Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 22 - The Muthaf**kas Of Invention

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

It's time to get learnt with Ricky, Julian and Bubbles about the world's greatest inventions, including dynamite, screw tops and Edison's electric knob. Also: Road Rage Refs, Tickle Me Elmo, and Cory's DIY dentistry!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. How you guys feeling today, huh? High as a kite, bud. High as a fucking kite. I like it. It's just one of those days, man. How high up in the sky is the kite? It's pretty high up there.

I'd say 1,000 feet. What are you doing with your little ball cap? Bob's what the fuck? Like, why? Why? Why were you doing that? What was I doing? It was annoying.

Whatever it was, you were... Oh, I was screwing it on and taking it off. Look at that. Why? What was going through your head? Thinking of the physics behind it. Whoever invented the screw tops, pretty smart. Welcome to the perk after the dark on October the 21st.

Can't believe it's this late already. Who did invent the screw top, man? Jimmy Screw. Reggie Top. Why don't you look it up in your smart box? Jimmy Screw and Reggie Top, they partnered up and invented the screw top. You know you're big when you're fucking Googling who invented the screw top cap. Invented the screw cap.

Must have been somebody after Billy Cork. Yeah, Billy Cork started the whole trend of closing up bottles. But he became obsolete. Until Jimmy Screw and Reggie Cap came along. A guy named William Painter. William Painter didn't invent the screw top, did he? He did, man. 1892.

He invented a bunch of shit. It's been around for a long time. He stopped painting, probably. No, it's not spelled like that. Pull up his... Old pry-offs and twist-offs. Pull up his other inventions, Willie Painter. He invented a whole bunch of shit. Smart guy. Pull up his other inventions. Willie Painter.

He invented a whole bunch of shit. Smart guy. Are you serious? Yes. Willie Painter, he's right up there with fucking Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison. Thomas Edelman? Edison. Thomas Edison, you know how he invented the light bulb?

He was wiring copper wire. He was nuts. Tried to give himself a jolt. I don't believe you, man. He was. He couldn't get his wiener heard, so he was putting electrodes on his nuts to see if he could blast it up, and his knob lit up.

Are you serious? What? Yeah, that's how he invented the light bulb. Are you shitting with me right now? No. His knob started glowing. He's like, I'm he invented the light bulb. Are you shitting with me right now? No. His knobs started glowing. He's like, I'm going to invent a light bulb. There's no fucking way that's true.

It's a good story, though. Thomas Edison couldn't get his wiener heard. Trying to wire up a thing to get his... I've never heard that story. Yeah. Knobs started glowing. He's like, holy fuck. This is a million dollar idea. Same sort of principle as Rudolph's like, holy fuck, this is a million-dollar idea. Same sort of principle as Rudolph's nose, I guess.

Similar. You know what? The screw cap was actually first introduced in the 1950s. 19? So, yeah. So, he was just like, let's do this. And then it just kind of went away. He was probably too fucked up to get a prototype.

How do you make a prototype back then? Right, man. You know, you have to whittle it. Hard to whittle a screw cap. Fucking very interesting shit here, man. What else did Willie Painter invent? All right, how do you, like, what are you talking about? Just search Willie Painter inventions.

That's enough. No, but he invented a whole bunch. He just put in Willie Painter inventions. Willie Painter. He invented some big stuff, not maybe as big as the airplane or stuff like that. You're not wasting my fucking time. Maybe it was just household items. Painter.

Like the slap chop. I don't think he invented that. But it was like fucking back in the 1800s books. They had slap chops in the 1800s. They didn't have fucking slap chops, man. They did. Okay. They had springs back then. We have Willie Painter.

Okay. Yeah, he's a fortune 500 company man back in the day, huh? Oh, fuck. And it's not just bottle caps. No, I'm trying to think. He invented something way bigger than the bottle cap. If he's Fortune 500, yeah. It's bigger than a bottle cap. Bob, so you didn't invent anything.

He didn't invent anything. You didn't? No, man. So you became that wealthy from a bottle cap? Wow. See, a simple idea fucking blew up, man. That's what I keep trying to tell you guys. Doesn't take fucking much.

This is a bit of a weird one. This bakery in San Francisco that made a pan solo. Oh, hand solo pan bread? Yeah. Six foot high hand solo when he was cryptogelatically frozen. He was in carbonite. Okay. Well, it looks kind of like that, except it's made out of bread.

It took weeks to fucking... Han Solo. So I was thinking, well, that's kind of fucked. Why would you do that? But apparently they're entering it in the annual scarecrow contest. Really? Yeah. It wouldn't be a very good scarecrow if it's made of bread.

That's going to attract them. That's what I'm sort of thinking. I fucked up. There's more to this painter guy. Yes. You're right, man. I knew it. Willie Painter. Yeah. He invented a paper folding machine and the safety

injection sieve for most fucking trains. What? A what? Safety injection seat for fucking trains? Injection or ejection? Ejection. That's a big fuck up. Ejection seat for trains. That's pretty fucked up.

I wouldn't think that'd be a very big seller. Well, when would you use it? And there's another machine detecting counterfeit currency. Oh, yeah. That's the one I'm thinking of, I think. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame back in 2006. Willie Painter.

What a fucking champ that guy was. If you were going to enter into a scarecrow contest, what would you build? Probably not a bread sculpture. No. No. Probably something doused in crow poison. Yeah, that might work. You know, like a big lump of poison. Crow poison.

I'll fucking teach them. Eh? Crow poison. Big lump of crow poison. But make it look like a big gumdrop. Big delicious gumdrop. You could sculpt a Julian out of clay, cover him with peanut butter and crow poison.

That would get the crows coming. What the fuck are you guys talking about, man? Crow poison. Why would you want to poison crows? Julian's muscles brings all the crows to the yard julian's muscles brings all the boys to the yard yeah that's the problem you'd have crows in guys what boys how did it go from fucking crow poison like i don't even know why you're talking about crow poison. Like, what are you, like, I'm reading shit here.

The scarecrow competition. What would you build? A scarecrow competition? Yes. What the fuck would you want to even be involved in that? Well, that's what Pan Solo got entered into. Yeah. Brad Han Solo.

Pan Solo. Where have you been? I've been reading shit on fucking painter. You're down the rabbit hole, man. Beating off the Willie Painter. This is a little bit fucked. This Michigan home inspector just got convicted after masturbating with the client's Tickle Me Amidah.

People are sick, man. Yeah. What the fuck? What do you mean with it? Kevin Wayne Van Hoeven, I guess. Found guilty of aggravated indecent exposure. Kevin Wayne Van Hoogen, I guess. Found guilty of aggravated indecent exposure. Kevin Wayne Van Hoogen? He's doing a home inspection and all of a sudden

this woman gets an alert on her phone that somebody went into the nursery. So she's looking at her phone. Her husband's sitting across the room. He's like, what's going on? She couldn't even speak. Buddy had his cock inserted into Elmo's mouth. He was fucking Elmo. Right, man? I hope he's obviously... He's obviously.

He's like, hey, what's wrong? What are you looking at? She's like. Did he end up in jail? He's probably going to get a couple years. Can you imagine? What are you in for, bud? Well, fuck the client's Elmo doll in the mouth.

Got caught on camera. It was in the mouth. Yeah. Does it matter? Well. I don't think Elmo has mouths. mouth. Got caught on camera. It was in the mouth. Yeah. Does it matter? Well, I don't think Elmo has an ass. It kind of does, man. Where else would it be?

Where else would he be putting it? It's his ass, man, or something. Tickle me, Elmo doesn't have an ass. So he has a, he has a mouth. Oh, okay.

So then the cops came and they're like, yeah, so, do you want to tell us what happened with Elmo? He goes, oh, nothing. I had to move Elmo.

I wanted to look at an electrical circuit that he was blocking. And the cop's like, bud, she watched you on camera. Fuck his mouth. That is awesome. So then he's like, okay, it gigs up, I guess. It's a weird one. But it kind of makes you curious about what Elmo's mouth. When you said he could cut masturbating with Elmo,

I thought you meant he was doing that, and he had Elmo next to him, and he was doing it too. Like somebody dressed up as Elmo? Or just Tickle Me Elmo. Maybe it has that function if you press the right button. Maybe there's some special edition. Oh, man, there's no special edition about it

they're not gonna come up with a fucking tickle me Elmo dog jacks off and speaking of loads I just read this fucking story we weren't

well we were there's a guy this poor fucker he's allergic to his own fucking loads so he can't he's gotta avoid

why would he eat his own load anyway no he's no he's I'll put it another way he's got to avoid his girlfriend. Why would he eat his own load anyway? No, he's, no, he's, I'll put it another way. He's allergic to his own orgasm. So he blows it and then he's like, fuck, I'm sick. He's got the flu. He's got a headache. He's sweating.

He's got fucking muckiness. It is, man. He starts sneezing and coughing. There's got to be something else causing that. He's allergic to his load, man. Where is he shooting it, though? Shooting his what? Where is it going?

On his fucking body, I guess. I don't know. He can't do it. But you know what? He did find a doctor. He gave him a bunch of these antihistamines or something. Gone. He's back to banging.

What a great story. That's really to banging. What a great story. That's really fucked up. His girlfriend's happy. What did you Google to get that? It just came up, man. I'm fucking weird. On Willie Painter's page. No, man.

You were looking at Willie Painter, and then next thing. That's nothing to do with Willie. What, did you search load allergies? No, man. It just popped up. What happens if you eat your allergies? No, man. It just popped up. What happens if you eat your own load? I don't get into detailed searches.

I'm like, geez, I wonder if someone's allergic to their orgasms. Let me type that in. It popped up, you guys. Fuck. See, stuff like that never pops up, usually, for me. Well, you just got paper, though, Ricky. Yeah, I guess. You said it.

It's a big difference. I guess that's true. Nothing's going to pop up there. This is a weird one. This is on fucking Instagram. This eye doctor, did you hear about this? This woman went in. She was having some issues.

And they're like, well, you got a bunch of contacts stuck up in your eyelid. A bunch? For 23 days, she was putting contacts in in the morning, but she never took any of them out. She'd wake up and they were just gone, so she thought they were... Stockpiled, man. 23 lenses in her eye. She's like an eye squirrel.

23 lenses. How fucking... Doctor dug out of her fucking eyelid. And they'd be stuck. And it shows the video. I started watching. I had to fucking turn it off. It was kind of gross.

You know when they stick to your eyes? I saw a buddy take one out. It was just one like that. These were all stuck together. It was like a little layer of skin flapping off it was fucking gross you don't want 23 fucking contacts in her eye what a dummy she was saving up for winter like an eye squirrel no she was just not that bright she should not have contact no she was laser surgeries your next move lady if you're watching i doubt it doctors. The doctor's like, oh, well, you got con.

Oh, actually, you got a bunch of con. Oh, my God, yeah. She's like, oh, really? Wow. I had no fucking idea. Imagine how uncomfortable that would be. Imagine how stupid you'd have to be. That's what I want to get into.

Somebody should find out if she uses tampons. Ba-doop-boop. Ha-ha-ha. Get it? Bubs. There could be hundreds of them in there. Tampons? Yeah.

Oh. Get it? She doesn't know that when you put things in, they gotta come out. All right, Bubs. That was a pretty good joke. Yeah, maybe. No?

No. All right, fuck you then. I was just joking. This is a good lesson, Julian, next time you're doing a home invasion. Don't let the client slam the door in your hand. What? That's what happened in Burlington, North Carolina.

The client? It's not a client, I guess. No, man. It's the person you're robbing. Yeah, it's a victim. Anyway, they got in a fucking tussle. Gun went off, just nicked his chest, and he managed to get back in his house,

and he slammed the door in the buddy's hand. He fucking cut one of his fingers off. That's how they caught the motherfucker. They used the finger, got some fingerprints. The finger. It was a 67-year-old dude, dude. Give me back my finger. Nope.

How'd you catch me? I got it now. Got your finger, bud. Fingerprints. And you're missing one. In the investigative world. What a stupid idiot. See, there's too many dumb people out there, guys.

Way too many. I've had my hand slammed in the door before by people who never cut it off. Exactly. That's a hard slam. That's what I'm saying. Depends on what kind of door it is, too. It could be. It might have been, like, edged with glass.

It might have been, like, a, you know, a big metal storm door. Or razor blades on the edge of it. I think almost any door could take off a digit board. Not a screen door. A metal screen door? No. It's got a metal frame. No, you're not getting a finger off with that.

You put, let's do a test. No. You put your finger there. When I put the industrial spring on my screen door 10 years ago and you'd open it up and the thing would slam, like fucking almost take the trailer down. Yes, I do. That spring was too big.

Well, Ricky, it was a fucking spring off a trampoline. Yeah, it wasn't bright. I thought it was a spring off an old car fucking hood. No, it was a spring off a trampoline, but it was only, like, the one for the door was supposed to be longer. This one was short. So it already was torqued up at about fucking 300 fucking pounds. Before you even smashed the glass and now I got no screen door. Wow, what a nice story, boys.

Oh, sorry. Sorry, we're not... Hey, man, I'm just having fun over here. This fucking... Oh, man, this poor bastard. Imagine this. This poor motherfucker, this English dude. Dental problems. He can't get a fucking dentist.

Why? What does he do? I don't know, man. He couldn't afford it or he just couldn't get a fucking appointment book. So he starts taking his teeth out by himself. Yeah. Last 10 years, he's been ripping his own teeth out. Yeah, I know people.

He must not have many left. He might not have any left right now. I don't know. He fucking says, I drink a bunch of beer, then wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, and gets a pair of pliers.

Yeah, I know several people that have done that. Well, obviously he hasn't been brushing his fucking teeth or flossing, man. Ten years of this shit. You'd think after one he'd be like, all right, I'm going to go to the store,

get some dental floss and a toothbrush. Glenn Duggan pulled his teeth out. Yeah, but he was. So you get a toothache and rather than fix it, you just rip the fucking thing out. Rip the fucking thing out. Glenn Duggan pulled all his teeth out over about six hours. In six hours? Yeah. Got most teeth out over about six hours. In six hours? Yeah.

Got most of them out in six hours. He had that one big one at the front still that he couldn't get. I tried to pull Corey's, one of his teeth out, but it smashed. So now it's just got the roots and everything still in there. That's not very fucking good, man. When did you do that, Reggie? That was a few years ago. Yeah.

I don't remember that. Yeah, vice grips, not good with teeth. Oh, it fucking snaps them, man. You gotta get right up there. Well, you need what are called dental tools. You need booze. Lots of it. Well, in the old west, that's all they had.

He didn't cry, though. Corey didn't cry? No. I told cry no just i told him i said you start crying i'm gonna fucking i'm done here i hate it when cory cries oh man like i don't get it i don't understand like people that eat caviar that's fucking gross right jesus christ did i just put my hand in a fucking ashtray yes that, you did. I was wondering what you were doing. There's chips there. I thought it was a bowl of chips. Toy butts.

I don't have any chips. All right, do you guys like caviar? I won't eat it. I've eaten it. Do you like it? Depends on what type. Yeah? Beluga?

What about this type? Is it beluga? It's not fish. It's insect eggs. What kind of insects? Not ants. I don't like ants. It's a Mexican caviar. It's fucking... It's fucking ants. Fire ants. No? Not ants? I don't like ants. It's a Mexican caviar.

It's fucking... It's fucking ants. Fire ants. No, no, no, no, no. It is mosquito eggs. How big are they? The size of those little fucking... Those little seeds.

What are they? The... Sassamese? No. Smaller. Poppies? Poppies? Celery?

No, chia. The size of a chia seed. Ch-ch-ch-chia! And they fucking eat the shit out of them, man. Well, they must be good. I don't know if I'd want to be eating it. Let's order some and eat them. I saw...

You just can't order them. I saw a place in Africa. Where was it? I forget, but there was like a... Literally, like, the whole air looks just black with, you don't know what it is, but it's mosquitoes. No, it's mosquitoes. So they take these big nets and just do this.

Oh, yeah. And they get all the mosquitoes in it, and then they just mash them into a ball. Ground beef. And make a patty out of them and put them right on the grill. That sounds fucked. Fucking mosquito burgers. Well, last week I ate a fucking, what was it? Some kind of insect.

Because you weren't here and Randy came with a nice little box done up with a ribbon. Crickets. He gave us fucking... Yeah, chocolate covered crickets. Crickets. I think there was ants and a couple of them. Crickets are not bad. If you don't show up for another one of these...

He don't. No. He's not coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's big. Next time you don't, you do a no show, just don't get that fucking. Yeah, don't get a replacement. Well, I couldn't make it.

Had strappy. We said you had problems going on down there, I think. No, I didn't. Well. I ate, I had strapped throat because I ate some cat food. Oh, we thought that you had like a burn and piss problem or something. No, it was my throat because I ate some cat food, testing it, and I think that's... You're cock and balls. I thought you had uncontrollable diarrhea.

No, Ricky. Yeah, that was a problem as well. No, I had strappy because there was a new type of cat treat and I had to try it before I gave it to the cats. And I think it gave me a throat problem. That's a weird one. Telling people I got explosive diarrhea. I don't know what we told people. I don't remember. It had something to do with that, or... I don't know.

I don't remember past five minutes ago. I saw that on a show one time. It's pretty funny. Or maybe it was five seconds ago. It was seconds. Five seconds ago. I don't remember anything past five seconds ago. You guys ever get road rage? All the time. Yeah, I do quite a bit.

Not really. But I've never let it get to this point. This was pretty fucked up. Down in Florida, these two dudes. Serious fucking road rage. So they keep getting in front of each other and brake check. And the other guy gets around, gets in front of each other and break check and the other guy gets around gets in front of him break checks and finally like the fucking

cars are full of people one car throws a water bottle into the other car buddy fucking snaps pulls out a gun fires it hits buddy's daughter in the leg so then he chases after buddy pulls out his own gun unloads his whole clip into the car and then buddy chasing they both unloaded all the clips two people got hurt but it was two there were two daughters one got shot in the back collapsed long and the other one got shot in the leg they're both okay but like that is nuts you can't unload 15 shots in a car full of people and one get hit they must not be very good shots, but... Yeah, that's fucked up.

I've never got road rage to that point where I'm unloading a clip into someone's car. Ricky, you fucking unloaded it. Squirrels. They deserve it. Yeah, rather squirrels than a carload full of people. No, but I'm just saying, maybe don't go around with a fucking handgun in your car. Maybe we're a little fucked, but they're really fucked. People who do that shit don't understand. Well, don't be driving around with handgun in your car. Maybe you're a little fucked, but they're really fucked. People who do that shit

don't understand. Well, don't be driving around with handguns. And then you don't have... Especially with your kids in the car. Like, fuck. That's right. If it's just the men, sure.

Unload your fucking clips. You know what they should... Especially down there, bring back, pull over, get out, go to the side of the road, and just fucking fight it out. One guy was trying to get

the guy to pull over, and he wouldn't. That's when all hell broke loose. Good old-fashioned, you know, one-on-one fight. That's what I'm talking about. That's what should happen. Right? Or a knife fight or something.

Well, you don't even need knives, man. Why do they need to have a knife fight? Just fucking fists, man. Bats. Just something not lethal. Maybe bats. Bats? Not lethal.

Well, you'd have a rule. You can only hit below the head. Then it's no, man. So you're going to pull over, get out, get your bats, go over the rules. Yeah, and then have at it. It can't be rules other than no guns and maybe no knives. Just fight it out, man. If you're going to go guns, it's got to be leg shots only or something,

or arm shots. Ricky, let's not even have guns in this fight. Let's just play it out. Let's not drive around with handguns or knives and maybe you know, if somebody cut you off, you give them that and then you're on your way. It kind of makes you think twice though, doesn't it?

About break checking people. Which I do every week. Yeah. You're right, bud. There's fucking crazy people out there. Why do you have to brake check people, Ricky? Just teach them a lesson. They'll fuck them up.

There's dumb drivers out there. Really dumb. But what if you brake check them and they smash into you? Their fault. Falling too close. Just sue them. Yeah.

Yeah, whip cock. Not in Canada, you can't. Well, it's been fun. It's been fun. I'm just trying to think of a service we could have. Like, you know, there's road rage. You call this number. You come out.

It'll be like someone will say, all right, let's get this going. It's like a ref. A road rage ref. Road rage ref. So you turn around and go, call triple R. Okay, just a sec. I'm going to call the triple R. I'm going to call triple R.

What's the problem? You did what? You did that? It's a stupid reason. But you know what? Fight it the fuck out. Jump in the ring. Jump in the ring.

Lock the cock. You can have him like a cube van fuck out. Jump in the ring. Jump in the ring. Octocock. You can have him like a cube van. He can sit in the back and just fucking give it. No, you have a flatbed with an octagon on the back. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. And people will drive back and watch and make bets.

Call the triple R. Pull into a parking lot and people, you know, might gather around. Then you charge them money. Even like flip a coin in case, like, one guy's like, I don't know, man, I can't fight, this guy's bigger. Then you have this flip a coin who goes first, one shot to the head each. Or two, whatever you want.

No, have a full-length battle. Like, you know how pop-up stores are all the rage now? How about pop-up MMA matches? See, that's a great idea. Road ragers. Just need a truck. Road cage. Need a flatbed. Road cage.

Big flatbed. Road cage. Road cage. There you go. Don't fucking decrease the people getting shot out there. Road cage. And at another level, you could have to do it while the fucking flatbed's driving. He could be swerving.

And you're allowed to, if you can get somebody over the top, out they go onto the freeway. Yeah. Back to killing people again. Yeah, maybe not that then. Just stay in the fucking ring and fight it out. That is a good. One guy's dead? Or no, no doubt?

No, when he pins him. Yeah. Pins him for a three count. You can tap out. You can tap out or get pinned for a three count. All right. Road cage.

We're going to look more into that. Road cage. Good franchise, man. Yes, it is a good franchise business. It's Dragon's Den or Shark Tank shit right there. Man, it's a fucking weird day for people to get born. Great. October the 21st.

Alfred Noble. Oh, yeah. Swedish chemist who invented dynamite. Oh, nice. I love that guy. And fan of the Nobel Prizes. Born in Stockholm, Sweden. How do you invent dynamite?

That's a fucked up thing to invent, man. No, it isn't. It was supply and demand. Everybody was like, fuck, I wish there was a nice contained fucking explosive pre-made I could buy to blow these rocks out of the way to lay down my train tracks. Fuck, if there was just a nice tubular contained fucking Is that what they invented it for? To fucking build roadway?

I'm positive it would have been. That's all they used it for back then, blowing up rocks. All right. I wish I had some dynamite right now. Me too. Where can we get some? I haven't lit off dynamite in forever. It's been a long time, man.

It could be a dynamite weekend. Should we go to the pond and fucking throw some in? We're not dynamiting the fish. Oh, man, it's a good way to fish. Fuck the fish. You'll eat them. Caught a fish on a fly rod last night, boys, down at the creek. Fly rods.

Right on. All right, you know what? I got to get the fuck out of here, boys. I've had it. I'm done. Joyce Randolph? Yeah, whatever. She was in The Honeymooners?

Don't know her. Steve Cropper? See, this is getting more and more. He was a guitarist. Blues Brothers. Songwriter. I don't give a fuck about birthdays, Bob. Oh, he wrote Sitting on the Cock of...

B. Judith Sheen... Judge Judy. Oh, I know her. Judge Judy. Very, very wealthy judge. Fucking right. She's supposed to make 25 mils a year or something?

An episode. She makes a million something 25 mils a year or something? No. An episode. She makes a million something an episode. 25 million an episode? No, a million or two an episode. For Judge Judy. She's fucking making a ton of money, man. I want to marry her. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Can you take some? Fuck yeah. Wow. All right, I gotta go, boys. We can't be getting into this. Gary Fisher. Wow. All right, I gotta go, boys. We can't be getting into this. Gary Fisher. Good.

Gary Fisher or Gary Fisher? Who's Gary Fisher? I don't know. That's what I was asking. No, Gary, man. Princess Leona. Princess Leona. That's a different movie.

There's not a lot of Leonas. No. Doja Cat. You liked him. Her? Yeah. All right, that's it. Sign off, man.

I need to go have a nap. Really? Yeah. I'm feeling wide awake. You don't want to get out the fly rods? No, man. Come on. Did you ever catch a bass on a fly rod?

No, I haven't. What about a trout? I've never fucking fly fished before in my life, but... Okay, on Monday when people say to you, how was your weekend, you know what I'm gonna say? What? Dynamite. To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer.

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