Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 29 - Christmas Balls

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

Lights, tinsel, balogny tits - Ricky, Julian and Bubbles are putting up the Christmas decorations! Just one little problem - they're high as f**k on pancake gummies...    

It looks like you fucking grabbed a hold of a cow's ass and ripped this fucking tree right out of it. What are you talking about, man? The branch has got to be old, man. Well, fucking do it then. Well, I'm doing it, but how is this possible? When was the last time you had a Christmas tree shut up a cow's ass? What are you talking about? Well, it looks a Christmas tree shut up a cow's ass? What are you talking about? Well, it looks like you found this in a cow's ass.

The branches, man. They're all fucked. I don't remember this guy. Yeah, we stole that when we were fucking coming back from a legion that night. Is it a girl or a guy? It's a snowman. She's got eyelashes. What?

Well, there's snowmen that have eyelashes nowadays, man. It's all fucking cool. What's that? It looks like he's got, like, a water bong in his hand. It should be. The stony snowman with the eyelashes. Didn't you try to fuck that thing? There's no hole.

No, you were trying to tug out the cord and you were going to stick it in the back. I don't know. You were fucked. This tree is fucked! What? What's up, pups? Look, I found him. I found the box I couldn't find.

Right on. Because this tree needs some serious fucking attention. That's going to do. Don't worry about it. I'm just saying. May I invite you to meet Veronica Snow? Who's that, Ricky? Were you banging that?

I told you. He tried to bang it, didn't he? He told us. No, you were ripping out the cord in the back. You tried to bang that many times. Look what I found, boys. I found the Captain Dan's. I love these.

Hey, thanks. You know Captain Dan had no legs. These are his legs. Who the fuck is Captain Dan, man? Does he know you have his legs? They're not his real legs, Ricky. He's not even a real guy. Where should we put them?

Oh, you know where we're putting them this year? Right here. No, no, no, no, no. That's Siskin Bubs. He's trapped in the freezer. He's frozen to death. We froze him to death. Here, give me those fucking... grab those things. Why? Grab it. Grab them.

No, I like them there. Look at that. You know how many times we're going to be in and out of this fridge, bubs? It's going to be... Open it. Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. That's even worse. Why?

That's where we're putting these fucking things. Right over here. But that doesn't make sense. Why not? It's like an elf is trying to come through the fucking ceiling, right? Hey, did you eat yet, bubs? We don't have a chimney. Okay.

That's not bad. Any kids come over, they'll fucking love it. Did you eat yet? I don't know. I don't know. I don? Hey, did you eat yet? We don't have a chimney. Okay, that's not bad. Any kids come over, they'll fucking love it. Did you eat yet? No.

This is really delicious food. Holy fuck! What are these? Yeah, fucking fruity strawberry pancakes, man. They're good. These are for me? Holy fuck. Give me that fucking butter. Shave some butter onto them. If you can't eat them all, just tell me. I'll fuckin' heat some up, man. They're delicious.

Are they cold? Four or five. They're still warm. Decent. Ricky, when you pack this fuckin' tree up, when we're done Christmas put it away properly man this is fucked you fucking pack it up I can't do it all I'm cutting my fucking hands up trying to do this shit man it's fucking like all the very pancakes smash this glass fucking love strawberry rice like the trailer's on a bit of an angle. You know what?

I feel like a... You guys... What are these? Do you ever have like an anxiety attack? Where your heart's getting all flippy and... Nope. And you just want to go to bed or something? Ricky, what...

That's what I feel like right now. These aren't strawberry pancakes. These are fucking Swedish berries. How did you put Swedish berries in them? I thought you said they were real fucking fruit. Well, fruit flavored, man. Well, there's a big difference between fruit flavored fucking candies and your goddamn pancake and a strawberry. There's no strawberries in these. They're Swedish berries. There, that looks fucking good. Oh, my fuck. Ricky?

Ricky. Hello. What are these things in the pancakes? This feels like I'm on a fucking boat, man. Is the trailer moving? Julian? What? Ricky? Hello. What are the red moving? Julian? What? Ricky?

Hello. What are the red, chewy substances in here? They look like gummies. What's up with that laugh? Like, seriously? I'm not fucking eating those. I fell for that too many times. What are you laughing about? They're gummies. What do you mean? Like, gummy gummies! What do you mean, like gummy gummies? I would say so.

It's called gummies for dummies. Oh, Ricky. Alright. How did you not notice they were chewy? Because I'm fucking... Bubs, I don't fucking know. We never have fruit in our pancakes. Rick, what's the deal with these things?

Uh... Is there weed in these things? No. Yes, there is. Well, there's THC, not weed. Oh, for fuck's sake. How much? What the fuck you think I'm making? Normal strawberry pancakes? Well, you told me they were strawberry. How much?

Strawberry flavouring. How many milligrams are we talking about in these fucking things? A lot. What do you mean a lot? Well, the package had a thousand milligrams and I divvied it up into portions. So those are probably fifty each. How many did you eat? Fifty?

I don't even eat a fifty. I'm on about fucking 200, man. No, no, no. Just fucking go with it. It's Christmas. No, Bubz, I had four pancakes. It's December the 10th. You got to build up your tolerance to fucking Christmas, man. You got about 1,000 milligrams in you, about a gram.

All right, I'm done. I'm done. No, just... No, this is not good, man. I've never done 1,000. I've never done a thousand. I've done a hundred before, and that fucked me. Oh, you're fucking fine. Here, let's get the stockings up at least before you get too fat. Maybe we should staple these to the ceiling, too, should we? Yeah.

All right, what time is it? Who's got the time? When do we eat? Who's got the duct tape? Oh, yeah. Well, it goes by body size and weight, too, so... You know what? A thousand milligrams will take down a fucking elephant bus.

It might not. It will. I done... Oh, I haven't done a thousand, but I've done a lot. Ricky, you did 2,000. I did? Yes. See, there you go.

It's nothing. He did 2,000. All right. Where do you want to put the stockings this year, boys? I did? Yes! See, there you go. It's nothing. He did two thousand. Where do you want to put the stockings this year, boys? Don't care, man. How much change? Oh, we don't have a change maker. Nah, on the TV. What? No, it's the best, Ricky. It's a little...

What about right on your thing here, maybe? On his cock? Oh, that thing. That fucking thing that never did what it was meant to be. How's the plant doing anyway? It's dead. Did we get a plant update? Is it still in there, man? This poor fucker.

Okay, here, I'll just put them on there. Ricky, stick to the au naturel way, man. Don't use these fucking shoes. No kidding. This is not good, bud. Whoa, we didn't do it right. We're supposed to be down. Look at me shaking, boys.

Look. I'm shaking. Yeah. Shake, rattle, and roll. Muscle shake, rattle, and roll. Muscle shake, rattle, and roll. All right, you know what? This isn't so fucking bad, boys.

No, it's good. I am not this. Where's the cake, Ricky? This is how you live your life. Where's the duck cake? I don't want to live my life like this, but, you know, I'll go with it for a little while. Okay. Look off, Hertz.

Keep the heart rate down, man. Jesus, Ricky. What the fuck is this? What are these things, man? What the fuck is this? What are these things, man? What the fuck? That's... No, no, no. What the fuck are these things?

Why? These things. Do you put this on the fucking tree or, like, what the fuck? You can wrap it around your fucking muscular body if you prefer. Well, I had them all coiled up. Coiled? Does this look like they're fucking coiled, bubs? I'm not now that you're fucking...

Trying to eat? Oh, fuck. All right, fucking... Not now that you're muscle... We'll show you, Oprah Winfrey, how to fucking put up a 3A, boys. Why are you... This is the fucking... Yeah, man, looks good.

Why are you shooting off to Oprah? What? Looks good. This looks like a bunch of intestines or something. Bob, check this shit out, bud. I know. Intestines. Christmas.

What the fuck happened to my tape? What? I've got your tape right here, Ricky. Oh. Can I use it? Thank you, man. That was a good throw. You guys have any of those little blue aspirins in case my heart fucking all of a sudden stops?

Cockpills? No, those aspirins. The ones you're supposed to chew up in case, you know, when you have a heart attack. Because I think that might happen today. That doesn't work. No, you're not going to have a heart attack. Well, something's going to happen to me. There's a fucking method to this.

Okay, you tell me the method, then. You don't just start gooping it like you're fucking... You know what? This is the thing, bubs. You turn the fucking lights on this thing, it's going to look amazing. That's a whole part of the plan, man. This looks like some kind of a weird elf shot a big Christmas load on. Yeah, maybe we should talk to your mama about elves and loads on them.

Because you know your mother sucked off all the elves up in North Pole. Just wait. We gotta start over. Nope. Trust me. This is terrible. Do you want to plug it in? Plug that motherfucker in. Just like we need a bit more up here. Well, okay, now that's too much. You don't... See?

Presto. Alright, I'm happy with it. We need more lights though. Boys, this is not how you decorate a tree, for Spock's sakes. This looks like crazy people. You know what this is? Maybe it can be renamed the Mardi Gras tree. There's Mardi. Get tree? Who's Mardi?

Get it? I get it, yes. Get the tree to show you its boobs, and then you give it a piece of garland. Too bad we didn't have a set of fakies we could put on this tree right there. Light up the nips. I've got a couple of bloney logs in my shed. Go get them. What the fuck are you guys talking about? Tree tips.

Bloney logs. Shape them into two boobs. Light break down in the nipple. Flash them on and off. Every time the light goes off, you take a drink. Here, we need to decorate more than the tree. Like, we need to get, you know, up here, this type of thing. How are the lights coming, man? They're not doing awesome.

Well, lights are complicated, man. They're not doing awesome. Well, lights are complicated, man. They're not that fucking complicated, Ricky. You plug them in and they come on. Yeah, but there's different ends. All right, that's nice. All right, I was going to plug this in, Rick. Just that one. I see you when you do it.

Ricky. Oh. Are you looking for this? What is it? It's a plug that I almost plugged in. No, man. I'm not looking for it? It's a plug that I almost plugged in. No, man. I'm not looking for it. That's the fucking plug you used to grind.

Who changed my fucking EQ settings? Remember the telephone cable? Yeah. Fucking dumbass. Who changed my EQ, boys? I did. I put more bass in it, man. Don't fuck with 1.2 kilohertz.

What do you mean? 1.2K needs. What do you mean? 1.2K needs to stay right there. It's the key to everything. Fuck's sake, man. I can't find the fucking end of this. Bubs? What? I got it. Okay, right, stand back.

Ricky? Rick? We don't have the starter on yet, but this is it. No! I'm plugging the fucking thing in. Check this out. Awesome. You know what?

It's not great. You only got a couple of lights on. You got to stand back, though, bubs. You got to stand back. No, this is not done. This is nowhere near done. All right. Some of the lights need to be peeking through. Are we doing the bologna log thing with the breasts or what you know?

I'll get some baloney tits in a bit. Yeah, tits have got to go right here. We got a light for it there And another light. Oh you know what we could do boys? I got an idea. Who? Us. Ricky go right to the ceiling with those Okay Ricky, go right to the ceiling with those. Okay? I'm way ahead of you. Right to the ceiling, but come this way. Come this direction. Because these are going to become tree lights. Okay.

I see where you're going. That brings it all together. I see where you're going. Bubs, check this out. Perfect. When you get the bologna logs, titty lights. Right here. Perfect. Titty balls, titty balls, show me your titty balls. I just need to find something that'll make the blink on and off.

Oh, I've got a blinker. I've got a blinker relay. Alright. What is he doing? Tits on the tree? He's gonna have to put it on at like a time for the blinks. And every time, you should hook it up so that every time you put something in between them, they blink. Why don't you just come over and just... Ricky, you can't stand on that, it's glass. And you're not tit-fucking the Christmas tree.

You're gonna go right through it and cut your shins open. Ricky? Here, I can fucking reach it, man. Where's the thing? What if I tape these to my legs? No, we don't want to use that, eh? This is looking good.

Here, I can't... You know what we're missing? We're missing fucking music. Jesus Christ, Ricky! Ricky, look at that. You're fucking up the tit lights. Oh, my pants are down. Ricky's arse came out. I saw the Christmas turkey.

Here, man. Hey, Julian, don't stop the Christmas turkey. Where the fuck... Here, you put them on. I can't reach. Here, I got them, man. Hold it. You've got the tape. You know what? I think this is looking better than last year's, boys. Okay, so now, watch this.

Ahhh. Where was Jesus born? Kansas? No, fucking... Kansas? That was Dorothy, wasn't it? Just wait. Now just gimme these. All the... Gimme these. Ah, fuck, Bubs. You know what, boys? I'm having an awesome time!

Yeah, man. This is fucking great! Finally. Finally. I'm not a free of edibles anymore. Pancake, pancake, what are you gonna do? What the fuck am I walking on? Okay, now. Methodical, please. Hey, man. I'm coming Please. Oh. Hey, man.

I'm coming through. What the fuck is this thing? What the? Hey, can you plug me in? Huh? Plug me into your ass receptacle? Just wait. I gotta make a couple of rounds.

What are these things called again? Those are... It's a tassel. Those are tassels, yes. What the fuck do you mean a tassel? I think those are the ones your mother used to wear at the strip club. What? I think that's where Rose came from.

Hanging off of what? That was the one she used to hang out of her thing. Hey, man, come back to me for a minute. All right, there is a funky smell to this thing. I'll be around. Look out. That was... Well, you don't want to touch that.

Get around. Look out. Coming through. It's never been this festive in here. Here, Ricky. Oh yeah, there he is. Oh yeah, look at these guys. Oh, blinkers.

Man, get away from me! Who? Whatever that was. What is there a fucking snake or something down there? Something down there. What are you talking about? It's a joystick. It's an Atari joystick. Jesus Christ, Ricky.

Where's the duct tape at now, guys? Hey, are you changing spots, Ricky? What? Mardi Gras beads. Use these for the log-a-titties. All right? Make sure you do something with those. All right.

Get the Mardi Gras feel. Uh, duct tape, please. We unplugged them, Ricky. Drink, please. Oh, fuck. Drink tape please. We unplugged them, Ricky. Drink please. Oh fuck. Drink please, drink! Holy fuck, man. Where the fuck did my drink go?

Oh my god. Boys, boys, boys, this is not... What the fuck? How'd they back on? I think it's looking pretty good in here. Starting to. Starting to look pretty good. Yep.

But we gotta do the balls, boys. The balls? Well, you need balls. The big ones we'll save. Maybe we hang those right off his toes. Buzz, we need a fucking star for this thing, or an angel, or whatever the fuck it is. I've got a... Don't worry, I've got a... star. What the fuck is going on here now? Maybe this is gonna work. This might be too much.

I will decide. What are you doing now? Oh yeah, I like it. You know, I don't know why he would have done that. Maybe he used them as the thing that bust through the roof. Who, Captain Dan? Yeah, Sergeant Dan. Lieutenant Dan. Or he's hanging there and no one's helping him,

and we're just saying, fuck you, Dan, let's decorate him up. It makes more sense. I don't know. I'll decide if I like that later. Oh, yeah, here's that, um... Here's that snowman, um... mail. This is for Christmas mail. When the Christmas mail comes, you put it in there. What do you mean mail?

I got this at the... You didn't fucking get it. I got it at Value Village and I didn't know what it was. You bought that thing? I just wanted it. What do you mean? I don't understand the mail. It's like a mail, like... Christmas cards. Holy fuck. It's like a mail. Like... Christmas cards! Holy fuck, Buzz.

That's what I mean. No, there's a big difference between mail and cards, man. It holds your Christmas cards. Who the fuck, Buzz? So look, if we put him right there, you know, then we can put all of our... I think that's what it's for. Or it could be. I mean, maybe it's a pant leg.

Maybe you put your leg right through it. You put that on right now, man? Sweet, that might be what it is, boys. Might be a pant leg. Sweet, I think I can... This would be like Sebastian Bach's Christmas pants. Oh, man. Jesus, fuck.

How did it not happen? How does that... Look at that. That is what it is, boys. It's a Christmas pant leg. Fuckin' hot. No, man, no. You don't think?

I can't let you do that to yourself. Then you got a little pocket buddy. Hey, buddy. You look fucked. got a little pocket buddy. Hey buddy. You look fucked. That's my pocket buddy. Okay. I'm gonna leave it on. I'm dreaming of a Christmas tree tonight.

Look at this guy, Ricky. Alright, do you guys need anything screwed? I don't like that, man. Frosty the leg. Holy fuck, man! Frosty the leg. Holy fuck, man! That's an expensive lamp! Edibles! Edibles! Fuck!

Gonna keep them under my shirt. Watch this, Julian. No, this is all ruined. Well, I'm ruined, okay? My brain's never gonna bounce back from this. Did you ever fuck over this lamp bad? Look at it now. That's what it does now. It's like, hey, this is what I do.

What? I don't light. I just do this. I bend. Broke. Oh, Ricky. Yeah, fuck. I don't care.

Ricky, here. I found your old Christmas hat, too. Oh, I love that hat. It was in my attic. My attic in my shed. Thank you, man. Oh, Ricky. Thank you, man. Oh, Ricky. Good going, man.

Nice one, buddy. Things aren't doing what they're supposed to today. Remember this guy, Ricky? Oh, yeah. Did you ever put your real nut in that? Don't. You didn't put your real nut in it. Don't tell me you did that. He put his fucking nut in that? Don't. You didn't put your real nut in it. Don't tell me you did that.

He put his fucking nut in the nut pack. Well, you know what? Because I'm one of those, like, a pioneer. Everybody wonders. Some people fucking find out. Yeah, you're like, ah, fuck, boys. You're like a trailblazer, Ricky.

See, I had this perfect. All right. These guys have any stories they want to tell? Stay there, dogs. Stay. The good old days, bubs? No. What good old days?

What? What are we talking about? I don't know. Here. You guys start putting some balls on the tree. You serious? Yeah. Give me this one other big one. It's about done to me, man. Start, start.

That's an important part of the crystal tree. Ricky, what are you doing? I'm decorating. Do you want to incorporate that into your work? I would love to. And this little sand up. Ricky, what the fuck do you have so many nutcrackers for, man? He's got like tons of them.

I like nuts at Christmas. Don't judge. Not judging. Just fucking... Just knows you got a little nutcrackers, bud. We don't have a stirrer, by the way. There we go, baby. No don't have a stirrer, by the way. There we go, baby. No, I have a stirrer. Is the trailer in a fucking slant or no?

It feels like it's moving, man. No, it's not moving. Where did I put my box of stuff? All right, here, look. Where's my box of stuff I just had? It's right here, man. Fuck off! No.

Oh, you cocksucker. Fuck off! Ricky. It's out of staples, Tommy. Ah! No, it's not. What the fuck do I know, man? I thought you could see the end of it. It's got a staples dummy. Ah! No it's not. What the fuck do I know, man? I thought you could see the end of it. It's... it's... they work by gravity, Ricky.

They won't shoot straight up. Maybe. Well... Who's got the tape? Keep trying, Ricky. I'm sure it's going to work. Okay. I'm sure it's going to work. Yeah.

Keep it going, man. I've got it this time. It's the angle, man. Go at a different angle. Got an angle sensor. Here, here. It's still working. Put the fucking thing up, put it up there.

Up in this here. Not that, the thing, you wanna. Holy Jesus, man. Just try one more, Ricky, I got a good feeling. One more. No, here, this thing. We'll do it. Okay, hold it there for a second. No, it didn't work. Zang, zang, this thing. We'll do it. Okay, hold it there for a second.

It didn't work. Now we got a problem. What'd you do, tape the thing to the stapler? It's gonna work, Ricky. Oh, yes! Christmas. I am victory. The Christmas spirit always comes through, Ricky.

Jesus was looking down at you and he said, look at that poor cocksucker trying to staple that garland up in my honor. I'm going to give him a magic do. Imagine if Lee was here watching us do this. He would be all fucked up on edibles. I think he might like this. I don't know. Or he'd think we're fucked. Fuck off! What are you doing?

That's not the star. Where the fuck is the star? Does that look like the star? This is my Christmas kitty. This is a Christmas kitty, merchant. You don't put a kitty on the fucking- You put a merchant man kitty on the top. Well here, he can-

Wait, well wait now. Just a second. You don't got to ruin it. I'm not ruining anything, man. I'm fixing it. I got some tape. Just a second. It's a kitty?

Yes, look. That's not a fucking kitty, man. Fuck off! That's a dude. I made it. It's a fucking kitty. Where's the whiskers? The whiskers came off. Just wait now. Just tape them to there.

Fucking tape? Fuck! Just tape them to there. Looking good, Ricky. Yeah, baby. Keep going, Ricky. You got it. Don't let it beat you, Ricky.

Don't let it beat you. Boom. Nope. Nope. Nope. You need to find a good... You know what? Boom. No. No. No, he's not. You need to find a good... You know what? It's this thing. It doesn't like staplers. Alright, let's really... Let me have a look.

There he is. There he is! Alright, let's get it up, Buzz. We'll stand back and take a look. Alright. I think we should all be proud. It's pretty fucking nice. Just a sec, just a sec, just a sec. The tree's on an angle a bit. Oh, fuck, there's another whole box I forgot about.

Boys. There. Is that straight now? We're gonna have to go to the store. We need more tape. We need more staples. Oh, there's your... That goes on your fridge, Ricky. That's your fridge, Reed. You can't get this straight for us.

And this one, Ricky, I got you this. Look. Look at that. You look like... Julius Romain. You look like Christmas James Brown. Where's my specialty? There, I think, boys.

I think we're... Oh, fuck. Pretty much there. All right. Thank you, sir. Is that a mistletoe, man? You guys gonna make out? Fuck those right on your pants. No, we make out? Fuck those right on your pants.

No. We're not making out. I bet there's people that would like to see that. We're not putting any fucking mistletoes up in this trailer. Look. Beautiful Christmas. That's what Christmas is all about right there. That's what it's all about, man.

We done? Have you guys been rolling the whole time? Yes, sir. Oh, fuck. What are we doing with that? Only got a few minutes left. Oh, I like... Aren't we supposed to do...

We got to do the show now, don't we? Well, I thought so. Oh, yeah. Welcome to the park after the dark. Well, it's pretty much over now, Ricky.

I didn't know they were... It's December the 10th. We're getting warmed up for Christmas. We may or may not have done way too many... Get these away from me. ...edibles. You're not going to eat this, man? No, Ricky.

I'm not eating fucking thousand milligrams of fucking gummies. It's not a thousand milligrams per fucking... If I ate around... If I just ate the pancake part, would the THC have morphed into the... You know what? How are you doing that? That's one of the mysteries of cooking, isn't it?

Is it? You're gonna get higher. I can't get higher. I don't understand that. The only thing I'm gonna get is less hungry. Can't get higher. I don't think you can. It's just... Well, is that true? Is there a point where you get on the top of the mountain and you just... There's nothing left higher to go? Is that real?

Well, there's times when you're at a mountain and you think, okay, there's no way I can get higher. And then you look over and you're like, fuck, there's a mountain there. It's in the clouds. Didn't see it. And you want to jump over to him. All right. What mountain are you on? So, yeah, are we on the same mountain? Like, I've already looked

at all kinds of mountains and hopped over in the last ten minutes. Do you see any around you that could make you go higher or are you at the peak? I don't know, man. Turn around. Oh, fuck. Went back there.

But we're going to get there, bud. No, no. We're going to use some Spider-Man-like webs. I want to go down to base camp. Swing right over to it. I wish I had Wonder Woman's little magic golden, what's it called? I love Wonder Woman.

Click on to a little plane. Then you're over there. That would be awesome. This is the earliest I think I've ever got my duck rating done. The power of drugs It's too much man You see you could never have created this straight Well you could if you just let a bunch of crazy people into your

That's what it looks like every year man What are you talking about That's not decorations That is art That's true It's very artsy I don't know what you'd call it. If we could do an installation at the fucking Guggenheim,

people would be like, oh, it's brilliant. Would that be like folk art? Or what is it? Performance art. Performance art. Ah. Wait till we get the baloney log titty liquor game going. Oh, yeah. That's going to be awesome.

Maybe that's what the whole piece could be called, baloney log titty liquor game going. Oh, yeah. That's going to be awesome. Maybe that's what the whole piece could be called. Baloney log titty balls. I didn't get to talk about anything today, which is probably good. Awesome. I don't want to talk about anything. Oh, shit. Okay, just one thing, though. Do you guys know where all the Christmas shit came from?

Guess who we need to thank, guys? The Germans. Yes! How did you know? Are you fucking kidding me? How did you know? Yes! The Germans think of everything, man. Cheers to the fucking Germans. Oh! How did you know? Are you fucking kidding me? How did you know? Yes! The Germans think of everything, man.

Cheers to the fucking Germans. The Germans at Head Santa? Let me tell you this. What's more about the Christmas tree? The German settlers that migrated to Canada from U.S. U.S.? Brought with them most things associated with the Christmas. Event calendars, gingerbread homes, cookies, and Christmas trees.

The Germans had all that. The Germans were funny. And didn't they have a mean Santa? That was called Hitler. When Queen Victorians. Oh, no. You got them confused, man. No, no.

They had a mean Santa that burned kids. Maybe. Finland had the real Santa. We met him, and he was a drunk. Oh, yeah. He drank reindeer piss. And he was sponsored by Honda. That was weird.

He drank reindeer piss, didn't he? Yeah, you drank some. No shit. So when Queen Victorians' German husband, Prince Rupert, put up a Christmas tree at Windsor Castle in 1848, Christmas trees became a tradition throughout England, U.S., and Canada. What year? 1848.

It's pretty new. 1848. Who knew? It's not that new, Ricky. It's not. It's new-ish. It's almost 200 years old. Here's another bit of history. It's newer new, Ricky. It's not. It's new-ish. It's almost 200 years old. Hey, here's another bit of history.

It's newer than God. It's not. It is. Do you know why we give Boston a Christmas tree every year? Yes, I do. Something to do with green tea. Nope. Nope.

Halifax explosion. Could go on. What about it? When Halifax blew up Boston sent up Big All kinds of people To help man

Yeah Nurses and doctors All kinds of people Fucking came to the aid Of the Haligonians And they gave I saw the fucking Boston tree from

Well that's why You know what I think there should be A cut off point though You know what I mean No more trees You're done Or get them to pay for it

Or something It's been a hundred Fucking years I think we're done Sending trees It must be expensive Totally man Boy you can send A fucking tree to Boston You know what I mean? No more trees. You're done. Or get them to pay for it or something. It's been 100 fucking years. I think we're done sending trees. It must be expensive. Totally, man. Boy, you can send a fucking tree to Boston.

Do you see how big the tree is? Yeah, let's send a smaller tree. Or a fake tree that they can just reuse. A lot of fucking unhappy older trees out there because of Boston, let me tell you. No, I think it's fine. All right, let's continue. We'll do it. We'll keep doing it. Who got burnt on December the 10th? What are you fucking's fine. All right, let's continue. We'll do it. We'll keep doing it.

Who got burnt on December the 10th? What are you fucking doing now? All right, I gotta go to bed. What happened? Because this does not happen. You dropped your drink? Once every 10 years. You know what I was going for?

A gummy. Once every 10 years that happens. Yeah. Mark the day. Mark the day. Okay, let's see who we can celebrate. Once a decade. He's fucked.

He is fucked. Michael Clarke Duncan got born on December 10. He was awesome in that great movie. He was. Meg White. The Green Mile. Wasn't he in that? Yeah, if it was in Canada, it would have been called the Green Kilometer.

Meg White, drummer of White Stripes. Awesome drummer. Great drummer. Cosby Jolie Rob Blake he was a good hockey player and Matt Stutzman he's the fucking man of the day Matt Stutzman he's got the WR for longest accurate shot in archery

230 YDS's oh and he's got no arms Oh man Shit's falling apart Boy is this something This thing's fucking moving over here Could you send him Here just wait I'll just staple that back up

You could send him Captain Dan's legs And he could have four legs Who? Matt Stutzman Oh yeah four legs and no? Matt Stutzman. Oh, yeah, four legs and no arms. That's pretty good. He can get a world record with his feet.

Have you ever seen that? The archery guys that use their feet? It's fucking unbelievable. It's pretty awesome. He's sitting down, obviously, but... I wonder what else they can do with their feet. Well, he's sitting, Ricky. He couldn't hover in midair. Do you think his legs would be flexible enough

to bend around and... To what? What, Jack one? Ricky, I don't think they'd do that. There must be a way. No, he's probably just, you know, taped something to the wall or whatever. A little pocket? Well, you know. You could install a flashlight in the wall.

Just have a little, you know, a regular light cover over it. You know, the vacuum covers. Just put one of those over it. Lift her up. Why don't we have one of those? You're not putting a flashlight in your wall, Ricky. It's a roller coaster, these crazy edibles. It's awesome.

What are you doing back there? I'm going to have an edible nap. Then we'll go get more staples. Maybe some more lights. I'm not going out in public. Yeah, you. Why? Because I'm not fit to be in the world right now, bud.

I'll do anything right now except drive. No, I can drive. I'll drive, Ricky. I'll drive your car. Where do you want to go? I don't think I'd roller skate right now. Oh, you want to go down the mall and see that big cocksucker of a Christmas tree they put up? Get our picture taken with it?

Let's go get a selfie with him. Is Santa there? I don't know if he's in town yet. Maybe. I'd like to see Santa. Let's go find Santa then, Ricky. Come on, Julian. We're going to find Santa.

Not doing it. Well, then we'll bring Santa back to you. Do that and I'll shoot him. Shoot what in him? Somebody needs to mix me a drink, please. I'll mix you a drink. So you guys are going, okay okay so i guess that's it for today they're gonna maybe for a few days bubs don't just leave me alone please they're gonna

pass out oh boys you know what that we're gonna do this live salmon what salmon do you smell salmon Salmon. Do you smell salmon? No. I smell salmon. No, but you were leaning on your fingers. Where were your fingers at? Don't ask. You might have been rooching around in your hole again.

We're doing this live. Do you know that? Right now? No, no, not right now. On the 17th, I think. What does that even mean? So we got to make sure people know to tune in live. We're going to try to, you know, get some Zooming calling going or something and talk to the people that are watching right now.

We may be able to communicate with directly for Christmas on the 17th. You guys, they're fucking not even listening to me. Bubs. What? Shut the fucking cameras off so we, they're fucking not even listening to me. Buffs. What? Shut the fucking cameras off so I can get up and mix a drink, please. All right. I'm not going on camera like this, man.

Done. I am done. Tune in next week, December 17th.