Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 24 - Seven Days of 007
Episode Date: November 9, 2020The Boys pay their respects to James Bond star Sir Sean Connery, and chat about his most awesome movies. They also discuss the whale that saved a train, oiling up The Rock, and getting a rat up your a...rse! Also: What would Ricky, Julian and Bubbles be doing in the year 1850?!
Transcript
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Just saying Ricky, you shouldn't be flinging dog shit at people.
You just shouldn't be doing it. That's all I'm saying.
You gonna come do this or what?
Is he even awake?
Huh?
Are you guys fucking both passed out?
We were having a conversation.
What were we talking about, Puffs?
Ricky was flinging dog shit
at the neighbors.
When did he do that?
Yesterday. Last night.
I can't remember, man.
The seven days of fucking 007.
It's taking a toll on me, man.
Do you guys even...
Is he awake?
I don't know.
So I've been talking to myself for 20 minutes?
Let's just have another 10-minute moment of silence here, bubs.
Ricky!
Come on.
Ricky.
Have some respect.
Mm-hmm.
How long have you been sleeping?
I don't know, man.
I'm tired, Bubz.
I'm...
Oh, my God.
It's been a rough week, man.
I know it's been a rough week,
but that's why you got me.
He was one of the greatest actors ever to fucking be on Earth, man.
I know, you're devastated.
I know, you used to pull your wiener to pictures of him.
I didn't do that, man.
Okay, boys, it's time for the Park After Dark.
Oh, this is...
Now I remember.
I thought I'd got this dreamt, but maybe I did.
I'm doing this Park After Dark in memory of Sir Sean Connery, man.
Okay.
All right?
Come on up.
Just want to give my best wishes to this family.
If these were actual size,
starting at each end of the runway,
who's going to win?
What?
Full head on.
If they were actual size?
Yeah.
Well, this thing's gonna destroy it, Rick.
No, but if this thing was really that big,
and this was a 787...
I mean, this...
The fucking pilots are gonna be killed, for sure.
These guys might survive, depending
if you took it like right there.
Oh, you mean if they were this size?
No, if you built the monster's truck bigger than a 787
and you had a full-size 787 at one end of the runway,
this guy at the other end of the runway,
then just have at her.
Do you know how big that would have to be, Rick?
You'd have to have a few fucking locomotive engines in it,
wouldn't you?
It'd be a big truck.
If it went wrecky, I mean, this thing, it might snap the nose gear off the thing,
but I don't even think it would.
This would get obliterated, Ricky.
If I was flying this fucking thing, at the last second, I would cheat.
Why?
Bring my nose up just a hair so that you would hit this guy.
Put him down for a second.
You'd hit him like this.
And you would just glance off here so the pilot would survive.
Engines would get ripped off and explode, burning him to death.
No, they wouldn't.
I'm just saying, the size of this thing, see that push bar right there?
Yeah.
If that was like metal, that would be one fucking piece of fucking engineer right there.
You're talking about hitting a fucking full size 787.
Boy, look at this thing.
It's half the fucking size, man.
Look.
It's bigger, actually.
I don't even know what you guys are talking about size-wise.
If this was actual size.
And this was actually the same scale as that to that.
That's what you're talking about.
Yep.
Somebody gets it.
Think about how big that fucking thing would have to be.
It's not making sense to me.
Is this the size of a real monster truck?
Compared to that, if this was real...
Okay.
Scale them both up.
And the scale was the same...
Okay, now I gotcha. It's a big fucking both up. And the scale was the same.
Okay, now I got you.
It's a big fucking monster truck.
Okay, now I got you.
This would destroy that, man. That'd be a big fucking truck.
That's like a fucking...
Now I understand what you're saying.
So this is a full-size 787.
Yeah.
Which stands, you know, say it stands, you know, 50 feet tall up to the top of the plane.
So then...
Big daddy ears.
Oh, my God.
No, Ricky, this would kill it.
This would just go right over it.
Mash the engines in.
Oh, it would be devastating.
See, that's the shit that keeps me awake at night.
I thought you meant if this was an actual size 787
and this was just the size of a real monster truck.
It'd still be good, but it wouldn't be that great.
I mean, it might snap the nose gear and stop, but it would be...
I mean, if it was...
Yeah, if they were still in that proportion, it would be devastating for the airplane.
So we're doing this, are we?
I believe.
You guys want a bottle of whiskey?
Yes.
Sure, man.
What do you mean?
15 bucks each.
Okay.
Someone's dropping them off later.
Who is?
Actually, scotch.
I've never tried scotch, but I think tonight is the night I'm going to drink it.
Oh, in honor of Sean Connery, you're going to have a nice drink of scotch, are you?
I don't know if I like it.
I tried it, like, what, 10 years ago?
I'm not a scotch drinker, man.
We had Halloween, and then for some reason we decided we had to stay up Sunday night
and call it the Hurricane's Zeta Party.
That's when Sean Connery died.
Yeah.
And then, so why have we been staying up for the rest of the week?
Oh, yeah, then the seven days of the fucking 007, man.
Then the thing happened Tuesday we're not going to talk about.
And then, yeah, here we are.
Still fucked up.
Well.
Holy fuck.
I don't know what to tell you guys.
All right.
The Rock is one of the best movies.
Dwayne Johnson? Untouchables. The Rock is one of the best movies Dwayne Johnson Untouchables
The Rock
Why are we talking about The Rock?
Because he wants to rub oil on his chest
Untouchables
Fucking
Oh he'd be touchable if you oiled him up
The Rock would I mean
He wouldn't be that untouchable
Julian would be touching him
All over Yeah The rock would, I mean. It wouldn't be that untouchable. Julian would be touching them all over.
Yeah.
I'm not talking about the rock.
You would oil up the rock if you got the chance.
Imagine you two walking down a beach together
in fucking string bikinis all oiled up.
Jesus Christ, man.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
And you would be, he would be just,
you would be like his little kitten.
You would be just like little Julian under the big rock there.
That would never happen, okay?
I was talking about fucking James Bond.
Anyway, not the fucking rock.
Oh.
The movie, The Rock.
Oh, the prison movie.
Nick Cage in it.
It's a good movie.
Good fucking movie, man.
Great movie.
Untouchables, another awesome fucking movie. Good fucking movie, man. Great movie. Untouchables, another awesome fucking movie.
They kicked ass, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, his 007 appearances are really what matter.
Yeah, I know.
But that's a given, man.
I'm just talking about all of his other work, you know?
The fucking number of ladies.
Indiana Jones.
How many ladies?
Shining.
He was great in Shining. How many ladies? He was great in The Shining.
So many ladies.
What?
Yeah, he had to...
Well, he also competed in Mr. Universe back in the day for Scotland.
Didn't know that.
Of course you did.
He competed a bunch of times.
He was a bouncer.
Do you have any posters?
He used to kick the fucking ass.
He was the real Roto's man, that dude. Sean Connery was a bouncer? Do you have any posters? He used to kick fucking ass. He was the real Roto's man, that dude.
Sean Connery was a bouncer?
Yeah, and he was tough, man.
He wasn't one of these pussy guys.
He was a tough dude.
Jesus.
A lot of respect for that guy.
A lot of knowledge.
You got to know him.
He was kind of like one of my heroes, you know?
Huge crush.
That's not a crush.
I didn't know you felt this way about Lord Connery.
Planes, trains, and automobiles.
He was fantastic.
Soccer player.
What was he in Planes, Trains?
He walked through the background of a shot at the airport.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What the fuck is that noise, man? through the background of a shot at the airport. Yeah.
The fuck is that noise, man?
Sounds like you're venting gases. It's not me.
Okay, boys, so let's get at her here.
Got some big news.
Oh yeah, what is it?
Let's go into big news.
I don't know.
Did we start yet?
We might, you know.
Welcome to the... Did we do that yet?
No, man.
We never fucking remember to do it.
It doesn't even really matter because they're watching it now.
All right.
And what's it brought to you by today?
The letter J.
And scotch on the rocks.
Because that's coming soon.
You worked the rock in there again, did you?
Scotch on the rock.
That's where he pours scotch
all over the rock's chest and licks it off.
That's not, I'm not talking about
fucking Dwayne Johnson.
Scotch on the rock.
You know what?
A little shot into his belly button.
That's a fuck.
Can you really put your...
No, I would never do that.
Jesus, boys.
Here, Mr. Dwayne Johnson.
Here, let's get Dwayne on that scotch.
What's your favorite drink?
Scotch on the rock.
Scotch off the rock.
You guys are fucked.
That's where you pour a shooter down.
Pour a shooter down between his tits. I've seen Randy do that quite a few times.
He's done a few body shots off of some people.
You were there?
I witnessed it once.
It wasn't... It was...
He really enjoyed it, man.
Did he ever shoot off you?
No. You think I let him fucking suck booze off me, man. Were you ever... Did he ever shoot off you? No.
You think I let him fucking suck booze off me, man?
Are you kidding?
Fuck.
You guys are fucked up today, you know that?
Here I am trying to fucking party and...
I think it's lack of sleep.
Get over a loss, but, you know.
Oh, well, just make fun of me.
Woo!
Yeah, we haven't really... There hasn't been much sleeping going on, huh?
No.
The past week.
We're pretty low energy today.
Wow.
Did you see that fucking, that train over in the Netherlands, man?
No.
It missed this thing, this stop thing, and it fucking kept going.
It went right off the end of a bridge.
But coincidentally, there was a big whale tail sculpture.
What? bridge but coincidentally there was a big whale tail sculpture what and the fucking train went and was bouncing off the fucking whale tail sculpture and just hanging like 30 feet above
this water what a fucking trippy ride that would have been did anybody get killed no the whale tail
saved all holy fuck do you have 30 feet up in the air? Yeah.
Chip's going to put a picture of it.
I can't.
Open up your stolen laptop.
Shut up, man.
It's not stolen.
But fuck, do you think the guy when he was building this wheel sculpture said, fuck,
this might be double duty?
No, Ricky, he never thought that.
I can guarantee you he never thought.
I got to build it so that if a train fucking launches off.
It was just the perfect height, perfect placement.
I think he knew.
He had a vision.
These terrified children going off the bridge and dying,
plummeting three feet in the water. That would be a good movie for Sean Connery to be in.
Yeah, he could be the train driver.
What am I looking up here?
Train.
Train. Train. Train.
Train.
Train.
Train.
Train.
What am I looking up, sir?
Train.
Whale tail train.
Train on whale tail.
Train on sculpture.
Netherlands.
Fucking Jesus.
Oh, yeah.
Holy fuck! Okay!
That is fucked up.
Yeah. That is a fucked up...
Fucking driver got lucky.
What is all this
cookies and fucking... Because your laptop
is stolen and they're
still trying to use the Find My Laptop
app, which I put a jam... That's why this
came out? Yes, but I've got a jamming signal on it.
It's a pain in the...
Can you do something different to that problem now?
I am trying.
I reset the whole thing, but I can tell there's still people trying to track it down by the
serial number.
Well, make sure they don't find out.
Okay.
Look at this stupid commercial.
All right, we're going to get this going right now.
This took a lot longer than it probably should have.
Well, I'm just amazed I've got fucking wife.
Holy fuck.
Yeah, there's some serious shit going on here.
Why do you, that's The Rock, Dwayne Johnson.
Oh, it is.
Weird that came up.
See, look.
Lucky fucks, eh?
Oh, yeah, they're there.
Look closer to me.
Holy fuck. They're te to me. Holy fuck!
They're teetering.
Yeah, you got lucky.
They should put whale tails up all over the place.
He's got pictures of the rock on his desk.
I don't know why they...
Just shut the fuck up about the rock, man.
I'm not even a big fan of the picture.
You brought it up.
It was a good movie.
You're getting hurt on the air?
I'm getting hurt on the air.
This is fucking, this next one is brilliance.
And I can't believe you never thought of this.
And we can try it up here because it happened in the States.
People and judges and courts in Canada are probably way dumber.
This woman who got arrested for drugs and stalking and some other shit
posed as a prosecutor and falsified these documents and shit online and she dropped the
charges against herself it's fucking wrecking brilliant pretty fucking brilliant man yes
so she showed up at court and had the papers to drop off yeah she did most of it online
and then somebody was supposed to check up on i was like why in the fuck did the charge
charges be dropped against it was It was pretty cut and dry.
We did some digging and found out it was her.
I wonder if you...
I think we could...
So we can go do a job today, because I need money.
My trailer's roof is leaking bad.
Need to get it fixed.
And if we get in trouble...
No, no, no.
Drop the charges against ourselves.
I'm thinking about a bigger picture here.
Why don't we open up one of those fucking, you know,
like the Hammer,
Shapiro dude.
Oh yeah,
let's open a law firm.
It's not a law firm.
We know enough,
we probably could.
We'll do the paperwork
for you online.
Yeah.
That's,
we need to just
come up with some business cards
and say we're prosecutors
and have at it.
For the people.
Want your charges dropped?
Give us a call.
We are fucking extremely cheap.
I'm Ricky the Hammer Shapiro.
And Julian the Rock Shapiro.
The Rock.
This isn't going away, is it?
Mm-hmm.
Don't ever talk about that.
Anyway, I thought that was fucking great.
Too bad she got caught, because that was fucking smart.
How did she get caught, because that was fucking smart.
How did she get caught, though?
Because some guy that was supposed to check into her case saw that the charges were dropped and didn't understand why.
So he got someone to look into it, and they're like,
hmm, actually, the woman that the charges are against
dropped the charges.
So that's something, okay, we've got to figure that one out then.
So it wasn't as brilliant as
as you thought really
cause it all backfired
it's not brilliant
you're gonna get caught
back in the fucking 1800s
in the old west
when it was just you know
paper documents
and you know
you put on a
a moustache
and you just show up at court
hey I'm so and so from over the next town.
There's the, I'm gonna drop charges there,
I'm the judge, whatever.
What do you think you would have been doing back
like in 1850?
Me? Yeah.
I would have been probably,
probably doing the same thing,
fixing old west shopping carts, old wooden ones.
Like wagons.
Wagons.
I would have been a train robber, maybe,
with a fast horse named Banjo.
That's, yeah.
Probably missing a leg, too.
Banjo.
Probably would be missing a leg.
Awesome, man.
Banjo, the three-legged horse. You can walk around with a three-legged say, Banjo. Probably be missing a leg. Awesome, man. Banjo, the three-legged horse.
I was going to walk around with a three-legged horse named Banjo.
Three-legged horse that could do 40 miles an hour.
What would you be doing?
I don't know, man.
Probably making rum.
Or running a brothel.
That would be awesome.
So you'd be the brothel rum maker.
Yeah.
Julian Saloon.
He'd have a saloon with a brothel upstairs and some old west, some old west weightlifting
equipment.
Some old wooden.
You know what?
I bet you I would have been an extremely wealthy person back in 1850.
You know, if I was, I think I would have been pretty good, man.
Probably.
I probably would have tuberculosis like Doc Holliday.
Coughing into a rag.
Hacking up blood all the time.
No, I'd be specking wagons and I'd have a nice little, I'd have a gorgeous little shed.
You know what?
I would have fucking invested in a wagon business with you, with my money back then.
You would have so many strippers and old harlots.
If that had happened, you would have been running probably one of the biggest fucking trucking companies on the planet.
I might be the undertaker in town, too, so I'd have one of those nice little gentleman's ties.
You would not want to be fucking one of those deadies, man.
Think about it.
You could not work,
you could not do that
as for, you know,
as a job.
Somebody would have had
to look after the deadies.
I might vent the car
if I lived back then.
Maybe.
Now you know
how to do it.
Boys, we would have been
fucking rich, man,
back then.
1850, guaranteed.
Are we just born then
or do we go back in time
and we have all our current... I think both. Oh or do we go back in time and we have all our current
I think both
oh if we went back in time
I'd go befriend
the Ford fella
what was his name? Henry
Henry Ford
I wouldn't go befriend him
I'd make a car nicer than his and say
fuck you Henry Ford
Model B
I'd go to where I know all the oil is and I'd say, I'm buying this land, son.
Let's fucking get to the whole mine.
Boys.
Go to where they found all the gold and say.
I'd invent the Lotto 649 or the Powerball.
So what's going to happen if they ever come up with a time machine?
People start fucking whizzing back in time.
And he's like, okay, I'm fucking getting this car going.
It's 1850.
I'm going to build a car.
First thing you're going to want to do is find Doc.
Find out where Doc's living.
Well, it's going to be a big problem, man.
Go to Doc's house with the DeLorean and fucking figure out how to get the
fucking plutonium you need to get back.
Go 88 miles an hour back in 1850.
Next time you guys are laying
awake and trying to think of a good nightmare to have,
try this
one. This man in New York
fell through a sinkhole in the sidewalk
and fell like 20 feet
into a big rat pit.
Whoa. Fucking broke
his leg and his arm. Well, it probably saved
him. He got bit the fuck by
rats. What a horrible thing saved him. He got bit the fuck by rats.
What a horrible thing to happen.
It's a good time.
Imagine if he was on drugs when he did it.
Imagine if you were on acid or something like that and you fell into a rat pit.
No, you'd probably just start laughing.
You'd be like, this isn't real.
This is awesome. Well, it's better than falling into a pit of fucking jagged rocks and shit.
It probably absorbed a lot of the fucking fall.
Yeah, the rocks don't bite you and lick at you.
Yeah, but I don't know, man.
Old rats licking at you.
Biting your face.
You can't really move because your leg's broke and your arm's fucked,
so you can't bat them off.
Just fucking biting you.
Oh, one might go right up your arse.
Well, I never really thought about that.
Old rats will go in there if they get the chance.
But would they be attacking?
Couldn't you like, you know, sing to them or something,
chill them out?
Lots of people- Sing to them?
People have rats as pets, man.
Not fucking old sewer rats in New York City.
What's the difference?
What are you gonna whip out your flute?
Ooh, doodly-do, doodly-do, doodly-do, doodly-do.
Yeah, I would be trying. If I had one round of- Oh, rat my ar flute? I would be trying.
I'd be trying to fucking play the flute.
There's a big guy in my arse.
That'd be awful, man.
Well, you don't knock it till you try it.
What?
Don't some people enjoy that sort of thing?
What? Putting rats up their arses?
Putting things up there, I guess. I've heard about it.
I don't know about that.
Do you think that's an urban myth?
Didn't Richard Gere do it?
Richard Gere never put a fucking rat up his arse.
It was a guinea pig.
The worst urban myth.
It's a gerbil.
A guinea pig would probably be too big.
It was a gerbil, but it was a terrible myth.
It was an urban myth.
It was a mongoose.
There's no evidence that Richard Gere was putting gerbils up his arse.
They already squashed that, man.
He came on.
I didn't know if somebody was doing this.
I know, but that's like the man had a great career,
and now all he's known for is rifling gerbils up his arse when he didn't even do it.
And solid dressing.
No, that's not Richard Gere, Ricky.
That's Paul Newman. Well, I guess Richard Gere, Ricky. That's Paul Newman.
Well, I guess Richard Gere missed out on that one.
Because I heard it was probably Richard Gere's salad dressing
Paul Newman stole the recipe to and started selling his shit.
I thought you meant he put Paul Newman's salad dressing up his arse
to lure gerbils in there.
Well, maybe.
Here, they really like ranch.
It's like duct tape.
It's got more than one use.
What?
Salad dressing.
Oh, no, Ricky.
Lubricant.
Not as lubricant as a.
Who uses salad dressing as lube?
That's not.
Paul Newman.
He's probably tried it.
Yeah, let's try Greek tonight.
You see a little puppy that was born in Italy.
He has green fur.
It's kind of cool.
Oh, a little Irish leprechaun puppy.
Did you see the purple squirrels?
No.
Anyway, I thought they called him Pistachio, which is kind of a cool name.
For what?
What was that? What's Pistach what? What was that?
What's pistachios?
What?
Green puppy.
A green puppy?
Was what?
His name was pistachio?
Jesus.
Why are you laughing
at that, Ricky?
Yeah, man, why is it so funny?
You got so excited.
I just thought it was a funny name.
Anyway, he's pretty cute.
Green fur.
Who would have thought that was possible?
He's kicking in now, huh?
Do you know how to spell pistachio?
I just know P-I-S-S.
I don't know the rest.
Okay.
Piss.
Pistachio. Pistachio.
Pistachio.
The Irish green puppy.
Was he Irish?
No, he was Italian.
Might have had a bit of Irish in him.
Why did he turn green?
No one knows.
All of his brothers and sisters were pure white.
So no one put, like, food colour in him?
Nope.
Born.
Green.
You must don't believe it man it's real
come here pistachio come here pistachio bang kermit the frog did he kind of look like a frog
in any way nope just a dog like a dog with green fur pistachio the green irish italian dog why
would they fucking call pistachio i guess they come out green. Because they're green.
All right.
Pistachios.
Pistachios.
Eat the ones that are already... He was Franklin.
Pinocchio.
And mustachio.
Pinocchio.
The dog with the mustache.
Pistachio and mustachio.
Boys, we've got to go over there sometime, man.
Italy.
Oh, don't steal those new lawnmowers.
Why?
The robot ones. Why why because they send a text
the owner and say something's not right here bud come check on me okay so how do you know this the
guy over in england tried to steal one and guy got a text to his phone saying i'm upside down
i'm upside down from his lawnmower he went out to check on some guy had under his arm trying to run
turned around he dropped and took off smart lawnmowers you He went out to check on it. Some guy had it under his arm trying to run. Turned around, he dropped it and fucking took off.
Fucking smart lawnmowers, man.
You know what he could have did, though? He could have fucking
turned it on.
Buddy's carrying it.
Gone. That's a good idea.
Well, it's a good thing to know, man, because out at the airport
there's like 17 of them.
And I was thinking now, hmm,
that might be a good haul. Everything's got a
tracking device on it these days.
I know, but can you override that shit?
You can override it.
Oh, you know what, boys?
The fucking Jerky Boys have a new fucking tape coming out.
Remember the Jerky Boys?
The prank calling guys?
Yes, remember?
They have a thing coming out.
They have a brand new one.
That's what made me think of it because they heard a preview
and he's talking about he's got an iRobot with a fucking steak knife tape to it
and he calls iRobot.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He calls support and he's like,
Saul Rosenberg calls up and says there's an iRobot outside the door
and I taped a steak knife to him.
We'll just get right fucked up and listen to that.
It'll be fun.
Oh, I love the Jerky Boys.
Remember, we used to get, that was, that That was... We used to actually do shit like that.
That was more than 20 years ago
they used to have those tapes.
Oh, fuck.
Should I bring my shoes
so I have them?
Sue who?
Sue me?
Ha ha ha ha.
Remember?
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
You used to do a good...
What was his name?
Frank Rizzo.
Remember? Yeah. I don't remember now, but I did. You used to do a good, what was his name, Frank Rizzo, remember?
Yeah, I don't remember now, but I did.
You used to do a good Frank Rizzo, and I used to do Saul Rosenberg.
I guess we got to boycott coconut milk, huh?
Why?
Because you're fucking using slave monkeys.
What?
To pick the coconuts in Thailand, cocksuckers.
Is there such a thing as a slave monkey?
Yeah, they got them chained up and they got them trained to go pick the coconuts.
When they're not picking, they're chained.
That's terrible.
Why would you do that to a poor little monkey?
I mean, I don't like dirty ass stinky little monkeys. They're filthy fucking creatures.
I wouldn't chain one up.
No.
I mean, they don do jerk off on you.
I guess it's better than children, but...
Still not great.
No, you can't be chaining up anything like that, monkeys.
You can't do that.
Poor little monkeys.
So, we can't drink...
I mean, we've drank so much coconut milk in the last.
That's what I was thinking.
It's not going to be hard for me to boycott it.
You don't even drink it.
I don't drink it.
You've never had it before.
So I'm officially boycotting coconut milk, for the record.
All right.
All right, but is that fucking up other businesses that don't have fucking monkeys chained up?
Picking them?
Like, they can't be the only place.
Yeah, what about the companies that have, like, Legit ones, man. Legit workers who can't wait to get up in the morning
and pick coconuts to make a living,
and now you boycott it and they're out of a job.
Because of you boycotting them, you don't even fucking get this shit.
All right, I'm boycotting monkey-pecked coconut milk.
All right.
That's better.
That's much better, Ricky.
Specific boycotts are much better.
I, too, will join the boycott against monkey-pecked coconut milk.
But I think some of the candidates are, like, hand-picked.
It's like, well, they are, but it's a fucking monkey's hand.
There's a gun to the monkey's head.
And we know that, you mentioned before, they do jack off a lot.
Right.
So there could be traces of God knows what on the coconuts.
Not inside the coconut.
They're not banging the hole into the coconut.
If there was a hole in a coconut, I guarantee a monkey would bang it.
Oh, yeah.
Who wouldn't?
Did you hear about that fucking stupid fuckhead in the backyard zoo?
Nothing to say, Bob.
The guy had a backyard zoo with a leopard somewhere down the states,
and he paid this guy to have a full contact experience
where he could go and rub the little thing's belly and shit.
Closed the cage, and the fucking leopard mauled the guy.
Ripped his scalp off and fucking half his ear.
That's a fucking wild animal.
Because he doesn't know what he's doing.
Yep.
You can't just expect to go in and do belly work on a fucking leopard, and if you don't know what he's doing. Yep. You can't just expect to go in and do belly
work on a fucking leopard and if you don't know what you're doing, you come in at the
wrong angle and he thinks you're attacking him. You gotta know what you're doing when
you're handing out belly work to a fucking big cat. Jesus Murphy, no wonder he got his
scalp ripped off. Too steep of an angle. Too much pressure.
It would suck though.
Too quick.
Any of those.
Combine those up.
Scalp off.
I'm going to spend $150 to have a fucking nice experience with a kitty cat.
Next thing you know, you're in the hospital for a week.
It's not a kitty cat.
That's the difference.
It's a big cat.
You've got to know how to doll out the belly work properly.
Speed. You should boycott that as doll up the belly work properly. Speed.
Pressure.
Speed, pressure, and direction.
You got to know all that stuff.
You can't come in like this.
Oh!
Jesus Christ.
See that?
See how you reacted?
I'm reading something here, man.
We got to fucking go soon, boys.
I got to go down and line up.
Line up for the fucking fire logs.
Wow. What fire logs? fuckin' fire logs. Wow.
What fire logs?
KFC fire logs coming out today.
And they're gonna be sold out quick.
The fuckin' greatest invention ever.
Put on a fire log.
What's a KFC fire log?
You fuckin' like this fire log
and it smells like KFC chicken.
Fuck. Let's do it.
Oh my God, I want one.
Put in my shed.
Yeah.
The only problem about them is that you're craving chicken all day.
Oh, I love craving chicken.
Let's have a chicken party then.
Fire logs, chicken party.
Let's light the fire logs until we can't fucking stand it.
And then we call up fucking KFC.
Here's what we do.
We buy out all the chicken in the city.
Every KFC. sell them out.
And then we light these fire logs all over
and just get people craving chicken and set up shop somewhere.
Yeah, you want some fucking chicken?
80 bucks.
Gotta buy out Mary Brown's too, then.
They don't have a fire log.
It still smells like chicken.
It doesn't smell like 11 herbs and spices all bad.
Your mom does.
And on that note.
That's gross because it does smell good.
And on that note.
Cheers to Sean Connery and cheers to Julian's mother's 11 herbs and spices stuff.