Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 24 - Finding Orangie

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Look who's back... and ready for a few bong tokes! Before Ricky's poor fishy friend gets f**ked up again, the Boys chat about python attacks, Ozzy Osbourne's disco track, and some greasy Partridge Family gossip. Also: The dirtiest man in the world... four smokes, let's go!

To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off. I'm just saying, Ricky, I'm not convinced it's the exact same guy, you know, and it doesn't matter. Yes, it is. He's got a little mark on his cheek. Okay, yeah, it's Orangey. I can't believe we found him. Yeah, he wasn't moving, threw him in the pond.

He must've woke up. Yeah. You want some more canola berry, little buddy? Okay, Keith. There you go. You don't, Rick, there's gotta be a list of do's and don'ts we got to fucking get going right now, Bob. It's right out of the gate of things you should do and shouldn't do with fucking... Let's get him some proper food.

Don't be giving him granola bar. They got these little flaky things. No, man, but that's healthy. They're not even really that healthy. You need these flaky things, man. You like potato chips, too. You need these flaky things, man. He likes potato chips, too. Ricky, just can you let me just write up a health regime for him?

Don't be giving him chips. Don't be getting him high. Don't be feeding him ice. I only gave him plain. I didn't give him the flaky. Don't be feeding the fucking thing booze. Why? Ricky, it's a fucking fish. He's probably been living healthy. He doesn't need to get...

In a pond? Ponds aren't healthy. For fish they are. They're a lot healthier than fucking potato chips, doing shots of fucking tequila. See how he's going like that right now? He's bringing in the fucking water into his body. The oxygen.

The oxygen. That's what makes him breathe, is the oxygen in the fucking water. So imagine if there's booze in here. He's fucking breathing in booze, man. But Ricky, if you're giving him a shot of fucking tequila, that's the equivalent of you getting in a fucking, a barrel of tequila, a tank.

That would be awesome. Maybe you could get him a tank, a proper tank. Does liquor and water have the same floaty? No. No, man. No, it's different. Different buoyancies, different... There's no fucking oxygen in the booze, bud.

That's the problem. Could you put oxygen in it? I don't know. I don't have time for this. I'm going away for two fucking weeks. I can't be. Like tomorrow. Where are you going?

I'm going on my annual thing to the Cabot Trail. Oh, Bob, is that such a waste of fucking money? I think you missed all the leaves, man. The hurricane took... No, the leaves, I was looking online. I'm taking my kitties to the Cabot Trail like I do every year. All right. And I don't have time to be dealing with...

Do you think I have time to be dealing with that? Maybe if you get him a tank somewhere with an oxygenator, it would help. So he's not fucking drinking straight booze. Well, you leave me 20 bucks to get the fucking tank. I'll take a look on Gigi. You can get a tank somewhere. Well, I'll get a tank,, you leave me 20 bucks to get the fucking tank. I'll take a look on Gigi. You can get a tank somewhere.

Well, I'll get a tank, but you leave me 20 bucks. He looks pretty lonely. You got 20 bucks to go to the fucking Cabot Trillia, you got 20 bucks for me, bud. I should get him a girl. How do you know that isn't a girl, man? Because his name's Orangey? It doesn't work that way, man.

When a chick has a baby, okay, she's given birth, and it comes out, and you're like, Fred. But she obviously doesn't have a wang. I'm pretty sure I saw him with an erection once. There you go. It's case closed. Don't you have anything better to do than to look at this fucking thing,

wait for an erection to poke open? When you get super baked, you can stare at them for hours. Anyway, park after dark. Oh, yeah, welcome. Welcome, everybody. So the fucking world's dirtiest man died. Did you hear that? I did see that.

What a shame. Was he ever fucking filthy, too? Well, he was cleaner than he used to be because he washed about six years ago. Oh, did he? Oh, no, sorry, six months ago. And now he dies? Coincidence? Maybe.

The dirt was holding him together. He was one of the healthiest people in the world, I guess, because, you know. Well, he was immune to all forms of bacteria because he had every type on his skin. Smart. Did we talk about this fucking guy? I don't know who you're talking about. We did talk about him a long time ago. He's the dirtiest man in the world.

He's got, like, fucking, he's matted up fucking beard. Yes. Just mud face, mud hands. And they gave him a shower, what, a bath six months ago? A shower six months ago. And then boom, he's dead.

Yeah. Yeah. He shouldn't have fucked himself. I guess he'd smell a little better in his coffin, but it's kind of sad. Yeah. If I could show the picture of him, he's smoking four cigarettes at a time.

Oh, so he was dirty inside, too. Dirty right through, right to the core. If you cut him up like a sushi roll, just wring the dirt inside him. Was this guy married or anything? Was he getting banged? No, but he was well-educated and smart as fuck, I guess. Just knew a lot about dirt.

Fuck, he knew everything about dirt. Fuck, the way he could smoke four smokes. I was jealous. Looks so cool. Like, that's not a thing to brag about, man. Smoking four cigarettes. And, like, evenly. They were all burning perfectly.

Fuck, what a cool dude. Well, he's dead. Stinking somewhere underground. I wish I could have hung out with him. Smoked with him. The dirty guy. Mr. Dirt. He could have taught me his ways.

Joe Dirt. Yeah, what a shame. Maybe you should start doing the same thing. Maybe you should just stop fucking washing. Don't tell him. Maybe I should. He lived for a long time. He's healthy as fuck.

Start smoking four smokes at a time. Do it up, man. It's a good idea. You gotta rip me a little piece of paper off the corner of that, will ya? Not a little. Just big enough to put my gum in. I don't want to stick my gum on your paper. Your, uh...

This would suck, too. What the fuck, man? Come on. Come. This Indonesian woman, she went missing from her job. Yeah. They found some of her clothes and her tools. Couldn't find her.

Then they found this fucking 16-foot python, and she was inside the motherfucker. Dead. Oh, Jesus. Fuck, that would suck. Imagine getting eaten by one of those cocksuckers. Oh, Jesus. Fuck, that would suck. Imagine getting eaten by one of those cocksuckers. Well, you'd be dead before he ate you.

He'd strangle you. They kill you first? Yes, they squeeze you. They just squeeze the shit out of you. But are they fast? Like, wouldn't you see the big fucking 16-foot cocksucker coming? No, they're probably like, hey, what's up, little snake? Hey, what's going on? I don't fucking like that.

I don't think that's what happened. He's 16 feet long. She probably wasn't trying to pet him. That's a big fucking thing. But if you're sitting there having supper, he could dangle down from the roof behind you right slow. If he's wrapped around one part of your body, then you're fucked.

Even if he gets your wrist, you're fucked. Really? Well, he can just wrap around, man. Fucking Jesus. But he's not a boa, but pythons still squeeze, don't they? They're a constrictor, I think. Is that the word? Boa constrictor? Is that what got her? No. Python. Python.

I don't know about that one, man. Well, he wouldn't... Her body was pretty much fully intact. They killed the fucking snake, which is a shame, because cool snake. But yeah, ate the whole thing whole. Well, yeah, that's what they do, but she would've, he would've, she wouldn't have been alive

when she was going down the throat. I don't know, man. No, she wouldn't be. Did pythons bite? Were they venomous fucking creatures or what? They said that... Yeah, maybe. She bit the poor chick and she fucking died and he went...

No, I don't think, man. Which end went in first, her head or her toes? I think they're a squisher. They squish things. That's a constrict think, man. Which end went in first, her head or her toes? I think they're a squisher. They squish things. That's a constructor, man. That's what I thought. I didn't know if pythons do that, man.

Yeah, man. They unlock their jaw, that's for sure. It's not a fucking cobra. Yeah, your mom was called the python back in the day. She can unlock her jaw? Big time. She could fit a horse. Why did they have to kill the fucking snake?

They said they had to kill it so they could confirm that she was inside the thing. I mean, they could have stolen it back up and kept it alive. That's a huge undertaking. A fucking, get a human body out of a fucking python, man. Zip it up. Come on. Yeah, I guess. That's a lot of work.

Well, you just open it up like... Just kill the fucking snake. You just open it up like a piece of luggage with a fucking awful knife. Just put a zipper of work. Well, you just open it up like... Just kill the fucking snake. You just open it up like a piece of luggage with a fucking alpha knife. Put a zipper in place. Pop her out and put a zipper in. Doesn't work that way, man. That'd be a good idea,

because then you could reopen it if you needed to, if you killed somebody else. Right. The way they move, they got the fucking scales that go like this, that makes them move. Zipper it with, fuck it up. Velcro then. Bob's, you're starting to talk like him, Bob's.

Put a couple strips of Alcrow on him. You know how I've always wanted to fight a bear? Yeah. Yes. It can be done. This woman's 68. She got in a fight with a bear. Fucking ripped her face apart and ripped her vagina apart, I guess.

Ripped her vagina apart? Well, they said groin, but I'm gonna... That's, yeah. Read into it. Did. Obviously. And she just punched the nose a few times

and fucking... Bye-bye, bear. Punched it in the nose. Yeah, like six times. Bang, bang, bang, bang. And the bear's like, fuck, that hurt. Out of here.

Yeah? Does she have some skills or what? She's 68, I doubt it. She could have been a retired boxer. I don't know. I She's 68, I doubt it. She could have been a retired boxer. I don't know. I didn't ask.

Wow. But it can be done. So anyway, I was down in Washington State. I'm going to get a helicopter, drop me off in the woods. Or it can be done, but maybe that bear was like a pussy anyway. It was a mother bear, and they fucking hunted the bear down and killed it. She might have just got lucky, like a good, a lucky shot where it made it sneezy. Because if you can make it sneeze, it doesn't want anything to do with you.

Why'd they have to kill the fucking bear? They had two little babies with it. She had the taste of the vagine and probably wouldn't want some more. Yeah, but that's why. Is that what happens? Is it if a bear gets a taste of something like that? Yeah, man. It's like, I want some more of that.

Well, when you have... It happens to us. First time you had McDonald's, did you want to go back and get more? First time you had a taste, did you want more? That's right. None of your beeswax. It's a powerful piece of the human body.

None of your beeswax. You want more and more and more, Bob's. I wonder if he likes Cheezies. No. He'll feed the fucking likes Cheezies. No. He'll feed the fucking fish Cheezies. I'm gonna try to make it more orange. Ricky. A little bit of cheddar cheese.

Why don't you put some food coloring in there? Put some orange food coloring in there. And then you wouldn't be able to see. Don't tell him that. Put some tang in that fucking bowl. Tang would be good. Fish must like tang. Try it, man.

Fish can't have tang. Too much sugar. Well, you know what we should do? We should put bets on whether this thing's going to be alive when you get back. I'm a hundred bucks saying it's dead. I'll take that bet any day that we can spend a life for fucking five years. A hundred bucks that fish is dead by the time you get back from your little nature fucking hike. Shut the fuck up.

What? He's got nine lives. That's going to die nine times then, I bet. Just he's going to be fine as long as you keep him going. Well, that might not happen. Okay, when you're out fucking playing in the leaves with your cats up in Cabot Trail... I didn't know Orangy was coming.

Think about how much I care about this fucking thing. Well, I didn't know Orangy was coming. Well... I'm glad you got thing. Well, I didn't know Orangy was coming. I'm glad you got your smart box, man, because I started going down this rabbit hole. I found this thing that's with the weirdest cover songs of all times. Okay.

What are they? Did you know William Shatner sang Rocket Man? Yes, I've seen it many times. How bad is it? Oh, man. It's very artsy. He speaks it more than sings it. I don't know if I've seen it. Oh, man. It's very artsy. He speaks it more than sings it. I don't know if I've seen it.

Oh, it's very good. And then they superimpose a second William Shatner next to him on the stage, and he has a conversation with him. He's smoking. Oh, I think I did see that. He's smoking a cigarette, and he's got a smoking jacket on. Was he on Mushrooms when he did that? It was his interpretation.

On Mushrooms. Maybe. I think so, man. Sid Vicious sang My Way by Frank Sinatra? Yeah. He absolutely did. How was that? Because it said it was pretty bad.

It said he can't really sing. Yeah, it's not as good as the, you know, not as good as the original that Prank did. Not quite the nuances in the voice. I didn't know this, but did you know that he was fucking terrible on the bass guitar? Yes, he didn't know how to play the bass. They had to unplug him at his live shows because he was fucking horrible. Yeah, he didn't quite know how to play.

He just fucking slapped them all and fucking... Is that what he did? I didn't know that. Yeah, he wasn't, you know, he didn't really know what notes were what. He was just sort of... Going with it. Going with it. Using the force. But he often was playing...

That's pretty far. He was often playing in the wrong key. So what happened? Did they like... They would unplug them. Yeah. So you couldn't hear. What about recording fucking tunes?

They must have used somebody else, I guess. Yeah, I don't know if Sid played on the albums or not. Wow. He must have used somebody else, I guess. Yeah, I don't know if Sid played on the albums or not. He was more interested in the drugs and the fucking, more so than the music. All right, here's a fucking weird one. And I've never heard this song. Ozzy Osbourne sang Stayin' Alive. I didn't, I don't think I've heard that one.

Pull it up, YouTube, let's go. Let's go, Ozzy Osbourne, Stayin' Alive. And this one's weird, too. Soft Cock, or Limp Bizkit, as they're also known, sang Faith by George Michael. No, I don't know if I heard that one, either. Shit, it is true, man. I've never heard...

Whoa. Ozzy sings Stayin' Alive. He sure does. Let's hear it. I don't know that I've ever heard that. Just one sec, man. Just let these fucking ads run. Fuck, I hate ads.

Goddamn ads. Skip these motherfuckers. Just be patient, little buddy. You'll be hearing it in a second. The disco train! What's got Iron Man kind of feel to it? Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.

I like this shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's got the clav and that's gone. Well, if you're a child by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's baby. Fuck, I like it. Oh, it's all right. I'm living in a world where I've been kicked around since I've been born. It's all right. It's okay. I like it. Will you give it a thumbs up or thumbs down? I like it.

I like it a lot. I'm going to give it a thumbs up. I like it better than the original. All right, pull up this one. Just wait. I want to hear the chorus. Okay. Oh, yeah. that's right.

All right. I thought he might go. Yeah. All right, look this one up. Limp Bizkit, Faith. Limp. Wow, Ozzy's recorded staying alive. I did not know that.

I did not know that. Weird, wild stuff. You know what? People are looking this up, man. That is weird, wild stuff. Get it? Shut up, man. This is Limp Bizkit? That is cool, I don't think.

I'm going to go thumbs down. Sounds like he's constipated a bit, eh? That's fucking terrible. Now, Ozzy wins. Turn it off. Ozzy wins. Turn it off. Ozzy wins. Just a second. We got a kid.

Oh, but I know sometimes I'm so bad at being mom Are they purposely trying to sound out of tune? Yes, they are. Now, Ozzy's

Ozzy's the winner. Much better. All right, this is another one. Yep. The Mike Flowers Pops. What? Oh, I know them. They do a bunch of covers.

The Mike's Flowers. Mike Flowers Pops. Whoa. They do a rendition of Wonderwall, apparently. Oh, Oasis. I bet you the Gallagher brothers just love this version. Did you find it? Wonderwall, yeah, I Wonderwall, apparently. Oh, Oasis, I bet you the Gallagher brothers just love this version. Did you find it?

Wonderwall, yeah, I got it, man. All right. It's very like loungy boobity boop. It's not like the other one. It's very like, it's like lounge music. All right, here we go. Dropping the needle.

That's it. What the fuck is this? Wow. I hear the word on the street That the fire in your heart is out Woo! And I'm sure you've heard it all before It's growing on me here.

I'm liking it. It's not as bad as the Limp Bizkit one. This guy is fucked. Anybody feels the way I do About you now See, a good song's a good song, boy. about you now. See, a good song's a good song, boy. And all the roads that lead is where I'll wind in.

It's making me smile, all right. Yeah, I'm getting into it weird. I don't know if it's because the edibles are mixing in with this. I'm blushing. Woo! There are many things that I You know what it reminds me of that... Say to you, but I don't know how

It's a good back-and-turn, boys. It reminds me of that Paul Anka album where he did the covers. Maybe That was a great album. Are we done? Yeah, well, there's one other one, but we don't need to hear it.

No, we do. We do need to hear it. It's just Disturbed, The Sound of Silence, which I think is fucking good. They said it's weird and they didn't like it. I thought, I like that song. Disturbed. The sound of silence. This thing is listening, my computer's listening to you, man.

I punched in disturbed, not even the whole word, sound of silence. Well, that's because that's their most famous thing. He knows a smart voice when the computer hears it. Okay, here we go. Good song's a good song. And a Sherpa is a Sherp dog. That's all I'm gonna say. Sherpa is a Sherp. And a Sherpa is a Sherp dog. That's all I'm gonna say.

A Sherpa is a Sherp dog. A Sherpa is a Sherp dog. What's Sherp about it? It's claws? No, it's mind. Oh, they're smart motherfuckers, are they? Yes. Who's smart?

Sherpas. Kinda sad, right? Every now and then I get a little bit tired. Turn around. See, I like this. If you're in the mood to fucking cry, maybe. Pass your head against someone. Or murder someone.

Or kill somebody. I do like this song. I like this song. If you're driving around at night in the rain looking for somebody to murder. It'd be a good soundtrack song. If your chick just broke up with you, man, that's not a good song to listen to. Start crying, baby. There's a murder in my brain.

Still remain. Let's go. All right. And my brain still remains within the sound of silence. We're pretty fucking hard to outdo Simon and Garfunkel. That is... A lot of people say they can sing pretty good. That's nice, man. All right. Okay, yes. I mean, it doesn't.

It's not terrible because, again, I'll repeat it again. A good song's a good song. Apparently those guys could harmonize Asian music.

Good. Who? Simon and Garfunkel? Yeah. Some of the greatest harmonizers in the history of music, Ricky.

And were they brother and sister? Simon and Garfunkel. Simon and Garfunkel was two men. They were banging. They were not brothers and sisters. Thirst. Because normally family members sound good together.

They were two men. Fucking Archer's family. Okay, turn that off. It's starting to weird me out. Donny and Marie. Fuck. Donny and Marie. Fuck. Donny and Marie. They were a family.

They weren't banging. No, they were singing together, man. They sounded nice together. Oh, I thought you meant... They weren't banging? No, they were brother and sister. Dummy. Jesus Christ.

Donny and Marie. That must be another people I'm thinking of. Another people. Oh, was it Cher? Did she... Sonny and Cher. Sonny and Cher were banging, yes. I knew there was banging going on in one of those groups.

Donny and Marie and the Partridge family. They could have been banging. Who knows? The Partridge family, some of them were banging, but they were only a pretend family. Were they banging? Yeah. Who was banging on that? David Cassidy was taking, he was banging the mom. Was he banging? Yeah. Who was banging on that? David Cassidy was taking, he was banging the mom.

Was he? No way. He was. Are you fucking kidding me? Google it. Him. He had quite the hog. Man, I got a brand new respect for that motherfucker.

He had what? What'd you say, Rick? I think he had quite a hog. David Cassidy? I don't know if he had a big hog on him. Wasn't he singing for a bit and then he got all banged up? David Cassidy? He's still good, he had a big hog on him. Wasn't he singing for a bit, and then he got all banged up? David Cassidy? He's still good, man.

I think he's all right. I thought he's dead. So David Cassidy was banging. I thought he had a lead. Was? The mom. How do you put this in the thing? Did David Cassidy bang the mom from Brady Bunch?

Not Brady Bunch. That's a different show, different mom. Cassidy was banging what, the mom? The mom in the Perch family. I believe they had a... Wasn't he like 10 back then? No, David Cassidy wasn't. It's finishing what I'm typing here, man.

It was like 19 or 20. He wants to come out and hang out. He had a one night stand with Susan Day. Oh, Susan Day, that's not the mom. Okay, I'm not done, he's banged Susan Day. Oh, Susan Day. That's not the mom. Okay, I'm not done. He's banged a lot. Oh, no kidding.

Okay, he talks about it. Susan Day was not the mom, though. What the fuck was she? Marsha? No, the daughter in the Partridge family. Yeah, Marsha, wasn't it? No, that's the Brady Bunch. I don't fucking know, man.

Who was the mother in the Partridge family? Susan Henderson. No. Just one second. Hey, Siri, who was the mother in the Brady Bunch? Shirley Jones. No. Shirley Jones.

Ricky, you can't talk to that. It's just... I've seen people do it, and it works. Not that type of watch. You need an Apple watch. That's just an old fucking Walmart fucking $8 watch. You can't talk to it. I heard those work.

Keep going, man. What's the other one? They do work. The non-Apple one. Hey, Alexa. Nope. All right, so when the fuck did David Cassidy die? He fucking banged up playing tours and shit, I thought.

Or am I thinking of someone else? You're thinking of the fucking one of the Gibbs. Jesus, the young Gibbs guy. I think he got banged up and fucking may have even OD'd. David Cassidy? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't think so. I'm wrong once in a while.

When did David Cassidy bang Shirley Jones? How the fuck did David Cassidy die? Hey, Siri. Fuck, I want this to work. Just to prove you guys wrong. It's not going to, Ricky. It doesn't even have a microphone in it. It has no capabilities of connecting to the internet.

Keep trying, man. It's an $8 watch that you gotta wind. Keep trying. Never give up, Ricky. Okay, this is your life. I'm not seeing it, man. Can you fucking just ask how he died? How the fuck?

Just a second. I'm on the wrong thing. I'm on fucking YouTube. Go to Google. Who? How? Do you know how to work a computer? Fucking give me a second.

I'm on drugs. It's hard to operate these things, bubs. I'm not a fucking Bill Gates. How? Just Bill Gates. How? One at a time. Bill Gates didn't have apples. One at a time. He wasn't an apple guy.

We're going to find out if he banged her or how he died. How he died. How he died. That would drive me crazy. Let's start with that. David Cassidy. I'm going to say he choked on a croissant. I'm going to say he overdosed mid-fucking.

Choked on a... Pups, he might have. He loved croissants. And he was a reckless eater. That's a fact. He died at 67. Honestly, he collapsed on stage. I fucking...

Well, that doesn't mean he was banged up. No, man. He was fucking Alzheimer's, man. He's not who I was thinking doesn't mean he was banged up. No, man. He was old. He fucking has Alzheimer's, man. He's not who I was thinking of then. He died of organ... Okay. Organ failure related to alcoholism. Well, that's why he shouldn't have been pacing himself. Okay, Ricky, fair enough.

He got back on tour and he got on the liquor. He laid himself. Happens to the best of us. He had an alcohol problem. Who doesn't? I know. Okay, now, did David Cassidy do it with Shirley Jones? Did David Cassidy do it? Is that what you want me to say? Well, did David Cassidy have an affair?

Have. Or sleep with? Sex. Yes. Okay. What's her name, Shirley? Shirley Jones. Maybe it was Laverne.

No, man, that's a different fucking show. What's her name, Shirley? Shirley Jones. Maybe it was Laverne. No, man. That's a different fucking show. That's Penny Marshall. She's not around anymore. Okay. Sex and the Pratchett family. Oh. And David's dad.

Did they have a relationship? She married Cassidy in 1956. And they had three fucking sons. Who did? Sharon. Sharon who? Shirley. Shirley Jones was married to him?

They got divorced in 1974. Shirley Jones was married to David Cassidy. Yeah, and Jones reportedly, she declined. He wanted her back. So it wasn't... Oh, I didn't know that. So it wasn't a one-night stand. It was a fucking longer than that. So he played her son,

but they were married? That's a bit fucking weird, isn't it? That is a bit odd. Jesus, Murphy. What happened to Shirley Jones and Jack Cassidy? Who the fuck is Jack, her son? Oh, maybe Jack Cassidy. And Cassidy divorced, okay.

Who the fuck is Jack Cassidy? After 18 years of marriage? No, there's no way it's David Cassidy. Man, you're going to have fucking people calling. Yeah, man. Soon your eyes fucking people calling. Yeah, man. Soon your ass. Oh, my God. Here, I'm going to fucking get to the bottom of this.

All you got to do is type in Shirley Jones and go. No, no, no. She was sleeping. She was banging. Jesus Christ. Jack Cassidy. Scott Bale. Scott Bale.

That's a totally different show. Scott Bale banged? Not everybody back in the 80s banged each other from different shows, bubs. Scott Baio banged everybody in the 80s. Every person that was on a TV show. Did he bang David Cassidy? Scott Baio banged every person on a TV show, including men. The Fonz?

Not the Fonz. Okay, Shirley Jones, personal life. She married Jack Cassidy. David Cassidy was Jack's son from his first marriage to... So she was married to David Cassidy's dad. Okay. All right. Okay, now...

Now we got the fucking goods. Now. So she didn't bang on that? Well, she couldn't if I don't think. I must have had that. Oh, man. See, this is probably just a little handy or something. She didn't, it was her fuck, she didn't jack off her son at all.

Oh, I didn't. Her stepson, not her real son. Well, stepson, whatever. There's all kinds of porn about that stuff. Oh, wait now, hang on. Right after Joel said, man, as I ran my... Do these guys, David Cassidy, have sex with Shirley Jones? This is getting... There's a lot going on, man.

Was she hot back in the day? I forget. Yeah, she was, wasn't she? Shirley Jones? Well, it's November the 4th. Do you want to know who got porn? Short haircut. On November the 4th? Just wait.

We got to figure this out. David Cassidy. Walter Cronkite got born on November 4th. Who gives a fuck? We want to know who Shirley fucked. She fucked a lot. I don't know what she did. I don't know.

Okay, this is weird. Who was it that David Cassidy fucked? Julie Jones reveals shocking details about her sex life. Oh. She may have been a little dirty. Dirty stuff. Here we go. Just hold that thought, Ricky.

We're getting into Shirley Jones filth. It's a lot to read, man. It's a lot to read. Okay. What type of stuff was she up to? How long is the resume? Smell the soils and hang on your hats. Surprise your lives, she replies.

All right. Poor Shirley Jones. She's probably a lovely person. Oh, oh, whoa, whoa. Whoa, what? Marilyn Brando? Well, who didn't? Fuck, Richard Pryor fucked him, didn't he?

Jimmy Stewart? That's true. Jimmy Stewart? Marilyn Brando and Richard Pryor, they did it. Richard Rogers? Richard Pryor, they did it. Richard Rogers? Richard Pryor. Marlon Brando, he banged everybody. Brando banged Richard Pryor, that's a fact.

He did not care about the wood. And I would not say that on this show. And he was good. Reports are he was a good bag. Marlon Brando did not give a fuck. As long as there's a little bit of heat in there, he didn't care. Handsome actor, okay, he didn't care. Yeah. Handsome actor, okay to try, he's gonna pass it.

First lover, that's a first, was... Marlon Brando. The sexual Spangali is Mr. Jack. Jack Cassidy? Jack did a lot of good hammering. Jack Cassidy? Yes. Really?

Who the fuck is Jack Cassidy? David Cassidy's dad. Yeah, but he was married to Shirley Jones. Was he like a bummer? What was he? He was an actor.

All right. Jack Cassidy. Just look up one thing for me quickly. I'm still trying to figure out who she banged here, man. Just a second. I want to get to the naughty stuff.

I'm going to just declare that Shirley Jones was a lovely person and she did not do anything wrong. Is Walter Cronkite still alive? Walter Cronkite? No, Ricky. Because it doesn't say that he died.

He was born in, like, 1916. That's an oldie, if he is. He's not a... Walter Cronkite's not alive at 114. Well, Art Kearney got born on this day. Oh, did he? Honeymooners. Yes.

Kathy Griffin. Is that that weirdo that got way too much plastic surgery? She's not a weirdo, man. She's... I'm thinking of somebody else. Maybe she is. I don't know. No, I'm thinking of somebody else. When did Walter Cronkite die?

2009. Well, he was pretty fucking old. He was. He was almost 100. All right, Julian, a couple little erection birthdays for you. Whatever. Actually, three of them. Ralph Macchio, who you've met and groped.

I didn't grope Macchio, man. I got a picture with him because he's the fucking karate kid. I got a picture with the karate kid. Yeah, I know. Nobody groped him. You better put some duct tape on him for the next one. Oh, man. Matthew McConaughey.

Don't be nudging me after saying that. He's done some good movies. A little more duct tape for this last one. Right on. Puff Daddy. Puff Daddy. He's got lots of money. Puffy. Yeah, his money does get me excited. Puffy makes. Boing! He's got lots of money. Puffy.

Yeah, his money does get me excited. Puffy makes you puffy, doesn't he? That's a lot of money. Puffy makes you puffy? Yeah. All right, let's go to the fucking liquor store. It's the first weekend of November. We need to celebrate.

What are we celebrating? I don't know. Let's celebrate that we've made it to another November around the sun. I'll drink to that. All right, you guys get that going. I'm gonna have a list of naughty things that Shirley Jones has done. Shirley Jones was a saint, I have discovered.

Cheers, motherfuckers. Until next time. Cheers. It might've been the Brady Bunch lady that was banging one of her TV sets. She was over the fucking maid. Or the voice of her at the front. We'll figure that out next week, maybe.

I don't want to hurt people. She was over the fucking maid. Or the voice of her. We'll figure that out next week, maybe. See the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer. Go to swearnet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys Swearnet app.