Trailer Park Boys Presents: Park After Dark - Episode 30 - You've Got Eye Crabs, Bubbles

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

Something's walking around in Bubbles' eye – what is it? The Boys also discuss space music, how to tackle an alien attack, and whether Ricky could kick a smurf. Julian also calls up some stoned fans while Ricky does some sketching! Episode 30 is brought to you by Jukasa vapor products. Jukasaaaaa!!  

Hey man. I'm good Ricky, holy fuck. Holy fuck is right. Is this crazy shit or is this gonna like blow my fucking head off Ricky? It's not gonna, it's not gonna not do that. It already blew my head off, Julian. It's not gonna... It's not gonna not do that. It's not gonna not do that, eh, bubs? No, it's not gonna not do it. Alright. That's what you're asking.

Here we are, podcast number... It's podcast number 30. This is the Trailer Prep Boys' official podcast. So this is our 30th anniversary? No, it's not. It's our 30th episode, man. Really? That's a monumental day.

I'm pretty happy about that. That means we have one month, you know, straight worth of stuff. You could listen to one a day for... It would fast. So 30 weeks ago we started this shit? Oh, we should celebrate maybe at the 50th one or maybe the 100th one, guys. 30's not a great fucking number to celebrate. 30's a great number because now if you're just starting to get in to this,

you could listen to one a day for a whole month. Yep. Unless there's 31 days in that month. So, again, the 30 thing's not... You put the 31st day off to rest. Let's celebrate until the 50th one, okay? No, I'm celebrating now. February.

We've got more than a month. Then it's really fucked up. So we're going to celebrate this again at the 50th podcast. Or it could be six weeks. What? Six weeks? Yep. Where'd you get six weeks from?

I don't remember. Ricky, you get six weeks from? I don't remember. Ricky, you're not the... There was something walking around in behind my glasses, like a spider or something. It's also a special day today. I did some fucking homework. Guess whose birthday it would have been today. Boogs, Rick. Johnny Cash! No way.

Yep. Fuck, I should have known that. And Buffalo Bill. Not a big fan of Buffalo Bill, but Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash. See, maybe you should have shared this information with us earlier. Then Bubbles could have brought out the fucking guitar, played some fucking tunes. I could have played it. No fucking guitars not here this time. What a coincidence.

What a coincidence, huh? I don't often. I was using it in my shed, so I had to take it over there. Well, Johnny Cash's birthday would have been a good fucking day to remember the guitar. Oh, I got you. That you'd never fucking play this. That's not a guitar, Ricky. It's a fucking pogo stick. What the fuck is that doing here? I pogoed in today. Did you?

Yeah, I bought that. I always wanted to build one of those with a fucking great big dirty fucking thing that you could bounce like 20 feet. You'd probably get hurt, but it'd be awesome. Bob, it's gonna be 10 bucks if you can last one minute on that pogo stick. Because I don't think you fucking came in on that thing. There's no fucking way. Oh, you don't think I rode in on that pogo stick? No. There's no way, man.

Oh, I hate to tell you. Check the highway cameras. You would kill yourself if you tried to... Check the highway cameras. I came right down the highway. Check the highway cameras. You would kill yourself if you tried to... Check the highway cameras. I came right down the highway on her. Down the highway. Bull fucking shit. I came right down the highway on her.

No protection? Protection? What, do you have her rubber on? I'm not talking about your bird. I mean, body protection. I had a helmet on and gloves and elbow pads and knee pads. Okay. I'd do it with all that.

I don't think you did. I was right out in the highway. On my pogo. Alright, this podcast is, of course, is brought to you by Jakasa. Good shit. Rick, you gotta do that. Just get that shit going. You should know just to pick the thing up. I'm trying to fight it.

Why? Just to piss you off. Rick, this is a great opportunity for us. We're getting closer to getting paid some large cash. So just do it, please. You can point to the... It's not like it's that bad. It's fucking delicious. But I'm just not doing it because you're fucking driving me nuts with this shit.

Because I don't know what the real deal is. You're going to find out what the real deal is. Chocasa. Fuck. I wish I... It's good shit. You could not do this, but it's hard. Alright, so where do you guys want to start?

I've got some things we could talk about. Does anybody else have anything prepared today? I did, but I don't know where I put it. Who brought the ROPE? Locky. Where did you get the rope and what are you doing? I don't know. I just saw it here. I like rope. I do a lot of shit with rope. Make things. Catch things. What can you make with rope, Ricky? Make me something out of rope.

Let's talk about some shit, and I'll make some stuff maybe in a bit. When this buzz on cools off a bit. All right. There's something walking around. I'm not sure what it is. Let's talk about some shit and I'll make some stuff maybe in a bit when this buzz on cools off a bit. Alright. There's something walking around in my eye. What the fuck? Here, look at me.

What, your right one? No, the one I got open for fuck's sakes. Could be crabs. There's nothing in there fucking horrible. There's something walking around. I heard of people getting crabs in their eyes before. It's happened. I don't have crabs in my eyes. You banged any dirty women lately?

That's for me to know and for you to find out. Or dudes, I guess. I did hear a story one time. There was this lady. She went in to get her eye checked out. So the fucking doctor's like taking a look at it up close. There was a crab stuck right in her fucking eyelid. There you go, bubs.

Hoped on. You got fucking eye crabs, bud. So. Oh, this was happened to a friend, did it? Oh, it happened. So the lady found out that. It was him. It wasn't me, man.

The lady found out that her husband was cheating on her, and she gave him her crabs. And obviously, he was doing stuff to her mouth. Must have been oral. And it popped off, jumped off into her eyelid. Have you had oral with anyone lately, Bubs? You being the pleaser or the giver? I'm just trying to get to the bottom of some insect in his eye, and I think it's eye crabs.

It could be eye crabs. Don't ever ask me that again. Okay, I'm sorry man But it is one explanation I don't have fucking eye crabs Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure I could see it It had eight legs

It was a spider No, no, no That's got little claws That's going like this No claws on anything in there It was a spider So you got with a lady Now now you got crabs in your eyes. You better get some medication before you have your next little oral encounter, bud,

because you'll be passing it on that way. We should burn that. I don't have oral encounters, Ricky. You're going to be known as the guy that fucking... Likes to go down. Gives people crabs. And give people crabs. Guys, I'm fucking being an asshole.

You like to hang out along the seashore. If I was you, I'd shave your whole body so they don't spread. I already did shave my whole body. It's got nothing to do with crabs. Bullshit. Nothing to do with crabs. Then why'd you do it? Training.

You're training? Astronaut training. Astron're training? Astronaut training. Astronaut training? I don't know if you want to be one of those anymore, man. Did you hear about this shit? What? Apparently there's some fucking lost tapes that NASA fucking put out. Those cocksuckers back in 69, they went around the moon. Apparently when those fuckers were on the back of the moon, they heard weird music.

Yeah, that's true. People, that's been out for a couple years now. Well, they can't explain it, so... I can fucking explain it. All right, what is it? Alien fucking radio station. Could be. Broadcasting.

I wonder, like, what kind of music it was. So, for the people that don't know the story, Apollo, I think it was Apollo 10, Apollo 11, one of them circling around the dark side of the moon where it's impossible to, you know, speak to Earth. All of a sudden music starts coming over the fucking... over the radio. So we got like aliens that have like rock bands and shit.

Well, here's the Earth, here's the Moon. They're over here. The broadcast had to be coming from deep space towards Earth. Okay, so how many other things have we fucking fired up there that went past the Moon that would have picked the same fucking thing up? Like, this is back in 69, man. Are they hearing more of this shit? We haven't really been going around the Moon much, have we?

No, we haven't been. out with the moon. The moon could be a great big receiver. So we could have fucking aliens, or... We do. There is aliens, Ricky. There's no fucking question. I don't know. Bubs, for me to believe there's fucking aliens, I'm gonna have to see one or fight one or something. And I will fight one. I don't give a fuck. You're coming down here trying to scoop me up from my skin or my water.

I'll fucking fight you. You're going to kill me anyway, probably. I'm not saying there's fucking evil aliens going to come and try to get you. I'm just saying the fucking universe is 93 billion light years across. We are the tiniest of specks in the fucking thing. Are you telling me we're the only ones in all that space? Have you ever seen any others? Well, no, Ricky, but I haven't been out.

You know what? Seeing is believing. I heard this. I don't know if you know this or not, Buzz, but they say there's like nine different fucking species of aliens. I believe there's at least that. Yeah, just like they fucking make you believe there's a fucking Santa Jesus God and all that

shit, and then you find out maybe that's not the fucking case. Ricky, that's not scientific, though. I'm talking science. I need to see Santa, Jesus God, or I need to see a fucking alien. Do you know what a light year is, Ricky? Do you know what a light year is? It's when you don't work hard for a year. It's how far you can go

traveling at the speed of fucking light for one year. It is a crazy long distance. Okay. And the fucking universe is 93 billion of those. Huh. So anybody that says we're the only people in all that space can go fuck themselves. You'd have to be completely fucking insane

to think that we're the only ones. What are the chances of them coming to our planet and fucking taking over? Well, see, that's... Physics gets involved there. Even if, you know, you can only travel so fast. So, you know, say we're here and there's aliens 80 billion light years away. They're never going to get to us unless they can figure out, you know... But how do they know that far? know, ultra warp speed or something.

How do they know that far? Like they have a fucking 93 billion mile measuring tape? They just stretch it out to the fucking nearest planet? No, Ricky, they look at light, light that's coming at us. Yep. They can tell how long the light's been traveling, how far away it is. They say they can. Okay, here's a question for you, Bubs.

You wake up in the middle of the night, you hear something in your fucking shed or someone's trailer. Yeah. You fucking throw a flashlight on it, it's an alien. He's got something in his hand. Do you, A, shoot the motherfucker, try to take him down, or B? Well, you just described a scene from E.T., so now I'm picturing this cute little alien with some M&Ms.

No, no, he's got like, he's got like what seems to be a fucking weapon. Okay, do you kill him? Do you try to make friends with him or do you kill him? Well, I mean, you gotta be quick on your feet. If he's holding an alien laser gun, you gotta assume the fucking thing is very high

tech. You're not gonna dodge it. So you might as well just try to friend him and be like, hey, hang on. No, see, if anybody breaks into my trailer, they're getting shot. It doesn't matter if they're an alien or an animal. Shoot the kill or shoot the fucking meme. But Julian, if he's got a highly advanced alien laser, as soon as you shoot, he might just go like that,

and his laser beam catches your bullet, and then what do you do? Yeah, but you don't know that. Or he's got bulletproof skin. You have to assume that he has that technology on his person. and his laser beam catches your bullet, and then what do you do? Yeah, but you don't know that. Or he's got bulletproof skin. Why take that chance? You have to assume that he has that technology on his person. Bulletproof skin. Think about that one. He could have metal skin.

I'm going to unload a clip into the motherfucker. If he keeps coming at me, then I'll try to make friends with him. Best thing to do is try to take him to the ground, take his fucking laser gun, and then... But they could have super fucking power or strength, man, and then you're just, you're fucked. He's gonna stop you dead in your tracks with his mind, Ricky. He's just gonna go

and you're gonna go like that and then you're fucked. What if they're fucking really dumb? They're really good at space and travel and shit, but other than that, they're dumb as fuck. No, that would be you going to their planet, Ricky. What if he was small? Like a Smurf? Would you still shoot him?

I would fucking, I would shoot him. I'd punt him like a fucking football. You don't know what you're dealing with, man. You've got to fucking shoot first. If that doesn't work, then you try to, you know, give him a drink, some chips or something. You couldn't punt a Smurf if you tried. Do you know how fast Smurfs are? They're not fast.

Smurfs are very fast. Bubs, again, they don't exist, man. What if it was a hot fucking alien? Don't get it. There's no such thing as Smurfs, man. Come on. How do you know? Gargamel.

Come on. I'm not saying there's Gargamel. There could easily be Smurfs. Very easily be Smurfs. I'll tell you right now, if I run into a fucking smurf, it won't be good. Because it'd freak me out so bad, I'd have to fucking just punt it. You wouldn't be able to punt a smurf, Ricky, I'm telling you. Do you know how fast a smurf is?

No, I don't. Fast. Well, if you chase them... Well, how fast are they in a fucking snowbank? You chase them outside, get them in some snow, it's going to slow them down, you catch them pretty quick then. Or can they tunnel? They're fucking smurfs.

Smurfs can tunnel better than anything. They can't tunnel because they don't fucking exist, boys. Like, you guys are way too big. Well, they're basically a troll. Trolls exist. They don't. So do elves. Oh, my God.

I'm saying it's possible they could exist. Smurfs. They don't exist. No, there's no fucking way, man. If they have super intelligence and they can keep away from humans. There could be an alien from a different fucking planet way out there. Who's a little blue guy. That's a little blue guy.

All right. But there's no such thing. I guarantee you they're not fucking called Smurfs. They could be. There's no fucking way, man. Maybe the guy that wrote it got visited by an alien and he told him the whole story. You don't know. Ricky, would you stop fucking around with this?

What are you doing? You told me to build something. I built the Laysu. All right, okay, guys, I've got something set up here. Copy something. What is wrong with your brain, man? Are you fucking kidding me? What are you doing? You built a lasso and lassoed the coat rack.

I didn't know this was made out of metal, man. You fucking ass. Oh, fuck, that hurt. Well, no kidding, Ricky. You just... ...lassoed a big metal structure and yanked it into your own face. Am I fucking bleeding? Goddamn, that hurt. What did you think it was made out of, Ricky? It's a coat rack.

Fuck, people can't even hear me now. Fucking broke my microphone. Hello? Ricky, just... Okay, guys, I've got this Skype set up. We're going to take callers on my lovely laptop here, and we're just waiting for... We'll take the callers. Live callers? Live callers, man.

So we don't have to call people anymore? No, well, they're going to call in, hopefully soon. We just... Somebody tweeted out, we... well, they're gonna call in, hopefully soon. We just... somebody tweeted out, we're gonna be taking some callers. Just want you guys to be... I don't wanna fucking talk to anybody right now, I'm pissed off. Tweet it out, say we're live. Holy shit. Call us up.

Okay. You gotta get your fucking skates out of here too, man. Does this look like fucking skate storage is ours? Is us? Ricky. Those are pretty fucked up looking skates, bubs. Those are my old skates. The old tube blades. The old tube blades? Yeah, tube blades.

How many blades do your fucking skates have? Tube. The tube blades. It's got like the tube. Oh yeah, tubes. Not two, you fucking Jesus. All right, should I call somebody? Do you guys want to talk to somebody right now? I don't want to talk

to fucking anybody. Are you finished fucking around, Ricky? I want somebody to call us. Well, I don't know if it's going to happen, man. I'm on here. Hopefully it'll light up

here soon. But how does anybody know we're on right now? Whose is this fucking thing? I just tweeted out, man. The fuck? That's my bone arrow.. Don't... bend that. Blowing arrow.

Okay, you done cleaning up, Rick? Fuck, sorry guys. Sorry to fucking take away from your precious little, hey let's talk to people time. Go ahead. Well, okay, I'm gonna call somebody. I'm gonna see if this is going well. Apparently nobody wants to talk to us, so fuck it. Okay, here we go. Call.

So this is a random person? Well, they, somebody called here a little while ago, 37 times. So we're gonna fuck it in front and ask them why they have, fuck. Ask them if they have OCD because they called us 37 fucking times. Nope. Not good. I'm going to try another one. While we're waiting for this exciting fucking talk time,

can we talk about some other shit? Yeah. Go for it. What do you got, Ricky? Tommy, this wouldn't fucking freak you out. You open up a can of beans, you find a fucking snake head, part of its body.

It's called this. I don't know how to say that. Where? Woman finds decai- Decapitated snake's head in can of green beans. Can you fucking imagine? Hey, it's going to fucking open up some beans here. Fucking half a snake jumps out at you.

Green beans would, at least that's better than I thought you meant like a can of pork and beans. Yeah, that'd be kind of, that'd be really gross. That would be scarier than... I think the beans is worse because beans are long and could look like snakes, right? Yeah. You might actually get to the point where you even cook it and eat it. I mean, I guess you'd see the snake head before you put it in your mouth. But, man, that would freak me the fuck out.

Well, you'd see it as you're putting it in the pot to cook them, Ricky. So how the fuck did the snake get in the can is what I'd like to know. Was he in the bean field fucking mowing down and got caught up in the beans? He could have got fucking scooped up, man, by those little machines. He might have been just in the factory, too. Do people pick beans

or do machines pick beans? Depends on the bean company and where you're at in the world. I'd say you're right, Buffs. I think he probably was in the factory. He might have been

in the factory, you know. Snaking around? Snaking around, cruising along. Yeah, at the can factory. He could have been cruising along one of the machines, heading home. Came in with the beans.

Maybe he was like, holy fuck, look at this. This is a bean goldmine. He could have been like a vegetarian. He could have ate. He could be an employee at the factory. The part where they put the lids on the machine, he could have been like on top, slipped, and boom. That's right.

That's off in the can. Are snakes vegetarians or do they eat meat? Because if they're veterinarians, he probably was eating his fucking beans, having a great time, and all of a sudden this big slicey thing came down. Some snakes eat meat. Some snakes can eat a whole fucking cow.

One bite. A cow? They eat like rats and fucking little field mice and shit, man. They eat tons of meat. But Python, there's a type of Python that can unhook his jaw and he can eat a whole car. A car? There's no, that's not... He can eat basically anything.

A car. I mean, if he's big enough, if he's 100 feet long. Well, how fucking long would I be? 100 feet long. You could eat a car. I mean, there's ones that exist that have eaten entire people, like a whole cow I think. Yeah, but that's a person, man. But I think a small cow has been eaten too.

But not a cow. A baby cow maybe, but a baby cow's only this big. What, Ricky? A baby cow isn't the same as a... Baby cows aren't this big, Ricky. Boys, I... You guys just shut the... What the fuck?

Oh! Hello? Hey, how the fuck you doing, man? Good, how you doing? Good, I just noticed you called me a... fuck 20 times. 20? Something like that.

Oh, wait, now you're First one for me Oh sorry buddy Okay I fucked up You're a different number Way to fucking piss somebody off Right away So what's going on man? You got a question for us?

You're on the The Trailer Perk Boy podcast Sweet Oh man I actually do have a good question for you Whatever happened to the baby That was born by Randy? Oh, God.

That's a sad story. You're going to find out. You're going to find out soon. It's not really a sad story. It's a happy story, okay? I think the baby's better off, because if Randy raised that fucking thing, it would have been fucked in the head.

Well, he would have been, yeah. Did it end up in a tropical dunk paradise with Ray or something? He could be. He could be, you never know, man.

Season 10 of The Shaw's coming out March 28th, you'll find out that. Okay, thanks. Saw that. Are you, uh, are you stoned at the moment? Oh, yeah,

I just had a little bit of wake and bake. Nice, man. Where are you the moment? Oh, yeah, I just had a little bit of wake and bake. Nice, man. Where are you calling from? Salt Lake City, Utah. Holy shit. Salt Lake City. Right on, brother.

How come there's no... We can't even see him. How come there's no picture of him? We got no picture of him. We got no picture, man. I don't know. I didn't... We'll get to that, okay?

It's just a new thing for me, man. Ask him what color his eyes are. Ricky wants to know what color your eyes are. And what's your name, by the way? My name's Mike Green. Mike Green from Salt Lake City, Utah. Everybody say hi to Mike Green. And he has what color eyes, Ricky would like to know?

Beautiful hazel eyes. Beautiful hazel eyes. Okay. Talk to you later, man. That's it? Just wait. What? What the fuck just happened there?

He hung up on him. What? What else do you want to know about the guy? He asked a question. Well, Ricky was about to draw him. Yeah, man. We don't have enough info about the guy now. What, you're drawing this guy?

Okay, I'll call him back. Well, there's no picture of him, so. Just a second, just a second. Call him back. Ask him there's no picture of him, so... Just a second, just a second. Call him back. Ask him what... I'm practicing my... What color hair he has. I'm practicing my artistry these days.

He's probably got a big fucking nose. Why do you think he's got a big nose? He was talking through... You could hear nosy sounds coming when he was talking. He might have had a cold, Ricky. The man might not even have a nose. He might just have a smooth, Ricky. The man might not even have a nose.

He might just have a smooth. I'm being smart. He might just have a smooth grid with two holes in it. You need to get Skype credit to call this number? Are you fucking kidding me? Julian, you're fucking this podcast up again. Why do you always fucking. Paul Jocasa never gave you any credits? I didn't tell him I was fucking doing calls.

Alright, I can't call this guy back. Mike Green? Salt Lake City's probably got long hair. Why do you think he's got long hair? Isn't there a lot of hippie skier dudes there? This is bullshit. Is there hippie skier dudes there? This is bullshit. Is there hippie skier dudes in Salt Lake City? I don't know. I don't even know where Salt Lake City is, man. I'm just fucking with you.

It's in Utah. Salt Lake City, Utah. Is Utah a ski capital of, uh, the Mayorkas? I don't believe. I don't know. I don't ski. Oh, I can, I can, okay. See if somebody... I mean, I'm saying, can you call back, Mike? Send out a tweet and tell people we're on the fucking air, and then we'll get calls coming in crazy.

I'm just texting them right here. We'll get... Maybe Chipper or somebody can do that. Fuck. I can't do everything here, bud. You need a credit to fucking... to send a text. You're fucking up this podcast, bud. I didn't know everything here, bud. You need a credit to fucking......to send a text.

Dude, you're fucking up this podcast, man. I didn't know you had to buy fucking credits. What are you doing, Ricky? Well, I'm just drawing what I think... Was it Mike Green? Mike Green. Mike Green, yeah. No, that's the wrong mic. Uh, oh well.

wrong Mike okay so Ricky is just he drew this picture of Mike Green we've been talking to for those of you that have just listened to this fucking that may not be he may not look anything like that I'm not sure this is who we've just been talking to this working on my artistry and... That's who we've been talking to. He looks fucked up, man. Frankie, why would he have a fucking... Why would he have a mustache like that, do you think? You know what, the only reason I gave him that, I've never drawn one of those before. Looks like he's a French or, you know,

he's from France or something. Terrible mustache. No, leave it. Leave it. I like it. That's good. Okay. I like it. I think that's maybe what Mike Green.

We should have something to, like, stick that on, man. Look how we spelled mine. Microphone Green. Microphone Green. I know. Once I put that there, I knew I fucked it up. It's not like I'm dumb. Fuck.

Okay, this is what we're going to do. All right, so is that it? No, we're going to talk about some shit, and if people call while we're talking about it, we'll just... This is a fuck thing I found out, and I want to do this to Randy. What's the rules on... Suppose you want to change somebody else's name. Legally.

Could you do that? I'd have to, yeah. Ricky. This fucking guy. Just a second, just a second. For fuck's sakes. Now he's interrupting my? Yeah. This fucking guy. Just a second. For fuck's sakes. Now he's interrupting my fucking story. This better be good.

Hello? Holy shit! Holy shit! It's me, guys! Who is this? This is Claudine. Also, uh, Rockshorn Marrow Pies.

What? What the fuck did you just say? What? We got no picture of you. Weo kites. What? What the fuck did you just say? You're, we got no picture of you. We got no picture. All right. We can make one pretty quick. Ricky's going to draw a picture of you just from you talking to us and maybe

describing yourself a bit. Can you do that? What's your name again? What's your name again? Okay. Quadine. Quadine? Yeah. What's your name again? Okay. Claudine. Claudine? Yeah.

That's a nice fucking name. Claudine or Quadi? Claudine. Claudine. Yeah. I thought you said Quadi with a Q. Like Q-U-A-D. Quadi.

I said Quazi with a couple Z's. I can't put on top of you guys. This is so crazy. I don't work right now. Okay, look. Claudine, what color eyes do you have? I have blue eyes. Yes. Hair?

We have blue. Yeah, blonde hair. Blonde hair. Oh, fuck. That's going to be trouble. Big boobs. Big boobs? Big boobs.

Big boobs. Like how big? 24D. What was that? 34D? 34D? Sweet Jesus. 44D.

I don't even know what that means, but they sound like big moozongas. Okay, right on. I fucked her head up, man. Okay, right on. Fucked her head off. Claudine, do you have a question for us? I have a question for you. Actually, I'm just really excited that you guys are doing so well. And we're hoping to see you guys on Saturday Night Live. That would be fantastic.

Wow, that would be cool, yeah. I just want to congratulate you guys on how well you're doing and hope it keeps going. You guys are just doing a wonderful job. The fucking blonde doesn't work. Thank you. Here, can I see it? The blonde doesn't work. Here, just one second, Claudine.

Where are you calling from Claudine Florida Right on Your love blood's not working, but I'll give you as close to blonde. All right, Ricky's almost done with their pitch here Hopefully, right. Can you repeat after me? Just a quick thing to cuss ha No to cuss ah Please. Yeah! Thank you.

There we go. Okay, here, just one second. Don't go anywhere. You got it, Rick? Yeah. It's not just quite yet. Here, just... Okay, this is...

Just don't go anywhere yet, Claudine. Tell me what you're up to. What are you doing today? Oh, man, we got another... I'm working. I forgot my phone on pause. I missed my call center. Okay, right on.

Okay. You know what? I got another call coming in, guys. No, you don't. Yes, I do. Are we done with Claudine? I guess. All right.

I didn't put her name on there yet. Claudine. Love you, guys. Thank you. Have fun. Say, my name's Claudine. I can't wait to see this. Okay, say, my name is Claudine.

My name is Claudine. There we go. Okay, alright, see you later, Claudine. Alright, that was fun. This is really... Claudine, that's who we were just speaking to. It's all here, boys. Terrible picture. Claudine. Hello! Alright, she looks pretty good. Look at her boobs down there.

Her big 44 double D muzangas. Sticking up there. Her muzangas? Did you get somebody? We lost the man. Okay, let's get back to this fucking changing name shit. All right, you want to change somebody's name. This fucking...

What did you say? What are the legalities of changing someone else's name? Could you get away with it? No, Ricky. How the fuck would you do that? Well, because I want to do it to Randy. Well, you might be able to get the documents and get him to sign it. That's what I'm saying. If you just said, hey, bud, can I get your autograph? And, uh... Yeah, you could do it that way.

Suppose this was the form here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Signature right down here. Yeah, Randy would fall for that, 100%. So you just go, fold this down, blah, blah, blah, blah. Signature right down here. Yeah, Randy would fall for that, 100%. So you just go, fold this down like this, say, hey, bud. Hey, bud. Just get your signature right on that line there. Randy would do that, no question. So what do you want to change his name to?

Well, this fucking wing-wang. 33-year-old Simon Smith changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Some guy already did that? Yeah, so we should change Randy's name to something like that. This guy legally changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger. He legally did it. So if we could trick Randy, we could call him something different like that. Okay.

Here's another caller. What would you call Randy? Hello? His first name could be Cheese. How are you guys doing? Second name, Manor. Who's this? Third name, Locker.

This is Brian from out in Ontario. Brian from Ontario. Right on, man. What the fuck's going on? Not too much. I'm just at work. Tried to skip off here, get out back, give you guys a call. Where do you work, Brian?

I work at a place out in Whitby. I fix machines and sell machines for different factories and stuff, making electronics and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. You know who he sounds like? Oh, Trevor. Doesn't he sound like Trevor? How's the weather out there?

Our weather's actually been pretty fucking all right this winter. We only got smoked a couple times, and right now there's no fucking snow. I don't know what's going on. That sounds like Trevor. It does sound like Trevor. It sucks if you're trying to chase Smurfs around. Trevor, is that you? No.

No, he sounds... This guy could be Trevor. Sound like Trevor. Sound just like a buddy of ours. Are you into gangster rap? Yeah, sweetie. Sorry? Gangster rap. Are you into gangster rap? Yeah, sweaty. Sorry? Gangster rap.

Are you into gangster rap? Uh, not too much, no. No problem. Sounds okay. Like my raps and everything like that. He doesn't sound like he's into gangsta rap. I got a question for you guys. Okay, yeah, he's got a question.

What do you do when someone owes you money for lot fees? You know, you lent them some money to help out for some lot fees, and the motherfucker won't pay you back. Start taking some of his shit, man. That's a cocksucker of a move right there. Yeah, start taking some of his shit, man. Say, you know, you're not getting your shit back until you pay me up. That's the way to do it, man.

Is this guy a good friend of yours? I thought he was up until last year. Do you know where he lives? Now, you know, you know up until last year do you know where he lives now uh you know you know how it goes do you know where he lives uh nope i know where his trailer is uh unfortunately we don't we don't have uh you know trailer season all the way around it's only in the summer but i know where his trailer is that's about it go fuck with his trailer man go fuck with his trailer absolutely give. Go fuck with his trailer. Absolutely. Give me that. That's some good advice. So, Rick, how's the shipmobile driving the snow when you guys do get snow over there?

The shipmobile's been kind of fucked since it started snowing. It's been parked. Gotta love the sunroof. It's always, you know, nice. It gets pretty fucking cold in there when you're missing the door. Hey, what do you look like? Do you have a really long head, pointy nose, and only one eye? One eye?

No, I don't. I have two eyes, actually. The marker slipped. Ricky's trying to draw a picture of you. I fucked it up. What do you think you look like from, you know, talking to me? Well, I may as well fade in now. I wear glasses, nothing like bubbles, but, you know,

just some, like, normal-looking glasses and a hat with a G on the front of it. Okay, what does G stand for? Poofball. For a company I work for, Graco. Graco, right on, man. Awesome. Okay, man, do you have everything you on, man. Awesome. Okay, man. Do you have everything you need, Rick?

Do you have that? Do you need anything else? What color was his hair again? What color was your fucking hair, man? It's like a dark blonde. Dark blonde. Fuck, it had to be blonde. Dark blonde.

What's your name? It's Brian. Brian. Okay, I think we're good, Brian. All right, man. You take it easy. Did we answer his questions? Hey, Brian. Brian. Okay, I think we're good, Brian. All right, man. You take her easy. Did we answer his questions? Hey, Brian, don't take any wooden nickels.

Sorry? Nothing. Don't take any wooden nickels, man. He's just trying to fuck off. All right. Okay. What does he look like, Rick? For some reason, his goatee's black,

because I forgot that he was blonde. That doesn't look anything like that guy. Yeah, fuck. That guy looks like a miserable old... Let's see, Brian from Ontario. Fuck it. Look, this guy's not happy. What kind of hair's he got, Ricky?

Just spiky, short, shaved on the sides. There's Brian from Ontario we've been speaking to. Just a guess. He probably looks nothing like that. Like, some people can only hear the podcast, too, right? Some people can't see it. Well... So they don't know what any of these people you do look like. Well, fuck, okay.

Well, then I'm not drawing any more pictures. They should go to the website and fucking watch it, then. Fuck that. Come on, swearnet.com. Go there and you can see the pictures. Ricky, we should sell these pictures, okay. I'm not drawing any more pictures. They should go to the website and fucking watch it then. Come on. SwearNet.com, go there and you can see the pictures. Ricky, we should sell these pictures, Ricky. Oh yeah, they're fucking worth. I guarantee, I put that on eBay, I can get 50 bucks for it. I bet 50 cents tops.

50 bucks, I bet. I'd be able to get 100. Two months to sell it. 100. Oh, we got another call. Fuck off. Okay, we're running out of time here, but- Here, tell them there's somebody else.

Can they see you? Hello? Pretend it's not us. Hello? Hey, what's going on? Oh, not much, man. How's it going, boys? Good, man. Who the fuck is this? Uh, this is, uh, Gavin.

Ari, you're calling, uh... Gavin? Who? Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin, where are you at, Gavin? I'm actually in, uh, in'm actually in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia.

You definitely don't fucking sound like it. You don't sound like it, man. No, no, I am a great today at a few years ago. Oh, where did you live? I used to live in Liverpool, England. Oh, right on, man. Holy fuck, did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I got bored of that, so I met a Canadian woman, and we got married. How could you get bored in Liverpool? The Beatles are from Liverpool. How could you possibly get bored living in Liverpool? Well, you know, John Lennon's not around anymore, so there's nothing to stick around for. Well, that's true, I guess.

All right, do you got a question for us Matt? well I actually do a podcast as well you guys inspired me and two of my friends one guy that's in America and the other guy that's back in England to do a podcast as well our podcast is called Majors Mess Hall it's on iTunes

and it's also on SoundCloud as well and I was just wondering if you guys have got any advice on podcasting. Well, you need to get sponsors, man. So you've got to have a good sense. You guys could sponsor us by just, I don't know, just saying tell people to listen to Majors Mess Hall. Okay, just before we get into this business shit,

what do you look like? What do I look like? I'm a handsome, tall, blonde guy with blue eyes. Okay, just before we get into this business shit, what do you look like? What do I look like? I'm a handsome, tall, blonde guy with blue eyes. Okay, blue eyes. What color hair? Blonde. Blonde, blonde hair. Rick. Just a second.

Ricky's trying to draw a picture of you, man. What do you think you look like just from talking to you? I'm not drawing any more pictures. Oh, fuck. Bob's reading my fucking... Oh, nice going, Bob. I've got a big penis as well. Make sure he puts that in there. Oh, he'll definitely like to draw his eyes.

Rick, a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, big cock. Draw him up. All right, I'm working on it now. And if you'd like to send a picture of your unit to Ricky, he'd probably get a better idea what he's dealing with. I've got no blonde. Get a better idea of what he's dealing with.

I got no boring. Yes, please, this is Julian. Bring your big cock down here, please. This is Julian talking. That wasn't me. I don't want to see anybody's cock. All right, okay, are we done? Do you have enough information, Ricky, to work with? He's got enough.

All right, man, take it easy, brother. Good luck with the podcast. Watch it, everybody. Forget what it's called. Cheers, man. Take it easy, brother. Good luck with the podcast. Watch it, everybody. Forget what it's called. Cheers, man. Take it easy, boys. Cheers, man. See ya.

Okay, the calls are fucking coming in here. Hello? Hello? Hey, what's going on? Not that I have much knowledge what's going on with you guys.

Who the fuck are we dealing with here? What's your name? I'm dealing with Jen. Jen? Right on, Jen. How the fuck are you? Where are you calling from?

I'm calling from New Brunswick. Right on, Jen. How the fuck are you? Where are you calling from? I'm calling from New Brunswick. Right on. Jen from Brunswick. Sounds like you got a little hop in your step. Yeah. So you got a question for us? Okay, first, first, first. What color are your eyes?

I can't keep up here, guys. Blue, blue. Color hair? Give me black. Black, short, long? F color are your eyes? I can't keep up here, guys. Blue, blue. Color hair? Give me Gavin. Black. Black, short, long, frizzy? Short. Short.

You hear that, Rick? What? Okay, what she just said. What'd she say? Yeah, we got it. Okay, we got it. Okay, what was the question? Sorry about that.

What'd he say? Oh, just wondering if any of you guys would be interested in hitting up the shitmobile for some April Wine, some chicken fingers, some smoke, some dope. Fuck yes. I'm all over shipmobiles and April Wine and all that other stuff. Let's do it. Good times, good times. Right on.

Okay, so what's happening here? Are you guys setting up a party? No, we're good. A bunch of us are actually coming to Bottle Hill here in a couple weeks. So if you're in the area, you know, or we could just take a trip down to Sunnyvale. Okay. Gavin. That sounds fucking fantastic.

Okay. We'll be partying. You bring the good kind of chicken fingers, I guess. Lots of booze. Rum. Oh, fuck the good kind of chicken fingers. Fuck the no-name shit, yo. Yo.

Okay, yo. Gotta have the jeans up in here, yo. Are you on any kind of drugs at the moment? Or alcohol? I'm getting some good old medicinal weed. Oh, right on. Okay, good. Good for you. Alright. Are we done here, Rick? Do we have enough information? We're good. Okay, alright.

Talk to you later. Alright, I'll meet you at the gate, sir. What was your name? My name's Jen. Jen, right. Jen. Jen. Jen from New Brunswick. Okay. Don't be cool about the rocks that I got. I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the park. Used to have a little, now I have a lot.

Motherfuckers don't know where I came from. Okay, you know what? We're done, boys. We're done. I'm not taking any more calls. Good. Bye-bye. Just wait.

We just got to see Jen. I'm too fucking high, boys. No shit, man. Don't try to make her too detailed, Ricky. She had short black hair, didn't she? Frizzy? Short. It wasn't... It might be frizzy. I don't know. Here. Let's see Jen. Jen's gonna do the sign-off. She's gonna be beautiful.

Let's go, Ricky. We're running out of time, bud. Fuck, I didn't know I had a time limit here. I was trying to get shoes and everything done here. Smoke that vape on. Keep that detail, Ricky, that you do on her shoes. Okay, I've got it. I've got it. So all we did today was call people, and Ricky drew them. See? People are loving the calls, man.

We also talked about the Martians out there with their own radio station. Did you see a short block there? Yeah. Ricky, you gotta finish this up, man. We also talked about the Martians out there with their own radio station. Did you see Short Block here? Yeah. Ricky, you gotta finish this up, man. Alright, time. You can mute the computer, you know.

Okay, this is Jen. That was a tough one. Jen from New Brunswick. Hey, I'm Jen. That kind of looks like what she sounded like. You can't really tell. She's right hyper, eh? You of looks like what she sounded like. You can't really tell. She's right hyper, eh? You think that's what she sounded like?

Yeah, she sounded like just a little person. A little person with tight pink pants. All right, that's it. I was trying to draw a camel toe, but I couldn't work it in. Why would you assume that Jen had a camel toe? I don't have a clue. I just thought it'd be funny. Did you give that... She sounded hot. There's a camel toe? I don't have a clue. I just thought it'd be funny. Did you... you gave the... She sounded hot. There's a camel toe there? Ricky.

All right, Jen with the camel toe, thank you. We'll see you at the gates. Get us, uh, get us drunken high and feed us. We'll love you forever. That's it for the... the Trillip Report podcast. Let's end it. That's it? That's it. Wait now.ip Report podcast. Let's end it. That's it? That's it.

Wait now. I'm going to guzzle this ash. Yeah, there's the camel. Liquor. There's the camel. No. Goodbye. Bye-bye.