean they still just go around his wrists and he still has his claws? Or do they actually fit over the claws? You have to put some leather or something over those fucking things, too, so maybe claw cuffs... Leather. ...claw gloves. Then they could attach. Maybe like a little Hannibal Lecter mask

to put over his face so he doesn't eat you. That's a fucking great idea, actually. I never thought about it. Jesus Christ. So to transport a polar bear, you think the most efficient thing to do would be go to a handcuff shop, get them to fabricate a giant pair of cuffs

to go around his wrists, put leather gloves on him that attach to the cuffs. And a hand of Electromax. And a hand of Electromax. So he doesn't eat you. Instead of just shooting him with a tranquilizer and putting him in a cage. The first thing off the top of my... what's the expression? Off the top of your head.

The first thing I thought about. See, that's why you gotta think about maybe the second thing and then speak, Ricky. I'm not speaking anymore. Well, you know what I think we should do? I can't speak, so I don't know. Go to a bar and get drunk? No, we should take a handsome cab ride. Get in the horse and carriage and we drive around and they give us a cab ride.

Handsome cab, it's called. Handsome cab. Like on Seinfeld. You know, when they got in the thing and the horse takes you through the park and you wear a blanket and we all drink hot chocolate? Sounds like you want to bang a handsome cab driver in the cab. That's what it sounds like. Why's it called handsome cab? I don't fucking know. I never named it that.

I'm not getting into a handsome cab. Fuck that. That was just made up, Ricky, because Kramer fed him the fucking can of ravioli that he was getting for cheap at Costco. That's why the thing was farting. That doesn't actually happen. I think they put big shit catchers on them, actually.

That's a good idea. I wonder what they'd do with it afterwards, because it'd be good fertilizer. Yes, it would be. Look, boys, it's starting to get dark. Well, maybe it's time to fucking go. Too smelly. I smell weed. Oh, I would be. Look, boys, it's starting to get dark. Well, maybe it's time to fucking go. What'd you smell? I smell weed. Oh, I smell weed. Where the fuck is that coming from?

It's coming from this way. I smell weed, too. Which way is the wind blowing? This way. Piss on my finger. Piss on your finger? What? Isn't that how you tell where the wind's blowing?

You don't piss on your finger to tell the... You wet your finger and then whichever way you feel... Why would you piss on it? Just put it in your mouth. Lick it. Fuck, I never thought of that. Jesus Christ, Ricky. You've been pissing on it the whole time? Yeah, it's coming this way. I bet it's that fucking guy right here.

You can feel it coming this way, Ricky. You don't gotta piss on your finger to tell where the fucking wind's blowing. It works. You can hold a piece of string, too tell where the fucking wind's blowing. It works. You can hold a piece of string, too, like that. That's a good idea. How many times have you pissed on your finger to test the wind direction? More than seven, less than ten.

Jesus. Smells good. I bet you it's that guy that's coughing. Yeah, there's somebody coughing over there. All right, is there any more facts, bubs? Well, there's not. Or can we just leave? Here's the one. You can totally make a salad for free just by pecking stuff up on the ground.

Well, we already said that. Ricky did say that. That was smart. It's December 11th. Maybe some famous stuff happened in history in this city. Some bad shit with the planes and buildings. No, Ricky, that wasn't December 11th. Yes, it was.

September 11th. Fuck. It rhymes. It rhymes and what? It rhymes, so that's why I thought that. Rhymes. September, December. So does November. I guess now that I think about it, but September and December sound a lot alike.

No, Rick. Okay, so not December 11th terror. It's not the terror of the day. Don't even bring that up, man. That was years ago. Okay, you're fucked up. I'm not supposed to be talking and I keep fucking up. I can't stop. Well, there's a list of things I'd like to go see that I could talk about. Like what? Well, right over here is the Museum of Natural History. We could go over there.

Ricky, you should see. They got actual full-size dinosaurs in there. Bullshit. Well, they're bones, I mean. There's no such thing as dinosaurs. Well, not anymore, but there was. Was there, though? Yes. Okay.

What do you mean? Are you questioning the existence of dinosaurs now? Conspiracy theory people sometimes say that they didn't really... It didn't really happen, that people made it up. Who's saying that? Show off to get them into the fucking museums. They found the fucking skeletal remains, the fossils, man. They could have also built them and then buried them and then,

ooh, look at me, I'm so... They built them. They built them. They found the fucking things. Scientists have carbon dated the fucking things and, I mean, they can test the DNA and everything. They're actual dinosaurs. You can get people to say anything for fucking the right price. I'm not saying it didn't happen.

I'm just saying it didn't necessarily for sure happen. Without seeing them roaming around. More I mean, Ricky, by that fucking, by that merit, then nothing officially happened. Like, we might not even be sitting here. All right. Good point. I don't really understand it, but... You know what else they have in there?

Fucking night suits. Real night suits from the medieval times. That shit, I'm pretty sure that was real. I've heard about that shit. It's scary. And I've seen movies where it was real, so, yeah, that stuff's real. So all it takes for you to believe something's real... What about Jurassic Park? Have you not seen that? That's about dinosaurs.

I know, but I... I don't know. There's parts of it that seem real, but... You know what? It scared the fuck out of me so bad that I just blocked it out of my mind, so it's not really real to me now, because it's been blocked. Bubs, I can't take this anymore, man. Right over here, boys, on 72nd Street,

Central Park West, is the Dakota Building. Like, it's right there. I'm definitely going there. That's where poor John Lennon got shot. You're not gonna- Oh really? That sucks man. That's sad. We're not doing all this shit man. We're only here for short periods of- I'm going to see where John Lennon lives. Oh you're gonna stand there for three hours and just look at the fucking sidewalk.

That's what you're gonna do. The old man said we should check out a place called Tits and Grits. Tits and Grits? Yeah, I guess they got really good grits and nice tits. Big ones. Well, let's go there because they probably sell booze. So we could get some weed and... So rather than go see, like, the Museum of Natural History or...

Lane? You know, where John Lennon used to live? No. Where he met his untimely demise, you would rather go to a place called Tits and Grits? I'm kinda hungry. Bubs, the last time we were in London... Yeah, a little bit horny. You spent seven hours at Abbey Road looking at the fucking crosswalk. to a place called Tits and Grits. I'm kinda hungry. Pups, the last time we were in London,

you spent seven hours at Abbey Road looking at the fucking crosswalk. We're not gonna do the same thing here. Well, there's other things I wanna see. What about going down to the theater, you know, the Ed Sullivan Theater? And do what? And do what? That's where David Letterman used to be.

Cole Bear's there now. What are you gonna do when you get there? Just look at the building? I'm gonna look at it, get my picture, get my picture taken. You said Letterman used to be there, and now it's a cold bear, like... No, Stephen Colbert's show.

He took over the... Late show with David Letterman. No, so he's not a bear then? No, Ricky, he's a man. I thought you meant a cold bear, like a cold water bear, like a polar bear. All right, you know what? You know what this means right now? This means it's time for us to go. Okay?

We gotta go to, like, Times Square at least. I'll go there, sure. Baked. I will go there, as long as we get a few drinks. Lights are fucking more fun when you're baked. How about I meet you guys? You can go grab your little handsome cabbie, bang him all the way to Times Square, whatever the fuck you're gonna do,

and I'll meet you guys there. How's that? Handsome cab, get him to find some handsome dope, maybe go to Tits and Grits for one titty show, grits, and then we'll go... I'll meet you right in that corner, Fer, with all the fucking lights and the stairs. Is this over already? Good luck.

I'm done. Fuck's sakes, we didn't get to do one thing that I wanted to do. What did you want to do? I want to go, I want to go to the Empire State Building and get up on the needle. I thought that fucking, isn't that one of the ones that came down? No, that's the one King Kong went up. Oh, fuck, okay, I'd like to see that. Wonder if it still has fuckin' gorilla claw marks on it.

What, did they fix all the damage? Ricky, you know King Kong's not real, right? Not anymore, it was they fuckin' killed the poor son of a bitch. Fuckin' one giant girl in the world, and they fuckin' kill him with a goddamn machine gun and airplanes and shit. It's fucked. Anyway, I'll go there and see where he used to live.

Okay, let's go down and see if there's still gorilla claw marks. See? Alright. We can go have some fun. This is a good city. Just gotta find some good dope and we'll have fun. Feeling good. Alright. Just make sure I fall asleep here tonight. I wanna see what it's like to sleep here. Here, you sign off, Ricky.

For podcast number... Fuck, how the fuck did I... 19, 19. For podcast number 1919, December the fucking 11th, 2015, the year of our goddamn Lord, fuck off..