Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 2 - Ricky The Bonzai King

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Poor Bubbles is feeling pretty f**ked thanks to the 'rona! Once he wakes up, the Boys discuss a green idea for a new business, how to arrest a killer sheep, and a totally f**ked taste test. Also: Ricky reads his beautiful new poem, 'The Wind Is A C**t'!

It's a little smoky in here, huh? What the fuck is wrong with that? I'm not saying anything, man. I'm just saying this is a smoky fucking room. Alright, well, you made your point, I guess. Welcome to the perk after dark. The stoned edition. It's always the stoned edition, isn't it? Bubz is in a trance.

Bubz. Breathe it in, Bubz. Breathe it in, buddy. Nice big breath. Come on. Jesus Christ, man. All big breath. Come on. Jesus Christ, man. Alright, pups. We have to fucking do perk after dark, bud.

Did I doze off? You were snoozing. You were snoring, man. Well, that's what happens. Are you high right now? Give us a high level. Out of ten. I can't measure it. Can't be measured.

How you feeling, man? Don't know. Why am I sitting like this? You've been a little fucked this week. Can't tell, yeah. You had the hiv. Yeah. Oh, Bubblers had the old hiv. I didn't have the hiv. You had the HIV? Yeah. All bubblers had the old HIV.

I didn't have the HIV. I had the VID. You had the VID? Not the HIV, that's the HIV. Oh yeah, that's true. I don't have that. Big fuck. Yeah, I had the COVID.

And you, uh, wasn't very kind to you? Nope. Well, I'm glad you fucking battled that cocksucker. Now we're all good. Now we're all fucking superheroes. Yeah, I had the sore throat. That's what I had. So you haven't been sucking on anything lately, huh?

Because of the sore throat? Lozenges. Okay. Popsicles? Or lozengers, as Ricky calls them. Popsicles? You've been eating the popsicles? I had some popsicles.

Did you have any cock? Okay, there we go. A little fucking joke for you, buddy. I know you don't take the cock. Supposedly, if you put a hard cock in the freezer and then suck it on, it helps. That's what they say. It would have to be misted with water for it to have any effect whatsoever you'd have to if it was just in there well couldn't you eat like some pudding or something lube it all up what are we talking about right now?

I don't know, but it hasn't even been five minutes. Get off your cocks and mouths already. Ricky, right out of the blue, you suggested putting a cock in a freezer. That's right. He said, do you have any cock? You fucking said put the cock in the freezer, which is ridiculous.

After you put it in the game. That's my fault, I guess. Hurt my wrist, too too don't know wow jack and no see there we go again i wasn't i've been busy this cold uh this little session no it's first of all it's my left hand so it's not that i just it's clicking that's uh called something oh yeah it's clicking it's not that. I just... it's clickin'. That's called something. Oh yeah, it's clickin'. It's called something. Click wrist.

Tendinitis, maybe? Tennis wrist. Hear that? Oh yeah, that was a fucking good one. It sounded like you snapped her. She's clickin' big. You gotta go to one of those chiropractors, man. She needs a new ball joint! You can fucking snap your back and everything, man.

I've been to a chiropractor. I need to go one, man. You should learn how to do that shit. It would have to be a gorilla chiropractor. I want to go to a pyropractor. A pyropractor? Sets some fires. What the fuck is that?

A person that sets little fires on your back. Chiropractor. It's kind of like acupuncture. You couldn't go to a regular chiropractor. Why not? They wouldn't be able to manipulate the fucking muscle mass. You're talking crazy. What's the difference between a chiropractor and an accurate puncture?

Totally different practices, Ricky. One's got the needles, man. One puts needles in you. Specific pressure points. Did you ever have that done? I have not. I wonder what that feels like. I'm going to have it done.

I'm going to go try. Let's try sticking a needle in you, man. No, it's not the same. Why not? What's the difference? It's a little CC pin. Because they don't stick big fucking... It's very fine.

It's like... You don't feel them going in. It's not painful. How come you feel a needle when it goes in? Because it's a different type of needle. It's bigger. It's hollow. That's right.

Acupuncture needles are just little fine, like, very sharp. They just go in where they need to be. All right, I'm gonna try it, man. Right there, my shoulder, right? Yeah, try it, man. I'm gonna do it. Do it on the tip of your knob, dude. Fuck, do people get that, though?

Knob-u-puncture? Yeah. I doubt it. There's got to be someone out there doing it, man. Could be just like fucking Viagra. They must probably, but I bet you they've got like bag fucking puncture too. Why would you puncture your bag?

Bag you puncture. Bag you puncture. Okay, I'm going to look that up. What might leak out? Isn't there a bunch of fluid and shit in there? Fucking spaghetti, bud. Bunch of tubes. Not a bunch. Two.

Well, two's a bunch. Feels like there's more than that in there. There's two tubes. One running to each nut. So the nuts are just like little factories. Your vast deferents. Little fish factories. Well, not fish, Ricky.

Wow, you know what? They did a study. Have we started the thing yet? Yes, we have started it. No, we're starting right now. Okay. Everything that was set up until now, cancel it out. Let's restart. Fresh start well no cock how the fuck the scientists figure this shit out man this is about the dolphins no no if you have 10 or more trees on your fucking block where you live

yeah it can make you feel as healthy as someone who's seven years younger. Get the fuck out of here. Oxygen, motherfucker. We're seven years younger. We got fucking 10 trees out there. No, we don't, actually. We're old. Maybe we got to start fucking planting trees. It must be oxygen, isn't it?

I don't know, man. Is it because you look at it and you're like, what a fucking pleasant scenery? I think it makes oxygen. It's like an oxygen fountain. I'm going to get little bonsai trees in my shed. That's what I want, man. I've always wanted a bonsai tree. Well, I'll get you one.

Where are you going to get me a bonsai tree? Amazon. Are you fucking kidding me? You get a bonsai tree on Amazon. From Okinawa, whatever it's called? Okinawa? Okinawa. I it's called? Okinawa? Okinawa. I'd fucking...

That's from Yagi. He's got to be a bonsai. Why is it from an Okinawa tree, then, if it's from Okinawa? Not Okinawa. It's a bonsai. Bonsai. Okinawa. It should be from a bonsai.

Maybe it is from bonsai Okinawa. No, Ricky. Spruce trees aren't from spruce. How much do people pay for one of those little fucking trees? They gotta be expensive. How much do you gotta pay for one? I can't imagine a bonsai tree is more than 30 or 40 bucks. That's something you should get into, man.

Selling them or making them? Making them. You could fucking make one. I could clone the fuck out of a bonsai tree. You know what we gotta do? Christmas time's coming up. Bonsai fucking Christmas trees. Because I don't want a big ass Christmas tree.

I'll be the Bonsai fucking king. Ricky the Bonsai king. New company called. I like that, man. Bonsai king. That's success right there. Trees at a discounted price. And they're little.

But fucking adorable. They're not all adorable. You've got to prune them. That's what I'm saying. He's the fucking pruner. This guy could do it. Oh, I can fucking. How the fuck do you smell bonsai?

You tell me what you want. I'll carve it into it. Bonsai. B-O-N-Z-A-I. Bonsai. He's right. Bonsai tree kit, man. Are you fucking kidding me?

Really? Get out of here. 32 bucks. Yeah. Get out your credit card, bubs. If I could combine a bonsai tree and a weed plant. Hmm. Bonsai weed plant.

Bonsweed. Yeah. Then we'd have a fucking. Now we got a business. Carve a weed plant in the shape of a puppy dog. Weeds eye. Weeds eye. I think we're too big.

No, man. I think we're too big. No, man. Did you hear about that rodeo bull that jumped the fence, charged for the VIP section at the rodeo in California? No, man. Nope, but I'm glad he did. Dude, you love when shit like that happens.

I kind of do, too. It's like, fuck. I love when bulls get revenge. Fucking dick. Several people were hurt. Well, they shouldn't be at a rodeo where they're torturing bulls. They're not torturing. The matadors are the ones that got the fucking problems with the bulls. They spear them with fucking swords.

But why in this day and age do you need to have a fucking rodeo? Because it's fun to fucking hop on a... It's not fun for the bulls. It's fun to stay on, man. Why not? Because... He's getting some exercise. He's not fun for the bull. Try to stay on, man. Why not? He's getting some exercise. He's letting some fucking energy go. Okay, so why don't you let Corey and Jacob run around on your back?

You'd be getting exercise. I don't need it because I'm not a fucking bull. What do bulls do? They sit in their bullpens, do nothing. They fuck. Maybe fuck. And eat. And eat.

It's a pretty good life. That's all you do. Until some asshole comes and says, Hey, you got to go in front of all these people and jump around. Don't let anyone on your back. Bubz, you're thinking the wrong way. The bull gets someone on their back. They're like, I'm going to buck this motherfucker off. They're going to stick my horns in him.

I'm going to mangle this motherfucker. Oh, I like when they do that. Well, there you go. You got to think like the bull. That's what I'm doing. Bring it on. Throw someone on my back. You should have been a bull, man. I'm good at it. I'm You gotta think like the bull. That's what I'm doing. Bring it on. Throw someone on my back. You should have been a bull, man.

I'm good at it. I'm not good at being a fucking bull. I'm not good at being a fucking bull. Jesus, man. You know how they think. I know how they think. Yeah. And you're very good at bullshit.

Maybe I am. You must have a little bull in your DNA. My daddy's got a bit of bull in him. Your mother, your grandfather. And you've ingested bull cum. Oh, no, that was me. No, that was him. Well, that was you.

Yeah. Right. No, no, you had to, I think you had to do something. I didn't have put any... It was you. No, I didn't. You? It was him. You drank horse piss.

Or was it horse load? It's horse load. It wasn't horse load. When the fuck did I... No, I didn't. Yes, you did. When? When you went over...

The fucked up temple. The cult. Oh, that was... Bob's, we were fucking on a... That was apple juice, man. That was real, man. That was not real. You ingested bull semen.

That was an hallucination, man. No, the bull semen was not. That was back when we were dealing with fucking... Watch his face. Who the fuck were we dealing with? Over on the firm. What's Buddy's name? I can't remember.

Was that a firmer dude? Was it Tanya you went to see or somebody? No, that was a different time, Ricky. That was horse cum. That didn't happen. The bull semen happened for real, in real life. And it was him. That guy was fucking psycho, man.

You know, what was his name? He shows up shooting. He likes to shoot. I think fuck he's not good at shooting a gun. This is interesting. Did you know that dolphins recognize one another by the taste of their urine? No, he don't. No, I didn't know that.

Ouch. Fuck. That's the first time ever hearing that one, man. Are you sure? Yeah, their unique sense of taste allows them to sense friends and family members. They don't have a sense of smell, so... Taste the piss. Taste the rainbow.

If you tasted one of our piss, Julian, would you know it was ours? No, man. And I would not taste piss. Jesus Christ. Ricky, piss in Julian's mouth and see if he knows it's you. See if he can tell the difference. Yours piss would taste like weed.

I bet. We'll get a stranger's piss and then we'll get my piss and you can try to guess which one's which. Not happening, man. We'll get Sam Losko's piss. It would be kind of weird

if I was swimming behind you in a pool and you pissed and I'm trying to taste and see if I know yet. Fuck, dolphins are strange. Well, you know that when you go to like a public pool and your eyes are getting red? That's not from the chlorine, man. No? That's from the piss.

Chlorine doesn't make your eyes red. The piss does. Awesome. Well, isn't that something? That's why I don't swim in public pools. That's right, buddy. So, this pizza place, it's a Welsh pizza place. Yeah.

He decided to call it his Welsh Welsh Italian pizza but when he registered his domain name yeah just picture that put together well shit alien pizza did he keep the name he didn't realize it, so yes, it was registered. He had big signs up on his pizza fucking sign. Ah! They said that was one of the worst ones ever. I guess the worst one, I didn't even hear about this one, was when Susan Boyle

put out a new album. It was hashtag Susan Album Party, which pretty much says Sus Anal Bum Party. What was that? Anal Bum Party. Sus Anal Bum Party. What was that? Anal Bum Party. Sus Anal Bum Party.

Susan Album Party. That's a fuck up. Well, you got to carefully capitalize the right words, and then you don't. Right. But if you put them all the same lowercase, then yes, you're going to get a Sus Anal Bum Party. Do you guys eat lobster heads? No, man. Lobster heads. Some people do. Some people do.

Well, there's certain meat in the heads. You can't eat the whole fucking head. Do you know what else is in there? Their fucking bladders are in their head. Did you know that? I did not. You eat the lobster head, you're most likely eating piss. Lobster piss. Lobster piss right in the brain. Well, there's lobster shit in the tail. Yeah. Lobster piss. Lobster piss right in the brain. There's lobster shit in the tail.

Yeah. Gross, man. You don't eat the shit part, though. You rip it out. Mmm. It's all the green shit. You think when you're fucking eating hot dogs, you're not eating fucking... Don't get into the hot dog fucking thing,

bubs. Jesus. You fucking won't eat lobster, but you eat, because they're too dirty, but you'll eat a fucking old hot dog that was fucking lips and assholes squeezed out of a fucking tube. If I'm at a hockey game or something, I'll eat a hot dog. This was a weird one, too. There was a sheep in Africa who got arrested and sentenced to three years in jail for murder.

She killed a woman. Fucking antler her ribs to death. Rammed her. How can you put him in jail, though? Well, they're going to make him serve it out in a military camp. They should just eat the fucking thing. Kill him. Kill him and eat him.

Give the fucking meat to them. Why should he get killed? Because he fucking killed somebody. He might kill other people. He's a violent... Oh, he's a fucking violent animal. Give the fucking meat to them. Why should he get killed? Because he fucking killed somebody. He might kill other people. He's a fucking wild animal. He's a wild cocksucker. But he's a wild animal. He's a sheep.

He's not that wild. Do sheep live in the wild? Maybe they do. I don't know. Yeah, he's a wild sheep. Yeah, man. But they should give the meat to the fucking family and the horns. Well, the owner got sentenced to, he had to pay the fucking relatives five cows.

That's fucked. See, that's fucked up. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of meat. Well, yeah, okay. So if it was a sheep, if it was a pet sheep and it killed somebody, then yes, there's a problem. Did you guys see that TikTok? I don't know how you arrest a sheep, though. You cuff it? Yes, then yes, there's a problem. Do you guys see that TikTok? I don't know how

you arrest a sheep, though. You cuff it? Yes, you cuff it. And you throw it in the back of the cruiser? Put them right in the cruiser. Legs cuffed, arms cuffed. Do you see the fucking, that TikTok

where that chick stumbles over a guitar? Did you see that, Bobby? Yeah. There's a whole bunch of them. There's different ones. And the little flaps. And there's like, they take him and they're like.

Two pieces of ham playing. Strumming the guitar strings. Like, what the fuck? See, that's comedy right there. Yeah, there's several. I've seen several different ones. Okay. Let's talk several different ones. Okay. Let's talk about

some fucked up people. This Japanese person spent twenty fucking thousand dollars on a border collie costume because he's always

dreamt of living like a dog. You know what? It's a pretty nice fucking costume though. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen this You know what? It's a pretty nice fucking costume, though. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen this shit, Bub?

I'll show you this fucking shit. His name is Toko-san. He's on YouTube. Toko-san. And he fucking, like, he rolls over and he gives paw. He gets what? He rolls over and he gives paw and stuff. He acts just like a collie.

He looks just like a fucking collie. It's a nice suit, but it's fucking odd. Would you ever live as a cat? No. You'd be a big cat, I guess. There's a cat that you would want to fucking live as, Bob. Just a second, if I can fucking get this thing going here. I don't want to live as a cat.

Yeah, you wait till you see this fucking, this dude. Fuck, I would nap. No nap time yet. This fucking thing. Did you find the little fucking collie? No, because this internet is fucked again. Oh, for fuck's sake. Richard.

Don't call me Richard. Get this fucking internet fixed, man. Okay, I will. Thanks, man. That's what I'm going to do today. Next week, you'll come here and you'll be like, holy fuck! It's fucking blazing to speed. My computer just lit

on fire. Couldn't process the speed. 100 mega... 100 megatits. Where's Corey and fucking Jacob playing video games? You know, that's what's probably sucking all the power of the internet. Yeah. They're fucking up the whole park. Dicks. Yeah know that's what's probably sucking all the power of the internet. Yeah. They're fucking up the whole park. Dicks.

Yeah. It's fucked. See, people are fucking... Well, fuck, man. I had some good pictures to show you, bubs.

Not happening. This fucking guy that worked at McDonald's in Brazil got shot over 83 cents. Jesus. This fucking guy was at the drive-thru and

he had a coupon for 83 cents off of Big Mac and the kid was trying to scan it, wouldn't scan, wouldn't scan. He's like, it's not working. Guy gets out of his car and fucking grabs and punches him right in the fucking face. He's like, Jesus Christ, man.

All I have to do is go get my manager and he'll override this and give you the discount. He's like, no. Gets back his car, he goes and parks, goes in the store with a gun and shoots the fucking kid. 83 cent coupon. Now the little fucker is 21. He's got to use a colostomy bag.

Oh, he shot him. Right in the gut. Jesus Christ. He didn't fucking kill the guy. Well, the crazy bastard should go to jail then, shouldn't he? No internet, huh? No fucking internet. I had it all set up, man. I had some pictures to jail then, shouldn't he? No internet, huh? No fucking internet. I had it all set up, man.

I had some pictures to show you, bubs. God damn it. It's a fucking thing. Well, maybe Chipper can find the little video of the guy in the collie suit. Holy buck, boys. I'm falling asleep while I'm talking. Do you need some kind of uppers? Bennies?

I don't think so, Randy. I don't think Bennys exists anymore. You need some dabs. Let's get out the dabs, Randy. Let's get out the volcano. Let's get the volcano going, man. Dabs. Don't ever do that again.

What the fuck is this? Don't ever. Don't do that, man. Dabs. You little fuck. That is so old, man. People don't do that shit What's up

See that's even worse That was a blast in the past I guess I was Writing poetry Last night when I was baked Wicked What'd you write Rick? I'm not telling

I'll tell you guys after we're done No read it To the people Read it for the people It's too fucked No Where is it? Under there?

Give it. Get the fucking... Let me read it, Techie. I'll read it with a flare. With a flare? Is this it? It's it. Is this it here? The wind is a cunt.

I... It? It? The wind is a cunt. I. It. It. The wind is a cunt. Let me fucking read it, I guess. This is so stupid. Good. Read it.

The wind is a cunt. It tears, it rips, it breaks. It has no fucking heart. The wind is a cunt. Whoa. You know what? It has no fucking hurt The wind is a cunt Whoa You know what? I think that was pretty good, man Ricky, you're a poet

That's funny, I'm impressed I only want to have the right buzz on, I guess Wow, that was weird The wind is a cunt What's it do? It tears, it rips, it breaks That's no fucking hurt The wind is a cunt Whoa,'s it do? It tears, it rips, it breaks. That's no fucking hurt. The wind is a cunt. Whoa, you know what?

What does it mean? That can mean a lot of things, man. A cunt could be a person. It fucks with me sometimes when I'm asleep, I'll tell you that. The wind is a cunt. Let's see who got born on June 3. Tony Curtis.

Do we know him? Tony Curtis? Tony Curtis, man. He used to be in the... So he was the boss? Oh, man. No, no, no, no, no. He's an old

fucking school actor. No, he can't be. He was 1925. That's Tony Dance. Oh, yeah. He was like in Gladiator movies with, what's his face?

That Douglas, Kirk Douglas. He was in, it says, Something Like It Hot. Wasn't he? Something like it hot. That's an old movie. Tony Curtis was in, what was that movie we liked? About the old gangsters that got out of jail. Wasn't he one of those guys?

I don't think so. You know, the super old guys They were old mobsters and they got out of jail when they were like 80 And tried to get back into society Oh yeah, was that him? I don't know That wasn't him, man No, that might have been Bert VanCast

See, this is why I must have wrote It was, yeah The poem, because it's Allen Ginsberg It says American Beat Poet Yeah, Allen Ginsberg I guess says American beat poet. Yeah. Allen Ginsberg. I guess that got me fucking motivation. Chuck Berris. Do we know?

Chuck Berry? No, Berris. Chuck Berris. He's from the gong show, I guess. Oh, yeah. The gong show host. Curtis Mayfield. Yeah.

Superfly. Excellent. Mickey Finn? Mickey Finn. Mickey Finn. T-Rex? Billy Powell? Keyboardist for Leonard Skinner? Yeah.

Yeah. We know the guitar player. It's a weird fucking day for people who got an abhorrent. Dan Hill. Dan Hill! No, Dan Hill. I didn't know he was Canadian. Dan Hill's from fucking...

Sometimes when we touch. He's from Nova Scotia, isn't he? The Odyssey's too much. Damn hell. No, he's not, man. Fine and kiss. I don't think so. Could be.

No, it says born in Toronto. Let's see. Well, you spent some time here, then. Up on the hill. Used to play the shit out of that little making love song. A lot of love making in that song, eh? What song? Sometimes When We Touch.

Ricky. Have you ever banged to Dan Hill? I don't know. He definitely has, man. It's made me cry before, I know that. Well, it's nice. Me and the girl broke up Fuck you used to listen to sad songs

When you break up with your girlfriend I'm a sad song kind of breakup guy And you just cry Like why do you do that? Because then you feel better You gotta get out of your system No I don't know man about that Kerry King

Slayer Yeah man Oh yeah Raphael Nadel One of the Ninja Turtles Slayer? Yeah, I bet. Oh, yeah. Rafael Nadal. One of the Ninja Turtles. He was a Spanish tennis player. Bubs, I got a Jeopardy question for you. You know what?

I don't think I knew one of these fucking people. Me? Well, Dan Hill. Oh, I know Dan Hill. Bagged one. Bubs. Allen Ginsberg. Banged it to him.

Tony Curtis was in that movie with the gangsters. What was it called? Gangsters. The old gangsters. Gloves. Why? Jeopardy question for you right here. In 1967, the Outer Space Treaty, did you ever hear that?

Yeah. Forbid any nation from trying to own what? The moon. You've got five seconds. The Outer Space Treaty? Yeah. Forbid any nation from owning something. Don't know. The moon? Fucking Ricky was right,

man. The moon! Yeah. You cannot own the moon. No. You can now. Or no, it's Mars. It's the Outer Space Treaty. You can buy an acre on Mars for 20 bucks. Can you? That would be wicked.

I think you can. Really? Well, let's do it. I don't know who's selling it. They don't really own it themselves. Wow. I don't know where to go from here. Oh, yeah, I've got to fix my internet.

That's a day's worth of work right there. That's a hard day's work. You're not doing it. What are you going to do to fix your internet? We need cable. Check out a bunch of things on the roof. And we need a splitter. Yep.

We've got to go way up the hill. To where? To Randy. He's got fucking good internet. Run some cable. Hardwire this motherfucker. What kind of cable? I think T's got some good fucking internet.

Biggest cable we can find. You don't even know what type of cable uses the internet. Everything comes down to copper, doesn't it? Well, if you get it, you can sell it. It's not copper we need, Ricky. Well, we do need copper anyway. Fiber optic. Cat 5.

All right. Let's go get some Cat 5 and jack it up to Cat 10. Double. All right, say goodbye. Are we able to? We are. It's able to? We are. It's time to go, man. Well, I need a nap.

All right, Bubbles, go get a nap. Julian, we're going to get high again, and we're going to get this fucking internet going, buddy. And then we're going to celebrate. Then we're celebrating. We're getting drunk tonight, Bub, so be prepared, my friend. Before we get too crazy, we're going to listen to some Dan Hill, have a little cry, and then we'll start the parody. The fuck was in my drink?

Horse cum. A little funny. To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to Swearin' It.com or download the Trailer Park Boys Swearin' It app.