Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 21 - Hot Balogny Pizza

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Ricky and Bubbles cook up a meaty pizza and a side of 'Ramone' noodles - and oh my f**k, is she ever hot! Pace yourself boys, or you'll get balogny-logged! Also: Halloween jack-o-nips, Roman drive-thrus, and Ricky's mouthwash cocktail!

Hey Ricky, chop the fucking bologna pizza so you should be ready. Yeah? Yeah, thank you for all the fucking bologna dice. This is wicked. The fuck you eat bologna pizza? Oh, yes. Bologna pizza, Julian. Who the fuck makes bologna pizza? I make bologna dice? This is wicked. The fuck you... bologna pizza? Oh, yes! Bologna pizza, Julian. Who the fuck makes bologna pizza? I make bologna pizza!

Those are off the fucking... The bologna's the crust. Those are off the hazuki. What? The bologna's the crust. It's got pepperoni and sauce and cheese. So there's no, like, dough or anything? No, it's bologna pizza. They look fucking good. This is fucking disgusting, man. I can't eat that shit.

No, you're gonna have one. We, you can have some fucking Ramone noodles. What the fuck are Ramone noodles? Ricky, you weren't supposed to make the noodles at the same time as my pizza. Well, some people may not want pizza, man. Yeah, I'll eat popcorn. You're not gonna have any bologna pizza. Well, I don't like bologna like you fuckers like me. Here, have some bologna dice.

No, man, I don't eat baloney like you fuckers like me. Here, have some baloney dice. No, man, I don't eat baloney, okay? Fuck. If it was steak or something, I'd be digging in, but fucking fuck baloney. Look at that beautiful slice of baloney pizza, and you're not gonna have it. Baloney dice. So what's on these fucking things? It's baloney cut into triangles, the shape of a pizza. It's got pepperoni, green pepper, mushroom, and cheese,

just like a pizza would, but. Yeah. Did I mention it has bologna for the crust? Yeah, you did mention that. That's the grossest fucking, that's the grossest part. Try some Ramone. I've not eaten Ramone. It's ramen, Ricky.

Ramen, named after the king. King Ramun. How many slices of bologna pizza you want, Ricky? I'm gonna start with one. Well, you're getting two. What are you drinking? Why are you drinking mouthwash? I'm not a regular liquor. God, it sucks.

Ricky, I could have sold you some fucking booze. Sold? Well, yeah, I'll give you some fucking booze. Sold? Well, yeah, I'll give you four bucks a drink. Do you want a drink or not? No. This is fucking free. I'll take your fucking mouthwash.

Here, June, you gotta try a slice. No, man. Just have a slice. I'm not in my popcorn puffs. Now you get fucking bologna juice and shit in it. Just have one try. For one time. Eat something I made. That looks disgusting. See the grease and shit?

Yes, that's the delicious part. Trying to eat healthy. Oh fuck, is she ever hot. Holy fuck, she's piping hot, Ricky. She's warm. Delicious. Is it good? You fuck, she's piping hot, Ricky. She's warm. Delicious. Is it good? Well, you got slow-fire bologna

plus all the good stuff on top of it. What else is in it? There's pepperoni on it. Green pepper, mushroom, cheese, and pizza sauce. See, the only mushrooms I'll eat are the magic ones. They are magic. Are they? Well, not magic that way.

These fucking things are hard to fucking use, you know. Fuck. Ricky, use a fucking fork. Ricky, that's not how you use it. I'm trying to eat the way this stuff's supposed to be eaten. Yeah, but Ricky, people like you shouldn't use fucking chopsticks. Got one. Shouldn't we? Shouldn't we? See that? I know how to use these fucking things.

That's not how you do it, Ricky. You're gonna be there for hours eating these fucking bowls. Oh, fuck! It's getting hotter! There's gotta be a way to do this, Ricky. It's getting hotter! Did you put hot sauce on it? Nope. How's it getting hotter?

I don't know. Don't know how to use them, huh? Don't know how to use them, huh? Okay. Let's see this go down. Ah! You got one noodle. I got one. You look like a fucking duck in the water.

Wish I was a duck. I'd fucking beat you. That is, Ricky, you got to try that baloney feet. Holy fuck. Do you want some Ramone? I'll try a little bit. I'm going to use my fork, though. Your mama wants some Ramone? I'll try a little bit. I'm gonna use my fork though. Your mama wants Ramone. What are these things set up for?

What? These pylons. I was making sure there was room to set the bologna pizza down, so I cordoned off an area. Ricky. Don't scare me. Ricky, don't scare me. Ricky, don't start that fucking thing. Why is that on the table? Well, I saw the pylons.

I thought you were setting up a fucking course. No, I was cordoning off an area. You're who? Coroning? Cordoning, cordoning. Cordoning. Julian? Julian? Well, I'm hung up on some bologna. Coordening, coordening. Coordening. Julian? Well, I'm hung up on some bologna. You're gonna be pushed, bubs.

No, I'm not. You'll get stuck in the bologna field. Oh, none, none. How do you like that? Was that a nice thing to do? Well, was it nice to drive on my perfectly sculpted... Hey, how do you like that, Puffs? No, no, no, no, no, no!

Why you... I had to cough! Now you got COVID corn. Take a layer off. No big fucking deal. Doesn't bother me one bit. COVID, be gone. Doesn't bother me one bit. That's just adding to my... That's just adding to my,

that's just adding to my flavor. Man, he's really fucking out over it. Don't fuck my car over, man. Jesus Christ. Doesn't bother me one bit. It's all oily and fucked. It'll help it, man. You own me a new fucking car. All right, so what are we doing?

We gonna do the show or what? Yes. Why don't we? Who wants to start? Did you do what they're saying? No, that's what I'm asking. Do you want to do it? Do you want me to do it?

No, I want you to do it. Hi folks, welcome to Perk After Dark. This is Julian, your host for today. Who's being a dick. This is Bubbles. This is my friend Ricky. Howdy, folks! That was a little over the top. You said, hi folks, so I'm on the throne.

It's kind of over the top. You just drove over a fucking pizza with a remote control car. That was a little over the top. Because we didn't even start the show yet. Well, for the people just tuning in, this was a beautiful... Still is. I mean, you can't hurt bologna pizza with fucking little remote control cars. Okay, so just want to... What are we drinking today? I'm having a nice little rum and coke.

Buzz, what are you having? Straight vodka? Yes. Ricky's decided to try something a little bit different today. This is called... I don't know yet. It's an old school jail liquor. Fresh liquor. No name mouthwash. I was just going to have good breath.

Ricky, do you need booze that bad? I could have give you some of this. I forgot you had that. And Ricky, do you know how much of that you'll need to drink to get a buzz on? All right, well. You'd need a couple more of those. Okay, that's a good one. Here, I'll top you out.

Go on, pups. Want a little bit of rub? Okay, man. You want some rub? She'll be strong now, Ricky. There we go. That's better. At least you're drinking some booze.

All right, you guys are all done, huh? It was that good. I'm not done. I'm just pacing myself as to not get, you know, baloney logged. Itologna-logged. It's like waterlogged, but you eat too much bologna, you get bologna-logged. All right.

What have we got to talk about today, gentlemen? We could talk about what a dick we were. I'm sorry, you know what? If I came across as being a dickhead today, I apologize. Wow. It wasn't you came across as being one, you were one. Well, I don't think I was, but... You went four-wheeling on our fucking pizza tray. Yeah.

You know who, you know Grogu and Yoda and those little fuckers? Grogu? Grogu. Baby Yoda. His name is Grogu. I didn't see that one. They modeled the little fucker after Einstein. Did you know that? Einstein. It's a fact. Einstein. You know who? Einstein.

Drink your herb. Albert Einstein. He doesn't even know who Albert Einstein is. You know who Albert Einstein's brother was? Who? Frank. Frank Einstein? Frank Einstein.

Einstein's brother was Frank, but he was a real monster. Frank Einstein. Frank, oh, man. Get it? Albert Einstein Einstein Frank Einstein That's a good Halloween joke One of them was real smart And the other one was just a real

Big dickhead He was really frank with people Big bolt neck bastard Did he eat people or just kill them? Frankenstein? I don't know that he killed anybody did he? He just had bolts in his neck. Oh, he had to have killed, monsters kill people.

He had to kill people, didn't he? They don't all kill, some of them just scare. That's a fucking lame monster. No, I think Frankenstein did mutilate a few people. He did, he ripped the fucking arms off people. In the real story. Was written by Shelley. By Shelley?

Yes. All right, I got some more. I forget the first name, but last name by Shelley. By Shelley? Yes. I forget the first name, but last name Shelley. Frankenstein. Oh, yeah, there we go. I never thought of that before. He could have been Albert's brother. Fuck these guys. Frank.

This is a fucking non-easy piece of equipment. You're doing pretty good now, Ricky. Getting there now, yeah. You know what we should do? If I just put like a clip, like a spring clip between them, you could just pinch them. Oh, wait a second. Here's an idea. Why don't you use a fucking fork? Now I got her fucking figured out.

I'm like a goddamn, I've got this fucking down to a science. You're actually getting pretty good at it. Look at that. Fuck yeah. Jesus, Ricky. I figured out the sticks. How did you do that? I'm going to go to a restaurant.

Yeah, I'll take the sticks, please. How did you figure that out? Chopsticks. I'm pretty good with them, too. I've always been. Chopsticks, dumb name. Are they for chopping? No.

They could be called pickup sticks. Well, that was already taken. Why aren't they called pickup sticks? Because that was already taken. That's a game. Look, Ricky, I can... Oh, yeah, you're good. Watch this.

I can catch. Did you ever catch a fly with them? I did. It took me six months, but I did it. You miss you, Miyagi. Miyagi taught me that. You guys know that show Peppa Pig? Yes.

Yes. Yeah, I do. All right, check this out. That's why all the kids are talking with British accents now. Is it a British show? Yes. Yeah, I do. All right, check this out. That's why all the kids are talking with British accents now. Is it a British show? Yes. I had no idea. Anyway, down in Australia, they had to pull an episode of it,

take it off the air, because it was teaching children not to fear spiders. What's wrong with that? There's lots of fucking spiders in Australia. So they're going up, hey, a spider thing bit them, fucking killed them. So are're going up, hey, the spider thing bit them. Fucking killed them. So are they suing the pigs? I think they probably did get sued.

I don't know. I'm not sure if people died, but it's... You can't sue a pig. What? You just can't. Why not? You can't sue a pig. You can sue the pig's owner.

Maybe, but you can't sue a pig. You can sue the pig's owner. Maybe, but you can't sue a pig. You could cook him. Can you sue your mama? If she's around? No, I don't think so. Same thing, I guess. No, that's terrible. Did you hear about the Louisiana man?

He was being interviewed on the fucking news, KSLA, wherever the fuck that is. Well, I guess probably Louisiana. Just grand prize for lottery now, 700 million. Nowhere. The reporter's like, so, sir, what would you do if you won 700 million? He said, I'd buy a fucking supercharged Mustang

with dual exhaust. Me too. About five kilograms of cocaine. I'd be all set. She's just like, oh, so you're into cars. It's fucking awesome. He wanted to buy five kilos of cocaine. Five kilos of cocaine.

Supercharged Mustang, five kilos, he'd be all set. That's what he wants to spend the $700 million on. I'd buy a liquor store. Yeah, you'd have a lot of money left over. Five million, that's a lot of money, man. You only drink rum, though, don't you? No, but I would sell a lot of money left over. Five million, that's a lot of money, man. You only drink rum, though, don't you? No, but I would sell a lot of booze.

I'm talking about making more money. You should own a liquor store. I want to. Yeah, Maxill Rum. Holy fuck, the Irish, man. Back in the 19th century. Jack-o'-lanterns were carved out of turnips instead of pumpkins. How fucked is that?

You can't carve a fucking turnip. Yes you can. I've done turnips. Yeah, but you don't get to scoop out all the shit. Turnips are dense. No, you still hollow them out. You leave about a centimeter of turnip. You get a big fucking dirty turnip. You can... How do you hollow it out? You boil it a little bit to soften it up a tiny bit. You don't know this shit. I've made Turner lanterns. No you fucking haven't. Jack-o'-nips I call them.

I'm pretty like you boiling it sounds like something maybe you did do it and you experimented but I don't believe it. Well you gotta soften them up just enough to scoop out the insides and you cut the top off the same as you would a you know like a pumpkin you scoop it out and then it's still got the thing and you can cut the eyes and put a little tea candle in there. Turnips are like this big. No you can get a fucking turnip that big. Oh man they're ugly. You can get a turnip that big. At least a pumpkin's like a pretty vegetable. Turnips are ugly.

No, they're not. You spray paint them. Spray paint them orange, you wouldn't know the difference between a turnip. Seems like a lot of work. Would you guys, okay, when we die, would you guys ever consider getting buried in a turnip? No. That's maybe. That could be part two.

What about getting buried in a fucking Pringles can? A big one or? A Pringles. A normal size? You mean like? Ashes. I thought you meant like bones and everything. No, not hack up your arm and stuff it in cans. No, man.

Take a lot of cans. How many cans would it take to pick a winner? Why do you ask? Because. Thank you for asking me, man. Because the guy, Frederick Bauer, who invented Pringles, that's what that fucker did. Yeah. A big can? I think he made a giant can.

I think his whole body was in it. Natural flavor, the original flavor ones. Yeah, I think we talked about that. How many, if it wasn't ashes and it was just your bones and your meat, how many cans would it take to fit him, you think? Oh, fuck. I'd say about 73, 74 cans. I was gonna say 400. I was gonna say 500.

Really? Five, once you start, you know, cutting your meat off. Is that blood included or are you gonna bleed me out? No, everything. Well, I mean, yeah, blood would probably not count because once we started sawing steaks off you, you'd bleed out pretty quick. I think you might be able to stuff me into about 73, 75.

I'd take a ribeye and a tenderloin, please. No, man. You're not fucking placing orders for my pork and burgers. I'll take a bi-loin right there. Look at that. Imagine the meat on that. Oh, fucking zero to fat. Jesus Christ. You guys are fucked. I'd get down here where there's some marble and... Fucking zero to five. Jesus Christ. You guys are fucked. I'd get down here where there's some marbling. Little marbles always get a little marbling. No, you're not eating me.

27-day-age Julian Steaks. Well, you know what? I couldn't believe this fact that I found here. You know Pompeii? Yes. Fucking places that get leveled by that volcano. This is where the concert was. It was wicked. It was, but there was a volcano there first.

Pink Floyd, right? Pink Floyd did a concert at Pompeii, but that was long after the volcano. You know what weird part was there was no crowd. Well, because you know, Ricky, it was a volcano. It was all perfect. Active volcano. But scientists have found evidence that they actually had takeout restaurants in Pompeii. Pompeii.

Like drive-thru shit? I don't know if it was a drive-thru because you had like horses and shit. What is the evidence? They found old burger wrappers or takeout receipts? They found a big mac container box or something. I don't fucking know. They found remnants. Of takeout. They could be just making

that the fuck up. Well, what would the evidence be? They found a drive-thru window? No, I don't think so, man. It would have to be a receipt that said, you know, Charlie's, you know. They found somebody actually working

at drive-thru. Maybe they found a receipt that said takeout only. That might be it. I know there was a guy there that had They found somebody actually working at drive-thru. Maybe they found a receipt that said take out only. That might be it. He's a part of a song. I know there was a guy there that had a wing, you know, a wing bear, and he sold, his hottest wings were called lava wings, and he was not popular.

In Pompeii? Yes. What was his name? Charlie Duggan. Okay. He had a wing bar. Fuck. I was about to start laughing, but I guess it's not really funny.

What's not funny? This 38-year-old Russian actor that was crushed to death during the live performance. That sucked. He went the wrong way or something. The set collapsed and fucking crushed him to death in front of all these people in the audience. Just thought it was part of the show. Jesus, I almost got crushed by some furniture recently. Yeah, you got lucky there, buddy.

Yeah, didn't something fall off your bathroom wall? Yes, not my bathroom wall. I was in a store. And a whole cabinet came down on me. Oh, you... I'm smelling lawsuit. No, it's not. That is a pretty hefty lawsuit, Hebbs. No, it's not. Why not?

Because I already spoke to the owner. Did he give you free anything? No, he just apologized. Lawsuit. You're too nice. That's your problem. Well, I don't immediately think how can I fucking gouge this guy and destroy his business. He fucking gouged you. That's the first thing you should think about.

How much money am I going to make off this cocksucker? Because he almost hurt you. Well, he didn't mean to. Well, you're not supposed to have shit like that happen to you when you're at the store. Eye for an eye. You get fucked over, he gets fucked over. Let's go fuck him over right now.

No, boys, it's fine. What kind of a store was it? Live and let die. Oh, it's Jan's. What did he sell? Uh, Kubota tractors. All right. Well, I think we should go talk to this motherfucker.

You should be able to get a couple months free at least. Well, if I need a Kubota at some point, I'm sure I can go over there and tell him who I am. Remember when your Cadman almost killed me? Maybe you could loan me a, you know, a skid steer. Move my shed around. A skid steer? I wouldn't mind having a skid steer.

I could move my shed, just put it wherever I wanted it. You know what you need? A telehandler. Taliban? Telehandler. Who's that? That's a machine you should get if you're going to go after these guys. It's like a big fucking forklift, except you get this long arm.

You can pick shit up, put it on your roof. See, if we got found an air conditioner. How do you know about telehandlers, man? Because I was looking into it, because we, remember that time at Kmart, they had that big fucking air conditioning unit? Mm-hmm. That we wanted to take?

If we had a telehandler, we could take it. I could take a lot of shit with a telehandler. No shit, man. There's all kinds of stuff on the roof of places. Oh yeah, that's what you need. Big fucking mechanical stealing arm. It's exactly what it is. It's like the Canadian space arm,

except it's a greasy telehandler. This fucking dumb ass. This man in California sued his psychic because he paid her five fucking grand to remove a witch's curse that his ex-wife put on him. That's stupid. Fuck.

People are fucked. It didn't work. Do you think? Didn't work, I still have shitty luck. Now there is some people out there that aren't fucking phonies like that person. There is people that can tell your future. Oh yeah, here we go.

You know, if you're... What the fuck did he do to his ex-wife to make her want to put a purse on him? He banged somebody else. You should put a hex on him. I put a spell on you. Woo! You getting a buzz on yet, Ricky? I can't tell, my breath is so fresh.

I don't know. Your breath is fresh. I can smell it from here. You smell delightful. You on the other hand. What? Smell like- Do you want to take a whiff? I can smell it from here. You smell delightful. You on the other hand. What? Smell like... Do you want to take a whiff?

No, no, it's whatever you were eating. You smell like popcorn and ass. Okay, I do not. If I smelled like ass, I'd be cleaning my face right now. Were you at Alvina's again? Having a little snack? Jesus Murphy! What did he little snack? Jesus, Murphy. Jesus, Murphy, Ricky.

What'd he say? Nothing. You'll have to watch the tapes. Great. All right, this is bullshit. Well, that was good. Fuckin' parents in this Ontario school, they want the goddamn principal fired

because she's a fuckin' Iron Maiden fan. No way. They think she worships Satan. Oh, my Jesus. That's fucked. That's fuckin' bullshit, man. Iron Maiden's awesome. Is she gonna stick it out or is she gonna run to the hills?

Hold on, let's ask her in two minutes to midnight. She's a trooper. We need a minutes to midnight. She's a trooper. We need a super trooper. She's a trooper, yeah. She sticks to her gun, she'll be running free. Don't worry. Trying to think of some more. What's the seagull one?

Rhyme of the ancient... Mariner. Mariner. Mayonnaise. No, no. Mariner. Well, that's fucked, because everybody... Yeah. Well that's fucked because everybody should be in on it. I guess the students got her back.

They're like, fuck you parents. We'll see. She should be allowed to listen to any music she wants, even if it was, you know, whatever. It's all because she made a homemade song that said 666 or something. It's like, fuck off. 666, the number of the beast. Why is that the number of the beast? It's just the number that Damien had cut in his forehead.

666. And Bruce, the singer, he flies a 777. That's pretty amazing. He's a pilot. Bruce Dickinson, man, he's pretty amazing. He's a pilot. Bruce Dickinson, man. He's a pilot. He's a pilot.

He flies a 777, but it's flight 666. Did you know that we have an invite to go on that jet? Don't even tease me with that. Don't tease me with that. We do. I would give up my life for that. They already contacted us. I would give the pilot a nice massage, whatever I had to do.

Bruce Dickinson. If you needed one from getting sore with the controls, yes. Do you got their number still? We'll say, hey, Ricky I had to do. Bruce Dickinson. If you needed one from getting sore with controls? Yes. Do you got their numbers still? We'll say, hey, Ricky will jack you off for a fucking free trip on the maiden. 81, is it? Yes. I don't know how this is true, but it is.

But bacon was used to make explosives during World War II. Like, what the fuck? Do you know why? Nitrates. Nitrates. the fuck? Do you know why? Nitrates. Nitrates. In bacon? Yes. Really?

Yes, you can make explosives out of bacon. I saw a pig explode once, so there's something to that. No, that's because someone blew it up, man. Yeah, that's because... Stick of dynamite. That was the dynamite that blew it up. It could be something. There was a fuse coming out of his ass. Yeah, because someone stuck a fuse in its ass and lit it, blew it up.

Another Maiden song. Fuse in my ass. No, man. Fuse in my ass. Alright, so how do you make an explosive out of bacon? You have to know what you're doing. Okay, and what is that? I don't know, but I know what can be done.

You get the nitrates out of there somehow, boil them down. You don't have a fucking clue. You listen to me. You don't have a fucking clue, do you? Do you know? You extract nitrates. Fucking looking this up.

And you turn them into ammonium percolate. Chloride, ammonium percolate. Chloride. Ammonium chloride you can make out of bacon nitrates. That's how the Unabomber So the Unabomber used bacon to blow... He started experimenting with bacon but he couldn't... No he didn't... He was ended up eating it all. Every time he tried to make a bomb, he ate all the bacon. All right, here we go. Turning bacon into bombs. Just let your mother eat some. You know what you do?

You add one cup of water, bring it to a boil. Yeah, I believe I mentioned that. Reduce the heat to medium and gently boil for one or two minutes. Transfer to a heat-proof container and add the remaining cup of cold water. Refrigerate for five hours. Boom. Until the fat has solidified. All right.

So it's out of the fat. Yeah, you're extracting the nitrates like I mentioned. I wonder if that's sometimes when you eat bacon. Is that why you have an explosion in the toilet? Absolutely. No, Ricky, that's because you're fucking eating and you're drinking and fucking eating and fucking, you know. There's just some serious explosive pressure

sometimes with those shit bombs. It's like, boom! Yeah. And during the war, they actually told, they encouraged people and urged them to fucking save their fat, to donate it to the fucking army. What fat?

From the bacon. Oh, man. Like, you take some of your fat out. No, man. The bacon grease. Oh, so it's the bacon fat that does it. It's the bacon grease that turns it. The nitrates.

That's where they are. It's part of your patriotic duty to do so. What a time that must have been back then, eh? So we can start making bacon bombs. Nice. That's a good band name. Bacon Bombs. Going to the bacon bomb show tonight.

One pound of bacon contained enough glycerin to make about a pound of explosives. That's a lot of fucking explosives. Glycerin nitrates. Nitrate glycerin. The Kubota dealership? We're going to make a bomb out of bacon. We're going to blow up his fucking store. No, we're not. Yes, we are.

I'm not baking bacon bombs. Let's blow up his car then. We're gonna blow up his car. We're gonna blow up something. And you don't even get me started on bologna bombs. The grease that comes out of these is much more volatile than bacon grease. You're shitting me, right? You owe me a new car.

No. What? He owes me a new car. Who? You. Why? Because you're a new car. Who? You. Why? Because you're a dick when four-wheeling in the fucking pizzas.

It's still good, man. You know what? It's October the 1-5. And I can't remember who the fuck got born today. Nice catch. What are those? I wrote it down somewhere, but...

Okay. I think it was the Swayze, wasn't it? It went into the... Was the Swayze on the list? I don't know if the Swayze was... Could be on the back of that, Ricky. Nope. Well, I guess we'll never know, huh? No, probably somebody great. Born on the 15th. You know what? I don't know. Maybe there wasn't. We'll never know, huh? No, probably somebody great.

Born on the 15th. I don't know. Maybe there wasn't. There's got to be somebody great. Giant letdown. What's the date today? October the 1-5. 15th. Mozart, I believe.

I can usually, you know, I remember them. I store them up here in the banks. The girl from that show with all the girls on her? Golden Girls. No, the other one. But, uh... Spice Girls. Nope. Jill, I think her name was.

Facts of Life with Tootie and... Tootie. Tootie and Blair. And Joe Polnicek. Who did you like the best on that? Who was the hottest? Joe Polnicek. That was the one that drove the dirt bike.

Yes. She was hot. Was that Jill? That was Joe Polnicek. That was the one that drove the dirt bike. Yes. She was hot. Was that Joe? That was Joe Polnicek. And then Blair was the, you know, supposedly, you know, super hot one, but she was bitch. She was a bit of a snotty cat. She was bitchy. Joe was much friendlier. I liked Tootie and I liked Natalie. They were both good. Mrs. Garrett. I loved Mrs. Garrett. Mrs. Garrett. Oh, so you would bang Mrs. Garrett? I'm not talking about who I'd bang. I'm saying who I liked on the show. No, I liked their characters. That Joe, that Joe was a wild, wild catch. Not Jill, Joe. Yeah, that's who I meant. Joe Polnicek.

Yeah, that's who I meant. Yeah. And youk. Yeah, that's who I meant. Yeah. And do you remember Blair had a cousin? He really liked that show. Blair had a cousin that showed up every now and then. And she had, like, you know, something different about her cerebral palsy or something. Remember her? Yeah. She was great, too. I liked her.

She was hot. I knew all the characters on the show. She did stand-up, too, right? You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all in and you got the facts of life. The facts of life. Penny Marshall was born on this day. Oh yeah. Back in 1943. Penny Marshall wasn't in the facts of life.

Verne and Shirley. Yep. No, but Laverne and Shirley. She did some movies too. Who's more bangable, Laverne or Shirley? They're both going to require some alcohol. Okay. What?

Laverne and Shirley were, they were lovely. I thought you meant like today. Oh, I, well, I don't know what they, I don't know about today, but I mean back in the day. Squiggy and Lenny used to get over there. Hey? Oh yeah, they used to fuck around. Lenny and Squiggy used to show up. They were a lot like Corey and Jacob. That Squiggy was a dirty little prick, wasn't he?

You would not want to trust Squiggy. Just his name, Squiggy. I always wondered, he always felt like he had like jelly in his underwear. Always felt like if he was around he was gonna be a pickpocketer. He's gonna pick your pocket. Just rub grease on you. Alright, you know what? There's all kinds of fucking people here that were born on this day. We don't give a fuck, so let's...

No, there's a fucking... who cares? I'm gonna reheat my bologna pizza. Let's all lay down together and have a nap. What? What are you talking about? Let's send this one off. This is someone who... Did you hear what he said? What?

Let's all lay down together and have a nap. And listen to Chris DeBerg, because his birthday was also today. Oh, see, there's something to celebrate. Lady in red, get a dress on. We'll lie down. Lady in red is dancing with Julian. Muscle to muscle. That's fucked.

All right, cut it, done. You should wear red. I'm not gonna wear red. The muscle man in red is benching with me.