Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 22 - The F**king Year in Review

Episode Date: December 29, 2015

The Boys recover from their holiday blowout and look back at the funniest moments from the Trailer Park Boys Podcast in 2015! Highlights include Snoop Dogg, looly chickens, Ricky's stunts, and a hilarious meltdown in Amsterdam... Episode 22 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products!

All right, it's January 1st, Turtler Purp Boys podcast. It's going down right now. You can't do it. We can do this. It's been a great what, nine, ten days of partying solid since Christmas Eve? Twelve days we've been drinking. I think it's only been nine or ten, man.

Twelve. Ricky. Ricky. Rick, wake up. Ricky. Rick. Stop pissing on me. What? Rick, you gotta wake up man, poor... Get a drink in ya. Ahh...

You're slowing down man, you're passing out. We are not passing out, yet. Watch, I guess, I think we're too fucked, Julian. Hmm. No, we're not. We're just getting this going, boys. You just gotta pace yourselves a little bit better. You're fucking going off the... No, but what's the point?

You're doing one right now. Just because we have, you know, obligations we gotta meet and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But Rick, pick up that Jocasa VapoPen for a sec. You got it there? Just take a good haul off that. Thanks, man. You're just making him do that.

Just do it. Did he do it? I'm gonna switch it to blend. Switch it to what? Blend. Whoa, fuck! Good save, River Richard. This is a good catch, man.

Reflex is like a forest cat. You could put it on this one. Which is what? Or this one. Or blend. You can switch the flavors this one. Which is what? Or this one. Or... You can switch the flavors midstream. Blend. What does blend do? Blends them all together? Both.

Wow, man, that's cool. Why don't we have a little rep offer? Is it good? Uh-huh. Ju-ca-sa-vape. Okay. What do you think, Pops? Happy times. It's fucking delicious out here.

Happy places. All right, Pops, could you just eat? You need another beer, man. What are you fucking doing? Go grab a beer, and if you could do me a favor, just stop for a second before you open the fridge door, please. Just what? Just stop for a second.

Just look at the camera. Just stop right there. Look at the camera. You ain't even pointing at the door. You're pointing at that thing, right? For this! You're telling me you're not going to get a second. Just look at the camera. Just stop right there. Look at the camera. Even point at the door. You're pointing at that thing, right? For this! You're telling me you're not getting fucking money for this? You just made me do that. I know you're getting paid.

Bob, so still working out the fucking numbers and shit, okay? Just do it because you want to do it. Okay. All right? Well, can't we just... Just do it because you want to do it. Okay. All right. Well, can't we just... Couldn't we just do a, like, you know, how they do it on, you know, TSN, where they just do a highlight reel the whole year?

Why don't we just do one of those? I'll tell you what, huh? What? What? What? Look, Juno... We're not a fucking sport, Bob. Highlights are sports. It doesn't have to be sports, man.

It can be like a blooper reel of anything. How about a blooper reel of your tits? Like a highlight reel, blooper reel, you know. You can't do a normal podcast with him, not a fucking podcast. A blooper reel of your tits. Here, Ricky, have another one of those. Here, Ricky. Put that in you.

Here, get that in another one of those. Here, Ricky. Put that in you. Here, get that in you. Straighten yourself up a bit. All right, let's do a highlight reel. Recap of the funniest moments of 2015. Toilet Park Boys podcast coming at you.

Highlight reel. Of your tits. He's fucked. Here, make sure he doesn't fucking light himself on fire, bubs. Jesus Christ. Let him burn himself. No, he's not going to burn himself.

Let him burn himself. It's right above this big bag here, bubs. Imagine catching that on fire. Dumbass. If that got on fire, he'd be sacked. He'd think that was great. Just tell me what I gotta do, and can I get high? Or higher. Yeah, you can get as high as you want.

We just gotta sit here and talk about, you know, shit that's going on around the world. It's like a radio show kind of thing, Ricky, and we're actually doing it right now. But it's not on a fucking radio, so how the fuck does anybody hear it? It's on the internet, Ricky. We broadcast it out on the internet. Look, we're going to have to fucking start over now because he's got it all fucked. No, he doesn't have it all fucked. We'll just keep it going.

Fine. Start over. Hello there. Welcome to the official. Oh, for fuck's sakes. Fucking shitty filter. See? Ricky, do it again. Just give him a second, okay? He's gonna start this off. No, take your time. Hey there. Go ahead.

Say whatever the fuck you want. Hi there, welcome to the first ever Trailer Park Boys podcast. I'm Bubbles. I'm Julian. Ricky. Just say your name. I had a fucking lug full of smoke. Ricky.

Ricky. Is that good, guys? That's good. Fuck. Oh my god. Well, we, guys? That's good. Fuck. Oh, my God. Well, we're off to a flying fucking start here. California's fucking losing its water. That's right. There's got to be ways to fix that. Well, okay, how would you fix the drought problem in California, Ricky?

First thing that comes to mind with this buzz on is big fucking fans. Big, big fucking fans. You put them up high enough that they blow rain clouds down there, rain on the fucking place for a few days. Fans. Fans in the sky. Ricky, do you know how big the fucking fan would have to be to blow clouds down to California? They'd build big fucking shipboys. No, Ricky, I'm talking... Aircraft characters, all that shit. They build that shit.

They can build a big fucking fan that's big and high, bigger and taller than the CN Tower, and it blows fucking clouds. Maybe it moves, so it kind of blows the clouds and follows them and keeps blowing them until they get to where you need them. We're just fucking shooting out ideas here, guys. I got a good buzz on and I think-

That's one of the dumbest things you've ever said. Maybe that's the fucking cure for everything, isn't it? Cure for everything? What do you mean? You got a desert? Not anymore. Blow a cloud down there. Now it's fucking nice and wet,

grass is growing, people living there. Time for my drink and nap. I'll be good in about an hour. All right, Ricky. Take a nap and I'll get reconfigured here. What does that mean, we're done now? Ricky. Why didn't you just go into the living room, go on the fucking sofa?

Look at that, he's out already. For those of you that can't see what's happening right now, Ricky has climbed into his sink, and he's laying on his dirty dishes to have a nap. What do you mean, turn into a lady? He's now Caitlyn, and he's happy, and he's fucking helping people. He's a lady now. I got a pretty serious buzz on here right now.

What the fuck are you talking about? You don't know about this. Bruce Jenner, you know, the Olympic guy you're talking about. Who the fuck Bruce Jenner is, yes. He's turned into a lady. How? Well, he takes the, you know, I think they give him the injections to give him the boobs. The hormones and stuff, yeah.

Oh, okay, so this was his choice. He didn't just wake up and go, holy fuck. No, he just didn't. He was turned into a lady with magic. No, he didn't turn into one overnight. Okay, good, because that would fucking freak you the fuck out for sure. So you're telling me he wanted to become a lady and... He's always felt like he was a woman, Ricky.

His entire life. You do? You did? No, I'm talking about Caitlyn here. But you said I've always felt like I'm a woman. No, I said he. I think you said I. Fucking good for him. It's great for him. Is he happy? Is she happy? Fuck, looks like he's having a good time. See, you're fucking me up. Did they do the wiener work

on him already? I don't think they got into the wiener work, man. I don't... How does that work? What do they do the wiener work on him already? I don't think they got into the wiener work, man. How does that work? What do they do with that? They just split it around the middle? You know, like when they take the cigar and they cut it to make a blunt? They do that with your wiener. They dump out the insides and they tuck her up inside there, sew her together, make a little thing.

I mean, how many times have you pissed yourself? Well, you know what? I'd say I average once a month, maybe. Times that by... Still, or when you were little? Off and on. Let's talk about something else. Ricky, do you piss yourself once a month?

Probably not, but you know, sometimes you get pretty drunk and you're like, fuck. You're laying there, so fucked up, your like, body's stoned, going, I cannot get out of the car to piss. I'll deal with it in the morning. So you piss yourself in the car, so the car that I ride in the backseat of is saturated in piss? No, no, I mean, whatever I'm wearing absorbs most of it.

It's just pretty much pure alcohol anyway. It evaporates. Did you know he was pissing in the car? I didn't know, Pops. I didn't. Once in a fucking while, guys. Come on. All right, let's just change the subject. Ricky, if you piss in the car once, it's over. I mean, you got to do something about it. You got to clean it or whatever.

Depends if you sleep on your back, on your front, or on your side. And normally, when I'm not drunk, I sleep on my back. Lucky for you. Meaning you back, on your front, or on your side. And normally, when I'm not drunk, I sleep on my back. Lucky for you. Meaning you pissed all over your own stomach and chest? Well, then it would run off, but it would get caught up in your shirt and your pants. Usually I'm wearing underwear, so that's three different things that's gonna soak it up. He has a whole system for pissing himself in the car. Like, if he's on his back and he's got on underwear

and pants and a shirt, that's a deciding foul. Yeah, you know what? I think I got enough on here to absorb her. I'm just gonna fuck piss right here. Bubs, have you ever eaten fucking four weed brownies and gone to sleep? It's pretty much impossible to get up and piss. Trust me.

But you can't hold your piss? For so many times, so many hours, but fuck, you got an eight hour fucking buzz on from four weed brownies, buddy. Loo-lee-lee-lee-lee chicken. What? I don't know, boys. Fuck.

Sweet, Ricky. Did you just make that up? Is that a song? I was writing that song last night because I thought there's so many dumb songs that I could write a better one. And that was an original one there. The Luli Luli Luli Chicken.

How does it go? Luli Luli Luli Chicken. What's Luli Luli mean? I don't know, it's like the Lulis. Yeah, what's a Luli though? I don't know what a Luli is. That island. They wear all the grass skirts.

Hawaii? Luli? It's Hawaii. Hawaiian chicken. Luli, luli, luli chicken. What did you think luli meant? See, this is what I didn't want to happen. I got too fucked up and now I'm looking like an idiot again. So I'm fucking leaving with my bone shakers.

Just one second, Ricky, before you go. Just tell me what you, before you go. Just tell me what you thought luli was. It's just the type of, that's what they call the people of Hawaii sometimes, lulis, isn't it? Lulis. Okay, so even if that was the fucking case, which it's not, they don't call Hawaiian people lulis.

Luli hoops. That's hula hoop. Hula hoop. And that's not native to Hawaii. I don't believe that was created in Hawaii. Anyway, even if it was a person, luli, what does luli, luli, luli, chicken mean? I don't remember why I came up with the words or what I was thinking about.

I guess it's a little chicken running around in Hawaii. You're hungry and you're like trying to call him over to catch him. So you're saying, Lully, Lully, Lully, chicken. Chasing after him. Then he turns around and is like, hey, what's that?

Someone's calling me. And then you got him. And then you eat him? I haven't written the rest of the song yet, but we could have that. Can you sing it one more time? Just one more time. Let's end this, man.

People better not think that this is Dom again, because then it's like, oh yeah, Ricky's Dom. No, I love the song. It's catchy. Loo-lee, loo-lee, loo-lee, chicken. Loo-lee, loo-lee, loo-lee, chicken. All right, this is fine. I gotta leave. I look Dom again, don't I? Fuck.

Loo-lee, loo-lee, loo-lee, chicken. Loo-lee, loo-ony, loony, loony chicken. Loony, loony, loony chicken. A loony, loony, loony chicken. Okay, we'd like to welcome our first guest ever. This is awesome. To the Trailer Park Boys podcast. I am fucking excited. Randy!

What? Get in here, bud. What are you talking about? Please, welcome. Hey, guys. Oh, my fuck. Are you What? Get in here, bud. What are you talking about? Please, welcome. Hey, guys. Oh, my fuck. Are you snow? How's it going?

Where is he? Ricky. Ricky. Ricky, what the frick are you doing? Randy, you can't sit over there. What do you think this microphone and seat's for? He's not a fucking guest. He's a fucking idiot.

Frick off, Ricky. Randy, don't fuck around with me right now. Boys. I'm not doing this with fucking Randy. Ricky, just relax. I said guest. I thought you were going to get like a fucking hockey. Frick off, Ricky. Randy, don't fuck around with me right now. Boys. I'm not doing this with fucking Randy. Ricky, just relax. I said guest. I thought you were gonna get a fucking hockey player, a music person, a fucking actor.

I'm a guest. Dick. Okay, we're supposed to talk about current events. Can I make something clear first? Yes, sir. When I mean guest, I mean guest, not fucking some dick ass cheeseburger fuck locker from the trailer park.

I think next time I want a real fucking guest. I tried to get Rocky Balboa. See, that was for your fucking guest. Showed us some fucking knockout moves. I did, I did. I tried to call Sylvester Stallone. What did he say? Oh, I didn't get a hold of him. You can't just call him up. I just got on the internet and, you know,

typed in Sylvester Stallone's phone number, and one came up, so I dialed it, but I think it was a... I think it was a porno site or something. Because it sounded like Rocky, but he was saying dirty things. Like what? Like, hey, you looking to get banged? Maybe that's why he hooks now. Who knows?

Ricky, Sylvester Stallone is not a male prostitute. I hate to tell you. I think everyone's a male prostitute for the right price. I've been a male prostitute. Yeah, we're fucking fully aware of that. Pays good money. Listen. Holy fuck, Ricky.

Oh, he's out fucking cold. For those of you who can't see what's happening right now, Ricky is sleeping at the table with his fucking feet up. Ricky. Ricky, Ricky. Jesus Christ, Ricky. Fuck! Fuck!

Man, he's down. He's down, folks. Did you hurt yourself? Boys, that fucking sucked. Jesus Christ, Ricky. Here, get out! For fuck's sake! Here, give me your hand.

What the fuck are you doing? Wipe the drool off your face. Look at the camera. You were drooling. Fuck, that hurt a lot, boys. Fuck, look at that bruise, man. What did you hurt? Jesus Christ. Hands, ass, back, leg, and shoulder.

What's Sweden like? I don't like Sweden. They like to take you to jail for going to Sweden for having weed in your system. Oh, yeah, I saw that on the news. They were fucking with you, weren't they? I can't fucking go to Sweden, man. They pulled me out the car and took me to jail? I can't fucking go to Sweden, man. They pulled me out the car and took me to jail,

so be prepared to go to jail, fellas. Oh, Ricky's definitely in jail. Oh my God, Ricky, we can't take you to Sweden. Boys, you said dope was cool everywhere over there. And they gonna make you pee in the cup or even give them some blood. What the fuck are we going to Sweden for? I don't know. That sounds fucked.

We're gonna have to be really careful over there. That's a big fuck-up. All that shit. Do you enjoy cheese? Do you like cheese? I love cheese. I do too, right? I love cheese. We just read this. There's a place now making fucking cheese out of pig milk.

What the fuck? What? Yeah, it's real. It's real. There's a place making cheese using pig milk. It might be good, though. It might taste a little bit like bacon. That motherfucking bacon, that porky pig good as a motherfucker. Would you cook porky pig if you could?

Hell yeah, I'd put some maple syrup on his ass. You imagine cooking porky pig. That would be fucked up. Bubbles, you're big, though. You're fucking mine right now. I know, but, I mean, it would be hilarious to cock him, really. Here we go. Bubbs, just settle the fuck down.

It was nice enough to fucking get on here, and now you're getting all crazy. I'd love to see you, you know, Bubbles, I'd love to see you see four feet in front of you, let alone find your way to me. That's fucking hilarious. Really fucking hilarious. What the fuck is going on here?

Mr. Jokes. You know what? It's because he made those hockey movies. Now he's like all cocky. Yeah, he's Mr. Jokes now, isn't he? He's turning into a dick now. Well, he's not. It was a cool video. It was kind of funny. It's Johnny Jokes.

Johnny Jokes. Ronnie's cousin. Ronnie Jokes. That's right. I like that. Ronnie Jokes. Ronnie Jokes is dead, man. This is Johnny's world, okay? I want you to know something.

This is Johnny Jokes' world. You're all just living in it. At first I thought it was a dumb name. I thought it was just a burger that kind of was on a wall that made no sense to me. But then I found out it was Marchie Mark and then it made more sense because it's, you know, after their name, they just added E-R-S.

So it is kind of cool now. They're probably good, I mean, he's pretty rich. He probably makes a pretty good fucking burger, I'm guessing, I don't know. Rikki thought it was a burger that got served on the wall. That's what he thought it was. Made by Marchy Mark.

And in fact, who owns it? Who, yeah, who owns it, Rikki, who was that? Marchy Marsh. March that? Marchy Marsh. Marchy Mark. In the funk bunch. Marky Mark in the funky bunch? You're close. Yes, it is that guy.

It's Mark Wahlberg. Marchy Mark. I know who the fuck it is. That's where they got the name. Wahlberg, Wahlburgers, you know? He used to sing a lot of his songs just in his underwear. Not Marchy Mark. Marchy Mark was in the pipe band.

He would go in the braids. That's Marchie Mark. Okay, well, maybe I fucked that up. Marchie Mark was in one of the biggest pipe bands in the world. They marched all every parade. You can name a fucking parade. I don't fucking know, Pops. There was a time where Marchie Mark was the name in Fife and Drum music.

Absolutely. See, he knows his history. The best thing I've heard all day is that you've got two ghosts. What are they called? Paul and Stanley. Wow. But not Paul Stanley. No, not Paul Stanley.

That guy's from Kiss. It'd be awesome if Paul Stanley was a ghost. I know. Just Paul Stanley with a sheet over his head. Can you imagine being haunted by Paul Stanley? That would be the best thing ever, right? He'd be just running around banging broads. He'd be stirring his fucking eye.

Just there at night going, come on! He'd have a sheet over his head and then with a little hole cut out like a star. It would be amazing. And then Gene would be next to him with his tongue coming through like a glory hole. I like this Buckingham Palace idea. What's the Buckingham Palace? It's where the Queen lives. I used to work there. I worked for the Queen once.

Fuck off! I do hospitality. For the Queen? Yeah, for the Queen. That's pretty bad. There's like a big event there. He better be careful what he says. I was looking after the queen. Looking after her?

In what way? Well, anything she needed. I heard she was a wild one. Is she wild? She used to be wild. She was standing up in her slippers in the morning. Ah. Was she doing forward rolls?

She had like, you can't say stuff like that. This is our queen. Don't give these guys ammunition. She in a litter. I love the queen. She asked for a drink in the the morning about gin and tonic No, and then I had to go to Queens. Okay. What time were you serving these drinks at? This is important This it was out of my way. It was it was after 12 after 12. Are you sure?

Oh, see that now I love the Queen. I love the Queen way more. I got a lot more respect for the Queen No, he said it was 11 the other day. Yeah, I know, but you know. Did she have ice? Did she have ice? She didn't drink. Ice in her drink. No, she didn't have ice.

What? What did she drink again? Gin and tonic. She asked for brandy but we didn't have any brandy. So I had to say, I'm really sorry, Mum. Did you call her Mum? Mum! Really sorry, Mum. We don't have any brandy. Mum. I don't know if I really sorry, Mum. You should call her Mum, not Mum. Mum! Really sorry, Mum.

We don't have any brand name. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum.

Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum.

Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. I would have had to do it, done it. Really? She could say, chop me up some, chop me up some Gak. She could. Somebody would have to bring it, the royal Gak. Gak? What's Gak? Her security guard, he's like really posh.

Gak? What's Gak? It's what we in London call drugs, innit? Oh, drugs, like her drugs. Her security guard looked me up and down and was like, you're a short fella, have you considered being a jockey? Are you Mexican? Did he make you ride him around? Yeah.

Yeah. Bubbles, what are these sheets you printed? Some really fucked up things on here. Don't go breaking my shrimp. Bothan or bothan or whatever the fuck. B-O-F-F-I-N, name is crustacean after Elton John's appendage. Which appendage?

It's cock. That's what he's probably talking about. I think. Yeah, they found this new type of shrimp that's got this big wang on it. And the scientist who discovered it, he always listened to Elton John in his lab. Okay. So he named the official scientific name of the crustacean is, what is it? Leucotho eltoni. scientific name of the crustacean is, what is it?

Leucotho eltoni. See, you just printed these fucked up stories out because you knew I was going to be baked into my goddamn mind. Yeah, look, so that's an Elton John crab with a big wang. Elton John shrimp, I mean. That is the most fucked up, man. Probably heard in a while. It's real, too. It'd be cool if you had that shrimp

named after your wang, no? Why would that be cool? You don't think it would be cool to have a shrimp named after your wang? Like with a real scientific name? Oh, man. Leucotho juliano? What was his fight? Let's move on to something else, man.

Let's move on to something else. Maybe I don't want to move on to something else. You want to keep talking about shrimp's w Elton John swings and wing wing wing. We should get really big to take out one of those swan boats. Holy fuck. What? Don't they have swan boats here? The ones you paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle?

Swan boat? Well, you know, just one of those boats that you get going with your feet. Why is it a swan boat, Ricky? Well, you know I like swans. And if they have those, I'd prefer to get one of those. What was your thing with swans, man? Every time we go somewhere, you want to go fucking see the swans. It's fucked. They're glorious.

Glorious birds. But why? What makes them glorious? I think it's their necks. They're really big. They can do all these weird things with their neck. Didn't you wish you had a neck like that when you were young? No, man. I've never thought about having a fucking neck like a swan.

Are you kidding me? You are fucked. What are you talking about? I think the muffins are kicking in, boys. Great. And the cookies. And the cookies. And everything else.

I think I'm too far tough to continue. No, you're not. What are you talking about? We're just having a great time. Ricky. Okay. So you wanted to have a neck like a swan when you were younger?

That's fucked. Why would you want a neck like a swan, Ricky? So he can see behind you. Ricky, stop it, please. You're killing me. Boys, I don't think I've ever been this high. Oh, yes, you have, Ricky. I thought I had, but I can't make stuff like this.

I've made a lot of stuff in my day, boys, but this, wow. These people know what they're doing. I need a lot more booze, guys. Like, soon. I need to eat, and I can't eat anything else with weed in it. Yeah? Should we finish that joint? I want to keep talking about the snow. off. Yeah. Should we finish that joint? I want to keep talking about the swan.

No. Okay. I just assume that when you see a swan, how fucking cool they are. They're a big bird with a long neck, kind of like a giraffe, and they can turn around and look behind them. Like a what?

A giraffe. A giraffe. What's a giraffe? The fucking horses with the long necks. It's a giraffe, Ricky, and it's not a horse with a long neck. They're way bigger than horses,cks. It's a giraffe, Ricky, and it's not a horse with a long neck. They're way bigger than horses, man. It's a giraffe. It's a totally different kind of animal.

So because you like giraffes with the long neck, you want it to have a swan neck. We can't talk about this anymore, boys. Oh, I think we should get to the bottom of it. Haven't we already? I don't know, have we? Yes, we have. We still don't understand why you want it to have a swan neck. I just think it's cool they can look behind them, look around.

They can almost do a 360 with their necks. I know, but when you're saying you wanted a swan neck, did you want your neck to be, like, you know, four or five feet long? Well, just all of a sudden, there's something up here, and you're like, you can't see it. You're just like, ooh. Oh, boys, we gotta stop talking about swans, please.

Okay? No more. It's like a snail has like a slinky neck that can turn right around. A slinky neck. Their neck's not like a slinky. It can expand and go back. No, it can't.

Ricky, they don't have a fucking accordion neck. All right, well, it looks like it when you're super big. They can definitely turn around completely, I think. What other animal necks do you like? That's my favorite. The swan and the drac. What necks do you like? I'm not really into necks.

I've never really thought about it. The Harvard debate team. Did you hear about that? Who are they? Who cares? Harvard debate team. Oh, the about that? Who are they? Who cares? Harvard debate team. Oh, the big fucking university smartsy pants. Fuck off.

Yeah, and they were the top debate team. They had the national title. They got beat by another debate team. Guess where they were from? Where? Prison. So those guys beat the fuck out of them? You know what?

It's probably good for those Harvard guys to get the shit fucking kicked out of them once in a while. Just to bring them down a little, I'll say. Hey, we're not better than everyone else. We're just a fucking debate team from a fucking school. We're not better than anyone else. Ricky, they didn't physically beat them up. Oh.

They out-debated them. They beat them at debating, is what I'm saying. See, I've said that plenty of times. There's a fucking lot of smart people in jail than a lot of universities and colleges. Yeah, too bad they're in jail. I think that's pretty amazing. Smart people in jail like that, they should be... Or it also could mean that people in Harvard are just a bunch of rich, spoiled fuckheads

that don't deserve to be there, maybe. Yeah, there's probably some students that are like that, but probably not all of them, man. Julian doesn't want to piss off Harvard. I don't give a fuck about Harvard. They're never gonna get in there. I don't care. They can suck it. Everyone that goes there can suck it. Don't care. Men and women can suck it?

No, just the guys. Oh, just the guys? You guys know what I mean. They can suck it, can't they? No, no, I don't want to be mean to the ladies. Just the guys. No, but I believe what you said was... I didn't mean to... They all can suck it. Who? Oh be mean to the ladies. Just the guys. No, but I believe what you said. They all can suck at who?

Just the guys. You slip up once around you guys and look what happens. I didn't mean to suck them. I'm saying they can suck it or whatever. What's it? It's down there. You're telling them to line up? No, I'm not, man.

Julian wants all the fellas at Harvard. I'm sure there's not a lot of nice people there, OK? I'm just saying, if you're one of those people that Ricky talked about, the Richie asshole ones, they can fuck off. There probably is some nice people there. They're all open to give you suck jaws. Fuck off, pups.

Right? No. Mm-hmm. All right, moving on. I'm just not the right fucking tool. I am not sharp enough to cut through metal. Well, Ricky, you know how you think that's that thing talking to you? Yeah.

It's actually, you're just thinking. That's just called thinking. It's not a jar opener talking to you. You're thinking out loud, man. Telepathically or anything. Holy fuck. Okay. Alright, I'm taking, good job with this one, bubs.

Good job, bubs. Nice facts, buddy. Tim Robbins' birthday. Oh, Jesus, Ricky. Are you kidding me? Like, was that necessary? Holy fuck, man. I wanted to prove I could fucking do it.

I fucked up. Well, I guess that's the end of that fucking podcast. Turn it off. I think I broke my shoulder. Well, of course you broke something, you dumbass. I wasn't done either. Tim Robbins' birthday. Didn't even get to talk about Tim Robbins' birthday.

I don't give a fuck. Or Suzanne Somers. Who gives a fuck? We're done. Call a fucking ambulance. Call an ambulance. Here, fix the table. Fix the leg. Over there, other side.

Jesus Christ, she's sleeping on a handgun. Here, just wait. Are you kidding me? I don't want to startle him, for fuck's sakes. Ricky. Ricky. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, Ricky. Ricky. Ricky. Ricky. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, Ricky!

Would you stop falling asleep on handguns, you stupid idiot? You kidding me? Why would you use a fucking handgun as a pillow? I thought the fucking safety was on. I must have turned it off in my sleep. I thought someone was fucking coming to the trailer last night.

Is that my fucking donor from last night? Nice. Ricky, you love it when you wake up and you forgot to eat something and then it's still there and you can eat it for breakfast? Love it. That looks disgusting, man. Bubby, you got me a beer, good man.

Starting to figure out the way I operate. I didn't pull you, that's been sitting there since last night and I think you re-oiled it as an ashtray, too. Yeah, that's fucking warm. It says it's blocking out 22% of the light, and that's bigger than what Jupiter would block out, so it has to be... So you're trying to tell me this is a ship bigger than fucking Juniper. Maybe.

That is fucked. I'm just saying that's a theory. My theory is it's a fucking 900-foot alien dancing from a fucking asteroid. There could be 900-foot aliens, Ricky. I don't know, man. Well, if they're building something that big, they've got to be pretty fucking asteroid. There could be 900-foot aliens. I never know, man. Well, if they're building something that big, they've got to be pretty fucking tall. Like, probably the fucking Jolly Green fucking giant

and his magical beans. That's probably where he came from. Whatever fucking planet you're talking about, that's probably where he came from. Now he's fucking telling his... Oh, the Jolly Green giant? Fucking vegetables to everybody. You think the Jolly Green giant's an alien?

Well, he's not from fucking earth look the size of the cocksucker he just made up to sell corn niblets ricky why does it make sense maybe he's an alien and he fucking that's what they have lots of and he came down knows how to fucking cook them better than anyone gets us all addicted and he's like come with me if you want fucking more of this shit i'm cutting you. Everyone goes with him to his planet. Ricky, the Jolly Green Giant, he's not like a living fucking being, okay? Wait a second, you think the Jolly Green Giant's an alien

that's really good at cooking corn, and he's down here and he made corn for everybody to get them addicted so he could say, guess what, no more corn unless you come with me back to my planet. Turns him into fucking corn slaves. I'd probably have to go. I can't live without corn.

I fucking love corn. He should be right moving. I know, man. You're so addicted to corn, you would leave the earth to get it? Depends what the terms were. You can't be addicted to corn. There's no way. Cheese, too.

I couldn't live without cheese. If there was a cheese alien, I'd be fucking gone. I would be. Think about that, no more pizza, no more slices of cheese with your pepperoni. So if cheese all of a sudden ceased to be on earth. Yep. And a cheese alien came who said,

I've got all the cheese you can imagine. Yeah. Up in cheese land. Come with me. You would fucking head up to the cheese planet. I'd work out some kind of a fucking deal. I'll come with you to your fucking little cheese plant. I'm going to grow some dope, blow your fucking head off with it, and you're going to fucking just trade me cheese,

and we're going to be friends. Hey, guys. Oh, fuck off. I'm not fucking dealing with you right now. I'm too hungover, you dick. That's too bad. Ricky can... No, no, no.

What are you doing? SwearNet called me up, and they said that I'm running the podcast today. What the fuck are you talking with bubbles is running the podcast no he's not bubbles is not here i'm running the podcast and you're constantly fucked up so they want it to get run right and they said i should come in they look they paid me in food this is breakfast and i'm gonna get more actually from lunch and supper and they gave me joints this is like i already smoked three, but this is this is left. I can't even fucking listen to you right now

Would you get that away from you Randy? All right, I think Julian's wrong. We gotta sit here. We gotta thank our sponsor We already did thank them. Liquorman's old Canadian dirty whiskey Randy? Freakin' You look like shit on this, Ricky. So thanks for tuning in to the podcast, and I'm sure that you guys are gonna enjoy this. Fuck off! What the fuck are you doing, Ricky?

I was trying to take this thing off so I could fucking fight you. You are so fucking stupid, Randy. You fucking dumb. All right, are the cameras off for fuck's sake? Yeah, I don't want to fight you on camera, so I don't get fucking embarrassed. You can fight, boys. I'm not gonna fight you on camera. I'm not Randy, you fucking dumb. All right, are the cameras off for fuck's sake?

Yeah, I don't want to fight you on camera, so I don't get a fucking embarrassment. Let's fight, boys. Get the shit out. Friggin'... Friggin' off! Friggin'... Friggin'... That's my food, Ricky! Hey, on the podcast, we have James Leahy,

drunk trailer park supervisor of the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, severe alcoholic. Mr. Leahy, how you doing? Doing 10 out of 10 of those. How drunk are you today, sir? I'm off liquor. Yeah. No, he tried to tempt me with little liquor mints, but I haven't had a drink.

In how long, about what, 20 minutes? I just pretend, here's what you do. Here's how you do it, pretend. You go like this. And you suck the air out of the bottle like this. And you let it back in, and it pops and buckles and people. Oh, so you didn't just have a big snap of liquor there. That was just...

No, it's a trick. Knock, knock. Who was there? Juno. Juno. Juno, where I can get a little drinky poo around here. You want to hear one of my cleaner jokes? What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet?

Supplies! Jesus Christ. That's a cleaner joke, get it? Yeah, I get it. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. He's a real fucking comedian. Whoa kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Yes. Fuck. There he goes. Just finished almost three quarters of a quart of fucking Leckerman's old dirty Canadian whiskey. How the fuck are you still alive? How do you do that? Keith Richards can't do that. Nobody can do that, Bubbles. Nobody. It's impossible. And you did it without getting a liquor surge, too.

Or even spilling it. That's impressive. You want me to see you do a wraparound? Holy fuck. I haven't seen you this big in a while. I'm on a podcast. This is my theory for a podcast, people. It's going to be a long fucking day today, Sunnyvale.

Listen, Ricky, your eyes aren't all red and puffy like they usually are because you're stoned or you're shit-dry. You keep losing it when you do your little podcast here. Do you, Ricky? I am normally pretty fucked up right now. I'm actually waiting on some hash to be delivered. You're waiting on some hash to be delivered. You smoked it all.

And you say that in the fucking air. And you're gonna bring the shit in the heat right in the fucking Sunnyvale. Fuck talking about dope. And you leave this shit on the table. What the fuck is that, Ricky? What is the fuck in that? Ricky? What is the fucking that? And joints and everything. Look at fucking five people make her toys.

And this, you know what that is? This is a fucking piece of shit, Randy. You guys are fucked. You guys are fucked. I just want to point out. That's why you're not allowed to have a fucking broadcast in the center of your trailer park because fucking ISIS will come here

and the whole language of security will come here and they'll shut the whole fucking big building down. I just want to point out, when you arrived here, you were somewhat calm. I wasn't. I was upset. You were somewhat calm and respectful. Then you chugged almost three-quarters of a quart of liquor, and now look at you. You're a fucking asshole.

You're all fucking revved up, throwing things. It was watered down. It was watered down. You know I fucking watered down. Do you have any more fun facts? Yeah, man, I'm just gonna talk about fun. Yes, I do. I do have fun facts here. I got fun facts fucking galore.

Well, a human skeleton was found in a couch. Six pounds. Oh. What? Six pounds? Thought you were gonna ask how much it weighed. Six pounds. How do you know how much a skeleton weighs, Ricky? It's just a gas, actually.

Well, it is six pounds, so now I'm starting to wonder. That's amazing. How you know that? Well, because it was probably baked. Somebody told me, and once you're baked, someone tells you some shit, sometimes it just sticks like fucking a boss to butter. Boss to butter.

Okay. Let's just keep going. What is this? There's a skeleton found in a sofa. Somebody found a skeleton in a couch left on the side of the highway. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Was it a hide-a-bed or just a normal couch?

See, that's a pretty good question. I wasn't expecting that. Does it make a difference, Ricky? I wonder if people are, like, actually using that sofa. They would, you know, cruise over. I was just thinking. Wait, I want to know why Ricky asked that. Because a lot of people fuck up sometimes.

They're sleeping on it. It goes down. Folds back in. Jesus. Take that. They might end up in the bed. They're sleeping on it goes down folds back Roll something normal that's not gonna take her heads off. Are you fucking kidding me? You know I was wearing sunglasses or did that just happen? Just put them on, because you're freaking me out a little bit. Wait a second, so you think maybe somebody was laying on the bed and they got accidentally folded inside? And something ate the whole body except the head? Or it just rotted? Ricky?

Ricky, don't you think? Jesus. I mean, if somebody, you know, got trapped in their hide-a-bed. Okay. I don't know if that's what happened. Maybe somebody just dropped a skull on a fucking couch and someone found it. No, they found a skeleton, not a head. Okay, so that makes sense. So someone did get fooled up in a fucking thing and they rotted to death.

And then somebody found it years later. It's probably a hide-a-bed from the 70s. Could have been that fucking missing mafia guy. Who knows? Who? Jimmy Hoffa? Yeah. That's what happened to him.

Are you kidding me? There's no way it's Jimmy Hoffa. You know how fucking long they've been looking for that motherfucker? Wouldn't that be awesome? How much money was poured into the investigation? Well, you'd never find him. He's pulled up a fucking hide-a-bed. He's down on a fucking hide-a-bed sofa. Side of the road.

Jimmy Harvey was found today. Contact the family. He wasn't killed after all. He fucked up. He passed out and got folded up in a sofa bed. Wow. And he was in the dump for the last, fuck, 35 years. That's fucked up.

I bet it happens all the fucking time. All right, Puzz, we got to sign off now. We're all done. We got to get him down. He's going to roll over and hurt himself. Puzz, he's not going to move. How'd he even get up there? I don't know, man.

I went for a piss. I got back. He was up there. How did he get up there? All I heard him do was go, ugh! And I turned around, and there he was. He must How did he get I thought I heard him do was go and I turned around and There he was he must have did it in one leap Somehow cuz I didn't even hear him

Doing it. All right, so just take his head off that thing. Will you? I'm talking cuz I wanted it not cuz you told me to well, I didn't really tell you to do it. Did I? All right, I want you guys to zoom in there after I sit down. Just, you know, make sure that's all in focus. Julian. What? You're getting real greasy. No, it's work, buddy.

Some of us like to party all the time. I like to party and work. He's fucked. Ricky. Ricky! Ricky! Rick, just go back to sleep. Nothing could happen, right? Nothing? Just go back to sleep. Everything's cool.

Happy New Year, boys. Happy New Year, bud. See, I told you you wouldn't fall.