Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 26 - Weed and Hash Math with Ricky

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

Join Luigi Villeneuve, Clifton Francois de Lugio and Mika Tina for the latest Park After Dark! Discover if you can teach a drunk horse new tricks, how to sell frozen pigeons to China, and the best way to get learnt on math. Also: Why the f**k doesn't the Apple Store sell apples?!

So? So? So? So what, man? I'm waiting for you to finish your sentence, Ricky. What was it? What did it start with? I don't remember.

I just know you said something and then you stopped talking. And then we've been sitting in silence for, I'd say, 12 minutes. I'm right out of her. Don't remember. I don't remember. I think I have a body stone. Julian. What?

Body stone. Big time. Pretty happy though. Foam injected saddle pad. Why don't you bring your big sexual muscles over here so we can get this thing started? This game is fucked. It's like asteroids whoa It's kind of fun man, I'm gonna do my super high stretching You know I like to stretch

Fuck super high Ricky when I get... Fuck! Cobra high, Ricky. Let's go, we gotta start the park after dark. Welcome. Get us started. Welcome to the park after the dark. Welcome to the park after the dark. Today, when the dark went away, it showed us that we have a lot of rain today.

It's a lot of rain today. Well, I knew that when it was still dark out there. You could hear it raining. Couldn't see it though. Do you need to see something to know it's real? I can't feel my fucking hands, man. If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody see it? If they're standing there, they do.

What you reading, Rick? Trying to read up on horses. Should take up yoga or something. I might have to chew some peppercorns, Neil Young style. Chew some peppercorns, why, are you too buzzed? Neil Young said if you get too high, you just chew a few peppercorns. Levels your radar.

So work. Gary's. Do you have any peppercorns? American hats. Who? Gary's American hats. I might get a cowboy hat. You should, man.

I've got a cowboy hat. I'd fucking love to rock around with a cowboy hat. What's the rules with drinking and driving on a horse? You're good, right? It's not a motorized vehicle. I think you're allowed to drive on a horse drunk, aren't you? Hmm. Is the person drunk or the horse? More importantly, stoned.

Who's drunk, the horse or the person? Or both? Well, at least the person. Maybe both. Would you get on a drunk horse? Oh, here it is. OK. I'd get on a drunk horse, man. That's a. Okay. I'd get on a drunk horse, man.

That's a good band name. If I was drunk. Oh, man, this is part two. That's a good band name, drunk horse. I need part one. What? This is only part two. Of what?

Where are we? Teaching tricks to your horse. You don't have a horse, Ricky. No, I know. I'm getting one. You're not getting a fucking horse. Get a horse, man. No, I know. I'm getting one. You're not getting a fucking horse. Get a horse, man. No, you're not getting a horse.

Tromple my kitties. I'm going to get a horse and a cowboy hat. Tromple. Maybe even some boots. Did I say tromple? You said tromple. What's his name? Perfect.

Who? Tromple. Tromple the horse. He'll tromple you. Tromple. Cats are good, though, when it comes to horses. They've been living in barns, like, forever, man. Can't ride a horse, but, I mean, you can't ride a cat.

You can ride a big cat. If you want to. If you're a small person. When you mean, when you say ride, what do you mean? There's just a couple different ways of looking at that. What does your mother mean? Ride my mother. Well, that, Bubs. What did your mother mean? Ride my mother. Well, I don't know.

What? Ride your mother? Well, that's what you were saying. No, it wasn't. I didn't know horses could get worms. I would let you, though, Bubs. What are we talking about? I have no fucking idea. Did we start the show? Did we welcome the people?

No idea. Start it over. All right. Welcome. Perk After Dark, I'm your host, Luigi Villeneuve. In relation to Jacques. Luigi. I'm Italian-French, Luigi Villeneuve. And I'm Clifton... I'm lost here. I can't fucking... Clifton Cockman.

No, that's too easy. Clifton Cockman. The offshore rigger. You look like a rigger. Maybe Clifton Delugio. Clifton Delugio? Yeah. Do you have delusions? Cl Maybe Clifton Delugio. Clifton Delugio? Yeah. Do you have Delugio?

Clifton Francois Delugio. Oh, so you have some French in you, too. Who are you today, Ricky? Mika Tina. Mika Tina. All right, where are you from? Where are you from, Mika? I'm from an island that you've never heard of.

What's it called? Volcano. Volcano. Mika Dina from Volcano. You sound like an exotic lady. Very exotic lady. Mika Dina. Luigi Villeneuve.

Well, I'm not learning anything from this fucking thing. Francois Delugio. You know what? Between him flipping through this thing and you... Okay, I was trying to learn... I guess I don't need to learn how to teach my horse tricks until I get one first. Is that what you're trying to do?

Learn horse tricks? I wanted to learn everything about them before I get one. What are you reading? Western Horseman. Western Horseman. Where the fuck did you get that? That was in my shed. Well, how old is the fucking thing? Oh, it's old. I was looking through that years ago. 1977. I think you should, if not. That's when they wrote better books. If you're looking for a horse Or horse tricks I had that when I was trying to get a nice gentleman suit Remember I wanted a nice

1977 This cost a dollar way back then It must be good How much would that be That'd be at least $80 today Ricky you know it would be $80 man How many $80 Magaz. Ricky, you know it would be $80, man. How many $80 magazines have you ever seen?

The Horseman. The Western Horseman. I wonder if it still exists. Maybe. I bet it's not as good as that. What volume? Western Horseman. Let me see. The issue is that.

This is worth looking up, man. ICD 08885. No, not the ICD number. April 1977. Does it have a volume number on it? And is there an Eastern horseman? Cause that's where we are. We're out East.

Some more horses out West, man. The old East. You don't hear about the old East much. It's the old West. Yeah, that's true. Maybe there wasn't The old East. You don't hear about the old East much. It's the old West. Yeah, that's true. Maybe there wasn't an old East. Volume 42, number four. Oh, wow. That's probably worth a lot of money. I bet you it's worth nothing. You get that at Value Village for nothing, probably. It's probably still worth a dollar to buy that, so it held its value. Horseman.

I do like the old ads, so look at that guy. He's fucking rocking on his horse. Yeah, he's not fucking around. No, he's not. Think he's drunk? No, man. He's not drunk. He's probably all jacked up in something, though.

Well, 1977, what would he be on? He'd be on the nose beers, would he? He'd be on the nose beers. All right, I'm back. Holy fuck, you know what? Where did you go? I was in a weird zone there for a bit, but I'm back. That's still around, boys.

I'm ready to get high again. Ricky, what do you mean? You know what? We need to get into fucking breeding pigeons, boys. I'm ready to get high again. Ricky, what do you mean? You know what? We need to get into fucking breeding pigeons, boys. Racing pigeons. No shit, man. There's a lot of money in pigeons. It's crazy.

Racing pigeons are fucking... It's a huge thing now in China. Racing pigeons? Yep. Homing pigeons. Racing them. Big bucks. Like what kind of big bucks?

A fucking Belgian racing pigeon called New Kim. 1.5 million, right? 1.4 million pounds. Pounds. He won? No, that's what he sold for. Sold him, man. A fucking pigeon.

In real money or pigeon money? No, real fucking money. The family that owned him, very happy. Very surprised. I bet they were. So there was these two chinese they didn't love their pigeon very much two chinese guys trying to bid each other one was called super duper and the other guy's called hitman i wouldn't want to be bidding against hitman but no anyway those were their their racing names their bidding names super duper won the fucking thing and he bought

another pigeon armandoando, last year for like 1.2 million. Now he's going to get those two pigeons to fuck, and then he's going to have like 20 million dollars worth of pigeons. It's an easy fucking formula. Ricky, they're obviously very skilled.

No, man. The bidding fucking opened at 200 pounds. But you can't just go grab a pigeon down at McDonald's and fucking sell them expecting them to be a big racing pigeon. No, but if we get some pigeon eggs and raise some pigeons from birth, they think they're racing pigeons right away and start exercising them and fucking... It has something to do with their luck, though, as well, doesn't it?

Oh, does it? Yeah, I think they're like... Rick, show me how you would exercise a racing pigeon. You would have to have some machine, like a sewing machine, that would go up and down with his wings. He's just turning it up faster and faster. So you force him to flap his wings. Build up those wing muscles.

But maybe you don't want big wing muscles. That's true. Maybe you want more like Bruce Lee sinewy, small muscles. Yeah. Because, I mean, look at him. Picture him as a bird. You think he could go fast? No, he'd be too heavy.

He'd just go around bitch slapping other pigeons. Yeah, I'd just be hanging out with him. Back winging them. I don't know. See, you never know. If he was going to dive, the muscle weight would help you dive faster. No, man. They were talking about it.

You might be able to just go one fucking swoop of the wing 10,000 feet in the air. I doubt it, man. One fly. I think that $1.5 million fucking pigeon, he's got good cardio and shit, man. Like, he's like a... Cardio factors into it, does it? I think so, man. And probably good GPS.

It's a racer. Cardio factors into it, does it? I think so, man. And probably good GPS. It's a racer. How does a homing pigeon know it at home? I don't even know what a homing pigeon is. What are you talking about? They go from point A to point B and know how to get there. Well, they probably have little... Is it the... Probably have PPS.

Is it magnetic force or some shit? PPS. What's that? Pigeon positioning system. Well, they do, man. It's all in their little pigeon brains. Anyway, I think, I don't know, that's a lot of money for a fucking pigeon.

If these Chinese people that are buying them, they're so far away, like, they wouldn't even know it wasn't real. We just put it on eBay. Just sent them a regular fucking pigeon on ice. Well, you never know. On ice? Just wait now.

We don't want to do that, man. So, dead? No. Just momentarily frozen. Like, hand solo shit. He's got to get the long trip and not die. What is that called? Diogenics or something? There you go.

No, that's called death by ice cubes. Yeah, man. You can't freeze a pigeon. You can freeze a frog. You can't freeze anything, Ricky. A scorpion. Reanimate it once it gets to China. Frogs. You can freeze a scorpion, man. And there's some turtles, I think.

Oh, I mean, he can't do it. It's not going to live. No, you take it to the vet and they do all that shit for you. They fill it full of some kind of gas. They're not going to fucking pump gas into a pigeon. That's not how it works.

Pump gas into a pigeon? You mean gasoline? No, no. It's like... Vapor. Like propane. No, it's like helium or something. So take the pigeon. So we go to McDonald's. Let me just recap. We find a pigeon. We train him with a sewing machine to get his wing muscles built up. Then we bring them to the vet. They pump them full of helium. We pack them on ice, put them on eBay, send them to China, and we make a million bucks. Sounds pretty easy.

It sounds easy. It sounds fucked, Ricky. But I am totally into fucking maybe going to McDonald's and getting some pigeons. And trying it. All right. Well, why not fucking try it? That's the thing. Our pigeons could be superior to the ones in China.

Well, first of all, you should go somewhere better than McDonald's because they're probably eating french fries all day. In front of a salad bar. A health food store. Yeah. We want to go somewhere in the country where they have to fly a long distance to get food. The country. Because those things are going to be in better shape. Instead of the lazy fucking McDonald's pigeons.

Yeah, you're right, man. They don't have to work for anything in their life. Just walk around and eat shit. They've got to fight for it, though, man. Think about it. City pigeons. Well, are we trying to train a fighting pigeon or a speed pigeon? Speed.

Well, then you don't want a McDonald's pigeon. Nope. Too fat. Too fucking lazy. Or dolphins. Get into training dolphins. I guess that's a big thing now. Military in North Korea is training dolphins

to clear mines and attack frogmen and Navy SEALs. Oh, that's nice. That's great. I bet you that's very humane training they're receiving. What's a frogman? Is that like a navy seal but just a different country? A frogman? Or is it actually like a half frog, half man?

No, man. Navy frogman. Is it those people born with webbed hands and webbed feet? Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Navy frog man. No, man, it's just a military dude that fucking is in the water, I think. You know?

Goes under the boats and checks out to see if there's any bombs or stuff under there. You know what? I actually don't fucking know, but I think that's what it is. What? Sounds like you might be attracted to... No, frog man. Oh. You might be attracted to... The dolphins? No, the frogmen.

Oh. You might be attracted to a frogman, are you? I'm not attracted to one. I thought it was the same as a Navy SEAL, just a different country. Navy SEAL, Navy Frogs? Navy SEAL... See, a Navy SEAL's not... It's not a great tough name. But they're not part SEAL, Ricky. They're human.

I know, but why are they called SEALs? Instead of, like, sharks or something tough? Well, because they're... Navy sharks Ricky. They're human. I know, but why are they called seals? Instead of like sharks or something tough? Well, because they're... Navy sharks. That does sound better. No, you don't want to be... No, seal stands for something, I think, doesn't it? I don't know. Google it. Put it into your word box. What does seal stand for?

It would suck if you were a dog. Self-educated aqua legion. The self-educated aqua legion. No, I like it. No, that's not it for sure. What would SEAL stand for in that regard? We're going to find out. Super.

Probably super something. Stealthy. Stealthy? Stealthy? No, man. Skinny? I don't know. It could be. I've never seen a fat Navy SEAL.

Skinny Elite Aqua. Skinny Elite Aqua League. For fuck's sakes, boys. Skinny Elite Aqua League. No, man. It stands for Sea, Air, air and land where's the e three theaters of commandos operations that makes sense what's the e i like skinny elite aqua league so they're Navy Sols. Yeah, there's Navy Sols, actually. Fuck.

That's fucked up. Sea, air, and land. Yeah. I like the skinny elite Aqua League. That's who I would join if I was skinny. Did you hear about that woman? We could be doing this, too. The woman down in the States gets free meals all the time. She poses as an FBI agent.

They give her free meals. She went in Chick-fil-A, and they're like, fuck you. You're not an FBI agent. Show me some credentials. I don't have Chick-fil-A and they're like, fuck you, you're not an FBI agent. Show me some credentials. I don't have them with me. And she was talking into her sleeve. Yeah, they're not

believing me here. I have some mutants in here. And it worked. She got arrested. And she was still claiming to be an FBI agent talking into her shoulders and taking her away

saying, yeah, come down to the such and such police station and get me. Awesome. I'm a fucking lunatic. Is there anybody to show up? She's not FBI.

Oh, she's not. That's what we need. We need to fucking find somebody that's fucked up like that and get drunk with them. Okay, wrecking Julian. Do that all night with them. Wrecking Julian are on to me in here. How's it going, FBI? I'll take Big Mac combo there.

Extra supersize. For free, please. You guys want anything back at the office? You want anything out there in the... No, I guess just the Big Mac Combo. You want anything out there in the unmarked car? Out on Hollywood Boulevard? It's pretty ballsy.

That is ballsy. Oh, crazy. I mean, I've gone back. We've done scams where you go to a drive-thru and say, yeah, I was just through here and you guys forgot my fucking large fries. Yeah. And they give you fries and you go to another drive-thru and say, yeah, you guys forgot one of my cheeseburgers.

Yeah. And they give you a cheeseburger. Next thing you know, you've got a full fucking meal. Yeah, but if you push your luck too much, they spit on your food. I know that for a fact. Why? Did you eat spit? No, but what's his name?

You know, fucking Dougal. What was his name? Tonky? No, was that Tonky? Dougal wasn't Tonky, was he? I don't know if that's the same person. Darren Dougal. Darren Dougal.

You know Darren Dougal? same person. Darren Doogle. Darren Doogle. You know Darren Doogle? He worked at fucking McDonald's and when people, he knew that scam and when people would try it, he'd go, oh yeah, no, I did. You're right, I forgot your fucking Big Mac. And then he'd go and he'd fucking hork Big Loogie on it. Give it to them.

That's gross, man. All right, I don't think twice before I start doing that scam again. I don't think they're all doing, they're not doing that, man. Maybe. He also used to melt those plastic straws into the fucking french fry fat. He used to melt them in there on acid.

That probably wouldn't give a great flavor. And then he got a job at Ben's and he shit in the fucking bread maker when they fucking fired him. He shit in the bread maker when they fired him. He said, fuck you guys. Fuck. Fuck you guys. Fuck everybody. Fuck everybody.

Yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah, he's in jail now. Did you see that fucking, that heron flying with the snake hanging out of the fucking thing? I did see that. Did you see that? No, I didn't see that. This heron ate a snake eel,

and the cocksucker either bit through or cut through the heron's stomach. No, he cut through his stomach with his pointy tail. They're known for that. And he's hanging out, fucking looking around. The heron didn't even seem to give a fuck. Yeah, it's true. There's video of it. The heron fucking ate him whole, one bite,

and then he's flying away. And the fucking thing goes, boink, pops out through his ribcage. So it was about, probably it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're up too high here. Yeah, I'm hanging here for a while. Or I jump, or I might fucking die, or he's enjoying the ride. He put the J hook in the tail and just was hanging there? Is that what he was doing? Pretty much.

He was hanging there until they got back to the ground. So I don't know how it ended. Did he eat him again? They got married. Really? Yeah. What a nice story. Once they landed, they had a chat when they were in the air.

Disney's going to make a movie about that. Yeah. Imagine their fucking kids, the flying snakes. Fucking vicious. Jesus. Well, the thing would have came out, and then the fucking poor bird would have just bled out. No, it didn't even seem to be bleeding.

It seemed okay, but... Because it was hanging out of his stomach. Because now every time he eats something, it's just going to fall out. So he will die. He's definitely going to die. He's got a big hole in him now. He's going to have to get that patched up. He'd be fucked if he didn't realize, and he kept eating the snake, and the snake kept coming.

He's like, what the fuck is going on here? I know I'm eating you. I've eaten 40 snakes today and I'm still not full. I'm fucking hungry. That would be a terrible disease to have a big hole in your stomach. Everything would just fly right out of you. You said you're doing cocaine now? No, I didn't, Ricky.

I was teasing you. I was teasing you. What, bubs? I was teasing you. I was going to say you should stock up because they fucking just had a shit ton of it busted in the British Virgin Islands. Really? How much? 2,353 kilos. Whoa. Jesus. That's a lot.

$250 million, they say it's worth. I'm not sure where they're getting those numbers. That seems a little high to me. 200, how many kilos? We'll do the math. Let's just say 2,500 for easy math. 2,500 kilos. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I'm lost now. How much is a kilo of the fucking white dirty? Don't know, man. How much is it? Remember when Leahy and Randy got on that stock? Sounds like they're saying it's 100 grand a kilo. Would it be?

100 grand a kilo. No, man. Seems a little high. I remember when Leahy was buying it, he said it was 80 bucks a gram. How much would that be a kilo? I'll say 100 bucks a gram, how much would that be a kilo? I'll say a hundred bucks a gram. A thousand grams, guys. Yeah.

A hundred thousand dollars. I'm still amazed that you can do math when you're talking about grams. Just when it comes to drugs. I know, but why can't you just apply that to every... If somebody could write a book that would describe other math as drugs, boom. But it's all the same, Ricky. This guy would be a math scientist. It's all math.

That's what I mean. You should be able to. You can't do math unless it's got grams or kilos attached to it. Or pictures of weed. It's easy then. I don't know if I cut a kilo in half. You cut a half a kilo. I know, but if I told you a in half. You got a half a kilo. I know,

but if I told you a thousand divided by two, you wouldn't have a fucking clue. It's the same thing. Well, one of these days I'll write a book

explaining that to people like me. Right, can you imagine that? He can't do a thousand divided by two, but he can do half a kilo.

How many pages do you plan on, you know, writing in your book? It's going to have to be a lot because there's a lot of math out there. Like so what, like 100? There's a lot of math out there. Like it's just flowing around. Three pages? No, it'll be in the hundreds for sure. One equation per page.

You'd lose your fucking mind reading that. I would, Ricky, I think you should write a math book. Do it, man. Oh, they had another one called Apples and Oranges, so it's similar. Except this is Weed and Hash. Weed and Hash Math. Weed and Hash Math.

It would be a bestseller. Fucking writes it with. Start writing it. We'll get that out there, bud. I feel like having an apple all of a sudden. You guys? What? I don't have any apples.

A nap. Nap. Oh. I would eat an apple. I'd eat an apple, too. Let's go to the Apple Store. I'd fucking love to have an apple right now. The Apple Store doesn't sell apples, right?

They sell computers. What do you mean? The Apple Store. Yeah, in Halifax. You think't sell apples, Ricky. They sell computers. What do you mean? The Apple Store. Yeah, in Halifax. You think they sell apples? Well, I hope so. What the fuck else would you sell if you called the Apple Store? Oh, my Jesus, man.

Ricky. Jesus Christ. So they open a store, they call it the Apple Store, and they don't sell apples. Okay. That's fucking smart, whoever named that store. Steve Jobs, probably. There's another dumb name. What does he do?

Just does a bunch of jobs? Hey, nickname me Steve Jobs, I got fucking a thousand jobs. You create it for a lot of them. Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs. I got fucking a thousand jobs. You create it for a lot of them. Steve Jobs. Steve Apple. The Apple store sells these. Ricky, see this? See the Apple?

Yeah. That's it. On that stolen computer. You get these at the store. I thought you just bought those online. Phones and fucking... You get those at the computer store. The Apple store. They should change that. Or

in the 60s, the Apple store would have been belonging to the Beatles. It is confusing. They should sell computers and apples at least. They should sell fucking apples. They should sell apples there. They make a lot of extra money they're not even thinking about. Oh, yes. Best apples in the world.

What did we sell today mildred hand grown we sold 47 ipads 32 imax and 67 pounds of galas galas honey crisps honey crisps that's a good apple yeah yeah i like Yeah, that little Honeycrisp. Honeycrisp cider. Expensive cocksuckers, though. Oh, yeah. I might go to the store, get myself a fucking apple. Big, dirty apple. You guys heard of PEI, right?

No, man. Yes, Ricky. Break that bird on. Just try to fucking wake up here, man. They put in these new intersections, I guess. It's called a displaced left turn lane. And they're so fucked up that they had to post, the government, 11 different videos on how to use the fucking things.

What is it? What? You know how you got two lanes, right? And say you got this grass in the middle. Yeah. Well, it's a lane, if you're going this way, that cuts right at swath into here. And there's a light over here. That's not good.

So you got to wait for this guy to turn green, and then you cross traffic. It's a fucked up design. Sounds like a fucking head-on collision waiting to happen. So, yeah, you put something in that nobody can use, and you got to then make 11 videos on how to use the fucking things. It's got to be a better way. What did they do before that?

You had an off-ramp this way and then an overpass, right? Or just a simple fucking left turn lane. I don't know what the advantage is. It's weird. So this is like a 45-degreer? Yeah. I don't do fucking the advantage is. It's weird. So this is like a 45 degree-er? Yep. I don't do fucking anything at 45 degrees. It's too confusing.

Straight or 90. Well... It's all you need. Unless your partner was sitting in a chair. What? Oh, I thought you were talking about sex. No, Ricky. You bang at 45 degrees?

You can if they're in a chair. And you have to get down on that angle as well. Or in a car seat. Front seat recline in a car. 45 degrees. Magic. All right, 45 degrees is the magic angle. Magic angle. I'm getting the fuck out of here.

I'm going to go get some fucking apples. You guys can come with me if you want. Are you going seriously to get apples? I'm going to get some apples, man. Do you have enough to buy honey crisps? To buy? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not going stealing apples, for fuck's sakes.

This is a weird question. It'll cost you a dollar, because that's my gas money. So you're going to go steal apples? Yes. From the store or off the trees? Tree. Whatever, man. It doesn't matter.

How fucking hard is it going to be to steal an apple? I never really thought about that expression. Why? Do you want to come with me? It's a weird question. Ricky. Do you want to come with me, man? No, I do not.

I will come on my own. That's good. Buffs, do you want to come with me, man? No, I do not. I will come on my own. That's good. Bubs, do you want to come with me? No, thank you. All right. Do you want an apple? Not now. Okay.

Do you want an apple? Yeah, I'll take an apple. Okay. You don't know what it's going to be covered in. Bubs, I'm not going to go. What, am I going to go get some apples and jack off on them or something? Come on. You're coming somewhere, of course.

I'm just going to the fucking store. Jesus Christ. Fuck off. That was a weird... That was a weird one. Yeah. Weird one.