Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 28 - Hello? Hello? Hello? F**K!!!

Episode Date: February 11, 2016

Ricky reveals why he's got a six-foot-long snake in his pants, Julian attempts to phone some TPB fans, and Bubbles tries to get a date on Tinder!   Episode 28 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products!    

Are you done playing with your fucking phone, Bubs? I'm not. I'm just playing a game. All right. Trailer Purp Boys podcast coming at you. It is episode 27? 28. 28. Fuck, I wish you'd get it together if you're going to be leading the charge here.

I'm a little fucked up right now, man. Hopefully this shit's not going to come aboard me any more than it has. What the fuck? Stuff that we smoked. Is it strong? I just smoked it. I don't know. I just fucked up. I knew for sure it was 28, but I said 27. Well, I just that we smoked. Is it strong? I just smoked it. I don't know. I just fucked up. I knew for sure it was 28, but I said 27. Well, I just... I smoked two.

Let's just get this going. Ricky! He's asleep. He's... he's... Oh, my God. Ricky! No, don't wake him. Ricky, for people that can't see this,

Ricky has fallen asleep standing up at the sink doing the dishes. We got to wake him up. Okay, wake him up. Here, let's fuck with him. Put some peanuts down his pants. Put some peanuts down his pants. No, man, I don't want to. No, just pull them open.

I'll put them down. You pull it out. I'm not fucking pulling it out. Right down his underwear, man. They're tight, though. Now when he sits down, they'll crunch. And he won't know what happened. That was good, man.

What else can we do to him? Well, here, look. See his vape? See his vapor paint? We're not putting it up his ass. No. I wasn't gonna put it up his ass. You put it under your armpit?

Are you serious? You just wiped it off? That's gross. Puffs down the crack. Come on. Should I just do it, man? It was never cold. I'm not touching it, man. Jesus Christ. Okay, that's a fucking dirty trick.

I don't know if I can do this or not. Yes, we can. All right, let's get Ricky. We're underway here. Just don't wake him up. Unless you want to fuck with him more. Well, I do. Kind of, but what can we do? Really? Let's get Ricky. We're underway here. Just don't wake him up. Unless you want to fuck with him more. Well, I do.

Kind of. What can we do? Really? I don't fucking know. Ricky! Rick. Man. What are you doing?

Ricky. Boys, I can't see. What the fuck is this thing in your face, man? Holy shit. You're fucked. You look like a silver peacock. Ricky in a silver peacock. You got tongs down your shirt, man. Barbecue sauce all over them.

You fucking kidding me? What the fuck happened, boys? Here, sit down, Ricky. Oh, look, there's your vape pen. Oh, yeah, okay, it's time. Jocasa, we gotta do this, guys. Contracts and shit, you know? At the fridge, everybody.

Point, look over. Point at the fridge. Jocasa. All right, check it out. It's good shit. Best vape-o-fapo fucking rigs on the planet. Thanks for fucking with me. What do you mean? A fucking guy passes out and you're all, let's fucking do shit to him, eh? I didn't put that fucking thing on your hand.

What the fuck is this shit? Ricky, I didn't do that. You did that. You thought your hand was cut. And you said you were going to bandage it up, and then you did that, and then it was leaking, so you put it in there. But you don't even have a cut on your hand.

That's the weird part. What the fuck is going on here, boys? Ricky, do this. Just get comfortable in your seat. Get comfortable. Boys, what the fuck have you got done to me here? God damn it. What's all this shit?

All right, that's not fucking fun. Okay, Ricky. Okay, listen. I'm going to come clean. We did do one thing. Why is it so cold? Ricky, don't be digging down there, man. Listen, I'm going to come clean. We did do one thing. What is so cold? Jesus Christ. Ricky, don't be digging down there, man.

Ricky. What do you have four in the cob down your pants for? Was that down the underwear, too? I don't know what this definitely is. You just said, don't fuck bubs. What is this fucking... Jesus Christ. Okay.

That's not funny, bubs. Okay, Ricky's pulling a fucking six-foot rubber snake out of his pants. Fuck! Ricky! Okay, listen, I just want to tell you something. Okay? You passed out at the sink. Here, I'm not touching it.

You passed out at the sink, and I thought it would be funny to fuck with you. So we put some peanuts in your underwear, I'll be honest. Oh, for fuck's sake. Get the fuck out. That was down his pants. Just get it off the table, man. Ricky, I put some peanuts in your underwear, but all this other stuff, like the snake and the dinosaur... Why'd you put the peanuts back in the bowl? They're still in the shell.

You're a fucking gross man. Ricky. The shell fucking... You're not the cleanest fucking person on Earth, all right? Okay, so let's get to the bottom of this. So, I thought we were going to fuck with you and just put some peanuts down your underwear. Fuck.

When, in fact, you already had a six-foot rubber snake in your pants. That you're not touching? Well, I don't think it was in them. I think it was just... It's a good flavor, whatever that one is. How's it tasting, Ricky? Fucking... It's definitely got a strong flavor to it.

Nice. What flavor is it? I don't know, I've never had this one before. Lick your lips, man. I'm gonna try the other type. I heard that helps the smoke come up better if you lick the lips, moisten them up. And just like that, take another huff.

Chacasa. That tastes weird, too. That's shitty. It is shitty. Fuck, boys. I thought the podcast was tomorrow, Saturday, this week. Nope, she's today, Ricky. She's counting them right now.

Fucking wheels came off last night. Do you remember why you have corn down your pants? No. At all? Where did the corn come from? Yeah, I've never seen it. Is that, look at that pre-cooked corn. Pack of corn.

What? What are you talking about? It's already cooked. I think. Where's this shit from, man? Where do you buy corn, three packets of weed? Apparently it grows in my pants. Oh, yeah, that was in your fucking pants.

Jesus Christ, man. Okay, let's... Who do we have on today, bubs? We have nobody on today. We're gonna make some phone calls, I believe. Yeah, we're gonna call some people. Huh? We're gonna call them. We're gonna have, phone calls, I believe. Yeah, we're gonna call some people. Huh? We're gonna call them.

We're gonna have, like, phone guests. There's people that, you know, send in their things, and we pick some, and we're gonna call them, talk to them. See if they have a question for us. This is a brand new segment today. Line one. What the fuck is this, Bubbs? Oh, line of use.

Line two. That? That? Try it, Ricky.. Line two. That? Hmm. That? Try it, Ricky. It's ginger ale and scotch. Oh. You can't really mix scotch with anything.

Well, it's ginger scotch. Ginger scotch is a lovely drink. Oh. What are we calling, Julian? Pug. Pug? Yeah, this guy fucking... Crazy guy, Pug?

Yeah, the guy that does, you know... Jumps the... Jumps and shit. Oh, that guy this guy fucking... Crazy guy? Yeah, the guy that does, you know, jumps and shit. Oh, that guy. I fucking love that guy. Making rigs. Come on, Pug. Oh, God. Hello? Hey, Pug?

Can you hear me? Yeah, man. Is this Pug? Yo. Yo. Yo. What's happening? Hey, man, what's going on? It's Julian.

Got Bubbles and Ricky here. Hello? Hey, what's going on there, Pug? What are you saying? Pug? Hello? Baked out of his mind. Can you hear me?

Yeah, man. Yes, we can fucking hear you. Can you hear us? Pug! Hello? Baked out of his mind. Can you hear me? Yeah, man. Yes, we can fucking hear you. Can you hear us? Pug! There you... My fucking cocksuckers. Can you hear me better now? Hey, man.

We can hear you just fucking fine. Can you hear us at all? Yeah, I can hear you now. All right, all right. There we go. Julian had the phone all fucked up. I had her on to the phone. Had the muter on her.

Fuck's sakes. Sorry, man. How's things going, brother? Oh, not too bad, not too bad. We got drywalls in Inwood, boys. You drywalling today, are you? Well, we finished it up the other day. We got a guy here mudding right now. Still not sure if we got to kick the shit out of him or not.

Fuck. Who's there with you? Well, the mudneck, the old lady and your dirty old Josh, where it's BBD.

How you doing? What's going on, guys? Where's Buddy Van Doodle? Well, that's Josh with DVR, BBD, Buddy Van Doodle.

Okay. Sorry, man. We're a little fucked up right now. You crazy cocksuckers? You crazy cocksuckers been jumping on anything? Okay. Sorry, man. We're a little fucked up right now. You crazy cocksuckers been jumping on anything? What was that? You crazy cocksuckers been jumping on any of your little buggies lately?

Well, we're planning something here shortly because we had two weeks of drywall and videos, so we got to get some of the subscribers back, eh? Right on. Right on. Lost like 200,000 subscribers over the last two weeks. Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck, man. Yeah. All right, we're going to get that up, man.

Because you were drywalling. Yeah, they don't like that guy too much. No, that shit's not as exciting as, you know, jumping a buggy almost killing yourself. No, not very much. No. No, it's like. No. No? It's like watching flies fuck.

It's involving airbags and unsuspecting fucking participants. It's going to be pretty awesome. Decent. Mm. Right on, man. Yeah. Okay, well, we just wanted to say fucking hi, man. See what's going on.

How you doing? Have you ever passed out and your friends will fuck with you? When you get fucking wasted and banged up and you pass out, do your friends fuck with you? Because my friends fucked with me last night. I woke up with a six-foot snake in my pants and a bunch of other shit. No, we got a rule, eh? It's like, I've got a big, like, I like sleep, right? So it's like, I don't fuck with people when they're sleeping and then they don't fuck with me and we got a rule, eh? It's like, I'm not a big... I like sleep, right?

So it's like, I don't fuck with people when they're sleeping and they don't fuck with me and we got this thing. But if you're awake, it's fair game. See, that's a good rule, dickheads. That's what we should fucking... Ricky, I'm telling you, the only fucking thing we did was put some peanuts in your pants. I don't know how the snake got in there and I don't know how the fucking other thing got taped your...

I don't know how any of it happened. I did the peanuts, and that was it. Oh, I wish we had a hidden mystery camera. We'd fucking get to the bottom of things pretty quick. I'd like to see that footage.

Your mother's got a mystery hidden camera. Get it? I get it, man. Right on, man. So, yeah, is there anything else you want to talk about,

or... We're, uh... You coming in with? Right on, man. So, yeah, is there anything else you want to talk about? We're coming to Inwood. We should fucking come to Inwood. I'd blast the shit out of some of those things over ramps. You could get on the hash. Fuck yeah, man. Damn right, man. On the way to somewhere you're going already, probably.

I might get to the center. Is it anywhere near Studbury? Uh, not terribly. Toronto. It's a little closer to London. Closer to London. Oh, yeah? Just up the power lines, isn't it? Oh, fuck.

From Sarnia. Close to, between Sarnia and London. Oh, yeah. We could maybe get there. That'd be fucking cool, man. All right, well, let's get on to the... All right, yeah. We could maybe get there. That'd be fucking cool, man. All right, well, let's get on to the... All right, guys. We're taking off.

We're going to call a few more people here and check on them. Testing out our phones. See you now. She's working. This is a new thing for us, man. Right on. We'll follow the hash brick road and we'll talk to you boys later. Keep kicking some fucking ass.

Yeah, man. Next one's pretty good. Awesome, man. Cool, man. Keep kicking some fucking ass. Yeah, man. Burn it. Next one's pretty good. Awesome, man. Cool, man. Keep fucking killing it. Live in two weeks. Right on, brother.

Okay, cheers, you guys. Take it easy. Stovepipe. Did you say stovepipe? Stovepipe, he said. He was fucking baked out of his mind. Ricky, you got to go over and talk into your microphone there, bud. All right, we're going to go on to someone else here. Who's up next?

Who's man? Man, uh. Henry Finkel. Who's man, how do you say these again? Man, Man, Man, Imo? Fuck you doing, bubs? What are you doing, man? Just playing candy.

Candy games. How come it kept going like this? What are you doing there now? What was that picture? We're going to make this one a little quicker, right? That was a picture of a chick. Let me see here. Nothing.

It was not. What are you doing? Nothing. Playing candy games. It's a chick. There was a picture of are you doing? Nothing. Playing candy games with the chick? There was a picture of a chick and he went... No. Hello? Hey, what the fuck?

Is this Henry? Hello? Henry Finkelhoff. You got the fuck off. Jesus. Hello? Hello? Hey, hello?

Who's this? This is Julian, man. It's the Trailer Park Boys here. Who's this? Who's this? This is Julian, man. It's the Trailer Park Boys here. Who's this? Who's this? This is James. James? Man, what the fuck is going on here?

What the fuck's going on, James? The fuck? I was having my fucking breakfast. I'm about to go work out. I don't know what you dicks are calling me for. Are you serious? Yeah, what the fuck's happening here? Do you know a guy named Henry Finkel?

We don't know. We don't, man. We don't know you. We don't know anybody. We thought you guys had the honey oil. Oh, no, man. I'm sorry. I just got, I got, I got like an ounce of some, like, mids, some swag if you want it. That's all I got. Sorry, boys.

Swag. All right, well. Okay, man. All right, we might talk to you later then. We fucked up, obviously. We fucked up. Okay, man, take it easy. Have a good workout. Well, just wait now.

Does he have a question for us? Do you got a question for the trailer perp, boys? I have a question for us? Do you got a question for the trailer perp, boys? What's the most cheeseburgers you've seen Randy eat in a day? Good question. Very good question. I know for a fact how many I've seen him eat. 14. More than that.

Way more than 14. 31. Shut up. 31, June 16, 2004. 31 buns or 31 patties? 31 full fucking cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers. Quarter pounders.

In one day. All right, James, thanks for the question, man. You take her easy, bud. Why do I keep drinking that? It's horrible. Cheers. That was a huge fuck-up. What happened there?

Don't know. Don't care. Did we, do we have any bacon last night? Or where do these fucking things come from? You bought know. Don't care. Did we... Do we remember you baking last night? Or where did these fucking things come from? You bought that at the Irving. The man... the Mangina... Bar. The what?

Mangina and Benign No Jouro. What is this called? Nanaimo, Ricky. Well, it's fucking delicious, isn't it? Mangina Bar? You stole this from the Irving. Fuck. I was gonna say, I didn't think we baked it. If we did bake it, why did we wrap it so beautifully?

No, it's good. Holy fuck, is that ever good. Is it? Wait a sec. Is there hash? Did you do something to that? I don't know, I could've. You did, because I'm more fucked

than I should be right now. There's not hash in that, is there? I ate one and I'm fucked. Smell it. You smell gas? Hi, you've reached Connor. I can't come to the phone right now. Oh, let's leave a message. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks.

Connor, you told us to phone you. What the fuck? Hi, my name's Connor. I'm stupid as fuck. Yeah, way to go, Connor. You just wasted our time and you wasted the people listening to this podcast time. So you can go fuck yourself, Connor. Have a good day, you prick. We're going to put up a graphic. Go fuck yourself, Connor.

Okay, fuck off. That was harsh. That wasn't, uh... It was wasting our time, man. This is a fucking terrible segment you've set up. Come on, fuck off, man. This is coming together. It's fucking delicious. Hey, next time we, this is coming together. It's fucking delicious.

Hey, next time we do this, we're going to have a screen. We're going to be able to talk to people. Okay. Put the picture up or something. You didn't put that up your ass or anything, did you? Why? This. No, why?

It's just delicious. I don't want it to be ruined later when you say, I had that up my ass. No, I definitely, I swear on everything, I was not anywhere near my agent. Alright, this is Jeff Gross. Tease him about his name, tease him about his name. Wow, you really fucking went above and beyond setting these up. Jeff Gross.

Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello. Jeff. Jeff Gross. Yes, it is. Right on.

This is Julian. He wants to ask you out on a date. I don't want to fucking ask him on a date, you asshole. All right. Okay. This is the trailer prep. Boys, you got Julian, Bubbles, and Ricky here. Ricky's not here.

It's Randy. It's Ricky. He's just being a dick. I had a feeling it was you guys. So, Julian, what's your deal with these guys named Jeff? How come it's always Jeff? It kind of makes me uncomfortable. Every time it's a cock joke, it's always Jeff. Jeff.

What's up, man? Are you fucked up, man? I've never fucking said Jeff. He is a big fan of Jeff's. I never put it together until right now. Jeff? You know, it always seems to be that name popping up. Yeah. Because I think Jeff's, most of them anyway that I've met in my life are dicks.

They're all dicks. Most Jeff's are dicks. No, he's saying you like them all. You must think that they're hot or... No, he's not. I don't understand. Just the way the name Jeff flows off your tongue. I've never mentioned the name Jeff with anything. If I'm using, like,

throwing someone's name over there as an example. When you get drinking, you start saying, oh, Jeff. Jeff. All right, well, Jeff, I'm fucking sorry, man.

I didn't mean to ruin your fucking day. No, no, man. It's all good. I figured, you know, I'd have to put that out there because I've heard it a couple times. Just wanted to... So are you the Jeff that he's talking about? Anything. All right, well, you know, I'd have to put that out there. I've heard it a couple times. Just wanted to... So are you the Jeff that he's talking about?

Anything. All right, well, you know what? I'll never mention the name Jeff ever again, okay? I bet you can't help yourself. I don't want to have to worry about, you know, you're a muscly guy. I don't want to have to worry about, you know... Okay, all right, okay. I don't have to worry about that.

Sounds like there's a mutual attraction going on here. It's not, okay. Definitely not, bub. And I'm not... Don't hang going on here. It's not, okay. Definitely not, bub. Don't hang up on Jeff. Let's just get to the bottom of it. Don't hang up on him just because you're attracted to him. I'm not attracted to Jeff, man, okay? This is getting ridiculous.

Hey, Jeff, do you... I had to do that to you, bud. Sorry. Jeff, do you have a question for us? That was the question. Yeah, actually, maybe. I was thinking about something the other day, and I was wondering if you were the swear net.

What's up with Lee? Is he doing all right? I mean, I know he got back from that journey he was on and haven't really heard much. That's a Lee guy. Yeah. I'm just swearing at him. He seems like he's a little more fucked up than before he left.

I remember Mike saying that he came back a different person, and that was like the last that heard, so I wondered whether that was like a... How the fuck would I know, Jeff? I don't know. You talk to the SwearNet guys every once in a while. Yeah, how we doing? He's done a lot of drugs in his day.

I don't know. We just... I don't know. I think part of him's still down there. Yeah, I think he's still down there. Nice. So do you have any idea when the new season we're going to be seeing it? Or have you guys figured that out? Or have they told you anything? I think it's sometime in March, man.

Coming out in late March, season 10. But I figured it's always March. It's always March. Well, you're just like fucking Matt Houston. This year it's later. Figure it out. This year it's later because it's a jump year. That's what I was thinking.

All right, man. Thanks, buddy. You take it easy. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Great talking to you guys. Have a good one. Thanks. Jeff's hurt dicks, man, most of them.

I'm not taking that back. All right, we got another one. Man, are we just going to fucking call people all day? I don't know, man. I got dicks for a while. Do you want me to or no? What about Jeff Goldblum? I don't have his number, man.

No, but do you think he's a dick because his name's Jeff? Yeah, he's probably a dick. Jeff Goldblum. Nah, he's probably not a dick. Bet you he's a cool guy. What about Jeff Bridges? That movie scared the fuck out of me. He's probably a dick. Jeff Bridges. Probably. Why? he's probably not a dick. Bet you he's a cool guy. What about Jeff Bridges? That movie scared the fuck out of me. He's probably a dick.

Jeff Bridges. Probably. Why? He's probably got dick days. I bet you he's not a dick. That's a good idea. We could make a whole game out of that. Dick or not dick.

Dick or not dick. What? Or... What do you mean by that? Friend or fuck off. That's a better one. Dick or not dick. Would you be friends with this person or would you tell him to fuck off? that? Friend or fuck off. That's a better one. Dick or not.

Could you be friends with this person or would you tell him to fuck off? Like, Jeff, fuck off. The Terminator. Okay, so look, we'll put the picture right up here. Yeah, okay. That movie scared the fuck out of me. Friend or fuck off.

Who is it? Terminator. The real one? Yep. What do you mean, the real one? What, are we talking about the person that plays him or the actual Terminator? Well, that's a good question.

The actual Terminator. If you could be friends with Terminator. Arnold, Arnold? No, Terminator. Terminator, the robot Terminator. No, I'm not gonna be friends with that fucking thing. He's not a friendly person. He wants to fucking cut your nuts off.

Then you tell him to fuck off. But does it make more sense to tell Terminator to fuck off, or do you try to be nice to the fucking guy? So you try to have a fake friendship so he doesn't kill you. Yes, that's what I'm saying. All right, I'll go with the fake friendship. I'd go with the fake friendship. I'd go with a fake friendship. Okay, next on this program we have...

Burt Reynolds. Burt Reynolds. Burt Reynolds! Where did that come from, man? Don't know. Attracted to him. I'm not attracted to Burt Reynolds. He's lost his mouth.

Would he be your friend, or would you tell him to fuck off? I'd be totally be friends with Burt Reynolds. Yeah. If he wanted to be friends with me. I wonder if he could drive as good as he can in the movies. Like smoking the bandit? He's like a fast cannonball run, smoking the cocksucker driver.

He can probably drive pretty good, Burt Reynolds. He's old now, though. He wouldn't be able to. I wonder would he let you take on. On what? Take Lonnie out on a date. You used to fucking... You used to love Lonnie Anderson. I still do love Lonnie Anderson.

Who doesn't? Well, I think you... He definitely must have did a lot of pounding. He's got a move named after him. Bubbles, why do you keep... What are you... What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing?

Nothing. So is the fucking phone. Cuff it up. Tinder. You're on Tinder. What the fuck is Tinder? You know what... Right.

Fuck this, Ricky. All these ladies. She's pretty cute. Look, you just go like that. What does that mean when you... I'm putting them over to the right, and that means let's get it going. What do you mean, let's get it going. What do you mean let's get it going?

It's a... it's like a... it's like a banging app basically. It's an app for doing it. Shut the fuck up. Right to the left. That means no. That means... She wasn't laughing at you. Oh yeah. What do you... so you're not going to bang all these women. Well, I'm not. You don't... you know, it doesn't mean officially that you're going to just because you do that, but you're trying to.

And I think that's what that song is. It's going down. I'm banging on Tinder. You better move. You better dance. That's what the song's about. I think that's what the words are. It's going down.

I'm banging on Tinder. Get it? Have you banged anyone from there yet? No, I... Okay, so it doesn't really work. I've only swiped 3,000 or 4,000 people so far. 3,000 or 4,000 people? Has anybody gotten back to you?

Do you have a picture up there? I put a picture of me up there, but nobody's got back to me yet. Not one person got back to you? Not yet, but I think somebody will eventually, you know. I'm just, if you do the math, eventually somebody's gonna say, hey, he looks pretty cool. How do you set one of those up?

You know, me and Lucy supposedly weren't doing very well and maybe I wanted to do some stuff like that. I can set you one up, Ricky. All right. I'll get you on Tinder. I like that idea. This way or that way? can set you one up, Ricky. All right. I'll get you on Tinder. I like that idea. This way or that way?

Eventually somebody's going to message me back. So what's the deal? You hook up with someone on Tinder, you take them, it's like a dating thing, you go on a date? Well, it depends on, you know. Can you just say, let's get it on? Apparently, that's what I've been saying. All right. Seems pretty easy. I think eventually somebody's going to get back to me on that thing.

Well, you know, one in 5,000, if we... I mean, eventually somebody probably will. Eventually, there'll be one. That's all I need. We did the 5,000. One's all you need. Did I mention Jocasta yet? Oh, my fuck.

Julian. Now I feel like I've got gotta take a rip off this again. Exactly. I had to blend it up a bit, man. Turn the thing. Tasty, but different today. Well, you did pass out in a fucking sink, man. You probably got all kinds of shit all over your face. There's something on here. Huh? Oh.

Hey, do you want to try some other flavors over here? Here's some, uh, chocolate kiss. Chocolate kiss. That's fitting. That's fitting. Chocolate kiss. Hey, hey, hey. Is there any fucking famous birthdays on February the 12th? Any fucking fun things to do, or should we just keep calling people?

You were mentioning that, Ricky. There are a couple of people here. Abe Lincoln. Abe Lincoln. It's his birthday. It would have been. Holy fuck. The real big one.

Abraham. Abraham, yes. Wow. Because the president... What other Abe Lincoln is there, Ricky? It's probably all guys. Abe's a pretty common name. Well, so is Abraham, but I mean, obviously, if he's bringing up Abe Lincoln, he's talking about fucking Abe Lincoln.

He's talking about the ham. Who? The ham. The ham? It's what the cool people call him. The ham? Yeah. Why? I don't know. Maybe he was the guy that gave him the name. Who? The ham. The ham? That's what the cool people call them.

The ham? Yeah. Why? I don't know. Maybe he was the guy that came up with the ham. What is the ham? What's the ham? Probably just

like a Virginia ham or... What? Like a ham that you'd fucking cook up. Abe Lincoln... Smoked ham. Abe Lincoln had nothing to do with ham. He wasn't called the ham.

He didn't come up with the ham. The ham. Holy fuck, Ricky. Well, it's cool it's his birthday. You think he invented ham? Just where does the nickname come from, the ham? He's the funny guy, hammy guy. Who said his nickname was The Ham?

I'm sure I fucking heard that. My dad, maybe, I don't know. Abe Lincoln was not nicknamed The Ham. One of my many professors. Well, you know what, also, when you think about him today, I bet if he was running for the... President. Yeah, so it's not a prime ministry down there.

If he was running today, I bet he would still win. Oh, if Abe Lincoln, he would beat the fucking hair off of Donald Trump. Abe Lincoln, if he could come back and run for president, just the fact that he was back from the dead, people would be like, holy fuck, vote for him. He can was back from the dead, people would be like, holy fuck. Vote for him. He can come back from the dead. Yeah, but if he came back and people really didn't know much about him,

you know what I mean? He'd just say, hey, I'm Abe Lincoln. Actually, yeah, my dad said he was a bit of a cocksucker. Who wouldn't know who Abe Lincoln is? Well, I'm just saying, okay, if we could do that, erase a bit of time, he came back. He's up against Trump with all his fucking billions of dollars

but is he a brand new guy Abe Lincoln or is he Abe Lincoln that was you know he's a brand new Abe Lincoln he's Abe Lincoln but he wasn't the president

before he's now coming he's here now he's running and he was just from this time yeah as long as he's all

no he wouldn't win because he'd show up with his big stovepipe hat and his fucking beard exactly they'd think he was a fucking freak. This guy's on bath salts. But even if you'd like to shave the fucking beard, put a suit on him, you know, make him look like he's normal.

I bet you could still pull it off. Okay. Well, I don't know, man. Trump is, you know, he's fucking reeling people in. I don't know much about that shit, but people are saying there's not a lot of good options for this time around. No, what I'm saying, though, is if Abe Lincoln, who was already the president, somehow could come back to life and run modern day, he would fucking beat everybody. Hands down, people would be like, oh, he fought Abe's back.

So you don't think, I mean, a lot of things have changed, Bob, since then. Doesn't matter, Abe. He's fucking, he's dealing with nuclear fucking weapons and shit. Yeah. All that crap. You could explain to him in about an hour what a nuclear weapon is. And then he'd say, all right, this is the plan, boys. This is what we're going to do.

All you'd need to say is, Abe, there's these big boom boom machines now that can, one of them can just decimate the world. Handle it. Handle it, the ham. The ham. Take another... You couldn't have another fucking... Hit off that rookie?

He wouldn't want to have a civil war with fucking nukes. That would be messy. See, I don't know, man. There's a lot of shit going on, bubs. I wish they could just let the... Oh, fuck, I always get them mixed up. Obama. I wish they'd let him run it or do it again.

He seemed like a good guy. Yeah, that's not going to happen, Ricky. That's the right name, right? There's Osama and there's Obama. It could be Donald Trump. Donald Trump could be the president. That's not real, though, right? That is real.

As fucked as that sounds, it is. And, you know, I think he's... I respect the guy because he's got a lot of money. Myself, I think he's doing a good job in business. Good entrepreneur. If he did fucking do it and want it, would he keep his plane or would he use the Air Force One? Because I think his plane is nicer than the Air Force One, isn't it?

Yeah, he'd have to use Air Force One. It's all decked out with the security measures and he can't launch nuclear missiles from his plane is nicer than Air Force One, isn't it? Yeah, he'd have to use Air Force One. It's all decked out with the security measures, and he can't launch nuclear missiles from his plane. He'd probably do some rannos on the fucking thing, though, I'd say. I bet you would. Air Force One would be decked out, man. He'd get a much bigger, swankier bed in there. Totally, man.

You know, because he considers himself a bit of a fuck machine. Probably a bigger TV. Yeah. A little esky lounge. Probably have a little barber shop in there where they deal with his hair on a daily basis.

Yeah. He does have fantastic hair. Do you think? No. Oh. I mean, sometimes if it gets to a storm it gets a little fucky,

but when it's done, nice. I don't know, Ricky. I think it looks fucked myself. But what do I know? I'm not a hairstylist. So if you had to vote, who would you vote for? Bill Clinton's ex? What?

Is she an ex? I don't know. Hillary Clinton? Yeah. No, they're still together. Even after the cigars and everything? What cigars? That went up in different places than other girls.

Oh, and Belle was shoving cigars into Monica Lewinsky? Yeah, I didn't know if they were still together or not after all that. No, they're together, man. That's pretty powerful they could work through all that. Yeah. That is powerful, Ricky. All right right let's wrap this up man I gotta go take a nap that shit's just fucking I just want to sleep I'm gonna finish my dishes bubs this is fucked if even one of these chicks gets back to you...

Holy fuck, I got one! I got a message! Bubs. Holy fuck. You should go give her a call, man. She wants to meet me. She's 22. Okay, boys, I gotta go.

I gotta go. Good luck, bud. That was a fucking dude. I guarantee go. Good luck, bud. That was a fucking dude. Guarantee you. Guarantee you, man. Yo, bud. I'm going to go get some food.