Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 26 - Here Kitty Kitty Kitty Come Kitty Cockface

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

This week, the Boys ponder some big questions: Why do rich people need so much s**t? Is cheerleading a sport? Is death by banging better than death by skydiving? Plus: Bubbles wants a penis-faced cat!

. She gonna be doing this all fucking day. Why does he always seem to fucking do this shit when we're trying to do one of these? Because he's an arsehole. We know that. Randy is an arsehole. Buffs. What's happening?

I got a question for you, man. And I thought about this. It actually kept me up last night. Six or five? It's fucked up. What? I thought you were wondering how long his penis is. For fuck's sake.

No, man. But it's kind of where you said that because you're kind of a Mr. Know-it-all, right? You think you know everything. I do. Yeah. Well, that's the fucking pot calling the cattle back. No, seriously, because, you know, you're a smart guy. I know some things.

I'm just saying you're a smart guy, bubs. I know some things. Why the fuck does McDonald's sell hot dogs? Why do they or don't they? Why don't they? Do you know? Yeah, I do. Because they're a hamburger shop.

No, man. They're a fast food shop. They got all kinds of different foods. Well, they were born on hamburgers. Yeah, but why the fuck don't they have hot dogs? I don't know. I don't fucking know. Do you? Probably because the hot dogs doesn't have hot dogs? I don't know. I don't fucking know. Do you?

Probably because the hot dog doesn't come from a cow, and a burger does. Where does the hot dog come from? Different other animals. See, that's the problem. That's why the guy at the start of McDonald's, he said, fuck that. You don't know what's wrapped up in that fucking hot dog skin.

Could be all kinds of shit. Quality control. Like he gave a fuck. Yeah. Didn't he make milkshakes not even out of milk? Yes, he did. Well, he did for a while,

but he had, you know, somebody fucking saying, let's make this cheaper. But I'm gonna blow you away, bubs. They actually do make fucking hot dogs. Oh, so it was

a trick question. Kinda. But it's in Japan. There's something nationwide in Japan. Hot dogs are called McHotDog. I'm going there just to try one. McHot Japan. Hot dogs are called McHotDog. I'm going there.

McHotDog. I might have had a McHotDog. And even closer to home, bubs, the fucking Rogers Center. There's a McDonald's in there. They sell hot dogs. Bullshit. They fucking do. That's what they're saying, man.

A McHotDog. Were they tested or something? I might have had a McHotDog when I was in Japan. And what's in it? What's it made out of? Do we know? Like fucking pork, man. It's from a goddamn pig. Most hot dogs have lips and arseholes in them.

Did you know that? Yeah, they got all kinds of... The anus goes into the hot dog. Fucking all the organs. And the anus. All right, I got another one for you, man. This is really gonna get your brain going. Are we gonna do an introduction or are you just gonna fucking spit out facts all day?

All right, welcome to fucking Perk After Dark. Here we go. Bubs, at the movie theater, what armrest is yours? Both of them. No, man. Depends which arm you are. No, no, no. If you're right-armed. Okay, if you're not a dick and you're a nice person, which one is yours?

The right one. The right one. I'd say the left one. The right one? Yeah. I'd say the left one. Well, then you're a deck. I would say whatever arm you are. If you're a right armer. No, but you can't do that, man. Think about it.

You got a lineup of people like us. It should be this one, shouldn't it? It depends where you fucking start. Then this one should be yours, that one should be yours. If you're on the end, then it's this one. Because there's nobody beside you, and so on and so on. But what about happens when you get to the other end? You get fucked. You don't sit over there.

All right, well, we're never going to fucking figure that one out, are we? Well, is there an etiquette rule? What would Martha Stewart say? She doesn't give a fuck. Who's Martha Stewart? She doesn't watch movies at all. Martha Stewart. Oh, Stewart.

Stewart. Martha Stewart. Is this like a pre-Christmas episode today, man? You're looking very Christmassy. I just, my other shirts were dirty. And I've been wearing the same shirt a lot, so I wanted to put on something a little different. Have a happy holiday Christmas.

It's not my Christmas shirt, Richard. It's your fucking lumberjack shirt. I like the cotton fucking lumberjack. I like to cotton logs. Doesn't that mean something else too? What? Cotton wood.

Cotton logs? It either means farting or banging, I forget. There's sawing logs which is snoring. Yeah.

Cotton logs is what? Cotton the cheese. Yeah. The chainsaw. And then cotton the cheese with the chainsaw means you shit yourself. I got some gifts, it looks like, hey? I got a pot holder.

Do you get it? It's a pot and it's for a pot, you know what I mean? Oh, look at that, a pot holder. I rub my own meat. We all knew that. We all knew that. We all knew that. Unless I can find someone to rub it for me. Randy will.

And I got this little curse book. What? It's kind of neat. Yeah, you just flip the different things. Like, this one's going to say, Ball Dangler. Let's try another one. Ball Dangler.

You fucking Ball Dangler. What was that one? C Ball dangler. You fucking ball dangler. What was that one? Cooch pincher. What the fuck is a cooch? Who the fuck says cooch? Ricky, you're not supposed to line. You're supposed to line like just, you know, random, I think. Rectum wipe.

Rectum wipe. Rectum. Oh, here's a good word. Let's find something to go with it. Cunt fondler. Cunt fondler. Cunt fondler. Yeah, let's see this thing. I want to see this.

Creative cursing. A mix and match profanity generator. I should have wrote that book. Here, Julian, you flip one side, I'll flip the other. Okay, man. This is what Ricky is. Go! A jerk jockey. He's a jerk jockey. I'm proud of that. Okay, man. This is what Ricky is. Go! A jerk jockey.

He's a jerk jockey. I'm proud of that title. All right, this is what Randy is. This is fun, man. Randy is a granny slime. He's a granny slime. Oh, fuck. What does that mean?

I don't think they get slimy at that age, do they? Oh, do they ever? Dry up in parts? What are you talking about? I don't know, man. It's just, that's what I'm thinking. Maybe not. I'd say things fester down there.

We'll find out when I'm older. Okay, this is a- Twat basket. That's a- Ooh, you fucking twat basket. Basket of twats. You fucking- I think it would mean it's just really big. You fucking... I think it would mean it's just really big.

You fart jacket. That's stupid, man. Wow. Ooh. You got some OMG facts. I've got some stuff here from my old trusty calendar.

From my trusty calendar of OMG facts. Let's see what it says today. 25% of business school deans say they would admit a clearly unqualified student if his or her parents donated a million dollars. There's a lot of shit going on these days. Like, what's her face? What kind of a dumb fact is that? That's stupid.

Once again, the rich just fucking do things that there shouldn't be allowed to do. And they could go to jail. There's people doing that down the state. So there's actresses. 25% of business school deans say they'd admit a clearly unqualified student if his parents donated a million dollars. So you could become a doctor if you had enough money, even if you were dumb. Well, business school, Ricky. Business.

Is that different? But you could become a, you know, you could become like a Donald Trump. Yeah. If you just, you know, buy your way through business school. You know what? That's what you should have did. Speaking of him. I'd love to go to business school.

I want to meet this guy. This guy's fucking, this guy's got some balls and he's pretty cool. His name's Richard McEwen. He's 26. This is the guy that got arrested for breaking into Taylor Swift's fucking beachfront mansion in Rhode Island. Kind of a dumb thing. He was barefooted. But anyway, he gets out on $5,000 bond.

Last week, he drove his car onto Trump's golf course in New Jersey and started doing donuts. Fucking $17,000 in damage. He's fucking becoming pretty famous pretty quick. Those are two... For being an arsehole. Yeah. You like him, do you reckon? I think it's got some good qualities.

He just says, fuck it, I'm doing this. He's like, fuck it, I don't give a fuck about these rich fucks. Yeah, but he's like fucking stalking a chick, man. That's kind of fucked. He's not stalking her. I think he just broke into her house. So he was just stealing shit. He was just looking around saying,

what the fuck is with these rich people? Why do they need all this shit? These big fucking dumb mansions. And how the fuck do you get into a house like that? Oh, you think you're rich and you just build a golf course, eh? Well, guess what? You better get some fucking machine out here and fix it.

That's what I'd be saying, too. Good man. Buzz, get your snot in my nose. I got snot. Jesus Christ, man. Anyway, in the same fucking article, do you know that Donald Trump's golfing cost taxpayers more than $100 million?

No fucking way. Yeah, that's a lot of money. For golfing. $100 million, and he used to chirp Obama saying he fucking golfed too much. Jesus, Murphy. That's a lot of money. For golfing. For golfing. A hundred million, and he used to chirp Obama, saying he fucking golfed too much. Jesus, Murphy. That's a lot of dough. That's a lot of money.

A hundred million. That's a lot. Because every time he golfs, you know, they got to pay all the Secret Service and rent the carts from him. Fucks it, bud. Since bread is square, why the fuck is sandwich meat round? I never even thought of that.

Because it's made in logs. But why can't you make them in a fucking square thing? Like a rectangle. You'd have to find the square skin. Yeah, but it just... Jack it all into. But it just wraps in, man. I don't know, then.

It just... It would be easier to make round bread. I've seen square meat. No, it would not be easier to make fucking round bread, but think about that. What about a sub bun? That's round. Just make a bigger sub bun,

make that into bread, and then your meat gets right on there. It's still going to be flat at the bottom, though, isn't it? No. Oh. If you cook it on end. No, man. That's fucked.

Remember the guy we fucking met that made those crop circles down in England? Yeah. There's fucked. That was a... Remember the guy we fucking met that made those crop circles down in England? Yeah. There's a question here about that. Can you crop fucking circles? Can they be made into squares? No. Because he told us how to do it.

Yeah, because you start from the fucking middle. It's a rope and a bunch of fucking boards, and you put it in the middle and... Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm fucking... What a fucked up hobby that is, huh? Let's fuck everybody up. You could do it.

You could do it with squares. You could make it square. You're not gonna do it as quick. It's a crop square. Crop square. Aliens. I was also reading about this dude. He went on a business trip

and he ended up banging some chick. He had a heart attack after banging her, and now the company has to pay his family. They said it was a work accident. Say that again? Say that again? He went on a work trip. While he was away, he met some person, banged them,

had a heart attack because of the banging, and it was ruled a work accident. Now the company has to pay the family. Well, technically, when you're away, you're on the fucking clock the whole time, right? So you agree with this? Totally, man. They should fucking, they should pay.

So he banged himself to death. Banged himself to death. You know what? In a way, if you're going to go out. That's the way to do it. I was thinking the same thing. But I don't know, boys. So you go away, you have an affair,

and your family's looked after the rest of their life. It's kind of a weird one. I don't think banging's the best way to die. It kind of encourages you to have affairs while you go away on business trips, doesn't it? Well, if you're fucked, maybe. No, you're getting fucked. I don't think banging's the way to go out though, boys.

Jesus, Murph. What would you like to do? Just fucking sit on the couch, watch Martha Stork? And then all of a sudden you're eating like shit, you get a heart attack going, you're dead. No, I never said that. You'd much rather be banging. Why not?

What about just like a nice swan dive off of something? Like a building? Because, you know, you don't want to kill yourself, man. That's fucked. No, I mean, if you're going to go out, maybe you just get shoved off a building. What are you going to think on the way down? Fuck, am I ever going fast? No, that's fucked.

Why wouldn't you want to bang? Well, if I get shoved off a building, I'd be like, I wonder if I'm at terminal velocity yet. Okay, so you'd rather skydive than bang? Is that what you're saying? Building dive. I think I would. Like to bungee cord than bang?

Not bungee cord. You know what? If you're going to jump, that's what I don't... How come people just don't jump out of planes with no parachutes? You know you're going to not make it then. Instead of fucking jumping off a building? That's what I don't know. How come people just don't jump out of planes with no parachutes? You know you're gonna not make it then. Instead of fucking jumping off a building. That's not true. There have been people who have bounced off the ground.

There is people that do live from fucking parachute accidents. There's a guy that fucking hit a roof and because it was on an angle it absorbed it and he rolled down and he lived. Another guy hit a bog and he fucking smacked into the bog and he lived. Another guy just hit the fucking ground and he bounced about 100 feet in the air. Yeah. But he lived. I know a guy named Wade that did that, eh?

Bounced. Fucking zucked out. Good old David Rubber Bones. Davey Rubber Bones. Landed on one other guy, just landed right on his feet. Just like he jumped off the table. No fucking way. Just like, boing.

I saw this. I tried to come to your shed last night, but you were fucking past the herd. You tried to what? Come in your shed last night to tell you something. You were past the herd. I wasn't herd. Would you or would you not

accept a penis-faced cat into your cat population? What do I mean? He's a penis-faced cat. Because a penis-faced cat needs a new population. What do you mean penis-faced cat? Because a penis-faced cat needs a new home. Her name is Daisy. She's fucking really fluffy. What do you mean penis-faced? She's got like a gray face,

and then all of a sudden she's got two balls and a penis, right? They come down like this. Made of hair? Yeah. Oh, I'd take that cat in a second. The penis-faced cat. Where do I get her? I think she's in Sydney.

I'd love to have a cat with a penis face. Sydney. What's that, like four hours? Cock face, I'd call it. Here, cock face! You'd be constantly kissing right on the fucking forehead, wouldn't you? If you spelled it C-A-U-L-K, you'd be fine, I think. The what? Wouldn't make any sense, though.

The penis-faced cat. Penis-faced cat. Images. Boom. Oh, yeah. Where? Oh, there's a bunch of cats that have fucking penis faces. Well, Daisy needs a new home.

That's who I'm talking to. Where do I call her? I'll take her right now. Is it got a gray face with like an orange penis? You suck, man. Just let me zoom in on this motherfucker. Yeah, he's the penis cat. Where?

The internet falls in love with the penis cat. Let me see if it's the same cat. Oh, I want the penis cat. Yeah, that's cock and balls. He's got like a knob thing too. That doesn't look like a penis. That's just a cool looking kitty. I want that kitty. Email them right now and tell them I'll take her. Kinda looks like the ship on, on, what was that show?

Kalaga? Captain Kirk. Oh. Star Trek. Kind of looks like Kalaga, too. Yeah, kind of looks like that. Like the Starship Enterprise. That's a nine-year-old cat.

It's in Sydney, man. You can't fucking take that cat. Sydney, Australia. No, you can't ship a cat from Sydney. My daughter also wanted us to do one of those, it's like a public servant announcement. Mm-hmm. For what?

Well, she's, you know how she's got fucking some chickens now? Making eggs? Yeah. This woman got fucking pecked by a rooster. Pecked her to death. Her valactocorus vein. I, look, I rooster. Pecked her to death. Her valacticos vein. I, look, I told you. She bled to death, man.

That's why I am. I'm a chicken. Yes. That's why I'm terrified of fucking chickens. No, but what she said is the more important thing is you got to get your valacticos veins fucking dealt with and fixed because you can bleed to death so easily. You just can scrape the little fuckers and all of a sudden you bleed out

like a goddamn bleeder-outer animal. That's fucked. Well, I don't know anything about that, but I know I was pecked unmercifully by a horde of chickens, and they were trying to kill me, bleed me. Well, you're lucky you didn't have a Verlare-LaCose fan in your fucking face.

They were trying to peck me to death, and I barely made it. I'm not down with chickens, man. Cock suckers. See, I think chickens got a bad rap Trying to pack me to death. And I barely made it. I'm not down with chickens, man. Cock suckers. See, I think chicken's got a bad rap. I don't know, hers is pretty cool. Yeah, but are we going to be allowed to eat the fucking things? No, man, they're for eggs.

That's fucked. Unless one of them's a rooster. You can have him because you're loud as fuck. I'll eat a fucking rooster. Well, that's what chicken is. You'll bang a rooster? I'll eat a rooster, Well, that's what Jimmy is. You'll bang a rooster? I'll eat a rooster, Bob. Oh, you?

Yeah, you would bang a rooster. I wouldn't bang it, I'd eat it. That's fucked. Where would you put him, right on the table here? Look who's talking, you're the one who would suck off a little cat with a little penis on his face. Don't say I would bang a rooster.

I said I would take him. You'd take him. To live. Didn't say anything about that. Rooster banger. I'm not a fucking rooster banger, man. I wonder if that's their liquor. Roaster liquor. Roaster liquor. There are more head and spinal injuries from cheerleading than all other high school and college sports combined.

I can fucking believe that. They're flinging them up in the air and just don't even care about them. There's more head and spinal injuries from cheerleading. Oh, yeah, man. They're fucked. Why? How is that even a sport? Is it a sport?

It's not a sport. Well, they have competitions. Therefore, it's a a sport? It's not a sport. Well, they have competitions, therefore it's a fucking sport. It's more like dancing. Is dancing a sport, Bubs? Dancing with the stars. Is that a sport? It's not at the Olympics. Your mom is.

What? What do you mean? She's a sport. Mom's not? Yeah. I know. After all the sailor spanger, they say, thanks, sport. They call it whaling, don't they?

Whaling. Oh, here we go. Whaling Jennings. When was the last time you got to see my mother? It was like when? I think cheerleading's a sport. When I was five, you couldn't remember. Type into your smart box.

I'll tell you what happens with cheerleading. Is cheerleading a sport? You know what happens? They get this team together, and they're all fucking doing great. And the guys are throwing the girls up and catching them. And all of a sudden a couple of them start sleeping together. And one gets pissed off at the other one. And the guy's like, oh, you want me to catch you, do you?

Fuck you. Splat. I don't know if that happens, Ricky. Oh, man. Not because of all, okay. As you can see, cheerleading meets all the fucking athletic specifications. There's no scoreboard. Yes, there is.

What's it for? There's teams, and they compete, and they get judged. No, but because cheerleading's primary fucking purpose is to support high school and college athletic fucking teams, competition comes fucking second, bud. In other words, cheerleading is not a fucking sport, so suck it. I know you wanted to be a cheerleader most of your lives, you know, you wanted to get medals

and say you're a fucking athlete, but no. Babs. Yeah. It's not a fucking sport. Maybe, well, there's no score, though, is there? Or is there a score? They've got competition, but. They get scored on. They get, they're to cheer for fucking people. Yeah, so it's kind of like figure skating.

Let's see what else we got. Fuck, maybe it is a sport. No, if we're sitting watching a hockey game, NHL hockey game, getting drunk, fucking, yeah, go team, go, go, go, yeah. Fuck them. Fuck you guys. That's what you do, is that you sit around going, yeah, team, go team. Yeah, but it's an example, Bob.

You yell that, do you? We're not throwing each other up in the air and doing backflips and shit, though. You've done some fucked up shit at the Moose Head game. Well, here you go. That's like cheerleading. I can't count the times I've come in, you know, into your trailer and Julian's sitting on the couch going, go, team, go, team. Fuck you, man.

What? He's got those little tom-toms. He's got the little pom-toms. I don't have the tom-toms. Tom-toms. Tom-toms. Those are drums, man. Hey, you know what, Ricky?

Harry Truman was the last president to lack a college degree. President didn't even have a college degree. That's so still up for me. I could be president.

Well, he probably had his fucking high school at least, man. Don't know. Was Harry Truman involved? Harry Truman? I could be president. Well, he probably had his fucking high school. At least, man. Don't know. Was Harry Truman bald? Harry Truman? Harry Truman was bald. I don't think he was bald, was he?

I think he had a beautiful head of hair. I hope he did. He was bisexual, though, wasn't he? Harry Truman wasn't bisexual, was he? No, that was the other guy. You're thinking of what's-his-face? Fucking Hoover. It was Hoover. Hoover. He was a cross-dresser, I think.

I think he dabbled in some things. Hoover with a name like that, I'm sure he did. You're Hoover. All right. We've robbed a lot of places, Julian, over the years, you'd have to say. Do you ever remember fucking robbing a place, and you were in there telling everyone to fucking fuck off and get down and shut up? Do you remember anybody just sitting back going,

Fuck you. Yeah, man. There's people that don't give a fuck. This guy just did that. It was a fucking robbery down in the States. A guy comes in with this crazy fucking AK-47 or something. This guy's just like, yeah. I'm just going to...

And he was drinking his fucking beer. Like, he didn't give a fuck. That was a guy that was just sitting there drinking. Fuck, I'd like to meet that guy. He didn't have a care in the world, man. He didn't give a fuck. Shoot me. Maybe he was high and. He didn't give a fuck. He was like, shoot me. Maybe he was high and he thought he was in a movie.

I mean, if he were drunk, he'd probably do the same thing. Or maybe he thought they're all going to die. May as well have one last smoke. Harry Truman did get his high school education, by the way, so, Rick, keep fucking working on it. You're going to need it. I think I have it, don't I? No. I'm close. No, don't I? No.

I'm close. No, man, you cheated the whole fucking way through. These facts are kind of fucked. I thought they were gonna be... They're the worst fucking facts I've ever heard. Put them in the microwave and be done with them. I'd say, yeah, melt them. I'm not gonna melt them.

I mean, I'm sure there's some good ones. This one really... If this one's not good, they're going in the fucking microwave. Oklahoma has more man-made lakes than any other state. Who cares? And has over one million surface acres of water. That's quite bad. That's pretty cool.

How do you build a lake? You dig a hole and put a hose in it. It's not a lake. That's a pond. No, it's a lake. It's a water hole. You put a fucking fire hose into her, dig out a huge crater. Why do they build all these lakes?

What do they hope to do with them? Just increase the value of the land? I don't know. They're farming fish, turtles, water snakes. What are they doing? I don't get it. Yeah, they're probably farming turtles and water snakes. Are they growing rice?

They're growing rice and farming turtles and water snakes. Who's this?? They're growing rice and fireman turtles and water snakes. Who's this? The Oklahomians. I'm not doing that, man. The fuck you talking about? Maybe that's why they have so many fucking tornadoes, because they built all these goddamn lakes. Lakes don't cause tornadoes, do they?

No, then it must be something else. Did you say they were building fucking lakes? Building, yes. Man-made lakes. That means built. Wow. By man. It means used to not be Building, yes. Man-made lakes. That means built. Wow. By man. It means used to not be there, now they are because of man.

Made it. Water and all. That's fucked up. That is fucked up. That's a lot of fucking lakes. Oklahoma, now. Have we ever been there? Yeah, man.

Long, long time ago. We've been to Oklahoma, but... Where in Oklahoma have we been? No idea. Let's name some places. We've been all over the United States, man. I don't believe we've been to Oklahoma. We've been everywhere, man.

Except Oklahoma, man. Should I fucking Google it? Yeah, we were there, man. It's the first time Googling something about us. You know what? I forget the fucking name of it. It's coming to me. No, it's not.

Oklahoma. I know we? I forget the fucking name but it's coming to me. No, it's not. Oklahoma. I know we weren't in that place that had that crazy fucking tornado. That's for sure. I'm pretty sure we've never been to Oklahoma. Where's Tulsa? That's in Oklahoma.

We've been there. Did we go to Tulsa one time? Yeah. We've been to Tulsa, man. Living on Tulsa one time? Yep, we been to Tulsa, man. Living on Tulsa time. Okay, there's Oklahoma. Oklahoma! What bird is that?

No, man. What? There's a bird that says that, or sounds like that. There's no bird that says Oklahoma. No, like that. There's no bird that says Oklahoma. No, but it sounds like it's saying that. She says chickadee says cheeseburger. Oklahoma! That's like a rooster.

Maybe it's a rooster. What do you mean a bird that says cheeseburger? Chickadees. Cheeseburger. They do. Ricky, what the fuck? You sound like Randy. You can hear it now, and I can't unhear it.

Holy fuck, man. A little fucking chickadee drives me nuts. Pull up the sound of a chickadee right now. Are you serious? All right, man. The sound of a chickadee. Chick. Good.

Chickadee. Here we go. All right, I can't wait to hear it. Maybe it's the wrong... This is the black cap chickadee. Chickadee. Here we go. All right, I can't wait to hear it. This is the black cap chickadee. I don't know if it was a black cap or not. Well, that's all I got for you. Fuck off! Fuck!

Okay, here we go. Nope. Nope. Here we go. No. No. Cheeseburger. But he could be saying. Oh there it is, cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. See?

Cheeseburger. But Ricky, he could be saying any three syllable word. Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. But let's check it. See, that's definitely cheeseburger. Gas engine. Cheeseburger. That chicken. See, that's definitely cheeseburger. Gas engine. Gas engine.

Fuck you. No. He's saying fuck you too. That's only two syllables. Time bandit. This is the high pitch seat call. Isn't that beautiful? Here's a fact that's actually kind of interesting.

It fucking better be. Oh. It applies to Julian. Did you know that alcohol doesn't kill brain cells? Yep. It just causes them to grow slower. So once you're done, man, grow, it doesn't matter. So when something is slowed... Yeah? Its progress has been retarded.

It's to retard the progress of something makes sense yeah so he drinks alcohol his brain cells the growth has been slowed

so he is the progress there has been a retard in the progress so what are you trying to fucking say to me

you're fucked no I'm not man see you'd be a lot smarter if you didn't. You know what they're doing? That's for studies for people like fucking how much Leahy's to drink. Like, they're drinking a shit ton, man. They're drinking at least a 40.

They're drinking like a 60-ounce or a day. As opposed to you drinking a quart, quart and a half. Well, it's a big difference because that's three times as fucking much. Pick something on this table and throw it in the microwave. That is a 40-ouncer. You drink one of those every day. Yeah, but I just have a couple saps. Yeah, well, you pound one of those in your guts every day,

and you're telling me that's not slowing down your brain cells? I'm not bombarding my brain cells with liquor, OK? Yes, you are. It's over time. It's a pace. What the fuck is that thing there? Is that a sugar keeper? A what? A sugar keeper? Oh, no, it's holding piece. What the fuck is that thing there? Is that a sugar keeper? A what? A sugar keeper?

Oh, no, it's holding joints. Okay. The guy with the head. You've got like fucking ten joints in there, man. Joints? He's jointy brain. Photographic memory, that's quite a fucking thing. What is the most abused drug in the world, boys?

I don't know if any of them are abused, are they? What is the most abused drug in the world, boys. I don't know if any of them are abused, are they? What is the most abused drug in the world? I would say it's prescription. No, it is not. Fuck. It's not, uh... Cocoa bean? Define abuse.

Coffee? Coffee. What's in coffee? Caffeine. Bingo. Most abused drug in the world. Caffeine. What about Necrotein? Necrotein?

Necrotein? That's gotta be up there. What is that, Ricky? Ten things you smoke. You're talking about nicotine. Cool neck. Necrotein. Smoking makes his breath smell-o. Smoking makes his breath smell-o. What is this? Smoking makes his teeth yellow.

This is... Breath, it reeks every time he speaks. This book is by Truman. Just a different one. Buried Alive, Never Die. What? What are you reading a book like that for? I don't know if I'm going to. This is fucked up.

What, Bobbs? Laptop screens at Apple stores are open to exactly 70 degrees. They want people to touch the computer and the angle forces them to. Not when I was in it the other day. Well, you were stealing them. All the fucking ones were like this? Well, you were stealing them. Yeah, but I'm just saying, that's what they were like. I wonder if they have to go in with

like a protraction detonator and like measure. I don't know. It's not 70 degrees. You lose your store, bud. So that's about 70 degrees right there, right? Who tells them they lost their store? The fucking Apple police. Oh, this way. Yeah, maybe it was

back there. Yeah, it was. 70 degrees. That's what I just fucking said. Oh, man, it was up like that. They must have an angle maker. Hmm. I don't know, boys. I don't know, man. I think I need to have a nap.

I need to go do something productive, man. Like what? Make some fucking money. Just sitting around here tired of feelings. Are you gonna read today? I don't know. I don't know what to do. Why don't you read your rapid vocabulary builder? Cole's notes on rapid vocabulary builder.

Even better. It's a start. Read it. Alright. Sign off, bubs. Thanks for coming in, everybody. We'll fucking see you next week, Ricky, what the fuck did you... Did you just put that book in the microwave? No.

Ricky, the book's gonna blow up. It's gonna burst into flames, and you're gonna burn your trailer. Turn it off. What is it? How do you turn it off again? Just open the fucking door. Uh...

Pull the door open. See how hard it is. Why are you... your sunglasses, boy. Oh, man. Fuck them. See? That's what happens when you do stupid fucking things, man. Like, why? That sucks. I thought maybe they'd just get warm, then you put them on your head and they'd feel nice. Now they're fucking no good.

They stink, dude. I'm probably breathing fucking fumes that are gonna kill me. No, no, they're fine. Just one eye. There, if you just go like this.