Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 30 - Bad Choices

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Strap in and strap on - Bubbles wants to land a jumbo jet, and Ricky tries a dickie duel with inflatable wangs! The Boys also play a greasy new game, and get learnt on some facts they wish they didn't know!

To see the video version of Park After Dark in Ricky's trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the Trailer Park Boys SwearNet app. I'm just saying, if the pilot fucking died, I could 1000% land a jumbo jet. Not a chance. Maybe a Cessna,000% land a jumbo jet. Not a chance. Maybe a Cessna. They're not a fucking jumbo jet. I could land a jumbo jet. What part of this fucking do you not understand? So maybe if it was on autopilot.

Two, 300 people on a plane like that? Is that what it is? 100? On a jumbo jet, yes. You could have at least 300. So you're willing to put your skills up against the lives of that many people. It's those people's fucking lucky day that I'm on the plane. Did you see that crazy fucker that took that, what was it?

It was a prop plane. It was like Air Canada has them. Ah, fuck. But he took one for a rip around. I'm going to do like a fucking loop-de-loop in it and shit. Oh, and then he crashed her. Yeah, he crashed her. Yeah, he crashed her.

That was fucked, eh? Crashed into an island or something? Yeah. He had a good time, though. A dash eight. Yeah, a dash eight. That's what the fuck. Took a dash eight and tried to do a fucking roll, barrel roll. But he did a roll. He did it.

Yeah. But then he came down about 10 feet above a lake, and then soon after that, he fucking lost her. Yeah, he stole the plane. I mean, I could have barrel rolled it better than he did, but whatever. And what about those planes that have the parachutes? Good thing, bad thing?

Good thing? I think they're great. Great idea. You can't control where you're going with those fucking things. No, but at least you're not dead. At least you're not dead in a fiery... Yeah, but what if you fucking kind of flew down and hit like a telephone pole with wires and got all wrapped up in electric... Well, you run that risk, I suppose, but you're going to do better than fucking going, you know, 400 miles an hour into the side of a fucking...

Or hit like the Halifax Bridge and then you're way up there, you're safe for a bit, but then you hit it. Then you're into rescue fucking number two. Alright, man. At least you didn't have to slow down. That's alright. I'll tell you this, going 480 miles an hour into the side of a fucking mountain is worse.

It's good there, man. The fuck is this, Ricky? What the fuck are those things? It's the Doolin' Dickies. The Doolin' Dickies? Yep. Doolin' Dickies? Where did you get this? Must be trends.

You can have a sword fight, boys. Three rounds. Inflatable cocks that you strap to your waist. Yep. And try to fuck each other You try to knock them off They attach with Velcro So What could you not do?

Oh you and Julian are up I'm not doing that man There's no fucking way You guys are up You're strapping out to me Blow it up Ricky Get your lips wrapped around it Where's the hole

After you inflate her? Wish we had one of those Inflatable pumpers. So what do you do? You fucking... You strap a belt around you? What's this thing? And you hook...

Oh, fuck, man. Then you Velcro it on? Then you Velcro it on. Then you try to knock it off. All right, so you... Each person, contestant, or whatever you want to call it, sticks this to him, then you what? You fucking, you hump and you...

You try to whack my wang with your wang and knock it off. Why would you do that, though? Because it's a fucking sword fight. Ghoul and dick? Well, if you see here, man, they got a couple chicks on here doing it. I mean, it looks like something you'd have, like, at a stag-up party or something. Well, that's what it's for. What the fuck do you think it's for?

Well, he's fucking blowing it up and putting it on right now. You can use the real wangs if you'd rather. No, I don't want to use any wangs, man. Inflated ones, real ones. Oh, man, you're no fun. I wanted to play games today. Bubz will play it with you. It's game day.

Can you get it? Here, I'll blow this up. Will you play with him? I can't fucking make it work. You gotta press the thing, Rick. Let's watch big lungs. Muscle lungs. Hey, fuck, where'd him go? He's like a fucking air machine.

Muscle lungs. Fuck! Mm, get that cock right in your mouth, dude. Jesus Christ, you're good at that. You're a sucky. Go ahead, put some air in my tires. I tell you, blow up a cock, boys. I don't think something I'm going to like.

Yeah, I need some air in my truck tires. Can you go out? Pretty small balls, huh? Yeah, those... Hey, Bob, strap her on, dude. I'm not strapping that thing up. You said you would. I blew the fucking thing up, man. Come on, people want to see it.

I don't want those little... You guys want to see him strap this on? Yeah, let's do it. See, bud? Here you go. Put it on, bud. Yeah, you go for it. You go, girl. There you go. You got that thing going. Are you getting lightheaded, Ricky?

One more. One more big one. Get the balls. Get the balls nice and big. There you go. All right, strap it on, man. It's fucking circumcising everything, just like me. Nice. Where did you get it, Ricky? Where did you get these?

The public are glad to know, you know. Get that out of my face, man. Oh, sorry, I can't see what I'm doing. Whoops. Why? Stop fucking around with that thing. I'm just... Put it around your waist and have a fucking cock off with him.

Come on, man. I don't know. I don't cock off with him. Come on, man. I don't know. I don't know how it goes. Jesus Christ, man. You can't... Yeah, you fucking... Come on. You guys are awfully...

It's easy. Okay, bubs. Slip into this. Here, man. I'm not slipping. Why won't you put a cock on? He's doing it. I don't like the way you said slip into it.

Slip into it, man. Like you were putting lingerie on me. Felt like you were putting a braz on me. Go for it, man. Oh, man, this is not going to work. Yes, it is. This is made for fucking, like, people not like me. Petite women?

I guess. Little fellas? Definitely not for this size human. Imagine Randy trying to throw this thing out. Oh, it's like that, doesn't it? And then that. Sticks to that, man. Sticks to that.

So there's what you got, Ricky. Just put it on, man. Sticks to that. So there's what you got, Ricky. Just put it on, man. Come on. Oh, yeah. Stand up. She's up pretty high, Ricky. You got like a chest cock. See, we need to be on mushrooms playing this fucking game.

There you go. Give him a good whack. Under his armpit. It's on there pretty good. You got to be whacking that thing pretty hard. Smack muscles. Smack muscles. See, look.

Knocked my cock off. I'm winning. Won nothing. That game wasn't very fun, I have to be honest. No, you need to be undressed. That didn't even do anything for me. In a turn-on kind of way. Was it supposed to?

I don't know. Didn't turn him on. What? You mean banging his armpit did nothing for you? Nothing. That's weird, man. Didn't turn him on. What? You mean banging his armpit did nothing for you? Nothing. That's weird, man. Not even hit me in the back with it?

A little bit. A little bit. Okay. Well, that was a lot of fun. Welcome to the Park After Dark. Things are a little weird today. A little weird. Or maybe they're not weird.

Maybe they're awesome. You can be weird and awesome. You maybe they're not weird. Maybe they're awesome. You can be weird and awesome. You know what's fucking weird? Companies. This company. This is a metal company, man, in Japan. They made a fucking hammer. Cool.

In the shape of bananas. And they're selling them. Why are you telling me this? I don't know, man. They're just fucking weird. It's weird shit over there, man. What the fuck would be the purpose of that? It's a banana hammer. I don't know.

You make a fucking hammer in the shape of a banana, and then everybody wants one. That's what they used to call me in high school. Banana hammer. Banana hammer. Old Bubbles banana hammer. Alright, here's another poor fucker. BDH. So this dude,

he was suffering headaches for like five months, right? He decides to go to the fucking doctor. They take a scan of his brain. He's got a dinky in there. No. Scan of his brain? Yep. Even worse, man. He had two chopsticks that were rid written through his nose into his skull.

Yeah, I've heard of that. How don't you know that? He's heard of it. Did it happen to him? Then he's just like. He did it to himself. I don't think so, man. How would they get in there and he wouldn't know?

Don't know. He must have been drunk. And his friends jammed them up there. Or he slipped when he was eating his chicken balls or something, whatever he's eating, his noodles. Why do you assume he only eats chicken balls?

Because that's all I eat when I eat, you know, Chinese food, man. I'm a picky person, but I love chicken balls and fried rice. Why do people use chopsticks? Don't know. That's what I'm saying. I tried to. Anyway. If you go to a sushi restaurant or some Chinese restaurants, you use chopsticks? Don't know. That's what I'm saying. I tried to. Anyway. If you go to a sushi restaurant or some Chinese restaurants, you use chopsticks. Yep.

You don't use them at home. You don't use them at any other fucking restaurant. It makes no sense to me. But people use them all the time, man. Some people don't use forks. Yes, if you use them for every meal, it's fine. But we do not. So why the fuck do we got to use them when we go to one of those restaurants?

Because we're... Experience, man. No. It's fucking stupid. All right. You're taking part in the... It's dumb. Culture.

Ricky, again, you know what? I'm going to tell you this right now. You like to go to Chinese restaurants on dates and shit, right? That's a good place to take you. Because they're fancy. If you learned how to do chopsticks, eating with those, it impresses the shit out of you. Yeah, but every time he tries to pick something up with chopsticks, it goes flying. I know, he's got to fucking practice.

That's what I'm saying. You learn that shit. I know, but you get too much pressure and then it... It's the rice. Chopsticks do not work well with rice. No, they don't. You're right. You've got to use them as a shovel, don't you?

Well, it depends on the rice. If you're eating sticky rice, you can just pick up, you know, blobs of it. But if it's just, you know... Fried rice. Fried rice, it's not sticking together. It's very difficult. You've got to pick up one kernel at a time. I've never tried. They're not kernels, but they're grains of rice.

Grains of rice. All right, what do you got there, man? Bad choices. I don't really understand how it works. Let's just get the cards and start playing. Ooh, there's a lot of them. What is it? You gotta get the person to the left to say yes. The have you ever party game for finding out hilarious truths,

secrets, and stories about your friends. It's the worst one. Do you think you would be the best stripper in the room? I'm right to you, buddy. Wow. Shut up, man. Let's play. Alright, everybody gets two cards.

Everybody gets two cards. Right on. Can you read them? If the person says yes, you get to discard a card. First person with no card, actually, let's have three cards. So what? When you say yes, you get to throw your card away? The person next to you says yes, and you get to throw your card away.

First person with no cards wins. If the person next to you says yes, you throw your card. To your left. What? You're to my left. Okay, well, am I asking you guys a question? Who starts? I don't know. No, Ricky, why are you swapping them out?

All right, I got an all-play card. What does that mean? No, you gotta put that back here. All-play? Yeah, you don't want that. That's a good one, man. All right, keep it then. Fuck you. All right, fuck off. I don't even know how to play. I'm supposed to keep my all-play too, then. All right, keep it then. Fuck you. Fuck off. I don't even know how to play.

I'm still keeping my all play, too, then. How come you got so many fucking cards? I've got three. Oh. All right, who's first? Who goes first? Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I guess you go first, bubs.

All right. Here we go. I'm going to shuffle them. Let's play for five bucks. Okay. Would you drink a glass full of someone else's piss for $5,000? What? Would you?

No. Am I asking him or am I asking myself? No, him. Would you drink a glass of someone else's piss for $5,000? No. What? No, I wouldn't. Why? Because it's someone else's piss for 5,000 bucks. No. What? No, I wouldn't. Why?

Because it's someone else's fucking piss, man. I know a lot about piss. I used to sell it. Remember? It's nasty, and I don't want to deal with it. But if it was at a party, and the person was half drunk, it would be mostly liquor and water. That's true. No.

No, man. If it was like yellow or orange, no. If it was a big dehydration piss? If I was on a fucking, no man. Like a stubborn brown one? If I was on an island stranded, no. You gotta draw another card. So what do I do?

But I can't hold on to this one. No, you put that guy back and you take a new card. Okay. Is it my turn? Yeah. So you're asking him. Well, unless it's an all play. Have you ever lied to leave in the middle of a first date?

Yes. Okay. Fuck! That means he gets to throw a carrot away. Okay, good. I knew you did, man. What was her name? Sophie or something.

Who knows? It went out and got drunk. All right, pups. All right. See you here. Have you ever looked through someone's wallet while they were out of the room? No, I have not. Well, fucking shit you haven't.

Through someone's wallet. Everybody does that. I'm not you, bud. Don't say you're me. I don't rifle through people's wallets. Well, I have. I'm looking for money. I have.

So is it me now? Yep. Do I pick up another card? You're supposed to have three. No, you only have two, so I said yes. So you're winning. Would you ever lie about a person to get them fired? Yes.

Fuck that. I was just going to get rid of a card. Oopsie. Oh, my God. Get rid of a curtain. Boopsie. Oh my God. This is an all play. Would you be willing to look ten years older in order to retire ten years earlier? Yes.

Yeah. Don't give a fuck. I've never... Yeah, you're down to one curtain. No, but no for me. Was it an all-play? Well, yeah. Oh, then you're fucked. No, yes, yes, I mean.

Yes, of course I would. All right, Bob, would you crawl through a mile of sewage in a tunnel to have sex with your celebrity crush? You get to shower before you see him. How far is it? A mile. A mile? And fucking Tom Cruise is at the end, naked,

with his wang hanging out. He didn't... A mile? He didn't even do that in Shawshank. A mile's a long way to sewer. That's a long way to crawl just without being in a sewer pipe. Yeah, but think about that glorious bang that's going to take place. First of all, who's your celebrity crush?

I would have to say no. Maverick. Yeah. No? Fuck. I think I would have to say no. I wouldn't go a mile. All right.

Yours turned to fucking. All right, I'm about to win. No, it's my goal. Fuck. Are you going to win? Yeah. Fuck. I still got three fucking cards.

This is like the stupidest... Would you spend the night in a full port-a-potty for 10,000? Fuck yeah. I haven't fucking passed out on one before. You can't do it for a week. You guys are killing this game. That means in the port-a porta potty, down in the... Oh, down?

No, fuck that. I'm sitting on the toilet, sleeping, not in the fucking... I don't know if it means down in the bucket or just in the structure. No, then. Okay. Okay, you got to get another card. This is fun, man. This could be the win.

All right, this is definitely I know, I won right now Have you ever had more than eight shots in one night? What kind of a fucking question is that? Get rid of that one And the winner is That shouldn't even be Fuck's sakes

Who doesn't drink more than eight shots in a night? Nobody This is a weird one Would you accept $50,000 but porn audio softly plays from your pocket at all times for a year? Damn right. It's $50,000? That's a weird one. Bring it on, man.

50 grand but you've got porn audio coming out of your pocket. I'll do it for like high volume. So then you would just have to keep talking like really loud. Hey, how's everybody doing in the room here? I'm just going to, okay, I'm heading down there, buddy. See ya. I don't know. Fuck him. Have you ever slept with someone

just because you wanted to be a good wingman? Hmm. Julian? It's no brainer. I think so, yeah. I think I'm, yeah. Have you ever apologized after sex? For what?

Yeah, man. Just being shitty? For killing it? For what? Yeah, man. Just being shitty. For killing it? Killing it? No, man. Who's apologizing? Killing it.

Yeah, I guess so. Well, when you're really wasted. Here's a good one for both of you. Have you ever lied to get rid of a one-night stand the next morning? Yes. Who hasn't? What was the lie? I got to get down to the grocery store.

I'm going to puke. You don't want to say that because then they think you're... I'm sick. I got to go get sick. You might want to leave because I throw up, like, violently. You know what I mean? That's a weird one. All right. Well, that was a's a weird one. All right.

Well, it was a good one, man. Julian wins. Julian wins. Five bucks. Five bucks. What's this one? Oh, we've got two games. Oh!

I wish I didn't know. Filthy trivia you'll never forget. How come Scott Thompson's on the front of the box? Is it? Where? That's not Scott Thompson, man. It still looks like him with the wig on. You're talking about Carrot or you're talking about fucking kids in the hall, Scott?

Okay. This sounds like a fun one. How does she work? I can't. Yeah. Bubs. What the fuck is wrong with you here? What?

Here, you grab a bunch. I'll grab a bunch. I'll grab a bunch. I'm gonna grab a stack from here. And I'm going right here. Whoa! This tiny bug is a sex machine. Which insect has orgasms that can last up to 90 minutes? Your mother.

Carpenter ants, ladybugs, fruit flies, or mosquitoes? I'm saying fucking fruit flies, man. Do you have an answer, sir? Oh, what was the question? Fuck's sake. Which tiny bug is a sex machine? Which insect has orgasms that can last up to 90 minutes? Carpenter ants, ladybugs, fruit flies, and mosquitoes.

Ladybugs. Are you fucking kidding me? That's why they're called ladybugs. Why? Because they can orgasm for 90 minutes? That's an hour and a half. Ooh, ah. From a bug.

That's my next life. That's a good job. You know what? And what did the... Okay. I got a lot of fucking questions here. What is going on? Like, how are they, can you watch this happen?

Can you watch it go down? Like, what is it doing? It's just going. But yeah, what is it doing? Like shaking? The little liquid's slowly coming out, like just trickling. Look at. Cracky.

Oh my god. No. Alright. We could have seen it go down, man. Like, who would have fucking known that? Not me. Two and a half orgasms? Who's researching it? Yeah, how do they know?

I don't know, man. What a fun time studying that bug, though, because it would freak you the fuck out. Don't they have like an orgasm fucking sensor on it? If it makes a noise for that. That's what I'm saying. Like, eee, eee. Is it legs up in the air? Is it flapping its wings?

Jesus, here's a piece of trivia you might be interested in. Okay, bring it on. Here's a piece of trivia you might be interested in. Okay. Bring it on. A study found that around one-third of men, one-third, do not do the following. A. Oh, it's multiple choice. I see.

I thought it was. Use toilet paper after pooping. Jesus. Okay. use toilet paper after pooping Jesus okay trim their toenails wash their hands after pooping brush their teeth what's the question again? let's see

Rick you got it what's the question? one third of one third of men in the study don't wash their hands after having a shit oh fuck off really? if you're in the woods if't wash their hands after having a shit. Oh, fuck off. Really? If you're in the woods, if you're a hunter, maybe.

You know what I mean? A hunter? Yeah. Someone out in the woods. Or a survivalist. I don't want to fucking call. No, you drag a sink out there with you. No, man. And a portable pump. What do you got? Bo! Pump? What do you got? Boo!

What a fucking, I don't wanna talk about pregnancy and shit. Okay. Here's another one. What? Think about this the next time you smell someone's poop. Think about this the next time you smell someone's poop. Think about what? Smelling something awful also means, A, the stench is surrounding you. B, molecules from that object are sticking in your nose.

B. B. That's it. That's what I would have said too, man. Shit molecules. Yeah. Shit molecules. I had some, the mad scientist shit molecules in my nose.

Yes. Fan Expo. What was his name? Christopher Lloyd. Christopher Lloyd. Doc from Back to the Future. Ricky had his shit. Destroyed a bathroom at the Fan Expo. And I walked in right after him.

Yeah. And he didn't wash his hands. Correct. So that's a fact. He's one of the one third. A bite from the Lone Star tick has a strange effect on humans. It causes A, a green rash, B, an allergy to red meat, C, severe hiccups, and D, fingernails to turn black. Don't care?

It's not really that exciting, is it? I would say C. It's an allergy to red meat, B. This is fucked. According to research, women look their oldest on this specific day and time every week. What? Yeah. Say again?

Women look their oldest on this specific day and time every week. So it's not a good time to fucking be out there trying to pick up a woman. What are the options? Monday at 2, Wednesdays at 3.30, Fridays at 10.15 a.m., and Sundays at 9 a.m. Sundays at 9 a.m. You would think. That's what I would have picked. But Wednesdays at 3.m. and Sundays at 9 a.m. Sundays at 9 a.m. You would think. That's what I would have picked. But Wednesdays at 3.30.

So it's a hump day at 3.30. Women not looking good. Really? So don't be out there looking for your future wife at 3.30. Well, maybe. Maybe you should. Next Wednesday, we're going to go to the grocery store. And we'll say, listen, honey, I know you're probably not looking your finest right now

because it's 3.30. It's Wednesday. But I love you. Well, here's one. Listen to this. Your feet sweat approximately this much fluid per year. Oh, Jesus. 10, 23, 18, or one and a half gallons.

Holy fuck, is it that much? 10, 23, 18, or one and a half gallons. Hmm. 13, man. 10. 1.5. 23 gallons! Jesus, fuck! That's a lot of sweat.

That's a lot of stink. That's a lot, man. That's just off your feet. I don't believe it. In the Netherlands, it's required that all police cars be equipped with this. A flamethrower, a tea kettle, night vision goggles, or a teddy bear. Tea kettle. Is it?

Night vision goggles. A teddy bear. A teddy bear? What the fuck? It is? Yeah. It must be for kids. They have to take a kid, I guess.

That's a good idea, man. I was hoping it was a flamethrower. Me too. That's a good idea, man. I was hoping it was a flamethrower. Me too. That'd be fucking badass. I thought it would be night vision goggles. Because it's dark there six months of the year. Okay. Sometimes the urge can't wait.

In which of these places are people most likely to have sex in public? A. The car. A. Public bathroom. B. The beach. Or C. A park. Public bathroom is number one. Car. Park, boys.

Park? Yeah. I'm not sure I've ever had sex in a park. I must have. In a park. Just out in the park. Well, we live in the trailer park. Yeah, that's different. They're not saying that. No, it's a park, buddy. They're saying a public park.

Every day, all the people in the world produce 94.1 million gallons of... Snot, poop, pee, or farts? Pee. 94.1 million gallons of... Pee. Snot, poop, pee, or farts? Pee. Farts.

9.4 million gallons of farts. Jesus, couldn't they power a lot of the... This is fucked up. If you grew up watching TV every day You saw about 16,000 of these By the time you turned 18 Commercials Drug commercials, cartoons, movie trailers, or murders

Commercials Say again No, fuck If you grew up watching TV every day And you saw 16,000 of these By the time you turned 18 What are the answers? Drug commercials, cartoons, movie trailers, or murders You saw 16,000 of these by the time you turned 18. What are the answers? Drug commercials, cartoons, movie trailers, murders.

Murders. Murders, man. Murders. A lot of people get murdered on TV. Really, I was just joking. A lot of murderin' on TV. Yeah. All right.

Well, that was something. Didn't really learn much, except the ladybugs were awesome. The world's oldest prostitute on record is 56, 68, 85, or 98. Oldest prostitute? Oldest prostitute. I don't know. It was a stripper we saw. 56, 68, 85, or 98.

98. What was the one below that? 85. Going with 85. Ricky's got it. Yeah. Ricky knows his hookers, baby. Okay, what's a gross but common way for people to find food during a famine?

Digging up freshly buried bodies and eating the meat. Jesus. Roasting cow manure. Season bodies and eating the meat, roasting cow manure, seasoning and eating clothing, eating literal mud pies. What's the fucking answer? I guess the cow shit, is it? No, man. Digging up freshly buried people and eating the shit out of them.

What the fuck? That's fucking end famine right there. That's gross. I can't stop this game, man. We gotta stop. I know. Yeah, I guess we should stop. Oh, which of the following is true about married heterosexual couples?

They have more sex. They're generally happier. Married men live longer than single men. Married women live longer than single women. See. It is true, man. Men live longer with the ladies. They don't allow you to do as much craziness.

Well, yeah, you're not thinking about fucking robbing a bank as much when you're at the same tick you love, right? Get shot doing shit like that. And if you say, hey, I'm going out fucking, you know, ramping doom buggies

over fucking... Oh, no, you're fucking not. No, you're not, dummy. You're gonna break your fucking back. And you do it. Yeah. Woo!

A UK woman has a rare disorder where her body violently rejects every single food except this one. Raw hamburger, fruity pebbles, chicken McNuggets, or Tic Tacs? Raw, what was the first one? Raw hamburger. That's it?

That's it. Egg. Tic Tacs. Fucking Tic Tacs. She can eat Tic Tacs. What the fuck is... That's a weird thing, man. Oh, fuck.

So she's filling up in Tic Tacs. How does she exist? I don't know how... Like, what's the thing... They must have to give her intravenous. What's the thing you get if you don't have vitamin C? Scurvy. Scurvy.

She definitely has scurvy. Is there fucking vitamin C in Tic Tacs? I don't fucking think so, man. Could be. I can't believe think so, man. Could be. I can't believe it's December the 1-5. 10 days to Christmas, motherfuckers. Yeah. Fuck.

Gustav Eiffel. Don't know. The guy that designed and built the Eiffel Tower. Oh, yeah. Next. Uzi, old gal. You ever been to the Eiffel Tower? Nope.

You wouldn't dismiss it so quick if you had. You gotta design the Uzi submachine gun. You should be able to shoot sub. Like the Uzi. What's a submachine gun? Why is it sub? Why isn't it just an Uzi machine gun? Because it's just below.

Below what? Machine gun. What do you mean? I don't fucking think so, man. Is it? Is it because it's small? A submachine mean? I don't fucking think so, man. Is it? Is it because it's small? A submachine gun? I'm not sure.

Look it up in your smart box. Tim Conway got born. Oh, Tim Conway. Loved Tim Conway with his short legs when he did that character. Mr. Thibodeau. No, was that his name? No. Tadball.

Sonny Cockett. Mr. Tadball. Mr. Tadball. Sonny Cockett. Son sonny cockett one of your faves jules why is he my faves man used to wear the fucking suits you used to wear the fucking used to wear the mesh shoes and your little white suit yeah we went out to sunny and tubs you were tubs. And you tried to paint your fucking old gremlin up like a fucking Tassin Rosa. Didn't look good, man. Just stupid kid stuff, buddy.

Folsom Prison Blues came out on this day in 1955. Woo! I'm stuck in Folsom Prison. That's where I want to stay. The Leaning Tower of Pizza reopened after a $27 million reno. Where they just put a fucking brace on her. Yeah. Because she was going to tipsy-doodle.

That's not really exciting. Yeah, you were right, man. Fucking Bruce Briggs sold his back catalog for $500 million. You're right about the submachine gun. What is it, just smaller? It's, yeah, it's a Zykon. It's an automatic firearm with notably less firepower than a machine gun. So it's a little less than a machine gun.

That's right. You were right, man. Fuck you. You're smart sometimes, bud machine gun. That's right. You were right, man. Fuck you. You're smart sometimes, bud. Sometimes. All the time. Well, sometimes I'm smart all the time. Sub-fucking firearms, too.

Sub-pistols. Pistols. All right, we got to go. I got to go. You know what? I'm on fucking the edibles. I got to get up and run around somewhere. I got to do something, man.

Christmas shop. Got to go find some Christmas presents. Christmas shop. Well, you know what I mean. Christmas Rob. I'm telling you, there's not a celebrity crush. Fuck, I don't know, man. Well, who's your female celebrity crush?

Okay, that makes it a bit easier. It's an asshole. It's a fucking, what's her name? The one that was on Mad Max and, you know. Tina Turner? No. Well, she was on Mad Max. Tina Turner? No. Well, she was hot, yeah. I loved her, man.

The other one. From Down Under. You know who she is. Nicole Kidman. No. She's hot, though. Cher. No.

Charlize Theron. Yes. I think she's beautiful. Yeah. Cheers to her. I don't even know. Kate Beckins beautiful. Yeah. Cheers to her. I don't even know. Kate Backinside. Okay.

Oh, God, yeah, she's a good one. Right now, who is she? Beautiful. Male or female? Who is who? Your favorite. It's a tough one. Pick one.

Pick one, man. We did. We gotta go. I like that Kate. She's good. All right, we got two Kates and... Charlie. Charlie. Tia Leone, is that her name. I like that cake. She's good. All right, we got two cakes and Charlie's. Charlie's. Tia Leone, is that her name?

She's like her, too. Tia Leone? I don't know who that is. She used to be married to that guy with the big wing. Okay, on that, we're gonna leave. Time to go. Christmas shopping. Tommy, what's his name? David. Guy from Max Files. Jesus, let's stop talking about celebrity plots. Why can't I think of his name? David, the guy from X-Files. I... Jesus, let's stop talking about celebrity clubs. Why can't I think of his name? Tommy...

Tommy who? Chong? No, Tommy what's his name? From Motley Crue. Tommy Lee! No, she wasn't married to him. Oh, well you said the guy from Big Wang and that's what I thought of. There's only one person with a Big Wang. Oh, I know, but Tommy Lee's got a bat on him. All right. All right, here we go.

See you later. It's almost Christmas. Merry Christmas. Fuck off until then. Merry Christmas, Tommy Lee, you and your big wang. To watch the video version of Park After Dark in my fucking trailer, go to SwearNet.com or download the SwearNet Trailer Park Boys app. Fuck off.