Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 23 - Sunnyvale SuperHosts and the SuperGuest

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

Forget Kimmel, Conan and Carson - make way for talk show superhost Bubbles and his f**ked assistants! Today they interview Kids In The Hall star Kevin McDonald, who chats about his fear of hotel bathrooms, how he got bornt, the most awesome 10/10 celebs, and how he lost his penis in London!

So this guy's sitting around eating a piece of fucking pie and he just comes up with this number and that's how you got to use to calculate circle shit? Let's just shut the math down for today, Ricky. You're not getting it. But I'm... Pie, it's too fucking advanced for you. Why are you even reading ahead? How do you just make up a number and it works for circles? Well, it's... Look, the lights are on.

Can we just do the show? I'm never gonna be able to build my gym, man, unless I can figure out some of these equations. What fucking gym are you talking about? A gym on a wall. I don't even know what that is, Ricky. What's a gym on a wall? You build? A gym on a wall. I don't even know what that is, Ricky. What's a gym on a wall? You build your own gym on a wall.

You don't need to know math how to do this, Ricky. It's just... Why do you want an old shitty wooden gym bolt to your fucking wall? That's from the 70s. Gyms are way nicer now. Actually, that's not a bad exercise right there, Bubz. You can pull that one off. Yeah, that's not a bad exercise right there, Bubz. You can pull that one off.

Yeah, if you want to look like fucking you. All right, I got some shit ready. Let's just get this going. Look, I want to do the show more professional, like Jimmy Kimmel. I know, I know. Why? Because I was watching the old ones

when the fucking punk fellas were here. We just look like crazy people. I want to do this more professional, like Jimmy Kimmel would. That's stupid, man. It's not stupid. It's not stupid. Mike Bullard, he was around for a long time.

Nobody's doing it anymore. Look, I'll be the host. You can be like Ed McMahon. Who am I? You can be Andy Richter. Pretend I'm Conan O'Brien. It's all just mashed together. Super show. I'd rather be Ed McMahon. You be Andy Rector. Pretend I'm Conan O'Brien. It's all just mashed together. Super show.

I'd rather be Ed McMahon. You be the other guy. Okay, I'll be the other guy. You be Ed McMahon. What does Ed do? He doesn't do a fucking thing. He laughs. He laughs at everything Johnny says.

So I'm like Johnny Carson, Jimmy Kimmel, and Conan O'Brien rolled into one super host. That's not bad. All right, we ready? Yeah. All right, what's up, fuckers? This is Perk After Dark coming at you right now.

I'm the host, Julian. This is... I thought we just decided I was the fucking super host. And you're the... And you're Ed Tanner. Okay, super host. Tell these people who you are. No, fucking do it now.

You started it. Finish it. Am I still Ed? For fuck's sakes. All right, we got a guest here today. Do I laugh at him or do I laugh at you? Just wait for me to fucking say something, and then you laugh, okay?

This is a very professional, Julian. All right, we got a guest here today. His name is Kevin McDonald. Let's bring him out right now. Whoa, that was a beautiful intro. Really pumped him up. It's a sound important. For fuck's sakes, he could be the fucking...

Hey, how you doing, man? You're supposed to pump the guests up. That was the intro? Yes, that was the intro. All you said was his name. He could work at the fucking 7-Eleven, for all anybody knows. Let's get him a drink. Do you want a drink?

This is our guest, Kevin McDonald. You know him from Kids in the Hall. Yes, yes. Right? Sorry for coughing. Yes, yeah, yeah. I was one of the Kids in the Hall, yes. I am one of the Kids in the Hall. We haven't split up. I'm sorry. Well, yeah. I mean, you're still alive.

Yeah. So, obviously, you're still alive. Yeah. So, yeah. So obviously you're still one of the kids and all. Yes. Thank you very much. Yeah, so this is our, we're doing our show more like professional.

Yeah, no, I noticed. I noticed, very professional. You'd be like the Johnny Carson. See that? And you'd be like the two Ed McMahons. Nice. But no, I'm not Ed McMahon. He's the Ed McMahon. I'm the other guy.ahons. Nice. No, I'm not Ed McMahon. He's the Ed McMahon.

I'm the other guy. Ed McMossel. Oh, you're the band leader. He's Ed McMossel. I'm not the band leader. Who was the band leader? What was his name? Doc Severinsen.

Doc Severinsen. Yeah, I'm not that guy. Who was the band leader on Jay Leno? Oh, I know what he looks like. I just, I forget his name I know what he looks like. I just, I forget his name. What's he look like? I can't describe things, but I have it in my head. I can't think of his name either.

He was a guitar player. Or was he a bass player? No, he was a guitar player. He was a guitar player. You're right, he was a guitar player. Oh, I can't believe I can't think of it. What about Conan O'Brien? Who was his band leader?

Um. Da, do, ba, do, do, do. Oh yeah, yeah, the glasses, shades. Ringo Starr. Ringo Starr from The Beatles. David Letterman, this is an easy one. Paul Schaefer. Paul Schaefer.

Yeah, all right. This is a weird game we're playing, guys. He's Canadian, isn't he? He is Canadian. Was he from Thunder Bay? Have you ever met Paul Schaefer. Yeah, right. This is a weird game we're playing, guys. He's Canadian, isn't he? He is Canadian. What was he, from Thunder Bay? Have you ever met Paul Schaefer? I have met Paul Schaefer. What's he like? He's exactly like Paul Schaefer.

He's exactly like he is. He's that guy? He's that guy. Though I was at a benefit once, and he's also like an amazing musician, right? He is. He's a great player. He's not just like famous. He's known for that.

Yeah. And he was in charge, he takes charge very well. He told me what to do. He was also in Spinal Tap. Yes. Yeah, he was. He was the guy that said, kick this ass, right? That's right.

Artie Fafkin, Polymer Records. Good memory. Artie Fafkin, Polymer Records. Kick this ass. Kick this ass. All right, so are we gonna start the show? Here we go, yes. Good memory. Artie Fafkin, Paul and Me Records. Kick this ass. Kick this ass. All right, so are we going to start the show? All right, here we go.

Yes. Are we going to start it yet? Should I go off and come back again? No, no. I mean, we've started, but now we're going to, like, you know. Oh, dig in. Dig in. Okay, well, right here we've got funny interview questions to ask a celebrity. So that's what we're going to do, Buf.

You just Googled it. You Googled it? Okay, what's the biggest, I mean. What's his what what is your biggest weirdest fear uh weirdest yeah um when i'm in a hotel room uh and i go to the bathroom i never close the door because i am gonna i fear i'm gonna be locked in and if i get a balcony i don't go on the balcony because i fear i'm going to be locked out. Being locked in and being locked out. Is that weird enough?

No, that's good. That's pretty fucked up. I think that's... I think I just might have the same fear and didn't realize it. I have to leave the bathroom door open. Can't close a balcony door behind me. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't give it to you. But when there's people in the house, I can close the door

because I could always scream, I'm locked in the bathroom! And then they would come and get it. But when you're alone, and sometimes I have the Do Not Disturb sign on, and I figure, I'll be here for a day. I'll be here for days. I'll be here till my checkout. What if it's Monday and I'm checking out on Thursday?

The Do Not Disturb sign, I'll just be there dying. That could happen. That's happening. And I could be naked. I could have walked in the bathroom naked. Has it ever happened to you? No, never. Oh, yes, it did once.

In my own house. I was locked in in Los Angeles. And my girlfriend just split up with me, which is another fear. And I was locked out. And I was naked. I was naked. I came out of the shower. And I could hear my dogs wondering where I was. And I panicked. And I turned beet red. And I was naked. I was naked. I came out of the shower, and I could hear my dogs wondering where I was,

and I panicked, and I turned beet red, and I was naked. And I took the... For some reason, I became the Hulk, and I took the hinges off the door. I took the door off. Naked? Still naked? Still naked.

And I had... I was too scared to dry myself, so I was soaking wet. And it made the hinges a little harder, but I took the hinges off soaking wet. And then my dogs were so happy to see me beat red. And that's when I got fearful of hotel rooms locking in. I'm afraid of hotel rooms.

There you go. Okay, well, okay. See? You hit gold with that question. I got some advice for you. Take your fucking cell phone with you to the bathroom and to the balcony. Then I always think it steams up. I don't know modern technology. Does that ruin the phone?

Yes, it can get under the screen and then... Get one of the fucking covers, the waterproof ones. You'll be okay. Then he's spending extra money just to take a piss. I miss the old days where they had phones in the bathroom and mini bars. Not in the bathroom, but when they had the hotel rooms had mini bars. I liked that too. I was in a hotel

that had a mini bar in the bathroom right next to the toilet. That's a weird one. One time, I think, or maybe we put it in there. I think we put it in there, Buffs. I remember now. Still, it's a good idea. Well, that was a, now have you ever told that before?

Do people know that or did we just discover new? That's a new one. Well, there you go, that's. That's a first timer. That's, that's. Here's another one, here's another singer. That's... That's a first timer. That's... Okay. Here's another one. Here's another singer.

It's like being in a psychiatrist's office. What would your superpower be, Kevin? I think invisibility. I know it's not a great one. No, that would be cool. That would be cool. I'd be down with that. But, like, I wouldn't stare at naked people.

I would just, you know... I'd have to get an invisible book. I would just have to be able to read a book for an hour invisible, but they would see a floating book. So I have to also have the power to turn books invisible. And chairs, chairs and books invisible. I just want to be invisible. And then people would trip over me every now and then, but I'd be reading my book and then I'd be pretty happy.

Would you go around naked or dressed? Well, ideally dressed, but unless the clothes aren't invisible. But if I could turn a book invisible, I guess I could turn the clothes invisible. Exactly. Invisible clothes. Why did you want to know if he was naked? Well, if you're invisible, you can be naked. No, but you were very interested in him.

No, I wasn't hearing about whether he was clothed or nude. Bob's a fuck off. Like the Invisible Man, the Claude Rains movie, I guess he was naked, right? Must have been. Because when he put clothes on, you could see no head. I mean, you couldn't see a head, and you couldn't see hands. So Claude Rains was naked that whole movie.

Wow. I never even thought of that. Bet you Julian has, though. No, I'm not even listening. I'm getting ready with the next question. Okay, what's the best, worst purchase you've ever made? Bet you Julian has it all. No, I'm not even listening. I'm getting ready with the next question. Julian. Okay, what's the best, worst purchase you've ever made? Which one, best or worst?

Both. I want to know both, man. Best first. Best first? Yeah. The best first? The best. Worst of the first? The best purchase first.

What was my first purchase? Yes. No, best. For fuck's sakes, what's the best purchase you've ever made? I like the question, my first purchase, because it was... What's your first purchase you've ever made? The first purchase I ever made was an Abbey Road album. Jesus.

I was eight years old, and it had just come out, and I had old Beatles albums that my Aunt Judy gave me, like I said in the show last night, who cares? And they had normal hair, and all of a sudden, Abbey Road, who cares? And they had like normal hair, and all of a sudden, Abbey Road, their hair was crazy in the album cover. It was like down to their asses. Yes, John had the crazy hair at that point.

Crazy hair? In the white suit. And maybe George was crazy. George had crazy hair. Ringo had crazy hair. And Paul was slightly longer. Just a little bit shaggy. But he had no shoes on!

He didn't have shoes on. And that freaked me out. And I bought the album, but I was afraid to hear it. Was it going to be crazy music? And then, of course, it was amazing music, because it was The Beatles. I was aged. That was my first purchase.

First purchase was The Beatles album. How much did it cost? I don't know. It was 1969. What did they cost back then? $2? $1.50? I don't know. I wasn't even born. Sorry.

I would have purchased it myself had I been born, but... I don't mean to be bragging that I was born before you. I'm sorry. No, no. I was born in 61. I'm sorry. Are you born... I wish I was born in 61.

That was a good year. Here's something boring. I was born a few months after John F. Kennedy, Jr. And my mother would always say, you're my little John F. Kennedy, Jr. You don't fly a plane. I don't, I don't. That's good.

Don't get your pilot's license. Because he crashed. I know, I know. That was horrible, man. My mother loved John F. Kennedy. She had a crush on him. I think all the ladies did, didn't I? Yeah.

He was a bit of a... She cried for three days when he died. So the legend goes. That's terrible. I saw on the show you were talking about, maybe you're not allowed to talk about this, but you started from your birth. Yes.

And you told a story that you weren't born... Yes. I was a C-section. A C-section? Yes. I'm the only comic that you weren't born. Yes. I was a C-section. A C-section? Yes. I'm the only comic that sees the humor in that, but I was a C-section. Though the theory is, that's why I'm an asthmatic. Because going out early through the C-section,

you don't get all the stuff you need for breathing. I read that somewhere. In more scientific terms, I read that somewhere. I'm just... So that story... Don't blame the theory. Blame me. I read that somewhere. In more scientific terms, I read that somewhere. I'm just, I'm just reading the theory. Don't blame the theory. Blame me how I'm selling it. So the story you told

that I saw you do was not true about taking off? No, no, but the C-section part was true. Oh. It's called material,

okay? Okay, well, I just thought it might have been true. It's not all true shit. I take one little thing true like the C-section

and then I exaggerate it. Ah. It's's not all true shit. I take one little thing true, like the C-section, and then I exaggerate it. That's comedy. It's comedy. You take a little thing and you exaggerate it. Like, I'll do a bit where I'm sitting on a stool instead of a chair, and later I'll lie and tell people they forced me to sit on a stool

and I kept falling off because there was no back. See, I take a little thing and I exaggerate it. Okay, like Julian when he talks about his bird. Maybe in the future you could get another chair. If you're gonna try to be more professional instead of making people sit on it. Why don't you have four kitchen chairs? This is your fucking house. It's your fucking house, bud.

Cheers, Brick. Well, you should have replaced it. Now we've got a guest on a stool. Maybe you can replace it. You should have swapped them. Maybe you could let the guest have the chair and you sit on the box. You're the one who wanted to be more professional.

I didn't give a fuck. And there's other... Like, get rid of all this shit, man. You should have, like, nice stuff on here. Instead of this, like an ashtray. Like, what's that? Okay, well, next week, why don't you decorate the fucking table?

Why don't you go fuck yourself, Ricky? Next question. Jesus, man. What part... what body part, what's a body part that you wouldn't mind losing? That I wouldn't mind losing? Yeah. I think about this all the time.

Oh, man. I don't know. Like, if I had to, like, it's got to be like a digit, right? Like, I want my ears. A digit. Like a finger or a toe? Yeah, probably a pinky maybe or a toe. Well, I play guitar badly,

so I would need all the fingers on my left hand because I'm right-handed. Yeah, right. But I don't think I need this one. Pinky, you could lose a pinky. I think so. I'd lose my tail. Your tail, Bubs?

What the fuck are you talking about? I'd get rid of my tail right away. Your tail. Yeah. You've got a tail. Just a little one. tail. Your tail. Yeah. You've got a tail. Just a little one. Okay. Not really.

See? You took something and you exaggerated it. I exaggerated it, see that? Because you do have a back, right? I have a back and I have a- So you take the back, this is comedy, and you exaggerate it. What if my back had a tail?

And then it becomes funny. Well you know what, this would have been funny if you had got up on the chair, kind of started undoing your pants to show us. And then we'd all be expecting a tail. Yeah, and then you'd tell us to go fuck ourselves. Yeah, here's my tail. Yeah.

I've got two of them. See, that would have been gold. That would have been hilarious. That would have been gold. Here's my tail. Is it too late, do you think? Do it. Go for it.

Maybe I could... What part would you like to lose, Bubz? Oh, I'd get rid of my tail. Oh, are you fucking kidding me? You don't cut a tail. You've never What part would you like to lose, Bubz? Oh, I'd get rid of my tail. Oh, are you fucking kidding me? You don't cut a tail. You've never seen my tail? What the fuck, Bubz? There's my tail!

See? All right. That was funny. Comedy. That is comedy right there, buddy. It's comedy. Take it and exaggerate it. All right.

I can do that. What's the most useless talent you have? Comedy. Well, seriously, when you think about it, and it's not just all of comedy. I'm only good at sketch comedy. It's the silliest thing to be good at. Okay, stand-up comedy, writing, but sketch comedy.

What a stupid thing to be, that's my talent, God? Thank you! Sketch comedy? Just get out there and do it, just give her. I do, I give her, but wouldn't you rather be like a doctor or a scientist? No, fuck that, no man. Are you still, so you're doing standup now,

cause I saw you doing it, are you still doing sketch? I am, I am, I have a podcast, so I write a sketch of mine. And hopefully, in the kitchen hall when we tour again, we always write new sketches. Are you going on tour? Well, there's no plans yet, but we're getting offers. Ooh, that would be awesome. Can we go to that if that happens? Yes, of course.

I'd like to go to that. You could stand on the wings. So that would be horrible, because you wouldn't really be able to see. You'd just be the side of us. It would be like this, and it wouldn't be that funny. And what, no, that would be fine with me. What, if you do that, what is it?

Do you come up, is it new stuff, or is it things you? Well, every tour's different. For the first two tours, we did, I'm speeding up because this is boring, so I tend to speak quicker when I'm boring. I find it fascinating. The first two tours, it was old stuff, and then the third tour that tour, the big tours,

the third big tour we did was all new stuff. And then the last tour we did, maybe because we were getting old, we did half new and half old. Did you do the Buddy Holly sketch? I've done it, but I haven't done it for a while. That's my favorite sketch that he's in. Thank you very much.

So you sell booze at your shows? What? Yeah, Bruce goes out and sells alcohol. That's very important. Well, he does at our shows. He sells hot dogs right off the stage. Bruce probably got the idea from you. He sells hot dogs, hamburgers, liquor shots,

fucking tickets. Tickets, man, 50-50s. Oh, 50-50s? Wow. I know that from hockey, that's a hockey thing. It's kind of like a hockey game. Well, when he does it, man, 50-50s. Oh, 50-50s? Wow. I know that from hockey talk. That's a hockey thing. It's kinda like a hockey thing. Well, hey, when he does it, it's 80-20.

Do you let people drink and eat in the audience, or do they have to do it in the lobby? Fuck yeah. Good for you. No, they can do whatever they want. They can do whatever they want, yeah. People were banging at one of our shows. Really?

Remember? Oh, man. There was a couple banging up in the balcony. Over in Ireland Ireland I think. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That would be a place to do it, like in the balcony. Not Ireland, the balcony.

Drunk. Have you ever been to Ireland? Never, sorry. What about England? Yes, I was in London once. I said that story yesterday. I remember that. That's the only time I've been.

Yeah, I was trying. I was gonna fucking see if I could pull that story out of you, but maybe you can't do it because it's in your act. Oh, no, I don't mind doing that. The act isn't that good, it doesn't matter, but it's such a long story. Well, just tell the boys,

just tell them the quick part of what happened, you know? Well, there was a skinhead beating up a guy, and I got so frightened when I gave him back to my place, and I had to pee really badly. I couldn't find my penis. But I stayed much funnier for 14 minutes. Wow. Where did it go?

Did it fall off? It went inside my body. And then he pissed himself. Like, inside my body. So you have, like, a retractable penis? Like a turtle? Apparently. And you know what?

It hadn't happened for four years in London, but here, I'll admit it. No one wants you to, but I'll admit it. Since I've been telling this story, it's been happening again. Wow. It just takes off, doesn't it? Yeah, it goes down south. See, that's what the monkeys do. You know

about this one. So in that state, you just have like a can bump. Yeah. See, the monkeys, when they get into a fight or something, I'm like, fuck you, and they get a hurt on. I'm like, come on. See that? I want to rip your head off right now. That's not what he's talking about.

I know, but it's the exact opposite. Yes, it is the exact opposite. It's like, fuck this. I don't want to deal with this shit. I'm gone. Yeah, I don't have that problem. Okay. Well, it kind of went in there.

Other than that, London's lovely though, isn't it? Yeah. Other than the inverted penis, London is... It is a lovely place. I love going over there. When you go there, skip the inverted penis and... Go right to the... Go to Buckingham Palace.

Yes. We've been to Buckingham Palace. Ricky infiltrated it. I forgot about that. Stole the... You got inside? Tried to steal the Queen's underwear, but I screwed up.

Ricky got in the elevator, went up, tried to steal the Queen's underwear, and he stole Prince Charles' frilly man underwear. That happened. That happened. What else do you got over there, muscles? Ah, fuck, okay. This is really... What celebrity would you consider a 10?

I'm sorry, what was the first word? What would I consider a 10? What celebrity that you've met would you say a... Bo Derek. That person's a... Well, that's what I mean. Girl or 10. 10 look?

Like, look-wise, talent-wise? 10. This person's a 10. Like, the greatest fucking human I've ever met. Like, as a nice person. Yeah. Could you guys talk for a few minutes? I'm gonna, I take this question seriously

and I gotta really think. Okay. All right. What do you think, Ricky? So generous. That I've ever met? Yeah, and a 10. You're like, man, that dude was a fucking 10. I know I'm-

And that chick was a 10. I'm sorry, keep talking. I told you to talk. But when you're ready, I got one. He's got it, he's ready. Okay, Kevin, okay, who's the 10? Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al Yankovic.

Wow. And is it Yankovic or Yankovitch? I never remember. Yankovic, I think. Yankovic. Yankovic. Weird Al was like a 10. He was like a...

Really? He seemed like an absolutely nice person. Wow. I'd like to meet him. He seemed problem free. He seemed the opposite of me. Like that he had no problems in his life. No problems, no stress?

No stress. And curly hair. A full head of curly hair. And curly hair. And he was a good guy. He was a good guy. He was a good guy. He seemed the opposite of me. Like, that he had no problems in his life. No problems, no stress? No stress. And curly hair, a full head of curly hair. And curly hair.

And his hasn't like receded at all like mine. His is still down to here. Maybe he's done work, but I don't know. Hair work, is there such a thing as hair work? There is. Is there hair plastic surgery? I don't know. Absolutely.

But his hair was still like perfect. And he seemed like a totally nice person. Weird Al. Weird Al, I wouldn't have guessed that. Oh he seemed like a totally nice person. Weird Al. Weird Al, I wouldn't have guessed that. Oh, I have another one! Okay, holy fuck. Can I say two? Yeah. Sure, man.

Ask Julian. These are people I interviewed. Susannah Hoffs from the Bangos. Oh, I love Susannah Hoffs. She seemed like completely nice and really smart. Excellent guitar player, excellent songwriter. And her favorite band is like my favorite, well one of my favorite bands, Big Star.

Big Star. I love Big Star. Yeah. What's her favorite song? On the first Bangles album, they did a Big Star song, but the whole album sounds kind of Big Star-ish. And then as they got more commercial and they were more successful,

they had to get less Big Star-ish. Her and Weird Al are two tens, I think. Wow, two tens. Right on. Susannah Hoff and Weird Al are two 10s, I think. Wow. Two 10s. Right on. Susanna Hoff and Weird Al. What if they got married now? Weird Susanna. They'd be the two nicest people on Earth. Weird Susanna. Weird Susanna. Weird Susanna and they'd be a 20.

Yeah. That'd be weird. Fuck. I mean, these questions are all fucked. I don't, why don't you ask one from the heart, Julian? Instead of relying on your smart box. Where is the worst smelling place you've ever been to? What kind of fucked up question is that?

You guys talk and I'll think. This is another important question to me. It's very important. He doesn't want to get this wrong. Hopefully it's not my trailer. Susanna Hopp! No, that was the other question. any questions to me. It's very important. He doesn't want to get this wrong. Hopefully it's not my trailer. Susanna Hopp. No, that was the other question.

St. John used to be smelly back in the day. Oh, yeah, it used to be. Do you mean like a non-geographical? It could be anything. It could have been a place that you went into, a building, someone's home, fucking some country,

I don't know, province. Plant and paper mill. Plant and paper mill. Plant and paper mill. Well that's not, I've smelled those before. Pretty stinky, huh? I once helped my girlfriend at the time rescue some cats and they were all stuck under something in an apartment building and that probably stunk.

But it also stunk of love because they were cats and we took them, so. Cats? There was a love stink. Do you have any cats? No, I don't stink. In my life I've had many cats. Right now I have a cat called Bentley

that I think I love more than I've loved any soul ever in my life. Bentley the cat. Decent. What do you do with your cats when they die? Well, my last cat that died last year, Wilhelmina, it's a sad story. I guess I brought her to the vet.

She died on the drive there. Oh, fuck. Did you go to the vet? Or did you just turn around and go back home? Oh, I went to the vet so they could do something with her body. But in the mid-2000s in Los Angeles, my cat, who my girlfriend named Nui, which is apparently French for night, people would say, oh, what a pretentious name for a cat,

which I think is weird to insult a cat like that. And I remember when he started dying, I remember actually giving it mouth-to-mouth because I was in a state of panic. I've done that many times. No, you didn't. Did you? Many times. I've given mouth-to-mouth to probably 100 kitties. That seems fun. You can do it.

You can't blow too hard. And you've got to know how to... Did it work? I've revived many kitties. Several. I've lost a lot, too, on the table. Well, it's not a perfect science. It's not a perfect science, but I'm pretty good at it now.

You just, you know, you've you gotta compress, plug their little nose. Instead of dying cats. Do you have anything happy to talk about, Ricky? Mr. Happy Guy? Dogs? Live dogs? No. See? I guess it's just gonna be one of those unhappy days.

Sorry? Well, Ricky, that's not a nice thing to say to the guest. Jesus. It was Julian's fault. He fucking started asking about dead cats and shit. What were you like as a kid, Kevin? Oh. We'd like to know that.

You would. No, that's a question. Oh. As a kid, it's... I thought that was a question from the heart. I was kind of trying to do it like that. But it seems like a hard question. Yeah.

What were you like, man? Well, I was so complex and complicated. Where do I begin? I was shy! Shy, okay. I was very shy. I had no idea I was funny till like I was 11 because I was too shy to talk.

I thought funny things maybe, but I was shy. And I was polite. My mother drilled my sister and I to say thank you and sorry till it drives people crazy. And I remember, I don't know why we were on lots of trains. I remember being on lots of trains where people would say, your children are very polite. There you go.

Well, you taught him how to be polite, Bubz. I tried, but it didn't work. I was shy and polite. We don't have to get more complicated than that. No, that's good. That's great qualities to have. Thanks for telling us that. Yeah.

Well, thanks for asking. You brought it out like a good interviewer. Thanks, man. Like a good Doc Severinsen, you brought it out of me. What was your favorite toy? Kevin something. Okay. The band leader for Jay Leno, was it Kevin something?

I think it was Kevin. It was Kevin something. Yeah. For where? Jay Leno, remember you asked? Oh. The band leader. It was.

It was. I think it was. Big Kevin Padipa. No. Yeah. For where? Jay Leno, remember you asked? Oh. The band leader. It was, I think it was. Was it not Kevin? Big Kevin Patipa. No. No. That was Rossler. What was his name?

You're right, it was Kevin something. Tiny Kevin Crenshaw. No, that was my psychiatrist. Kevin O'Leary. No. No. Kevin Eubanks. Kevin Eubanks.

That's it. That's it. Kevin Eubanks. Kevin Eubanks. That's it! That's it! Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show Band. Yes, sir. That was cool, man. We got it. Yes, sir. Kevin Eubanks.

We figured it out. Excited. We figured it out. That was the high point of my day right there. What was that? Only once. It's not working. There we go. It sounds like he's saying Kevin

Kevin Is there another one that says Eubanks? Kevin Eubanks No, it's saying Eubanks It is saying Eubanks Eubanks Kevin

Eubanks It's not saying It is saying Kevin But it's not saying Eubanks If you imagine Okay With the right buzz on I'm sure Are you alright? I don't know what's going on here It is saying Kevin, but it's not saying you, Bags. If you imagine. Okay. With the right buzz on, I'm sure. Are you all right?

I don't know what's going on here. You're fucked up, man. What is wrong with you? You are on mushrooms. I don't know if you remember. Kevin. Do it. Try it.

Let's play it. Kevin, do the kick. Come on, man. You've got to stop. Sorry. You took mushrooms about 30 minutes ago. You guys are freaking me the fuck out. Just like Doc Severinsen probably did. Doc Severinsen was about 30 minutes ago. Oh. You guys are freaking me the fuck out. Just like Dox Everton probably did.

Dox Everton was always cranked up on glue. Who? Dox Everton. Johnny Carson's guy. He was not off on glue. He was always cranked up on glue. That came out years later. No, maybe that was a different guy.

That was a different guy, man. Wasn't him. Are the roots on Jimmy Fallon? I haven't seen him for a few years. Yes. That's great, that's very great. They're fantastic. Oh, here's a boring story.

The kids in the hall, we were on Jimmy Fallon once, and the famous drummer from the Roots, what's his name, I'm losing my memory? Oh no, here we go. Jesus Christ. Drummer from Roots? Yeah, very famous, very famous. Anyway, he did this to me.

He crushed my head. He's got the, oh my God. That's the whole story. He crushed my head. He's got the little signature kick. Yeah, yeah, and he's a great, the greatest drummer ever, and he's, and I forget his name only because I'm old and I'm losing my memory. Hmm.

He's a drummer. It's gonna, as soon as he says it, I'm gonna punch myself in the head. Questlove. Yes! Questlove. Holy fuck, how could you forget that? He's got a signature drum kit from Ludwig that I wanna own, the Quest Love kit. Well, he crushed our heads in a commercial break.

He went like that. Decent. That is awesome. That was cool. Decent. What other very cool things? Did you guys do all of the talk shows? Were you ever on Johnny Curse? Oh, no, but we were on David Letterman, but he didn't wanna to talk to us, so we did a sketch of ours called Reg, and it bombed,

and we were supposed to go talk to him, but we were so sad that it bombed, because the audience didn't laugh at all. David Letterman was like this, over at his desk, and come, but then the curtain started going down on us, and I remember right before the curtain was over me, I waved at him, and the last thing I saw as the curtain went down was David Letterman waving back. He said, well, I guess we're going down on us. And I remember right before the curtain was over me, I waved at him and the last thing I saw as the curtain went down was David Letterman waving back.

He said, well, I guess we're going to a commercial. That is fucked up. That's decent. Was he drinking? I hope so. Yeah, I think he was. Letterman was always cranked up on glue. Everybody on that show gets drunk.

He was always on glue. He learned it from Severinsen. He did, they partied together. Yeah, so we bombed David Letterman. That was a good story. That's, so you were on Letterman. We're always bad in talk shows. We were on Letterman.

We've been on Conan. We've been on, well, Jimmy Fallon. Get Louder As I Remember. Mike Bollard. Mike Bollard. And there's another one I'm forgetting. And now, this one. Yeah.

Which one, where do we rank? Number one I'm forgetting. And now, this one. Yeah. Which one? Where do we rank? Number one! Number one. I think we should go out on a high note there, boys. I think we should. Kevin. Kevin. You, Banks.

I hear it now. Yeah, that's it. Number one show he's ever been on right here, baby. Awesome. All right, so you're going to say goodnight? Well, that was the perfect out right there, and you fucked it up.