Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 19 - The Popcorn Boys

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Get ready for a messy Park After Dark - the Boys are baked as f**k today! Learn all about Spider Man's radioactive load, how to make a fortune from popcorn and sh**ty old jeans, and why 500,000 sharks are about to get f**ked over by the 'Rona. Also: Killer licorice!

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Oh, there we go. Too big. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody knows the troubles I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrows.

What? Isn't this much better, man? I'm too big, boys. I must be too, man. I'm trying to fucking laugh and reading this joke book and not one fucking joke has made me laugh. Alright, what's the joke? It's a joke book about your mama. Ehhh. No, it is.

Alright, tell us a fucking joke, man. This is how dumb these ones are. I gotta drink myself down. Your mama is so stupid that she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining. Not funny. Ma, kinda cute. It's not bad. Read me another one.

Your mama is so stupid it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. Get it? Your mama is so stupid that she tried to drown a fish. Drown him in the air. Your mama is so fat that she walked into the gap and filled it. She walked into a what? The gap walked into the gap and filled it. She walked into a what? The gap. The gap?

And filled it. Get it? Oh, I thought you meant the store, the gap. It did mean that, didn't it? It did? Well, it wouldn't just be a gap in the ground. Then it wouldn't be funny. It would be tragic.

Yeah, these are fucking terrible. I thought you would like that book, Ricky. Those seem like jokes that are right up your alley, though. Your mom is so fat, the National Weather Service names each of her farts. Wow. Keep reading, man. Keep reading. It's pretty good.

Yeah, they're not bad. Pretty good jokes. I mean, I wouldn't head down to Yuck Yucks and hop on stage, you know what I mean, with those jokes, but... These are fucking terrible. I don't know, Ricky. I'm too big to decide if I'm funny or not. Your mama is so skinny she can hang glide off a Dorito. Hang glide off a Dorito.

Terrible. Your mama is so dirty that she makes mud look clean. There we go. That one's good for your mama. Why? Because she's filthy. Why would you say that, man? Slutty.

What? What? Slutty. But. She likes to, you know, she likes, she likes when cars go in the mud. Well, you've never even met my mom, so you guys can both fuck off.

She likes it in the mud, eh, Ricky? She likes it in the mud. What do you mean by that? I don't know. What does it mean? I don't know. Boys, we've got gotta stop getting so high. No.

Just embrace it, bud. It's much easier, you know what? It is much easier to live like Ricky, let me tell you. You don't give a fuck about anything. You just get high all day. I think we should stop staying up all fucking night. We should start sleeping regular hours. You're saying this.

I think it'd be good for us to try. I tried to fucking go to sleep at 3 o'clock last night. You're the one that stayed up. The music was sounding good. The drugs were tasting lovely. There you go. So it's your fucking fault, man. Sing this with me.

If you start earlier. I'm gonna get high all day. Gonna get high all day. Gonna get high all day. Sing it. Gonna get high all day. You know how to sing it, man. Check this out, man.

It's your dick bro. Bonjour. Bonjour. I this out, man. It's your dick bro. Bonjour. I am Boubert. Boubert? Ah, fuck. Oh, yeah. Oh, boys, we're doing the show. We're rolling.

Welcome to the show. Dark After Park. That's a good one. It doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. I forgot I got some good ones last night. Did you? When we stayed up, yeah. What'd you get?

Uh, I don't know. I don't want to talk about any of this yet. Smallmouth bass. Smallmouth bass? What? You okay, man? I don't know why I said that. What about this one? small mouth bass what you okay man I don't know why I said that what about this one

Gucci pants huh what the fuck is up with you guys I don't know what does that you know speaking of which

Gucci pants you know what they're doing they're coming out with jeans that look like they're fucking worn to shit with stains and shit on them like grass stains and they're doing? They're coming out with jeans that look like they're fucking worn to shit

with stains and shit on them, like grass stains, and they're selling them for like $700,000. People are buying the fucking thing. You should go fucking raid Jacob's closet. That's what I'm saying. How many pairs of cords does he have with grass stain news? Dressing dirty is cool now. The $700 fucking jeans, that's the cheapest?

Fuck. How many pairs of grass-stained fucking jeans does he have? And Corey. Everybody. Everybody's got fucking grass-stained pants. Why'd you say Gucci pants? Is that what you meant? That's what, who's selling them, man, for $700.

Okay. Plus, that's the low end. And why'd you say small-mouthed boss? Yeah, what happened there? No idea. Okay. No clue. Were you thinking about things you want to bang? No, because I would have said largemouth. Get it? Never fit it in a small mouth bass, I don't think. I better drink myself down. A little bit.

Yeah, you know what? I'm pretty high. Yeah! No shit. It's good, I guess, but it's weird. I'm gonna get high all day. I'm gonna get high all day. You know what it is? It's because you're high that makes me feel like, you know what? I'm high and happy. Before, I'm taking walks.

Now, look at me. Do you want some fun? Stick your hand in there. I'm not putting my hand anywhere near it. Put your hand in there. Why would I want to touch your nipple? Put your hand in there. Okay.

No, that's not your hand. What's in there? I'm not telling you unless you stick your fingers in there, Ricky. That's probably some weird poisonous spider. Why would he be rocking around with a fucking poisonous spider?

Like, where would he find it? Number one, there's not around imported wood. Do you know how dangerous that would be? Fuck's sakes, to have a poisonous spider and keep him in your pocket. He'd be a good trick to play on something.

Where is he? I'm going to put your foot in there. Oh, fuck, he got me. Poisonous. What was the kid's name in school that got bit by that spider and he never got right since? That was fucking Jerry.

What did you say did i just miss something i think he's talking about spider-man what what the are you talking about yeah it could be. I don't know. Is that where Spider-Man came from? Is that who you're talking about, Ricky? I thought it was a guy in high school.

Got bit by a spider. Never got right since. Oh, you're talking about Spider-Man. He got bit by a spider. He's never been right since. Is that why he spins webs? Spider-Man. Yeah. Ricky, he that why he spins webs? Spider-Man! Ricky, he got bit by a radioactive spider. Didn't know that.

Hey, you know what? They did release a Spider-Man, I think it's a comic, where he fucking shot like a load, okay? It was like acid or something, it was, I gotta fucking find the story because I can't.

Me trying to explain it right now, not good. So that's one of his other weapons. Peter Parker shot an acid load. Yeah, and it was because someone fucked it over or something. And it was at a girl he was dating. Did he shoot it out of his wrist? Or you mean he blasted it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't shoot loads out of your wrist. Spider-Man could. It was radioactive load. What are you talking about? I don't know, man. How come it didn't protect... This is just a fantasy you had. No, it isn't.

No, I read this, man. How come it didn't... It's a fantasy you had about Peter Parker. If it was radioactive load, it would burn him up inside, wouldn't it? No, man. Or is it in a protective coating? Not if he's got lead-coated nuts. Radioactive. Yeah.

What are you searching, radioactive load? Load. I'm telling you, man, they released this. I can't wait to see what comes up. And he was seeing this chick who was another superhero. Ah, there's no fucking internet in here. Oh, you. That's impossible.

Well. I paid the here. Oh, you. That's impossible. Well. I paid the bill. Bull fucking shit. Radio active load. I think you just had a fantasy about Peter Parker. No, man. No. I'm sure.

I'm sure. I'm sure. Radio active load. No, it was like a comic. It was a series. It was too released. It was a dream you had. I think it was a Spider-Man dream.

Kneeling right over your face. See, I got a foot. You know what? I'm not leaving until I find this fucking story. It might have been a dream. It was not a dream. You and Peter Parker went on a date. And he was kneeling on your chest.

You got him hurt and he was pissed off about it. He had a radioactive load right on your face. No, man. This was not... You guys are No, man. This was not... You guys are fucked, man. I'm not listening to you guys. I think that... So here's something fucked. You're trying to get this

vaccine going to save people. They're saying that they might kill a half million sharks to fucking... for this vaccine. What? Yeah. Sharks? They contain squalene or squalene. It's a natural oil used as medicine and increases the effectiveness of vaccine. How many sharks?

Half a million. That's a lot. Oh my god that's a lot. Fucking sharks are not doing good these days. 500,000 sharks? Population's down 90% Fucking people eating shark fin soup and other bullshit. Yeah, shark load shooters. Shark load shoes? Shooters. Weird thing to make shoes out of. Are those alligator skin shoes you're wearing? No, shark load. I bet they'd be fucking expensive.

Well, how would they even go on your feet, Ricky? Would it be like dried up, hardened, and then sculpted into a shoe, or would it just be liquid shoes? Yeah, maybe. No, it probably forms like a little gelatin. Oh, so it wasn't just a fantasy. Nope. And he killed Mary Jane with it.

Mary Jane? Yep, with radioactive sperm. Fuck, I found the story, man. Now you can beat off to it. Fuck you. All right, yeah, here we go. This is it. So this is a real fucking comic.

It's a comic. Yeah. Not something so... Oh, I thought you said it was in a movie. That was the comic, man. Oh, I thought you thought it was in a Spider-Man movie. And I'm like, there's no way he was blowing radioactive loads. Yeah, kills Mary Jane with radioactive sperm.

Here we go. This is it. Maybe this is just something a fan wrote. Exactly. No, man. No, no, no. He was poisoned with radioactivity shit. Do you know what's a fucking perk? How you been poisoned?

Hey, how... How you been poisoned with radioactivity? Wow. Your body slowly became riddled with cancer. Fan stories. Did we do LSD or mushrooms? We're fucked.

I don't know. This is like weird shit. You know, there's a fucking place in Littlecock, Arkansas, where you can actually go and find diamonds. It's like a diamond park. This cocksucker on the weekend found a nine carat diamond. What's that worth? Don't know, but we should go.

Smallmouth bass! Gucci pants. You get like fish Tourette's. Yeah, man. Fish Tourette's. That'd be a funny reflection to have, wouldn't it? Be annoying. Painful addict.

Oh yeah, and back to the virus. Birch, birch. This fucking dog's at the airport now in Helsinki and they sniff your neck sweat. See if you got COVID. Oh yeah, they're doing that, eh? 95% fucking... That's pretty crazy. Wish I was a dog. A dog.

I could sniff like that. You could sniff COVID? Be good. You'd be safe. Just go around sniffing people's necks. Oh, you're good. Yeah, but how did they teach them this? This is what I'd like.

How? Because they let them sniff people with COVID, and then they give them a treat if they bark. So COVID makes your sweat smell different, I guess. So hopefully, well, how many of these dogs are getting the COVID? Huh? All that training, they sniff away, and then boom. Yeah, it's probably COVID dogs for sure.

Poor fuckers. Yeah, I think they can carry it, can't they? Flounder. You got to stop that, man. Fish to rats. Medical condition. All right, what else you got for us here, man? What was that?

Cocksucker Massachusetts? Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Mass of two shits. There we go. Anyway, this man in Mass of Two Shits, he overdosed on black licorice. Yeah. And died?

Fucking died. Yeah, don't be eating black licorice, man. I love black licorice. How much do you have to eat? Glycerohizacin, acid, something like that. It causes your potassium levels to plummet. Plummet, I guess, means go down. Big time.

Black licorice. Yeah. Not good for you, man. Cause fucking heart failure and a bunch of other shit and blood pressure. Boom. Bye-bye. But how much do you have to eat? You was eating a pack a day.

Well, that's a lot. That's not a lot of life. Outrageous. I thought you were going to say like 30 pounds. Like a big pack of black licorice. You just said a pack a day. I don't know how big the fucking pack is. Well, I doubt it's like one of the little, you know, chocolate bars.

No, it's probably a pack. Moves your size. Yeah, he's probably, I mean, that's a lot of lecherous boys. Yeah. Jesus, Murph. That shouldn't fucking kill you. No, you wouldn't think it would, but I mean. Anyway, don't eat a bunch of glycerin or coca-cocas.

No, I just, I mean, I eat those, you know, those candy cigars, the lecherous cigars. I love those with the red sprinkles for the fire. You know what you start eating? Popcorn. More popcorn. No, popcorn's not good for you. No, you can get... What are you talking about? Popcorn's not good for you.

Corn! Are you fucking kidding me, man? You think popcorn's good for you? Well, you can get it real cheap right now. I'm just saying, because the movie theater's fucking out of business and shit. Yeah. What do you mean it's real cheap? It's cheap.

You can buy like 30, 50 pound bags if you want. Yeah, old, unused popcorn. It's still fucking fresh. It lasts like two years. And then we can get into the popcorn dealing business. That's what I'm saying. People fucking love popcorn around here. The theaters open up again. They'll be like, fuck, we can't into the popcorn dealing business. That's what I'm saying. People fucking love popcorn around here. Some theaters open up again and be like, fuck, we can't find any popcorn.

We're like, whoosh. Come talk to us, boys. We're the popcorn boys. That's a good idea, man. Popcorn. We could dress you up in a butter suit. You could be Bubbles the buttery guy. You know what I mean?

For the popcorn. The butter man. That'd be awesome. I think we're too fucked. How does the sound hit go, Ricky? The sound bite? We're the popcorn boys. Yeah.

Butterman. We've got to start selling popcorn. In huge amounts. What does a butter suit look like? Like overkill them big bags like a popcorn. Five bucks. Garbage bag full. Well, where do we get it all?

Order it online, man. I'm going to do it right now. We're going to business. We're the Popcorn Boys. We're in the popcorn business. This is awesome. No internet. We're the Popcorn Boys.

I'll use my phone. Fuck. Okay. We should I'm laughing really hard It's the popcorn boys We're the popcorn boys This cocksucker

Reagan Who? Oregon Oregon Oregon yeah He sounded her out He blew his bag off Whoa Oregon, yeah? Oregon. He sounded her out. He blew his bag off.

Whoa. Who did? This man in Oregon. He was in the grocery store just showing his buddy his new Glock he bought. He's like, yeah, man. Check it out. Poor fucker. Blew his own bag off right in the grocery store.

Ricky, how many times have you almost blown your bag off? Quite a few. You nicked it before too. Oh it was more than a nick. You had to sew me back up. No, that was when Mo shot you in the back. Yeah. But you almost blown your nuts off several times. Yeah, how many times have you had tubes hanging out the side of your sack? That's like, that's PTSD shit, man. Once is enough. I'd be freaking out. I'm just glad I couldn't see it. This is a doozy.

And this is fucking true. Fuck. This Vietnamese condom factory, they got caught recycling condoms. They were buying fucking condoms. Get the fuck out of here. Used condoms, washing them out, repackaging the fucking things. 320,000. That is fucked up.

320,000. 320,000 used condoms. Washed condoms. Like, imagine having that job. So, where at? Vietnam? Mm-hmm. Just a second.

Just a sec. It's going by. Next time you're going there, you should bring your own condoms, I guess. Where would they get them all? They must have had a deal with, like... Brothels. They had a deal with the brothels. Yeah.

Don't throw out your garbage. But condoms can't be that expensive to make, can they? I wouldn't think so. Less than balloons. They're thinner than balloons. Anyway, they charged the fucking president, who was female. That's a fucking weird one, man. Jesus. Just imagine having that job. Washing old dirty loads of condoms.

There's no way you'd get everything out. I'd like to apply for a job. Oh, yes. How are you hosing out condoms? You've got to get the live feed of the court. Imagine going to court and watching that fucking case go down. We should follow that case. So, Ricky, if you did that for a year,

and then there was a new job coming up, you know, where you were going to apply, but you needed something on your resume that had some kind of work experience, would you put that on your resume? And if so, what would you... You'd have to word it really smartly. Like, how would you word it?

You mean to conceal it? Condom restoration. I don't know. I was in the restoration business. Prophylactic restoration. Yeah. Engineer. There you go.

It sounds pretty fancy. I was a prophylactic restoration engineer for six months in Vietnam. Oh, wow. Mr. Mr. LaFleur, this sounds very, so you worked overseas. Yes, I worked in Japan or in Vietnam as an engineer,phylactic reconstruction engineer. Wow. Very impressive. You know what our goal should be today? Make 50 bucks.

Make 80 bucks. That's all we need. I like how it started at 50. Well, 80. We need. For what? 50 pounds of popcorn. You're talking less than 80 bucks.

All right. And then how are we popping it? On the fucking stove. Do you know how long it'll take to pop 80 fucking pounds? Build a fucking bonfire. Go get a pair of fucking Jacob's jeans and let's make this dream come true. That is a dream.

Pups. It's a goal. Popcorn boys and we got Gucci jeans. It's been a dream, bubs. It's a goal. Popcorn Boys. The Popcorn Boys and we got Gucci jeans. It's been a dream since when? About eight minutes ago? Yeah, that's how it starts. Oh, so you just had a dream, did ya? Last dream I know you had was Peter Parker

shooting loads on your neck. That wasn't my dream. That was not my dream. And it was fucking, it was legit. Radioactive loads all over your neck. That was not my dream. And it was fucking, it was legit. Radioactive bones all over your neck. You'd be dead. And then the COVID dog over here is going to sniff it out. You wouldn't want to swallow one of those.

I did see on the internet these fucking dudes. You know what? We go to Lawrence Town Beach. We get a bunch of sand, we make like a dome, right? Okay? Yeah. Listen to me. A dome. A dome. Sand dome. Get some cans, melt the cans down, make a big fucking bowl. Step by step. Oh, you're just trying to make a big Jeffy Pop. I've made one out of emergency blankets. Oh fuck man. I made one out of emergency blankets and a barrel and a gallon of canola oil. I made a Jeffy Pop.

Why didn't you tell me this? I forgot all about it. I thought we were gonna get into something cool here. Didn't know you were making a big popcorn fucking cauldron. It is a popcorn cauldron. Why wouldn't we make one? We should make one out of a keg. First we have to drink said keg.

What did the keg say? Said. He said said. Oh, he said said keg. I don't know what the keg is. Said ke he said said keg. I don't know what keg. Said keg? Said keg. Well, I'm going to get inside you, said canola oil.

Oh, wow. Wheels kind of came off today, didn't they? Yeah. This cocksucker's probably gonna be rich He's suing Starbucks Because scalding tea Disfigured his genitals Holy fuck

They were handing him the tea And the lid popped off through the drive-thru And fucking tea went everywhere And he couldn't get out because it was too close to the drive-thru window He just sat there and cocked I guess it fucked his penis, his scrotum, his peritoneum. His peritoneum.

And his buttocks. His tank got burnt. Burnt to fuck. Like burnt, burnt. Like fucking scarred burnt. Disfigured, I think it said. Disfigured his scrotum, I believe were the words I read.

Jesus, that poor bastard. Disfigured scrotum. What would that look like? From a fucking cup, a thing of coffee. What would happen to it? He melted it away or what happened? I don't know because they're already sort of disfigured, aren't they? Yeah, it's like, what the fuck?

I got a little scar down there on it, like a... No, I'm thinking it. Like a big bubble. No, I think it was the shaft that was disfigured. Yeah, that's a tough one. It looks like an old corn husk. As long as you can still use it and you got a good payday. Yeah, but if it looks like an old corn husk. As long as you can still use it and you got a good payday.

Yeah, but if it looks like an old corn husk, Ricky, you're not going to, you're going to have, you know, have no confidence anymore. Just skip the foreplay. People will want to see it, man. Think about it. It's been in the news. They were like, okay, how bad is it?

Yeah, but you don't want to be known for that. Oh, look, it's still fucking crispy cock himself. Got out his wiener like the bobbick dude. Yeah, but he was never the same. He got paid a few bucks to be in a porno with his crooked cock. No, but I heard it had

quite a hawk in it. After they sold her back on because a dog chewed part of it off or something. What? When it was off in the field, didn't a dog have it chewing on it? I didn't hear about that. No, man.

I think you were just dreaming about that. Fuck. Man, you dream about weird things. I do. I do. I do, dude. I dream about cocks and dogs chewing on it. And you don't like dogs, but you like cocks. I do. I do, dude. Cocks. Dogs chewing on it. You fuck.

And you don't like dogs, but you like cocks. Swallowing radioactive loads out in a yacht. Peter Parker. Rainbow trout. See, it's catching. Whoa. It's one of your fucking idols' birthday today, buddy boy. Great.

Who is it? Stallone. Schwarzenegger. Slazy. Think high voice and sexy. Michael Jackson. Sting. What?

What is who? Sting. Sting. Oh. Do you remember your sting phase? Shut up, man. I did not. I think everybody had a stinging phase, didn't they?

Back in the day? Used to sing... Gordon Sumner. That's his name. Gordon Sumner. He was a school teacher. He turned 69 today, I think it is. Oh, your favorite when you're thinking about Sting.

I think if you make it to 69, you automatically should have a 69 on your 69th birthday and then have one every night for your whole year. You've earned it. The year that you're 69, you get the 69 every day. That'd be awesome. I'm a big fan of the 69, I have to say. So is he, he did all kinds of,

whether it's Kama Sutra shit, you know, he's like a, he's. Sting. He's a banger. Oh, Sting can fuck. He's into banging for long periods's a banger oh sting can he's in the bag for long periods of time yeah stings no hours and hours he's known for it wow yeah so this is a good year for him the year of the 69. yeah i hope i live to see 69. I doubt it. I might have to. There's a barber.

There's a barber still cutting hair. The cocksucker's 107. Bullshit. Is he still 69? I don't know, Ricky. He's way older than 69. Imagine being 69 and then you're like, oh, I'm going to live another 40 years, 50 years.

That'd be great. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. That'd be crazy. Imagine the fucking crazy drugs we'll have in 40 or 60 years from now. That's all you can think about, eh, is how crazy the drugs will be. Whoo! Yeah. All right.

I probably should have a nap. I think we all should. I think I'm going to have a nap. And then we've got gotta make 80 bucks. That's all we gotta do. So nap, but think about trying to make some money. It's the jeans, man. Please.

The jeans.