Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 23 - Pumpkin Splatters

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

It's Halloween, f**kers! Drop a coupla 'road beans' and come party with Bubbles Reynolds, Smarty Pants, and... uh, what the f**k is Julian this year? The Boys also attempt to power-carve a pumpkin!

Coming along just fine. She's doing good? She is doing great. So, in this fucking closet, there's, like, no way Spotted Mites getting in there, nothing? Supposed to be fucking sealed 100%. Yeah, and this kitten, this kitten, like, furry... Lots of crystal. Furry little leaves on it, huh? Yeah

Come up with a nice name for Wendy we Wendy well Willow Wilma Wilma we fucking buzzer love that man Wilma Wilma who fucking names anything Wilma Except for the Flintstones Well, you have yourself a great day there Wilma. We'll check in with you tonight. These things might be a problem later, man, when we get fucked up. These fucking decorations are great. They are pretty.

You know what? This does look pretty good. We should be, like, charging people to come in here, like a haunted house. Good job. Scare the fuck out of people. It'd be fun if we had guns right now. We could easily shoot them later.

You know what? We're shooting videos later. We're going to shoot these fucking heads. Where's Bubbles at? Dunno, man. He's supposed to be here. Should I call him or what? Oh, I think I hear him.

Yeah, no, I had the pedal. Doesn't matter, but you wasn't... Wasn't happening. Get this in my hand. Yeah yeah you're not dressed up. Yes sir. Hey boys. Ha ha ha ha check you out man. What the fuck are you man? Smokey and the Bandit.

That's pretty god damn good. I was down at the big stop in Enfield there fucking hanging with the truckers. Buffs what is that? What is that? That's my CB. A receiver? That's not a CB. It's a CB radio. What kind of fucking CB is that? Lucky to get home, boys.

Lucky to get home. I was coming down Double Neckles. There was a Kojak with a Kodak, 52nd Yard stick. Almost had me. I put the pedal to the metal. What was after you? Should we go get them? Kojak with a Kodak. They just had me. I put the pedal to the metal. What was after you? Should we go get them? Kodak with a Kodak. That's a policeman with a radar gun.

Alright, you gotta start talking normally, man. I don't know what the fuck you're saying. Got stuck in the granny lane too. With the slowpoke heading to the chicken coop. Alright, you know what? You got some fucking serious hair going on. I can't deal with you on edibles, man. And, like, this is too much. I was at the big stop, boys, hanging with the real truckers. They thought I was cool as fuck.

What the fuck, man? There's a bird making a nest in your shirt, man. Oh, that's my chest hair. That's my Burt Reynolds chest hair. Look at this fucking thing. Oh, I got her all by it. What are you pointing at? Right down to his fucking ring.

Look. Right down to his ring and his fucking bracelet that the bandit used to wear. That's pretty fucking good, man. Alright, it looks good, man. I guess. I don't know. Did the bandit ever... The bandit didn't dance, man. Oh, yes he did. No, he didn't, man. The bandit could dance.

He did. He drove his car and he did some fucking. That's it. He did a lot of fucking. Driving and fucking fucking that's it. He get a lot of fucking driving and fucking That's what the band was all about. There was some ladies at the big stop believe me. Yeah, they wanted you? They were looking to get me in the track. They saw this man 30 bucks they said 30 bucks anything goes that's what she said You didn't have 30 bucks on you. I wouldn't have went anyway, but it was nice to get the offer. Yeah, it is, man. Point blank like that.

Nice to get the offer. You know that the bandit, he was in Playgirl or something too, eh? Oh, I know he was. Did you check that out? I was just standing out at the front doors of the big stop like this. Buzz man. All right. What are you guys dressed up as?

I'm a, I'm a piss- Conquering the coefficient of friction. What are you reading, Ricky? Physics. Physics one for dummies. See if you can figure out what I am. You're reading a physics book. What are these? I didn't even notice these fucking things. What is... Smarties.

Good one, Ricky! Smarty pants! Smarty pants! Oh, my fuck. Here, Joey, you want some Smarties? Oh, man. You know what? I want some.

I want some of this one. Not at the cock, Smarty, man. I'm going to save the cock for later. All right, you save that for somebody special. Boys, what a fucking Halloween we're having. Look at this shit. Full fucking... For fuck's sakes. Full party.

It's just getting going. How many hours in three days? Look at this shit. Full fucking... For fuck's sakes. Full party. It's just getting going. How many hours in three days? I haven't slept yet. I like hanging out with the big stop boys with the truckers. And when you know the lingo, you can talk to them like in their language. Let's still go to party for two more days. Three more days?

How many more days? Us, man. You got some good moves, man. You got way too much energy for me today, man. One of the truckers you gave me, I thought they were tech tacks. Yeah. I took a couple of them. I don't think they were tech tacks. I got a lot of energy.

Okay, buddies. Oh, you're on fucking bennies, man. What? Uppers. Bennies? Uppers. That's what truckers drive to stay up man oh my god beans road beans road beans i'm on fucking road beans boys

all right so when you were talking the cb lingo were people talking back to you oh yeah do they know what you were saying? Yes. Jesus Christ, man. Bubs, you're fucking up the video game. Oh, man. You just shut the fuck down. It got caught on my boot. Well, wait till we're drunk till you get fucking rangy, man. It got caught in my Burt Reynolds boot.

I'm going to play you this later. So much for my brand new fucking Atari. God damn it. Bubs, man. All right, you know what? I kind of like when you're on beans. I wish I was on

fucking beans. Do you have any more? Do you have any more? No, just the two. You took two. Don't fuck... What are you breaking back there now?

What? Man, you don't take... Take just one. I thought they were Tic Tacs! Fuck! I wanted to have fresh breath. Alright, we gotta get some things on the go here.

Welcome to the park after the fucking dark. Here with Bubbles Reynolds. These things are abandoned. They didn't kick in at first. And what the fuck are you? I'm just a pissed off, tragically hip fan, man. Why are you pissed off? I just wanted to fucking hack people up.

Don't know. That's it. That's all I got. That's great. So you put on a hockey jersey. And I have this. That's fucking... It's telling me, man. It's scary.

Another year of zero effort from Julian. Oh, okay. I could have put on the pinky blinders again, which was fucking cool, but I didn't want to do it twice. I could have put on the pinky blinders again, which was fucking cool. But I didn't want to do it twice. I forgot about that one. That was actually not bad. See, there you go, man.

Woo! What should we curve? Get this all ready to go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What? That's the start, man. It's part of it. All right.

Oh, buffs. Why? I was doing that. This is our pumpkin, man. Da-da-da-da-da! We got real fucking tools here. Okay, Ricky, you do it. What are you thinking? Give me some ideas. Do you want to do a face or a word or what are you doing?

Don't know. What's best? What about a bat? What about a set of jugs? Set of jugs? Pumpkin jugs? Pumpkin jugs? Pumpkin jugs. How? I don't know. Easy, man. It's easy to fucking curve with a set of jugs. Well, be my guest.

I don't want to do it, man. Don't fucking curve. Here, I'll curve something. What do you want me to curve, Ricky? He's bound it down, load it up and track it. Woo! I got this little guy here Alright, Bugs, this is not a fucking CB radio, by the way Yes, it is It's a fucking receiver, man

Oh, it's a CB receiver How many receivers, you know, have a fucking squelch button, bud? What the fuck is that noise? How many CB, how many fucking audio receivers have a squelch? This is a 40-channel base station. This is, okay. It's a fucking CB receiver. JC Penney.

Be careful, huh? It's the JC Penney. It's gigantic. These are real, so be careful. Okay. What the fuck is that? Why? Why do you smash? Just leave them. Alright, it's done. They're only going off because you're beating on them.

Fuck. Sorry, man. You're violent. You're gonna have to fucking go back to the check. Come on. I'm gonna put you in the granny lane at the fucking hundred and four yard stick. I can't help it. I'm fucking tired, man. I'll boot you out of here double knuckles. 55 miles an hour.

All right. Okay. Good. Where'd you get that? Look at that big horn on it, Ricky. Oh, pretty much all of it. Put it in there. So you want jugs? I don't know any jugs.

No, I don't think jugs is... I could do a kitty. What about a kitty? If you could make that into a kitty, I would... Jugs, man, instead of jugs. Kitty pumpkin. Mo would love a fucking kitty. I would love to see Pamela Lee Anderson jugs on this, please.

No. Something like that. That was very specific. Current day Pamela Anderson jugs? Doesn't matter, man. What are we doing tonight, boys? That's the question. We're doing what we're doing tonight.

Except you're going to be, you know what? Since you took Benny's, you're going to be fucking passed out early. I don't take them on Benny's for real, am I? Yes, be, you know what, since you took Benny's, you're gonna be fucking passed out early. I don't take them on Benny's for real, am I? You, yes man, you are. You took mystery pills at a truck stop. Let me see your eyes. Yeah, your pupils are fucked. Oh, well, what's gonna happen to me?

I don't know, you're not gonna be- I just feel good. Yeah, they're fun. Yeah, but you're gonna be passed out, man. I do feel like I could drive about 1600 miles. And then you could sleep for fucking three days straight, so... It's just a little bit of arsenic, isn't it? What?

It's just a little bit, not the case. Arsenic? Well, one's bad, but two's really bad. Aw, boys. Is your hair tingling a little bit? Well, the wig is, but maybe it's my real hair tingling. Think you could get an erection right now? Let's find out.

Think? That's a... No. No? Well, there you go. No, I could. You're gonna be fucked, bud. All right, well, I guess I'm... I guess I'm on Benny's side. They found this fish down in Texas.

This guy caught him up. They found this new type of parasite. Yeah? It eats the fucking fish's tongue, and then it becomes the tongue. What? So it doesn't kill the fish, but it lives off its mucus or some shit. What the fuck kind of shit is that? It's called a tongue-eating louse.

Does it kill the fish? Nope. No, so he just replaces his tongue. So then any food coming in, the tongue just goes, no, not going down your belly, coming into me, because I'm your tongue. So do they eventually fucking starve to death? Nope.

He probably says, one for you, one for me, type thing. Puffs, that doesn't happen. I can't imagine something eating my tongue. Yeah, man. It is my tongue. That's pretty fucked up. That is a fucked up creature. There's some weird things in this world. It eats your tongue and then it replaces your tongue.

Then it is your tongue. With itself. But then, since you don't have a tongue, you can't taste fuck all. Well, he can. And he just tells you what he's tasting. There's a... Bobbs, there's no fucking way they can communicate to the thing. Once he's plugged into your central nervous system. It's not like a USB fucking.

Well, you can probably read his mind. His thoughts probably go into your mind. So he's probably thinking, this is delicious, and your brain's going, this is delicious. I can't exactly taste it, but fuck, I think it's delicious. Something's telling me this is delicious. Unless. It could be my little tongue buddy.

Maybe fish can't taste. It's the fucking beans you're on, man. You're talking, you would never, the real bubbles would never say this kind of shit. Oh, for fuck's sakes. See? You were just talking like him, for fuck's sakes. Maybe that's what, oh, don't tell me that's what fucking got your brain like it is, Ricky. You know where else we could go after this?

Hong Kong. Why? They've got a great new thing there. It's a five-hour bus tour around Hong Kong, 47 miles. And you're just supposed to sleep for the whole thing. Why? Why? It's for people that are sleep deprived that like to fall asleep

while they're driving. A sleep bus. Why the fuck? They've got the most fucked up things over there. It's sold out. Yeah. Five hours is not a great sleep.

Well, they were selling airplane rides where the plane doesn't even leave the ground. You just get on the plane and have your meal and watch a movie. Why are so many people fucked? Like, I don't get it, man. Well, some people have trouble sleeping, so you get on this bus and you sleep,

but only for five hours. It should be an eight-hour tour. Ricky, do you have your Dremel here? I could do a lot better job with a Dremel. I got something. He's got a grinder. That we remember from previous episodes. No, we're not.

No, no. Yes, we're going to get a set of jugs going in record fucking time. I need a fucking... Did you not cut the cord off that? No, the cord was off the fucking TV, remember? This thing is working fine. Rod, it does got a little thing going on there. I just want to use a Dremel to make precision cuts. I don't want to hack it. I won't get the fuck. I will get. Here's a plug right here.

Stinger down by your feet. All right, bubs. This is going to be loud and fucking messy. Son of a whore. Here, I'm not, I'm not having any part of this. Nope, me neither. Just a sec, Bobbs. You make it all you want. Whoo!

Alright, just gonna... Where you guys going? Um, I just remembered what happened last time you had a grinder in your hand. I'm not gonna fucking cut any goddamn cables, man. Cut the pumpkin. Fuck! This'll take a sip of your drink. Not working the way I thought it would, man. It's fucking spraying. It's spraying shit everywhere.

It's not a great fucking pumpkin tool. All right, that's it. I'm done. Happy Halloween, everybody. People would expect something like that from me, not you. Well, that was fun. That was fucked. What did you accomplish? Nothing. You got pumpkin dust and shit everywhere, is what you call it.

There's pumpkin dust everywhere. everywhere, is what you call it. There's pumpkin dust everywhere. Here. Just a little bit. It's a little... It's biodegradable. So you ruined the pumpkin. For some reason, he cut the stem off, too. Well, I just had to see if it didn't...

It fucking stinks in here now. You know, like, dull. It does have a weird smell, though, doesn't it? Fuck, Jesus. Everything's covered in pumpkin dust. Okay, let's get this party started. Fuck, man. That really brought me down.

Oh, here we go. Did you get any more fucking beans on you? No, maybe they're wearing off. That was a buzz kill. Oh, I was supposed to tell you about this, just so you're careful. This guy in Florida, he killed his fucking neighbor because the neighbor's cat went in his house. Oh, well, he shouldn't have fucking, you don't kill somebody over that. No, but you got to be careful because you got a lot of cats.

Well, yeah, how about everybody? Some of the cats goes in someone's trailer and boom! That's it. Rick, nobody in this trailer park is going to fucking kill him over a cat. Everybody knows my cat. He knows him, man. Then the fuckhead tried to say, oh, no, I was assaulted trailer park is going to fucking kill him over a cat. Everybody knows my cat. He knows him, man. Then the fuckhead tried to say, oh, no, I was assaulted. That's why I shot him.

There was a neighbor saying, no. Donnie. You weren't touched, actually. No, Donnie doesn't mind. My kiddies have been in licking Donnie's fucking face when he's passed out, covered in puke. They ate the puke off his face. Donnie didn't care. There's her pumpkin.

Wow, that is one of a kind for sure. You know what, I bet you that'll scare the fuck out of people. We need to get a candle or something. Is that what they do? Put candles in there? They might try to find out who carved that and take it to the insane asylum. I think it's great, man. There is pumpkin dust all over it. It's all over this thing, boss. I wasn't thinking there.

Sorry, man. See, we both were fucking accidentally- Ruin Halloween. It's not ruined. Halloween got ruined. Oh, this one's fucked up too. This guy in India, he got a double life sentence for killing his wealthy wife. This fucking twisted cocksucker. You got a double life sentence for killing his wealthy wife.

This fucking twisted cocksucker. First he wrangles up a viper. Gets the fucking viper to bite her. But it doesn't kill her. Just fucks her up for two months. So she gets out of the hospital for two months. She's at her parents recovering. Phones another snake wrangler and gets a cobra.

Throws a cobra in her bed. And this time the cobra gets her and kills her. Like, why? Jesus. And then he tried to take control of all of her money. Her parents are like, no, I don't think so, bud. And the police found all these records of him calling up snake wranglers. Smart.

Smart guy. Real fucking thief. Man, you've got to. What a horrible way to die. That's the problem. That's why there's so many people Real fucking genius. Fuck. Man, you gotta... What a horrible way to die. That's the problem. That's why there's so many people in fucking jail. I mean, we go to jail, but it's on purpose sometimes. Well, somebody should fucking... They should be allowed to throw a snake in his fucking bed.

Maybe. Clampering on to his fucking private parts. You know what, boys? I've been reading, like, the fans. They comment on the site there. People are learning shit from this. Kind of makes me feel proud, eh? From what? From what we're talking about.

People are going, I like to watch this because I'm learning shit. You're like a teacher, man. That's what I'm trying to say. Anybody calls you stupid? What did we learn from this episode? If you throw a viper and a cobra in your wife's fucking bed That's what I'm trying to say. Anybody calls you stupid? What have you learned from this episode? If you throw a viper and a cobra in your wife's fucking bed and kill her, you go to jail. No. What you learn is don't have fucking records, phone records and shit, of you fucking calling snake wranglers.

That is what burnt him. If he would have just found the snakes in the wild, he might have got away with it. Exactly. Although, this is a pretty big coincidence. You get bit by a fucking viper. Two months later, after your recovery, you get bit by a fucking viper. Two months later after your recovery you get bit by a cobra. That's really fucked up. You're either fucking really unlucky or...

Or somebody's throwing snakes at you. Or you've got a snake sniper fucking trying to take you out. Woo! You okay, bubs? Yeah, it's kind of coming in waves. Hang on to my music for a second. No, it's coming in waves. Well, yeah, that happens. I feel like's kind of coming in waves. No, it's coming in waves. Yeah, that happens.

I feel like I might be back on the upswing. Just you drained every bit of fun I had in my body out of me with that fucking grinder. You know what I just learned right now? What? Ravens have the in-captivity, can learn to talk better than fucking parrots. Yep. I've had crazy conversations with ravens over the years. Those were fucking crows, man.

You have? What's the difference between a raven and a fucking crow? Size. Size? Ravens are bigger. Are they? Are you kidding me? I think.

Oh, this is one. Talking about learning shit. What is a group of fucking crows called? A murder. A murder. A murder of crows. That's a weird one. Why?

Don't know. They travel in numbers. Can they kill? Well, they can coordinate attacks. Yes, they triangulate things in pairs of three. Groups of three, not pairs of three. Groups of three, deedly dee. I know they like shiny things.

Those are not crows, are they? Yeah. The what ones? That take shiny things? Those are daffodils. Those are like the pick away carcasses. Those are flowers, they don't take shiny things. Jesus Christ.

What's the bird that takes the magpie? The what? The magpie is what takes the shiny things. What's a magpie? It's a bird. I could draw one for you right now if you like. Do it. It looks very similar to a crow or a raven.

Except smaller, longer tail. Wow, man. Bigger beak, hidey-er. Did you guys know that the ancestor of the modern chainsaw was invented to facilitate childbirth? Jesus. Come again? Don't know why, how. Ancestor?

Well, why, yeah. What did it look like? They probably had like a little handheld one that was the chain on it. What would you use that for? Don't know, man. Get the baby out, I guess. I don't fucking know. Yeah, what would you use that for oh man get the baby out i guess i don't know yeah what would you be cutting with it there's nothing down there that needs cutting like that they cut must maybe if it got stuck and no you would never use that yeah i'm covering pumpkin

shit yeah it's everywhere i don't't know. I hate the smell, too, man. It smells disgusting. Who would have thought that taking a high-speed fucking grinding wheel to a soft pumpkin would create splatter? Who could have known? I thought it was going to cut into this thing like butter, but it didn't. No, it's a coniferous... squeeze box. It's a what?

I don't know. Coniferous squeeze box. It's a squeezy mush box. Coniferous. So your mother had one of those. Hey. Yeah. Get it there, Bandit. What's that? Why did I write this down? What's that shining at me over there?

What is it? Spider, man? What's that gold thing? It's a big spider. It's a spider on a web, man. Why is it moving? It's not moving. It's only moving for you because of your drugs. Well, I don't like that. Things move when you're on those drugs. I'm not sure why I wrote this down. The girl died choking on a hot dog at a hot dog eating contest. Jesus, Murphy. Isn't that kind of sad? That's terrible. See, that's totally preventable.

Don't enter hot dog eating contests if you don't want that to happen. You're not used to having tubular things down your throat. Well, I mean, that's different, Ricky. They stuff them in as fast as they can. They don't take the time to properly chew. They just basically inhale them. Like your mother. I was waiting for that. Yeah.

Ah, fuck, boys. She wouldn't choke to death, though, because you could always pull out. Are we going to talk about where we were last weekend, you fuckers? Tell people? Where were we? Where were we? We were at a fucking expo thingy. Oh, yes, the fan expo.

Hey, anybody that was there, thank you for coming out. You know what? That was a good time. We met a lot of cool people. Yes. We did. It was very enjoyable. Very happy. Happy people. Very happy. Very enjoyable. A lot of cool people. Yes. We did. I was very enjoyable. Very happy.

Happy people. Very happy. Very enjoyable. A lot of very stoned people. Well, I didn't think too many people were stoned. I just thought they were. We were. Well, yeah, you guys were.

Everybody else seemed pretty sober. It was weird. They just enjoy it. They enjoy themselves. I think it's great. Yeah. I had a great time. I think I'd like to go to some more of those.

I'm going to go to more fan expos. I like meeting all those people, all dressed up in their cool costumes. All kinds of fucking, you know, superheroes and Pikachus running around. Yeah. We got to meet the Shat. Yes. Space Shat. Yes.

Space Shat. Yeah. Almost Shat myself. Captain Kirk. Almost Shat myself. And George Tataki. And George Tataki. George Takei.

He was eating right next to us, man. He liked to nap. He did like to nap. Yes, they were nappers. And the Terminator liquid dude. Oh, yeah, he was cool. Robert. Robert.

Robert Conrad. Robert. Robert Conrad was the... No, that's not him, man. That's a totally different dude. Yeah, what is his name? T-3000. He's the kind of guy that walks through

and you're just like, wow. Yeah, that's right. He owns the room. Really yeah now he does he's he's a good cool dude he can't turn the liquid though what's his name fuck robert uh google it call him bobby though what bobby is what i was calling you were on buddies you were on nickname level were you? Well, yeah, it's kind of the same thing.

Bobby. You weren't calling him Bobby. You want to hear some fun facts about fall? Me either, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Most babies are born in the fall. Why? September is the biggest month. Because people are banging in the winter.

So back it up nine months. Christmas fucking. Lots of Christmas banging. Makes sense, man. Yeah. December, January, February, March, April, May. People who can't afford presents, they give the... June, July, August.

Yeah, you're right, man. People that can't afford expensive presents give away the sex package. So there's more banging going on in January than December. Well, over the Christmas holidays, man. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. People are banging on Christmas holidays, man. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. It does make sense.

How's your weed plant thing going back there? You know what? It's getting very Christy. This little machine seems to be working. I'm surprised. And guess what? We named the plant today for you. Why?

Wilma. Wilma? Wilma the weed plant. Wilma! I knew you'd do that, man. Fred Flintstone, Bernie Rubble. Do you? Wilma the weed plant. Wilma! I knew you'd do that, man. Fred Flintstone, Bernie Rubble. Do you like it? Betty Rubble.

Didn't used to be called fall or autumn. Used to be called harvest. On this harvest moon. It wasn't fall or autumn until like the 15th or 17th century, whatever those are. Boys, this is crazy. I have a ton of energy, but I'm also sleepy. How does that work? I don't know.

You should go to the- I feel like I could run a marathon or take a nap. Or go to Hong Kong and take a bus trip. I would get on that sleeping bus right now if I could. So this is cool. This is what people are gonna learn about today. What? Foliage. Foliage. So this is cool. This is what people are going to learn about today. What?

Foliage. Foliage. Okay. Yeah. Do you know how the leaves get their colors? They get oxidized. I didn't know how they did. It's from fucking sugar. Oh, the sugar. When the green... Chlorophyll.

Chlorophyll. Right? Isn't it? When it disappears from the leaves, it reveals the colors. How did you say it, Reggie? It's a tough one. So if there's lots of sugar, you get red or purple. Low sugar, you get yellow or orange. It's all about the fucking sugars. And the green leaves, it reveals what colors left behind. I didn't know that. Lots of sugar, you get red or purple. Low sugar, you get yellow or orange. Really?

It's all about the fucking sugars. And the green leaves, it reveals what colors left behind. I didn't know that. Didn't know that, man. Some of the trees are diabetes trees. Well, here's the weird part. Some trees, you can have red and orange on the same tree. Because different parts of the tree are hogging the sugar.

Yep. Diabetes trees. Diabetes trees. Yeah, so the red and purple leaves are sugar pigs. What if you gave it insulin, what would happen to the leaves? Let's go find out what's insulin. It's what you take when you got, when you got the beedies. So what would happen if you put-

My grandmother used to have the beedies. What would happen if you fucking started feeding sugar to a tree? Like during the summer, all summer. Maybe it's leaves would start growing. What would happen if you fucking started feeding sugar to a tree? Like during the summer, all summer. Maybe it would start going. You wouldn't see it because the green stuff's still there. You've got to wait until the green leaves. Oh, you've got to starve it of sugar. But first give it sugar.

If you give it sugar, you're going to get more red and purple leaves, I think. That's what I'm saying. And then starve it. Then you get more yellow and orange. Oh, man, I can't get into this discussion. We're already in it. I'm done. I think if you gave a tree intravenous insulin under its back,

you might get some something. Some neon? Wild colors. You might get some psychedelic trees. It says Americans have fewer heart attacks in the fall. And they think it's because when the clocks go back, you get an extra hour of sleep. Oh.

It's fucking stretching it a little bit, I think, but maybe. I ain't that stretchy. And your sex drive peaks in the fall, which is kind of weird because most babies are born in the fall. If you're banging in the fall, the babies wouldn't be born until... Yeah, but people... ...later. Most people want to bang all the time.

It says it peaks in the fall. That's why you're so horny right now. You horny, bud? Everyone's horny, man. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Anybody get born on October 29 that we give a fuck about? Dennis Podvin, he's pretty good. Dennis Podvin. New York Islanders. Derek Stahl.

Bob Ross. Bob Ross. The Bob Ross. Craziest fucking hairdo ever. He was a great painter. Richard Dreyfuss. Can you imagine if we had a real Bob Ross painting? I wonder, can can buy them anywhere.

Are they worth a lot of money or what? I would think so. He passed away, so there's no new ones being made. Muhammad Ali was a painter. One of the voices from The Simpsons. Randy Jackson. Randy Jackson. Old RJ. Wynonna Ryder.

Hot. Wynonna. Wynonna Ryder. Hot. Winona. Winona Ryder. Happy birthday. Oh, the fucking dude that invented the pill. The pill. The pill. It's pretty impressive that it's called the pill. It's good.

It's the pill. Is he loaded or what, that guy? If he owns royalties on the pale, he would be. I'd say he was probably worth a few bucks, yeah. You know what? This fucking pumpkin. How thick is this motherfucker? Because it's...

Oh, yeah, bubs. I don't know, man. Oh, fuck. I'm going to try to have... Did I just drop some shit in my drink? I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. I hope you got pumpkin spice rum now.

Here's a question for you. Richard Dreyfuss, Julia Louise Dreyfuss. Is there a connection there? Who? Julia Louise Dreyfuss. Yeah. Richard Dreyfuss. That's Elaine from Seinfeld.

Is there anything going on there? Richard Dreyfuss? Just a coincidence. I don't know. Close the counter the third time, man on there? Richard Dreyfuss? Just a coincidence. I don't know. Close the counter the third time, man. That's Richard Dreyfuss. Yeah, I know who the fuck he is. I know, I'm just fucking telling you.

He was in Jaws. In Jaws, yeah. I don't know if there's a connection there or not. Maybe it's their dad. All right, it's been bothering me. I guess we'll never find out. Unless he looks it up in a smart box, but he seems like he's not going to.

The smart box isn't working. Okay. Well, it's working, but I'm not working. I'm calling it then. I'm done. We're done. I'm going sprinting. No, you're going to get some booze into you.

I'm going down to the football field at the high school, and I'm doing sprints. Look like that. You'll get arrested. Yes, sir. No, I will not. No, I will not. No, I will not. If the cops pull me over, I'll just fucking talk to Lingo. You know what you should do?

Videotape it. Maybe I will. I bet you I could run the 100-yard dash in fucking nine seconds. The only thing Trinity told me was don't go close to any elementary schools. Why? I don't know. Told you not to? Yeah. She said if I do, I should change my pants.

Oh yeah, no, Ricky. It'll look like you're trying to lure people in. The Candyman. The Candyman. The creepy Candyman. Yeah, man. Good idea. How did you come up with Smurdy Pants? It's just a weird dream. Wow. Creepy candy man. Yeah, man. Good idea. How did you come up with Smurdy Pants? It's just a weird dream. Wow.

Except in the dream it wasn't Smurdy's. What was it? These little tiny green chocolate bars. But you were Smurdy Pants? I don't know what I would have been called then. The green chocolate bar pants. That doesn't have the same ring to it, man. I'm smarty pants because I'm smart as fuck and people think that I ain't. On that note, you know what we gotta do?

Go get some booze, especially for you. On the way there, we'll drop you off at the school. You can do your fucking sprints. We'll pick you up, get the video, come back here and get drunk. That's the plan. Boys, I'm going in and out here. Jesus.

Here, man, have some fucking sugar. What's happening? I'm fucking dozing off. Can't stop. Sugar it up. No, I think maybe I had sugar, didn't I? No, you had beans. I better get out and get moving.

All right, that's it. We'll see everybody next time. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween, motherfuckers. Do some line dancing.